Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ This Time Imperfect ❯ Hospital Ruminations ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3

 

I should have gone with him…

 

What business did I have being here? Aside from the few friends and my only child, the world shunned the very thing that up until now had been kept secret from me. What difference was there between my self and the destructive power of the saiyans? I may have forgotten the mental training I'd undergone in infancy, but did that make me any less of a threat?

 

What if, one day, I remembered my violent nature and became the vicious thing that I'd been before falling down the ravine? I shivered, thinking what life could have been like if that accident had never occurred. The Earth may not have existed as it does today… My friends, my family… Grandpa would still have died, but for different reasons than the mistake I made in gazing at the moon.

 

He told me not to go outside at night, that a monster ape roamed the lands and terrorized its victims. Being the curious child I was, I ignored his warnings and found myself entranced by the full-bellied moon. I suppose that the urge to defy an adult is something that is instilled in all children (Gohan's recent actions being no exception). …I don't remember much following that, but now I know… seeing Vegeta as an ozaru was like a smack in the face.

 

Why didn't I LISTEN to him?

 

Why was I lied to for so many years? Don't I deserve to know who or what I really am? Did they think I'd never discover the truth, that I was too STUPID to figure it out?

 

Here I thought, assuming that everything was perfect, that I could live the rest of my life in blissful ignorance… Why did I believe them? How naïve I was! Why didn't I see it? It was so obvious that there was something unusual about certain situations following my many transformations as a child. How many times did I wake up naked, confused, and robbed of my tail?

 

Didn't it occur to them that it could have been important to tell me that my tail and the full moon were connected? Why did they allow me to go on for so long, hating something that murdered my grandfather when in fact that creature was myself? I could have resolved a number of issues if my friends had simply come clean.

 

I sighed and focused on the here and now, fisting the sheets and willing the ache in my shattered body to subside.

 

There's no use in dwelling in the past. Bulma and the others were only trying to protect me. It never crossed their minds that their best friend Son Goku could be an alien.

 

…..

 

Bulma always told me, “Never judge a book by its cover.” When I was little, I didn't know what she meant but now that I've had the experience, I can say that I've become the book that's being judged. Even though I've always been a little on the strange side, now that my origins have been revealed, it's almost as if I'm being seen in a different light (by Chichi, in particular). Her neglect of me has only worsened for I was born SAIYAN, and earthling I AM NOT.

 

“Fate brought you to us…”

 

Bulma's words return to the front of my mind and I can't help but smile at her kindness. After all that we've been through together and then losing our closest comrades to my own kind, she still possesses the capacity to love.

 

“You're different from them.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“You have a good heart…”

 

I focus on the sounds around me once more, not wanting to finish the conversation I'd already had. I didn't want to remind myself that in some way, I felt responsible for their deaths.

 

`Yamucha… Tienshinhan….Chaozu…Piccolo…. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you. I could haveended this so much sooner…'

 

Almost 2 weeks had gone by since Vegeta left …

 

I sighed, turning my head to look out the window. I'd asked one of the nurses to push my bed closer to it so that I could get fresh sunlight and see what was going on. It kept my mind occupied (if only a little) but not very long. Seeing the outside only made my yearning for escape even greater. I'd have to make a plan soon before my opportunitybecame lost forever.

 

Kuririn had already been dismissed from the hospital long ago and Gohan was still there at his mother's insistence. I could tell he was becoming impatient with her constant doting. His desire to train and prepare for the trip to Namek was of greater importance to him than the pile of homework she made him do.

 

Chichi spent more time with me, mostly complainingthat I wasn't listening to the doctors or she chattered on about Gohan while knitting sweaters. I ignored the majority of her rants, simply grateful just to have someone's presence there even when I wasn't the one doing the talking.

 

She didn't mention the saiyans at all and no questions were asked about the ordeal. It was as if she was intentionally avoiding the subject, which I'm sure. She still cared in some small way but her real love was spared for our son and I was okay with that. Even if we could never have a normal marriage again, I still thought of her as a friend and that is all that really mattered.

 

A bird flew by and with my good right armI reached to touch the glass. I laughed quietlyand watched as it perched on the window ledge and preened its feathers.

 

Slowly but surely, my body was beginning to heal and the places I'd broken didn't hurt so much. Heck, I wasn't even wearing a body cast anymore, which was definitely good. Casts get so itchy and even if I wasn't allowed to leave, I could have some sense of freedom!

 

`Kakarott….'

 

..!!... I froze. “Wh… Vegeta?”

