Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Onnafied ❯ The Devilish Angelic Evil Scheme ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

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One fine day in the golden place that is called the Otherworld, two dead souls separate from their own kind to meet each other in private. One had to pass a poker game in hell, the other made up an excuse to leave the heavenly host practice choir early. As they slink away from their peers, they head in the direction of King Enma's palace, the only place where all souls are equal. One was already waiting for nearly half an hour in the shadow cast by the enormous building, killing time by drawing on the ground with his pitchfork. He suddenly feels a warm, pleasant breeze and looks up, seeing a white robed, winged angel in front of him.

He reverts his gaze back down again putting a last detail to his intricate design and says calmly, "You're late Bardock." However his lashing tail reveals his irritation.

Bardock smirks, "Sorry Beets, it's really hard to get away when you're the lead of the band," brandishing the shiny, red and white electric guitar at his side.

The devil frowns, "I thought angels were suppose to have harps. And don't call me Beets. It's Bejita! Or better yet King Bejita!"

The other only laughs, "You may have been royalty in life but I outrank you here."

Bejita humphs and taps the drawing with his pitchfork. The lines turn fuchsia and flash, and then a brand new crystal ball appears in front of them. He picks it up and asks, "So how's heaven nowadays?"

Bardock settles down on the ground next to him and says, "Perfect... Perfectly BORING. I can't stand it up there, nothing ever happens. How's hell?"

The former king says simply, "I'm missing a card game. Let's quit the chit chat and get on with this." He rubs the ball and mutters an incantation. Then it elevates from his hand and comes to life. "So who are we going to see first?"

The angel replies, "How 'bout mine, you went first last time." Bejita merely nods and waves a hand over the ball, causing it project an image inside of it. As they peer inside, they can see that it's storming, and two figures are currently clashing with each other, doing a basic spar as far as they could make out.

Bejita's face lights up and he smiles, "Lucky me, they're both together."

Bardock pouts, "That's not fair! I still get to go first next time."

"Too bad, you should have let me go first." Bardock scowls and crosses his arms, but then watches the ball and a proud smile replaces his juvenile pout, "My son's still stronger than yours."

Bejita protests, "No he's not! They're even now!" But his statement is immediately disproved when the taller saiyajin throws his opponent down at the ground, rendering him unconscious.

The angel sighs, "Well, Kakarot wins again. Same old thing every time. Continue if you want, my excuse is going to last me another three hours of spare time." And with a flick of his wrist, a laptop appears out of nowhere and lands right onto his lap.

Bejita narrows his eyes, "Don't tell me you're hacking into the forbidden files again."

Bardock says, "Of course I am. Maybe if I'm lucky enough they'll catch me and send me on duty in hell for a couple thousand years or so."

The devil shrugs, stretching out his own set of wings (which resemble a dragon's) a bit, "I don't know, you're such a genius with computers. I don't think they ever will catch you."

Bardock just ignores him and smiles, "Ah ha! Here we go. Chuquita's stuff."

Bejita's eyes widen, "Good Kami! You're going into that! Those are the most dangerous files in the whole section!"

"Which is why I want to see what it is."

"It's sealed off for a reason you know! And if they actually do catch you, you definitely won't only be getting a mere thousand years in hell! I wouldn't be surprised if they stripped you of your wings for good!"

At this the angel simply replies, "It's very lonely being the only saiyajin up in heaven." So Bejita decides to give up the argument. Bardock's eyes widen as he reads the files, "Holy cow! This is amazing!" And he bursts into fits of genuine laughter.

Bejita eyes him strangely, and he feels his curiosity beginning to tickle his mind. "What the heck is so funny?"

Bardock stifles his chuckles and answers, "This stuff isn't _dangerous_! It's hilarious! They're just stories! Really, really funny stories." Then he eyes burrow into a frown as he continues to read, "Although slightly disturbing at times." He scrolls down and reads on, then bursts into even more laughter. "Oh my GA-OD!"

This time Bejita is really starting to fidget, "Do you mind telling?"

The angel spins the laptop on his lap to face him and says, "Look at this," pointing at a particular section of the page.

Bejita narrows his eyes and frowns, "Veggillina? Who's Veggillina?"

Bardock smirks, "That would be your son... as an onna."

"WHAT?!!"

His companion smirks and spins the laptop back towards him, "Yeah, turns out this_Chuquita_is some sort of sorceress and changed your son into an onna. And it gets better." Bejita moans, not really wanting to know. Before he can protest, Bardock continues, "Veggillina proposed to my son."

