Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fathoming Love ❯ Chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )

Fathoming Love

Chapter 8

Coveted Freedom

 

 

“So you called him my protector,” Vegeta mused softly, cradling his chin on his knuckles thoughtfully. “and so you were partially correct. When he could and when he felt obligated, Zarbon was there. Like you human's “guarding angel”, Zarbon became my strong hold. And I'll admit right now, I took advantage of that on as many occasions as I could, threatening boldly every soul that crossed my path when I felt him near. Boasting of my “uncanny” abilities to the strongest of soldiers, bragging and insulting if I knew Zarbon was within hearing. And he knew it! We would share knowing smiles and he would wink with recognition. It was a special bond.”

 

“So he loved you.” I insisted, for some odd reason needing to acknowledge that this handsome creature before me had at some point in his life felt such a thing.

 

“By all means.” He said almost crossly. “But I never knew it at the time. I think I was mostly concerned with my own admiration of him. More concerned with his acceptance of me than anything. For remember Tazial, I'd never experienced love. Hell, if I knew what it was at that point, I'm almost certain it was a crazed and perverse perception of it. I strived only for his approval, not for his emotional bond. But I received that unconditionally, part of the package I guess you could say.

 

“But like I acknowledge before, I didn't know it at the time. Maybe because he never admitted to “needing” me. Or “caring” for me. He spent time with me, LAVISHED upon me anything my heart desired, which should have been proof enough, but for him to say it openly or truly display his heart's emotion, it was unthinkable for him.

 

“But as I've heard your kind say, you don't know what you've got till' its gone. It was no different for Zarbon and there came the fateful day on my seventh year, when he was tested to the boundaries of his emotional strings. You see, when there was a victory on the ship, an important one that meant the conquering of an entire piece of the galaxy, it was an open invitation party. Frieza was away and word had been sent that he had cleared away any competition in that section of the universe, and while part of that “party” was as you humans would imagine it, the other part was beyond comparison to what you'd expect.

 

“Violence broke out from one end of the ship to another, brawls and matches shaking the floors and windows. Death and destruction were accompanied by chaos. Drinking matches led to insanity and insanity escalated to sexual arousal. Bad.

 

“I remember glancing into the eyes of every single boy that roomed with me in my quarters and seeing the reflection of my own fear staring back. At every single explosion, gasps would shock the air. At every single pair of footsteps that padded the floor outside our room, breaths would be held. It was horrifying. My heart was thudding and with my keen hearing, I recall that the other boy's were too. I looked over at Roman, my closest of companions, excluding Zarbon and I remember whispering “oh God” right before the metal door was smashed open.

 

“Screams tore through the throats of the eleven other boys, their feet smacking the tiled ground as they attempted escape in all different directions. Seeing that all attempts were fruitless, my nature took over and like that, I was blasting left and right at these gargantuous men. If it moved, I shot it, and come to think of it, I probably caused the deaths of several of the boys, though I cant lead myself to regret it even partially.”

 

I glared at this statement before realizing that there could quite possibly be justice to this statement.

 

“Believe me Camden,” He said as if reading my thoughts. “They were better off that way.

 

“Realizing I was quickly being surrounded,” He continued. “I went against my pride and blasted my way through to the bathroom, sensing only inches away from the door that I was being followed by Roman, close at my heels and shooting his way behind me. A knowing glance passed between us, both understanding that fighting was as suicidal as reasoning would have been, before we dashed into the bathroom and hid ourselves in the air conditioning vent.”

 

“It was big enough?” I asked.

 

“Hardly!” He responded. “We were mashed into one boy it seemed, our arms and legs entangled painfully as we held shut the horizontal screen, staring in horror at the scene before us.

 

“I wished then that I had taken the time to shut the door behind me, Roman thinking the same as we watched in minute terror as each of the other ten were raped and slaughtered. Blood even reached the vent in puddles, the head of one of the boys splashing us as it was carelessly sliced off the body and hurled through the air. The wretched eyes stared up at us almost accusingly as the head bobbed back and forth, and I would have removed it myself if it hadn't been at that very moment that one of the other boys dashed into the room, trying to hide in the large bath tub before being tugged out by two drunken soldiers.