 

“Thinking about HIM again, are you?”

 

“eh?” I looked over to the doorway. “Bulma? ..I thought you were busy getting thatship ready.”

 

She walked over, laughter in her eyes. “Do you honestly think I don't have time to come and visit you? I'm hurt.”

 

“Heh heh. Sorry… I just wasn't expecting any visitors today…Everyone's so occupied with finding Namek and the saiyans…”

 

“It's done, Goku… The repairs on the ship are complete.”

 

“Wh- They are?! So soon?”

 

She gave my shoulder a swat, “They don't call me a genius for nothing you know? Have a little faith in me Son Kun!”

 

I winced at where she'd hit me, “Ah..ahK…t…t..t.!!!!!”

 

“OH MY GOD!” Bulma cried. “I didn't realize. I mean, I forgot! Are you okay??!”

 

“I-I'm okay Bulma…really…” I clutched my left shoulder and tried my best to smile despite the pain.

 

“Usually you're so strong… Vegeta really did a number on you, didn't he?”

 

“…..yeah… but he had reason to…” I sighed, and refused to look at her.

 

“What?” She took my good hand and held it tightly. “Goku, what are you saying?”

 

`Kakarott…..'

…

……

`Vegeta… You're still out there, alive somewhere. ….I don't know why I can hear you…'

 

“Goku?”

 

A plane flew by and I thought how nice it would be, so far away from my troubles. It's unrealistic to dream so much but time did nothing to erase the memories of our passionate encounter.

 

During my stay in the hospitalit felt as though Vegeta were there with me. I didn't know how to describe it, but I knew that we'd somehow become spiritually connected. I could feel it everyday, that strange bond we seemed to share was growing stronger. Somewhere deep in space he was plotting his revenge because I had rejected him and it was too late to take it back.

 

`Remember this well, you trash…' Vegeta rasped. `There aren't going to be anymore miracles…Be sure to enjoy yourselves till then…'

 

I shivered, remembering his words the moment before he took off into space. He was serious and I doubted that I'd be able to beat him a second time. I dreaded his return because then it would be obvious to everyone how much he had effected me. Maybe he'd planned that all along…

 

“He asked me to join him…”

 

“He…he did?” She sat in the empty chair facing my side of the bed, intentionally blocking my view of the outside. “Why?”

 

“He wanted me to be at his side, to dominate the universe.”

 

She crossed her arms, “…and you said no?”

 

“Yeah, 'course I did.” I blushed. “He got really angry, said that no one has ever refused him before. The fight got really nasty after that…after we………….and then he transformed and beat the shit out of me.”

 

She leaned close, “You okay?”

 

I swallowed the nervous ache in my throat, “Can you keep a secret?”

 

“Of course I can.” She took my hand again and held it tighter. “You can tell me anything Goku. There's nothing to hide between us.”

 

“That isn't true…” I frowned. “You keptmy transformation a secret andthe fact thatyou knewI was the one that killed my grandfather…”

 

“!!!! Oh…Goku, is that what you think? ..that we were lying to you on purpose? We were only trying to protect you.”

 

“But I kept transforming..I noticed after a while but I didn't really understand why no one wanted to talk about it. The truth came to me when Vegeta created that fake moonlight and turned into awere-ape… It was like looking at myself in the mirror. ….I'm a monster Bulma…a monster like him…”

 

“Goku…what're you saying..?”

 

“I'm saying that I should've gone with him…that I could have avoided this whole mess if I'd said yes. I might've been able to understand who and what I am a little better…”

 

“Please don't talk like that,” she begged, her eyes tearing. “I swear we were only protecting you out of love! We knew you couldn't cope at the time. You were only a child and you loved your grandpa SO MUCH!”

 

“…I've made some really bad choices Bulma…”

 

“We all have Goku…that's what makes us human.”

 

“I'm not human.” I took my hand from hers and slipped it beneath the sheets to pull them off. “I'm a saiyan.”

 

Bulma leapt out of her chair and clasped her hands over her mouth to keep from crying out.

 

I rolled carefully ontomy side to allow her a better look. “My tail grew back some time last night…” I waved it freely behind me, curling and uncurling its length to stretch it out a bit. “I've managed to keep the nurses from seein' it but I don't know how much longer that'll work. They might try to give me a sponge bath or something.” I shuddered. “I really hate it that they assumeI'm incapable of washing myself yet.”

 

“Oh my…” she whispered, taking a few hesitant steps toward me.

 

“I'm not gonna let them cut it off. I'd die before I let that happen again.”

