Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fathoming Love ❯ Chapter 27 ( Chapter 27 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

“Sometimes, I think we look at the world too small. I don’t know how to describe it really. But it’s the case, nonetheless. We see our problems as enormous impediments, when really, they’re just stepping stones along the way of progress. We analyze and fuss over petty predicaments, trivial nonsense a travesty in the mind of a narrow thinker.

“What I’m saying in such a posh way, is that we care too much about menial things. We take life too seriously and in the process, find ourselves not truly living it. This is what Bulma taught me.

“To the outside world, she was a shallow socialite. She wore the perfect gowns, drove the most noticeable vehicles, always sported the newest and the greatest, the grandest, most expensive everything. But to me, she was just Bulma. She seldom felt the need to wear makeup, as I insisted time and time again that she basically looked the same to me regardless. She didn’t even necessarily wear the nicest clothes when I was around. In fact, on our little trips together, I was lucky if she was wearing matching socks!

“But I realized that I appreciated this person more then any idol for magazines. I didn’t need the façade or the perfection. In fact, I didn’t want that. I liked the flaws, if they can be called that. I liked the strange way her hair seemed to fly this way and that, some pieces wavy, others straight when she didn’t fix it. I liked the way the bare flesh of her face would turn ruddy when the cold wind hit it as we climbed up the side of mountains or great hills in Green Land.

“It was the mundane details that I adored. The fact that I was lucky to see them and the rest of the world remained oblivious to her. They saw the timeless, classic cover of a brochure; I saw the wild, untamed youth in her that never left until the day she died in my arms.”

I was shocked in my silence, trying not to provoke him with my expressive face betraying the emotion. He’d never directly approached the matter of his wife’s death and I was stunned now that he spoke so nonchalant about the topic. I was tempted to write something down in my bare notebook before realizing the insult it would cause him. Instead, I merely glanced quickly at the tape rolling in the recorder, glad that it was working properly.

He didn’t seem to notice and continued with his story.

“Bulma made me live. In so many ways, she was my life support. She saved me when I didn’t even realize I needed it. And she refused to let me drift through life. I’d never even realized that this world could be so big or be so beautiful until she insisted that together we explore it. Still shocks me that no one put two and two together: that we were both missing at the same times: that we would share knowing looks at parties after we’d just had a spout.

“She showed me the beauty and rarity of everything: Taught me the names of all the animals, showed me the beauty of the sea for the first time. Other planets don’t have oceans quite like this one. I think the first time I actually saw her cry was when I compared the Mexican Oceans with her eyes, as we stood along the shore after a long day’s trip, staring off into the endless distance.
“I’d closed my eyes, feeling the warm breeze carry tiny mists of ocean water with it. I loved the smells out here and the feeling as if the world never ended. I gazed across the calm waters, watching the small waves flow in and out. I looked what seemed like forever, trying to fix my eyes upon the very point where the sky touched the earth so many miles away.

“ “Isn’t it amazing?” she’d whispered, dipping her feet into the clear water.

“ “It reminds me of you,” I shrugged, too taken with the sight to focus on keeping up my bad boy routine. “Endless. Deep. Impenetrable.”

“I sighed, uncrossing my arms and sitting down. I hadn’t by this point even noticed that she was staring at me.

“ “Like the color of your eyes,” I yawned, leaning back on my elbows in the sand. “Clear blue. Mysterious and betraying nothing. Except when angry. Then I guess both are very apparent.”

“I had stood up, ignoring her and walking over to stand on a large rock overlooking a deeper part of the ocean.

“ “But when you look really deep into them,” I said, comparing her eyes once more. “you see wonders you never realized could be there. Things that seem almost unnatural in their beauty. Things that make you want to look longer and harder. Phenomenal creations that even God Himself must wonder at.”

“I think I stopped myself before I continued, realizing how pathetically poetic I was getting. Usually, I said about two sentences in one statement and left it at that. Beauty makes me insightful, stupefied and forgetful. But when I looked up, I was awakened to how powerful my words had been, water lining the rims of Bulma’s eyes.

“ “I think that’s the most incredible thing anyone has ever said to me.” She breathed. I didn’t know what to reply, actually considering a ‘sorry’ before it dawned on me just how stupid that would be. Words weren’t needed though, as she came to me and burrowed her face into my chest, hugging me to her.

