Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Portrait Without Sin ❯ You Still Love Me? ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: FAKE, nor any of it's characters belong to me…* sigh *… those rights all belong to Sanami Matoh.

Warning: Not your 'nice' everyday fanfic of your favorite couple. Very strong language / Humiliation (depending on how you look at it) / Angst / Lime, Lemon / Yaoi. Rating will tend to go up in later chapters.

Summary: How would it be if the one person you trusted with your heart was found to have betrayed it? Seeing him there, with… 'him' was nearly more than he could bare. He never thought that he would do something like this. He never thought that he would be betrayed by him.

Yes, the character's might seem a little out of character, but then how would you react?

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Quota tion marks "." = talking

Italics, apostrophe marks 'like this' = thoughts to oneself.

*********** = skips of moments, time, views of people, and such

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Portrait Without Sin

By: Ryoan

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Part 12: You Still Love Me?

Shutting the bathroom door, Dee turned back toward Ryo, who was still drying himself off. He stood like a sentinel watching over golden-brown haired man, which earned him a couple of narrowed glances. When he was through, Dee took the damp towel from his hands and tossed it on top of the hamper. Lips parted as a ready protest was at the tip of Ryo's tongue, when a pair of underwear was shoved toward him.

Snatching the briefs away, he stepped into them, swaying a little as he lifted his leg, but managed to pull them up with an unsteady grace. Next came his pants, or rather his pajama bottoms, which Dee held down and open for him to step into this time.

"I don't need your help." Despite the heat of the words in protest, Ryo's voice remained low.

"And I don't need you to fall over and crack your head open. That maniac brat out there would just love a reason to try and kick my ass from here to kingdom come."

Murmuring in the lowest tone possible, Ryo said, "He's not the only one."

Dee didn't say anything to suggest that he had heard, but he did suggest. "Put your hand on my shoulder to steady yourself."

"I don't…"

"Do it, or you'll be putting them on sitting down."

The hand landed with nearly a stinging slap, but at least Ryo had done what he was told - again - and stepped into his bottoms; keeping each foot raised long enough so that the pant bottoms could be pulled clear of his foot. Olive skinned hands then pulled the waist band of the material up over his hips. It didn't go unnoticed that the band was a bit looser than usual and hung a little lower.

Last came his shirt, and Ryo didn't even bother to make an objection -- knowing it was a lost cause anyway. He just shoved his arms into the sleeves of the held out night shirt and stood there, with his arms limply at his sides, as he allowed - Ha! - Dee to button up the front.

"There." The man said a bit proudly as he stepped back from him. "All done."

"Gee, thanks," came the dry retort of the now dressed man.

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Ryo walked on his own this time, although Dee held onto his arm as he led him to the dinner table. A chair at the side corner scraped the floor as it was pulled out, and then he was directed into it.

"Sit."

Without a word, Ryo obediently did as told, even though the look on his face was a bit mutinous. His eyes slid over to that of the shaggy blonde teenager that stood at the counter with his back to him. Slightly more frustration rose over the fact that the usual dependable 'savior' had joined the ranks of desertion too.

The in questioned adolescent turned and carefully walked over to the table carrying a bowl of warmed soup. He looked up only to see the pained expression in his adoptive dad's eyes over his obvious traitorous choice of sides he took, but only glittering blue one's, set with stern irritation for the man actually next to him, were returned.

For certain, he hated Dee's guts right now, liking nothing more than to stomp those very guts out of him, but at the moment, whatever major ass he may be, a shot of Dee was most likely what his dad needed to force him from the 'route of escape' he had taken in light of his pain.

It was a chance he was taking, seeing that Dee had been the one to cause Ryo to break down in the first place, and whether this would turn into something better, or drive his dad deeper into that void, remained to be seen. He just wanted his dad back to some semblance of being normal -- even if it mean having to depend on the S.O.B. here to do it. As long as Ryo was Ryo again, he could deal -- he didn't have to like it, but he could deal. Therefore -- with the grit of his teeth -- he would take the risk with the dumb ass jerk. If it didn't work out, he could always find him later to torture.

Dee moved away as Bikky sat the bowl in front of Ryo, along with a spoon, to put on a kettle for water. Even seeing that the kid had seated himself across from his guardian and was keeping watch too, he still kept an eye on Ryo as he took down a coffee mug and a box of the man's favorite tea… or one of them anyway.

Chamomile. That one was suppose to help sooth and relax nerves, right? At least that's what he thought he remembered anyway. If things weren't so serious, he might have smiled at the notion of using something of Ryo's against himself. It was kind of like drugging him but legally, and it wasn't like it would alter him in a way that he couldn't keep his mind about him.

