Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone ❯ Once Bitten, Twice Shy ( Chapter 3 )

FAKE

Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone

by Lady Dragonphire

Summary: When Dee suffers amnesia after sacrificing himself to save Ryo from a terrible accident, can Ryo overcome his shyness and win back the love of his life before it's too late for their love?

Disclaimer:  FAKE and its characters are the property of Sanami Matoh.

WARNING:  The character's reactions might be slightly out of character when faced with traumatic events, but then again one never really knows how one will act when confronted by inescapable tragedy.

WARNING: Angst/ mild Lime

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Chapter 3. Once Bitten, Twice Shy

(Great White)

"Come in," the familiar sound of Dee's voice was like music to Ryo's ears. "The door's open."

Ryo took one last deep breath and pushed open the door, revealing the gorgeous ebony-haired man who resided in the bed. Dee was propped up against the pillows and reading a sports magazine that he had managed to charm one of the nurses into bringing him from the waiting room. Even in this condition, Dee still took his breath away. Only the bandages on his head and face and the angry bruises on the exposed flesh of his muscular arms betrayed the illusion that Dee was as he had always been before the accident.

Piercing emerald green eyes drunk him in intently, making Ryo look away and blush shyly as he slowly wheeled himself into the room. After knowing Dee all this time, Dee still had an intoxicating effect on him. Ryo couldn't resist falling under the spell of the other man's charms. `Wow, he's hot stuff,' Dee thought as he took in the sight of the handsome blond who was now getting up and walking towards him, his magazine lying open on his lap, now forgotten. `Here I am, all banged up, and getting a visit from an angel. I must have done something good to deserve this.' When Dee flashed Ryo his sexiest smile, it was all Ryo could do not to melt into the floor right there and then. Willing his shaky legs not to give out, his heart was filled with joy as he settled for melting into Dee's arms instead.

Dee let out a small gasp of surprise when Ryo's arms lovingly encircled him in a gentle hug, Ryo being careful not to put too much pressure on Dee's bruised body. Dee froze slightly at the initial touch from Ryo, but then hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other man's back, pulling him tighter against his body and sensing his unspoken need to be comforted by the raven-haired man. Ryo began to sob against Dee's neck, his body shaking slightly from trying to hold back his tears. "Oh Dee," he murmured. "I'm so glad you're alive. I was so afraid that I'd lost you. You don't know how worried I was." As he continued to sniffle and hold onto Dee as if for dear life, Dee rubbed his hands in small circles over Ryo's back soothingly and tried in vain to search his memory as to who this man who obviously cared for him so much was.

When Ryo eventually pulled back from Dee and smiled up at him through tear-drenched eyes, Dee brought Ryo's hand up in his own and glanced at the other patient's hospital identification bracelet that read `Randy McLean'. That's right; Dr. Black did tell him that that was his partner's name and that he had also been involved in the accident.

"Hi Randy; are you okay? Dr. Black told me that you were with me in the car when the accident occurred," Dee said, playing his hunch. A puzzled expression crossed Dee's face at the look of unmistakable hurt that flickered in Ryo's expressive eyes. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked in concern.

"No, it's nothing," Ryo said quickly, replacing the look of anguish with one of unconvincing reassurance. It had just startled him to hear Dee use his American name, Randy. He was so used to Dee calling him by his more intimate Japanese name, Ryo. It was a gentle reminder that the man who meant so much to him was forever changed. Suddenly feeling a bit awkward at his display of emotions, Ryo backed away slightly and folded his hands in front of him. "I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. If you wouldn't have reacted as you did, who knows what the outcome may have been," he said gratefully, not letting on that he would have gladly switched places with Dee so that his partner didn't have to endure this heart-wrenching suffering.

"Oh, well no problem. I'm sure that you would have done the same for me, partner," Dee said, gazing deep into Ryo's expressive dark eyes. So that's it. It was nothing more than an emotional show of gratitude. For a moment there he had thought from the way the man had held onto him that his feelings ran deeper than he showed on the surface. But that was wishful thinking. Dee had to focus on the reality of the situation. For all he knew, Ryo probably was already involved with someone and had a significant other. He could not let himself be fooled by unsubstantiated evidence when he wasn't sure if he could even trust his own instincts right now.

Ryo was amazed that Dee's statement had been exactly what he had been thinking. Even if Dee had no past memories of him, Dee still shared the unbreakable underlying bond between them that offered further proof to Ryo that they were meant for each other as so much more than partners. But how many things had changed between them and how much was the same? Only time would tell.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and a delivery girl walked in. "Mr. Laytner?" she asked, holding a large floral arrangement and looking in the general direction of the two handsome men who were both wearing pajamas and hospital bracelets questioningly.

"Uh, yeah, that's me," Dee said, as Ryo subconsciously moved further away from the bed, to Dee's dismay. The girl walked over and set them on the bedside table before smiling politely and walking out of the door.

"Wow, those are beautiful," Ryo observed as he took in the arrangement of white carnations and red roses accentuated by a sprig of baby's breath and a single green fern.

