Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Life Through the Looking Glass ❯ If I... ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter 8: If I...

Have you ever just sat there contemplating life? Wondering why these things were happening to you. Why you were given a second chance; or even why you were given the chance to give someone else a second chance. To start over new. You're given a second chance, but what if you can do nothing but deny it? You're too stubborn to admit that for once in your life they were right. That maybe for once, you should go with the world. Maybe the world was giving you a second chance. A chance to except your soul mate. But the pain that comes with it. Maybe love really isn't worth the pain. Maybe there was something holding you back. You don't want to loose your heart. You don't want to be hurt. But if that is what love is, are you willing to do it? It is just too confusing. You are not sure if this is the right thing. You can't take the leap of faith, when you have no faith. True love comes by once in a lifetime. If you knew that only pain would come from it, would you still do it? Just to know what it was like to be loved, even if it was only for a moment?

-From the Diary of Son, Pan

I've never believed in self-pity. People feeling sorry for themselves when they chose to be there. They only want attention. Those tears are fake. They chose their path in life and they chose the wrong one. It was as simple as that. They felt sorry because they couldn't turn back time and they didn't have the courage to change. It was their own fault that they were there. Nobody forced them to do what they did.

Nobody forced me to go to that party. I could of stayed in my room. There was nobody that could move my feet and make me walk out of that room. I went. It was my decision to listen to my parents. I could have ran away. I could have left it all behind. I chose to do as my parents wished and I stayed. It was my own fault that I was now in my room crying. My heart ached. Trunks wasn't what I thought he was, but it went against all my morals. It went against everything that I stood for. For once my parents were right, this might me a good thing. Trunks would make some woman very happy. I just wished that it wasn't me.

I didn't know what happened after Trunks kissed me. It was hours ago but I could still feel his lips on mine. I can still remember his tongue licking my bottom lip. He wanted to go further but I wasn't ready. I hate him, but if felt so right. I couldn't think, and I could barely breathe. My heartbeat was speeding and even now just thinking about it is making my blood rush. Is this what Marron felt when he kissed her? Was this why everyone was so caught up in their love life? Why have I never heard of anybody feeling this way?

Another silent tear fell down my cheek as I finished washing off all of my make-up. My dress was already off and I was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a tight black tank top. My dress was hanging up on a hanger waiting to be dry cleaned. I hated this. I had to be someone else in front of all those executives and here in the comfort of my own room was the only place I could be myself. I had to stop this somehow. I was starting to turn into something that just wasn't me. The one thing I feared most. I was becoming like everyone else.

I walked to my desk and pulled out another sheet of paper and a pen to begin my next poem. It wasn't hard thinking back to the last couple of hours. Everything had gone from bad, to worse. It had started out as something I was against. I was doing something I didn't want. That was bad. It became worse when I was starting to question if this could actually be good. That maybe I could live with Trunks the rest of my life. When he kissed me my entire world just faded. I couldn't think of anything else at that moment but him and me.

The rest of the night I didn't leave his side. He escorted me everywhere. My parents were smiling. They knew their plan was working. What I hadn't known at the time was that they were watching us. So was his mother. After the kiss him and I stayed outside by ourselves for a few more minutes. We didn't do anything. We just looked at the stars. We didn't speak, and we didn't kiss. He just held my hand and looked at the stars.

After we went back inside him and I danced a few more times and talked to a few more executives. I was a little more open then I was before. I smiled more and I would actually look some people in the eye. When the night came to an end I almost cried. I didn't want to leave Trunks. Just before I entered the limo, were my parents were waiting, he pulled me into another short, breathtaking, chaste, kiss. I thanked him and I entered the limo. He shut the door behind me and all I could do was sigh. My parents and I got into a fight after that. When they asked me what I thought of him they had that laughter in their voice. They didn't know that I go to school with him. They didn't know that he had a girlfriend. I told them I didn't want to marry him and they said I was just being stubborn. Maybe I was, but I still didn't want to marry without love. I didn't want to even think that there could be love between Trunks and me. It was just lust. That was what I had to keep reminding myself. And I still am.

It was now 2 A.M. I knew I should get to sleep but I wanted to finish this poem. It was hard to think that Trunks and I could have a future together. Our parents arranged it so that him and I saw each other every day next week. Everyday after school we would see each other. I didn't really want this, but I didn't really have a choice. I did, but not if I was to obey my parents. Trunks didn't know who I was, and I would use that to my advantage. I want to know what he really is. What he really thinks. Would he use me? Would he cheat on me? What were his plans? Him and I are to get married in two years; but the most trying part of our 'relationship' would not come later. It was this very week. I'll find out what he really is, what he really wants, and if it would ever work between us. I turned off all the lights as I walked over to my bed and fell asleep with dreams of what I would do with Trunks.

If I...

If I fall in love, does that make me weak?

If I cry, does that make me vulnerable?

If I loose, does that make me subject to pray?

If I hate, does that make me cruel?

If I fall in love, do I loose my heart?

If I cry, do I loose my pride?

If I loose, do I loose myself?

If I hate, do I become like the world?