Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Portrait Without Sin ❯ Mind's Eye of Ryo (Part 2) ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: FAKE, nor any of it's characters belong to me…* sigh *… those rights all belong to Sanami Matoh.

Warning: Not your 'nice' everyday fanfic of your favorite couple. Very strong language / Humiliation (depending on how you look at it) / Angst / Lime, Lemon / Yaoi

Summary: How would it be if the one person you trusted with your heart was found to have betrayed it? Seeing him there, with… 'him' was nearly more than he could bare. He never thought that he would do something like this. He never thought that he would be betrayed by him.

Yes, the character's might seem a little out of character, but then how would you react?

Take above Warning seriously.

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Italicized words or apostrophes ' ' = stressed emphasis

Bold Italicized within apostrophes 'like this' = thoughts

********** = skips of moments, time, views, and such

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Portrait Without Sin

By: Ryoan

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Part 5: Mind's Eye of Ryo (Part 2)

How many times had he replayed that message? Just to hear his voice. Five, seven times, maybe, before Bikky walked in the door from school?

***********

So it had been Dee's presence that he had sensed when he entered the apartment, and so it must have been him that had taken the VCR. It was his after all, having brought it along with his other stuff when he moved in there.

Wondering what else Dee had taken, his feet lead him toward the bedroom.

It didn't look much different than that morning, although the closet door was slightly ajar, but the drawers were all slid shut. Then he noticed that the picture he had of the two of them, on the dresser, was gone. It gave him a jolt of surprise, but in a way that he was glad. It meant that Dee must still have some feelings about them to have taken it. Maybe that was a show of some hope, at least.

But his optimism was briefly lived as he spied the picture frame on the bed, face down. The comforter looked as if someone had sat upon it, having crinkled its smoothness.

Dee.

He must have been sitting on their bed, staring at the picture as he contemplated…… what? Him? Their relationship? Himself? All of the above? How long had he been there? Probably nearly the whole time he was gone from work -- from morning until the afternoon -- but how long had he been sitting on the bed just…… thinking?

Ryo had reached over to retrieve the frame; wondering with still a faint hope that he had taken the picture at least. Yet that answer soon became evident when he lifted it up and saw the two of them smiling. Dee's arm was slung over his shoulders, and a cocky smirk, which he would have when he was being mischievous about something, adorned his face. He held his fist up with his thumb stuck up in the air. Ryo was there smiling in the picture too, his one hand was against Dee's chest, having smacked him with the back of it over some smart ass remark he had just made, while his other hand was clasped around the wrist of the arm around him.

Ryo noticed that there was a smudge track down the pane of glass, which he knew hadn't been there before, and it wasn't the blur of a simple print of a finger either. He frowned at first, tracing a finger down over the path of it, puzzled as to what it might be. Then a sudden realization dawned that… perhaps… Dee had been… crying... at the time he had been studying it.

His heart tore at him within his chest as that image of Dee came to mind. He had been so angry the day he left, and to imagine him sitting there crying brought tears to his own eyes at the hurt that he had unwittingly caused the man that loved him.

Setting the picture down on the dresser, he began opening the drawers one by one that were Dee's section for clothing; wiping away tears with the back of his hand. All his socks and underwear were gone, except the pair of dark blue silk boxers. He remembered coming across them at the department store one day, and bought them just as a surprise present. He had loved the feel of the raw silky material and thought about his dark haired partner in them and… well, he didn't think twice to buy them.

Another drawer revealed a couple of tee-shirts left behind.

Moving over to the closet, Ryo opened it to find nearly half of it empty. Dee's pants, good shirts, sweaters, pullovers, shoes…… they were mostly all missing as well. Mostly, meaning that there were still a few items that were his which still remained.

As he took stock in what was there, Ryo had came to the haunting awareness that what items were left were things that he had given Dee for one occasion or another. Holiday presents, birthday gifts…… all of the things left had a connection to him. They were what Dee meant as 'anything that wasn't important.'

