Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Strong Heart ❯ Chapter 25 ( Chapter 25 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Todesengel_ 
The last chapter.
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Romance / Psychological / Horror | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 03.18.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 513 | Status: Completed
The last chapter.
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Romance / Psychological / Horror | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 03.18.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 513 | Status: Completed
Trunks just stared up in disbelief. What he had expected to happen? Really?
He shook his head, realizing, he hadn't really thought about what he'd say but especially, not what Goten would say. It was one of the first times he'd been truly taken back by someone: the ultimate shock-effect he'd always strived for himself. His mouth tasted foul, his tongue dry against the roof of his gums. Unpredictable behavior left him completely out of sorts, his body on high alert for another of Goten's attacks.
Four years had taken a toll of bitterness that even he hadn't figured they would. The physical beauty that had always reigned over Goten was in full swing, his maturity having blessed his features with chiseled and defined features, his posture more dignified. But inside? Everything had changed. Hardened by time and detachment, Goten was now the one member in his family that completely and totally differentiated from the others. He wasn't naive like Goku, nor entirely tainted by humanity like Gohan. There was no weakness that could tame him like Gohan and yet, he was completely unlike Goku's childish abandonment of responsibility.
He was his own person now, no longer tied to Trunks. Free from everything except his lingering attachment to what had happened four years before.
But he was harder now; stronger.
And maybe, in all of Trunks egoism, he hadn't counted on that. Maybe, he realized, he'd expected the same exact person that had been so in love with him four years ago. Maybe, that's precisely what he'd wanted. The fantastical part of him had wanted this to be a tearful, explosion of a reunion; Goten flying into his arms as though nothing had changed and everything could be ultimately forgiven in five minutes.
Now? The world was unpredictable.
"You're right," Trunks panted. "I am an asshole. I am a piece of shit for what I did."
Goten turned and looked at him curiously, probably having expected Trunks to either remain silent, or spit out some pathetic attonement or justification for what he'd done. Trunks hoisted himself up with his elbow on his knee, standing tall to match Goten's eyes with his own.
"And I can't change that part of my past Goten. I can't." He continued. "I want to.. I look back and I cringe, yeah. But I CAN'T change that I did that."
Goten just stared hard, eyes squinted as he tried to figure what could spawn such honesty from a usually devious person. Perhaps, he was trying to see the alterior motives behind this confession, behind Trunks' arrival at all. Having felt the approaching presence, he had purposely hardened himself, expecting just about anything. Trunks would never have come with good news. Someone had either died, someone had come to kill them all, the world was ending or needed to be saved. Nothing short of catastrophe would have sent the bastard his way.
Regardless of that fact, and regardless of whatever motives spurned the prince onward, words that had long since built themselves within Goten, nevertheless, NEEDED to be said. He had waited far too long to speak his mind and no matter WHAT the reason, Trunks was there and he damn well was going to release four years of pent up frustration. He had earned that.
Yet this change in events was startling. No foreshadowing dilema's to contend with, it seemed that Trunks had come for one purpose. To talk.
And having said what he'd wanted to, Goten now stood, hard and fast, stuck in his little world of embitterment and unable to grasp just what was happening. Did Trunks REALLY say what he had? That he looked back and cringed? Like he regretted something for the first time in his unapologetic life?
"What I did?" Trunks interrupted his calculating. "That's a part of me now, as much as you are."
Goten just stared.
"But..." Trunks swallowed, struggling with his words. "But I HAVE changed. I wish I could show you that."
He gestured towards himself.
"I wish that outwardly, there was some sort of variable that would prove to you that four years has aged me, that time has made me think. That even the last few weeks have altered me." He shrugged. "But there isn't. I look like the same man that did that to you, but I'm NOT him Goten. I'm still gonna fuck up, I'm still going to hurt you, I'm still going to constantly disappoint people. But I HAVE changed. Please believe, I've changed."
"No Trunks," Goten said harshly. "You haven't. You're precisely the same man you were four years ago." He continued. "A spoiled little brat begging and wanting the same old thing. The ONE thing you can't have."
Trunks' face fell.
"Well fuck that." Goten snapped. "I won't be your little trophy rich boy."
"Goten no!" Trunks pleaded. "God, just... STOP!"
The other glared.
"Just..." Trunks shook his head. "Stop hardening yourself. Stop.... stop making yourself so cold.""Stop." Goten chuckled with no humor. "Precisely what I asked you a THOUSAND times before.""FOUR YEARS AGO!" Trunks cried out, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Things CAN change Goten."
"Things can," the other agreed. "People can. But not you. Never YOU Trunks."
Trunks hung his head, feeling entirely defeated. The other was right. Maybe he couldn't change. Maybe all of this .... maybe it was all for nothing. A lesson learned and to be forgotten later. Maybe he ought to just leave, to forget by the bottom of a shot glass.
He raised his head, blinking hard at that way of thinking. No. Not again. Never again. He wouldn't numb himself from this. Yeah, it hurt. It hurt like hell to be told the precise truth of the pain he'd inflicted. It hurt like hell to see how harsh Goten had become; how the sweet naivety had left his kind, soft demeanor and how he now stood like a granite statue, nothing betrayed behind cruel eyes.
But the ultimate truth was? Despite the pain of knowledge, he far preferred it over numbness. Too many years feeling nothing now made him crave reaction of any kind. And it would only prove everyone right if he bowed down to his addictive habits once again, forgetting EVERYTHING Mirai had tried so hard to teach him.
"I don't know what to do," He breathed softly. "I can't say anything to make you understand. And that isn't your fault," He admitted. "And I can't blame you for it. In fact, I completely understand it. But at the same time, .... No Goten. You're wrong. I have changed."
The sincerety in Trunks' voice sliced away at layers of rock-hard ice, Goten's firm resolve to say goodbye slowly peeling away.