While he waited on the water to heat, Dee threw a couple pieces of bread into the toaster. Since Ryo hadn't eaten for days, toast would help keep his stomach settled… at least that's what he was always told.

A couple of minutes later, Dee set a small plate with the plain pieces of toast next to Ryo's bowl of soup and placed the mug of tea near the top before settling down in the chair at the 'head' of the table, between Ryo and the blonde haired teen.

"I'm not that hungry." Ryo found voice to protest again.

"Don't care. You're gonna eat it anyway. All of it." Turning his head to look at Bikky, he asked, "Have you eaten?"

For a moment the teen's mouth tighten, but then he forced out, "Yeah. I ate the peanut butter sandwich."

There was a dueling moment between them, and then Dee reached behind him and took out his wallet. Flipping through it, he took out a twenty and a ten dollar bill and laid them on the table; pushing them toward the teenager. He knew that a peanut butter sandwich wasn't enough to have, plus he was low enough to bribe the kid to leave him alone with Ryo.

"Here. Go pick yourself up something else to eat." He suggested. "And why don't you call Carol to see if she'd like to go to the movies."

Bikky just gave him a glaring look, making it clear that he was still angry with him. Besides, it hadn't just been Ryo that had gotten hurt in the all this ordeal, he had too.

"It'll cost you another twenty." He blurted out, and saw in his peripheral vision that Ryo's movements froze. The man was leaning slightly over the bowl; his mouth was open with the spoon halfway between it and the bowl, and his dark eyes stared at him from underneath still damp bangs.

Without pause, Dee jerked out another bill with the numbers two zero on it and laid it with the other in front of the kid.

"You can stay over at her house tonight, if it's OK with her aunt."

Green eyes purposefully stared into blue one's. That was all he was going to say to the kid. He wasn't going to break down and beg this time. Giving him fifty bucks to vamoose in front of Ryo was enough.

Bikky could be stubborn to the core, but despite his hostility, he could see that there was something in Dee's expression other than the desire to just jump Ryo's bones again. Shifting his gaze to the man across from him, who had not budged one bit, he was observant enough to understand the silent plea to not take the money or leave.

A moment or two later the teen pushed back his seat and stood up. Ignoring the money that laid upon the table, he left the room. With a small, satisfying smile, Ryo resumed his eating.

Dee didn't bother to take the money back, but rather just left it where it laid.

Despite having said he wasn't hungry, Ryo ate because it gave him something to do other than sit there having to talk to the man beside him. He wasn't sure what to be saying to him now anyway in regular conversation, or exactly why, of all things, he was there. Plus, he also didn't want to listen to the very same man making more threats if he didn't eat.

'If you don't eat, I'll hold your nose until you open your mouth…' would probably be what he'd say. And it was beginning to annoy him greatly to be treated like a child.

It was several silent minutes later, with his soup gone and most of one piece of toast, that Bikky returned with a tote bag slung over his shoulder. As a brown hand fell with a thud on the table, the bit of toast Ryo was about to stick in his mouth, fell from his fingers.

"Called Carol. We're going to take in a movie, and then I'm staying the weekend at her place." He announced as he picked up the money that had been offered earlier.

"Bikky, I didn't…" Ryo started with exasperation.

"Take it up with Dee, then." He pointed an accusing finger at the dark haired man. "I'm just a kid, being obedient to what I'm told." Blue eyes looked heavenward, as he pressed his palms in a faux appearance of innocence.

"Listen, here… Dee has no right! He's not even a part of…!" He fell silent, and one could have heard a pin drop if it had fallen. Neither of the two noticed the flicker of anguish that passed over the emerald eyes of the dark haired man sitting there.

The younger male glanced down, away from the dark eyes of his guardian, and slowly folded the money he held in his hand and stuffed it into his pocket.

"I'll be back Sunday." He said raising his eyes back up to meet Ryo's, tinged with a bit of worried guilt, then moved around the table to give him a hug.

"Bikky…"

"I'll give you a buzz tomorrow… to… let you know I'm doing okay." He gave a switch to his words. "Otherwise, you know where to call if you need me."

The teenager walked to the door, but before he went out, he turned back around to give Dee another serious gaze, letting him know he was 'allowing' him this one chance, and if he fucked up, and Ryo was in worse shape come tomorrow or Sunday, his figurative ass was his.

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Ryo sat there in a stupefied sulk. Even Bikky had abandoned him!

"Are you finished," Dee's stilted voice broke through his thoughts, causing Ryo to automatically slid his gaze over to him, but when there wasn't any response other than that, Dee rose from his chair, and took hold of Ryo's arm again. Helping him up, he lead him into the living room.