With a painful twist in the pit of his stomach, he went into the bathroom and found all Dee's personal grooming items were gone. Everything except for his electronic razor that still sat at the corner edge of the sink. Ryo had given it to Dee at Christmas, and the man had been so excited over it that he ran and took a shower just to try it out. He loved it, using it most all the time when he shaved, but now it sat as a lonely reminder of just how much Dee was shutting him out of his life.

Gripping the edge of the sink, Ryo leaned against it with his head bowed, his knuckles turning white.

How long he had stood there, he wasn't sure, but finally he had lifted his head only to find his own mirror image staring back at him. The evidence of his own pain was clearly visible.

"……I'm glad that you're so ashamed that you can't stand yourself……" Dee's words repeated themselves in his head.

His eyes lowered from his own reflection.

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Dee. That wasn't my intention."

************

Ryo had gone back out to where the answering machine was and played the messages again. He grimaced as he listen to what Armon had left, putting himself in the Dee's stead. That decisive click at the end had to have been Dee cutting him off.

Leaning an arm against the wall, he cushioned his forehead with it as he stood there next to the machine. Would it have made a difference if he hadn't heard? Had he came there to grab some change of clothing until he heard Armon's message?

His mouth curved into a rueful smile. He knew that was just wistful thinking. By the way the entire week had gone, he knew that Dee had came there for the purpose of getting all his things. At least, that which was important to him…… just nothing relating to him. Hearing the message probably just made him distance himself all that much more. And thinking about how the man had been in and out of the office that day, he figured that was pretty much true.

Ryo had listened repeatedly to the message Dee had left, mostly just to hear the sound of his lover's voice, but each time a painful stab was made through his heart as he heard him say, "……that boyfriend of yours…", "Goodbye, Ryo……" He had put so much finality of their relationship upon it.

"Dammit, Armon, I told you not to call here!"

************

The following work week rolled around to greet a kempt, but less than rested, blondish-brown haired detective.

The nearing late morning hour had found Ryo sitting at his desk, trying to fill out some of his own much needed paper work, but his mind wouldn't stay focused on the task at hand. It kept wandering to thoughts of a certain dark haired, green eyed man that was only about ten feet away from him. Even though he could not see him, Ryo could feel Dee's nearness.

He had allowed his mind to drift off again when there was a resolute click upon the top of his desk which startled him out of his thoughts. He turned rich brown eyes to the side where he saw something small and silver placed next to him. A long, olive skinned finger and thumb pressed against the object several seconds as if giving emphasis to the deliberateness.

Unable to tear his gaze away, even to glance up at the person standing next to him, chocolate eyes stared, mesmerized, as the lean finger slid over the length of the object, slowly revealing the key that had been place there, before it lifted away.

Ryo had continued to stare at the key on his desk a few seconds longer, his lips parting with a inaudible gasp, before lifting his head to lock his gaze upon the cold emerald eyes staring back down at him.

"D-Dee…"

The tall handsome man remained silent as he continued to watch the splay of emotions that was so evident upon the other's face.

"W-What's this…" Ryo questioned, even though he already knew what it was. The key to their apartment. He snatched it up, moving with the intent of getting up himself, when his partner took a step back from him.

Spreading his hands out, Dee Laytner gave a shrug as he said, "I won't be needing it anymore. Thought you might want to give it to your 'new friend'."

Ryo finished standing, his denial of this act gave way to his voice, and he grounded out, "I don't want to give it to Armon!"

"Hey," Dee raised his hands up near his chest with the palms pointing toward Ryo. "Do whatever. Just thought to give it back."

"I don't want it back!"

"Like I said, 'Do whatever'." While Ryo had been off guard, Dee added another blow. "I want the key back to my car."