"Oh Kami."

Seeing his companion's expression of pure horror, Bardock once again bursts into laughter, "Ha HA!! You should see the look on your face!" But his laughter fades as he sees the king's face slowly break into a huge grin. Bardock laughs weakly, "He he.why are you looking at me like that?"

Bejita answers, "You wouldn't believe it, but that sorceress actually gave me an idea!"

Bardock narrows his eyes, "What are you talking about?"

"Think of it, what if we actually got our kids together!"

".....What?"

"Just look at the possibilities! They can start the race all over once again! Think of them as the Adam and Eve of the new saiyajin race! What do you think?"

Bardock says crossly, "I'm starting to see why that stuff was in the forbidden section."

Bejita slaps him on the back and says, "Hey, lighten up! Come on, you can't say you don't like the idea."

"Yes, I can."

The king smiles at him craftily, "But you were laughing at the idea earlier, weren't you? Right?"

A small smile forms on the angel's lips, but it quickly disappears. "You do know one of them has to be a girl right?"

The realization leaves the king slightly speechless, but he gets over it. "Well I can turn your son into a girl. No problem."

Bardock yelps, "MY son?! Why MY son?!"

"Did Veggillina succeed when he. uh she proposed to Kakarot?"

The other says uneasily, "No." not liking where the conversation is heading, and how peppy his devil friend is since getting this "great" idea.

"That's why it should be your son! Every ninjin on that planet adores him as a guy. Imagine if he was a she, not to mention the only female saiyajin left in the universe. Very tempting for the last male saiyajin left in the universe, neh?"

Bardock scowls, "No way, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to convince me otherwise."

Bejita frowns in thought, then says craftily, "But you aren't going to deprive me of my only son, are you? You have two sons! Can't you just at least use one of them for the recreation of our race?"

The angel shakes his head, "No," and turns away, crossing his arms.

His companion glares at him, but then he sighs, "Alright. Be that way. It's probably a doomed plan from the start. Especially since the gods are going to catch us in the act. And we'd be getting into major trouble." Bardock slowly turns around and looks at Bejita strangely, so the king continues, "You'd be stripped of your wings for sure. Banished to hell with the rest of us for all of eternity."

Bardock asks, "You're sure they're going to catch us."

Bejita scoffs, "Of course! For crying out loud, we're turning the strongest man in the universe into a freakin' onna! How can they not find out?!"

The other frowns, "Then why are you even bothering? If they're going to catch us, why do you even want to do this?"

The devil smiles craftily, "That's where my genius comes into play. We'll create a spell so complex that neither heaven nor heaven will be able to figure it out."

"How?"

"By mixing heaven and hell! You have access to all the holy sutras, and I can get a hold of some black magic books, it'll be perfect! Even better, is that heaven won't be able to figure it out by itself, not without help from the demons of hell. And they're too snooty and proud to do that. They'd probably keep your son a girl for eternity, before they resorted to THAT." The angel smiles, knowing how true the former king actually is. Bejita continues, "And even if they do ask for help. Who the devil is going to help those angels with their almighty, 'holier-than-thou' attitudes?" By now Bardock is laughing. Bejita smiles, "And I betcha half of hell would love to see Kakarot as an onna. Heck, even your son, Raditsu, would get a kick out of it."

Bardock chuckles, wiping away his teary eyes, "Oh man, that's great Beets. But does it really have to be my son?"

"YES!"

****

Nearly a month later, Goku and Vegeta are once again finishing off another spar and resting under the shade of a humungous, oak tree. Goku puts his hands behind his head and lies down on the soft grass next to his sparring partner. Attempting to start a conversation, he asks, "So Vegeta, what did you think of the spar today?"

The smaller saiyajin says gruffly, "What do you care? You beat me again," resentment very apparent in his tone.

Goku shrugs, "I dunno. You just seem to analyze this stuff more than I do."

Vegeta glares at the other saiyajin, knowing this very well isn't true, then he sighs, "All right. You wanna know what I think? To be perfectly frank, I don't think we're going anywhere. It's like we've reached a plateau and can't get any stronger."

Goku raises his eyebrows in surprise, "Wow, really? I've been feeling exactly the same way." He sits up and says, "It seems like.like I need a new challenge. Not just the same old boring spar everyday."

The ouji says in amusement, "So what do you suggest we do?"

The larger saiyajin says excitedly, "Let's go off-planet and train!"

