Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Downward Spiral ❯ Chapter Eight ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/N: Sorry for the delay in update but I've been focusing on some original works recently - thanks to King Kakarot as his review inspired me to pick the story back up, the rest of the chapters should be up in a few hours but if your impatient check out www.fanfiction.net/~robinmask and you'll find my fanfictions there all up to date.

Chapter Eight

“Gohan!”

Kami! He'd never been so happy to see a hospital in his whole life! He couldn't stop the soft laugh from falling from his lips as he stumbled through the door; he could spend eternity in here and not even care, not now anyway.

The transformation in the room was remarkable, and it wasn't just his relief that made the room seem warmer than before, everywhere he looked he could see piles of chocolates, mazes of flowers and a mass of light flooding through the many open windows, there was even a pile of study guides that were brought no doubt by Chi-Chi.

The only thing that seemed out of place was lying in the centre of it all, Gohan, he looked so lifeless and still on the white sheets; he was so pale, so weak! It wasn't right, he was awake and yet he looked so death-like! Where was the justice? Why couldn't he wake up healthy and okay? Why? Gohan was a good kid; he didn't deserve any of this. Racing through the doorframe Goku nearly tripped over his own feet, scrambling to get to Gohan's side as his heart melted, cold tears cooling his shivering skin, rolling like raindrops over the window . . . His whole body felt so relaxed, so ecstatic, Gohan was okay, he was going to be fine.

Only fifteen or so minutes ago he was dying from his agony, with his heart ripped from his chest and stomped on the ground, only a while ago all he felt was complete sorrow, all he wanted was for Vegeta to tell him what was wrong, to love him, and now -? And now he was crying with complete relief, happiness and obsessing over the one before him. Everything was changing so fast . . .

“Hi son! Glad you're awake! We've been so worried!”

Gohan's weak face turned to face Goku's who had already collapsed to his knees, running his hands through Gohan's hair like he was a child again, he just wanted to comfort him, make sure he was okay. He gave a faint smile and looked around the room casually, the only other people in here were Chi-Chi and Piccolo, and his mentor looked almost as distraught as Goku and Chi-Chi. Where was everyone else though?

“Dad, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you guys to be so upset, I didn't think -!”

“Hush, quiet Gohan.” He was crying rivers now; he could feel the tears racing past one another in competition. Kami what would Gohan think of him? He was supposed to be making him feel better not guilty. “You have nothing to be sorry about Gohan. It's going to be okay.”

Gohan shook his head silently looking around the room. He seemed almost puzzled. “Where is everyone? Where's Goten? I want to see little bro. Where is he?”

Goku shuddered. “We haven't told Goten all the facts yet, he knows your sick and in hospital but that's about it, no one wanted to upset him by bringing him here. He sends you all his love though, and Trunks said to send you a punch for worrying everyone so much.” He gave a quick laugh and a wink to show Trunks was being sincere. “Their both at Capsule Corps, with Mrs Brief's and Dr. Brief's right now, you can see them as soon as you're up to it.”

“So what about everyone else? Where's Bulma, Krillon, Videl -!”

Goku shrugged. He only just got here and he had no idea, he was as clueless as Gohan. Why weren't they here? Didn't they want to be? It was Chi-Chi who answered him; kneeling down beside Gohan opposite Goku she held his right hand and gave a sweet smile.

“Sweetie, the doctors said only immediate family were allowed in, you're supposed to be resting after all. Videl says to tell you she loves you and she'd not going to leave here until you're better, she's hasn't left the waiting room since you came in, only of course to sit with you, she's really sweet that girl. Bulma and the rest are all in the waiting room too, they're the ones who gave you all these flowers and presents.”

Goku gave a bright smile. “See, they all care about you, and when you get out soon you can see them all again!”

The light in Gohan's face drained, replaced quickly with a pale white ghost like complexion. Goku had never seen Gohan frown before, not properly, but now - now he was frowning and looked almost scared and annoyed; he rolled onto his side facing Chi-Chi, his back to Goku.

