Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Kill the plot bunny supplier ❯ Kohan ( Chapter 2 )

"Put it on!" A frantic call.

He fumbled with the earring, got it onto his ear just as Buu charged. Felt himself jerked, and tried to fight the pull, then realized he shouldn't. A bright flash.

Kuhan stared down at his fingers. Looked up at the insignificant Buu. "Why don't you go ahead and absorb me, too?" he chuckled. "I can't beat you and I'm sure you'd love my power."

On the Kai world, Kaibito hopped to his feet, babbling deliriously. Old Kai blinked. "That's not what you're supposed to do! You're supposed to beat the snot out of him! Blow him up! Destroy him!"

Buu laughed. "I would." He pulled a piece of himself loose, and chucked it in Kuhan's direction. It enveloped him, and reformed itself as part of Buu's body. "How amusing… I am sooooo the most powerful warrior ever!" Went off to happily destroy things.

Kuhan went on a tour of Buu's body. Made sure to give him a tummy ache and a bad case of diarrhea. Knocked around inside his head until he was sure Buu had a horrible headache. Yanked the parts of Buu that weren't Buu out of him. And escaped when Buu blew his top at whatever he was fighting.

Giggled about popcorn people while his practical side assisted Vegeta with turning Kid Buu into nothingness. Found Dende and all the dragonballs, wished everyone back to life. And then realized he had a serious problem. His wife was his mom, and he had a girlfriend. Both were clinging to him and glaring daggers at each other.

Instant idiot stance with goofy smile. "Uhhh… yeah. I'm sure we can figure this out! It's just a matter of logistics, after all!"

"Logistics?" Deadly cold female voices chorused.

"Well, yeah. I mean… um…. Oh, this is very confusing." Kuhan turned to Chi-Chi. "You're my wife, but you're also my mother."

Chi-Chi paled and looked mildly ill, so he turned to Videl. "And you are my girlfriend, and would have been my daughter-in-law." He wasn't too surprised when she started to look a little sick herself. "So there's only one possible solution!"

"What?" The voices weren't so eager anymore.

"The split-form technique!" Kuhan proclaimed. "That way, each of you has me, and nobody suffers."

That was the way it was supposed to have worked. But his Gohan side was too much for Chi-Chi to tolerate, and Videl didn't like the Goku part. So he went back to being a one-form, and soon realized he didn't really have anywhere to live. Chi-Chi couldn't stand having him around. So he moved to where Grandpa Gohan had once lived.

And found he couldn't live with himself. Goku wanted to train, Gohan wanted to study. Kuhan found himself constantly fighting himself, and hated it. So he did the split-form technique again. And after a bit of rock-paper-scissors, he determined which of his selves was going to study, and which was going to train.

And that didn't help, either. The Gohan half of him still wanted to study, and the Goku half of his other half still wanted to train. Not even merging back helped. "I wonder if I could split-form us apart?"

It was worth a shot. He removed the earrings, then crushed them. He wanted to be sure that no one was ever stuck in such a predicament again. And then he went to work on the split-form technique again. Over and over. With the same results every time. An extra Kuhan. The last time he tried that, he looked at his exact double, and they both burst into tears, and promptly remerged.

He could go from happy-go-lucky to manically depressed in a matter of seconds. And did, frequently. Kept on his company face for callers, his game face for spars, and bawled himself to sleep every single night.

Decided to end it. Challenged Vegeta for the title of Prince of the Saiyans, and was mildly amused at just how many curses the Prince knew. Meant to lose. Didn't even try very hard, and somehow won anyway. Didn't understand how that had happened, or why Vegeta was broken on the ground. Went down to him, gathered him up, and took him home.

Kuhan took very good care of Vegeta, but the former prince maintained his silence around the fusion. Refused to speak to him at all. Kuhan got more and more disturbed, but sent Vegeta home when he was well. Did the split-form technique and tried that. Knocked both of his selves senseless, but didn't manage more than that.

Went to visit King Yemma for the hell of it, and bounced all over Otherworld for awhile. Even when to HFIL for shits and giggles. Came across Cell screwing the daylights out of Frieza and went home traumatized. Got over the trauma, and told Vegeta, who said he'd have to see it to believe it. Took Vegeta to HFIL and they watched Buu do Frieza and Cell while the Ginyu Force did cheerleading exercises, and then each other. Took a traumatized Vegeta back home and went home to deal with his own trauma.

Kuhan went back to working with the split-form technique. Kept checking to be sure Shenlong couldn't do anything. Visited Old Kai and pestered him until he was sure the old man really didn't know of a way to reverse the fusion.

Finally came to the conclusion that being a permanent fusion sucked, and started doing fusions with Gotenks for the hell of it. Became Sonrunks when he did that. And also managed to scare the hell out of Vegeta, who'd shown up one time to see what exactly all the power fluctuations were for.

Kuhan even managed to convince Vegeta to fuse with him once. To his surprise, he was Vekha, and Vegeta was the dominant personality. He spent months begging Vegeta to do that again, and then got him to fuse with Sonrunks. Vegsonks was created. Kuhan felt that was rather odd, since the fusion was made up of three Sons, then decided it made perfect sense because the Sons always had been rather laid-back, and Vegeta was all take-charge.

He also thought the defusing was amusing, because Gotenks always defused first so that his fused form's power went spacey, and then Vegeta would defuse, and the other three were shot every which way. Kuhan would be left wherever he'd been when the form ended, while they were spinning through the air.

It was when Videl and Chi-Chi tracked him down that things got scary. They demanded he bed them both. Right then. And he'd been without sex long enough, he did.