"I feel like I'm falling apart over here," Trunks looked upwards. "I feel like for the first time in so long, I don't know what to do. I don't have all the answers, I don't have all the words to convey what I feel. But I DO feel now. And I think that's a damn good indication that who I was so long ago... that man is dead. In fact," He looked at Goten. "I want so badly to just dive into drugs right now that I'm literally shaking with it. I'm suffering nasty fucking withdrawal and you know what? I keep thinking that maybe if I just took a pill or take a line or whatever, that I'm gonna forget this feeling of uncertainty and everything will be better. And you know the sick part? That's probably true."
Goten remained silent.
"But the thing is," Trunks spoke. "I don't WANT to make it go away. If this is punishment for the way I treated you, by all means, do it. Turn away and hate me. I deserve worse. But if this is your way of punishing yourself AND me... by...." His features turned disgusted. "by turning yourself completely off from everything and everyone around you, than believe me, it doesn't WORK."
He paused, trying so hard to find the right words.
"I am ... SO sorry," he breathed. "For what I did to you. But Goten, I CAN'T make it right. I can't bounce in a time machine like Mirai and take away all the shit I put you through."
An odd expression crossed Goten's face but he said nothing.
"I can only promise you that I've changed." Trunks swallowed. "And the way you feel about me ---the dreams, the fantasies-- don't have to. I want them to be a reality, now more than ever."
The other stared forcefully, switching his weight to the one foot closest to Trunks.
"You want to fuck me?" He asked boldly.
Trunks just stared at him oddly, blinking fast. No, he indeed had not anticipated that one. The snow crossed over Goten's features, his silence putting Trunks on edge.
"Well...." He blinked. "yes."
He shrugged.
"Of course I do," He said thoughtfully, honestly. "I always have. I know you'll hate to hear it and to be honest, I fucking hate saying it, but Goten, the truth has always been that your brother and Goku were just my consolation for the fact that I couldn't have you. I know that doesn't justify anything and I don't even want it to but it's the way it is."
The storm suddenly picked up, the snow becoming blindingly thick around them. Goten shook his head, pointing his finger at Trunks.
"Fuck you Trunks," He spat, turning away. "Fuck you."
Trunks bolted forward, spinning Goten around by his shoulders. The other's face was a mask of rage, his eyebrows knit and powerlevel sky-rocketing until he saw Trunks' expression. All violence was forgotten, Trunks' face now void of its usual coldness and his desperation apparent in every portion of his features.
"Goten," he breathed in a shaky voice. "I don't know what I can say to you."
The younger Saiyan just stared at him, swallowing down his rage and embitterment. He looked down, the snow clinging to his bangs as he gently took Trunks' hand from his shoulder.
"Than don't say anything." he said simply, turning away once more to walk towards his house.
Frustration built within Trunks, every fiber in his body on fire as he threw his arms out.
"GOD!" He screamed. "What do you want me to do Goten?! DIE?! Cut myself?! Bleed for you?!"
He fell downwards, landing on his knees.
"Is this what you need to see? Huh?" He cried out arms outspread. "Here I am!"
His voice broke as he pleaded, tears suddenly building in his eyes.
"This is me bleeding for you!" He cried, lips purple from the cold. "This is me down on my knees... needing you to see me! Needing you to see that I am NOT the man I was before! And praying you won't turn away this time."
Goten stared at him, bottom lip quivering and chin wrinkling as he strove to contain his emotions. He looked upwards, blinking back his own tears.
"Look into my eyes Goten," Trunks sobbed finally, chest giving out as he collapsed with his arms around himself. "Look me in my eyes and tell me I don't love you!"
The snow piled around his knees as he shook with sobs, hot tears pouring down his face.
"Tell me that you don't see my blindness, that you don't understand how this encompases me enough to wish it away." He looked in disgust at his hands. "To .... to drug myself so that I .... just so that I could forget you. Tell me it Goten!" He bawled. "Tell me I don't love you! Free me with lies if you intend to deny me."
"I'm sorry," Goten whispered, entire body trembling. "But I just can't. I can't Trunks." He looked up into the gray sky, snow flakes gathering on his cheeks. "For the good of us both, God, I just can't do it."
He turned away, walking from Trunks with tears gathering in his own eyes.
Trunks stared at Goten's back in horror, arms holding himself too tightly as he watched the other go. Go for the second and the last time. It felt like there was a blade literally slicing his body in two pieces. Like being stabbed and the knife twisted in place.
"Go then!" he screamed roughly, banging his fists into the snow. "Fucking GO! Leave it all! Leave and be a FUCKING COWARD GOTEN!"
He was screaming so hard veins protruded from his red neck and forehead, tears angrily springing from his eyes.
"Fucking BE LIKE ME!"
He collapsed on his elbows, burying his face against the snow. Goten had stopped in his tracks, not turning around.
"But I'm warning you," He gasped, glaring up ruthlessly. "I swear if you turn away now, don't EVER expect me to...."
He stopped, his chest moving hard with his strained breathing. He traced the outline of Goten's impressive frame with blurry eyes, swallowing down his broken pride.
"No," He shook his head. "I won't even say it. It's not the truth is it? I'm going to be here forever Goten."The other suddenly turned to look at him, eyebrows tilted in disbelief.
"I'm going to be just like this," Trunks promised, still on his knees. "I'm going to be here until the day I die alone. Here in this moment, perpetually kneeling and begging with every portion of my heart that you could still love me; that we aren't just," He let out a sob. "just shadows passing alone in a dank world."
He swallowed.
"I'm going to stay in this moment, forever waiting for you."
Tears fell down Goten's cheeks and he let out a hurt sigh.
"You know what Goten," Trunks suddenly laughed with a sob, throwing his arms out to the sides. "'You're all I really need. I love you now and I'm going to every day after this."Goten cringed, recalling the words he'd wanted to hear for so long. His chest tightened as he closed his eyes to the memory.
"You set me free." Trunks whispered, arms falling to the ground in defeat. "You set me free."
