Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Crossing the Boundaries ❯ Where Do We Go From Here? ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author's Note: I feel that I owe everyone an explanation, so here it is. During my break I found out that my mother may have some serious medical problems. We're still in the testing and waiting period, so I have no idea what will come of this in the near future. That, combined with a myriad of relationship and finance issues, deteriorated my writing focus and left me in a sort of dazed depression for a while. I literally could not write anything during that time, but I did try. It took me about three weeks to write the first twenty paragraphs...the remainder I just finished through the night. That's right, folks, I have yet to go to sleep *laughs* I tried to make it long, but I don't have a word count on the program I'm using at the moment. I should also mention that the other night someone hacked my AOL account, spammed half the internet, and almost got my account canceled *sighs* Do I have good luck or what? *smirks* Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'll have more out when I can. ~Twilight~

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I struggled to hold onto the serene darkness that had claimed me, but it seemed to be a losing battle as my consciousness slowly returned. The murmur of hushed voices could be heard nearby, though I was still too groggy to determine who was speaking or what was being said. It didn't matter. All I wanted was to fall into that beautiful nothingness once more and allow reality to fade away. It was such a relief not to think...not to feel...not to worry about anything.

Fleeting bits of memory flashed inside my head, and I watched with a sort of detached fascination...like it was someone else's life instead of my own. A dull ache greeted my awakening senses; it radiated through my entire body fueling my desire to crawl back into myself...to that place where pain could not follow. The two voices continued to converse quietly drawing my attention unwillingly into the present.

" I think she's waking up. "

" I better go tell Dad. "

A warm hand touched my arm; the heat of it made me wince. I tried to draw away, but the effort was too great. The simple act of breathing seemed taxing just then, but I forced my eyes open regardless. I needed to know where I was though something inside of me feared that I already knew the answer.

" How do you feel? " Gohan asked gently.

I couldn't find my voice to speak, but tears immediately sprung to my eyes. I'd made the call as an act of desperation, and I could vaguely recall hearing Goten's words over the phone before blacking out. Regardless, there remained a part of me that prayed they hadn't made it in time...

Looking away, I closed my eyes. He wouldn't have wanted to hear my response if I could utter the words to express it. I was angry...scared...and in pain. I didn't want to face the repercussions of seeing them again.

" We had to bring you back here. You know that, right? " He spoke so softly, a mixture of emotions infused in the words, and I knew he was sorry - not only for returning me to the lion's den but also for the bittersweet tragedy that was now my life.

I wanted to tell him not to worry. He wasn't the one to blame, and I'd get through this somehow. With luck, maybe I could get away again before Trunks crossed my path - I'd even promise to keep in touch this time. But the words wouldn't come.

He was about to say something more, but Goten returned pausing briefly in the doorway before entering the room. " Dad'll be here in a minute, " there was a nervous lilt in his voice as he looked at us. His hands were shoved into the front pockets of his jeans, and he fidgeted slightly as he stood at the end of the bed in which I was lying.

I don't think he knew whether he should stay or leave. His gaze darted erratically around the room...never pausing for too long on any one thing until Gohan spoke up, " Hey Goten, there's some money in the shirt on the back of the couch, why don't you go pick up some pizzas or something? I'll stay until Dad gets here. "

Relief instantly lit in Goten's dark eyes, and an appreciative smile crossed his lips as he nodded emphatically, " No problem. I'll be back later. " He turned on a heel and, without hesitation, hurried from the room.

I swallowed hard, forgetting my discomfort in the wake of that brief exchange. Goten's behavior was so off key that I could feel a knot of dread building in the pit of my stomach. He'd wanted to leave. There was no mistaking it.

Until now, the young Saiya-jin had handled everything in such a casual and matter-of-fact manner. Even when his father and Vegeta were fighting he'd shown more interest in the fight than concern for the participants. He'd grown up accustomed to an intense and somewhat brutal life...fighting to save the world will do that to person, but just now he'd been restless and uneasy. What was he anticipating that had initiated such anxiety?

Gohan was staring at the spot his brother had just vacated seemingly lost in his thoughts for the moment.

" Gohan, " I said. It was nearly inaudible, but in the overwhelming silence of the room, it caught his attention.

He turned back to me. It was then that I noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes and the slight crease that wrinkled his brow, and though there was no other indication of concern in his expression - I knew something was very...very wrong.

" What's going on? " I demanded; my voice raising in pitch like a temperamental child. In my weakened condition it came out as little more than a pathetic squeak, but it was enough to alert Gohan to my growing panic.

