Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Underlying Conspiracy ❯ Part 8 ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I'm not making any money.

Warnings: Yaoi (male x male), Goku/Vegeta

A/N: Thanks to achillona for her support!

 

 

Underlying Conspiracy

 

by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Veronica

 

Part 8

 

Vegeta was silent. For some time, all that could be heard were the approaching shouts of the skeletons and the rattle of bones and rusty swords.

 

“We have been duped,” Vegeta said after a pause. With his finger, he poked the condoms and the tube of lubricant in Goku's hands.

 

Goku was staring at the unwrapped packet. “I don't get it.”

 

“I think I do.”

 

“Okay,” Goku shrugged, “at least one of us knows what's going on.”

 

“I wouldn't exactly say that…” Vegeta stared at the lube then shrugged. “What the heck,” he finally decided. He glanced down the stairs, finalflashed about some thirty skeletons then turned back to Goku. “Give me that damn lube. And take your clothes off.”

 

Goku held out the lube for Vegeta and began to fidget with his clothes. Since Vegeta had always been the brain of their small group he decided not to question him. “Look, their bones are sticking back together again,” Goku shuddered in horror. They are coming fast,” he whined, undoing his sash.

 

“We'll have time to finish,” Vegeta calmed him down, pulling his black tank top over his head.

 

“Finish what?” Goku asked, jumping on one foot while trying to take his boot off.

 

Vegeta faltered. “You really don't get it, do you?”

 

“It depends what I should get…” Goku tried to justify himself while continuing to take his other boot off.

 

“Ah, fuck,” Vegeta growled angrily. “You spoiled my mood. Put your clothes back on.”

 

Goku just sighed and started dressing. “Make up your mind.” Then he brightened suddenly. “Hey! Give me the tube!”

 

A little worried that Goku was trying to trick him, Vegeta gave him the lube. He watched Goku scurry down the stairs, uncap the tube and start pouring the contents over the steps. Gradually climbing upstairs, he squeezed out the entire tube and, once back on the platform, tossed it aside. “Let's see how they like that,” he declared proudly.

 

The skeletons did not like it at all. A few steps were more or less fine but climbing further proved to be impossible. They slipped, rolled, and fell over. Bones creaked, broke, snapped, came loose, and got disconnected. They composed themselves, got up and tried again. Then they slipped and fell and broke again.

 

“How did Bulma know that we would need this stuff?” Goku wondered.

 

“Beats me,” Vegeta shrugged, saying a silent prayer to the heavens for Kakarott's blessed idiocy.

 

Goku's amused laughter dimmed when, some five minutes later, the skeletons finally decided that their current approach wasn't going to work and, at the base of the stairs, clustered into a circle to confer with each other. Finally, they broke apart, grinning. At least it looked like that.

 

“What the hell are they up to?” Goku wondered.

 

Vegeta scrutinized the emerging formation downstairs then sighed. “It seems they are pretty smart.”

 

Both of them stared at the ladder that had started forming: one skeleton lay down onto the first step, another started climbing over it, then, its feet resting on the first skeleton's collarbones, the second skeleton also laid down. The column was moving forward fast.

 

Goku and Vegeta watched them uneasily.

 

“Any bright ideas?” Vegeta asked.

 

“I was under impression that was your field,” Goku grunted out.

 

“Despite that it's hard to admit, I think it's fifty-fifty,” Vegeta muttered. He fumbled about in his belt then retrieved a bottle of something transparent. He raised the bottle to inspect the colorless liquid. “Well, this could be anything from water to vinegar…” he ventured a guess.

 

The row of skeletons had already reached them, the closest one already trying to set its foot onto the top of the stairs. Vegeta's arm swung backwards and the bottle flew right into the skeleton's head. He never knew whether the contents of the bottle had worked or what had been in the bottle because the bottle had neatly taken off the head of the skeleton and zoomed across the hall where both the bottle and the skull shattered against the opposite wall.

 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Goku yelled at Vegeta. “You open it and pour it on them!”

 

The headless skeleton trotted about without any sense of direction, just swinging its sword wildly. Irritated, Goku kicked the headless skeleton back downstairs. His foot then aimed at the skull of the second skeleton which had taken the place of its fallen comrade-in-arms.

 

“I think you have another bottle of something shiny with swirling colors,” Vegeta said, watching Goku working out.

 

“Right.”

 

“Doesn't it just make you feel as if you were stuck in an RPG game? All these items we don't know exactly how to use…”

 

Goku gave Vegeta a scrutinizing look. “If I had my way, I'd never let you play video games again!”

 

Goku got the bottle out of his capsule. He uncapped it and sprayed the contents all over the climbing skeletons. The smell of chamomile and lilies filled the hall. Nothing else happened except for the skeletons looking more refreshed and their bones shinier.