“Again, I was shocked at the impact of my words, cursing how flowery I had sounded yet not quite so disappointed with the effects. I hadn’t been hugged like this in a while, though Bulma took many opportunities to show me affection. I think maybe she knew how rarely I’d been shown it, or more secretly, how much people really need it.

“It was the first time in a few months that I felt the overpowering urge to kiss her. Maybe it was the power of the sunset, glistening over the water and casting pinks and oranges across the sky. Maybe it was the simple perfection of the moment, as we stood the only two people on miles of gorgeous beach. Or maybe, it was because I cared about her in a way I had seldom cared for anyone.

“She stared into my eyes and I forgot to regret the things I said earlier. As a matter of irony, I suddenly had loads more to say but those words were silenced and all but blown away by the breeze as she stood on her toes and kissed me. It was awkward and it was an insult to every picture perfect movie scene kiss but it fit us perfectly.

“Both so proud and sure, both so unable to express emotion any other way but physical. I kept my arms to my sides, refusing to wrap them around her and give away the inclinations I had towards her. If she wanted to kiss me, fine: so be it. But I’d be damned before I gave her any more reason to think that I cared about her.

“Emotions were bullshit and giving two fucks about someone was signing their death warrant or yours. Because nothing worked out in the end and eventually, even the best things, the most sure things crumble to dust around your ankles. Why set yourself up for disappointment when loving nothing meant missing nothing?

“So I pulled away, pushing her shoulder gently backwards and turning towards the sunset. She might have apologized, she might not have. I don’t recall as I was trying furiously to sort out these emotions and come to grips with reality.

“The reality that life sucks. That you live it, you suffer it and finally, you die as a result of it. That everything eventually sucks if it doesn’t already suck at the moment.

“And while I was trying to fight this logic, it came creeping up on me every time I sought to forget it. Reminding me, taunting me with memories of those I’d taken the chance on and now paid the price for.

“Zarbon: my love, my companion, my best friend, father and brother. The savior of my childhood, the only consort I had. Now a cruel memory of how he had spent his last days and finally, his last moments with me. I couldn’t remember his life as prominent as his death was to my memories. I wanted so much to recall the good times and yet, the bad times stole them from me.

“Faraque: the woman who had taught me SO much about caring, accepting and even loving someone without losing yourself in the process. I had genuinely believed we would spend eternity driving each other crazy and with one vicious jerk of his wrist, my dreams had been torn and hung by a ceiling fan.

“And now, as I refused to look at her, I knew that Bulma would receive such a fate as these were I to continue this relationship. Friendship/relationship: it had to go. Caring for her meant hurting her. And loving her, would eventually mean killing her. So I knew I had to set her free to save her life.

“These epiphanies drowned me for days afterwards, as we would silently drive through forested lands then desert lands, the scenery changing but staying bleak all the same. I wanted the thoughts gone as much as I knew their worth. Why couldn’t I just be free of them for a moment? Why couldn’t I just let it go, if only for just one minute, just one kiss? I found myself almost pouting about the idea, gazing out the window and seeing the sun just lower itself behind the far away mountains.

“Suddenly she slammed on the brakes, dust flying up against the windshield and pouring in through my open window. I gasped, coughing up a fit of sand and gravel, glaring as she stomped out of the car, came to my door, wrenched it open and damn near tore me right out.

“ “Ok Vegeta,” she spat, nervously tucking her wild hair behind her ears. “You’ve been mad at me since the other day. And- and ok, I know why and I’m sorry! Ok? I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have…..” she shook her head. “I shouldn’t have ASSUMED I could do that or that I had any right or… well, whatever but-..”“I rolled my eyes, glancing around before I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into a tight hug, lifting her off her feet. She gasped, hesitantly hugging me back before burying her face in my neck.

“ “Ohhh…” I growled softly. “Just… shut up you.”

“She laughed, seeming to sigh against me with relief.

“ “You didn’t do anything wrong, alright?” I smelled her hair. “It’s me alright… I’m……”
“I trailed off, not knowing exactly what I meant.

“ “A psychopath?” she smiled up at me, mischief gleaming in her eyes.

“ “Yeah.” I shrugged, smirking down at her. “Something like that.”

“We shared a knowing look, silent acknowledging the truce between us. I cared for her, I did-but I also knew to save her I had to keep her at a distance. I shrugged to myself, staring at her. ‘Well,’ I thought. ‘Just a little distance.’

