Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Story Of You And Me ❯ Part Six ( Chapter 11 )

"I've got a reading on it, but there's nothing here."

"Well, look harder. It's not like it's going to be sitting out on a rock for you."

I drop everything I'm doing to flash a look equal to the sarcastic remark I've been given. I know damn well they're not easy to find - I've got six of them in my fucking bag right now... although this last bastard is being much more elusive than the others.

Focusing my attention back to the search, I kick some rocks and dense foliage to the side to continue looking for it. My patience is wearing thin, and the extreme humidity dampening the air isn't helping our cause at all, but I wasn't exactly the one who chose to wind up in this place. In fact, it wasn't really Trunks' either, as much as I would like to blame him for it right now.

We're looking for Dragonballs, and when they split up, they take on a mind of their own. Dragon Radar or no Dragon Radar, they're still a bitch to track down, making it very difficult to believe that Bulma can gather up all seven of them in just a couple of days when she needs to. But unfortunately, her services weren't an option this time - this is something me and Trunks need to do on our own.

It's been a rough four months and twenty-two days since we took off on this mission, if you want to call it that. Exactly one day after the Shareholder's Banquet.

Armed with a backpack of necessities, a couple thousand zenni, one Dragon Radar, and Trunks' sword, I was pretty sure that we'd be able to attack whatever challenge would come our way on this quest, excluding the fact that we haven't done anything like this in like what... ten years? It was supposed to give us time to think - to straighten out the mess we caused and redeem ourselves in the eyes of someone who didn't deserve it. But what I didn't expect was for this heavy regret to start coming between Trunks and me. Enough so that I'm beginning to really hate myself for what I've done, if not for that fact alone. I never thought something so bad could result from just trying to find a little happiness for all of us, but both of us knew the second we saw her face as she told us she never wanted to see us again, something needed to be done. Or should I say undone?

Enter a certain wish that needs to be made in order to make things right. To undo the damage that we had no right to cause, regardless of our intentions.

Somehow, I fear that the Marron we were just starting to know is gone, replaced by a love-scorn young woman who's been taken advantage of by the only people she thought she could trust. The only contact anyone's had with her at all is a single call to the office to quit her job that following morning, leaving a message specifically for us to forget we ever knew her. But I just have to hope that it's so we don't assume she's in trouble and try to find her. Yet. We figure she's moved into someplace new since that night, seeing how she didn't return to the island or Capsule Corporation, but with who or where - we have no idea. Her average human ki is so weak compared to what we're used to sensing, making it impossible for us to find her among the millions of people in the city... if she's even still in it.

But since that night, my regret for all of this has been overwhelming, making me wish that I had used at least some kind of judgment to realize that it was entirely selfish to cheat her like we did. I completely broke my promise to protect her, even after knowing first-hand how hurt she was the first time we took advantage of her.

I want her to know that I care about her, and that the feelings we have towards her aren't a total lie like I know she thinks that they are. But I suppose my motivation - our motivation - wasn't as noble as I would like to believe either. I just wanted make her feel special, showing her into our little world of not caring what everyone else thinks, and letting her know that simple, real gratification doesn't have to be so wrong, even if it was just supposed to be for one night.

But it's that twisted reality of thinking that has gotten us into so much trouble. Trunks and I have spent so much time convincing ourselves that our loose interpretation of sexuality is perfectly normal, we forgot that in all actuality, it's really not. We forgot that not everyone else is used to separating sex from feelings. Sharing such intimacy with nothing to hold on to. Void of any attachment you're not supposed to have, and ignoring the fact that it's natural to love and become attached to another when you let down your guard... just how much of this still applies to me, I'm not sure anymore.

Because of our serious lack of judgment, Pandora's Box has finally been opened, and now matters are worse.

After that night - after Trunks and me were left alone and naked in that bed together - something changed. Everything that we had done together before that moment had been purely for the effect and nothing else, or so we've been telling ourselves. But after real sex had happened between us - real emotion and real passion - I realized what utter and total bullshit that is. If things were ever weird between us before, they're damn near unbearable now, and I don't know which is worse - living with the fact that we've ruined someone else's life because of it, or pretending that the one I have with Trunks is going to just go back to the way it was once this is all over.

