Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Life Through the Looking Glass ❯ Flashbacks and Leaving True Love ( Chapter 19 )

Have you ever fallen out of love? Is it even possible? Many say that there is only one love in a lifetime. If that is possible, then how can you fall out of love? Is there such a thing, or did we only believe that we were in love? Can life actually be so cruel as to allow our hearts to believe that such a simple yet complicated act such as love can control us? Or is it us we allow to control? To live life with a purpose. That's all love is really for. To make people believe that there is such a thing as love makes others believe that there is something worth living for. That there is something better out there and that they only need to look for it. It is only a reason to get away from what is here. To get away from life, and to run away from what we all fear. Rejection.

-From the Diary of Son, Pan
(Age 13)

I sat there by the window looking pitiful. It was raining outside and all I wanted to do was run out there. Get dirty, wipe off all this make-up, get rid of these clothes, high heels, and jewels, and just be myself again. Here I was, away from home, to a business meeting outside of Japan, all because my parents thought it would be best to `get my face out there'. Well, this is `there', and `there', sucks. I was sitting in my hotel room with a black strapless gown on, my hair made up, brown eye shadow and red lipstick. The make-up artists my parents hired said they wanted to go with a natural look. What's really natural is no make-up at all. I'm only thirteen! I'm not supposed to be made up like a little doll my parents could show off to the high class of society.

I've never really had a normal life. With my parents becoming rich all of a sudden, they never had time for me anymore. My mother doesn't cook or clean, my father never smiles or laughs. Hell, he didn't even train with me anymore. The worst part is that he took me away from my grandfather, the one person who still had time to train with me besides my uncle Goten. At first, Goten didn't come. He stayed behind to live with my grandparents but I complained enough and he agreed to come and visit. However, the visit ended up with him moving in with us. He saw how truly boring it was and just how much I hated it. So he's been living with us and training with me. But that doesn't mean I don't miss Grandma and Grandpa. I miss them a lot, but I do call them at least once a week. Sometime we talk for hours without any purpose or point to our conversations. It's like they're my only friends, them and Goten. That's all I really have.

Everyone at school hates me. I don't know why, but I'm almost glad they do. They would only like me if I was like them and I don't want to be like them. They don't know though. They don't know that I'm rich, that my parents own the second largest company in the world, or that both my grandfathers were World Martial Arts Champions. If they did know, then I'd be popular, and I don't want some groupie type whores all over me trying to get my parents money. I don't even want their money. Unfortunately I am the one who gets that inheritance. Which only makes my life more miserable. I can't trust anybody now. I don't want to know what they think will happen when I really `get my face out there.'

My parents know I don't want this, but they also say that I don't have a choice. I guess I really don't, but what I do with the money is what really counts I guess. I don't have to flaunt it like they do. They want me to do that, but I refuse to. This party is just another way to try and convince me to learn to like this life. If only they knew how much I hated it. They know I don't like it, but they don't know how much I despise it. I don't even want to think about the party. I won't know anybody there and that's another reason my parents want me here. They say I should get to know these people because I will be working with them soon. I just really wish I could be back at home in my own room, in my own bed, wearing my own clothes that I like to wear.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888

I remembered that night perfectly. That was the night I met Uub. That was the night my entire life changed its direction. I didn't know it then and I barely understand it now, but I don't regret what happened between Uub and I. Even now, as I sat alone in my room, crying, I couldn't regret it. What I did made me mature in a way. Everyone says you should wait for the right person; the one you would spend the rest of your life with. I think that's just bullshit. Right now, I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life with Uub. I could still be very happy for the rest of my life with him, but he's just not the one for me. The two of us agreed on that. It took us awhile, but after all the arguments; it just happened that we agreed to stay friends. It took forever to realize that it was just a crush I had on him, but I'm glad I did. I loved Uub then, and even now, as I sat in my room, alone, I still love him. But what him and I did, was one of the reasons I was alone right now, just one of them.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888

I had only been at the party for an hour and I already hated it. I had danced with seven guys, talked with about two-dozen businessmen and women, and I had not gone crazy yet. It was a miracle, but no matter if miracles come true or not, they don't last forever, and mine was about to be pushed. My parents were pushing me to meet every person in this room tonight I was sure of it, but, as I've said before, it wasn't what I wanted. Living a lie isn't exactly my life goal. I was born free, just like my ancestors. I wanted to run, fight, get in trouble, and of course, kick some ass. The life of a Saiyan.

There was nobody here my age. They were all either in their late teens or older...much older. Have you ever had a man older than your father hitting on you? If not them, then their sons. It definitely wasn't what I was looking for tonight. I was sure that they weren't pedophiles, in fact, I was sure they were only trying to get from me what they couldn't get from my parents. I knew this was going to happen. I even told my parents, but they said that it was a good thing. As long as I resisted it, I would do well in the business world.

It wasn't hard to resist their advances. They almost freaked me out a little, but nothing like the feeling I've felt since I had gotten here. As if someone was watching me. I knew a lot of people were, but like someone was boring their eyes into me and stripping my clothing from my body, piece by piece. Like whoever it was, just wanted to see me. Not in a sexual way, but the real me. As if he could see me... the real me. The me underneath all the glamour. I looked around, but I couldn't see anything. I knew he or she or whoever it was, was here somewhere. I could feel them following my movements, step by step, breathe for breathe. I knew I wasn't being paranoid; after all, I am a Saiyan.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888

I remembered that day. It happened so long ago. Three and a half years actually. Not too long, but when you've only lived sixteen years, three and a half is a lot. That was the night I met Uub. The night I made my first real friend. If you could call him that. He was more `just convenience' to me as I was to him, but we didn't know that at the time. Then, we thought it was real. It didn't take long for us to realize that we were going nowhere in our relationship. Even though we wanted it to be real and knew it wasn't, it still hurt. I knew it would be awhile before I ever met anyone who made me feel that way, or even better. But I did. I really did meet him. But now, as I've said before, I'm alone.

Remembering that night and all the pain that came from it gave me inspiration that, for once, didn't come from Trunks.

Leaving True Love

So much you don't understand,
So much you don't see.
I leave you now,
Forget about me.

You always give me flowers,
You always say you care.
Think again,
You're never there.

Life is too short,
To waste my time on you.
I need to find my heart,
This is what I must do.

I leave the comfort of my home,
To enter a world I never knew.
I can't hold back,
Even though I still love you.

You can never give me what I need,
Although I wish you could.
I can't give up,
Even though I should

I leave you to your own world now,
I wallow in self-pity.
I will love you forever more,
It's only self-fitting.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888

Hey guys. I know I haven't really recognized your reviews or anything like that. I really do appreciate them. The thing is, my laptop had a virus, and for some reason, wouldn't let me access your reviews, however let me get to the reviews on another site. So, now that the virus is gone, I will be thanking you all individually next chapter. But since I cannot do that right now, THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!!