Vegeta burrows his eyebrows slightly, taking it into consideration, "Off planet?....Well, why not? It's been getting pretty boring around here."

Goku beams, "So you'll go with me?"

"Of course I am! Bulma doesn't have two spaceships you know!"

His companion smiles, "Cool! When should we leave?"

The other says calmly, "I'll convince Bulma to let us go tomorrow.And quit bouncing around like that or I'll change my mind!"

Goku stops cheering immediately, but doesn't wipe the smile off of his face, "I'm going to go home right away to pack!"

Vegeta smirks, "Have fun breaking this to your screechy mate. And don't forget to be at Capsule Corps by dawn!"

Goku smiles, "I won't," and teleports back to his place.

Vegeta smiles and mutters, "Baka," before flying in the direction of his home.

****

Bardock looks around him as he flies towards King Enma's palace, making sure that no one can see him. He hurries on and sees Bejita is already there waiting for him. He lands and whispers to his fellow conspirer, "We're going to have to do this quick. The angels are already suspicious."

Bejita nods, "I have the model all ready Dockers," and presents it to him.

Bardock takes one look at the tiny clay figure in his hand before nearly gagging, "What the hell are you trying to pull?!"

His friend blinks, "What? What did I do?"

Bardock demands, "Are you trying to make my son look like a freakin' seductress?!"

The king frowns, looking at his model, "I don't see anything wrong with it."

The angel protests, "It's too curvy! Look at that!" He points to her bosom, "Those things are as big as watermelons!"

"So?"

Bardock moans, "Oh Kami," covering a hand over his red face. He points to it and says, "I have a better idea." The model instantly changes under his eye. Changes, which don't seem to please the devil very well.

He protests, "Bardock! I spent a lot of time on that! Now she looks too plain!"

The angel says smugly, "I think it looks fine."

Bejita growls, "Oh no you don't!" and zaps the model back to its former stature, but Bardock only zaps it back. Soon the two are in a frenzied zapping war, until they finally both zap that model at the same time, creating a strange magic hybrid shield around it. Bejita glares, "This is your fault Bardock."

"No it's not!"

The bright light shimmers around the model, but it slowly fades revealing the final product. A young looking girl with a cheerful smile and equally bright eyes. She also has shoulder length ebony hair and a slim willowy frame. Her breasts are still rather big, but her waist isn't too slim so it seems proportional. Overall the model looks like the careful delicate work crafted for years by the finest artisans. In other words it's a total fluke.

After much viewing and reviewing of the model, Bejita says, "Well, it's not too bad."

Bardock nods his head, "Nope, not bad at all."

His friend replies, "So we'll use that. Any adjustments that we need to make with the incantations?"

The angel frowns, looking over the sutras he brought with him, "Well, just how strong are we going to make her?"

Bejita answers, "Definitely weaker than my son."

Bardock demands, "What?! Why?!"

The former king says, "Well I don't think my son would take kindly to an onna being able to beat him. Besides she doesn't have to be as weak as a ninjin, just a little more than Vegeta."

Bardock frowns, "All right, but I need to make some adjustments with your incantations too." Bejita hands him a copy of the black magic book, and allows him to proceed to scratch out, mark, and change any part of it, and the angel's own sutras. He asks, "So what about her mind? That's going to be a bit tricky."

Bejita sighs, "Well she has to keep her personality and memories of course, but her psyche must be the same as an onna's. We can't have her still attracted to girls."

Bardock sighs and changes even more on the sutras and the black magic copy. "Well, that just added about three extra hours. We both agreed on her being just slightly taller than the ouji right?" The king nods, and Bardock says with satisfaction, "I guess that's it. We better get started," and he assumes a meditating position, getting ready to chant.

The devil asks, "Exactly how long is this going to take?"

"We should finish at about morning."

****

Goku fidgets in his sleep, still not able to sleep well. Possibly it's from the guilt ChiChi laid on him for leaving right away without at least three- days notice. But it's more likely from the couch ChiChi made him sleep on. He looks up at the clock groggily, seeing it read 3:16 a.m. Maybe Vegeta wouldn't mind if he came a little early.

He pulls the blanket off him and goes around in the pitch black of the night, performing his usual morning tasks. Combing his hair, brushing his teeth, and eating several boxes worth of cold cereal. Still half-asleep he performs everything automatically, not really noticing anything going on around him. He's about to change at one point, but he remembers that he changed into his traveling clothes the night before so that he would have time to do other things. When everything's finally did and done, he goes upstairs into the bedroom and gives his wife a kiss on the forehead.