It was just that I finally felt what it was like to give in to it. To let everything go and listen to what my heart truly wants - not just my body - and experience something that I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for. I wasn't afraid or scared to act on it either, which in any other circumstance would have been a good thing. But when all was said and done, I was left lying next to my best friend of all people, dripping with the sex that we both shared and obvious to the reality that we both wanted all of it. I've let myself feel love, and I can't live without it anymore. But I got it from a girl whose life I destroyed and someone who I can not take that road with alone. Where does that leave me?

Looking for these last two Dragonballs over the past month, I've finally admitted to myself that Trunks and me aren't just friends anymore. Not like friends who would just live and die for one other. Stop time for each other. Lie down in traffic for each other. We're close. Too close to just be considered friends, even though it's only obvious when we're alone - when we forget about that disapproving world on the other side of the wall and finally give into what we've been so desperate to hide all these years. Like smelling his scent on his pillow after he leaves for work, or closing my eyes to that calming warmth of his hands as they smooth over my bare skin during... whatever. Lying with him on the couch and resting my head on his lap, feeling his hands run lazily through my hair as I gradually fall asleep. Or those last few moments after orgasm, when it's still okay to be pressed up against him, lost in the feeling of his hot breath on my neck as he carefully traces the marks on my back that mirror his own. Reminding me that the person I'm holding knows exactly what it's like to be just a little less human than everyone else. Before we have to go back to being just friends, when in fact, we haven't beenjust friends for a long time.

I don't know what that makes us anymore.

Maybe I'm just looking for something that should have never existed in the first place?

It's gotten too hard living with this emptiness of never being able to love someone. I want to forget all these feelings I have for Trunks. Just go back to being friends with him. Finally start looking to settle down with someone and bang out a couple of kids to please my mother who still thinks that's what I'm doing with my life, and just forget that I need him in so many more ways than I can ever express. Or in ways that I even should.

But what will that make of me? What am I without Trunks?

Throughout our almost-five month stint removed from the real world out here, I've slowly been coming to acknowledge that I have no intentions of going back to it. Since I already know what will be waiting for me if I actually do go back - my mother, the company, my responsibilities, my life, Marron's father, Marron - I think it's time I leave the old Trunks Briefs behind and start over. He has, after all, become something I can no longer control.

Marron... We hurt her, but that's an understatement of epic proportions - what we did to her made it very easy deciding whether or not to exert all of this time and effort looking for seven mysterious little orbs scattered around the planet. By doing so, I not only thought I would be giving myself a chance to be freed of everything I want to get away from, but also a chance to undo all of the events that have snowballed up until now. It was my idea to use the Dragonballs and wish this all away, even stealing my mother's Dragon Radar to do it.

But more than anything, I thought this time away from all of it would have given me and Goten time to sort things out. To become close again, and to remember what it's like for it to just be the two of us like it used to be. When things were simple. Before things changed.

Things haven't exactly been going the way I wanted out here. Apart from our getting back into some casual training routines over this time away and feeling liberated from my responsibilities, I now think there's something important - maybe even necessary - missing from my life that I need to fulfill. Something I haven't managed to run away from yet. Something I never paid any attention to before, but that is quickly becoming something I can't live without anymore. It's not going away. I can feel something stirring inside of me, and I'm worried about what will happen if it comes out.

I've always been a different person when I'm around Goten. Even my father's been able to see that over the years, which is probably why he ever even allowed me to hang around with him so much in the first place. I know my dad's got this unbelievable resentment towards Goku that's dated back from before I was even born, but I think the simple fact that I was at least hanging around with another kid with Saiyan blood made it tolerable for him to deal with. He's even encouraged me to train with Goten at times, talking about how it's natural for Saiyans to have a connection with someone you can trust at your side in battle, and despite him never actually saying so, I honestly think he's proud of the fight we put up against Buu all those years ago. I think it's the only thing that's made me even in the least bit Saiyan in his eyes at all, even thought I wish I've been able to do more since then.

I just don't know how to be a Saiyan, which probably goes along with why there's this whole side of me I don't think I've found yet. My father's been so damn vague on everything about it he's told me over the years - telling me that I'll know how to 'listen to my true instincts when the time comes'. I would like to think that I know what that means, but I don't think that part of me exists anymore from when he told me.

My best friend's half Saiyan, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him either. The difference is that he doesn't have a father who's pressured him his whole life to act like something he knows nothing about. In fact, it's been the opposite with Goten. Goku has encouraged his son to act like a human, never forcing him to live up to expectations of what he could never become, no matter how hard he tried. Not wishing that his son had turned out to be more like a fighter of another time instead of who he is now, and putting all these foreign thoughts into his head that make him second guess his every action.