 

“They smiled sadistically as they pinned his hands to the side of the tub, forcing him to kneel as they tore the clothes from his body, leaving him naked and shivering before kissing his neck and shoulders. I wanted to vomit, hearing him scream even when I shut myself away in my mind, closing my eyes as soon as I saw them taking turns on him. But the image is still imbedded in my mind,” he said, tapping his temple. “Right here, as if burned there eternally against my will.”

 

“What was it?” I asked, unable to help myself, despising that part of my human nature that longs for despicable knowledge. But he seemed to understand, shrugging and continuing.

 

“I remember that his powerful young fingers finally made imprints on the broken, porcelain tub, the grinding of his teeth soon becoming like the sound of grinding glass as his jaw broke from the pressure. They spread his legs apart and came from behind him, one keeping his hands on the smooth surface of the tub and the other holding his writhing body steady as they battered his insides. Blood began running down the backs of his thighs and being able to stand no more, I had to look away, the sour vomit gushing into my mouth, though I held it in there for probably an hour, unable to release the wretched filth from my cheeks until they'd left.

 

“Roman was shivering uncontrollably next to me, his arms locked around me like a vice, and I, returning the gesture as I hadn't since embracing Zarbon for that first time. He was whimpering and crying softly, and knowing nothing else to do, I just remained completely silent, even as I opened my eyes and saw them leave the battered boy on the floor, still alive and bleeding to death. He was dragging himself across the floor for no apparent reason, his finger tips bloody and full of shattered porcelain. I glanced behind him, seeing that the soldiers were still busy, ravaging the bodies of the other boys, raping them until they were of no use and then killing them.”

 

“Why did they kill them?” I asked, barely able to speak.

 

“They were beautiful boys.” He answered, his face calm, the expression I'd begun to realize was his front when being attacked by the dreaded “emotion”. “They were invaluable to Frieza, his special creatures. To leave them alive would be suicide for them. No witnesses means no criminals to convict. But even in death their bodies were victims, the warmth still there for the monsters to delve into. Necrophilia no more of a sin than rape, and the white, bloated bodies were assaulted even as the soul was no longer within it. The cold, dead eyes stared at nothing as the groans and heavy breathing thickened the air.

 

“And when the soldiers were finished, soberness hardly calming them until the very late hours of morning, they threw the stacks of boys into one big pile, some still dreadfully alive, being covered by dead bodies and amputated arms and legs, before being lit on fire and left entirely. The room was abandoned to the smell of burning flesh and gut wrenching silence, the only noise at all coming from the one other boy that had been forgotten, still inching his way aimlessly around the floor of the bathroom, naked and sobbing.

 

“I couldn't console him. I had to be quiet lest there be one straggling soldier that could end me in my attempt. But more than the fear of being spotted, I hated the very thought of touching him. His very presence made me want to vomit yet again, the sight of his blood and torn flesh making the approach of death all that more apparent. No, I killed all the time. Death was no stranger to me. But the fact that I had known this being, shared thoughts and a room with him, was too much to bare and I held my place, freezing beside Roman in the air conditioning vent.

 

“I didn't realize that I'd fallen asleep until my lids flew open and the sight of feet near the vent made me nearly cry out in astonishment. I held my hand over Roman's mouth before nudging him awake also, breathing a sigh of relief when he remained completely silent. And to my horror I saw that the God forsaken child victim was still alive and at the feet of the soldier in the room. My stomach was in my throat and my heart thudding against my rib cage as the guard bent to his knees, and glowing strands of braided green hair flooded my eyes sight. I wanted to bawl right then in there in my relief, in my grief, in my astonishment and overwhelming gratitude.

 

“But something held me fast, and apparently kept Roman at bay as well, as I saw tears in those familiar golden eyes I'd admired so often. They glistened on the rims and fell down the cheeks in rivers it seemed, drop after drop until they were a thick stream. They puddled on his chin and dropped onto the boy's face, Zarbon trying to wipe them away as his lips formed a sob and he cradled the naked child to his chest, burrowing his face into the blood soaked hair. He gasped as he cried, a sound that made my heart clench as though a knife were twisting within it. I'd never seen him this way, any real emotion at all.

