Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Unforgivable ❯ Unforgivable ( Chapter 53 )

Vegeta: YOU POSTED IT! TWICE! And then made arrangements to post it AGAIN!

Jewel: I know, I know. But, it's not in my head anymore.

Goku: That was just awful.

Jewel: It could have been worse.

Goku: *sighs* I know.

Vegeta: Just who was I supposed to be avenging, anyhow?

Jewel: *blinks* Uhhh… hey! I don't wanna get that pic back in my head! It would require a second chapter!

Goku: *wallops Vegeta upside the head* No more! Never mention it again.

Vegeta: BAKA!

Muse: *smirks, points at the posts*

Vegeta & Goku: *POUNCE*

Muse: *is undergoing extreme torture*

Jewel: He really should've stayed gone…

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I don't know what to do. These letters… I understand why, now, why he hurt me. Why he said he loved me, then started to beat me. But I… I love him, but I… I… I don't… I… can't… trust him. Not anymore. How can I? It's right here, right in front of me. In his own handwriting. He didn't trust me. I put my faith in him, gave him my love, my life, my loyalty… my everything… and he didn't trust me.

Why? Why Trunks? All that time…. How can I believe you? How can I trust you again? All this time, you've betrayed me… and I never even realized it. Never once thought that … I never thought.

Goten read the letters again, trying to understand how he could have stayed with Trunks so long and never known the other had no faith at all in him. Hadn't he hidden how he felt? Hidden his hurt and pain at the way he was treated so well that no one had known? Even Trunks hadn't learned for such a long time. The box didn't have any dates before his twenty-first birthday. Trunks hadn't known that the first time he'd started cutting himself was when he was sixteen… the first he'd known of it was Goten's twenty-first birthday.

A long time ago…

Goten placed the blade just so, pulled. The shallow cut pooled instantly, he carefully repeated the process on his other wrist. And decided there wasn't enough blood. He deepened the cuts, though he didn't make them any longer. He put the bloodied blade on the sink, knowing his mother would believe that he'd cut himself shaving… he'd never had to shave in his entire life…

A mirthless chuckle escaped as the blood ran down his wrists to drip into the sink. He'd left the faucet running, the blood was instantly swooshed away. "I guess I am alive. It's real… it hurts…"

Hands suddenly closed over his wrists, brief energy flaring to seal his wrists. He looked up at the mirror, met Trunks' furious, frantic eyes. "What do you think you're doing!"

"Oh, making sure I wasn't dead yet."

Trunks grabbed him, spun him to slam him back against the sink. He pulled Goten close, kissing him possessively. "Don't you do that! Not ever again! I need you. I love you. Promise me, Goten. Promise me."

He arched himself against Trunks instead, using every bit sensuality, sexuality that he had, molding his body to the older demi's. Trunks hadn't resisted at all when he'd gotten a fistful of hair and pulled him close, fastening his lips against the others. The resulting, frantic sex had been fabulous… and left Goten feeling even more empty than before when his lover left the party shortly after, with two girls he'd informed Goten he was going to take.

I know why now. Why he took them. He never did get me to promise… and I've fulfilled my promise to Vegeta. His fingers moved of their own accord, between the bed and the wall, to the little packet taped there. A shiny, new blade was lifted from the packet, it was replaced. He turned the blade, back and forth, back and forth, watching the light catch and reflect from it.

Does it matter any more? That he still says he loves me? Does it matter that I don't want to live without him? I'm not needed now. No one needs me. Kuro and Vegeta are taking care of Mother. Gohan… I don't think I even exist to him. Trunks doesn't need me… not really. He just… he just wants me to come back so he can hurt me. I don't need him to hurt me. I can hurt myself.

A thin line of blood followed the shallow trail the sharp blade sliced into his skin. He watched it well up.

"Do you really want to die, whelp?"

"I… don't know." Goten laid the blade on the nightstand, looked at the shallow cut. He'd had deeper paper cuts. "I… don't know what to do. What to believe. All this time… I never knew he thought he couldn't trust me. I… don't know what to think."

"Does bleeding help?" Vegeta entered the room, running his thumb over the small wound. "Do you think better if your blood is running?"

"Noo… I just…. He'll hurt me again. I don't need him to hurt me… I can do that myself!" The words were defiant, but his body cried defeat. Vegeta looked down at him, long suppressed compassion rising. He rested a hand on Goten's head for just a moment.

"I see that. But I… will not make your decision for you. You are much like your father… but my son is nothing like me. Don't… no."

"Don't what?"

Vegeta sighed. "Don't automatically think that because I'm gentle with your father, Trunks will be with you. He's got years of physical abuse ingrained as a habit. I merely insulted your father every chance I got."

"He'd smile and laugh it off, then go somewhere to be alone and cry. Abuse is abuse… it all hurts." He picked up the older letter, held it out. "Why?"

Vegeta took it, read over it swiftly. "You were easy to read. I knew he'd done as I told him the next time I saw you… you looked like a Saiyan who'd just lost a mate. I knew then what I'd told him was wrong. I'd seen what happens to a Saiyan who loses his mate - it isn't pretty."

Both glanced toward the door, faint smiles appearing on their faces when they caught each other looking. "Yes, your father is my mate now, in the proper Saiyan style."

"Proper… style?"

"Yes. You and Trunks aren't, I checked while I was taking care of you."

"Checked?"

Vegeta reclined in the chair at the end of the bed, and proceeded to educate Goten on Saiyan mating. The younger man's eyes got rather wide at one point, as Vegeta was describing in detail a portion of his mating with Kuroichi, but his attention never wavered. "Do you have any questions?"

"No… that's really physically possible?"

