Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Crossing the Boundaries ❯ Learning to Cope ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A day passed. Maybe three. I wasn't keeping count. Sleep evaded me for hours then drug me into its restless depths where it tormented me with dreams of things I didn't want to see. Upon waking, I stared at the wall, refused to eat, and cried when no one was looking. Those times were few and far between as Goku and his sons took turns watching over me. I knew they were there even if I rarely acknowledged their presence.

It was a constant mental battle between self blame and denial, though every so often something reminded me that maybe it was just better this way. How could I have raised the child alone? Every passing day would have brought an increasing level of danger to his life, and if the secret had ever been revealed, I would have been helpless to protect my child from the narrow-minded curiosity of this world. The thought did little to ease the sense of loss and emptiness that was tearing me apart. It also reminded me of the two Saiya-jin who had yet to make an appearance...my mate and his father.

I cringed to think of the Saiya-jin no Ouji and how he would react once informed of the loss. It had to be assumed that he was still unaware of what had occurred...I was still breathing.

It was my fault. I'd been reckless, selfish. I knew there were risks; Goku had told me as much. Gods, I could still recall the look on Vegeta's face when I'd returned with Goku that night. He'd barreled down upon me certain that Goku had taken me to abort the child. I knew then that, though I was certain he despised me, acceptance of the child had never been an option for Vegeta; he'd done so without question because it was a child of his blood. To the prince...that meant everything.

But this was my loss as well. Would he stop to consider that I was suffering, too, or would his rage surpass that logic? It seemed that I already knew the answer. The too proud, stubborn Saiya-jin would never be able to understand the emotions that had driven me to run, and he would want vengeance for what I had stolen from him.

It was strange to think how well I could anticipate Vegeta's reaction to the news, and yet I was oblivious as to how my own mate would respond. Would he be grateful? Would he be touched in some slight way? Would he feel anything at all for the loss of our child?

" That was a mistake. A stupid mistake. You deal with it. "

The memory was like a knife in my aching heart. If only I could tear these vexing thoughts from my mind and throw them to the wind; let them be swept away beyond the four corners of the earth where they could no longer haunt me. Then I could fall into a state of blissful ignorance. I would rather feel nothing than to keep reliving this torment over and over.

" Does he even care? " I muttered the words aloud only half expecting a reply. Goten had come into the room a short while ago, and he had been quietly glancing through a magazine and munching on potato chips for the duration of his stay.

He looked up suddenly when I spoke; his dark eyes were wide with surprise and uncertainty. Apparently, I'd done quite of bit of mindless rambling after the initial hysterics had worn me to exhaustion. Goten didn't know whether to acknowledge the question or turn his attention back to the magazine.

After an extended moment of silence I turned my gaze to where he sat, " Maybe I deserve this. " It was a simple statement, and it reflected every negative thought that had consumed my mind during the passing hours.

I had wanted the young prince, desired him as I had never desired another, and I had gone to him the night our child was conceived. There had been a choice, and I had chosen to give myself to him. He'd never declared love...only offered release from the torment of a longing that I was too weak to control. And when he'd made it clear that nothing would come of this pairing, I reacted in the only way that I knew. A slave to my emotions, I had bolted...taking the path that was easiest for me. Had I even stopped to truly consider Goku's warnings? No...because I couldn't face the consequences of what I had allowed to happen.

" Don't be ridiculous. You know that's not true. "

I was taken aback by the abrasive manner in which he spoke. Did he think that I wanted his pity? Maybe he blamed me for everything, too. Trunks was his best friend after all. There was a deep frown upon his lips, a mirror of his father's expression, and it made him seem older...wiser somehow. It was the look of one who has seen the woes of the world and felt the pain of a lifetime, and yet he couldn't be much older than I.

" I did everything wrong. "

" Just because you misjudged the situation, it doesn't mean you deserve this kind of pain. No one deserves to be hurt. "

" Does he know yet? " There was a hint of challenge in the question...daring Goten to answer. How would Goku's youngest son approach such a sensitive query? Would he actually answer me or find some way to avert the issue?

Goten seemed very detached for the most part, showing hints of kindness here and there when the situation demanded it, but, overall, it appeared that he kept his feelings guarded...reluctant to delve too deeply into emotional matters. He remained on the outskirts of the situation at hand dealing only with the things that needed to be dealt with at the immediate moment. It was a heavy contrast to the heart felt confidences shared by his older brother.

A flicker of unease lit in his eyes, and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly at my words. He carefully closed the near forgotten magazine and placed it on the small table beside him, then it seemed as though he was trying to collect his thoughts. All I wanted was a yes or no, yet he acted as though his next statement would alter the world as we knew it.