Goku reached a hand out onto his shoulder, what was wrong? What did he say?

Kami he wished he knew what he was feeling right now. If he only knew maybe he'd know what he did wrong, why Gohan did this to himself. Was it something he did? Something he said? He didn't know how he'd cope if this was his fault, but maybe he'd soon find out, after all Chi-Chi always blamed him, maybe this time she was right . . .

He heard a sharp cough from Chi; turning his head to face her she seemed almost sincere. “He's just a bit upset, Goku.”

“Isn't that obvious? He wouldn't be lying here otherwise.” He hissed the words with such anger that she scowled in return; folding her arms she gave him a stern look.

“That isn't what I meant. He's upset because he has to stay in here for a few days for observational purposes and then he needs to have an emergency session with the psychiatrist to see if he's fit to leave.”

Letting out a low sigh he watched Gohan carefully, his breathing seemed sort of shaky, like he was crying. Goku still didn't understand. “I don't get it. Why is that making him upset for?”

“He thinks that they'll think he's unfit and keep him sectioned here for weeks or months. He doesn't want to stay here longer than he has to, and besides, even if they let him go he's going to need a lot of appointments with the psychologist.”

“Oh.”

He moved back onto the chair and watched as Piccolo moved down to Gohan's eye-level trying to comfort him, Chi-Chi moved silently around the bed to Goku's side. He shuddered with fear as she knelt down beside him, her arm found its way onto his. Was she trying to reassure him? Her eyes were focused on the floor as if one look at him might cause her to cry. She whispered gently to him so Gohan and Piccolo couldn't hear.

“Where were you and what took you so long to get here?”

“It only took me fifteen minutes after you guys called me to get here, I was only gone a few hours Chi, no longer than that.”

Rolling her eyes she held back her tears courageously. “Gohan needed you, where were you?”

“I was at Capsule Corps with `Geta and Bulma, I had to talk to him about - about something . . .”

“Yeah, I can guess what that something would be.”

Goku remained silent. Why was she acting so annoyed and irritated when Gohan was lying in that state? This wasn't the right time, Gohan was more important than any of their silly arguments or disagreements, he had to come first damn it! Kami, this wasn't right! Why couldn't she accept the fact he didn't love her and why couldn't she just let him live his own life? Why wasn't she concentrating on Gohan? As he let his mind wander to Vegeta, he felt like such a hypocrite, Chi-Chi should concentrate on their son but it was okay for him to focus on `Geta? Still - what was Vegeta doing right now? Was he okay?

“Look, I haven't done anything wrong so don't give me a guilt trip, it's not going to do me nor Gohan any good.”

“What would you know about doing Gohan any good?” She hissed.

Ah, here was the Chi-Chi he knew. Showing her true colours at last. He was seconds away from answering back, finally finding his courage to stand up for himself (and the fact Piccolo was there by his side helped him feel brave) but a loud sound echoed wildly throughout the room. Goku jumped as the door rapped with a sudden knocking, even Chi jumped with shock.

Bulma opened the door with a nervous smile; she looked around quickly with glazed eyes and a worried expression, as her eyes feel on Goku she sagged with relief. “Hi guys, how you feeling Gohan?”

“Like I've been hit by a train.”

“That's normal, you're be back on your feet in no time though and then we can talk about this properly. You can talk to me whenever and wherever, I'm always here for you Gohan.”

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she looked at him with tears forming in her eyes, she just wanted so badly to help him and calm him, if he told her how he was feeling she might have been able to stop him, make him feel better. Maybe he wouldn't have done this? Maybe -? Why had he done this though? Was it the abuse he witnessed? The pressure on him? Why? She turned to Goku, brushing a hand through her hair as tears fell.

“Goku, can I speak to you outside a moment? It's important.”

“Err, sure.” Goku turned to Gohan and ruffled his hair. “I'll be back soon as I can, okay son?”