 

“But it's dangerous…you know what can happen!”

 

Like what?” I moved it out of her reach and motioned to the window. “The moon is gone. Piccolo made sure of that.”

 

“But…”

 

“You can't argue your way out of this Bulma. If I'm ever going to come to terms with what I am then I'm going to have to eventually face the beastinside me.”

 

“But you can't control it! Someone might get hurt or even worse; someone may use it against you!”

 

“MY body, MY CHOICE!”

 

“Goku sa…,” She sighed.

 

“You're my best friend,” I told her. “…and you and Kuririn are the only people I feel that I can trust right now.”

 

She moved to touchit and I didn't stop her, “I'll see what I can do…okay?”

 

“You don't have to… I won't let them keep me here if it's going to be an issue.”

 

“You're really serious about this, aren't you?I've already heard you tried to escape the hospital once and you see where THAT got you!” Her smile widened when I curled the tip endof my tailaround her wrist.

 

“Yes.” I flinched as she ran her fingers over its length, “Please be careful…it's sensitive..heh..EH! ah, that kinda tickles!…eh…the only reason I tried to leave was to start training again… I had to get out but I guess I left too soon. The injuries got aggravated and I ended up passing out. When I woke up I was here again.”

 

“Hee hee, Goku… It's like I'm seeing a whole new side of you all the sudden. You've grown your tail, escaped the hospital…. My…You've changed so muchin the past year. I hope it's for the better.”

 

I nodded, “Me too.”

 

She leaned to hug me and I curled my good arm around her shoulders to hold her. “Be careful okay? …and take care of Gohan… I know he's strong but he's still a little boy and I want you guide him in my place for the time being…”

 

“Goku…”

 

“I'm not good father material. I've come to terms with that… I can't always be there for him but I know you and Kuririn will do him some good. …I'm so proud of him… and no matter what he wants to be…scholar or warrior… I just want him to be happy….”

 

“You're…You don't have to explain everything to me. I understand better than you think. I know about your rough spot with Chichi, it's obvious to everyone… that little argument Gohan had with herabout going to Namek andthe way she acted when you were hurt… and about Vegeta…”

 

“What about Vegeta?” My eyes widened, heat rising to my face.

 

“He said some pretty mean things to you…he did awful things… I'm honestly shocked to see that you weren't traumatized by all of it…Your entire life has been turned upside down but here you are, smiling like your usual self. I don't know how you do it.”

 

“What you see is only superficial…”

 

“Then you need to start opening up to me because that's the only way I can help you. You've got to stop trying to rescue everyone and start thinking about helping yourself for once… Remember that, okay?”

 

She got up. “I gotta go… There's still a lot to do before we leave tomorrow afternoon.”

 

I held onto her arm, “I wish I could be there to see you off…”

 

She kissed my cheek, “Me too.But look at the bright side, you'll soon be on your feet and you can meet us on Namek.”

 

“Heh,I'm gonna need a ship first…”

 

She nodded, “I've already got that taken care of. Daddy said he found that old podyou traveled in as a baby and he's using that technology to build you something better.”

 

“REALLY?”

 

Yup! So be sure to drop by when you can, okay? Mom's been asking about you…'said she misses you.”

 

I gave her a thumb up. “Sure thing!”

 

She giggled, giving me another hug.

 

I touched herhair,“Nice haircut by the way…”

 

She blushed, fingering it, “You think so?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

She placed the sheets back over me and whispered, “Keep that tail hidden, okay?”

 

I winked, “Will do…and be safe!”

 

“You too, take care!” She waved at the door and blew me a kiss,then, just like that, she was gone.

….

……..

…

`Vegeta...'

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……..

…

.

….

`……kakarott…'

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….

 

The days seemed to run together following Bulma's visit and despite the doctors telling me that I should stay in bed, I ignored them. Roshi visited often, bringing treats and sat readingdirty magazines while I did sit ups.

 

When I wasn't stretching I moved things with my mind while lying in bed. I had to keep mymind and body stimulated or I'd be no good by the time I was healed enough to start fighting again.

 

Amazingly, I was able to keep my tail concealed andafter much persuasion,the doctors even let me shower on my own! (thank god) During those momentsI had alone, I thought a great deal about how I would escape and quickly chose a day that I'd go. With that decision made, I finally felt that I could relax enough to enjoy my day by the window with the sun warm on my face.

 

`K-Kakarott….'

 

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`…I wasn't strong enough to defeat you…'

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…

 

 

…TBC….