 

“The boy simply held onto him, broken and crying as they gripped one another on the blood drenched ground, rocking back and forth.

 

“And….. And in my feverish, flurry of dreams,” Zarbon whispered, reciting his poem he'd spoken to me so long ago it seemed. “I vanquish my endless enemies.”

 

“He broke down, just crying against the boy's throat, trying to stop as he looked upwards, the tears pouring down his beautiful face.

 

“My swords, my spears, along my side, taking them one by one as I stride.” He continued loudly, the boy shaking in his arms. “My Angel, always follow behind. Whisper promises into my mind. My cherub, my angel, the sweet boy, you. My sorrow, my courage, my Valique.”

 

“And then he recited a part I'd never heard before at that time, a part that resembles a human prayer almost exactly, though how that came to be, I shall never know.

 

“And if I die before I wake,” Zarbon whispered painfully, forming glistening energy in his palm. “I pray you Valique, my soul to take.”

 

“And with that, he shot the boy through the temple, the dead body collapsing against his chest. He let it drop with a thud, staring blankly ahead of him in a trance. Blood soaked his knees, staining his armor and clothing and for once he didn't care at all. He just stared.

 

“Unable to stand it any longer, I burst through the vent, startling Roman and Zarbon, as I threw myself into his arms. It was the boldest, strangest, weakest thing I'd ever done and I couldn't stop myself even if I'd tried with all my strength. I buried my face into his hair, protesting angrily as he pulled me back, holding me at arms length as if in fear. His face alone could have spoken a thousand emotions, and yet he only gasped, fresh tears bursting onto his eyelids. He wasn't crying for that boy……….”

 

“He was crying for you.” I finished for Vegeta, holding my hand to my mouth. He nodded, smiling slightly, his eyebrows tilted upwards.

 

` “I thought I'd lost you.” Zarbon breathed, holding me tightly to him as he stood, whirling around in circles. Roman watched in silence, maybe even jealousy, as Zarbon covered my face in kisses, thanking some Aqualian God for my life, even speaking in a foreign language, over and over again.

 

“After that night, Roman was sent to a nearby boys quarter and I was to stay thereafter in Zarbon's room. Each of the soldiers that taken part in the monstrosities that had occurred that night, met a mysteriously gruesome end.

 

“At night I would sleep in his bed, holding onto his neck as he held me curled against his chest, kissing the top of my head even in his sleep. Sometimes I would hear him whisper my name thoughtfully in a dream, or sigh the word `Valique' in the deepest of sleep. More privately and certainly more rare, I would awaken to the smell of his salty tears and the soft gasping he did when he cried. I never asked at the time why he did it. It wasn't respectful. But I knew that eventually I might understand what secrets he held that made the strongest, stoniest person I knew break down at night when he thought no one was listening.”

 

“So…. Why did he cry?” I asked, hating myself for being so dreadfully uncouth.

 

“I never asked.” Vegeta shrugged, apparently not appalled by my question. “At the time, I didn't really want to know. There was a small amount of concern on my part. Zarbon wasn't the type to cry. No one I knew at the time was. But there was a well known shame in the act of crying, and for me to address this display would have been a sin on my part. It would be like shaming him. And for all my gratitude and all my unknown love for him, I could not bring myself to ask him.

 

“It took three years to gain the courage, and even then it was an irrational mistake on my part.”

 

“Tell me about it.” I said eagerly. “I want to know.”

 

“So sure you are?” He asked boldly.

 

I didn't understand. I do now.

 

“It was on planet Bartalain. A beautiful, lush planet. Full of purples and blues, the like I'd never seen before. I can remember Zarbon lifting his sharp, pointy nose in the air, a calm like aura coming from him as I'd never felt. But along with that strange peace came a sadness from him I cannot describe to you. The idea of auras and phenomena of that sort may seem like pieces of a fairytale to you, as this entire story may seem even now. But after being with Zarbon as closely as I always had been, I could sense this pain radiating from him as no other creature could.