Every minute we're out here, I can feel myself constantly wanting to touch him and be close to him, but since that night with Marron, we haven't touched at all. I feel so empty not being able to be next to him. Since we've been out here and away from it all, we've been on edge around each other constantly, too - avoiding any unnecessary eye contact, fighting about the stupidest things, nothing sexual between us whatsoever. Doing anything to avoid what we're both thinking about by pretending to be completely focused on finding these stupid Dragonballs. Just last week, I nearly got into an all-out fight with him about something completely pointless during some sparring, and I'm not sure whether it was out of anger, or out of resentment that he doesn't seem to be beating himself up about us like I am.

Day after day, he does nothing but go on and on about feeling bad for Marron. Hurting her. Protecting her. On and on about what we did and how it was so wrong, when what he's regretting was probably the single best experience of our lives, whether he wants to admit it or not. As much as he would like to blame me for the idea to fuse for Marron, he seems to forget that it didn't exactly take a lot to get him to agree to it.

But it's at night - when I'm supposed to be sleeping that it's been the worst. Staring up at the night sky, going around and around about what to do with these unwelcome feelings for him until I feel like I'm going to scream. I've tried to put a name to what I feel for him, but nothing seems appropriate, and I haven't been sleeping well for months because of it. When I do actually get some sleep, any dreams I have are nothing but sweet torture compared to my reality. So real that when I inevitably wake up with my clothes twisted around me, and my body damp and shaking, I'm almost shocked to find myself alone again. My only consolation is that he appears to be getting as little sleep as I am, but I think it's that both of our nerves are almost at the breaking point, and I'm worried about what will happen should one of us actually snap. I think its all coming down to a battle of wills.

But I think now that we're on the edge of losing everything we have, I'm starting understand what all of this is really about. My father tried to explain it to me once, but I didn't listen to what he was telling me. I haven't listened to a lot of my instincts regarding my feelings toward Goten, paying more attention to my human side and worrying about being so damn normal instead of realizing that no matter how hard I try, I won't ever be normal.

I'm half Saiyan, and yet I don't have any idea what it's like to act like a Saiyan, as much as I know that would disappoint my father if he heard his only son say that. I don't know how to listen to my impulses and act on raw instinct. I want to be able to do what is truly in my nature and give into what I need, since it's becoming painfully obvious that I can no longer go without it.

But what I need is Goten.

How can I tell him that I can't live without him? That our souls are bonded to each other's, and this distance coming between us is killing me? Or that I don't want to make this wish for fear that it will undo us, too.

"I found it!" he finally shouts, holding the Four Star ball high above his head while still buried in the bushes. Without hesitation, he jumps to his feet and unhooks his backpack from off his back, dumping the remaining six on the ground to finally reunite them after being separated for so many years. Their glow immediately starts to pulsate, just like I remember. "Okay, all seven..." he says mater-of-factly, anxiously looking at me to fill in the next step. "... Now what?"

"What do you mean now what? Make the wish. That's what we came out here to do," I say flatly, swallowing what I really want to say instead. But now that it's finally over and we're about to do what we set out to accomplish, I feel completely empty. Almost dreading the outcome.

He doesn't say a word, just staring slightly puzzled at the pile of glowing orange glass in the weeds, hypnotized by the power we both know that they can bring. It's almost overwhelming. "... Yeah, but... I don't think I know how to phrase it. What exactly are we wishing for here? You have to be careful with these things."

"... To make it so none of this ever happened to Marron, and just to go back to the way things were before," I say bluntly. It is the truth, I suppose.

"But how does that work? Would we just... forget everything? Or would we wind up where we started before all of this? I mean..." I detect a hint of desperation in his voice, as if he knows we would be included in that, too. Could it be that he's having second thoughts about this wish? "How far should we go back?"

I don't answer. I don't want to do it at all.

"We have to do this for her, Trunks... no matter what the cost, remember? She's the reason we came out here to do this in the first place."

My heart sinks. "Well... I guess we'll need to have to ask someone. If we make the wrong wish here, we're gonna fuck things up worse than they already are. But who can we-..."

Once again, we think alike.

"Dende!"

