Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Don't Ever Let Go ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter 6

 

Bulma

 

I just want to die.

 

I want the pain to stop.

 

I want the misery to end. Please God, let it just end.

 

If I thought the first day after losing my child was horrible, I never would have imagined the absolute reality of what the next few days and then weeks would bring to me. In my life, I have suffered relatively few losses. Looking back, those losses are nothing that would be considered all that important in hindsight. Of course, at the times when those…those material wants disappeared, I felt like my little microcosm of me was ending. I made huge fusses out of those changes, selfishly thinking that those things were what made me as an individual and I didn't like how they destroyed part of what I considered the perfection of myself. Not being able to be the first person to make a wish on the Dragon Balls, breaking up with Yamucha, finding myself pregnant and unmarried. Yet, in all of those instances, what was taken away was given back to me in such a way that vastly improved the life I was living. I did not get to wish on the Dragon Balls, but the friends I made were the kind that last forever. I never really loved Yamucha, and although I can't say that I will ever understand Vegeta or be able to get to know what makes him tick, I love him so very much. Moreover, the gift of Trunks was the best thing that had ever happened in my life, even if the circumstances surrounding his birth were less then perfect. Actually losing something as tangible as a life that you have created is something, however, that changes your life in irrevocable ways as I was beginning to discover.

 

The first day I came back from the hospital, all I wanted was to be left alone. Left alone to cry in shame over my loss. I didn't want to see anyone, not even my own son who had no idea what had happened to his mommy. All he knew was that I had had to go to the doctor's office and that I had been sick. No one had told him that his baby brother was dead. In fact, as far as I knew, no one had even told him he was going to be an older brother. I hadn't told him because I wasn't sure how to broach the subject, especially since Vegeta had been so angry about how I had hid the truth from him. How would it have looked in his eyes to have me tell our son openly about my pregnancy? I know it would have been like another slap in the face to him, like more salt being rubbed into an already sore and festering wound.

 

Trunks had missed me terribly, never really having been apart from me for more than half of a day. The first day I had been in the hospital, my mother had been so exhausted, she had given Trunks a bowl of cereal and then had left him alone in the kitchen. Vegeta, having never been left in the role as sole responsible parent, had left him alone as well, disappearing from Capsule Corporation altogether until I finally came home. So the first thing that my little boy did was to run at me and cling to my leg, sobbing about how much he had wanted me.

 

Having him there, telling me in his own way how much he loved me and needed me should have helped lift some of the overwhelming despair that had entered into my heart. It didn't though. I didn't have the energy or motivation to give him the love he so desperately wanted. I didn't want to pretend. All I wanted was to go upstairs, lie down and then fall asleep. Realizing that just made me feel even worse. I was worthless to my son. I couldn't give him what he needed, so wrapped up in my own grief as I was. I pushed him away from me, giving him to my mother instead to deal with. I couldn't look at him, especially when he begged me to hold him. He begged me. However, I couldn't give him the comfort that only a mother's arms can give, so torn over the loss of my other son. Seeing the one alive in front of me was putting a new perspective on the death of the other. Why should one live and the other die? Who makes such choices? Why should there even be a choice?

 

Since that first day, I've tried to shake the overwhelming depression that seems to have taken over my life. The guilt over how I treated Trunks at least has had the effect of having me try to act like myself, at least for him. But it is so difficult. It's difficult to be the Bulma that everyone thinks I should be and I know I'm failing miserably at it. That's how I end upstairs, locking myself into my room. Leaning my frame against it, I slide down into a heap and wrap my arms around myself, letting the tears that have been threatening to fall finally slide down my cheeks.

 

I just can't be what people expect me to be. I just can't, not all alone. I know they say that being strong helps you to overcome all sorts of obstacles in life. Why is it that it's taking everything I have not to just give up on things? Maybe this is just another testament to how cowardly I really am. Or perhaps this sinking feeling of loss can't be helped. I just wish I didn't feel like losing my baby was my entire fault. But I do.