"I'm not a little kid, Dee." He jerked his arm free of the light hold. "You don't have to lead me by the hand everywhere."

"Oh, really." The other man taunted. "Well, when the man decides to stop acting like a little kid, then I'll stop treating him like one."

"I don't need you," Ryo flung back. "and it's not your place to tell me how I should be!"

"Doesn't look that way to me."

"Fuck you." Came the flat cursing comeback.

Dee tsked at the other man in mocking return, as he folded his arms across his chest.

"I could always pull you over my knee…"

Ryo's cheeks burned red, and he turned away. 'Like to see you try, Dee Laytner!' He silently fumed.

"I'm going back to bed." Ryo announced, moving toward his bedroom. "I'm sure you can find your way out."

Dee didn't say anything, but followed Ryo into the bedroom much to the other man's dismay, catching the door before it could be flung shut.

"Wait." His voice commanded just before Ryo jumped into the large bed. Ryo stopped and gave him another narrowed gaze, seeing that he was coming closer.

The next instant, Dee was pulling off all the blankets and sheets from the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Changing the bed. If you haven't been up to take care of yourself, it's hard to tell when you changed the bed clothes last either."

"As if it's really any of your business."

Ignoring Ryo's comment, Dee dragged out a new set of sheets from the dresser, and pulled out a different comforter from the closet. Ryo stood by out of the way, as Dee fixed the bed up, and once it was finished, he was then 'allowed' to crawl in. Everything got quiet again as neither knew what to say or where to begin.

Dee stood beside the bed staring down at his resisting… at Ryo. He looked somewhat better having gotten a shower and something in his stomach, but he was still pale and the haunted look was there as well.

"You said you wanted to talk to me," Dee quietly started, as he sat down with uncertainty on the edge of the bed.

"That was nearly a week ago." Ryo lowered his head and turned his face away so the man that sat near him couldn't look directly upon him. It was nearly a week ago that Dee had gone off with his new… partner and had 'some fun', as he had put it. The memory brought a lump to his throat and he had to swallow hard to dislodge it. 'Why didn't you just say sex, Dee. You went out to have sex with him.' He closed his eyes because they started to sting again. "I don't have anything to say now."

Dee was silent, watching as Ryo struggled to keep rein of himself as he started to toy with the design on the comforter with his finger.

"Ryo," His voice was deep, yet the words were soft. "I'm sorry."

There was no response from the other man as he continued the tracing maze of his finger.

"Do you think you could forgive me?" It was hardly there, but Dee saw the vague shrug of his shoulder.

Just what did the man expect him to do? Throw himself into his arms as if nothing happened? But wasn't that exactly what he wanted to do? Would it be the right choice if he did?

"I would understand if you didn't," he continued. "I've put you through a really rough time of it."

"Dee," He winced as his voice failed him, indicating that he was starting to lose control. "please… I… please, go away."

Placing one hand on the opposite side of Ryo's legs and the other one pressed against the pillows, Dee leaned in closer to him. "Is that what you really want? You want me to walk out that door and leave you alone?"

He watched as the other man's mouth opened, but only a silent stutter come out as he tried to voice something which wouldn't verbalize into words. Leaning a little closer, Dee asked even softer, "You really want me to leave, Ryo?"

The warmth of his breath caressed his ear and the nape of his neck, which made it difficult for Ryo to think about anything.

"I thought you wanted, what belonged to you, returned."

"That… That was over three weeks ago." He wasn't conscious of it, but his lower lip pouted out slightly as the remembrance of handing him that note crossed his mind.

"It got…" Dee paused, lifting his hand off the pillow to stroke the side of Ryo's face, near his ear, in a feathery caress with the back of his curled fingers. "…kind of lost, in the shuffle, for a while."

He was too close. Too close for Ryo not to think of anything else except Dee's nearness.

"I…" He bit his lip, still keeping his eyes averted. "I… can't think, Dee. Give me… some space."

Reluctantly, the man did as he was requested, sitting back and removing his hand from the other side of Ryo's legs, also. There was a period of uncomfortable silence between them, and Dee could see the difficulty that Ryo was having, by the way he shifted his head more times than usual, and the more concentrate way he doodled his finger over the comforter designs.

"I was never unfaithful to you, Dee. I wouldn't have done that to you." Ryo confessed quietly. "Did you…" his voice clogged up so much so that he had to swallow hard before he could continue, and, even then, it came out no more than a strained whisper. "Did you… have sex with Derek?"

Dee was quiet and sat motionless as he stared at Ryo, who still would not look at him; his own question brought a rosy color to his pale cheeks. Dee fully realized now about Ryo's absence at work since that day. Supporting himself on an arm that was placed, once again, on the other side of the man's legs, he reached out, taking hold of the paler man's chin with an olive colored hand, and lightly forced Ryo to face him.

