Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Princess of the Saiyans ❯ Losing You ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Note: This is definitely the last "Princess of the Saiyans"-related story I do. Definitely. Probably. Most likely. Maybe. Maybe not. Dangit...

Summary: Gohan reflects on watching Pan grow up.

Losing You


I've lost you.

I don't know exactly how or when it happened, but it has.

I remember the first time Videl let me hold you. In that moment, the next few years of my life were defined. I was Daddy, she was Mommy, and you were our Precious Little Girl. Nothing else seemed to matter at the time.

You were such a good baby, and you grew so quickly. Before I knew it, you were doing your best to walk across the bedroom. Videl kept insisting that you'd get it, but you kept falling. You never stopped trying, though. Finally, she put you to bed, saying you just needed a little more practice.

Later that night, I awoke to the sound of your cries. As was my routine, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and went to see what was bothering you. You only wanted some milk. So I carried you into the kitchen and sat you in your chair, then went to prepare the bottle.

I was almost done when I felt your tiny hands grabbing at my leg. Sure enough, there you were, reaching for your bottle. But I kept it out of your reach and went into the next room, waiting. Seconds later, you slowly walked in, keeping your little arms moving so you wouldn't fall. I was so proud of you; I couldn't seem to stop hugging and kissing you. It didn't even matter that you weren't thirsty anymore.

Videl and I were so protective at first. It was almost a year before anyone besides my mother saw you. Bulma was beginning to call every day, and Trunks and Goten were terribly interested in the baby they hadn't had a chance to play with yet. Vegeta was equally interested...but he only wanted someone else to keep the boys busy.

The first time Bulma saw you, I could tell what she was thinking. She'd desperately wanted a little girl to call her own, someone to dress up and talk to about "girl" things. She loved Trunks dearly, of course, but he was his father's son, and already training. You were the answer to her prayers, the daughter she'd finally get to watch grow up.

Vegeta was indifferent. He didn't seem to like any child that couldn't talk yet, and even after that, he only tolerated Trunks. He thought you drooled too much and smelled funny. But you...LIKED him. I still can't figure out why. Maybe you couldn't see the things we did: his rivalry with my father, his anger at pretty much everything in general, and his fierce pride. Maybe all you saw was a lonely man that needed a friend. You were determined to be that friend from day one.

I didn't realize how much Vegeta & Bulma would come to love you, or how much you would love them.

Trunks and Goten were thrilled. They'd sit there for hours, poking you, playing catch with you (literally), and trying to get you to go Super Saiyan like they could. You were too young to understand, but I thought it was good that you all got along so well. I wanted those times to last forever.

Still you grew, and soon you were demanding to go everywhere with me. I was still Daddy, and possibly your favorite parent, if you even played favorites. You stayed by my side, never letting go of my hand for too long.

Then came that fateful shopping trip, and your training with Vegeta began. I'm not sure what you saw in him, but you never seemed to be uneasy around him, like so many of us were.

Slowly, you began to change. Gone were the days when you followed me everywhere. Now Vegeta was your teacher, and Trunks was the one you wanted to be like. You didn't hold my hand as much, but you were still mine. But I could feel you beginning to slip away.

One day, Vegeta brought you home, and I nearly lost it. You were covered in burns, and bleeding from everywhere I could see. You'd been training with Trunks for the first time, as it turned out. Vegeta told me the story, and as he did so, I knew the look on his face. He was proud of you.

You'd walked in on him and Trunks, demanding to face the older boy at once. Trunks didn't want to because he thought he might hurt you. Then you called him a chicken, and wanting to hurt you became his desire. Trunks had the advantage the whole time. He was convinced you weren't strong enough. But somehow, you managed to get in a lucky punch...one that left him reeling. When his head stopped spinning, Trunks finished you off quickly. He'd been afraid of losing to you.

Vegeta explained that he'd tried to give you a Senzu bean, but you'd refused. You said that you wanted to be like your grandfather, and that you were tough enough to beat Trunks. You allowed me to clean you up, but you wouldn't let me heal you in any way.

The next morning, Trunks came over with a Senzu bean. He was crying, begging you to eat it so that you wouldn't die. You weren't hurt that badly, but he didn't know that. He kept apologizing, saying that he shouldn't have tried to use the Final Flash on you. Videl almost strangled him when she heard that.

Goten knew what to do, somehow. He took the Senzu bean and said, with sincerity in his voice, "You're stronger than me." You ate it then. I never thought to ask him if he'd been lying. Once you were healed up, Vegeta trained all three of you together. You never came home a bloody mess again.

Then, it happened. One day you came home from school, and you didn't say, "Hi, Daddy!" You said, "Hey, Dad." It was insignificant, but I knew my little girl was gone forever. You were older now. I hadn't lost you completely, though.

A few weeks later, you got in trouble for fighting at school. Some girl was jealous of your long hair, and her five brothers had tried to pull it out. You didn't need help, of course, but Trunks & Goten had been there, fighting as if they'd been insulted instead of you. You all knew how strong you were, and that you had to hold back. You and Goten did. Trunks didn't. All five boys spent months in the hospital. The girl got away with minor burns.

I was angry, but not at Trunks. I knew Bulma would be angry enough for all the involved parents. I was very disappointed in you. Videl knew the punishment had to be strict, and suggested that it come from me. She was always hard on you when you made mistakes, but I wasn't.