 

“It was a search and destroy mission, as missions some times were. The plant life of this planet was simply too fragile, took too many years to restore itself, and bids were already coming in at the highest of prices. The living beings on this world had to be taken care of or enslaved for the new species that would inhabit it. And so like monsters from a fairytale, we took to the grounds, searching for all those who breathed of their own accord and snuffing them out of existence like ants and flies. Men, women, children. Didn't matter. If it moved, it would die.

 

“Being old enough at this point, I was allowed to venture out on my own, like a tiger stalking its prey, taught by Zarbon himself to enjoy the “hunt” as it were, and practice my skills at killing until I found my favorite technique. Tazial, I know this seems barbaric to you but bare with me.”

 

I hadn't realized I'd been making a sickened face.

 

“Through forests of light green, purples, pinks and blues I went forth on my adventure, mutilating animal life in every possible way I could, learning my strengths and weaknesses and improving both. It was then that I came to a pleasant cottage of sorts, in the middle of no where. I had expected it sooner or later, and being curious as a child of 10 would be, I sauntered straight up to the window, chancing a glance inside, unknown to the inhabitance.

 

“It was against my better judgment to go so close. But as they say on this strange planet, curiosity killed the cat. I saw them there within, a jolly little family, the kind I'd never had, nor really desired. And beautiful they were, each of them. Fat little hands, chubby stomachs, if you could call them that. But beautiful in color. It was as if their glowing violet eyes were glossed over with the finest lacquer, so smooth and polished. They had no pupils, or lips for that matter. All they were were two glistening eyes, tiny noses, and slits for a mouth. But somehow, I found them beautiful.

 

“Perhaps it was their interaction with one another that catered to my strange attraction to them. They touched each other constantly, almost seeming as if they separated for longer than five minutes, it was an audacity to their family. Two children, a mother and a father. The picture perfect that I never knew about.

 

“I watched them and I watched them. Time was of no consolation and soon the two suns that lit the brilliant sky were stretched far away into the horizon. A kind of darkness filled the void that had once been light, and the stars that seem so far away on earth covered the sky with all different shapes and colors you could never see here. And still I watched them, the mother tucking the two blobs that were her children safely into bed, side by side as they slept in peace, touching each other like they were so intent to do hours before. Touching the same way that me and Zarbon did in our sleep. Peaceful. Calm. Happy perhaps. Understood.

 

“And then it was shattered, a shot flying into the air, straight passed my head and soaring directly into the mother's. Her eyes opened wide before the glorious, immaculate gloss faded with death and she collapsed in her “husbands” arms, bleeding soft, gold blood. Gold the color of Zarbon's eyes, who now stood directly behind me, glaring as if I'd just slapped him directly across the face.

 

`“Vegeta!” he scolded loudly, as I noticed the occupants of the house beginning to mourn and sob in their confusion, the children out of their beds and covering their mother's corpse with their valueless touches.

 

`“Does the word time limit mean NOTHING to you?” He spat, his finely sculpted eyebrows furrowed. “Finish it!”

 

“But I couldn't Tazial. I tell you it was a shit poor day for my non existent conscience to make itself known once more, but it did as it does for each warrior eventually. My hand shook as I aimed it at the youngest boy, forming a ball of energy I knew I'd never release in his direction.

 

`“Do it Vegeta!” He yelled, his hot breath on my ear. “Do it!”

 

“But instead I threw the energy blast away as I let it go, hearing it ricochet around the room, startling the family witless as they ran out of the house, still trying to hold one another. Zarbon roared in annoyance, blasting the two children in the back, their father grabbing at their hands as he tried to pull their dead bodies behind into the safety of the woods.

 

`“Have you gone insane?!” He screamed. His temples were pumping with blood, his golden eyes baring into me furiously. “Leaving survivors and day dreaming on the job! You could get us all killed!”

 

“He threw me towards the last remaining family member, the heartbroken father with the twinkling eyes, full of some sort of tear as he begged his children to get up, get up. But they wouldn't, would they? They were gone.