It's been years since I've last been up to the Lookout, but it hasn't changed at all from what I remember. It still has that same illuminesent glow to everything, and it always seems to feel like time is standing still when you're up here. It's a strange presence that few on Earth have ever or will ever experience, but my own experiences of being here aren't exactly memories that I like to visit very often. We caused a lot of destruction to this place when we fused those first few times. I saw my mother get killed up here right in front of me, and soon after learned what it's like to be seven years old and know that you're going to die fighting something you have no chance of defeating. A responsibility that by all rights, a seven-year-old should never have to be faced with, but when you're the last one left, being a kid is no longer an excuse.

Trunks can understand all of this.

They were some of the worst times of my life, and this particular trip up here is no exception, as every excuse to come up here is either out of desperation or redemption. Or both.

We touch down on the edge of the tiled white surface, trying to act as respectful as you can while wearing old beat-up, cut-off cargo shorts and sweat-stained tank tops from over four months of trekking around the continents. Deciding to take the Dragonball hunt on foot seemed like a good idea at the time - my dad always talks about how his search for the Dragonballs as a kid helped him become the man he is today, and under any other circumstance, I would say that our search would have been a great life experience, too. It would have probably even been fun traveling around the world with Trunks in the old days and discovering new places and meeting new people, but I feel like we've been through hell from carrying the weight of our motivation from all of this on our shoulders for so long.

Our wish will make things different.

We both instinctively stiffen once we see him approach - worn, wooden staff in hand, acting years older than he actually is from watching a world fall apart on more than one occasion. He's not that much younger than my brother, but his expression reads differently - he doesn't have an easy job.

"Goten... Trunks... It's nice to see you two again. How have you been?" he asks with genuine interest to our well-being. What else would you expect from the Guardian of the Earth? But he can sense that something is up - we look awful.

"Uh... not so great, actually," Trunks answers shyly, almost embarrassed at presenting our 'little dilemma' to someone in charge of the entire fucking planet! "In fact, that's why we're here - we need your help with something."

Dende smiles, switching his staff to his other hand. "I'd be happy to help you with whatever I can. What is it that you need my help with?"

I try to make light of the situation, but lying is pointless. "We want to use Shelong to undo a mistake we made," I say referencing to the both of us. "But we don't know how to word it."

The small Namek looks to us puzzled for a moment, not quite getting at what we're asking for. "What do you mean by undo? I don't think I understand."

We take a deep breath together as Trunks proceeds to explain. "We hurt someone we care about, and we're afraid that if we don't wish it away, we'll never be able to undo the damage we've caused to her. We've got all seven Dragonballs with us to make the wish, but..." He stops short once he reads the look of concern over Dende's face. Almost disappointment.

He speaks apologetically, but firm with the reply. "The Dragonballs are not meant to be used to undo mistakes or wrong decisions. They can't be a substitute for responsibility or judgment, no matter what the reason."

"But we've spent months looking for them! We have to be able to do this!" I interject, trying not to panic about the likely outcome of this plea. But even as I try to reason with him, there's something deep, deep down inside of me that hopes it isn't going to be possible. "Dende, please..."

"I'm sorry, Goten. That's not what the Dragonballs are intended for." His wise words end the discussion without any question - you just don't argue with the Guardian of the Earth. "They are to be used for things made unjust and for the survival of this planet, not for the things we regret doing. Mistakes are the only way to learn in order to choose the right path. The two of you have to accept the consequences of your actions."

His words sting my heart. But he's right.

I swallow the thick lump in my throat, feeling completely lost now that all the work and effort from over four months has been for absolutely nothing. The quick and easy way to fix everything is impossible without defying the one you just don't defy, so we're still at the same place where we started.

One regret. Two aching, lost souls.

And Marron.

The flight down from the Lookout is a long one. After learning that simply wishing away our problems wasn't possible, we decided to take Dende's advice and leave the Dragonballs with him and Mr. Popo where they would be safe. Sure, we could have wished for anything else we could have thought of, but it's been pretty obvious from the start that making our original wish for Marron was all that we wanted out of them - everything else is our problem.

But since being faced with having to live with our actions, neither of us have said a word to each other about it the entire way from the Lookout, and now it's gotten to the point where I don't have any idea where to go. I can't just go back home - there's too much waiting for me there. But where does that leave me? Where does that leave Goten?

