Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Crowned Evil ❯ No One Loves You ( Chapter 9 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Jady 
Gohan attempts suicide.
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.16.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 451 | Status: Work In Progress
Gohan attempts suicide.
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.16.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 451 | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter 9: No One Loves You
Months Later:
It was just a simple conversation developing. There was nothing unusual about the young Gohan chatting with the dead. It happened often, and more often with each passing week. Gohan stood in front of a closed door, his back to the wood. It was only minutes after the Cell Games. His bloodless hands still held the life of his father on them, and yet Gokou sat at the table with a cheerful smile on his face, chatting away with all the other dead senshi that circled it.
Raditzu also sat in one of the seats around that table, with the earliest form of Frieza sitting at his side, the demon's legs propped up in the Saiyajin's lap as he pulled grapes of a vine with his teeth, swallowing each one whole. Chichi sat at that table, across from Frieza, with the chibi infant Goten in her arms. The young baby sobbed terribly, his cries echoing above all other conversation. There was no lighting anywhere in the room. Shadows bounced across every corner, over each person's face as they chatted happily except for the sobbing infant.
Smiling happily, Gohan stepped forward. This was the way it should be, everyone together and happy. He wondered why the Briefs family wasn't here. Everyone was together, his father was alive… it was perfection.
As soon as Gohan moved, silence overwhelmed the table and all eyes were directed towards him. It was then he realized. Life was indeed perfect… because he wasn't in it. Narrowed raging black orbs stared at him, telling him to leave before someone died. "No one loves you," Gokou stated sternly, standing from his chair as he pointed an accusing finger to Gohan. "You're nothing but a vessel of violence, death and evil!" exclaimed Frieza as he stood from his chair, head held high as his hands rested on his hips. Raditzu glared angrily at Gohan. "You're the reason I died, the reason all those on Vejita-sei died!"
Chichi scoffed from where she sat, bouncing Goten in her arms. "I had this child because I hoped he would right the wrong I created when you were accidentally conceived. Haven't you noticed? He's just like his father in every way!" She turned to glare angrily at him. "It's the closest thing to Gokou we have now because of you."
Gohan cried out and stumbled backwards, grabbing the doorknob and yanking it opened. Blindly he ran through the unfamiliar corridors of what appeared to be a castle of some kind, but he didn't know nor care. He'd never been here before. He didn't want to be here now. He came upon a staircase that spiraled downwards. Gohan jumped over the railing and plummeted downwards until his feet connected with a stone floor. A doorway greeted him at the end of the staircase and he shoved it opened, thankfully immersed in the cool breeze of a landscape. He stepped outside, breathing in the fresh air, allowing the tension to drain from his body.
A doe stood behind a tree. Her head was low as she grazed in the thick and high grass, but as Gohan entered she jerked upwards, backing slowly away, her vivid brown eyes staring in fear at him. She seemed to tremble as she gazed upon him in the ruin shreds of his destroyed gi. Gohan cried out to her, reaching forward to try and sooth her, but his movement only frightened the nameless deer. She spun and ran off for her life.
"No," Gohan whispered somberly, collapsing on the grass. He buried his head in his hands. Why did everyone hate him? Did they want him to just go away and die?
"Here, boy," came a callous voice. Gohan's gaze jerked up to see Vejita standing before him, a dagger resting in his opened palm. It was a simple blade with a black hilt, the silver blade glowing in the sunlight above. Gohan stared at it for a long moment before he realized that Vejita was no longer standing before him. Gohan rose to his feet and spun around, searching for the Saiyajin no Ouji unsuccessfully. His eyes fell back to the hovering weapon. Cautiously he reached out, wondering if it, too, would vanish. His fingertips found the hilt and encircled it. It was surprisingly heavy for such a small object. The edge sparkled beneath the sun's rays. He brought it before his face, seeing the shimmering sharp point resting before his eyes.