Vegeta snorted and ruffled the younger man's hair. "Kuroichi is an amazing lover." He got up and left the room, tail swaying lazily behind him.

Goten watched him leave, and spent a few dazzled minutes just contemplating the sheer sexual energy that Saiyan mating required. His expression darkened again as he turned his mind back to Trunks. He picked up the second letter, glancing through it for the part he remembered having read. We spent so many years in that twisted way of life, that I don't know that I wouldn't do something bad to you without even meaning to. I can't promise I wouldn't hurt you.

He traced those lines. Kuro said that… I would be stronger if I stopped hiding. I don't have to hide what I am anymore. Vegeta took care of that. He called me Trunks' mate, in front of everyone. He must have expected us to make it official that night… and instead…. Again he read a line or two. Trunks hadn't stopped hurting him after he'd moved in. I guess I thought that since your Dad wasn't having a problem with us being together, that maybe you'd tell everyone, that maybe things would have been like our first time. It hurt… but you didn't hurt me. Instead, living with you…

He shied away from the memories, his arms wrapping around his body. He bent forward, shivering, trying hard not to remember. But he couldn't forget. The nightmare of that time had visited him before; he choked back a sob now as he fought against the phantom pains they brought. He'd fought so hard to appear normal to Vegeta and Kuroichi, his mother, his friends. Except for Vegeta, who'd come to comfort him, everyone had been fooled. But even Vegeta hadn't known the extent of it.

The spars were harsh & furious. He'd never taken a full senzu after them, had never been completely healed. Broken bones had been partially mended, only to break later in the evening when Trunks would rape him. A sliver of bean would partially mend them again, and then the next spar.

Goten turned to face the wall, pulled the blankets up over his head, curling up. Korin had asked, once, why he was always needing beans. He'd made up some stupid excuse about being the Saiyan runt - and started rationing them. He still had to get beans more often than Vegeta or his father, and rationed them further. A quarter of a bean for a spar became an eighth, dropping continuously until he was taking the tiniest sliver that would heal him enough for people to not notice his hurts.

Before he'd moved in with Trunks, he'd had a week or two between visits, sometimes. He hadn't done anything beyond basic chores then, spending a lot of time resting in the forest willing his body to heal. But after moving in… there had been daily spars and nightly rapes. His remaining beans had been radically reduced - even after he'd reduced the amount of bean he ate. He'd had only two the night Vegeta had claimed he was Trunks' mate, and his last one he'd been fed the next morning when Trunks had… finished with him.

"How dare you?! You want to die so badly? Here, let me help! Maybe if I puncture a lung, you can quit breathing! Doesn't that sound fun, Goten? Isn't that what you want? Don't try and block me, you bastard! You want to die! Do you think I don't know what all that blood is from? It's yours, not the remains of some bloody dinner you decided to snack on on the bedroom floor! Take this! And this and this and let's not forget this! If you want to die, I'll help!"

Goten shivered. Those words hadn't hurt the most. No, it was the ones that came next. "I've done this for us, Goten, because you were too weak. Well, I guess you're too weak in too many ways. I don't want a weak lover, I want a strong one. You want to die, that's fine. You die. You kill yourself. Just make sure you get out of my house first. I don't want to come back from my trip and find your stinking carcass. Actually… even if you decide to live, get out. I don't want you here. I've wasted too many years on you."

Boot heels thumped across the floor. Something scraped, then the sound of the boots coming closer. He gagged on the bean the other thrust in his mouth. "I want you to remember this. I loved you. I really did. I loved you so much I even stood up to your mother for you… and all you did was try and kill yourself again."

Only now, curled in the small bed in his mother's home, did he remember the last thing Trunks had said as he'd left. "My father was right about you after all. You aren't good enough to mate."

Teeth pierced his lip as he fought against the tears that came. He'd forgotten that, lost in the numb haze that had overtaken him when he'd realized that Trunks was so angry with him he'd been willing to kill him himself. In the end, he just screamed. Screamed and screamed and screamed, unheard by anyone, because he'd learned how to be scream silently.

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Trunks: But… but… …

Jewel: Eh?

Vegeta: *is still examining the line about describing mating in detail*

Trunks: He'll hate me now!

Goten: I think you're right.

Trunks: NOOOO! Muse! Muse! I beg your forgiveness!

Vegeta: WHAT?

Goku: How could you say that, Trunks!

Trunks: But look what he's doing to Goten!

Goku: I meant to Go…. HOW DARE YOU BEG MUSE'S FORGIVENESS!

Goten: Oh, just for that I should definitely not choose you.

Trunks: *meeps*

Gohan: I thought I was supposed to make an appearance?

Trunks: *gets down on his knees and flings his arms around Goten's waist*

Trunks: NOOOO! I want to keep you!

Goten: *grins, pats purple hair* Okay.

Trunks: *all happy now, purring*

Vegeta: *shaking head in disgust*

Gohan: Um, my appearance?

Goku: *smiles at Truten*

Gohan: Hello? Anybody?

Jewel: Oh, hush. You pissed Muse off when you beat him up.

Gohan: WHAT ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO DAD?

Goku: *suddenly looks traumatized*

Vegeta: *scowls*

Jewel: He's planning to do more to your dad.

Goku: *looks more traumatized, whimpers*

Vegeta: *sighs, goes over, huggles Kakarot*

Goku: *melts*

Everyone else: *passes out from shock*

Now, how come on the Bardock special and just about any flashback involving Kakarot goes to Earth, he leaves just before the planet gets blown to HFIL, but Raditz shows up when Gohan's 5½ and says the planet blew up 3 years ago? (FUNI edit) *scowls* Highly inconsistent. Not to mention making for a hell of a long Vegetan year…