Excel Saga Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Anime Infiltration Project: Act I Dog-Demon-Dayz ❯ Blood, Jealousy, and Tomato Soup ( Chapter 3 )

Excel: The Anime Infiltration Project

Act I : Demon-Dog-Dayz

 

Chapter 3

 

Squeeze, Squeeze-Squeeze, Squeeeze.

“Oh My! Excel is being fondled!” The high-squeeky voiced Excel pointed out rather bluntly.

“MIROKU!” SMACK Sango's swift hand dealt a mighty blow to Miroku's head that sent him sailing into the well where he landed at the bottom with a rather painful THUD.

“Hey lady, what was that for? Excel can't remember the last time she had her knobs squeezed.” Excel retorted rather bluntly as she lie there sprawled on the ground. Sango's cheeks flushed in embarrassment and awkwardness as she just stand there staring at the strange character that was Excel.

“Alright, enough of this. Just who are you guys?” Kagome stood stern, hands on hips, tapping her foot waiting for an explanation. Excel jumped to her feet with a salute.

“I am Senior Agent Excel of Across!” She shouted as she stood at attention.

“I am Junior Agent Hyatt of Across …” Hyatt sputtered as she forced herself to try and stand with kind of a half salute.

“HAIL IL PALAZZO!” They shouted in unison much to the already immense confusion of the pack.

“What in the HELL was THAT FOR!?” Miroku grunted as he climbed out of the well and sprawled out onto the ground rubbing his head. “Jealous much?” He accused Sango not really paying attention to actual conversation at hand. The already flustered Sango pretended not to notice, restraining the urge to wallop him again.

“Aiming for domination, we, the Ideal driving force organization ACROSS are the chosen path, under leader Lord Il Palazzo. I Excel hold the post of manager, staff officer, soldier, and toilet cleaner. Across main goal is to purify the icky-ness that has infested the city, err- the world!” Excel blurted out in a single breath. “For the Glory of Across!”

“HAIL IL PALAZZO!” The two of them shouted again. The rest of the pack just blinked in confusion.

“I don't know what she just said, but she's not right in the head.” Inuyasha remarked, regaining the attention of the no-longer-temporarily-distracted Excel.

“DOG-BOY!!!” She shouted and lunged after Inuyasha again.

“Oh no you don't!” Inuyasha had little time to respond before he found himself wrestling on the ground with Excel who seemed to have an uncanny attachment to his tenderly sensitive ears.

“Hey! Get off him!” Shouted an increasingly jealous Kagome as two of them began to find themselves in rather compromising positions.

 

“What's this?” Miroku asked as he noticed a book of pictures that had fallen from Excel's pocket. “Is this … us?” He asked flipping through the random pages of the manga. “Whoa, if I really looked like that I'd have tons of girls swooning over me for sure.”

“But you do look like that.” The faint voice of a recuperated Hyatt graced his ears making him blush.

“R-really?” He asked, getting a little nervous that she seemed to becoming awfully close to him. In his eyes she was quite pretty, but he highly hoped she wouldn't spew blood all over him again.

“Yes, quite dashing.” Hyatt said with a giggle hence boosting Miroku's already inflated ego. As Hyatt and Miroku seemed to be having a nice little awkward moment, Kagome was desperately trying to pull Excel (who was beginning to make rather naughty x-rated sounds for unknown reasons.) off of Inuyasha. A barrage of yelps was heard as a scared Menchi was being chased into the arms of Sango by an overly-playful Kylala.

“What IS going on?” An elderly voice called from a ways down the hill that seemed to temporarily break up the ruckus. It was Kaede being led by a worried looking Shippo who had gone to fetch her upon hearing Kagome scream and word of strange visitors. Excel, Kagome, and Inuyasha paused, heaped in a pile of strange positions they glanced up at Kaede the way children look at their parents when they know they've done something wrong.

“Howdy Grandma!” Excel greeted before returning her attention to the embarrassed dog-demon beneath her.

“And what matter of demon is this?” Kaede asked, ignoring the strange girl's slightly rude greeting.

“I don't know but she has a seemingly unlimited supply of energy.” Kagome responded.

“Stop this foolishness.” Kaede snapped as she grabbed Excel by the scruff of her uniform, heaving her off of Inuyasha. “What is your name child?”