 

“Alright, Sphinx or no Sphinx, I'm not going to allow myself to get killed by a pile of rotten bones!” Vegeta dropped into his fighting stance and raised his hands. “Final Fl…”

 

“Santa Barbara's on!”

 

Vegeta blinked as the entire mass of skeletons stopped climbing suddenly. “Huh?”

 

With an idiotic expression adorning his face, Vegeta lowered his hands and watched the formation of disentangling skeletons turn around and hurry back in the direction they had come from.

 

In a second the entire hall had emptied, and only a few lost bones and pieces of rotting flesh remained. But after giving the hall a more discerning look, a huddled pile of bones caught his eyes.

 

“Hey, Kakarott, there's something over there. Go, check it out.”

 

Goku clucked his tongue, discontent. “You sure know how to order others around. There's no way I'm going. It's time for you to get a curse of your own.”

 

“Hmm…” Vegeta drawled. “You seem to have become smarter…” Resigned, he started walking down toward the huddling thing.

 

“Hey, Kakarott! It's a skeleton, come over here, you moron!”

 

Before approaching the thing, Goku spat three times over his shoulder then made the sign of the cross before him. But it really was a skeleton. One that was tied up one and lying on the floor, at that. And it looked rather lost.

 

Goku squatted down. Resting his hands on his knees, he scrutinized it for a few seconds. “Hello, how are you? I'm Goku. This is Vegeta,” he motioned at the prince who was looking down at Goku skeptically, like one would look at a man trying to walk straight through a wall of bricks. “What's your name?”

 

The skeleton stared at Goku for about a minute. It seemed to be quite nonplussed. The skeleton turned to Vegeta whose wicked smirk would have made him piss himself if he had a bladder. It turned back to the more friendly man.

 

“Danny.”

 

Goku grinned brightly. “Well, hello, Danny!” Tentatively, Goku poked the rotting pile of bones. “Why are you here alone?”

 

The skeleton gave the spiky-haired man a look that could only be described as tearful. “I'm gay. They hate me.”

 

“Aren't all skeletons gay?” Goku asked, surprised.

 

Flabbergasted, Vegeta looked at him. “How so?”

 

“Well, all skeletons smile happily… I always thought it must be really great on the other side. And it indeed is.”

 

“Heh-heheheh,” Vegeta managed. He slapped himself on his forehead. “I think he meant it in a different way.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Sighing, Vegeta raised his hands. Slowly, he brought his two index fingers together at the tips and then repeated the motion.

 

“Oooooh,” Goku drawled. “Homosexual, you mean?”

 

Vegeta blinked then let his hands drop back to his sides. “Yeah.” He had no idea Kakarott had known the word. Surprise, surprise.

 

“Poor thing,” Goku sighed. He pondered on something for a few moments. “Well…” he scratched his chin. Then, with a serious look on his face, he asked, “Haven't you tried to explain it to them? You know, I mean, you're just like everyone else, only…”

 

The skeleton looked as if Goku had insulted his intelligence. “Of course, I have tried to fight for tolerance of the gay community and widen their vision! I even arranged a gay pride parade! Well, true, I was the only one taking part in it, but…”

 

“That must be it.”

 

Both Goku and Danny looked at Vegeta.

 

“The pride parade,” Vegeta explained. “Well, you don't see us,” he coughed slightly, “heterosexuals, half-naked, parading with posters, saying that we are heterosexuals.”

 

“What the hell don't you understand?!” Goku yelled at him. “We… I mean, he is proud to be homosexual! Aren't you?” Goku turned to look at Danny.

 

Danny stared back at him then looked at the other man. There was some weird atmosphere here. “I just want to be together with Timmy!” he started crying suddenly. “I've tried everything!”

 

Vegeta turned to Goku who was sniffling, tears falling from his eyes. Vegeta scratched his chin.

 

“Poor soul!” Goku cried. “And they still…?”

 

“They hate me,” the skeleton repeated, nodding. Goku grabbed the teetering skull before it could fall off and stuck it back into its place. “Thank you.”

 

“We can't let this injustice continue!” Goku declared suddenly.

 

Vegeta's eyes popped out. Unbelievable. “Is this some genetic failure? Is Saiyaman back?” he inquired.

 

Goku gave him the finger.

 

“But maybe you did something to incur their anger?” Vegeta asked, realizing that there was no way to end this sooner except for going along with Kakarott. Vegeta couldn't tell for sure but it seemed that the skeleton's skull was blushing. “What about that Timmy? Is he your boyfriend?”

 

The skeleton started crying again. At least it looked like that. “Well, I jumped Timmy's bones… He didn't like that.”

 

“Jumped his bones…?” Goku scratched his head, confused. “Ehh?”