 

Letting out a shuddering breath, I wipe my eyes and stare at the bed in front of me. My room looks perfect. It's amazing how technology can wipe away the history of an event to the point where only the memories exist. Unfortunately, there isn't a way to erase those as well.

 

Stretching out my legs in front of me, that night comes back to haunt me as it does every time I find myself alone. How I ignored the signs. How I tried to take care of things on my own. And most of all, how I rejected the help from somebody whom probably needed that reassurance of trust more than anything else.

 

Because of my rejection, I'm sure that's why he's avoiding me again. It's almost as if his visit to the hospital was a dream, something I wanted so badly to have happened that I made it all up inside of my head. The lord knows, since I've been home for the last three weeks or so, I've hardly seen him at all except for meals. He isn't even sleeping in the same room with me anymore. No doubt, I'm the one that's driving this change in his behavior. He probably hates me. No matter that he told me there would be others, how can there be others when he doesn't even want to be next to me? Moreover, how can there be others when I don't want to deal with him either? It's just so…so fucked up, our relationship, our family. Completely broken in half, shattered because there is no communication of anything.

 

Closing my eyes, I try to imagine what even brought the two of us together in the first place. I can remember being terrified of him and loathing him at the same time when I finally met him in person on Namek. Here he was, the man responsible in some measure for the death of my boyfriend, looking for the same prize that Kuririn, Gohan and I were seeking but for vastly differing reasons. He was loathsome because he was a sadistic brute, enjoying the misery he inflicted on others. That's how I saw him. And he was terrifying because of his tremendous power and how he could flaunt it effortlessly in front of his weaker foes. Yet, I invited him to stay at Capsule after he was wished back to life and brought here with the Namek-jins who had also been slaughtered by Freeza. That's when everything shifted, when everything changed.

 

At first, he still terrified me and I avoided him as much as possible. But somehow, for whatever reason, after he left to go and bring back Goku, I decided in my head that I wouldn't be cowed by him; that he would have to listen to me. The first time I told him what to do, I thought for sure it was going to be the end of me. However, he didn't kill me. That's when I started to see him in a different light, that perhaps the person he showed to everyone else really wasn't the true Vegeta.

 

It also happened that I was finally coming to a realization that whatever Yamucha and I had had in the past was fading away from us. When he finally broke it off with me, the first person I turned to was the last person I would have ever imagined myself going to. But he didn't turn me away. True, he didn't act like he cared about me and he certainly didn't tell me he loved me, but all I wanted at the time was to just have somebody there to listen to me rant and to comfort me with their presence. Why Vegeta, I still don't know. I think it was because I knew he was lonely and he didn't really fit in with normal society. Not that he would have ever admitted to such an assumption on my part. There was something that resonated between the two of us, something I felt with him that I had never felt with Yamucha. And now, while I still feel that connection with him all these years later, I know that our own separate personal demons are what are driving us apart from one another.

 

I can't go on like this. I can't keep trying to fix Vegeta's problems now on top of my own. I can't be a corporate heiress, a mother, and a problem solver when I feel so numb and broken on the inside. That's how I end up in my room every night, crying until my eyes can't produce anymore tears. I know that crying doesn't make things better or problems go away, but it makes me feel a little better to at least release some of the pressure inside of me.

 

Wiping away some of the wetness from my face, I let out a shuddering sigh and decide if I should get up from where I'm sitting or if I should just stay there. I don't want to go back downstairs to the demands of my family, but sitting up here in the dark just makes my mood that much more despondent. I think I must have been sitting in front of the door for a good half an hour when something catches the corner of my eye. Tilting my head towards the balcony entrance, I notice that the door is open, blowing the curtains to and fro. That's when it hits me. I'm not alone any longer. My `sanctuary' has been breached.

 

“How long are you going to sit there before you decide to move?”