You don't know how hard it was to really punish you for the first time. I never knew no training for a month would upset you so much. I wanted to hold you in my arms and kiss away the tears like I had so many times before, but I couldn't. You deserved to be punished, and I had to be firm.

That night, I slipped out of bed and went to check on you. I was afraid I'd been too harsh, and despite Videl's confidence that I had done the right thing, I felt so guilty. I wanted to apologize...but you weren't in your room. My brain went into panic mode, and I tore the house apart looking for you.

The phone rang, and it was Bulma. She'd gone to check on Trunks in the middle of the night. Imagine how surprised she was to find you curled up next to him. Bulma asked me not to punish you for running away. I told her that I'd come for you in the morning.

I couldn't stand the thought you being mad at me, but I was more upset that you'd felt the need to run away. I had always been the one you ran to for comfort, not Trunks. I felt betrayed.

I tried to figure out why you had changed.

Now I realize it was me that changed. I was half Saiyan, and as a child, there was nothing I loved more than training with my father. But my Saiyan blood was not pure, so I had lost my love for fighting. You were only one-fourth Saiyan, but Vegeta's training had made you totally Saiyan...in your mind, anyway. You had not lost your love for fighting yet, and it was wrong of me to assume you would.

You wouldn't speak to me on the way home. So I began to tell you about my adventures as a boy. You listened, wide-eyed, as I told you of Frieza, Garlic Jr., Cell, and so many others I had faced. As I'd hoped, you forgot that you were mad at me. As long as I told you a story every night, you didn't mind not training that much, either.

Soon you were 18, almost a woman. Boys began to call more and more, but you had no time for them. Training was your first priority. Gradually, Videl wore you down, and you set out to find a suitable boyfriend.

That first night, you came home sad and confused. You wouldn't say why, and I almost went to the boy's house and skinned him alive. But he wasn't what had upset you.

He'd taken you to the movies, and you'd seen Trunks with a girl.

I was surprised to learn that from Vegeta; he'd been following you the entire night. He understood, as I did. As the two of you grew up together, your fierce competition with Trunks had grown into something more. Neither of you knew of it just then, but you'd been hurt when you saw him with someone other than you.

You didn't date at all after that.

Goten eventually joined a band and went on tour with them. Trunks had been upset over losing his best friend, at first. It was then that he found you.

You still didn't date, but you trained with Trunks daily. I knew it was only a matter of time before your training sessions turned into make-out sessions. It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

I remember when Trunks first told me about your transformation. I was happy and angry at the same time. You'd gotten so strong...but you hadn't told me. Why? Didn't you think that I would be proud of you? Yes, I had lost my love for fighting...but I would never lose my love for you.

I was so worried when that mess with the vortex came up. I'd never felt so powerless. You were in trouble, and I couldn't help you. But you didn't need my help. You were your own person, and you could fight your own battles. Still, I could hardly believe it when Shenlong said you were stronger than him.

Before I knew it, you were making wedding plans. It was just a way of saying I'd officially lost you, in my eyes. As we walked down the aisle together, I held your arm so tightly, not wanting to admit that you were leaving me.

You knew what I was thinking. You smiled and kissed my cheek. "Don't worry, Daddy," you said. "I'll always be your little girl."

During the reception, I watched you dance with Trunks. I saw the way he held you, the way he gazed deeply into your eyes. I knew then that losing you wasn't a bad thing. How could it be? I was losing you to someone who placed your needs before his, someone who loved you more than anyone else on Earth.

So I let you go. I watched as our friends slowly began to vanish: Krillin, Eighteen, Tien, Chaouzu, Yamcha, and yes, even Vegeta. I watched as you produced your own family. You weren't mine anymore; you belong to them now.

I'm so proud of Trunks for taking over the Capsule Corporation. Bulma has worked so hard, and I think she'll enjoy her retirement. I never thought I'd say this, but she's finally starting to age, like the rest of us.

And you...you, with your three children, are starting to age, as well. It didn't show as much, but I could see it in your eyes, sometimes. Two boys and a girl...I could hardly believe it. But I never truly saw them. All I saw was you, Trunks, and Goten, playing together. I miss those days.

I think my mother's death made me realize that I was next. After she left, I began making plans. Just about everything I had went to you and Videl, of course. There were a few remnants from battle, too. My old armor to Goten, my Senzu beans to Trunks...just in case.

It's been five years since I last held you. I know you haven't forgotten me, though. I think of you and Videl all the time. I miss you so much...but I know I have to be patient. You'll be here, right where you truly belong, sooner or later. Then I can give you the grand tour, and show you things we can enjoy forever. I think you'll like it.

Dad and Vegeta haven't changed. They dedicate all their fights to you. Their last fight actually lasted a week. I should probably fight, too...but I think I'm waiting for someone. Maybe for Goten, or even Trunks? Maybe you? I'm not sure. Watching is enough for now.

Can you see me? Have you seen me?

I've been around.

I watch as you tuck Goku, Vegeta, and Raye every night. I laugh about it, sometimes. The boys get along so well, despite their names. Little Raye has your eyes, I think.

My precious little girl is all grown up, and I wish I could take pictures.

I know I've lost you...but I dream of the day when you'll come back to me.

I can hardly wait.