Within the reflections of the blade he saw his father's raging face. "No one loves you!" Gokou roared out, his mouth enlarging until it consumed the entire surface of the blade, causing it to blacken before the bright silver shade returned. Gohan blinked as tears filled his eyes. Indeed, no one loved him. The blade fell down into his palm as his hands began shaking. His fist encircled the blade, tightening. Gohan winced as he felt the sharp pain as the edge pierced his skin, but the soothing overwhelmed him. He sighed, looking down as blood dripped from his palm. He dragged the blade down to his wrist, resting it against the visible veins in his arm. Gohan gazed up to the blue heavens as he pressed the blade down.
Searing pain echoed or a brief moment before it all vanished. Gohan jerked up in the thickness of the grass a few feet outside his house. He jumped to his feet, eyes turning to the windows. Inside he saw Goten sitting at the kitchen table, woofing down food as Chichi chatted away across from him - Gohan forgotten. 'No one loves you.'
Tears flowing from his eyes, Gohan rushed to his feet and darted into the woods. He couldn't take gazing at the family that he had broken. Through the thick forest the teenager ran, leaping over fallen trees and ducking under low branches. He didn't know where he was running, but Gohan quickly realized that the direction he was heading was towards the lake. Death by drowning - it seemed appropriate, though not as much as that of a ki blast or dagger. Death was death, though. With his direction known, Gohan took to the skies, hovering only inches above the treetops. Within seconds his eyes landed upon the glassy surface of the lake.
"No one loves you!" screamed a voice from the skies. Gohan's eyes jerked upwards, seeing nothing but the black crows that filled the skies during the night. He shook the echoing voice that had been within his dream out of his head and descended from the skies, landing at the edge of the lake. Without pause he dove in, swimming to the murky bottom.
His fists ran against the muddy end of the lake and he turned, facing the skies, watching them through the water. How long would it take, he wondered? How difficult would it be to remain down here? Would Mirai Trunks miss him, or just miss the fucks? Would Vejita care at all? Would Goten continue on the path that Gohan had placed him on, with chibi Trunks at his side, or would they return to the ways Chichi and Gokou had wanted them to be on? His lungs began to burn as his mind told him to breathe. Gohan ignored the voice, as well as the echoing screams of how worthless he was in the background. Just voices, he reminded himself. They meant little, and he already knew that no one loved him. Why'd he need to listen to a reminder?
Around him, things started growing dark. A little gold and blue fish swam up, pecking at his cheek before darting away as he swept at it. Mud was slowly filling his boots as he dug his heels into the bottom to keep himself from floating upwards. His chest began aching more.
'GOHAN!' a voice roared from nowhere. Gohan forced his eyes to blink, but around he only saw darkness. He gasped to try and speak, but water only filled his lungs. The teenager gagged and swiped at the water, trying unconsciously to find air. No, he told himself, shoving his head downwards against his chest. No, don't find air! You have to die! The scream of his name echoed out in his head again. Gohan tried to scream out and block the voice. His hands clasped over his ears. "I'm killing myself!" he tried to scream, but as his lips opened water only entered again. Gohan gasped and gagged, vomit rushing out of his stomach, causing the water to grow even darker.
Suddenly he felt air. Gohan threw up again, surprised when water didn't just rush again into his lungs. He blinked, water pouring out of his mouth. He wasn't in the water any longer, but instead was flying above it. The lake vanished beneath him, replaced by the smooth surface of land, grass beneath his hands and feet. On his hands and knees Gohan rested, coughing up the water that remained in his lungs as he gasped for oxygen. As his heartbeat finally began to calm Gohan raised his eyes upwards, searching his surroundings. His vision came upon the dark violet shade of pants above orange funny shoes. "Piccolo," Gohan whispered, breathing heavily. He rose up to his knees to see the harsh face of the green alien looking down upon him harshly, black eyes narrowed with anger. Gohan chuckled, wiping the water away from his lips. "What, you wanted the pleasure of ending me for yourself?"
