Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Peaches & Cream ❯ Chapter 7

Dear Diary:

He's here right now. I can feel him. He's not even trying to block me, which is kind of surprising. I just thought…I don't know what I thought. I can't believe all this is happening.

Vegeta really freaked me out today. He's changed a lot in eight years. More than I expected he would. It's because of Gohan, I guess. I wonder how different `Geta might be if I'd never left. Would we be together now? I like to think we would. But then, what would have become of Gohan? He's changed, too, and it's more than just growing up.

But I was talking about `Geta. He was so vulnerable. I don't think he was ever that open with anyone before, even when he died that time on Namek. The things I felt from him…I can't even describe it. I can always feel his love for me, but I can't believe he would admit to feeling insecure. About anything! Of course, he was being ridiculous. As if I'd ever leave him, or forget about him. I've always felt that we were made for each other, even if it took me a while to understand that what I felt for him was love.

When I found out I could come back to Earth, I was so excited. I didn't know for sure how he would react, or what our life together would be like. In a way, I guess, Gohan…well, softened him up for me. That can't have been easy. Gohan's not exactly dependent, but he's always thrived off love and affection. It must have been hard beating that out of Vegeta! I suppose they rubbed off on each other. It was good for both of them. I keep thinking I should never have come back, but every time I do, I feel how happy they are I'm here. Vegeta never says anything; he just looks at me like I'm being an idiot again, or sometimes he looks at me and his whole face softens and I know he doesn't want me to go. And Gohan? Gohan told me he doesn't want anything to come between us-heck, he made me promise I'd always love him. He meant it, too. But my being here has changed him. I know it's not normal-these feelings he has for me-and even though Vegeta thinks it's okay, I'm afraid. Does he really understand what he's doing? Is this just some passing crush, or does he actually love me the way he loves `Geta? If I assume wrong, I could destroy him.

I love him. Gohan, I mean. I remember the first time I held him in my arms and thought, here's a little part of me. And I promised him then that I would always take care of him, that I would love him and protect him for as long as he needed me. I wish I could have been there to see him grow into a man, to see what made him the way he is. Vegeta said to try and look at him as if he was just another person, but I don't think I can do that. To me, he'll always be my son.

So what do I do about this? Even if I was sure it wasn't a huge mistake, I just don't know if I can be what he wants me to be. Every time I think about him kissing me-and I can't seem to stop thinking about it-I get this image in my head of holding him when he was little, and it feels…strange. Not bad, I guess. Just weird.

Well, I gotta admit this to myself if no one else, so here goes. I want to think about what it would be like to be with him. I haven't yet, I'm afraid to, but I want to. I want to think about touching him, kissing him, stripping off his clothes and holding him. I want to imagine what it would be like to hear him whisper my name in the dark.

Well, damn. So much for not thinking about it.

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