Goten faced him suddenly, face drawn with emotion.
"Not me." He said. "You don't set me free."
Trunks breathed hard, still staring upwards.
"I have been a slave of my love for you for far too long asshole," Goten said sternly before a slight smile broke out on his face. "And after four years, I doubt now is the time to open the cage doors."
With that, he tackled Trunks, their knees digging into the earth as they hugged one another furiously. Trunks bawled, crying as though he hadn't in four years; sobbing away the loneliness and the drug addiction and the sadness and all the mistakes that he'd packed so feverishly into the years without Goten. They held each other as though their lives depended on their closeness, their bodies wracked with their sobs.
Tears fell like the snowflakes, an odd ray of sun breaking through the thick clouds, and the world suddenly encased in snowflakes and dim sunshine.
"I am so sorry baby," Trunks cried out to the sky, as he yanked Goten even tighter to his chest. "God, I am SO sorry."
Sunlight filtered through the falling snow, the odd occurance lasting for several moments as panted breaths and sobs were all that could be heard.
"You know," Goten sobbed, laughing slightly. "You're going to be making this up to me for a lot longer than four years you piece of shit."
They both laughed, gazing at the odd world of dim sunlight and rapidly falling snow.
"I hope so," Trunks sighed. "God..... I hope so."
.............................................. ..........
Trunks walked calmly through the same old halls of Capsule Corp, the same white walls on either side of his same old body.
But everything had changed.
His posture, rather than the crouching readiness it usually held, was softer and calmer, his footsteps gentle over the tiled flooring. The features of his face were smoother as well, his eyebrows tucked thoughtfully over his lashes as he contemplated why it felt like he'd just dove into an entirely different world.
EVERYTHING was different suddenly.
From the colors that he saw to the taste of the air. Everything was more beautiful and now, recalling what Mirai had told him, everything was also temporary.
While Mirai's hardship had come so early in his life, Trunks' realized, his own was about to begin. The world he saw now and even the world that drug addiction had showed him, was about to crumble. Everyone he knew, everyone he'd meet until then, would die. And it wasn't something his mind was prepared to deal with. While his love for Goten at the moment sustained an incredible happiness, he knew that what lay ahead would be tormenting.
The old part of him wanted to dwell in drug abuse simply to drown out the realistic doom they would all soon meet.
Everyone around him was already carrying the dorment virus, only to be awakened at some unknown time. He had known better than to ask specifics of Mirai. More than likely, all time and dates were already altered by Mirai's trip back.
"Touch and see everything as though its your last time to see or touch it." He heard Mirai's voice echo in his memory.
He gazed around his new world, seeing every crevice and crack and bend and consistancy as though he'd never see them before. The roughness of the walls against his fingertips felt like painted kisses of time, his eyes opened as if in rebirth. He knew that right then, he was seeing things he'd never see again. The beauty in life was stressed as he realized that everything we see and do in life was a temperary gift. That every breath he took, was the only one that would ever feel and taste like that one. That every ray of sunlight that peeked through cloudy skies, was perhaps the last of its kind he'd ever see.
He closed his eyes, understanding that even the thoughts in his head and the memories written down in the book of his life, would perhaps, never be there again.
And that... everything in that moment was precious.
He gazed out a window for a passing second, seeing the vastness of the sky as though it was something the approaching night would sweep up, never to be seen again. Everything was so much more beautiful now that he knew its mortality. And he also understood, days of taking everything for granted, were over. He didn't have that commodity anymore; time simply wouldn't allow it.
"Trunks," A hoarse voice came from the slightly open door near him. He turned, walking steadily toward the noises of hushed sobs, gray streaked blue hair over a table top as he pressed open the door. Bulma sat, face buried in her forearms as she cried over the counter, small, fragile shoulders shaking with her efforts. Trunks took only a moment to take in his surroundings, the sliding glass door behind his mother revealing the beautiful pink and yellow sky, the room itself rather boring. Bulma had since glanced up, eyes red-rimmed as she took him in.
"Trunks," she repeated, an odd expression on her face. "you look different."
He smiled softly, noting that only a mother like her would have been able to take a thirty-second glance at her son and see a dramatic difference in him. While he had so long taken for granted his time with her, she on the other hand, saw and took note of every feature, line and contour of him. She knew her son, perhaps in ways that he didn't even know himself. He had to admire her for that, though he'd never even realized it before.
And it dawned on him, oddly enough, just how beautiful she still was; perhaps, how beautiful she would always be. The coldness of her piercing blue eyes was in itself, an enigma. Harsh blue surrounded imploring pupils, yet he'd never felt any sort of iciness in that stark contrast. Dramatic features in her had never felt intimidating, as perhaps they had been to those who didn't know her. No. She had always seeped with warmth, as though even when she was standing five feet away, it was almost as though she was hugging him.
Her smile, though very tiny at the moment, and jaded by the tears on her cheeks, warmed him even more so. He couldn't look at her the same in this world, free of withdrawals that made him irritable with her, free of the embitterness towards life that had made him cruel and detached towards her. She wouldn't be a constant in his life for much longer. He saw her through the eyes that would watch her die. An acute pain started in his chest at the fact that he would someday soon have to hold her hand and say goodbye to her. He knew that someday, her face wasn't going to smile at him like this but would go void of expression as her eyes took in the last moments of her life. He knew that someday, he would stand next to his brave father, the father that loved her more dearly than anything in this world, and they would watch her coffin go beneath the ground.
He suddenly saw her mortality and the cruetly of reality itself.
And he understood, that made her possibly the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
"Make peace with your world and with your inevitable fate. See the lives of those around you as as fragile as they are and show mercy and compassion to those you touch, knowing they wont be around long enough to make amends later."
He nodded silently to himself, sending out a promise to Mirai, wherever he was.
"You've changed," She whispered, her kind voice calming his sudden sadness. He just nodded in response, unable to look into her eyes anymore. It was almost too overwhelming to see her like this, to feel such a harsh love for her. Maybe, he wondered, that was how his father must have seen her every single day.