************

Standing there, he had leaned his back against the file cabinets in the office. His hands were down inside the front of his pockets as he kept his head bent forward slightly. The tousle of sandy blond bangs faintly hid the dark eyes that stared intently at the floor; a flushing hotness burned across his cheeks. The tight clamp he had upon his mouth wasn't as much to keep himself from saying anything as it was actually to keep himself from crying like a little baby in the presence of the other two men. And on top of that, he felt like a child having been sent to the principle's office.

He was in trouble. Pretty serious trouble if Dee wanted to get spiteful and decide to get back at him, as retaliation for the pain and suffering of the wrong he believed he had done to him. The thing of it was, Dee would be in the right if he decided to do so.

He was so stupid doing what he had. He was in the mess of his life already, and he just seemed to somehow keep digging the hole deeper.

"Do you want to press charges?" The commissioner's voice was smooth and calm, although a bit held back as he directed his question at Dee.

There was a pause; not very long, but to Ryo at that moment felt like it was several minutes, if not nearly forever, waiting for the boom to fall like a ton of bricks.

"No, sir." finally came the response.

Even though there was a measure of relief, Ryo did not look up from the spot that he was burning into the flooring with his gaze. All he wanted to do was to throw his arms around the man not more than five feet away and tell him how sorry he was, but not because he was declining to press charges.

There was another long and unnerving pause that filled the room as the wire-framed, piercing eyes of the commissioner, Berkley Rose, shifted his gaze from one to the other. Leaning back in his chair, he resting his elbows on the side arm, and folded his hands together. His forefingers pointed upward and were pressed against his lips in serious contemplation.

"Is there something," he said with deliberate slowness. "that needs to be brought out and addressed here?"

Ryo remained silent, leaving Dee to answer instead.

"No, sir." came the surprising response.

Keeping the same level tone, Berkley Rose continued. "Do I take it, then, that things are settled between the two of you?"

"Yes, sir," Dee responded again.

"Good. As much as I love the fit of angst between the two of you, I suggest you keep that kind of personal problems outside the precinct. Both of you are officers of the law,... actually, my best ones at that... and I expect you to conduct yourself as such. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Dee said again, starting to acquire a slight agitation to his tone.

"Officer MacLean, your input is required also."

"Yes, sir." he nodded and responded quietly, still not glancing up.

"Is there anything else," Dee spoke up. "sir?"

"No. That's all for now."

Dee did an abrupt turn and left immediately, but Ryo couldn't seem to make his legs move to follow him out the door. He heard the shifting sounds of the chair against the floor then the commissioner's voice a bit closer as he moved around to the front of the desk to take a leaning stance there on the edge of it.

"You surprise me, MacLane. You of all people." Rose folded his arms across the front of his chest. "I'd expect something like that from that crass-assed Laytner,… but you? Go home. Pull yourself together, and if you're not any better tomorrow don't come in. You're off the hook for now. I won't even make note of this. Just don't let it happen again. Things won't be so lenient next time. You got that?"

Ryo nodded.

"Go on. Get out of here. As much as I'd like to keep you here, I've got other things to attend to right now."

Managing to push himself away from the cabinet, Ryo walk to the door, but just as his hand took hold of the door knob, Berkley's voice sounded behind him once more.

"Oh, and by the way, there's a new guy coming into the precinct tomorrow. A Derek Manners. I was going to have Ted partner up with him, but in the light of things, for the time being, I'm pairing him up with Dee instead to show him the ropes around here."

Ryo tightly gripped the cold metal in his hand as a sharp intake of breath was made; then a sudden stillness overcame his movements, even though his mind was screaming, 'NO!'

"So be prepare when you do return. That's not a request, MacLean, it's on order."

Ryo didn't answer him as he jerked the door open and walked out.

He had felt sick as he closed the door behind him. Where had things gone so wrong?

'The day you met Armon.' The voice in his head piped in.

'No,' another conscientious tune spoke up. 'The day you decided to keep a secret. The day you started going off to Armon's.'

