Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Revelations & Medications ❯ Prices Paid ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Like everyone else here I have no other claim to Dee, Ryo, Bikky or any of the other characters in the “FAKE” manga series than that of any other fangirl. All of the above belong to Manga-ka Sanami Matoh and the respective publishing license holders in Japan, the US, and elsewhere.

New York City belongs to everyone, though especially to those pretty little boys we so like reading and writing about.

 

Please R&R - constructive opines more than welcome

 

 

Chapter 3 - Prices Paid

 

Lemon Flavoring - Last ingredient for a citrus feast

 

They didn't talk much on the ride home. There was much more touching and some kissing. Dee asked Ryo if he was really comfortable with this activity, using his eyes to indicate the stranger in the front seat. Ryo stated simply that the cabbie knew damn well where he had been cruising for fare and of all the couples and groups that might have flagged this cab, he was sure they were rather boring. Dee had to give Ryo another kiss for that with the excuse that they didn't want to bore the driver to sleep. When the cab was caught at the light on their corner Dee suggested that they jump out there, citing his need for more smokes.

As usual Ryo's eyes were drawn to the colorful fruits and flowers that wrapped around the outside of the store. Looking down lovingly at Ryo, Dee said, “Go on, pick us out something nice.”

“Oh Dee, we've already spent too much money between dinner, the bar, and the cab ride,” Ryo replied, even though his eyes did not leave the visual feast in front of him.

“Come on, this is a special occasion after all,” Dee said, giving Ryo a nudge closer to the clean smelling buckets, “whatever it is that we're going through tonight. Get us something sunny, cheerful.”

“Oh, okay,” Ryo was easily persuaded and started to finger the petals of a calla lily. Dee smiled and went on into the bodega [1].

Just as Ryo had decided on the last bunch that he wanted Dee came out of the store with a large paper bag telling Ryo that he had already paid for the flowers. “You couldn't have,” Ryo said with some shock, “you didn't know what I was going to pick out.”

“Mr. Nguyen said he knew about what you usually spend.” Dee answered still heading for the corner.

“Wait,” said Ryo. Ryo went to the perpetually open door. “Mr. Nguyen, I picked some of the calla lilies and roses, that's much more than usual.”

“No worries,” said the older Vietnamese man, waving him away. “Between your boyfriend's smoking and your kid's sweet tooth I'll be able to retire. Go on and have a nice night.” Ryo thanked the man and went after Dee who was waiting impatiently.

Once in the apartment they shucked off their jackets and Dee took the bag and flowers into the kitchen. Ryo locked the door and hung up his jacket then picked up Dee's jacket from the back of a chair and hung that up as well. He then joined Dee in the kitchen.

Dee had just finished filling a vase with water and was now opening his new pack of cigarettes. Ryo moved the ashtray over to the table before starting to unwrap the flower bundles. Dee sat at the table and watched as Ryo cut the bottom of each stem before placing it purposefully into the container. Soon there was a beautiful arrangement and Ryo was cleaning up the discarded leaves and cut ends. “Dee, why don't you take these into the living room,” Ryo said, adding, “Do you want something to drink?”

“Yeah,” Dee said as he stood up and carefully picked up the now top heavy vase. “Look in the bag.”

Ryo uncrumpled the top of the bag and looked in. On top were some magazines, GQ and Sports Illustrated. Ryo liked the fact that Dee only bought magazines that other people in the house would enjoy. Removing the magazines Ryo saw a blue box of Swiss Miss packets. “Did you want hot chocolate?” Ryo called out.

“Yeah,” Dee answered from the living room, “but keep digging.”

When Ryo picked up the box of chocolate mix he heard a distinctive, hollow clunk that made his pulse skip. Once the box had cleared the bag Ryo looked in cautiously; there on the bottom of the bag along with nail clippers, some foot cream and a bottle of KY was a can of Reddy Whip. Ryo made himself pick up the product that he had spent a good deal of the last hour or so thinking about and went out to the living room.

Dee looked up from where he was sitting on the couch. “I take it,” Ryo said, “that you want whipped cream on your chocolate.”

“Yeah, to start with at least,” Dee replied with a straight face. Then Dee howled, “Man, I haven't made you blush like that for ages. I kind of missed it, Victory!” Dee put his feet up on the table. Seeing as Ryo was still standing there looking at the can in his hand, Dee relented, “I thought it would be fun, you seemed to be enjoying it at the bar. But if you want we can just use it in the drinks.”

Ryo turned a deeper shade of red but shook his head slightly. Turning back to the kitchen, Ryo said, “I had even thought of getting some myself.” This made Dee howl again while Ryo went to put on the tea pot.

While the water was heating, Ryo came back into the living room and sat down on the coffee table next to Dee's feet. Putting his hand on Dee's calves, Ryo said, “Dee, I know you said you had more that you wanted to talk about, but you look worn out. Are you sure you don't want to just have our hot chocolate and go to bed? It's already 3 a.m. and our shift starts in 9 hours.”