" Calm down now. Everything is going to be fine, but you're not going to do anyone any good getting all worked up. You're not strong enough yet. "

I shook my head trying to ignore the lightheaded sensation that accompanied the motion, " Something's wrong, " I insisted struggling to sit up and failing miserably. I winced as a sharp pain seized me. My breath caught in my throat as my hands clenched tight to the blanket, but the distress passed quickly leaving me slightly breathless and more exhausted than I'd been previously. Whatever illness had inflicted itself on me over the past couple weeks had not yet gone.

" You have to take it easy or you're going to black out again, " explained Gohan in that same soothing voice. " You're very weak right now, but with a lot of rest you'll be fine. "

The tone in which he spoke reminded me of the manner that a father would use to comfort a child who'd woken from a nightmare in the dead of night. A gentle, calming rhythm that held the slightest undertone of experienced understanding...the knowledge of something that the child just could not yet comprehend. The fearsome dreams that haunted your sleep could do you no harm, but the terrors that dwelled in the waking world...well, that was another story altogether...

I tried to speak again, but it was then that Goku arrived. The shirt he wore was wrinkled and his hair disheveled, and I got the immediate impression that he'd been sleeping when Goten went to fetch him. He glanced quickly at his son and then at me. " You're finally awake, " he said after a long moment.

The statement itself seemed unnecessary, but there was such relief in it that I had to wonder exactly what had transpired. Was he really so worried? I had convinced myself that running away was a decision that affected only me and the child I carried, but looking at Goku just then made me realize how wrong I had been.

" I-I'm sorry, " I whispered faintly. " I shouldn't have gone, but I couldn't take it... "

He shook his head a bit and interrupted before I could finish, " You don't have to explain. Keeping you prisoner here would have been wrong, and Gohan was the only one who understood that from the beginning. You've been put through a lot. I can understand why you left. I just wish you would have talked to me first. "

" I couldn't. After...after...what happened, " I paused trying to control my fragile emotions; the mere reference to that night still made my heart ache. A few seconds passed, and I took a deep breath before continuing, " I didn't want anything to do with anyone. It was hard. I was scared, but the thought of staying here with..."

My voice trailed off. I couldn't do it - couldn't speak his name for fear that I would lose the wavering hold I had on my sanity. Goku looked down at me sadly, perhaps sensing my feelings - if he could indeed do such a thing. I'd never asked. But if the look in his eyes just then was any indication...he knew.

Gohan stood and cleared his throat to catch our attention. " I'm going to go wait for Goten to get back and catch up on some reading. If you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen. " He smoothed one hand lightly over my hair, giving me that childlike feeling again, and I wondered if he was thinking of Pan as he did it.

I watched as he moved around the bed then quietly shut the door as he left the room. Leaning back against the headboard I let out a soft sigh, " He misses them so much. " I hadn't really meant to voice the thought out loud, but there it was. It made me think of the night I'd left - the heartfelt confessions he'd shared. I hadn't been able to figure out why he'd told me those things, but now it suddenly seemed to make sense. He'd seen me as a kindred soul that night...consumed by sorrow...future uncertain...wanting something that was impossibly out of reach. It was his way of letting me know that I wasn't alone.

" I know he's hurting, " Goku said, and his gaze seemed distant. " I wish there was something I could do, but I don't even know how we got here. "

We both fell silent. I glanced to the window to find that night was quickly falling, and the trees were near barren though it seemed just yesterday that they were heavy with the lush verdant shade of summer. How had time passed me by so quickly? Where had I lost those precious minutes...hours...days?

" He's not here, " I blurted out shocking even myself with the suddenness of the observation. It shouldn't have surprised me, the fact that he wasn't in the house that is, and yet it felt wrong in a way that I couldn't understand. Something deep inside knew that he should at least be in the house even if he wasn't at my bedside. Then I remembered Goten's strange behavior and my heart began to race. Surely nothing could have happened to him.

" Goku, where is he? Where is Trunks? " The panic was slowing edging its way into my words again. It was an irrational fear that gripped me - merging with my earlier sense of impending doom. I frantically tried to crawl from the bed.