 

`“Kill him Vegeta and then come with me.” Zarbon ordered, figuring all was good and well and turning towards the direction of this ship. But again, I couldn't. I knew this being, as I had known the Godforsaken rape victim three years before. I'd watched him. Watched his love bestowed upon his family, envied it in fact as I longed for my father as I hadn't done in years. I couldn't take his life.

 

“ `I said kill him Vegeta!” Screamed Zarbon, knocking me forward with a vicious push.

 

“ `NO!” I screamed, tearing away from him. “You kill him! YOU Zarbon! You with no heart to speak of!”

 

“He was taken back, glaring at me in confusion and disappointment.

 

“ `What did you say?” he spat.

 

“ `You do it.” I repeated. “Show me how you do it Zarbon. Every day. Every day with no remorse. NOTHING!”

 

“I can still hear my childish voice crying out against everything I myself believed in, speaking words I didn't even agree with and yet feeling as though in everything was justified.

 

`”Show me how its done.” I repeated angrily. “Show me how to turn off any feeling, any care and kill everything. Even the beauty you so treasure with all your soul, the only true pleasure you take is to destroy it. You who claim that beauty is in everything, would KILL everything that possess it if only Frieza asked it of you.”

 

“I calmed myself, lowering my eyes at him.

 

`”Tell me how to do it. How to hate the very things you're supposed to love. How to love nothing! How to live your life empty! How to live when you are DEAD INSIDE!”

 

“He slapped me. He'd never laid a painful hand upon me up until this day. I looked up at him in shock, in hurt, in guilt. But still I could not move myself to regret what I'd said.

 

`”How DARE you say such things to me!” he hissed, his veins bulging as they did before he would transform. “If it weren't for me, you'd be dead right now. Nothing more than a spoiled little brat corpse.”

 

“Than do it!” I challenged, raising my arms to the side. “Take this life from me! You who cares for nothing! Appreciate beauty you say? Then you take it! Take me! It will come to that eventually! I see where your loyalty lies.”

 

“His face fell. His eyes dulled and his anger dissipated.

 

“You punished me.” I nearly sobbed. “You strike me in the face for crimes you commit each night, weeping like a child. Tell me why Zarbon!”

 

“He stammered backwards, his feet trampling down the lush grass beneath.

 

`”Tell me, he who cares for nothing! Tell me why you cry at night.” I hollered. “Tell me how you can kill life and still mourn for the loss of it.”

 

“Suddenly he had me by the face, his fingers digging into my cheeks as I fell backwards, his hard body falling over me, his smooth, creamy green skin only inches from my face.

 

“'You want to know brat Prince?” He gasped. I was horrified to see tears in his eyes. “You really want to know why I kill them so swiftly. Where I get the strength to do it without flinching? Because I ENVY THEM!”

 

“I wanted to die right then and there, looking into his face as his tears fell onto my own. I had caused this. I, who he cared for, who held so tightly onto him at night, who owed my life to him, I had caused this beauty to break down the seams, to cry. I hated that feeling.

 

“I envy that they can die.” He bawled out, in gasping sobs. “That they can be with those lost along the way. Everything I've ever loved has died Vegeta! Everything I've ever believed in eventually crumbles, and falls, and leaves. And I, I who cherished it more than anything else am left to mourn its passing, while I wait for my own. Everything will die some day.”

 

“'Not me.” I insisted bravely.

 

`”Ahh but yes, even you brat Prince.” He whispered, the background filled with the sobs of a grief stricken father. “You will grow, and you will leave or you will die. And I will remain. I'll be here to miss you. To remember you. To love the memories of you that only I possess. But you'll be free and I'll be lonely, empty, dead as I am now. It is my curse, never to join the family I once had and never to open up to another for fear it will be taken away as well.”

 

“He stood, still gazing down upon me.

 

“'That is why I can kill them Vegeta. Because they are free and because I will never be.”

 

“With that he sent a final shot, blowing a hole through the chest of the father, hearing the last scream that thickened the air.

 

 

 

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