"You wanted to die?" Piccolo snarled, somewhat shocked. His tiny black eyes were wide with the expression. Gohan smiled and rose to his feet. "Do you think a Saiyajin could actually drown? Come on, Piccolo," he said with a faint depressed smile, eyes looking longingly back to lake. He'd been so close…
"What do you think you're doing?" roared his old sensei. Piccolo grabbed Gohan by his wet blue shirt and shoved him against a nearby tree. As his head struck a tree Gohan took notice of a raging pounding in his head. He winced and tried to shut out the banging echoes unsuccessfully. "What's it matter?" he muttered in annoyance, clasping his hand over his eyes. He heard Piccolo's raging growl quietly in front of him. "What do you mean 'what does it matter?'" he demanded, shoving Gohan against the tree again. Gohan winced and shoved back, stepping away from the trunk with an annoyed and pain-filled glare. "I don't see why you care! No one gives a damn about me! What am I, Piccolo? A good fuck, an amusing play toy, and a pain in the ass - that's it, don't you see?" Gohan sighed, wincing again as the pain increased.
Gohan didn't notice Piccolo step forward until the alien's nails were pressing against the bottom of his chin. Gohan was forced to look up into the eyes of Piccolo, and to his great surprise there was emotion in the tiny black orbs - the mixed emotion of fear and love. "You were going to kill yourself, weren't you?" he stated in a shaking whisper, his eyes betraying the callous façade that the alien had his entire life developing. Piccolo received no response from Gohan, the young boy refusing to even meet his gaze. For the past few months Piccolo had been observing the changes in silence. He knew that getting involved would have only made things worse. Horrified, he had watched Gohan lose everything that mattered to him as insanity slowly slipped in. The sex with Vejita and Trunks, the constant playful torture games of Videl, Goten, Trunks, and Satan-san… and the dreams and illusions, along with the voices. They had slowly been creeping in, overwhelming the young boy. "It's not true, Gohan!" Piccolo exclaimed as he tried to approach Gohan, who only jumped back. "Come to Kami's Lookout with me. Stay with me for a few months until you're back to yourself."
Gohan tilted his head slightly as he fell back against another tree trunk, looking at the alien with hazed eyes. "You want it too, don't you, Piccolo? I'm nothing but a good fuck and an amusing plaything." He stepped forward and grabbed Piccolo's shirt, pulling him down. Piccolo grabbed Gohan's long hair and jerked the boy back with a snarl. "I'm not going to fuck you, Gohan," he hissed, shoving Gohan back.
Surprised, Gohan stumbled and stared at Piccolo, enraged that his desires had been denied. Piccolo's arms folded across his chest. "Sex to you is nothing but an escape. You don't love Vejita or Mirai Trunks." Piccolo felt the boy's ki rising slowly, threatening to explode at a wrong movement or misused word. Piccolo frowned deeply, but remained motionless. "You're a son to me, Gohan, not some bitch I want to dominate. You're what kept me good, not your father. If Gokou had died back when you were a child, I would have still changed when I met you."
Gohan scoffed and pulled off his dripping shirt, wringing the material out. Piccolo watched in silence, knowing the boy needed time to think, needed to do something with his hands. Evil was like a drug, it made people jittery and anxious, always in the need for something sinful whether it be mental or physical torture, blood coating their hands, or sex. As the last drips of water dropped to the muddy ground, Gohan shook out the shirt and paused, staring at the interlaced fabrics before his eyes rose up to Piccolo, a little less frantic and calmer. "You promised me," he whispered quietly.
Piccolo nodded, his head turning away. Gohan stepped forward with a faint smirk on his lips. "I want you to fulfill that promise, Piccolo-san. Escape with me, if that's what I'm doing."
"I'm not going to have sex with you, Gohan," he snarled. Gohan, in silence, watched him for a few moments before nodding with a faint smile. "Fine, Piccolo," he shrugged, slowly rising to the air.
Together Piccolo and Gohan flew through the chilly late winds as the gods of the night whispered thoughts into Gohan's ears. The birds they passed stared with hatred while the moon glared with rage. The echoes in his mind escalated, screaming at him to take over and take control, to take Piccolo in the most violent way possible and make the alien sob beneath his power. Gohan's hands were trembling as he forced his gaze straight ahead. He could hear Piccolo searching his mind, listening to the thoughts the filled his head. No, he whispered silent, his lips moving with the word. No. Not Piccolo. The Namekian was the only strip of sanity that Gohan had left, and although his instincts were screaming with rage, demanding the oddly colored blood of Piccolo to flow through his fingertips, Gohan was glad Piccolo had refused. Someone would have to control him when he lost everything.