“Classified …” Excel prominently defied as she crossed her arms across her chest … defiantly.

“Wait a minute; I thought you just said a moment ago that your name was Excel?” Sango interjected.

“Excel is my super secret codename for the super secret organization of across.” Excel blurted out stupidly as if correcting Sango.

“Across? And what about your friend?” Kaede asked peering over at Hyatt who seemed to have passed out again, this time in Miroku's lap. Miroku of course wasn't sure whether he should be turned on or extremely horrified as she seemed to be dead and bleeding in his lap.

“That's Hyatt, Sometimes-she-confuses-me-with-her-ladie-parts-but-then-she-ends-up-bleedin g-all-over-the-place-and-dying-at-inappropriate-moments-like-right-now-and- Lord-Il-Palazzo-sometimes-gets-pulled-in-by-her-calmly-evil-demeanor-but-we -all-know-deep-down-that-Excel-is-his-favorite-and-Excel-is-his-ever-faithf ul-follower-and”

“You'll have to excuse Senior, she tends to get excited.” A dreary voice called over from the half-corpse that was Hyatt.

“I see that.” Kaede responded before changing the subject. “Well we've seen our share of strange ordeals. After these many long years nothing really suprises me anymore.” Kaede said turning on heel to head back to her hut. “It's nearly time for lunch. I'd wager everyone would calm down if they got a decent meal in their stomachs.”

“FOOD!” Excel's ears perked at once and she almost immediately forgot her current ploy to ambush the Inu-youkai. “Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food, Food …” She chanted to herself as she mindlessly followed Kaede.

“Is this girl for real?” Shippo asked peering over Kaede's shoulder at the overly-energetic obsessively-strange blonde.

“Oh my, thank you for allow me to rest.” Hyatt's sweet voice called out to Miroku. “Sorry for staining your robes. I'll offer to clean them for you after we've had a bit to eat.”

“Well I ah … “ Miroku was taken aback at the fact that there was a pretty lady willing to do his laundry, as well as being so sweet and apologetic. He had half a mind to ask her to bare his children if it wasn't for the fact the he was scared to death of her frequent states of death and the bloody-mess she seem to make every couple minutes.

“There's no need for that … “ Sango interjected once more, with an heir of jealousy in her voice. “He's fully capable of doing his own laundry.” She snapped turning away from the two of them as both Menchi and Kylala nuzzled lovingly into her arms. “Besides your sick …” The group of the couldn't tell whether she was saying this because she was really concerned for Hyatt's health, or if she was becoming increasingly jealous of how close Hyatt seemed to be getting with Miroku. Even if she would never come out openly and state it, she always sort of felt like she should be the only one to hold Miroku's attention. Hyatt attempted to stand up, this time luckily succeeding without throwing up.

“Oh here, let me help you.” Miroku blurted out almost subconsciously, watching a woman in a weakened state. “You shouldn't over-exert yourself!” He said before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her. Inwardly praying for dear life that she wouldn't throw-up all over him again.

“Oh! Thank you very much, that's awfully sweet of you.” Hyatt responded with a slight giggle and a small stifled cough before resting into Miroku's arms. Sango was furious but pretended not to notice. Not wanting to admit that her anger was a product of jealousy.

 

 

 

“Somehow when Excel heard food she thought it would be a little more exciting than this. Hey Grandma could you kick it up with the spices a bit, this shit's kind of bland.” Excel ordered.

SMACK

“How dare you speak to Kaede like that.” Sango had thrown her bowl at Excel's head. “How ungrateful.”

“Yeah no one's forcing you to eat it.” Inuyasha added.

“Wow you hit hard lady not-as-hard-as-our-lord-and-master-Il-Palazzo-but-pretty-close-he's-always-punishing-me-because-I-mess-up-all-the-time-but -Excel-thinks-tha-he-only-does-it-because-he's-madl- in-love-with-Excel-and-pain-is-just-one-of-the-many-ways-that-he-shows-his- affection-or-even-perhaps-he's-warming-Excel-up -for-the-kinky-fun-time-he-has-in-store-for-her-after-we-take-over-the- world.” The room went quiet as everyone sat there blinking in confusion. Hyatt however decided to suddenly break the silence.