Unable to contend with the emotion he was feeling, he walked behind the counter, grabbing her up in the fiercest hug her body could sustain, pressing her tightly to him.
"I love you mom." He said simply. "I love you."
Her body was hard for but an instant as she took the words in, going entirely pliant as she sobbed. Her arms wrapped firmly around his throat, holding him much stronger than he ever thought she could, her face hot and wet against his throat.
"Oh...... Trunks." She bawled, wrapping her fingers in his hair.
"I love you so much," He breathed, trying to supress any tears of his own.
She pulled back, gazing into his face and laying both her hands on either side of it. "I love you more than anything in the world," She sighed, pressing her forehead against his. "I always have."
"I know," He whispered. "I know mom."
He hugged her to him again, sharing this moment that seemed perfect. How had he been so stupid to think that drugs could give him this sort of happiness? It seemed suddenly obsurd. The sunlight ripped through the windows, the sun's position in the sky perfect as it peeped through the glass and engulfed them. He just closed his eyes to it, his face against the crook of her shoulder as he sighed, thanking God for her.
He wouldn't take advantage anymore, he realized. He would share as many more of these as he could before she left the world. He promised himself that.
"Trunks," she gently pulled away from him. "what are you doing today?"He laughed at the commoness of the question, how trivial it had always struck him and yet now, how.... interesting it was.
"Damn," he shrugged. "I guess.... I don't know."
She smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow.
"That's a first." She mused.
He nodded in agreement, his previous days always packed with a thousand sick details he seldom spared her.
"I guess," He said slowly. "I thought maybe we could take lunch somewhere. Your favorite restaraunt?"
"Sure!" She beamed, almost looking she'd soon be bouncing up and down, clapping her hands. "There's even a new waiter. And he's got a great ass Trunks!"
"MOM!" He laughed, blushing slightly. He even tucked his hand behind his head before he realized what he was doing, laughing in embarrassment at her. "Sheesh! I don't think Goten would have liked that comment."Her facial expression became even more excited, her eyebrow high.
"Goten?" She asked, her head creeping to one side.
"Yeah," He looked down, grinning shyly.
She gazed up at him in wonderment, shaking her head.
"What an odd day this has been," She mused, her features going from exuberant to almost pained in an instant. He became confused, sitting next to her and gesturing for her to join him. She remained quiet for a few moments, swallowing hard as she sorted over thoughts he'd never know.
"Trunks," She breathed, pushing back tears as she tried her best to be calm. "Gohan is dead."
His happiness was quickly shattered by her words, his face going pale. It seemed the room itself went suddenly cold, Bulma nodding as he took it in.
"Vegeta found him," She said softly, eyes on the floor. "He killed himself."
"I..." Trunks struggled to breathe. "I could have sworn I saw him....I ...."
Bulma gave him time, the quietness only cut occasionally by his muffled gasps and hard swallows.
"V-.. dad is back?" He looked up after a minute, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. He suddenly wanted his father to be next to him, to help him deal with this revelation in a way that Bulma couldn't. As much as he'd always mused that Goku and Vegeta had an emotional understanding that no one else could fathom, so, he and the Saiyan Prince shared a bond that no one else would ever grasp. He suddenly needed that logical coldness that would help him deal sensibly with this.
Bulma expected him to mourn and though that was an option, he suddenly really just wanted to be near his dad: the one person that would probably understand every emotion and process he was undergoing.
"Yes," Bulma answered him. "He just came back a few hours ago. He needed to talk to Gohan when he found him. He...." she looked down, compressing her own sadness. "he didn't say much. I don't think he was very surprised."
Trunks just nodded, trying to hold himself in check.
"There is something else," She gestured for him to sit, the realization dawning on him that he wasn't. He hadn't even remembered getting up. "Something that you might not care about but ...."
She let herself trail off, blinking hard.
"Where..... where did dad go?" He asked, suddenly grasping that there was something of very real importance going on. Something that had probably been going on for weeks.
Bulma thought hard for a second, the pause making Trunks ancy.
"Your father had a dream, a while back." She started. "Two of them in fact. He.... he went to sleep, had an odd dream, and found that he'd basically flown from the gravity chamber to outside the resteraunt where me and you were eating that day.""That's..... really weird." Trunks commented, failing to see the importance.
"You could say that." She nodded. "He ignored it, forgetting about it until....until I had a dream very similar to his. I swore I'd been having a conversation with," She faltered. "With someone there was no way I could be having a conversation with. I didn't even tell your father. I just thought I was being.... OLD or something. But when Goten AND Gohan spoke to him...." She trailed off.
Trunks was certain his brain was about to implode upon itself, his head shaking to calm the chaos. "I don't understand." He admitted. "what's going on?"
"They all swore they'd had conversations with.... " She stared hard at him. "With Mirai Trunks."
He just stared at her, blinking.
"Yeahhh?" He shrugged, failing once more to see the point. Mirai had been there for weeks, probably HAD spoken with all of them. What was the big deal about that?
"Trunks," Bulma looked at him seriously. "Your father took the old time machine to Mirai's timeline to find him. Trunks, Mirai has...." She gritted her teeth. "Mirai has been dead for weeks."
He was on the floor, the chair still clattering next to him. He didn't even know he'd fallen. Just a crash and a clatter and a bright, hot light that landed him here. Bulma was beside him, shaking his wrist as he was planted on his hands and knees.
"Trunks!" It sounded like she was underwater. "Trunks baby!"
He shook his head, trying to push away the cloudiness of unconciousness. How could it be? Was everyone insane? Had something gone wrong in his new world?
"Trunks," She was still trying to get his attention, her arms around his throat. "I'm sorry baby."
He breathed, decided quickly that was his only sane option.
"I'm sorry Trunks," Her voice became clearer as he focused on it. "It was a heartvirus. It killed everyone. He.... He just wasn't strong enough baby."