~*~
TBC
Review!
Months Later:
It was just a simple conversation developing. There was nothing unusual about the young Gohan chatting with the dead. It happened often, and more often with each passing week. Gohan stood in front of a closed door, his back to the wood. It was only minutes after the Cell Games. His bloodless hands still held the life of his father on them, and yet Gokou sat at the table with a cheerful smile on his face, chatting away with all the other dead senshi that circled it.
Raditzu also sat in one of the seats around that table, with the earliest form of Frieza sitting at his side, the demon's legs propped up in the Saiyajin's lap as he pulled grapes of a vine with his teeth, swallowing each one whole. Chichi sat at that table, across from Frieza, with the chibi infant Goten in her arms. The young baby sobbed terribly, his cries echoing above all other conversation. There was no lighting anywhere in the room. Shadows bounced across every corner, over each person's face as they chatted happily except for the sobbing infant.
Smiling happily, Gohan stepped forward. This was the way it should be, everyone together and happy. He wondered why the Briefs family wasn't here. Everyone was together, his father was alive… it was perfection.
As soon as Gohan moved, silence overwhelmed the table and all eyes were directed towards him. It was then he realized. Life was indeed perfect… because he wasn't in it. Narrowed raging black orbs stared at him, telling him to leave before someone died. "No one loves you," Gokou stated sternly, standing from his chair as he pointed an accusing finger to Gohan. "You're nothing but a vessel of violence, death and evil!" exclaimed Frieza as he stood from his chair, head held high as his hands rested on his hips. Raditzu glared angrily at Gohan. "You're the reason I died, the reason all those on Vejita-sei died!"
Chichi scoffed from where she sat, bouncing Goten in her arms. "I had this child because I hoped he would right the wrong I created when you were accidentally conceived. Haven't you noticed? He's just like his father in every way!" She turned to glare angrily at him. "It's the closest thing to Gokou we have now because of you."
Gohan cried out and stumbled backwards, grabbing the doorknob and yanking it opened. Blindly he ran through the unfamiliar corridors of what appeared to be a castle of some kind, but he didn't know nor care. He'd never been here before. He didn't want to be here now. He came upon a staircase that spiraled downwards. Gohan jumped over the railing and plummeted downwards until his feet connected with a stone floor. A doorway greeted him at the end of the staircase and he shoved it opened, thankfully immersed in the cool breeze of a landscape. He stepped outside, breathing in the fresh air, allowing the tension to drain from his body.
A doe stood behind a tree. Her head was low as she grazed in the thick and high grass, but as Gohan entered she jerked upwards, backing slowly away, her vivid brown eyes staring in fear at him. She seemed to tremble as she gazed upon him in the ruin shreds of his destroyed gi. Gohan cried out to her, reaching forward to try and sooth her, but his movement only frightened the nameless deer. She spun and ran off for her life.
"No," Gohan whispered somberly, collapsing on the grass. He buried his head in his hands. Why did everyone hate him? Did they want him to just go away and die?
"Here, boy," came a callous voice. Gohan's gaze jerked up to see Vejita standing before him, a dagger resting in his opened palm. It was a simple blade with a black hilt, the silver blade glowing in the sunlight above. Gohan stared at it for a long moment before he realized that Vejita was no longer standing before him. Gohan rose to his feet and spun around, searching for the Saiyajin no Ouji unsuccessfully. His eyes fell back to the hovering weapon. Cautiously he reached out, wondering if it, too, would vanish. His fingertips found the hilt and encircled it. It was surprisingly heavy for such a small object. The edge sparkled beneath the sun's rays. He brought it before his face, seeing the shimmering sharp point resting before his eyes.
Within the reflections of the blade he saw his father's raging face. "No one loves you!" Gokou roared out, his mouth enlarging until it consumed the entire surface of the blade, causing it to blacken before the bright silver shade returned. Gohan blinked as tears filled his eyes. Indeed, no one loved him. The blade fell down into his palm as his hands began shaking. His fist encircled the blade, tightening. Gohan winced as he felt the sharp pain as the edge pierced his skin, but the soothing overwhelmed him. He sighed, looking down as blood dripped from his palm. He dragged the blade down to his wrist, resting it against the visible veins in his arm. Gohan gazed up to the blue heavens as he pressed the blade down.