I glance over my shoulder to see him flying next to me with the same look of worry and concern on his face I'm sure I have, shrouded by conflict about what to do. The slow setting sun that's just now touching the horizon glows warmly on his face, making it so hard to look away even though I know he can feel me looking at him, but he doesn't turn his focus away from where we're headed... wherever that may be. I've been following him ever since we left the Lookout, and I don't know if he's planning on just going home now and leaving me behind, or what? He knows I'm not going back, which leaves us in a very dangerous place.

For whatever reason, he picks a spot to land near the bank of a river, softly touching down near the edge of it and walking towards the water. Not a word said, just simply shrugging his shoulders out of the straps of his backpack and letting it fall to the grass with a thud. He takes a seat at the edge of the water on some large rocks, running his hands through his hair and leaving them clasped behind his neck, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his head hang down in defeat. An unsteady exhale trembles his body.

He's just as lost as I am.

I keep my distance from where he sits, unclasping my sword from across my chest and finding a place to set it down, wishing that I had something to occupy myself with since now there's nothing left but to sit here in this awful silence with him. Dwelling on the fact that I've finally come to realize why we're here.

As hard as it is to admit it, Goten stopped being just Goten the minute I stepped into that shower with him all those years ago, which only makes this whole situation with Marron all the clearer - I didn't want her. It was never really about her for me. I just didn't want to believe that someone had the potential of coming between us after all this time, but there she was - sitting in our living room and making him smile like I haven't been able to in years. She was sweet and beautiful and everything that Goten deserves in a girl. But it wasn't so much that she was perfect. Or that she would have looked better with him than she would have ever looked with me. It was that the person he was looking at was finally someone else. Someone was coming between us, and I stopped thinking rationally the minute she became a factor.

I've been afraid of losing him ever since I was a little kid. I can't even estimate how many nights I've spent imagining the worse - what it would be like to live a life without someone who now holds the same importance to my existence as water or air. I don't want to be this attached and this dependent on anyone, but this has long since developed past something I can deny. He's everything to me.

My original intention was to seduce Marron and I intended it to be purely for the thrill of the experience. For Marron. For all of us, really. But once I felt what it was like to experience something so intimate and... forbidden with Goten, I realized what's been missing from my life this whole time, and I can't pretend I don't need it anymore now that I've opened my eyes to it. I finally felt what it was like to be with him. Feeling him inside of me. His emotions, his feelings, everything.

I've been trying to ignore wanting it for years, even bringing Marron between us to deny it. And sharing him with someone else was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I saw it as the only way to satisfy what I've been looking for. But it's still there. That growing need for him is still there. I.. I need him now more than ever.

But he only talks about her. And her feelings. Never about what this has done to us. What he's doing to me.

God, where is this jealousy coming from?! I'm not fucking in love with my best friend! It's different with Goten. I mean, I realize there's a mental connection there, and I'm fully aware that I physically desire him - I've come to terms with that a long time ago. But... what is this then? There isn't a label for a relationship where you refuse to love.

But do I want to? Do I love him? It that what this is?

And in that case, what exactly does he feel for me? Throughout the countless arguments we've had on the subject over this trip and in the past, he's never once used the word 'love' to describe how he feels. Does that mean that it's purely physical for him?

Then how long can this physical need go on without eventually feeling love?

I don't want to think about it anymore.

My time to dwell on this has only made matters worse, since the more I try to shut out my feelings for him, the more I hate myself for it. I can feel his conflict. I know he can't stop thinking about it anymore than I can. I need him to tell me that I'm not alone in this, and to admit that he needs me as much as I need him.

I sit quietly with my back against the tree, rapidly losing track of time as I follow the sun as it disappears behind the mountains. Drowning in my thoughts about what to do about watching the last thing in my life I truly need remain completely indifferent to my torment. Wondering if this is it - the end of everything. It becomes almost too much. I need to know.

"Well... what now?" I ask rather weakly, not convincing either of us with my lack of confidence that I still have it together.

But he doesn't respond.

"We have to think of something, Chibi," I plead with such hopelessness, needing him to assure me that it's going to work out. I feel like I'm being torn apart.

He responds idly looking out to the water, "There's nothing to think about."

"Like hell there isn't! Do you have a plan to fix all of this that you haven't told me about?" I'm coming across far more hostile about this than I want to, but it's just my nature to demand answers - to take control of the situation even when I'm not. I'm through with fucking around. "What about us, huh? What happens to us now?"

His body becomes tense, like what I'm saying is making him uncomfortable. But he still doesn't say anything.