The only answer he got was the empty silence; his heart broke as cold fear spread through him. Was Gohan still feeling suicidal? Did he still want to -? No. No, he couldn't feel like that! Kami he hoped not, but then that would explain the silent answer . . . He moved slowly to the door, taking one last glance at Gohan through watery eyes. Why did he do this? Why?

As he stepped outside into the corridor he was almost blinded by the light, shielding his eyes he dared a glance to Bulma, she looked so pale, so deathly, her eyes were darting around all over the place. She closed the door firmly shut behind them. What was wrong?

“Err, Goku?” Her voice was shaking as she continued to look around, almost as if she was avoiding looking directly at Goku. “Sorry about disturbing you, I know you're busy and all, just - well - . . . Have you seen Vegeta?”

“No, last time I saw him was when - when I kissed him. I told you all about it in the Capsule car on the way here . . . Why? Is something wrong?”

“He came to the hospital looking for you, I told him to wait with us in the waiting room and we started talking, you know? He was telling me what happened between you guys but he sounded really low and upset, guilty even, then he just stormed out and I haven't been able to find him since - can you sense his ki? I'm worried that he might be -.”

“Don't say it. Please, just don't say it. Gohan's already in a bad state I don't want to imagine Vegeta in one.” Bulma watched Goku, his hand was violently shaking as he tried to move it over his face, he looked like he could cry any second. “Vegeta, he - he can't be like that, he can't be.”

“I wasn't suggesting he was suicidal, I just thought he might -.”

“Try and hurt himself?”

Looking away softly she closed her eyes trying to focus on something else, with all their other problems and now this it was all getting to be too much, she could feel her heart ripping in two. “Can you sense him?”

Goku paused and let his mind search, damn it Vegeta wasn't - he wouldn't. Would he? Holding in all his fear he focused as strongly as possible. There - there was `Geta's ki but where - where was he? Aha! He jumped backwards slightly and smiled. “Found him! He's in the hospital gardens; quite healthy I'd say by the way he's pacing backwards and forwards. Speaking of which, did he tell you why he -?”

“Freaked out? No - I asked him, but he just grunted and ignored the question. Typical Vegeta response when it comes to emotions.”

“Do you know why he - you know?”

“I'm sorry Goku, I really don't know. It's strange though I mean it's like -. Never mind.”

“What? What is it?”

“Well the first time me and Vegeta, you know, he kind of freaked out at first, then when he came back he pretended like he never and well - say hello to Trunks.”

“What made him panic then?”

“No idea.”

Goku sighed, scratching his neck. “Okay - can you stay with Gohan for a while, call me if anything happens, my phone's on and I'll pick up straight away. Just make sure Gohan's okay. I'm going to get Vegeta and bring him back up here, it's better if he's with friends and family and we need to talk anyway - maybe I can find out what happened? Tell Gohan I'll be up in about ten minutes, no later! And - and tell him I love him.”

“No problem, just make sure Vegeta's fine.”

“I will.”

He watched as Bulma left, going into Gohan's room; as soon as she'd closed the door he found himself collapsing onto the cold wall, closing his eyes to block the tears from racing. Kami - it was so hard to even try to act calm, let alone actually be calm, inside he felt like his heart was being eaten alive and his mind collapsing upon him. What was going on?

He sighed and brushed a hand through his thick mane of hair.

“Vegeta. I love you.”

Kami! This was too much!

Over and over again the events kept playing in his head, the repetition was agonising, why did he have to keep reliving it all! The past and present were both colliding into one and damn it, it wasn't fair! The past was bad enough but to flashback to it when -.

Why did Kakarott do that? Why? If it weren't for that kiss he wouldn't be remembering -. The past would have stayed in the past where it belonged . . . It wasn't fair, he enjoyed the kiss, he loved Kakarott, and if it wasn't for those memories, those torturous flashbacks he could be happy right now instead of in agony. What did Goku think of him? Man, he probably thought he was some freak!