"Yeah they are," Dee agreed. "I wonder who they're from?" he asked, surveying the flowers. "Oh, there's a card that came with them," he said, plucking it out from the plastic holder under a carnation. "Could you read it to me, Randy?" he asked, secretly hoping that Ryo would come closer to his bedside.

"Uh, sure," Ryo said, curious himself as to who would send Dee the very beautiful and obviously very expensive arrangement. Dee shifted slightly on the bed, making room for Ryo to sit and patted it invitingly. Ryo blushed adorably and moved over to sit on the bed next to Dee, shivering slightly as his heart began to beat faster at the close proximity of the charismatic raven-haired man. Taking the small envelope out of Dee's hand as he brushed against Dee's fingers lightly, he opened it and read, "Get well soon, Dee-senpai. I miss you and every day that I don't see you only makes my heart pine for you more with each passing hour. I'll love you forever. Yours always, JJ." Ryo broke off in shock as he let the card drop out of his shaking hands and fall to the floor. He fell silent, staring straight ahead as if in a trance.

Dee's voice broke him out of his stunned silence. "….Randy, who is this JJ? Is he or she my lover?" Dee waited patiently for Ryo to respond.

Finally finding his voice, Ryo replied, "He's another officer at the 27th precinct. He's…"

Just then, he was interrupted by a soft knock on the door followed by Dr. Black returning from her trauma consultation in the ER. With an apologetic smile at the two men, she said, "Sorry to interrupt, but your five minutes is up, Randy. I just have to take Dee to get a CAT scan so that we can get an update of how he's doing and alter his treatment accordingly." She handed Dee a consent form to sign to allow her to do the procedure.

"Oh, that's no problem," Ryo said, still distracted from JJ's obvious display of affection and the implied possibility that its true meaning could be misunderstood in Dee's condition. With a reluctant sigh, he sat down in the proffered wheelchair from another nurse who had entered the room. He could always finish his conversation with Dee later. Right now it was important that his partner get examined so that the doctors could find out the extent of the damage his brain had sustained from the accident. "Bye, Dee…… see you sometime later today?" Ryo ventured hesitantly as the nurse pushing his wheelchair paused just inside the doorway of Dee's room.

"Yeah," Dee said, a warm smile spreading across his handsome face. "I'd like that. Thanks for coming to visit, Randy," Dee added, looking so alluring that Ryo could not help but blush under his intense gaze.

As his emerald eyes still remained locked on the figure of the retreating blond, Dr. Black observed the raven-haired patient with a smile. "He really cares for you a lot, you know," she remarked with a searching look in her eyes, trying to gauge Dee's reaction to her implied deeper meaning. "He was so worried about you that he didn't eat or sleep for days."

"Yeah, I kinda got that impression," Dee said with a faraway look in his deep green eyes. He had sensed Ryo's reluctance to talk about his actions concerning the incident from anything other than a work-related perspective, despite him obviously wanting to say something more. He was beginning to wonder just how close he was to his partner. If he didn't have romantic feelings for Ryo before, he certainly could sense an underlying attraction to the kind-hearted gorgeous blond now. If only he could remember! However, some things just couldn't be put into words - they had to be felt from the heart. Dr. Black helped Dee into a wheelchair and pushed him towards the elevator, the ebony-haired man still lost in thought.

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The nurse wheeled Ryo down the hall, and rounding a corner, pushed open the door to his room before depositing him inside, frowning when she noticed the drawn worried look upon his usually contemplative face. "Was the visit too much for you? Are you sure you're okay?" she asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired," Ryo said, grateful for the hand that she offered to him. He pulled himself up, bracing his other hand against the wheelchair and leaned on her for support as they walked over to the bed. She pulled down the covers and he climbed into the bed, sighing as she pulled the covers over him, tucking him in. He really was exhausted - more than he had let on. Despite his worried state of mind, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, indicated by the gentle rhythm of his breathing accentuated by the rise and fall of his chest. He was just too physically exhausted and his body had shut down his mind momentarily. The nurse smiled and turned out the lamp on the bedside table, motioning for the other nurse who had just entered with Ryo's dinner to just leave it next to the bed so that he could eat it when he woke up.

Ryo awoke two hours later with a scream, sweat drenching his trembling form. His dark eyes flew open and he sat up in bed, gasping for breath and sobbing uncontrollably, still wracked by the nightmares of the repercussions of the accident that plagued his every waking thought. In the dream, Dee had died in the car accident. Ryo kept shouting his name repeatedly and clung onto his lifeless body, but all his efforts to rouse Dee back to life were to no avail. Even though Ryo knew that in reality Dee was alive, in essence, the Dee he knew had died. He didn't know how to deal with the ever-present possibility that haunted his thoughts that things would never be the same. `Why - why did he and Dee have to go through this? Was it the ultimate test of their relationship even though they had gone through so much already? Could they triumph over this and remain together?' he wondered. He was feeling so lonely and alone right now. Before, Dee had always been the one he went to talk to when he was feeling sad or upset about something. The ebony-haired man could always offer some comforting words of advice or insight about a problem, along with some physical reassurance. Ryo's sobs momentarily subsided as he gingerly placed his fingers upon his lips, thinking about Dee's gentle kisses that were so sweet and addicting. He missed the comfort of Dee's embrace, the feeling of completeness that he experienced wrapped within Dee's strong loving arms, and Dee's subtle hints of offered temptation from his sexy emerald eyes that emanated his physical desire for Ryo. The man definitely knew how to comfort him however and whenever he needed it, even if Ryo did not know that he was in need of comfort himself. It was as if they shared one mind, one always knowing what the other was thinking or feeling. God, he missed that most about Dee. He missed having the one person who understood him most in this cruel world - he missed his soulmate.