He shook his head again, falling to his elbows, his chin on the ground.
"His heart just wasn't strong enough."
THE END
He shook his head, realizing, he hadn't really thought about what he'd say but especially, not what Goten would say. It was one of the first times he'd been truly taken back by someone: the ultimate shock-effect he'd always strived for himself. His mouth tasted foul, his tongue dry against the roof of his gums. Unpredictable behavior left him completely out of sorts, his body on high alert for another of Goten's attacks.
Four years had taken a toll of bitterness that even he hadn't figured they would. The physical beauty that had always reigned over Goten was in full swing, his maturity having blessed his features with chiseled and defined features, his posture more dignified. But inside? Everything had changed. Hardened by time and detachment, Goten was now the one member in his family that completely and totally differentiated from the others. He wasn't naive like Goku, nor entirely tainted by humanity like Gohan. There was no weakness that could tame him like Gohan and yet, he was completely unlike Goku's childish abandonment of responsibility.
He was his own person now, no longer tied to Trunks. Free from everything except his lingering attachment to what had happened four years before.
But he was harder now; stronger.
And maybe, in all of Trunks egoism, he hadn't counted on that. Maybe, he realized, he'd expected the same exact person that had been so in love with him four years ago. Maybe, that's precisely what he'd wanted. The fantastical part of him had wanted this to be a tearful, explosion of a reunion; Goten flying into his arms as though nothing had changed and everything could be ultimately forgiven in five minutes.
Now? The world was unpredictable.
"You're right," Trunks panted. "I am an asshole. I am a piece of shit for what I did."
Goten turned and looked at him curiously, probably having expected Trunks to either remain silent, or spit out some pathetic attonement or justification for what he'd done. Trunks hoisted himself up with his elbow on his knee, standing tall to match Goten's eyes with his own.
"And I can't change that part of my past Goten. I can't." He continued. "I want to.. I look back and I cringe, yeah. But I CAN'T change that I did that."
Goten just stared hard, eyes squinted as he tried to figure what could spawn such honesty from a usually devious person. Perhaps, he was trying to see the alterior motives behind this confession, behind Trunks' arrival at all. Having felt the approaching presence, he had purposely hardened himself, expecting just about anything. Trunks would never have come with good news. Someone had either died, someone had come to kill them all, the world was ending or needed to be saved. Nothing short of catastrophe would have sent the bastard his way.
Regardless of that fact, and regardless of whatever motives spurned the prince onward, words that had long since built themselves within Goten, nevertheless, NEEDED to be said. He had waited far too long to speak his mind and no matter WHAT the reason, Trunks was there and he damn well was going to release four years of pent up frustration. He had earned that.
Yet this change in events was startling. No foreshadowing dilema's to contend with, it seemed that Trunks had come for one purpose. To talk.
And having said what he'd wanted to, Goten now stood, hard and fast, stuck in his little world of embitterment and unable to grasp just what was happening. Did Trunks REALLY say what he had? That he looked back and cringed? Like he regretted something for the first time in his unapologetic life?
"What I did?" Trunks interrupted his calculating. "That's a part of me now, as much as you are."
Goten just stared.
"But..." Trunks swallowed, struggling with his words. "But I HAVE changed. I wish I could show you that."
He gestured towards himself.
"I wish that outwardly, there was some sort of variable that would prove to you that four years has aged me, that time has made me think. That even the last few weeks have altered me." He shrugged. "But there isn't. I look like the same man that did that to you, but I'm NOT him Goten. I'm still gonna fuck up, I'm still going to hurt you, I'm still going to constantly disappoint people. But I HAVE changed. Please believe, I've changed."
"No Trunks," Goten said harshly. "You haven't. You're precisely the same man you were four years ago." He continued. "A spoiled little brat begging and wanting the same old thing. The ONE thing you can't have."
Trunks' face fell.
"Well fuck that." Goten snapped. "I won't be your little trophy rich boy."
"Goten no!" Trunks pleaded. "God, just... STOP!"
The other glared.
"Just..." Trunks shook his head. "Stop hardening yourself. Stop.... stop making yourself so cold.""Stop." Goten chuckled with no humor. "Precisely what I asked you a THOUSAND times before.""FOUR YEARS AGO!" Trunks cried out, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Things CAN change Goten."
"Things can," the other agreed. "People can. But not you. Never YOU Trunks."
Trunks hung his head, feeling entirely defeated. The other was right. Maybe he couldn't change. Maybe all of this .... maybe it was all for nothing. A lesson learned and to be forgotten later. Maybe he ought to just leave, to forget by the bottom of a shot glass.
He raised his head, blinking hard at that way of thinking. No. Not again. Never again. He wouldn't numb himself from this. Yeah, it hurt. It hurt like hell to be told the precise truth of the pain he'd inflicted. It hurt like hell to see how harsh Goten had become; how the sweet naivety had left his kind, soft demeanor and how he now stood like a granite statue, nothing betrayed behind cruel eyes.
But the ultimate truth was? Despite the pain of knowledge, he far preferred it over numbness. Too many years feeling nothing now made him crave reaction of any kind. And it would only prove everyone right if he bowed down to his addictive habits once again, forgetting EVERYTHING Mirai had tried so hard to teach him.
"I don't know what to do," He breathed softly. "I can't say anything to make you understand. And that isn't your fault," He admitted. "And I can't blame you for it. In fact, I completely understand it. But at the same time, .... No Goten. You're wrong. I have changed."
The sincerety in Trunks' voice sliced away at layers of rock-hard ice, Goten's firm resolve to say goodbye slowly peeling away.