 

Zoning in on the voice of my husband, I can see him sitting cross legged on our bed with his arms crossed, staring at me as though he's trying to piece together a puzzle. Feeling foolish for missing his presence, I scramble up onto my feet and then turn to open the door. If I stay any longer, I know that he'll just try to provoke me into a fight or something equally ridiculous, something that doesn't seem appealing to me at all.

 

“Leaving so soon? Well, don't let me keep you from whatever it is that obviously wasn't important a half an hour ago.”

 

Flinching, I can feel the raw edge of Vegeta's voice through the razor sharpness of his biting sarcasm. Knowing him, learning about him over the years even if I haven't figured out everything there is to know about him, I can sense through his posture and his voice that he's…that he's nervous and agitated about something. He usually doesn't get this way unless there is something that is truly bothering him. He's not one to mince words, but he's also not the type of person who easily lets others know when he's uncomfortable about something. I really, really want to leave, but I also know that if I don't stay, things between us are going to only become that much worse. Once you cross a line with Vegeta, it takes him a very long time to be forgiving and I don't want him to disapprove of me anymore then he already does. Backing away from the door, I let my hand slip to my side and turn towards where he is sitting.

 

“How long have you been spying on me?”

 

“Woman, don't try to land the guilt on me. If you weren't so preoccupied with your own misery, you would have known when I entered the room.”

 

With that said, I watch as he slides his legs over the side of the bed and then stands up. I don't know why, but I'm suddenly afraid of what he's going to try to do to me. In all honesty, it's a stupid fear. For all that Vegeta has been a horrible person in the past, I came to the realization long ago that although he is more then capable of hurting me with words, he is not the type to act in a physically abusive manner. Still, there is something about his edginess that's contagious and I know that whatever he's going to say to me, it's something that I'm probably not going to want to deal with. Licking my lips, I try to think of anything to get out of this confrontation.

 

“I have to go check up on Trunks.”

 

He's onto that one as soon as it exits my mouth. A dark smirk forms on his face and he takes a step closer to where I'm standing by the door, ready to escape at any second.

 

“Ha, is that all the better you can do? Your mother is watching him downstairs. And why is it that after neglecting him since you've been back, suddenly you have an ardent desire to know what he's up to? Don't make me laugh!”

 

Pushing back the guilty feelings over what he just said because I know there is truth behind his words, I let out some of the anger I've been bottling up inside come out.

 

“Don't even start with me Vegeta about neglecting our son. You have no room to talk about that. I've been doing the best I can and where have you been all this time? Training alone in the desert? Avoiding your…your family? Maybe things aren't that great right now but you have no right to tell me how to behave when you can't even follow the same rules you dictate towards me.”

 

With that said, I turn back around to make my exit, trying to escape from him and his suffocating presence. Pressing the button to the door, I make a silent prayer in my head that Vegeta won't get any ideas in his head to try and stop me through physical means. I'm almost through the door when I hear him call my name quietly, a soft whisper so inaudible that I almost missed it. Turning so that I'm half in our room and half in the hallway, I wait.

 

“What is happening to you?”

 

Blinking my eyes, I try to cover my surprise over such a question coming from Vegeta. It's as though I've been reading the tenseness between the two of us all wrong. That perhaps, he doesn't really hate me if he's wondering what private hell I'm going through. But the cynical part of me just wants to laugh over such an overly sentimental and ridiculous thought coming from a lonely, depressed and worthless female. Turning on him, I let my angry persona do the talking.

 

“What is happening to me? Can't you tell? Don't you know? I would think that you, out of everybody on this planet, you would be the one to understand after having lost so much in your life Vegeta. But that's the problem, isn't it? You ask me what's happening as though you actually care about me, yet you're avoiding this problem just as much as I am.”

 

He's still standing next to the bed, but the earlier edginess seems to have fled his system. Instead, he looks hunched over and defeated and I have no idea what to make of his sudden change in confidence and bravado. Slamming a rising sensation of worry over his own mental stability, I make another try at leaving the room that I used to share with him. Slipping through the door, I walk quickly through the hallway and then down the stairs towards my lab, my heart racing and my head pounding.