He needed to know the truth, and Dee needed to look him in the eyes when he did so. For a moment, his breath was taken away when he saw the pain that was starkly evident in the dark depths.

"No." He answered quietly, watching as those same eyes widened, filling with tears. "I never had sex with him or anyone else since I've been gone."

Ryo closed his eyes against the green one's that burned into his, as if trying to hypnotize him into believing something that wasn't true. In doing so, it broke the dam, and allowed the tears to overflow down his cheeks.

Before Ryo could voice any doubt of his confession, words began to spill out of Dee's mouth. "I couldn't get past what my heart felt for you to do that, even hurt as I was, even wanting to hurt you like I thought I had been." He paused only enough to take a deep breath. "You're all I've thought about, Ryo."

Ryo tried to jerk away as he started to choke out a cry, but before he could draw back too far, Dee wrapped him in his arms and pulled him close against him.

With an emotional murmur, Dee said, "I'm so sorry, Ryo. My thick head never gave you a chance to say anything. I've hurt you so badly that you're right not to forgive me,… ever."

Dee felt Ryo's hands clutching the material of his shirt against his sides, and felt him pushing away, but he only moved back enough so that his forehead laid against Dee's shoulder.

"I… " Ryo's shoulders shook as he sobbed against Dee. "I-I've missed you so much, Dee. It f-felt like I was dying. I couldn't… I couldn't face you anymore, especially thinking… that…"

Wrapping his hand up around the light brown head of hair, Dee said with an aching thickness, "I love you, baby." And he tighten his hold as he brought his own head down upon the man's neck. "God, I've been such an idiot!"

"I wasn't…" Ryo shook his head against Dee's shoulder as he admitted again, "I wasn't unfaithful to you." Then he sat up to look the dark haired man in the face. "I was naked, but it was Armon that kissed me,… and it wasn't…"

"I know, Ryo." Dee admitted as he wiped some of the moisture from his partner's face. "I know what you were doing."

Ryo could only stare dumbfounded at him. "H-How…?"

"Armon came to see me."

"You two… talked?" Ryo relaxed the grip that he had on Dee's shirt to lean back a bit more against the pillows.

"He dropped by the station before leaving on some flight to the west coast. We talked some, in which he called me a few choice names, and then gave me a couple of packages."

Ryo narrowed his brows, not understanding. "A couple?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to say, Ryo."

"But I… didn't finish… "

"Well, he seemed to have finished it anyway. Guess you left a big enough impression in his mind for him to do it without you there."

"Where… Where is it?"

"In the kitchen."

"I haven't seen it complete yet."

"You sit tight, and I'll go get them." Dee was off the bed and out of the room, wanting to hurry to bring them back for him to see, wanting to hurry in case Ryo changed his mind and locked him out of the room.

The same thought did fleetingly cross the mixed Japanese's mind, however, he remained on the bed, and before he knew it, Dee came back through the door carrying a wrapped parcel in each hand.

Setting the smaller one against the side of the bed, Dee hurriedly untied the string and tore off the cover of the larger one, then held it up for Ryo to view. He had the same breath-taken-away reaction that he had the first time he viewed the painting.

"Thank you for the present," Dee murmured softly. "It really turned out beautiful."

Ryo's eyes only remained on the painting, but he found voice enough to say, "And you thought that picture wouldn't be any good."

"Have to admit," Dee tried to stay light with his words. "The man does excellent work."

There was a short, quiet pause, as Dee continued to hold the painting for Ryo to look at, and then he said, "But as much as I love this one," He set the large canvas down and picked up the other one to unwrap it. "I… think I love this one even more."

Turning it around, Ryo was faced with the portrait of himself. It was the one that Armon had done in trade for the other, but why he had given it to Dee, he wasn't sure.

Armon was truly a talented artist, having the ability to capture a person's feelings and thoughts into his painting. Ryo remembered thinking about Dee, as he sat for endless hours of posing, and how much he was going to love his anniversary gift,… and what Dee would come up with to express his… appreciation for the gift, which was probably how Armon had captured the blush for his cheeks.

The portrait showed the reflection of a true expression of love, and it hurt so much to see that looking back at him. It was so innocent compared to the knotted mess inside of him now. Ryo had to turn away from it for the portrait had displayed feelings from his very soul. It hurt, because it reflected something that 'was', before all this other stuff happened.

"You still love me, Ryo? You still love me this much?" The dark, green eyed man stared achingly into the rich brown one's of his once lover. "I wouldn't blame you if you don't."

Could he, and not blame? All he had to do was say 'yes'.

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