"I feel like I'm falling apart over here," Trunks looked upwards. "I feel like for the first time in so long, I don't know what to do. I don't have all the answers, I don't have all the words to convey what I feel. But I DO feel now. And I think that's a damn good indication that who I was so long ago... that man is dead. In fact," He looked at Goten. "I want so badly to just dive into drugs right now that I'm literally shaking with it. I'm suffering nasty fucking withdrawal and you know what? I keep thinking that maybe if I just took a pill or take a line or whatever, that I'm gonna forget this feeling of uncertainty and everything will be better. And you know the sick part? That's probably true."
Goten remained silent.
"But the thing is," Trunks spoke. "I don't WANT to make it go away. If this is punishment for the way I treated you, by all means, do it. Turn away and hate me. I deserve worse. But if this is your way of punishing yourself AND me... by...." His features turned disgusted. "by turning yourself completely off from everything and everyone around you, than believe me, it doesn't WORK."
He paused, trying so hard to find the right words.
"I am ... SO sorry," he breathed. "For what I did to you. But Goten, I CAN'T make it right. I can't bounce in a time machine like Mirai and take away all the shit I put you through."
An odd expression crossed Goten's face but he said nothing.
"I can only promise you that I've changed." Trunks swallowed. "And the way you feel about me ---the dreams, the fantasies-- don't have to. I want them to be a reality, now more than ever."
The other stared forcefully, switching his weight to the one foot closest to Trunks.
"You want to fuck me?" He asked boldly.
Trunks just stared at him oddly, blinking fast. No, he indeed had not anticipated that one. The snow crossed over Goten's features, his silence putting Trunks on edge.
"Well...." He blinked. "yes."
He shrugged.
"Of course I do," He said thoughtfully, honestly. "I always have. I know you'll hate to hear it and to be honest, I fucking hate saying it, but Goten, the truth has always been that your brother and Goku were just my consolation for the fact that I couldn't have you. I know that doesn't justify anything and I don't even want it to but it's the way it is."
The storm suddenly picked up, the snow becoming blindingly thick around them. Goten shook his head, pointing his finger at Trunks.
"Fuck you Trunks," He spat, turning away. "Fuck you."
Trunks bolted forward, spinning Goten around by his shoulders. The other's face was a mask of rage, his eyebrows knit and powerlevel sky-rocketing until he saw Trunks' expression. All violence was forgotten, Trunks' face now void of its usual coldness and his desperation apparent in every portion of his features.
"Goten," he breathed in a shaky voice. "I don't know what I can say to you."
The younger Saiyan just stared at him, swallowing down his rage and embitterment. He looked down, the snow clinging to his bangs as he gently took Trunks' hand from his shoulder.
"Than don't say anything." he said simply, turning away once more to walk towards his house.
Frustration built within Trunks, every fiber in his body on fire as he threw his arms out.
"GOD!" He screamed. "What do you want me to do Goten?! DIE?! Cut myself?! Bleed for you?!"
He fell downwards, landing on his knees.
"Is this what you need to see? Huh?" He cried out arms outspread. "Here I am!"
His voice broke as he pleaded, tears suddenly building in his eyes.
"This is me bleeding for you!" He cried, lips purple from the cold. "This is me down on my knees... needing you to see me! Needing you to see that I am NOT the man I was before! And praying you won't turn away this time."
Goten stared at him, bottom lip quivering and chin wrinkling as he strove to contain his emotions. He looked upwards, blinking back his own tears.
"Look into my eyes Goten," Trunks sobbed finally, chest giving out as he collapsed with his arms around himself. "Look me in my eyes and tell me I don't love you!"
The snow piled around his knees as he shook with sobs, hot tears pouring down his face.
"Tell me that you don't see my blindness, that you don't understand how this encompases me enough to wish it away." He looked in disgust at his hands. "To .... to drug myself so that I .... just so that I could forget you. Tell me it Goten!" He bawled. "Tell me I don't love you! Free me with lies if you intend to deny me."
"I'm sorry," Goten whispered, entire body trembling. "But I just can't. I can't Trunks." He looked up into the gray sky, snow flakes gathering on his cheeks. "For the good of us both, God, I just can't do it."
He turned away, walking from Trunks with tears gathering in his own eyes.
Trunks stared at Goten's back in horror, arms holding himself too tightly as he watched the other go. Go for the second and the last time. It felt like there was a blade literally slicing his body in two pieces. Like being stabbed and the knife twisted in place.
"Go then!" he screamed roughly, banging his fists into the snow. "Fucking GO! Leave it all! Leave and be a FUCKING COWARD GOTEN!"
He was screaming so hard veins protruded from his red neck and forehead, tears angrily springing from his eyes.
"Fucking BE LIKE ME!"
He collapsed on his elbows, burying his face against the snow. Goten had stopped in his tracks, not turning around.
"But I'm warning you," He gasped, glaring up ruthlessly. "I swear if you turn away now, don't EVER expect me to...."
He stopped, his chest moving hard with his strained breathing. He traced the outline of Goten's impressive frame with blurry eyes, swallowing down his broken pride.
"No," He shook his head. "I won't even say it. It's not the truth is it? I'm going to be here forever Goten."The other suddenly turned to look at him, eyebrows tilted in disbelief.
"I'm going to be just like this," Trunks promised, still on his knees. "I'm going to be here until the day I die alone. Here in this moment, perpetually kneeling and begging with every portion of my heart that you could still love me; that we aren't just," He let out a sob. "just shadows passing alone in a dank world."
He swallowed.
"I'm going to stay in this moment, forever waiting for you."
Tears fell down Goten's cheeks and he let out a hurt sigh.
"You know what Goten," Trunks suddenly laughed with a sob, throwing his arms out to the sides. "'You're all I really need. I love you now and I'm going to every day after this."Goten cringed, recalling the words he'd wanted to hear for so long. His chest tightened as he closed his eyes to the memory.
"You set me free." Trunks whispered, arms falling to the ground in defeat. "You set me free."
Goten faced him suddenly, face drawn with emotion.
"Not me." He said. "You don't set me free."
Trunks breathed hard, still staring upwards.