Then he grabs his bags and teleports over to Capsule Corps. By the time he arrives, it's 4:01 a.m. He drops his bags onto the floor and goes up to Vegeta's bedroom to see if he was awake. As he opens the door, he sees the ouji still sleeping like a baby. Meanwhile the sun is just peeking over the horizon. Goku smiles, thinking about how cute Vegeta looks when he's asleep. He blinks, 'Where did that come from?'

Deciding it's going to be a while until he wakes up, he goes down to the kitchen to make himself some eggs.

****

Vegeta's alarm clock gives off a pleasant sounding crunch when he throws it against the wall. He bellows, "You stupid contraption! You were supposed to wake me up an hour ago! Kakarot's probably already been here for hours, laughing at me." He curse incoherently as his suspicions are confirmed when the smell of cooking wafts into the room. Only Kakarot would be up at five in the morning, making breakfast. He stomps down to the kitchen and yells, "Kakarot! Get out of my kitchen!" just as he opens up the door.

However, he doesn't fine the orange and blue gied man he was expecting, but an orange and blue gied onna at the stove, making scrambled eggs. Not only that but a very hot onna, too. Irrationally he wonders wherther he's in the right kitchen or not.

The girl smiles, "Hey Veggie, good to see you're awake." She pauses, frowning as if she's analyzing her own voice. But Vegeta is just as confused as hell. How did she know his name? Then he realizes it. It must be a dream! A really wacked up dream at that. A beautiful onna, dressed up like Kakarot, cooking breakfast in his kitchen. Sounds surreal enough. The girl asks, "Um.can I help you with something?" a tinge of uneasiness in her voice, seeing the way the ouji is staring at her.

Vegeta smirks and grabs her, putting an arm around her waist. He says slyly, "I think I can help myself," before drawing her into a lustful kiss. Well, it shouldn't hurt. It's only a dream, right?

The onna struggles and punches him upside the head, sending Vegeta flying into the kitchen wall. She screams at the top of her lungs, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!"

However, Vegeta just stares at her blankly, while readjusting his jaw, "Holy crap, that hurt!" He pauses then his eyes widen in shock, "Holy crap! You're REAL!"

The girl yells, "Of course I'm real! Whatever made you think I'm not?!"

The saiyajin demands, "Well what am I supposed to think when some strange onna appears in my kitchen without sounding off any of the burglar alarms?!..... How the hell did you get in here anyway?!"

She just stares at him, "Strange onna? What are you talking about?" Her head swivels as she takes a quick look around the room, "I don't see anybody else here."

Vegeta scowls, "I meant you, baka!"

The girl protests, "But you know me!"

The ouji frowns as he studies her face, "You know, you're right. I think I have seen you somewhere before. Wait, what's your name?"

She says in exasperation, "Oh for crying out loud! It's me! Goku!"

Vegeta yelps, "WHAT?!" nearly falling over in shock.

Goku scowls and grabs his arm, "Will you quit playing games, Vedge! I thought we were supposed to leave an hour ago!"

He looks at her in amazement and utter horror, "Oh Kami, it IS you!... I KISSED you!!" He starts to gag and clutches at his throat, "Oh my god! I can't believe I just kissed Kakarot!" Goku sweatdrops as he overdramatically falls to the floor wailing about how the poison was getting into his bloodstream. "No! I'm going to die! I don't wanna die!"

Goku glares at him, and says dryly, "Thanks a lot. But I want to know why you decided to do it in the first place."

The ouji scowls, "You're just as daft as ever, Bakarot! Just look at yourself!"

She frowns, "I don't see what's so." She pauses when she looks down at her chest, "..uh, Vegeta?"

Vegeta narrows his eyes, "Yes, Kakarot. Those are what you think they are."

Goku pales and says meekly, "Veggie...can you please tell me where your bathroom is?" The ouji points down the hall and she hastily rushes over in that direction. Vegeta quickly plugs up his ears right before a horrified, ear-splitting scream echoes throughout the entire Capsule Corps complex.

Back in the Otherworld, Bejita smiles, "Well she definitely screams like a girl," looking into the crystal ball.

Bardock covers his red face and moans, "I can't believe he kissed her."

His friend replies, "But that's what we want," he adds with a mischievious tone, "and much more than that too."

The angel mutters, "I still think I'm going to be sick. We need to head back soon. The others will be missing us."

Bejita nods, "Right. I'll see you later," and with a wave of his pitchfork, the crystal ball vaporizes into thin air.

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