Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Crossing the Boundaries ❯ Beyond the Mask ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Goten was on his feet once again as Vegeta disappeared from sight. He had resumed that standoffish yet contemplative stance with which he seemed to regard most things, and it made me wonder what exactly he thought of all this.

Trunks walked over to his friend, and they conversed quietly for several minutes. Every so often Goten would cast a sideways glance to where I sat in stunned silence watching them talk. Though I longed to know what they were saying, it took very little restraint to remain where I was, and it never crossed my mind to try and approach them.

This whole situation was reminiscent of the dreams that had plagued me while we were apart, and I feared that if I spoke it would fade leaving me alone once more. In all the time that had passed, I had never forgotten the physical perfection of my mate, yet I could not tear my gaze from him. Every movement flowed with honed precision; the powerful grace that could only be achieved through years of battle and training. And that dark hair, so exquisitely unusual in color, falling just so over his shoulders, it was impossible not to recall the sensation of those silken strands against my skin.

I knew this was dangerous...so dangerous to allow myself to admire him in such a way, but I couldn't help myself. How could I continue to be so vulnerable to this man when he'd said and done the things that he had? Such utter insanity! I had become incapable of controlling my own desires.

Trunks gave a slight nod, and Goten looked over at me again. He gave a small reassuring smile, but I felt suddenly ill as I realized that he was about to leave. He couldn't do this! I didn't want to be left alone with Trunks! Nothing good could come of it...I felt myself suddenly wishing that Vegeta had finished the job. The urge to stop Goten almost overwhelmed me, but somehow I couldn't force the words from my lips.

Goten walked over to the side of the bed as I watched him with desperate eyes, " Take it easy, and remember what I said. You have to do this. "

" But... " I choked on the word as he turned and left the room closing the door softly behind him.

My gaze dropped immediately to where my hands nervously gripped the pale blue blanket that covered the bed. What now? I couldn't begin to fathom what would happen in the next few moments. I could hear the steady rhythm of his breath, the lone sound permeating the uneasy silence of the room. Even the wind had stilled, and I briefly entertained the thought that the world around us had ceased in lieu of what was coming.

For the first time in my life I could feel every second that passed as though it were a lifetime in itself, long and tedious...wearing down my will to exist. It became impossible to determine how much time had passed, and I wondered foolishly if this would somehow end before it ever began. 'How did it come to this?' I thought wearily to myself.

I can't answer that.

That voice...

You weren't harmed at all, were you?

" You! " Without warning that single word crashed the deafening silence. I tossed my head up and stared in disbelief at his back which was still turned towards me. " All this time! " I shouted jumping from the bed, unmindful of the glass bits stinging my flesh and the dull pain that radiated through my entire body.

The days of laying in bed and not eating had left me weak, and I felt my legs quickly give way beneath me. Trunks was there before I hit the floor, holding me carefully upright. He set me back on the bed and immediately stepped away as though worried that I might hurt him. If I could have, well, I just may have.

" It was you that night! " I yelled pointing an accusing finger, " How did you do it? Why didn't I know? " He'd invaded my mind in the most vulnerable moments of my life...never allowing me to know who or what I was opening myself up to...letting me believe in those dark, desperate moments that I was still closed off from him. How many times had I suffered this unknown violation?

Those questions hung in the air, demanding explanation. Trunks sighed taking another step backwards and crossing his arms over his chest, " I don't blame you for being angry, " he said finally, " but I had reasons for doing it. Reasons you wouldn't understand. "

" I've got news for you, I haven't understood one damn thing since this all began. If nothing else, you owe me an explanation! " I was still shouting, but my resolve was slipping. Tears threatening to fall...I was so tired of everything.

He hesitated. I was still cut off from his thoughts and feelings, and his expression revealed nothing. How did he hide it all so well? Could it be that he was really that indifferent to the situation, or was it something more than that?