"I have been a slave of my love for you for far too long asshole," Goten said sternly before a slight smile broke out on his face. "And after four years, I doubt now is the time to open the cage doors."
With that, he tackled Trunks, their knees digging into the earth as they hugged one another furiously. Trunks bawled, crying as though he hadn't in four years; sobbing away the loneliness and the drug addiction and the sadness and all the mistakes that he'd packed so feverishly into the years without Goten. They held each other as though their lives depended on their closeness, their bodies wracked with their sobs.
Tears fell like the snowflakes, an odd ray of sun breaking through the thick clouds, and the world suddenly encased in snowflakes and dim sunshine.
"I am so sorry baby," Trunks cried out to the sky, as he yanked Goten even tighter to his chest. "God, I am SO sorry."
Sunlight filtered through the falling snow, the odd occurance lasting for several moments as panted breaths and sobs were all that could be heard.
"You know," Goten sobbed, laughing slightly. "You're going to be making this up to me for a lot longer than four years you piece of shit."
They both laughed, gazing at the odd world of dim sunlight and rapidly falling snow.
"I hope so," Trunks sighed. "God..... I hope so."
.............................................. ..........
Trunks walked calmly through the same old halls of Capsule Corp, the same white walls on either side of his same old body.
But everything had changed.
His posture, rather than the crouching readiness it usually held, was softer and calmer, his footsteps gentle over the tiled flooring. The features of his face were smoother as well, his eyebrows tucked thoughtfully over his lashes as he contemplated why it felt like he'd just dove into an entirely different world.
EVERYTHING was different suddenly.
From the colors that he saw to the taste of the air. Everything was more beautiful and now, recalling what Mirai had told him, everything was also temporary.
While Mirai's hardship had come so early in his life, Trunks' realized, his own was about to begin. The world he saw now and even the world that drug addiction had showed him, was about to crumble. Everyone he knew, everyone he'd meet until then, would die. And it wasn't something his mind was prepared to deal with. While his love for Goten at the moment sustained an incredible happiness, he knew that what lay ahead would be tormenting.
The old part of him wanted to dwell in drug abuse simply to drown out the realistic doom they would all soon meet.
Everyone around him was already carrying the dorment virus, only to be awakened at some unknown time. He had known better than to ask specifics of Mirai. More than likely, all time and dates were already altered by Mirai's trip back.
"Touch and see everything as though its your last time to see or touch it." He heard Mirai's voice echo in his memory.
He gazed around his new world, seeing every crevice and crack and bend and consistancy as though he'd never see them before. The roughness of the walls against his fingertips felt like painted kisses of time, his eyes opened as if in rebirth. He knew that right then, he was seeing things he'd never see again. The beauty in life was stressed as he realized that everything we see and do in life was a temperary gift. That every breath he took, was the only one that would ever feel and taste like that one. That every ray of sunlight that peeked through cloudy skies, was perhaps the last of its kind he'd ever see.
He closed his eyes, understanding that even the thoughts in his head and the memories written down in the book of his life, would perhaps, never be there again.
And that... everything in that moment was precious.
He gazed out a window for a passing second, seeing the vastness of the sky as though it was something the approaching night would sweep up, never to be seen again. Everything was so much more beautiful now that he knew its mortality. And he also understood, days of taking everything for granted, were over. He didn't have that commodity anymore; time simply wouldn't allow it.
"Trunks," A hoarse voice came from the slightly open door near him. He turned, walking steadily toward the noises of hushed sobs, gray streaked blue hair over a table top as he pressed open the door. Bulma sat, face buried in her forearms as she cried over the counter, small, fragile shoulders shaking with her efforts. Trunks took only a moment to take in his surroundings, the sliding glass door behind his mother revealing the beautiful pink and yellow sky, the room itself rather boring. Bulma had since glanced up, eyes red-rimmed as she took him in.
"Trunks," she repeated, an odd expression on her face. "you look different."
He smiled softly, noting that only a mother like her would have been able to take a thirty-second glance at her son and see a dramatic difference in him. While he had so long taken for granted his time with her, she on the other hand, saw and took note of every feature, line and contour of him. She knew her son, perhaps in ways that he didn't even know himself. He had to admire her for that, though he'd never even realized it before.
And it dawned on him, oddly enough, just how beautiful she still was; perhaps, how beautiful she would always be. The coldness of her piercing blue eyes was in itself, an enigma. Harsh blue surrounded imploring pupils, yet he'd never felt any sort of iciness in that stark contrast. Dramatic features in her had never felt intimidating, as perhaps they had been to those who didn't know her. No. She had always seeped with warmth, as though even when she was standing five feet away, it was almost as though she was hugging him.
Her smile, though very tiny at the moment, and jaded by the tears on her cheeks, warmed him even more so. He couldn't look at her the same in this world, free of withdrawals that made him irritable with her, free of the embitterness towards life that had made him cruel and detached towards her. She wouldn't be a constant in his life for much longer. He saw her through the eyes that would watch her die. An acute pain started in his chest at the fact that he would someday soon have to hold her hand and say goodbye to her. He knew that someday, her face wasn't going to smile at him like this but would go void of expression as her eyes took in the last moments of her life. He knew that someday, he would stand next to his brave father, the father that loved her more dearly than anything in this world, and they would watch her coffin go beneath the ground.
He suddenly saw her mortality and the cruetly of reality itself.
And he understood, that made her possibly the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
"Make peace with your world and with your inevitable fate. See the lives of those around you as as fragile as they are and show mercy and compassion to those you touch, knowing they wont be around long enough to make amends later."
He nodded silently to himself, sending out a promise to Mirai, wherever he was.
"You've changed," She whispered, her kind voice calming his sudden sadness. He just nodded in response, unable to look into her eyes anymore. It was almost too overwhelming to see her like this, to feel such a harsh love for her. Maybe, he wondered, that was how his father must have seen her every single day.