 

Opening the door to the lab, I slip inside and lock it, relieved that he hasn't followed me down here. Walking over to my desk, I settle down into my chair and grip the handles, trying to gain control over the assortment of thoughts racing through my brain. Logging on to my computer, I skim through some of the projects I had been working on prior to…I don't want to think about that day. Finding one that looks complicated, I open up a file and start working on it. For once in my life, I'm grateful for all of the work Capsule Corporation provides me with. I know it's a terrible thing, to push my actual feelings and thoughts out of my head by focusing on something that doesn't bring me pain or makes me feel guilty, but again, I realize that I can't deal with the shit in my life. I don't want to think about Vegeta, about Trunks, and certainly about the child that is dead. And if working down in the bowels of Capsule is the only thing that will take me away from the immediate problems in front of me, so be it. I know eventually, I'll have to do something about this problem, but at this moment in time, I just want relief. Relief…

 

Vegeta

 

It is late. I have no idea why such a random thought crosses my conscious awareness, but there it is. Perhaps it has something to do with guilt. I'm so sick of that wretched feeling but it has become my intimate acquaintance ever since the death of Kakarrot. No, I stand corrected. Before then, when my first son was born to me. In the past, however, it was easy for me to relegate such an emotional tendency to another place altogether. What did I truly have to feel guilty about? Leaving Bulma to train in space? Being a worthless Prince with nothing but an outdated title and my enormous sense of pride?

 

Stretching my arm out in front of me, I send a blast of ki careening across the arid expanse of desert in front of me, not caring where it hits. Sighing, I collapse onto the ground and rest my chin on top of the palm of my hand.

 

It has been difficult for me since my mate came back. When her mother had told me the loss of the child would be hard on Bulma, I had no concept of what that would entail. True, my mate has become quieter towards me within the last year and she has also started to hide things from me that she would not have done in the past. But to see such change in her overall personality, I had not realized how that would affect our son or…or even myself. I can see daily how she suffers and she is correct; I do know what it is like to lose something important, something precious. But that does not mean I know how to effectively cope with such a loss. It wasn't until coming to this planet that I finally started to understand the gravity of allowing oneself to experience the depth and breadth of truly feeling. I am slowly learning these things, and I do not like them at all. In my mind, I know that is why the loss of Kakarrot has been so difficult for me as well as the growing realization I have over my responsibility towards my family. Although I have come to think of myself as a monstrosity, a killing machine, I also know that I am not the same self-professed sociopath I was when I came to Earth. Those who have become familiar with me are also aware of this change. In some ways, I wish that I was still that way. It was easier dealing with life when I wasn't burdened with…with guilt.

 

Grabbing a nearby rock with my free hand, I toss it into the air and then throw it in the same direction as the random ki blast I had just shot off. Again, the lateness of the hour beckons towards me, telling me that even if I do not wish to go back to the place where I live, I should because I know that Bulma worries when I don't come back. But that worry hasn't stopped me from avoiding that place since she has been back. It is not so much that I truly wish to be gone but the fact that seeing Bulma so lifeless and apathetic towards those who I know she deeply cares about bothers me more then I thought was possible. I've been a wretched mess ever since Kakarrot threw his life needlessly away, but watching her sink into a despair that I myself am intimately acquainted with…it leaves me with such a deep sense of disturbance that I cannot watch her transform into a husk of what she once was. Yet, I do not know how to bring her out of it. I can't even fix my own mental problems, so how the hell am I supposed to fix hers?