I can't take this. "Goten, fucking turn around and look at me already!" I snap at him sharply, raising my voice to demand his attention. It occurs to me that it's been a while since I've called him by his name. I have to strain my hearing to hear his response, nothing more than an exhale of breath barely audible over the rushing water over the rocks.

"Go fuck yourself, Trunks."

And without even that split second of leeway you get to think twice about your actions, or to see what the consequences will be if you make them, I react, hitting him hard from behind and sending him flying into the water face first, just missing the rocks by a couple of inches. I didn't even use that much force, but it wasn't exactly like he saw it coming either. I've never lost my temper with Goten enough to take such a cheap shot. What am I doing?

He scrambles to his feet in the waist high water, completely shocked at what happened and barely able to speak. "What th-..." He's pissed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Well, answer me already! I'm fucking killing myself over here about what to do, and you look like you couldn't give a shit about what happens!" I start to lose control of the anger in my voice. "I don't know what to do, okay? I need you to tell me everything's going to be all right. Don't you know what's happening here? I can't sit here and watch us fall apart like this."

He walks out of the water and roughly pulls his wet shirt over his head, wringing it out forcefully in front of me and throwing it to the ground before opening his mouth. He waits a second to compose himself so as not to scream or yell like I thought he would. Maybe he knows what I'm talking about after all? "We can't be like this anymore, Trunks. Don't you see that? Look at all that's happened because of us! We can't..."

"Then what was that whole talk about not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks, huh? That you don't care that there isn't a label for us? That we're 'different'? Was that all bullshit, too?"

"It's... it's just different now, okay? It's not like before when it was just us. Before... fusing that night." He looks so lost with his intentions, but I refuse to cave into the argument about this again, even if the sides have switched since the last time. "Everything's changed."

"Then stop fighting it and let it happen! It's just us now!"

He reluctantly drops his focus to the ground, afraid to show me his eyes, knowing that they will paint a different story. Speaking with words that sound forced and planned for this occasion specifically, "I'm... just not like that, Trunks. I'm attracted to girls and I know you are too, so stop doing this."

"You know I'm not fucking talking about that!" I hit low, "But if you think that way, then tell me why you never seem to have a girlfriend?"

His hands turn to fists, biting back his anger and closing his eyes. I've struck a nerve. "Fuck you."

"Then tell me why you like it so much when I get you off, and when I..."

"Shut the fuck up!" he grits through his teeth, shoving me backwards, daring me to hit him back. Ki spiked through the roof. Hurt and anger piercing throughout his voice. "That's different! That... that's all different. We-..."

I cut him off, "No! Now you shut up! We fucked around when we were kids because we were curious and didn't think anything of it, but we're not fucking kids anymore, Goten, and we haven't been for a pretty long time! There's no excuse for what we do when we're both old enough to get it from someone else if we really felt that way about it. We're like this because... we need this," I scream at him, quickly losing my temper and hold of the panging hurt in my chest. "Do you think I sleep with all those girls because I want to find a girlfriend? Or a wife? I fuck them because I can, and I don't give a shit if that makes me an asshole or a prick for doing it because I never wanted anything from it in the first place. They don't mean anything to me, Goten. They don't know me. Or my family. Or what I am, or why I have these marks on my back. Do you honestly think I could just walk up to one of them and tell them all about what it feels like to fuse, or what I have that little scar at the base of my spine? And how it feels knowing I've disappointed my father because I can't live up to being the last Prince of a race I know almost nothing about?"

My voice starts to crack and lose its power from what I'm saying. "And... telling them about us. About you and me and why I need you in my life. That I can't live without it." I fist my hands tightly, now wishing that I could take back what I'm telling him, but I forget that he already knows. "That we're not human and that there's something between us that we can't ignore anymore. That I can't live without you."

He doesn't move. Not even to blink. Have I scared him? Goten, please say something.

He refuses to hear it, shaking his head at hearing me pour my heart out to him when I know he's doing everything he can to reject his own emotions from betraying him. He knows I'm right. "I... I thought you understood that... that we can't..."

My jaw clenches in frustration. I feel myself beginning to lose control of my composure. "What don't I fucking understand, Chibi? What?!" My anger is cutting through me again. Or is it that I'm hurt? "I know everything about you. You wanted that night as much as I did because it was the only way to express what we both wanted without stepping over a line that we're too fucking scared to cross on our own. Marron was just a factor that allowed us to let go of everything without changing the situation, and as much as I really regret bringing her into all of this - I really do, Goten - I only wanted it because of you. The both of us... I..." I can barely finish. I need him to know what I'm trying to say. "We have Saiyan blood in our veins, Chibi. We're not like everyone else. There are things inside of us that we have to give into. I know you understand."