“Love,” Dee said with a sigh, “I know we are both beat. But if it is all the same to you I would like to keep going and, you know, get it all out there.”

“Then I tell you what,” Ryo reached for his back pocket, “I am going to call in some chits.” Ryo flipped open his cell phone and dialed a speed dial number.

“What?” Dee asked, “Who…”

Ryo waved away Dee question as there was an answer on the other end. “Hey, Drake, It's Ryo. I'm sorry to call so late. *Pause* Yeah, sorry. Listen, I have a favor to ask. Dee and I are not going to be able to make it in for our shift today. *Pause* No, I realize it is short notice. But, then again, you and Ted didn't give us any notice last year when you took off to be roadies for Ozzie Osborn. *Pause* Yes, it was a tough case, but the fact remains you guys still have jobs because we covered for you. *Pause* That's what I thought. So we will see you Friday then. Thanks, Drake.” Ryo closed his phone and stood up as the tea pot had just started to whistle.

“Damn, he's good,” was all Dee could say.

Ryo came back from the kitchen with two mugs heaped with whipped cream. Ryo handed Dee his cup and then settled into the other corner of the couch. Ryo tucked up his legs so just his toes pressed into Dee's thigh but otherwise he was giving his lover all of the space he might need. Ryo consciously trained his eyes on his cup, not wanting Dee to feel at all like he was on the other side of an interrogation table.

They sipped quietly for awhile then Dee put down his cup and lit another cigarette. After a couple of drags he was ready to begin. “Well, like I said it is more about what we talked about earlier, about how I used to make money. But this time it is also about us, about how what I used to do is affecting us. It has been affecting us,” Dee continued, using one hand on Ryo's feet to still any interruption “because it has been affecting me, even if I tried to deny it. It effects what I do, how I react,” much more quietly but Ryo could still hear it, “what I do and don't allow.”

Ryo suddenly had a good idea where all of this was going. But Ryo stayed quiet and waited for Dee to tell him in his own way. “It's why I have never, I haven't, I,” Dee took a deep breath. “It's why you have never been on top,” Dee said in one breath, “why you have never been the top.”

Ryo could see how much this admission was costing Dee. Ryo could also hear a slight hitch in Dee's voice. “You see,” Dee explained further, “men do not pay boys so that they can be on the bottom. Men pay boys to bend over and shut up. And while it wasn't bad, at least not most of the time, it wasn't good either. And now I can't show you all the things that I should show you; I can't get myself to let you try all the things you should try.”

Ryo couldn't stay quiet anymore. Ryo said, “Oh, Dee. Shush, don't worry. It doesn't matter.”

This turned out to be the wrong thing to say. Dee turned towards Ryo and his face had darkened; actually scaring Ryo a little. “No, you still don't understand,” Dee said loudly.

“Okay, okay,” Ryo said looking Dee in the eye. “I'm sorry. I didn't think about what I was saying. I was wrong, of course it matters; it matters a lot because it matters to you. I was just reacting to your saying that you felt bad for me.”

Much softer this time, Dee said, “No, you still don't understand. It's more, much more than my wanting to show you everything. I mean that is a big part of it, the thought that if I don't show you that you'll either never know or would need someone else to…”

“Stop, don't go there,” Ryo said clearly.

“Well, I do go there, in my head,” Dee said softly, stubbing out his cigarette. “I've spent many really awful minutes, hours trying to decide which was the lesser of two evils; your never knowing how it feels for me or your finding out somewhere else.”

After a long silence, Ryo said, “Dee, I just hate the thought of your tearing yourself up inside about what you assume I might want. And you know I don't like anyone making any kind of assumptions about me.”

“I made a big assumption about your sexuality,” was Dee's answer to that, “and your attraction to me. They both paid off, eventually.”

Ryo finally smiled, “Well, even though I didn't know it, I was leaving you lots of clues to follow.”

“Yeah, I've gotten really good at reading you and all your little clues. So I need you to be honest with me now, Ryo. Haven't you at least wanted to try it, being the top?”

Ryo sighed and finished off his chocolate, setting the mug out of the way on the window sill while Dee lit up again. Dee was right, of course; Ryo hadn't been being honest. But the brutal kind of honesty that a man like Dee demanded was still so alien to Ryo. One just didn't go around Stoney Brook talking about how one really felt, not unless you wanted to be labeled a freak; Ryo had had enough problems with that particular label as it was. “I'm sorry,” Ryo said again.

“Enough with the sorrys; just tell me how you really feel.”

Ryo's shoulders tensed and he took a deep breath. “Yes,” Ryo got out, looking at where his toes were now pushing into Dee's thigh, “I would like to try it, to at least know how it feels, to see what gets you so excited. But,” Ryo looked up now, “I have no desire whatsoever to do anything that would make you uncomfortable or that you wouldn't enjoy. And I most certainly don't, can't even imagine wanting to do anything close to that with anyone else.”

Both men relaxed. “Thank you,” Dee said quietly rubbing Ryo's ankles.

