Earthian Fan Fiction ❯ Wrestling with Demons ❯ Part Six ( Chapter 6 )

Part Six

Kagetsuya stood frozen to the spot. //He thinks I find him repulsive.// A bitter laugh left his lips before he could stop it. All the signs, all the hints that Chihaya left about his feelings for him, came rushing back with clarity. He felt his heart pounding relentlessly in his chest.

Absentmindedly he rubbed the spot over his heart with his hand. //I'm not supposed to develop feelings for my partner. *Especially* if that partner is male. It goes against the laws in Eden.//

<<you aren't in Eden>>

//That doesn't make it right.//

Even awake, Kagetsuya still wrestled with the demon. Himself.

<<loving him *is* right>>

// I can't love him. It's impossible.//

<<but you do>>

He sagged against the refrigerator crossing his arms, hugging himself tightly.

//Oh, Chihaya. What do I do now?//

<<do the right thing>>

//And that is…what?//

<<love him>>

//I can't. It's selfish. It will destroy him. Eden will sentence us to death if they find out.//

<<if you don't, you are just hurting him. And yourself>>

//I would rather have him hurt, than dead. He will get over it. I will too.//

<<*that's* selfish, *and* for the wrong reason>>

He let his head fall back in tired resignation. Taking a deep breath, he walked deliberately to the bedroom door. Knowing what he should to do, what he needed to do, even if it meant destroying them both.

Knocking lightly, "Chihaya?" he said softly as he opened the door.

"Go away." Came the muffled voice. Chihaya was lying face down on his bed, his face buried in his pillow. Sobs wracked his small frame.

As Kagetsuya sat down on the bed next to him, Chihaya rolled on his side facing away and scooted next to the wall. He felt a gentle hand running along his back, stroking him. "I don't find you repulsive, Chihaya." Kagetsuya said softly.

"Yes, you do. Every one on Eden does. I'm a freak of nature." He sobbed. "No one could ever want me. I'm…ugly." He let out a shuddering breath. "I feel so alone."

"*I* think," Kagetsuya spoke soothingly, stroking the silky black locks, "you are the most beautiful angel in Eden and on Earth."

Chihaya rolled over onto his back, looking up at Kagetsuya with liquid violet eyes. "Please don't do this to me, Kagetsuya." Chihaya let out a pained sigh.

Watching the young angel chewing apprehensively on his lip made his heart seize in longing. Longing to hold him, to push back all the pain and hurt, to shut out the cruel world and surround him with love. *His* love.

Kagetsuya nodded. "And I want you. More than you could possibly know. So much, my whole body aches sometimes." He smiled tenderly at the confused look on the face of his little angel. "The demon I wrestle with in my dreams, Chihaya, is myself." His hands were shaking as he reached out and took a small pale hand in his. "I was afraid of telling you how I feel about you." Running his thumb over the knuckles, he raised them to his lips, touching them gently. "Afraid I would hurt you by loving you. Afraid I was just imagining, hoping you might feel the same about me. Afraid that you really might not return the feelings." He sighed. "This is dangerous ground we are treading."

He frowned when he realized that Chihaya's whole body was shivering, and that it was his fault. "I never wanted to hurt you like this. I never meant to make you feel unworthy or less than." Tracing his fingers along frail features, he explored the beautiful heart shaped face, drinking in its tearstained, shining perfection.

"I'm so sorry, Chihaya," he whispered softly. Giving the hand one final squeeze, he released it and shifted on the bed to move away.

"Wait." Chihaya rose to sitting, clutching desperately at his arms. "Please. Don't go. Don't leave." The need in his voice crushed any resistance Kagetsuya had. Chihaya's need echoed his own.

Kagetsuya lay down behind Chihaya, pulling him close, spooning him. "You have me, Chihaya. I will never leave you alone." Wrapping his arm around the frail waist, he held the black angel until Chihaya no longer shook and had slipped into a peaceful sleep.