Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fathoming Love ❯ Chapter 36 ( Chapter 36 )

“So I told her I didn't love her.”

 

He ground the bile down in his throat.

 

“I became myself, my beautiful monster once more. I numbed it all and in that, I found serenity. I found peace in feeling nothing. I felt peace in feeling nothing.

 

“I told her everything I knew that would break apart the already broken pieces of her heart and it felt oddly good. Because I knew it was just an inevitability and since it was, it might as well have been done right.

 

“ “It's just as well,” I'd shrugged. My shoulders hurt with the effort. “I didn't want a fucking kid anyways.”

 

“A crash, an imaginary crash of whatever it was she'd been expecting launching itself into the ground.

 

“ “I'm not a fucking boy scout,” I'd spat hatefully. “I'm not your knight in shinning armor, I'm not your husband, I'm not your boyfriend and I'm certainly not your fucking Yamcha. I don't love you, despite your endless attempts to convince yourself that I do.”

 

“I think I even smiled right about then, watching her features fall.

 

“ “Yeah,” I'd grinned. “I know you try, try, try, try little woman. See the beauty in the beast, see the man behind the monster. I get it. Women's pathetic charade to tame the unattainable. But I'm not your puppet, little human.”

 

“I'd leaned in close, trying not to shake, trying not to rip apart at the seams.

 

“ “Are you….” She'd tried so hard not to cry. “Are you being serious?”

 

“I'd had to back up, had to contain every urge to just grab her and hug her and apologize a hundred times. I had to fight myself not to pull her against me and let us fall onto dying grass, just let her cry and let myself mourn the loss of something we didn't know we could even make together.

 

“ “I… I don't love you.” I'd said it without realizing I could. “I will never love you. I COULD never love you. You're nothing and we're nothing. You're just a convenience, a way to pass the time on this fucking planet. And I'm tired of you. I'm tired of pretending to give a shit. I'm tired of pretending to be some pathetic little human.

 

“ “I'm going to leave and I'm going to forget about you. I suggest you just do the same.”

 

“And that was that. I'd left.

 

“I knew even as I fired up the engines to the ship that I was being an incredible coward. I knew even as I watched her face in the distance that what I'd done would not soon be forgiven or forgotten. I knew also that she faced horrible times, worse than she'd had before and that I was surrendering her to them alone.

 

“Where I once was a stronghold, I was now a bottomless void, a shadow of emptiness. I hated myself.

 

“But onward we must move and I'm bored with all my poetic speeches. The story of my coming into Super Saiyan status has never been truly told, that is to say, I've never told the whole story or even the correct one to anyone on this planet. It has been spoken of but only in immensely abbreviated versions. I'm going to tell you now how I truly became achieved the pinnacle of what I'd dreamed of my entire life.

 

“As I flew away from earth, I again returned to my original thinking, that is, pretty much the lack of thought in general. I numbed my mind to thoughts of her and my child, basking only in day dreams of who I should have become. I SHOULD have been the ruler of the universe by then. I SHOULD have beautiful women licking the bottoms of my boots clean. I SHOULD have been a Super Saiyan!

 

“Instead I was the pathetic puppet of a human woman, running away with my balls firmly tucked between my legs on a spaceship to nowhere. Great.

 

“In my rush to leave earth as quickly as possible, I'd forgotten some rather vital things; namely food. What little there was became devoured within the first few weeks, the planets I visited totally void of anything my body could sate itself with.

 

“When I did reach planets with even limited amounts of sustenance, I was more like a dumb animal than a Saiyan, ravaging the creatures of the planet and gnawing on their carcasses.

 

“When I finally could go no more, I'd conveniently found the one planet that was entirely empty of both plants and animal life. Nothing stirred and though there was air, it tasted dirty and reeked of death.

 

“I heaved my aching, starving body over cold stone, my fingers one by one cracking the unforgiving surface beneath. There was nothing there; not even the tiniest sign that life had ever existed in the place. It was nothing more than a planet of hard, pale gray rock where it seemed even the sun refused to shine.

 

“It was perfect.

 

“A perfect place to perish if only I'd have been man enough to accept defeat by an invisible enemy. I was going to die there yet I couldn't face the fact. The great Vegeta, lost and forgotten, no honor in his death to be had.

 

“Who really cared though? What honor did I have anyways?

 

“So there I laid, feeling perfectly sorry for my perfectly sorry existence. Life. Was. Peachy.”

 

He smiled, tossing his hands behind his head in a gesture I loved.

 

“Oh but what I sight I must have been for them!”

 

“For who?” I interjected.

 

“For the sorry saps that landed there, no doubt in the same predicament I was. Oh what a horrible, rickety ship! The bucket-of-bolts damn near crash landed right on top of me!

 

“And then immediately after that came the odd images of drooling, sloppy, smelly, little creatures gnawing away at the Great Vegeta, in the middle of nowhere, BEFORE they climbed back on their horrible, ugly, rickety ship. It was like saying `it can't get worse' and then hearing the sky crackle with thunder and lightening.

 

“Geez, I might have even smiled at the sick irony.

 

“So there they came, rather large, clumsy beasts, clambering out of their busted ship, looking at me as though I'd suddenly grown a penis out of my forehead. Though, even if I had, I still could have held a candle to this homely bunch.

 

“Red, clammy faces gazed at me with what must have been humor, one even looking around to see if I had any friends lurking about. I rolled my eyes, barking out that if they were planning on eating me, they ought to hurry as there really wasn't much left.

 

“I didn't even move as they approached, lying flat out on my belly, a look of utter distaste sprawled all over my face.

 

“ “Just get it over with,” I spat hatefully, glaring at each one of them. “you ugly, mangy……..”

 

“And that's when I saw him, standing directly over me with a look that just screamed pity. I couldn't even get a word out, drool blubbering over my chin in the most regal way.

 

“Z…..Zarbon?”