Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Downward Spiral ❯ Chapter Nine ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A loud groan, verging on a scream, escaped Vegeta's lips as he collapsed on the soft, oak bed. It was Kami damn awful! All his anger and pain was boiling inside him, consuming him, it was overwhelming and it was breaking his mind in two . . . Damn these memories! He let out another low scream as the flashbacks continued. Why couldn't he just forget? Why couldn't he just ignore it? Over and over they kept playing, torturing him . . .

Brushing a hand through his hair he sighed. He needed to move, to pace, to walk, he just had to clear his head, do something to distract himself; but thanks to all of Goku's crap he could barely even move an inch. All around his room were mountains and mazes of boxes; how much stuff did one man need? Worse of it was he could have sworn he heard someone mention there was more in Chi's attic. He was starting to feel all too claustrophobic, in didn't matter that the room was large as a football field, just to be trapped amidst Goku's belongings and his own, to feel that the walls of the room and his heart were closing in on him - it was too much!

The dark red walls seemed to plunge in on him, the black furniture only reminded him of death - he'd always felt so relaxed in here, and now - . . . now all he felt was fear and hate. He jumped slightly as the doors opposite him rapped loudly. Turning to the clock beside his bed he rolled his eyes, only one person would be stupid enough to disturb him at gone midnight -.

“Come in, Goku.”

The doors swung open as Goku strode in with a bright smile, his hair was a messy mane and his eyes red with either tears or tiredness, yet through it he still seemed so handsome and innocent. He watched as the taller Saiyan tried to navigate around the boxes and jump from his skin as the doors slammed shut of its own accord.

“How'd you know it was me?”

“Call it a hunch.”

Tripping over a large box of photos Goku made his way to the bed, he sat on the edge and swung his legs up, leaning against one the posts. It was a pretty cool bed really, four-poster with intricate carvings on it. Goku shivered as his eyes trailed to the body lying on it, Vegeta looked really down in the dumps, he seemed so pale and lifeless, he was half-dressed as if he was preparing to go to sleep yet he looked wide awake. His chest was bare, and sitting on the muscles were the many cuts and scars, Goku didn't know whether to be upset that there were so many or pleased tat Vegeta trusted him enough to let them be on show around him. Vegeta said it was okay to come and talk to him right?

“How's the brat, Kakarott?”

Goku gave a weak smile and turned to face Vegeta fully, the Saiyan Prince was staring at the ceiling with unresponsive eyes. “He's doing okay. He's still not talking to anyone much, all he said really was that he wanted everyone to leave him alone and not to worry, the only people he wants with him are Piccolo and Videl. He looks much healthier though.”

“I'm sure he'll be okay, Goku.”

“Yeah . . .” He paused, the quiet was almost deafening, there was so much he wanted and needed to say but none of it would come out. He looked at Vegeta, he just needed to make sure the Prince was okay, he was so worried about him - moving up slightly he lay down by his side, turning so his eyes remained on his face fully focused. “You don't mind if I lie beside you, do you `Geta?”

“Of course not.”

“Cool. Say, Vegeta? I was wondering - well you - it's . . . I just-.”

Vegeta's head turned as he locked eyes with Goku. “You want to know what happened between us the other day, you want to know why I freaked out.”

“Err - yeah.”

“I told you. It's complicated.”

“And I told you that you can trust me and we can talk as long as you need to.”

“Kakarott,” Pulling himself up he moved to the head of the bed, leaning against the headrest, looking at Goku gently he shook his head. Goku really looked truly innocent, but how could he not understand how painful this was? Feeling his heart wrench he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “You really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Very well.” Opening his eyes he shook his head. “Well don't just lie there, move over here so I can see you properly.”

Doing as he was told Goku sat by Vegeta's side. He almost cried when he looked at Vegeta's face though, he looked so pale and heart-broken, his face a mask of pain, his eyes were dull and lifeless, focusing on the black sheet beneath him and his hands were shaking. Whatever was the problem it had to be a serious one, Goku had never seen him this upset before.

He moved his hand slowly up Vegeta's arm, making him shudder, and then rested it on his chest, he could feel the Prince's heart beat faster. Smiling Goku moved closer to him.

“It's hard Goku.”

He growled as Goku stifled a giggle, “Damn it! If you won't be mature I won't tell you! It's not fucking funny!”

“Sorry Vegeta, I wasn't laughing at you - it's just when I get nervous, I laugh. I guess right now I'm just really nervous.” He scratched his neck and let lose a slight laugh.

“Well why are you so bloody nervous for? You know what, never mind.” Vegeta shivered and continued from before. “It's hard to talk about because I've never told anyone before, no one. Zarbon and Raditz knew, but that is another complicated matter that will just distract us from the story at hand . . .”

“Wait. Knew about what? What do they have to do with your problems anyway?” Holding Vegeta's hand tightly, he looked deeply into his eyes with great concern.

“I guess I should start from the beginning. As I told you, the reason why I panicked and became upset was because it brought back memories and issues from the past, I became upset when I was with Bulma too so it isn't your fault that I acted how I did. It was just that I couldn't escape the memories. I tried - I really wanted to be with you, but -.”

Goku felt his heart twist in pain. What had happened to this Prince to make him so scared of contact? To make him the way he was? His hold on his hand grew tighter, making Vegeta smile from the reassurance. He wanted to help `Geta so much, but how?