Trunks shook his head, and I noticed that his eyes never quite met mine. His almost blatant refusal to talk to me was maddening, and I didn't have the tolerance for it any longer, " For years I watched Dragonball Z and thought about what it would be like to know you. Trunks was a hero...someone who suffered so much because he wanted to save the world, and he did it without question. I saw so many things in that character that I admired, and maybe it was my fault for filling in the gaps the way I thought they should be. Never could I have imagined the truth! You're so cold, so distant, so....self absorbed!

You showed up on my doorstep like something out of a fantasy, and I was lost. There wasn't anything I wouldn't have done for you, but you took advantage of it! You violated me in every way possible, and like a god damned fool I accepted it! I refused to believe that there was nothing more to you than what I was seeing because I Ioved you! "

I paused to take a trembling breath, and my anger flared again when I noticed the blank expression on his face. Was he even hearing me? " How can you stand there like that? How can you just act like nothing has happened? Our...my baby is dead because you don't care about a damned person but yourself! "

It was then that I broke down. Saying the words out loud brought the devastating truth to an undeniable reality. I'd lost my baby. That fragile, innocent life had been ended because I'd been too stupid to hate this man, and he didn't even care!

" Say something, you bastard! Damn it! Don't you feel anything? " I grabbed a water pitcher from the bedside table and threw it at him. He easily avoided it, and it struck the wall behind him with a resounding thud.

" You think you know it all, but you don't know anything. "

The statement was sharp, sounding for all the world as if I'd offended him. Where did he get the nerve to say such a thing to me? After everything he'd put me through...

" How dare you! " I was shaking with rage as I stood unsteadily and stumbled forward wanting more than anything to hurt him somehow. I had suffered so much for him! Where was the justice? Raising one hand I drew back and, with all of the strength I could muster, slapped him across the face.

No sooner did I realize what I'd done than he had a hold of my wrist. My breath caught in my throat, terrified by my own boldness. I was instantly reminded of that first night...the fear instilled by the power he possessed, and the uncertainty of what he was capable of doing with it.

He drew me so close that I could feel his breath against my cheek, but I closed my eyes too frightened to look directly into his face. My whole body tensed preparing for the pain that I just knew was coming. 'Gods, let this be quick...'

" Why couldn't you just hate me? It would have been so much simpler. " No more than a whisper, and yet there was such a complexity there that I couldn't begin to comprehend it. He released me then; the action so sudden that I nearly fell, but I managed to make my way back to the bed.

He had turned away once more so that I couldn't see his face. What had he meant by saying that? What would be simpler? More questions...always more questions.

" I don't... "

" Understand? " he interrupted then chuckled humorlessly. " Let me see if I can clear this up for you, then. "

There was a long pause, and I waited with bated breath wondering if he would truly tell me anything. Not once had I gotten a straight answer from him, and if he gave me some kind of run-around explanation, I knew that I would lose what little sanity I had left.

" When this all started, I only had a vague idea of what was happening. My father had told me everything he knew about Saiya-jin instincts and mating rituals, but I never thought much about it because I was half human. Somehow I thought that it wouldn't affect me the same way.

Goku warned us from the start not to get too close to you, and I tried to maintain a distance. It didn't help when I realized that you had feelings for me. Hell, I didn't even understand why or how I knew it, but it pushed me to a point that I couldn't control myself anymore. To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot from those two days. I mean, " he stammered a bit before continuing, " I know what happened, but it's like trying to remember a dream...not totally clear. "

" I could have accepted that, but you left me. You walked right out the door and never looked back. I felt so used... "

My voice trailed off when he spun around and fixed that deep blue stare on me, " Think about what you're saying, " he snapped. " Do you think I was proud of what I'd done? Have you ever come to your senses only to realize that you've hurt and violated someone who had no means of defending themselves? I couldn't even look at you without being reminded of the awful things I'd done, and it was more than I could handle at the time! "