He collapsed onto the bench, his eyes blurred with water. It wasn't as though he hated what happened, he actually really enjoyed it, he could have carried on forever or took it further, but then that's where the problem came, wasn't it? As soon as it got to that point it became so similar to the past, when he was a chibi, that his entire mind could focus on was what had happened and not what was happening - the memory just came into his head and then he couldn't get rid of it! It scared him too much to carry on, all the what-ifs playing on and on. He wanted Kakarott but at the same time he didn't - he couldn't.

How could he explain it to Goku though without sounding crazy? Just thinking about those memories was enough to make him cut his flesh into shreds; he could still feel the blood falling right now, so how could he cope explaining it and reliving it to another person? He sighed. Goku wasn't just another person though, was he? He felt his heart choking him as the painful emotions came rose once more. He opened his eyes and watched his hand it shook violently.

As Goku strode into the garden slowly he felt faint. Goku looked so beautiful to the eye; the same beautiful being that Vegeta loved but always denied he did, and although he always had a good reason for not acting on his love he could never explain that to him. Never. But now he'd have to, wouldn't he?

Goku looked so frightened, upset - damn it! Why was he here? It was either to break away from his pain over Gohan or - or to talk to him . . . As soon as Goku came closer he held in his emotions, his face an expressionless mask and tears now gone.

Goku sat beside him, turning to face him full on he pulled up his leg into a casual pose.

“Gohan is starting to look like his old self.”

Vegeta raised an eyebrow. That was a bit too casual, like nothing had happened at all between them. Kami! Had Vegeta blew his chances with him, had Goku decided it was better just to be friends? Damn it! He needed the blade. He needed the cut. “You came here to talk to me about Gohan?”

“No - not really.”

Then why was he here for? “You should be with him . . . He needs you.”

“Yeah I know, I'm going up there in a few minutes, but I had to come and see you first. Bulma's really worried; I thought if you sat upstairs with the others you might feel better, I know she would anyway, and so would I - I need you Vegeta and I need to know you're okay.”

“That's why you're here?”

“No.” He gave a deep sigh and began to fidget. “`Geta, I love you! I - you - well, when you pulled away I was confused, I mean when you kissed me back I thought you felt the same way and then you - and then you pulled away . . . Now you're hiding from everyone and - I'm worried. Something upset you and I don't know what and I couldn't cope if it was me that upset you.”

Vegeta looked away quickly, the pain in his expression was obvious. “You didn't upset me.”

Goku turned quickly, his hand moved to Vegeta's face turning his head to face his own, he looked at him deeply despite his closed eyes. “`Geta I need to know, do you - do you love me?”

“Yes.”

Goku watched him carefully. Then why was he crying? He looked like his heart was breaking, like he was in agony. Why was he upset with the fact he was in love? Love was the most powerful emotion Goku knew about, and it made him happy to know he loved Vegeta, so why was Vegeta upset? Didn't he want to love Goku? Did he hate Goku?

“Then why -?”

“Why did I leave you? Why did break the kiss? Why am I now hiding? It's complicated Kakarott - very much so.”

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right? You can trust me. I love you, I really do.”

“I know. Understand though that it isn't something that is easy to explain, it happened a long time ago, when I was still a child and - and what we did, it reminded me of it all . . .”

Vegeta looked at Goku and seeing his shock felt the tears fall down again. Damn! He was showing so much weakness! He was supposed to be the strong prince, supposed to be powerful, why did he let himself be weak in front of Goku for? Maybe he did trust him fully? No - not maybe, he did. So why couldn't he explain it all to Goku?

“It isn't you, you need to understand that - in fact I also became upset the first time I was with Bulma. I love you Kakarott, I still can't believe I'm saying it, especially as I haven't said it to anyone since - . . . I love you.”

“Vegeta . . .”

“You need to see Gohan, he's lying there and the state he's in . . . I promise I'll tell you everything afterwards, there really isn't enough time right now and this isn't the right place.”

“I'm still staying with Bulma and you right?”

“Right.”

“This sounds really, really important and I want to understand properly. Can you tell me tonight? We'll have as long as we need to then and it'll be private too.”

Vegeta shivered. “Okay - tonight.”