 

Crossing my legs underneath me, the stars twinkle above me, almost in a mockery of the darkness that lies sleeping beneath them. Is this what life is supposed to be like? I think back to when I first met Kakarrot and then later on, Bulma. Both of them had such fucking happy and optimistic attitudes about life, it made me angry. The cynic within thought they were so full of ridiculous hopes for the future, I wanted both of them to know that life is not a bed of roses. That life is nothing more then a succubus, taking and taking without giving anything back in return. How I wanted them to feel the sort of indignity and pain I had endured for years underneath Freeza, to show them how foolish they both were with their idiotic notions. Yet somehow, I could never let go of those thoughts, that perhaps one can experience joy along with the pain. And now that Bulma is finally finding out how miserable life can be, I wish I had never thought of such a vengeful punishment. She does not deserve to know that kind of suffering. No one does. That is what I have found for myself. But how can I make her back into the woman she was before she became pregnant for a second time? I don't have a clue.

 

Letting out a deep sigh, I can feel pressure building behind my eyes. I actually lowered myself today by going back to try and speak with her, try and reason her out of the darkness that she is allowing to take over her life. All I ended up doing was making her angry and fearful of me. I knew it was a mistake the minute I stepped into our room, watching her cry alone like she does every night when she thinks no one is there watching her. But I watch her, in atonement for abandoning her, though to see her like that, I'm beginning to hate it. I hate feeling so utterly helpless and so completely worthless because I cannot give her what she needs, as I found out once again when I tried to do something to make her snap out of her self-inflicted misery. But what can I do?

 

“Well, you could start by facing your uncertainties head on like the man that you say you are.”

 

Tilting my head backwards, my eyes fall on the being levitating directly behind and above me. He's been my shadow for the last few weeks, but this has been the first time that he's dared to open his mouth in front of me. Twisting my mouth in a grimace, I snarl at him.

 

“Oh? What do you know about that Namek? Do you make it a habit to follow people around and then filter through their minds when you don't think they realize what you're doing? Fuck off and leave me alone!”

 

Turning back around, I stare at my feet and try to concentrate on other things besides the heavy presence of the Namek-jin. Swallowing slowly, I'm tempted to blast him for his insolence and then make a run for it. But I know that he'll just follow me to wherever I take off to. He's become something of my own personal plague and for some reason, although his presence irritates me, having someone to witness my solitude has a calming affect. He has obviously realized this as well or else he wouldn't have braved the stupid stunt he just pulled on me.

 

Losing myself to my own thoughts, I realize that he has either decided to ignore my edict or he's just stupid and brave enough to try my patience when I hear the gravel crunch behind me. Ignoring him, I hear him grunt slightly as he settles down on the ground next to where I'm sitting. I can feel the minutes tick by slowly, yet he makes no effort either to leave me be or to address me in some fashion. I don't like being played as an idiot and his presence is starting to have the unwanted effect of pissing me off. Deciding that ignoring him isn't going to work, I try a different approach.

 

“Namek, if you don't want to die a gruesome and painful death, I suggest you take yourself and go back to that shit hole you call a Lookout.”

 

“Shut it Vegeta. You're all talk and no action. You wouldn't hurt me and you know it, so caught up in your own world of injustice and unfairness as it is.”

 

Now he's really pissing me off. Who the hell does he think he is, making judgments about me? Standing up, I start powering up a ki blast just to prove how foolish his arrogant boast is when he catches me by surprise by delivering an elbow to my midsection. Grunting in pain and surprise, I find myself kneeling in the dust before him and it reminds me of the many times I found myself in a similar situation in front of Freeza. Feeling humiliated and shamed, I bury my forehead into the dust and try to ignore the uncomfortable feelings such thoughts are bringing back to me. God fucking Namek! His one action has completely unmanned me in front of him and he doesn't even realize it. My gut hurts and I can feel the stinging sensation of saline behind my closed eyelids. Why can't he just leave me alone? Does he despise me so much that he would wish to see me in such a humiliating posture?

 

“Vegeta.”