I felt numb listening to him. It had never occurred to me that he'd been ashamed of what had happened. It made sense, and yet... " Is...is that why you said we'd never be together? Is that... " my voice shook ever so slightly, " why you didn't want the baby? "

Trunks visibly winced at the mention of the child. A flash of some unknown emotion lit in his eyes, but he shifted his gaze before I could determine what it was. " The night you left....I'll admit that I wanted to hurt you, but it was because I wanted you to hate me. I honestly believed that if I could drive you far enough away, we'd both be better off. But you wouldn't! After everything I'd done...you still forgave me! So, I said the most terrible things I could think of never imagining that you would run away. "

" But why? Why did want me to hate you so much? I understand that you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you, but were you really willing to abandon your own child because of it? "

When he first looked at me again I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but it soon became apparent that I wasn't imagining anything. There was the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes and a depth of pain that seemed to go on forever, but his tone was steady as he answered my question, " I don't hate you, if that's what you're thinking. I don't even really know you, but I couldn't risk the very real possibility that I would come to have feelings for you. I knew what you already felt, and all I could think was that I had to stop it before I hurt you any more.

We appeared here out of nowhere. No one knows how or why it happened. If I let myself love you...and the child...I always stood the chance of losing it. I've seen what Gohan has been going through day after day, and it scared the hell out of me to think that I might wake up one morning back in my own world. Then I would be forced to live the rest of my life knowing that I couldn't be with you...and that I had a child who would grow up never knowing who I was. I didn't think either of us needed that pain. " A single tear wound it's way along his face, but he pretended not to notice.

I was crying silently as I listened to him speak. All this time I'd blamed him...accused him of being an emotionless bastard. He'd been hurting just as much as I was while trying to figure this all out. Why couldn't I have seen it sooner?

" I - I'm sorry that I left...that I-I...oh gods... "

The guilt I'd felt over the loss of the baby came rushing back in a crushing wave of despair. " She killed your child, boy, remember that. " Vegeta's parting words echoed in my head, and he was right.

Trunks sat on the edge of the bed next to me wrapping one arm awkwardly around my shoulders as I sobbed. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go. " Don't do this to yourself, " he said quietly. " There was nothing anyone could do. "

" Goku - warned - me...and I still left... "

He sighed again, " Do you honestly believe that I didn't know where you were? "

I looked up with a stunned gasp, " What? "

" I followed you when you left, carefully hiding my presence, always keeping a safe distance. Sometimes when you slept I would open the bond fully just so that I knew you were all right. When things started getting bad, I tried to tell myself that I didn't care what happened, and I even came back here. My father tried to force me to tell him where you were, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't because I wanted to piss him off. It had gotten to the point that I hoped he would just end it so that I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

But that same night...I was on my way back. I was going to tell you everything because I knew that the stress was becoming too much for you. I'd talked to Gohan, and he'd convinced me that I was doing this all wrong. He even came with me so there was no chance I'd back out.

On the way, it suddenly occurred to me what you were about to do, and I thought that I could use the bond to distract you long enough for us to get there. But when you had that first pain...I could feel it. I didn't know what was happening at first....I didn't know... "

He faltered then, his composure slipping as he recounted the events of that night, " If I had any idea...if I...but I didn't. I thought that everything would be all right. I just didn't realize...how bad it was.

The lady in the house didn't even know what was happening, and she didn't take very well to us barging in like we did. It was already too late to do anything when we got there. There was so much blood...you were so pale...I- we thought..."

His voice broke then, and he didn't go on. I glanced up to find a vacant expression on his face - as though he was trying to forget the image replaying in his mind. I don't know what I felt just then - knowing that he'd sensed what was happening and ignoring it. This was just too much to register at once. I had all the answers, but I was more confused than ever.

Suddenly he spoke again, " If I wasn't so busy trying to protect myself, this wouldn't have happened. I'll never been able to make up for everything I've done to you. "

He drew away then and stood slowly, " You probably won't believe me, but I never wanted to hurt you. "