“It happened when I was a chibi. I won't go into my entire childhood, I could mention one mere day in the palace and it would be enough to traumatize the strongest warrior. Planet Vegeta was not moral or just even for the Elite or Royal classes; their wrongs were merely better hidden. The memories I suffer that make me the warrior you have witnessed before are shared by nearly all our race.”

“So how come -?”

“Let me finish. The thoughts that plague me stem from my time in Freeza's command and on his ship, not from the palace. It is on his ship that - that it began.”

“So what happened there is what made you scared to get close to people?” Vegeta nodded. Scooting closer Goku let his head rest upon his shoulder and closed his eyes, it made his heart weep to think the being next to him had suffered so much - he didn't know what but he knew that it was painful, and that was enough. “So what happened?”

“Freeza put me through what he called `special training', he believed that all beings were his toys and he was master of all beings, I refused to bow to him and he decided that I had to learn my place, he decided that I needed to become stronger, harder and most importantly more obedient - I needed to fall to him and learn that I was no longer the Prince.”

“What did he do? I swear if that bastard hurt you, `Geta -!”

“Calm yourself, Kakarott. What's done is done and besides you cannot harm the dead, you may like to play hero but this is one matter that you can't.” Goku scowled deeply, shifting his position as the image of Freeza came into his mind - he never hated that being as much as he did right now. “You really want to know what he did?” Goku nodded. “Very well. As you know his technology was advanced, he began by using devices used to suppress ki on me, in order that I receive beatings to learn my place - when he discovered that I could tale the pain and I still was wildly independent he took it further.”

Before Goku could open his mouth he felt the cool touch of Vegeta's hand over it. “I know what you are going to ask, so just let me answer.”

Goku freed himself from Vegeta's hand and rolled his eyes. “Then what was I going to ask?”

“How did Freeza take it further?”

Goku froze and looked away nervously, moving his hand back onto the back of his neck, it was like Vegeta could read his thoughts. Vegeta sighed with the pain from his thoughts and turned to Goku, who was now looking more surprised than angry with old enemies.

“This is hard for me to say - you're the first and only person I've ever told. Freeza - he - he decided I needed to learn who was in charge, that he was my master, he realised that physical and metal abuse didn't work, so he tried a different method . . . He raped me.”

“What!”

“It would have been something I may have recovered from, but it soon became a near daily event and sometimes he would try - try different things or situations, sometimes he let the guards have their fun as well . . . When he realised it worked and that I soon didn't dare to answer him back, when the fear and depression were eating at me and I tried to end my life on numerous occasions, he decided to forget all other modes of punishment. Whenever I did something wrong, he'd do the thing that worked, he'd abuse me sexually.” Vegeta pushed both hands thought his hair, holding his head back he began to choke on silent tears. Why was he telling Goku this? Why was he forcing himself to relive it?

“It's why I freaked out, with you and with Bulma. He's the only person and they were the only times I -. I guess I just came to associate being close to people with pain, you know after I was with Bulma, I am ashamed to admit, that I was severely depressed for some time, I was ashamed that I enjoyed it and ashamed I did it. It broke my heart; all I could relive was what my master did to me. I trust you, Goku, I really do, and I wanted to do it, really, but in those seconds the memory came back and I -.”

“You don't need to explain, I understand.” Goku felt his tears rushing over his skin, warming his cold temperature to a volcanic heat. His heart had broken and he could barley gather his thoughts, Kami, what kind of monster would have done that to someone? What had Vegeta been through? To think the person he loved so much had - had so much pain in his heart. “Vegeta, I still love you and I'll never hurt you, never. You don't have to be scared of Freeza anymore, because even if he were alive to hurt you, I'd be here to protect you. If you're still scared about being intimate then trust me, we can go as fast or as slow as you want. I love you.”

“Thank you, Goku . . .”

Looking into Goku's eyes Vegeta felt his heart melt. Goku looked really worried, truly concerned, he was crying as much as Vegeta had been doing, he was shaking with sorrow as much as he was, and Goku really felt a connection with him, didn't he? He could trust Goku, right? If Goku loved him then he wouldn't hurt him . . . Maybe . . .

“Goku?”

“Yeah `Geta?”

“I trust you.”

Vegeta smiled, he moved close to Goku, enough so that he could feel his breath on his cheek. His tail waved out behind him in soft, sweeping movements. He was ready, wasn't he? After all, Goku was kind and loved him. He could be with him and not be hurt. He moved forward and traced his hand slowly up Goku's waist to his chest, letting his fingers stroke at the tight muscles gently. Goku had already grown tense; his breathing was fast and hurried, enough to encourage Vegeta to move on.

Leaning forward he pressed his lips against Goku's, he tasted so sweet, so warm, he couldn't help but let a moan escape his lips. Pressing his body against Goku's he could already feel Goku swelling. Opening his mouth wider Vegeta plunged his tongue in tasting and exploring the warm cavern awaiting him, feeling the muscle of Goku's mouth fighting its way into his.

Wrapping his arms around Vegeta's waist Goku lowered him onto the bed, lying over him. The Prince looked so appealing, so tempting, so beautiful. . . He bent close and let his tongue trail over Vegeta's collarbone and neck, making the prince shudder.

As Vegeta's hand stroked the bottom of Goku's back he groaned and pressed his body tightly into Vegeta's.

“'Geta? You want to continue? You want to do this? I mean you just said that you were -.”

“I trust you Goku. I love you. Please - continue.”

With a large smile Goku pressed his lips back onto Vegeta's, growing below with the promise of what was to come next . . .