Hearing a scream from down the hallway, a nurse had hurried in the direction of Ryo's room. Upon entering, the erratic beeping of the machine monitoring Ryo's heart offered further evidence that something was very wrong with the patient. Running to the bedside, she saw the terrified look in Ryo's eyes as he looked up at her, silently, pleadingly, hopelessly desperate for some kind of reassurance or comfort as tears streamed down his face. Her heart went out to the gorgeous man who was apparently being consumed by overwhelming heart-wrenching pain and she held his hand and rubbed his back reassuringly. This only made him put his other hand over his eyes and sob harder as he realized that that was what Dee used to do to him if he ever had a nightmare in the middle of the night. Then Dee would pull him close until the steady beating of Dee's heart would calm him down and he would fall asleep melted against Dee's chest, Dee's muscular arms holding him close as if he would never let him go.

"Randy," the nurse said firmly. As Ryo's sobs subsided and he unveiled his eyes to focus on who had spoken his name, she spoke again. "Randy, you have to listen to me. These constant nightmares are not healthy for your personal recovery. You are not helping yourself heal by continuously thinking about what could have happened. There is no way either of you could have avoided that accident, so don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control. What Dee did was his choice and his choice alone. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

As the truth of her words sunk into his semi-conscious mind, Ryo nodded slowly and looked up at her. "Thanks," he said gratefully. "I-I'll try to think of it that way," he added, managing a brave smile as she still looked at him in concern.

"Maybe if you talked to someone about how you feel instead of keeping it all bottled up inside you might be able to cope with the situation better. You do not have to deal with this alone. Others are here to help you, Randy. All you have to do is ask," she said, glad to see that the patient had finally calmed down somewhat.

"Thanks - I'll keep that in mind," Ryo said, practically collapsing against the pillows in his physically and emotionally awakened state, his food from earlier today still on his bedside table, untouched.

"For right now though, it's important that you get some rest. Would you like me to give you a sedative that will help you sleep?" she asked, indicating the bottle that she had brought with her.

"Yes please," Ryo consented. At this point, he was willing to try anything to help stop the constant nightmares. Seeing Dee today had helped alleviate his guilt temporarily, but in the end it only reminded him of what he couldn't have. He was lonely without Dee by his side and he wondered if he could continue to be so strong on the surface when he was around Dee and then resort to collapsing from sheer physical exhaustion nightly. He wondered how long he could keep up this pattern of concealing his despair.

As the nurse poured Ryo a glass of water to take the medication with, she said, "Goodnight, Randy. This should allow you to sleep soundly for the whole night. Push the red button by the side of your bed if you need anything," she added as she walked out the door, giving Ryo a reassuring smile.

"Thank you," Ryo called after her weakly, lying back against the pillows and closing his weary eyes. Within minutes, his breathing had become steady and he was involved in a deep, peaceful, much-needed dreamless sleep. It was his first real night of sleep since the accident, and his first night of sleep without being held in Dee's arms.

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In the room around the corner and down the hall, Dee had just finished the slice of pizza that he had managed to entice one of the nurses to bring him from the hospital employee lounge so that he would not have to eat the unappetizing hospital food that lay untouched on his bedside table. The stunningly handsome raven-haired man had managed to attain quite a fan club amongst the staff of nurses, and when he offered an unassuming smile, they acquiesced to his every whim. However, he did not make unreasonable demands. He just liked to have someone to talk to and occasionally flirt with. It helped take his mind off of the unbearable emptiness he felt inside of not knowing who he was. As he popped in the movie they had rented him in the VCR, his mind wandered to the visit from the other patient that he had had earlier today. Randy McLean. His partner. Even now, in his amnesiatic state, he felt a strong compelling attraction to the shy blond. He could sense that they had a deep connection. He really wanted to visit with him again and talk to him more. Dee glanced at the clock on the wall. Didn't Randy say that he was going to come back and visit him after Dee had returned from his CAT scan? It was 8:45 pm, and he knew that "lights out" time for the patients was in fifteen minutes. The nurses overlooked it as long as the patients were in their own rooms, but the strict hospital policy at the police hospital warranted that everyone was accounted for in their own rooms by nine. Oh, well. He would probably see the other man tomorrow, after his meeting with a neurospecialist to discuss the results of the day's tests. He turned off the movie that he had been staring at absentmindedly and lay back with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. With the announcement that came over the loudspeaker that it was now 9:00, Dee reluctantly turned out his light and lay back against the pillow. With a sigh, he accepted the truth that it was obvious that his partner wasn't coming to see him. He didn't realize just how disappointed he was until a single stray tear trickled down his cheek. He had never felt so utterly alone.

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