 

“I pity you, Kakarott,” Vegeta commented. “So here you are,” he addressed Danny. “Stop jumping everyone's bones and you'll be just fine. Let's go, Kakarott!” he turned to follow in the direction where the skeletons had disappeared.

 

Goku gasped. “You have no heart, Vegeta!”

 

“But I still have brains which you obviously lack, and that guy,” Vegeta pointed at the lying skeleton, “has none at all.”

 

Goku offered him a glare. “It won't cost you anything to try and help for once!”

 

“Oh yes, it might,” Vegeta shook his head. “It might cost my life. It usually does. Like those fights with Frieza and Buu.”

 

“But you fought Frieza…”

 

“I was trying to help myself then,” Vegeta cut Goku off. “And I'm proud of it.”

 

Goku shrugged. “So Danny, let's untie you and see what can be done about this.”

 

Vegeta groaned. He watched Goku untying the skeleton. Then the newfound buddies headed off in the direction of the others. Vegeta stared after them then just decided to wait this foolishness out. Keeping a small ball of his ki for light, he walked back and sat down on the stairs.

 

Ten minutes later Kakarott and the skeleton appeared in the hall again. The moods did not seem high. Kakarott's shoulders were slumped and the skeleton…well, it looked more dead than usual.

 

“So how did the negotiations go?” Vegeta asked after Goku approached him.

 

Goku lowered his head. “No good. Timmy ran away as soon as he saw Danny. He was shouting for them not to let Danny get near him.”

 

“Aww…” Vegeta patted Goku on the shoulder. “Don't be so upset. You did everything in your power. Let's go home. NOW,” he added quite demandingly.

 

“We'll declare hunger strike!” Goku announced suddenly.

 

Vegeta looked at the pile of bones that was standing next to him. He turned back to Goku then inquired politely, “Are you stupid?”

 

His tail curling up into a question mark, Goku looked at Vegeta.

 

“Right. And why do I even ask?” sighed Vegeta. “Listen, Timmy doesn't like him, be he gay or straight. There's nothing you can do about it!”

 

“Alright, I understand. But this is so sad! So unfair!” Goku teared up. “Oh!” he exclaimed cheerfully, suddenly remembering. “You were saying something about home?”

 

Vegeta stared at Goku's bright face for a few seconds. After all these years he still could not get used to Goku's all-encompassing optimism. “Yes,” he nodded. “That flower is a scam. We should go home.”

 

“Ehh?” Goku drawled confused.

 

“It doesn't exist, Kakarott. The damn witch sent us to look for something that doesn't exist.”

 

“Why?”

 

Unexpectedly, Goku seemed to be genuinely interested, and Vegeta found himself looking for a convincing explanation that had nothing to do with the real reason.

 

“Hmm… Why, you ask… What was the reason…?” Vegeta wracked his brains. “Well… Like sightseeing, maybe?”

 

Goku's eyes sparkled. “Yes! I always wanted to see the pyramids! How nice of her! But…” he got confused then. “What about Yamcha?”

 

“Weeeelll…” Vegeta was seized by another spasm of frantic thinking. “It was hemorrhoids. Yes, hemorrhoids,” he confirmed, happy with his explanation. “After all, I had been kicking his ass through that apartment for a few minutes.”

 

“Oh, so he was just embarrassed!” Goku sighed in relief. “I was seriously worried about him. But he bled a lot, didn't he?”

 

“A serious case of hemorrhoids!” Vegeta said almost immediately. He scratched his cheek. His brains were squeaking with the effort. If Kakarott continued this cross-examination… “Kakarott, are you hungry?”

 

“Oh yes! Let's go back to the surface and eat something!” Goku agreed enthusiastically, his train of thought cut off and forgotten. He held out an oblong object in his hand. “Here, I found a candle in one of those chests. We can light our way out.”

 

Vegeta wasn't listening to him, he was already heading out of the hall and into the corridor. “Bye, Danny!” Goku turned around to wave at the skeleton. With a spark of his ki, Goku lit his candle. He did not see Danny's wider than usual eye sockets.

 

It went BOOM. The ceiling suddenly became...well, there suddenly wasn't a ceiling at all anymore. Just rubble and dust everywhere.

 

A few minutes later, when Goku's ears stopped ringing and his head spinning, he heard someone coughing and sniffling somewhere farther from him. He opened his eyes. He had his protective shield on. The round contours of it shimmered, even though it was completely dark everywhere.

 

“Kakarott!” Vegeta screamed.

 

Goku stuck his finger into his ear and twirled it around for a good measure. “Yeah?”

 

“Ah. So you are alive,” came Vegeta's now calm voice. “Good. Now I can kill you.”

 

“Whoops?” Goku tried.

 

“The fuck whoops!” Vegeta yelled. “You have just blown up the Sphinx!”

 

“…Ehh…whoops?” Goku tried again. Then he remembered. “Oh no. Daaannnyyyyy!”

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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