 

Groaning, I try to ignore his voice. Pushing myself upright, I turn my face away from his so he can't see how much his action has disturbed me. Standing up, I quickly walk away from him, at least as fast as I can with my gut paining me. He landed a good punch to my midsection and since I wasn't ready for it, my ki guard was down. He probably ruptured something. I'm not one who normally runs from a good fight, and the Namek's actions are certainly asking for one. But with Kakarrot's death and my mate's problems, not to mention my own torment, the idea of fighting him doesn't seem appealing. It's easier just to run away like the fucking coward that I am. However, he seems to have other ideas in his green, pointy eared head.

 

He's in front of me, standing with his arms crossed like some sort of sentinel or portent of bad news. Snarling at him like some sort of rabid dog, I lunge and then teleport behind him when he goes for the bait. But, like a bad dream, I suddenly realize how the stress in my life has made my battle sense skewed when he's behind me, grabbing me around the chest and holding me so that I can't move my upper body. Kicking my legs, I try to aim a good kick to his privates, forgetting that Namek-jin's aren't blessed with such an exploitable weakness until I hear him laugh in my ear.

 

“Nice try Vegeta. Too bad it won't work.”

 

“Fuck you Namek! Let me go, unless you really want to find the true meaning of pain!”

 

It's all I can do not to power up to Super Saiya-jin. I don't want to use that exalted form to fight such a lowly specimen such as the Namek-jin, but I've forgotten how strong he is with that old decrepit Namek residing within his body. Feeling desperate, I decide to play dirty. Aiming for his arm, I bite him as hard as I can, tasting the saltiness as his purple blood flows into my mouth. I can hear him grunt in pain, but he doesn't let me go.

 

“God Vegeta, you're acting like an animal.”

 

“Just let me the fuck go!” I howl out at him in anger as my rage starts to blind me. I haven't felt this sort of anger is such a long time; it's hard to know how to react. I don't know if this was his intent by provoking me, but the Saiya-jin within my heart suddenly bursts to the surface. Grabbing a hold of his arm, I use all of my strength and rip it from him. I can hear him roar in pain at the loss of his limb and taking the opening provided for me, I push myself off his body, flip through the air and then crouch on the ground in a defensive posture, tossing his arm off to the side.

 

“Happy now Vegeta? Are you starting to feel like your old self again? I can't stand watching how pathetic you've become the last few years. Do you think Goku would want to have anything to do with you in your current state? You aren't even a challenge.”

 

“I don't give a damn about Kakarrot. Who the hell do you think you are, telling me that I'm pathetic, that I'm worthless? You have no god-damned right!”

 

Wiping his blood from my mouth, I step back and wait for his move. However, it isn't one that I expect. He moves a few meters back and then grunts as a new arm shoots out of the stump left from the one I ripped off. He lets out a sigh and then beckons for me to sit down. Well, I don't like being treated like a child and he's still making the anger inside of me hum. Spitting towards him, I turn my back and am about to walk away when his voice shoots through the silence.

 

“Sit down Vegeta. I'm not letting you leave until you and I have a little chat. If you try and leave, I'll stop you by force if necessary. I don't think Bulma would like you to come home all bruised and beat up.”

 

I want to laugh. Would she even notice if I came back like that? The truth is, even in her current state, she would and I know that it certainly wouldn't help with things. But having him threaten me and act like my superior, it's…it's infuriating. Scoffing at him, I flip him off and then blast into the sky, only to be stopped once again by the Namek floating in front of me.

 

“I told you, I'm not letting you leave until you sit down and listen to what I have to say. Then you can go your own merry way and do whatever it is that you do.”

 

“And I told you to fuck the hell off! What do you not understand about that, Namek? Leave…me…alone!”

 

Shoving him rudely out of the way, I don't get very far when I feel his knee in the same place he had hit me with his elbow. Gasping for air, I know what he's going to do and I try to block it, but it's too late. He's behind me before I know it, hammering his fists into my back, causing me to plunge face first to the ground below me. Putting up a ki shield at the last minute, the damage is minimal, but it's still there. Lying on the ground, I can feel blood trickling down my face and body from the numerous lacerations the impact with the hard earth caused. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, my blurry eyes zoom in to a pair of brown shoed feet directly in front of me.