Unable to contend with the emotion he was feeling, he walked behind the counter, grabbing her up in the fiercest hug her body could sustain, pressing her tightly to him.
"I love you mom." He said simply. "I love you."
Her body was hard for but an instant as she took the words in, going entirely pliant as she sobbed. Her arms wrapped firmly around his throat, holding him much stronger than he ever thought she could, her face hot and wet against his throat.
"Oh...... Trunks." She bawled, wrapping her fingers in his hair.
"I love you so much," He breathed, trying to supress any tears of his own.
She pulled back, gazing into his face and laying both her hands on either side of it. "I love you more than anything in the world," She sighed, pressing her forehead against his. "I always have."
"I know," He whispered. "I know mom."
He hugged her to him again, sharing this moment that seemed perfect. How had he been so stupid to think that drugs could give him this sort of happiness? It seemed suddenly obsurd. The sunlight ripped through the windows, the sun's position in the sky perfect as it peeped through the glass and engulfed them. He just closed his eyes to it, his face against the crook of her shoulder as he sighed, thanking God for her.
He wouldn't take advantage anymore, he realized. He would share as many more of these as he could before she left the world. He promised himself that.
"Trunks," she gently pulled away from him. "what are you doing today?"He laughed at the commoness of the question, how trivial it had always struck him and yet now, how.... interesting it was.
"Damn," he shrugged. "I guess.... I don't know."
She smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow.
"That's a first." She mused.
He nodded in agreement, his previous days always packed with a thousand sick details he seldom spared her.
"I guess," He said slowly. "I thought maybe we could take lunch somewhere. Your favorite restaraunt?"
"Sure!" She beamed, almost looking she'd soon be bouncing up and down, clapping her hands. "There's even a new waiter. And he's got a great ass Trunks!"
"MOM!" He laughed, blushing slightly. He even tucked his hand behind his head before he realized what he was doing, laughing in embarrassment at her. "Sheesh! I don't think Goten would have liked that comment."Her facial expression became even more excited, her eyebrow high.
"Goten?" She asked, her head creeping to one side.
"Yeah," He looked down, grinning shyly.
She gazed up at him in wonderment, shaking her head.
"What an odd day this has been," She mused, her features going from exuberant to almost pained in an instant. He became confused, sitting next to her and gesturing for her to join him. She remained quiet for a few moments, swallowing hard as she sorted over thoughts he'd never know.
"Trunks," She breathed, pushing back tears as she tried her best to be calm. "Gohan is dead."
His happiness was quickly shattered by her words, his face going pale. It seemed the room itself went suddenly cold, Bulma nodding as he took it in.
"Vegeta found him," She said softly, eyes on the floor. "He killed himself."
"I..." Trunks struggled to breathe. "I could have sworn I saw him....I ...."
Bulma gave him time, the quietness only cut occasionally by his muffled gasps and hard swallows.
"V-.. dad is back?" He looked up after a minute, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. He suddenly wanted his father to be next to him, to help him deal with this revelation in a way that Bulma couldn't. As much as he'd always mused that Goku and Vegeta had an emotional understanding that no one else could fathom, so, he and the Saiyan Prince shared a bond that no one else would ever grasp. He suddenly needed that logical coldness that would help him deal sensibly with this.
Bulma expected him to mourn and though that was an option, he suddenly really just wanted to be near his dad: the one person that would probably understand every emotion and process he was undergoing.
"Yes," Bulma answered him. "He just came back a few hours ago. He needed to talk to Gohan when he found him. He...." she looked down, compressing her own sadness. "he didn't say much. I don't think he was very surprised."
Trunks just nodded, trying to hold himself in check.
"There is something else," She gestured for him to sit, the realization dawning on him that he wasn't. He hadn't even remembered getting up. "Something that you might not care about but ...."
She let herself trail off, blinking hard.
"Where..... where did dad go?" He asked, suddenly grasping that there was something of very real importance going on. Something that had probably been going on for weeks.
Bulma thought hard for a second, the pause making Trunks ancy.
"Your father had a dream, a while back." She started. "Two of them in fact. He.... he went to sleep, had an odd dream, and found that he'd basically flown from the gravity chamber to outside the resteraunt where me and you were eating that day.""That's..... really weird." Trunks commented, failing to see the importance.
"You could say that." She nodded. "He ignored it, forgetting about it until....until I had a dream very similar to his. I swore I'd been having a conversation with," She faltered. "With someone there was no way I could be having a conversation with. I didn't even tell your father. I just thought I was being.... OLD or something. But when Goten AND Gohan spoke to him...." She trailed off.
Trunks was certain his brain was about to implode upon itself, his head shaking to calm the chaos. "I don't understand." He admitted. "what's going on?"
"They all swore they'd had conversations with.... " She stared hard at him. "With Mirai Trunks."
He just stared at her, blinking.
"Yeahhh?" He shrugged, failing once more to see the point. Mirai had been there for weeks, probably HAD spoken with all of them. What was the big deal about that?
"Trunks," Bulma looked at him seriously. "Your father took the old time machine to Mirai's timeline to find him. Trunks, Mirai has...." She gritted her teeth. "Mirai has been dead for weeks."
He was on the floor, the chair still clattering next to him. He didn't even know he'd fallen. Just a crash and a clatter and a bright, hot light that landed him here. Bulma was beside him, shaking his wrist as he was planted on his hands and knees.
"Trunks!" It sounded like she was underwater. "Trunks baby!"
He shook his head, trying to push away the cloudiness of unconciousness. How could it be? Was everyone insane? Had something gone wrong in his new world?
"Trunks," She was still trying to get his attention, her arms around his throat. "I'm sorry baby."
He breathed, decided quickly that was his only sane option.
"I'm sorry Trunks," Her voice became clearer as he focused on it. "It was a heartvirus. It killed everyone. He.... He just wasn't strong enough baby."
He shook his head again, falling to his elbows, his chin on the ground.
"His heart just wasn't strong enough."
THE END