Searing pain echoed or a brief moment before it all vanished. Gohan jerked up in the thickness of the grass a few feet outside his house. He jumped to his feet, eyes turning to the windows. Inside he saw Goten sitting at the kitchen table, woofing down food as Chichi chatted away across from him - Gohan forgotten. 'No one loves you.'
Tears flowing from his eyes, Gohan rushed to his feet and darted into the woods. He couldn't take gazing at the family that he had broken. Through the thick forest the teenager ran, leaping over fallen trees and ducking under low branches. He didn't know where he was running, but Gohan quickly realized that the direction he was heading was towards the lake. Death by drowning - it seemed appropriate, though not as much as that of a ki blast or dagger. Death was death, though. With his direction known, Gohan took to the skies, hovering only inches above the treetops. Within seconds his eyes landed upon the glassy surface of the lake.
"No one loves you!" screamed a voice from the skies. Gohan's eyes jerked upwards, seeing nothing but the black crows that filled the skies during the night. He shook the echoing voice that had been within his dream out of his head and descended from the skies, landing at the edge of the lake. Without pause he dove in, swimming to the murky bottom.
His fists ran against the muddy end of the lake and he turned, facing the skies, watching them through the water. How long would it take, he wondered? How difficult would it be to remain down here? Would Mirai Trunks miss him, or just miss the fucks? Would Vejita care at all? Would Goten continue on the path that Gohan had placed him on, with chibi Trunks at his side, or would they return to the ways Chichi and Gokou had wanted them to be on? His lungs began to burn as his mind told him to breathe. Gohan ignored the voice, as well as the echoing screams of how worthless he was in the background. Just voices, he reminded himself. They meant little, and he already knew that no one loved him. Why'd he need to listen to a reminder?
Around him, things started growing dark. A little gold and blue fish swam up, pecking at his cheek before darting away as he swept at it. Mud was slowly filling his boots as he dug his heels into the bottom to keep himself from floating upwards. His chest began aching more.
'GOHAN!' a voice roared from nowhere. Gohan forced his eyes to blink, but around he only saw darkness. He gasped to try and speak, but water only filled his lungs. The teenager gagged and swiped at the water, trying unconsciously to find air. No, he told himself, shoving his head downwards against his chest. No, don't find air! You have to die! The scream of his name echoed out in his head again. Gohan tried to scream out and block the voice. His hands clasped over his ears. "I'm killing myself!" he tried to scream, but as his lips opened water only entered again. Gohan gasped and gagged, vomit rushing out of his stomach, causing the water to grow even darker.
Suddenly he felt air. Gohan threw up again, surprised when water didn't just rush again into his lungs. He blinked, water pouring out of his mouth. He wasn't in the water any longer, but instead was flying above it. The lake vanished beneath him, replaced by the smooth surface of land, grass beneath his hands and feet. On his hands and knees Gohan rested, coughing up the water that remained in his lungs as he gasped for oxygen. As his heartbeat finally began to calm Gohan raised his eyes upwards, searching his surroundings. His vision came upon the dark violet shade of pants above orange funny shoes. "Piccolo," Gohan whispered, breathing heavily. He rose up to his knees to see the harsh face of the green alien looking down upon him harshly, black eyes narrowed with anger. Gohan chuckled, wiping the water away from his lips. "What, you wanted the pleasure of ending me for yourself?"
"You wanted to die?" Piccolo snarled, somewhat shocked. His tiny black eyes were wide with the expression. Gohan smiled and rose to his feet. "Do you think a Saiyajin could actually drown? Come on, Piccolo," he said with a faint depressed smile, eyes looking longingly back to lake. He'd been so close…
"What do you think you're doing?" roared his old sensei. Piccolo grabbed Gohan by his wet blue shirt and shoved him against a nearby tree. As his head struck a tree Gohan took notice of a raging pounding in his head. He winced and tried to shut out the banging echoes unsuccessfully. "What's it matter?" he muttered in annoyance, clasping his hand over his eyes. He heard Piccolo's raging growl quietly in front of him. "What do you mean 'what does it matter?'" he demanded, shoving Gohan against the tree again. Gohan winced and shoved back, stepping away from the trunk with an annoyed and pain-filled glare. "I don't see why you care! No one gives a damn about me! What am I, Piccolo? A good fuck, an amusing play toy, and a pain in the ass - that's it, don't you see?" Gohan sighed, wincing again as the pain increased.