I said nothing further, and soon the silence became almost too much to tolerate. Perhaps his solution was to pretend that I had asked nothing at all. Another minute passed before he cleared his throat and directly met my gaze once more, " Yes, he does. "

" He does. " My voice echoed the reply, but it sounded empty, unconvinced. But I'd already known the answer, hadn't I? My mind grasped at the fuzzy recollection of the conversation I'd had with Goku just before he'd told me of the miscarriage. He'd mentioned that Trunks had left because he didn't want to upset me further, but maybe he just didn't want to deal with it. Goodness knows, the pregnancy was too much for his precious time...why should this be any different?

" Don't jump to conclusions, " he said quickly. " It was the best thing at the time. "

" He never wanted the child, Goten, and he never wanted me. I don't blame him for not being here. " It hurt to say, but it was the truth. How could I expect him to sit at my bedside and mourn with me when he'd wanted no part of it from the beginning?

Goten shifted in his chair; one hand pushed a few stray locks of hair from his eyes, and he sighed deeply, " I know he said and did some terrible things to you, and I can't make any excuses for him. He's not really like this if you can believe it. One thing I can promise though is that he'll come back, and when he does, you have to talk to him. "

" There's nothing to say. "

" We both know that's not the case. Sooner or later, it has to be faced. If you don't deal with it now, it will eat away at you for the rest of your life. "

I looked at him warily. How could he know so much? Then I noticed that there seemed to be a hint of pain in his eyes as though he spoke from experience, but what heartache did he harbor behind that wisdom? It hadn't occurred to me that Goten had left someone behind, because, yet again, I had been relying on my own knowledge as opposed to reality.

He shook his head just a bit, and I knew immediately that it would be a mistake to question him on the matter. It was a personal demon that wanted to deal with in his own way. " Just do I say. Trunks is my best friend, and for both of your sakes you need to discuss this. "

" Every time I try talking to him it ends in disaster. "

" Things are different now. " The statement was barely above a whisper, and it stirred an odd sensation of deja vou in the back of mind.

I couldn't argue. Things were definitely different. There was no remaining reason for me to hope that I would ever be a part of his life, and he had no reason to feel any obligation towards me. Everything had changed. The only consistency that remained was my feelings for the Saiya-jin warrior, and I wished with all of my heart that I could change those, too.

I was just about to ask Goten how Trunks had reacted to the news when the air grew dense with an approaching presence. Goten sat straight up in his chair; his head snapping upwards in alarm. I could feel his energy level rise sharply as he stood then dropped immediately into a fighting stance.

It was becoming difficult to breath in the small room, and my panic grew as I realized what was happening. I forced my gaze to the doorway, and there stood the Saiya-jin no Ouji with murder burning in his black eyes. For several seconds my heart seemed to still, and I could feel the threat of death looming heavy in the air.

" Back off, Vegeta! " snapped Goten pushing his Ki level higher.

I felt faint. Goten's power was incredible, but I knew that he was no match for Vegeta. This fact wasn't based on the show...it was something I sensed just being near them. Goten was quickly approaching his limits while Vegeta had scarcely tapped into his rage. There was nothing the younger Saiya-jin could do to keep the other from killing me where I lay.

Vegeta took a step into the room, and Goten greeted his approach with a Ki blast. It ricocheted ineffectually off Vegeta's hand and smashed through the bedroom window with an ear-shattering explosion, and I felt the tiny shards of glass rain down all around me cutting my arms as I threw them over my face.

There was some type of commotion elsewhere in the house, and I prayed that it was Goku and Gohan coming to help. Looking up, I saw Vegeta and Goten exchanging a frenzy of blows. Goten seemed to be holding him back, but how long could he hold out?

Vegeta caught Goten with an unexpected strike to the ribs that sent the recipient gasping to his knees. I screamed wondering what was taking Goku so long to come, but it served only to draw the prince's attention. I shook uncontrollably knowing that there was nothing left to save me...

" That's enough! "

Vegeta and I both turned towards the familiar voice. " Get out of here, boy, " Vegeta growled savagely at the figure.

" I won't allow you to do this. "

All I could do was stare breathlessly at him. The brisk wind that whipped through the broken window tossed his hair about, and the lamplight illuminated the expression of defiance etched into his features. He was like a vision from a dream.

Vegeta chuckled harshly, " As if you could stop me. "

" You'll have to kill me then. "

Trunks said the words with such a careless ease, and I had no choice but to believe that he meant them. But why? After everything that had happened, why would he stand up to his father, putting his own life on the line, to protect me?

Vegeta's resolve seemed to suddenly diminish, but I still failed to understand what was happening. Of course it made sense that the prince would not want to kill his own son, but what was that strange look on Vegeta's face? He appeared almost frightened by the statement.

" Trunks... "

" I will handle this, Father. " There was an inarguable finality in the statement, and I was awe struck by the events unfolding before my eyes.

The prince glared at me for what seemed like an eternity before moving slowly towards the door. Trunks stepped to one side to allow his father to exit the room. Vegeta paused beside him, casting one last spiteful glance in my direction, " She killed your child, boy, remember that. "

Then, he was gone.