 

“Are you enjoying this Namek? Are enjoying seeing me in such a state of humiliation?” I ask, swallowing back a sudden urge to let out a pent up sob of frustration and anger. I feel like I'm broken in front of him and he's enjoying the show of seeing the mighty Vegeta groveling at his feet…just like Freeza. His answer is surprising, though.

 

“No Vegeta, I'm not. But sometimes, you don't listen to reason. It was not my intention to fight with you, but it amazes me that one who is crying out for help is too thick to realize that it's there, even when it's punching him in the face.”

 

With that said, he haunches down in the dirt, his hand extended towards me. I have a choice. I can either swallow what's left of my pride and humbly accept his hand, or I can spit in his face and find myself back in the same position I'm currently occupying. Neither choice sits well with me, but I have a feeling that when it all comes down to it, the Namek isn't going to give me a choice. Licking my lips and burying my humiliation, I do something I have seldom if ever done in my life: I accept his hand, though it burns the proud Prince deep within my soul to do so.

 

He pulls me up so that I can sit, but my ribs and back are aching from where he punched me. Leaning back on one of my arms, I let out a wheezing breath and am surprised when he pulls something out of one of the pockets of his ugly purple gi.

 

“Take it Vegeta. I had a feeling that you'd end up like this and I was serious when I said that I didn't think Bulma would appreciate you coming back looking like a truck ran over you.”

 

Grunting in acknowledgement, I hastily grab the proffered senzu bean and push it into my mouth. Ignoring the bitter taste and hard texture, I chew it quickly and swallow it, feeling my broken bones and lacerations heal as soon as the medicinal properties of the bean absorb into my blood stream. Letting out a sigh of relief, I sit up straight and look forward into the darkening desert surrounding the two of us.

 

“What is it that you want to tell me Namek?”

 

He sits down next to me, his arms folded across his chest while the ridiculous white cape he favors wearing flaps lightly in the night breeze. I wait for him to answer, but when five or so minutes pass, I can feel my temper starting to rise. Part of me says that he's playing some sort of twisted game with me and I do not have the time or patience to play at foolish antics with a walking vegetable. Growling under my breath, I'm about to rise when his arm shoots out and grabs me, pushing me back into a sitting position.

 

“Calm yourself Vegeta. We have all night.”

 

“Well excuse me if the idea of spending a night out here in the desert with you is rather revolting. I have better things that I can be doing with my time.”

 

“I've seen what you do with your time Vegeta and believe me when I tell you this, you don't have better things to be doing.”

 

There he is again, making judgments about me. Doesn't he realize that I don't want to be here? That I'm only sitting here because he has forced my hand? Crossing my arms in irritation, I level him a nasty look before looking straight ahead again.

 

“Stop being so centered on yourself.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. I said, stop being such a selfish bastard. You have responsibilities now and you can't shirk them just because you don't want to deal with them.”

 

Growling, it's taking all of my self-control not to lash out and level a punch to his smooth talking mouth. Again I catch myself thinking, what the hell does he know about me and my situation?

 

“I know more then you think Vegeta.”

 

“What, because you have nothing better to do then creep after me while I train and listen to my stray thoughts? Or is it that other Namek brat? He's so bored up on the Lookout that he has to listen in on the misery of other people?”

 

I can tell he's irritated with me and my assumptions because he looks towards me and flashes his fangs in a nasty grimace.

 

“Just listen to yourself Vegeta. You sound like an ass.”

 

“Well, I've been told that I am one, so you calling me that doesn't hurt my feelings in the least.”

 

He rolls his eyes at my sarcastic comment before clearing his throat to continue on in whatever vein he was speaking in before.

 

“Look Vegeta, it wasn't my intention to spy on your thoughts. And whether you actually believe this or not, Dende has more important things to be doing with his time then figuring out every little soap opera that happens to be going on in the lives of human beings and Saiya-jins.”