" Hey, whoa there! " Goku exclaimed rushing over to catch me when I almost collapsed to the floor. " He's fine. He's not here, but he's fine. "

He set me easily back on the bed, and I fell still, " So then, he really just doesn't care. " After all that had happened, it still struck me as harshly as when he'd first walked out. It was like being slapped in the face over and over but never understanding why. " You should have left me there. "

A small frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. " Don't talk like that, " he said a bit roughly. " You can't give up; life is too precious. You have so much ahead of you...so many things that you haven't done. No matter how difficult it gets at times, you have to keep moving forward. "

" I'm not that strong. "

" You don't give yourself enough credit. "

" How can you say that? "

Goku sat on the edge of the bed next to me, " Look at everything you've been through, and you still haven't given up. "

I looked away from him then as a lump rose in my throat, " Goku, I gave up...I was going to take my own life and my unborn child's because I was too scared of the future. I didn't have what it took - and I still don't. "

" One moment of weakness doesn't make you a weak person. There comes a point in everyone's life when they think they can't go on, but you wouldn't judge someone's whole character on that one moment.

Think about this, you had the strength to love Trunks despite what he's done. You've never faltered on your feelings for him. "

" That's not strength! That's stupidity! " I exclaimed staring at the Saiya-jin with a look of wide eyed disbelief.

" Oh? Then I suppose that Bulma was stupid for loving Vegeta even though he denied their relationship for the longest time, and look what Chi Chi and Videl put up with from Gohan and me. I dare you to tell any one of them that they're stupid. "

" That's different, " I muttered.

" Why is it so different? "

" Because...because...Trunks doesn't want anything to do with me. Or our child! " A single tear wound it's way along my cheek as I said those words. When would it stop hurting? Would a day ever come that I could speak his name aloud without feeling that twinge in my heart?

There was a strange sound to Goku's voice when he spoke next, " You don't know that. You can't just assume it. "

I looked up angrily, " Assume? I'm not assuming anything! He told me that we'd never be together...that this baby was a mistake! "

" You have to believe me on this. I think there's a lot of things you don't know, and you should take the time to find out before drawing any conclusions. "

" What are you saying, Goku? Did he tell you something? " If Goku was saying what I thought he was, then maybe, just maybe, things would turn out fine after all. Maybe Trunks had told him something that would shed the light of hope on this whole situation. It seemed so unbelievable that I was nearly afraid to think it.

Yet, there was something about the way Goku said it...a disturbing contradiction of word and emotion. If there was good news to be shared, shouldn't he at least sound happy about it?

" You're going to have to talk to him. It's not my place to step in here. "

I looked over at the man then and felt my heart sink in my chest. His stare was locked on the far wall, and though he glanced in my direction, he wouldn't hold my gaze. His features showed unspoken concern, and there was something unsettling about the sudden change in his behavior.

" What's going on? " I asked. It was simple and direct, and I hoped that he would be just as straightforward in his reply. I couldn't take any guessing games right now. With every second that came and went my sense of dread increased.

" I just - think - you two need to talk about - everything. "

" I tried that, but he wouldn't listen. You saw what happened. " I felt the tears well up when I thought back to his words, so cruel and cold. He'd wanted to hurt me, and he'd accomplished it a thousand times over. Why, why was I still so willing to forgive him?

" Things are different now. "

" Different? " The word echoed in the back of mind. What had changed? Had he come to some amazing conclusion after I had gone? Had someone said something that made him realize what a mistake he'd made?

Goku nodded slightly, " A lot happened after you left. I don't think you're quite up to hearing all of the details right now. "

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't say anything further. In a way he was right, I wasn't feeling so well. The analgetic state my high emotions had provided was quickly fading leaving me sore and worn from the physical and mental strain, but I wanted to know what had happened. " Please, Goku. I know something's wrong. Just tell me. "

I really didn't know if I was ready to hear what he had to say, but the nagging feeling wouldn't subside. It seemed that not knowing would be a worse torture than anything he could tell me. It was better to just hear it and deal with it.

" The reason Trunks isn't here is because he thought it would be better for you that way. He didn't want to cause you any more stress when you were already going through so much. You're very weak right now...your body is just about spent from everything it's been through. "

" He left...for me? " I didn't know what to make of that knowledge. On one hand, it was touching that he thought enough of me to do so, then again, it sounded like he had no intentions of resolving this relationship, if that's what you would call it. But, if he wanted us to be together, I would be happy not upset. These things that Goku was telling me didn't make sense.

" You can't imagine how close you came to losing your life the other night. It was a miracle that you survived. Be thankful for that. "

" What do you... " the sentence fell dead on my lips as my hands started trembling violently where they lay in my lap. " Goku... "

He turned to me then, and the expression on his face would be burned into my memory for as long as I lived, " You lost the baby...there...was nothing we could do... "

I heard the anguished cry forced from my throat, though it sounded distant to my ears. Surely it was someone else's hapless screams that tore through the quiet night...someone else's pain that was answered by the sound of a glass shattering against the kitchen floor. This agony had to belong to another soul for I had suffered far too much already. Hadn't I?