“ “-need to be getting us out of here,” she was saying, trying to examine her map on the hood of the car, though we were almost entirely out of sunlight. “Now if we go THAT way, we could be in-…”

“She let out a cry as I swept her into my arms, soaring at break-neck speed right into the darkening sky.

“ “I know a faster way.” I grinned.

“ “Vegeta,” she was stuttering. “Vegeta no… no! Gah! I hate you!”

“She buried her face against my chest, refusing to open her eyes as we flew through the warm air. I shook her gently, smiling down when she only peeped out of one eye at me.

“ “Geez woman!” I laughed tauntingly. “I’ve never known you to be a coward. Open your eyes for God’s sake!”

“ “Uh uh!” She spat, shaking her head and crossing her arms.

“ “Oh lord,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “Just do it.”“ “No!” she snapped. “And you can’t make me either! You barbaric, son of …”

“She was still lining up a nice stream of curses when I let her go, moving my arms out to the side as she plummeted towards the ground, miles beneath us. She just fell! Her arms were still crossed as well as her legs, shaking her head and smiling.

“ “You’re not fooling me, Vegeta.” She was smirking. “I’m NOT going to open my eyes.”

“I flew right beside her, snorting my laughter that she didn’t even seem to realize she was dropping like a rock off a cliff.

“ “Any time now,” She grinned. “Any time.”

“Apparently, ‘any time’ didn’t come as quickly as she’d planned on and her eyes shot open, her legs scrambling beneath her as she LITERALLY flapped her arms and tried to fly. If I had been laughing any harder, I might not have been able to grab her up in time! She curled up against me, swatting my chest and screaming obscenities while holding on with a vice-like grip. Surprisingly though, her eyes remained open and she stared into my face, reading my expression.

“ “You’d never let me fall, would you.” She didn’t ask it. She announced it.

“I think I realized in that moment how much trust she had put in me. She knew I had dropped her but more importantly, she knew I would catch her. It was merely a moment of weakness that caused her to doubt at the last minute. If I was a poet, I would have realized the metaphor in this experience, but rather then dwell on that, I turned my back to the ground, letting her rest on me at a horizontal angle.

“ “Look up,” I told her. She refused, shaking her head and holding onto me tighter.

“ “Come on,” I urged. Still no reaction. An idea occurred to me, my hand lifting her head to face me.

“ “Bulma,” I said gently. “Do you trust me?”

“She looked uncertain for a second, weighing her options before turning over, her back laying against my chest as we looked up at the stars. She held her breath the entire time she did it, laying with her head on my shoulder before breathing out a very soft “yes, I trust you”.

“We flew backwards, staring up at the sky and watching the stars twinkle brighter and brighter the darker it got. I don’t remember really what I was thinking or if I was thinking anything in particular at all. I guess I was just feeling at that point. Feeling her against me, feeling the wind tugging its way through my hair. Life became sensations for a few minutes and all the doubt and bullshit was swept behind us, forgotten in our time together.

“It was almost sexual -dare I say it- in that we breathed at the same time, our hearts seeming to thud at one pace while we did this thing so close together. She raised her arms out to the sides (as I held her tightly around the middle) seeming to open her arms for the sky; like at any moment she could wrap her arms around it, embrace it.

“ “I’ve never done this before,” she laughed, her eyes closed not in fear but in the joy of a new, refreshing experience.

“ “That boy of yours never takes you?” I asked, for once not feeling the sting of their relationship. I don’t know why I didn’t but I imagine that in a moment like this one, those petty attachments were more or less irrelevant to both of us.

“ “Yamcha?” She snorted. “God no.”

“The moment of silence surprised me, as I had expected her to elaborate as to why. But that wasn’t always Bulma and for as much as she always had something to say, important, personal things she could keep to herself if she felt necessary.

“ “But here I am,” She was laughing. “Here WE are! Back stroking beneath the stars.” She paused. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this free.”

“And for the first time, I let it dawn on me, that so was I. Maybe, in the end, that’s what poisoned my resolve. Maybe at this point, I’d let the idea of “freedom” melt away my better judgment, caring too much, feeling too much. It was the first time that I belonged to no one and it was the first time I’d actually REALIZED it. Maybe in the end, it was my desperate dash towards freedom that made me a slave to her. And I know that at the time, I didn’t give a damn.”