Gohan didn't notice Piccolo step forward until the alien's nails were pressing against the bottom of his chin. Gohan was forced to look up into the eyes of Piccolo, and to his great surprise there was emotion in the tiny black orbs - the mixed emotion of fear and love. "You were going to kill yourself, weren't you?" he stated in a shaking whisper, his eyes betraying the callous façade that the alien had his entire life developing. Piccolo received no response from Gohan, the young boy refusing to even meet his gaze. For the past few months Piccolo had been observing the changes in silence. He knew that getting involved would have only made things worse. Horrified, he had watched Gohan lose everything that mattered to him as insanity slowly slipped in. The sex with Vejita and Trunks, the constant playful torture games of Videl, Goten, Trunks, and Satan-san… and the dreams and illusions, along with the voices. They had slowly been creeping in, overwhelming the young boy. "It's not true, Gohan!" Piccolo exclaimed as he tried to approach Gohan, who only jumped back. "Come to Kami's Lookout with me. Stay with me for a few months until you're back to yourself."
Gohan tilted his head slightly as he fell back against another tree trunk, looking at the alien with hazed eyes. "You want it too, don't you, Piccolo? I'm nothing but a good fuck and an amusing plaything." He stepped forward and grabbed Piccolo's shirt, pulling him down. Piccolo grabbed Gohan's long hair and jerked the boy back with a snarl. "I'm not going to fuck you, Gohan," he hissed, shoving Gohan back.
Surprised, Gohan stumbled and stared at Piccolo, enraged that his desires had been denied. Piccolo's arms folded across his chest. "Sex to you is nothing but an escape. You don't love Vejita or Mirai Trunks." Piccolo felt the boy's ki rising slowly, threatening to explode at a wrong movement or misused word. Piccolo frowned deeply, but remained motionless. "You're a son to me, Gohan, not some bitch I want to dominate. You're what kept me good, not your father. If Gokou had died back when you were a child, I would have still changed when I met you."
Gohan scoffed and pulled off his dripping shirt, wringing the material out. Piccolo watched in silence, knowing the boy needed time to think, needed to do something with his hands. Evil was like a drug, it made people jittery and anxious, always in the need for something sinful whether it be mental or physical torture, blood coating their hands, or sex. As the last drips of water dropped to the muddy ground, Gohan shook out the shirt and paused, staring at the interlaced fabrics before his eyes rose up to Piccolo, a little less frantic and calmer. "You promised me," he whispered quietly.
Piccolo nodded, his head turning away. Gohan stepped forward with a faint smirk on his lips. "I want you to fulfill that promise, Piccolo-san. Escape with me, if that's what I'm doing."
"I'm not going to have sex with you, Gohan," he snarled. Gohan, in silence, watched him for a few moments before nodding with a faint smile. "Fine, Piccolo," he shrugged, slowly rising to the air.
Together Piccolo and Gohan flew through the chilly late winds as the gods of the night whispered thoughts into Gohan's ears. The birds they passed stared with hatred while the moon glared with rage. The echoes in his mind escalated, screaming at him to take over and take control, to take Piccolo in the most violent way possible and make the alien sob beneath his power. Gohan's hands were trembling as he forced his gaze straight ahead. He could hear Piccolo searching his mind, listening to the thoughts the filled his head. No, he whispered silent, his lips moving with the word. No. Not Piccolo. The Namekian was the only strip of sanity that Gohan had left, and although his instincts were screaming with rage, demanding the oddly colored blood of Piccolo to flow through his fingertips, Gohan was glad Piccolo had refused. Someone would have to control him when he lost everything.
~*~
TBC
Review!