Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Icebox ❯ 06 ( Chapter 6 )

When I finally found my father and that dolthead Nappa, they were standing all stupid-like over the unconscious body of what Nappa claimed to be a wizard. Fucking lucky for them I had the good sense to sweep them away from the scene before someone found out. (Dunno, shrimp like him looked like he'd have a few minions here an' there.)

 

Not like I have reason to believe Nappa about anything, but my father said it too, and I don't see any other way he could have become a goddamn Super Saiyajin than through magic.

 

I mean, come on. What the fuck does he need that for down here? Now it's like there's two of that moron Kakarrot. I think being a Super Saiyajin makes you a hell of a lot stupider. Whatever.

 

Anyway, there was still the plan to consider. After the whole "magical ascension" (bah!) fiasco, I knew there would be no way to cover up the fact that we had a Super Saiyajin on our hands. (If that's what he really is.) Well, but I had to keep it from getting to the important people, y'see—Freeza's closest pals.

 

Like that's even possible. They're everywhere! So I told everyone. Makes the whole damn thing less credible, right? I couldn't wait to see the look on that fucking lizard's face when he found out all the rumors he'd been hearing were my doing. Ohh, it was sweet.

 

 

...

 

 

Now, thanks to my genius plan of spreading the word, Nappa came hopping back to me not to long after looking real delighted with himself. In tow was a fucking bug, seemed pretty happy with himself too.

 

They looked at me an' shook their heads, an' shrugged at each other, mumbling something about there being nothing to do with me. Nappa clapped his big grubby hand against my back and told me to "just keep on talking" because thanks to this Cell guy hearing about it we had (and this is exactly what he said) "lotsa help!"

 

Like he needed to tell me to keep talking. It was my brilliant idea.

 

 

...

 

 

When the moron told me that he, Bardock, and the Cell guy would have everything ready by the next day (what a joke, there's no day and night in Hell) I didn't believe him. But I must have been a good influence on his intellect (or maybe this Cell guy's a real slave driver) because he turned out to be right (probably just pure coincidence).

 

Now I could never trust any of these guys to pull it off right. (Though, where did they get those outfits? I goddamn near slugged my father because I thought he was my traitor of a brother.) So when the time came to round up Freeza, of course I was on top of it. I marched right on up to his usual area, but...he wasn't there. Fucking someone forgot to tell me something. I got back to our little "Namek" setup (considering it was based on a drawing of about the skill of a three-year-old, it looked pretty fancy) and there he was, the bug holding him back.

 

I walked right on up to Freeza and grinned him a nice, toothy grin—to get him all riled up, you know. Then I set to making sure everything was in place. Feel like I wasn't filled in on something, because behind Cell, where the whole Namek setup was, was fucking King Vegeta. Now, my father hates him every bit as much as me—maybe even more—but my father (who had somehow gotten his hair back to its usual color) was standing right beside the goddamn King (who looked real nervous...heh, he was outside his circle, wasn't he?). And then there was Nappa, with six dots on his head. What a joke. They all looked at me at once and Nappa (of all people!) tried to shoo me away.

 

Well, dammit. If I'd have known then that this was going to result in everyone thinking it was their idea, I'da done something about it. As it was, I got distracted—three giant-ass walls fell around us. I leaned against one of 'em and watched as the bug turned and released Freeza to the scene before him.

 

I was about to watch my brilliant plan come to fruition, along with the crowd a' people I'd told about it gathered in front of the open wall...silent an' waiting to see Freeza crumble. Best fucking day of my life. Death. Fuck it, you know what I mean.