He doesn't dare lift his head from facing the ground as I step up to him, but I can see the pain on his face glittering in the last light of dusk, dripping down his cheeks. His breathing noticeably quickens once I get close. Enough so that I can feel his body heat radiating from his wet, bare chest - flexed, trembling, on guard to whatever might happen.

"W-why are you saying this? Please... Trunks, d-don't... don't ruin everything like this..." He's losing the battle, yet still urges me to back down. But I can't.

I press my forehead to his, looking down at the same spot he's been fixed on as I hold his forearms at his sides, feeling that slight twinge of resistance in his muscles that resembles nothing more than a flinch. "We're... bonded to each other, Chibi. And I know you're afraid to let this happen, but I'm afraid too, okay? I don't know what to do either, but I know we can't ignore this anymore. Don't you feel it now?"

I close my eyes and wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders. Not as an embrace, but more for an assurance that he won't run away, whispering painfully quiet into his ear and holding back a lifetime of desperation of the most basic emotion I have yet to give into. His hot breath on tickles my ear and neck, sending tiny shivers across my skin. But he doesn't pull away.

"... I need you."

My breath inhales sharply and I squeeze my eyes shut, releasing a single hiccupped sob as I press my cheek to his shoulder and clamp my arms tightly around his back in return. I can feel his body tremble against mine with his own doubt, but he doesn't release - only holding on tighter as if to find the strength somewhere within us. I marvel at the feeling of rightness that comes with being in his arms like this. Holding each other in such a different way than we ever have before. But still, underlying that feeling of coming home is that deep-rooted sense that something has only begun to unfold that I have yet to understand.

I suppress my fear as I unexpectedly feel him beginning to drag his lips against the damp skin of my neck, breathing heavy like an animal about to attack his prey. Deeply inhaling my scent as though it's giving him some unparalleled strength that he doesn't know what to do with. My arms lose their strength slightly, letting them fall to his waist, sensing the hair on the back of my neck standing up on end. I'm too scared to move.

"I need to hear you say it, Chibi," he begs.

Almost too scared to breathe.

"Trunks...." I murmur in a breath, asking for that last shred of resistance that I no longer have.

He presses his face to the side of my neck with a moan, pressing his lips to precise places across the corded muscles under the fusion markings on my shoulder. His teeth barely graze my skin, silently begging for me to grant him permission to continue and give into this. Into the last essential urge that this growing part of us needs to have.

He aches desperately under his voice, rasping against my neck with the agony of trying to restrain his control. "Goten, please."

My knees become weak. I feel drunk.

Hold nothing back.

And I jump off the edge of disaster I've been dancing on for so long. "I... need you. Oh god... I-I've wanted... I want this."

I flex my entire frame against him, desperate to be in as much contact with his body as I possibly can. Half of me wants to fall to my knees and finish what we started, but the other half - the half I don't understand - tells me to run and never, ever stop.

Holding on to each other with growing intensity, I choke back my fear, as we remain crushed together without movement other than the involuntary trembling of our breath. His grip tightens around my arms with the passing of each excruciating second, trying not to think about what we're doing or where we're going with this, and whatever conflict our minds and bodies have had before about what we're doing is rapidly dissolving into a white hot blur. We're both riding on some kind of primal tendency I never thought even existed, and I finally feel like I'm tapping into my instincts that have long been forgotten.

He leans forward to my ear with shaken hesitation, grabbing a fist full of my hair and clutching on to my shoulder with unnecessary force. His breathing becomes ragged - so has my own, and his hot breath on my neck awakens me to feel something new overpowering my body that's been dying to come out. For the first time, we're truly allowing ourselves to let go.

Scared to death of what's happening to us - scared of what will.

His tension echoes my own. The human side of us is beginning to fade.

"Goten..." he wines with needing desperation. Grip becoming more forceful, shaking under his own strength to suppress whatever it is that is so yearning to be unleashed. He looks up to me with a feral look in his eyes that I've never seen before - amid all the pain and fear and helplessness from everything that's happening - and I do exactly what my first instinct tells me to.

I run like hell.