 

“Then why have you been following me? Why did you confront me tonight to force me to listen to whatever shitty speech you have planned? There has to be a reason Namek.”

 

He grunts in acknowledgment. Relaxing where I am sitting, I wait for him to continue though I would rather not be sitting here at the moment. Listening to the prattle of a self-righteous Namek-jin does not top my list of enjoyable pastimes, especially one as insufferable as Piccolo.

 

“Because if you continue on like this, you're going to cause damage not only to yourself, but the people you love as well.”

 

That was not what I was expecting, especially not from him. Leveling a look at him, I spit out the first thing that comes to my mind.

 

“What makes you think that I love anybody on this shit hole? What makes you think that I would lower myself to such a point as admitting to that ridiculous, over indulged fantasy of an emotional state? Listen to yourself! You sound like…” I was about to say Bulma, but deciding against bringing her into the conversation, I shut my mouth and wait for his answer.

 

“Hmm, if you don't think you can love, then I truly feel sorry for you Vegeta. I used to be like you, full of hate and anger. And then, somehow I ended up taking on the responsibility of training a four year old half Saiya-jin brat, the son of my sworn mortal enemy. Somehow, the idea of training him to use as an exploitable weapon changed and I found myself caring about the boy to the point where I could admit that he meant something to me. It changed my life from being one centered on myself and my own selfish pursuits to one centered on something worthwhile to look after. And after seeing you out here, trying to figure out someway to reconnect with that insufferable human you've taken as a mate, I know you're only deluding yourself when you say that you don't love anybody here.”

 

Grimacing, I can feel shame starting to rise inside my gullet. He is…he is correct in his assumption. Slumping my shoulders slightly, I ask him something.

 

“How can I…what can…how can I help her? She doesn't want me.”

 

“Stop running away from your fears of inadequacy and start acting like the man you say you are. Instead of letting your own misery control your life, take action and stop relying on Bulma to help you. She's the one that needs the help.”

 

“Don't you think I know that Namek? Don't you think I've tried? She's…she's terrified of me and she does not trust me.”

 

“Look Vegeta, I don't have all the answers. I'm doing this because even though we have our differences and we both do not particularly like one another, there are others who are concerned about you and about Bulma.”

 

I know at that moment he means Gohan, and I wonder how much the son of my sworn enemy knows about the happenings around the place where I live. How much he knows of Bulma's misery and that of my own. And also the confusion and unhappiness of my own son.

 

“Just…just start showing an interest in your child. Show Bulma that even though you still have your pride, you have a vested interest in your family. And maybe, start acting like the responsible party for once instead of selfishly relying on everyone else to make decisions and take care of things. I don't know if that is the answer, but I have a feeling if you finally give yourself something to do that has meaning, maybe you'll get over whatever has come over you since the death of Goku. And maybe, you'll help that harpy of yours recover from her loss.”

 

Nodding my head in agreement, I watch as he stands up and brushes off his pants. Without saying so much as a good-bye, he powers up and then blasts off back towards the Lookout, leaving me alone once again.

 

Scrubbing my hands through my hair, I think about the things he has just said to me. All of them war against the pride within my heart but they do make sense. If I want Bulma to recover, then I too must get over my own personal demons. And to do so, I have to have some sort of purpose besides morning the loss of my rival and the loss of my prior life. I have neglected my son for too long and I'm coming to realize that his fear of me bothers me. I have no idea how I'm going to pull any of this off, but if I want my mate to stop suffering as I have suffered my entire life, then…then I will swallow my pride and finally take responsibility for the purpose I have here on Earth: that of my family.

 

Vegeta has come to a crossroads. But will it be enough to reach out to his son and to Bulma? Will it help him to recover from the horror of his past life and also heal the wounds Bulma is dealing with after the death of their child? Find out in the next chapter! And please read and review!