It had all been so innocent, thinking that he could sneak away to head over to Armon's, thinking he could get away with what he was doing. Until Dee walked in. He knew his lover had a jealous streak. Why he ever thought that he wouldn't trigger it off, he would never know.

Now, they would be separated even more.

Walking over to his desk, he ripped a piece of paper from the notepad. It was as good a time as any to do this, he thought, scribbling upon the slip.

Tossing the pen down with a clatter as it hit the surface of the desk, he snatched up the paper he had written upon and folded it twice. Grabbing his jacket as he turning on his heel, he moved over to Dee's desk, half surprised that the other man remained seated.

Standing at the corner, Ryo placed the folded note upon the desk, and pushed it across to him by a finger.

Wearily he said, "You left a message saying that if anything was missing, to leave you a note and you'd return it."

He saw the green eyes glance at the scrap of paper, but the man did not make a move to pick it up and read it right then, nor did he shift his gaze up to his. In fact, Dee didn't say or do anything but sit there staring at it.

Ryo felt too exhausted to even attempt to beseech him further, and anyway, it was too soon for the flames to have calm down enough to not stir them up again. Neither of them needed another bout as before.

Stepping away, he headed toward the door, hooking his jacket over a shoulder.

"Ryo," the deep familiar voice called out, causing him to stop and glance around. "My key."

Resigned to not putting up another display, he shifted his jacket to his other arm and dug into his pocket where he had stuffed his keys at. Pulling the object out, he tossed it over to the dark haired man who caught it out of the air in his fist.

Without another word, he continued toward the door, not seeing the dark haired man pick up the slip of paper he had left. He did not see him read what was on it, nor that he crumbled it up and threw it into the waste basket. And he was out the door before tanned fingers uncurled around the object that was tossed to him, revealing the silver key. The same silver key that he had given back to him. The key to the apartment.

************

He had gone back to work the next day, thinking that he might as well face it up front, but he should have just stayed home until all the adieus were made concerning the new guy. It was like a knife being stabbed into him as he watched Dee shake hands with him, chatting easily as if nothing else was going wrong in the world, as if he didn't have a partner that wanted more than anything to be standing there in the new guys place.

He was glad that they finally left the room. He was able to release the breath that had constricted in his chest all those long moments of introductions and greetings. Yet it didn't quell the ache in his heart of seeing Dee leave with someone else… leave with another partner.

Thoughts of his own first meeting with Dee came to mind, and he wondered if he would be as boisterous with this new guy as he was with him.

Then he heard Dee's deep strident laugh.

Life was cruel indeed.

He thought those first few days were nearly unbearable, but they were nothing compare to the agonizing slowness each moment brought as each one passed without Dee. Not only did he not have the one he loved at home, but he no longer had him as a partner at work either.

How he made it through the remainder of the work week, he wasn't sure, but he had without too much incident. He had not seen much of Dee since that day either, as both of them where in and out of the office on calls for one thing or another -- he being teamed up with Ted now. It left little time to try and connect with him, and then there was always that new guy around with him too.

************

Adjusting his position, Ryo laid down in the bed, pulling a pillow around so that he could both lay his head on it and throw his arm over it as if he were holding someone. Dee's sweater crushed in-between.

"I miss you so much, Dee. Please, come back home soon." he murmured quietly as tears slid out from beneath closed lashes.

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I hope that these last two chapters weren't too hard to read. I know I used a mixture of past and present words. The times I wrote parts of 'he had', 'Ryo had', and such were times I wanted to have it reminded that Ryo was thinking of those events that had happen over the course of the past two weeks. I used a lot of he and him to refer to Ryo too, which is again from his point of thinking of himself. Hope I pulled it off to read well enough for you. Thanks for reading so far.

To Those that made reviews: sinencirce, wakinyan, green clover, and, yes, neinusan… I very much Thank You. Hope that you enjoyed this latest chapter as well.

Sorry sinencirce and wakinyan, your reviews were lost when the story got deleted a few days ago. I've had to reload all the chapters.