Ryo grabbed Dee's hand and kissed it. “Thank you,” Ryo said. Ryo spent a little time exploring and caressing Dee's hand, rediscovering just how big his knuckles were and relearning all the cuts and scars. Soon though, after a quick look at Dee's still contemplative face, Ryo surrendered the hand. Ryo said, “There is more, isn't there.”

Dee turned on the couch to sit cross-legged facing Ryo, “It is not as big a deal as what I used to do for scratch or what I am too chicken to show you, but if anything I am more concerned about your reaction to this last, little thing.” What the hell, Ryo thought but didn't move or otherwise react.

Dee looked down at his crossed feet. “I sometimes,” Dee started and then stopped. “See, because it was,” Dee tried again and failed. “Love, how does it…. Does it feel good, when we have sex?”

Ryo's mind blanked on him. Vaguely, Ryo was aware of someone stammering loudly, “How could you, why, why don't you, it is so, so, can't, can't you, isn't it, why, why, why, why would you even ask that?” Ryo's mouth finally chose one of the ten thousand things he wanted to say or ask.

“Shhh, Love,” Dee said, “let me explain.” Ryo's own face was evenly divided between hurt, concern, and anger. Dee had to look away in order to reiterate, “Let me explain.”

When Dee didn't continue right away, Ryo forced his eyes away from Dee's face but he couldn't keep quiet. Ryo asked again, “Why?”

Dee lit another cigarette and sat down his lighter. Dee was still unable to look directly at Ryo and focused on some point a couple of inches to the left and below his lover's eyes. “When we are actually doing it, having sex, I have no doubts at all,” Dee finally said. “When we are in the middle of it and I can hear, see, feel your reactions I can tell just how much you are liking it.” Ryo relaxed a little at this. “My doubts start later, a little while after we are done, usually after we have fallen asleep,” Dee explained.

Something clicked in Ryo's head, “that's when you would start crying in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, on the really bad nights, it would wake me and I couldn't get back to sleep or hold it in. See, like I said, in all the time I was selling myself I never enjoyed it, taking it up the ass.” Dee took another long drag on his smoke. “So I would wake up in the middle of the night or whatever and the happy memory of what we had just done would suddenly run smack into my own memories of when I was teenager and, well, if I think about it too much, I can't really believe that it feels as good as you and everyone makes it out to be. My body's memory of only discomfort and, well pain is too strong. Not to mention all the disgust I was denying at the time.”

“Oh, Dee,” Ryo said softly. Ryo crawled over into Dee's arms; on to Dee's chest. Ryo burrowed his arms around Dee's waist. Dee put the hand that wasn't holding his cigarette onto Ryo's back.

Dee unfolded his legs under Ryo and they stayed like that for a little bit. Dee finished his smoke and put both arms around Ryo. Finally Dee said, “You know what part of the problem is?” Dee played with Ryo's collar. “Part of the problem is you're too nice.” Ryo lifted a tear stained face at that. Dee elaborated, “My doubting devils, they would start whispering that you were just - humoring me because you love me.”

“I am not that nice,” Ryo insisted.

“Yes, you are.”

“I am so not,” Ryo propped himself up on his arms so he could look Dee in the eye again. “And any way, I am a shitty liar.” Dee had to grin because it was true. “I am a shitty liar and, even as much as I love you, if it didn't feel mind blowingly fantastic I wouldn't even know how to fake it. And I wouldn't do it anyway, I would talk to you about it or something.”

Ryo sat up, straddling Dee's lap. Looking down at Dee, at the guilt and sorrow and pain in Dee's face, Ryo came to a very sad conclusion. “Dee, Love,” Ryo said quietly, “if your memory of my reactions, my ecstasy when we make love doesn't last long enough for you to fight off your memories a couple of hours later, there is nothing I can say to convince you how good it feels. Body memory is a strong and sometimes illogical thing. I could make you talk to a thousand other `bottoms', make Bill take you on a tour of all the sex devices they sell just to mimic the feeling of having someone inside you and it wouldn't erase your memory.

Oh, Love,” Ryo stretched himself along Dee's body again, holding Dee tight. “What can I do? How can I help you? The only thing I can think of is the thing we already decided not to do, which is to show you. After learning all of this, now I really don't want to pressure you into doing something you already dislike. At the same time, now more then before I do want to do it, be the top, not for myself but to show you how I feel. Show you how nice the bottom can be.”

They stayed there for a long time, Ryo lying on top of Dee, his head on Dee's shoulder. Ryo was rubbing Dee's chest through his shirt. Eventually Ryo sighed, “Oh well, I wouldn't know where to start, being the top. I wouldn't know how to make you feel as good as I do, never having done it and all. I guess it is just as well. I just wish there was a way to overwrite your memories with my own.”

“Maybe, we can,” Dee said quietly. Dee pulled Ryo's head up far enough to give him a deep kiss. This move also created a nice friction between their pants' fronts. “Maybe all we need,” Dee said before giving Ryo's lip a little nibble, “is to do it even more often.” Dee nipped at the other corner of Ryo's lip, “Maybe we just need to make you scream louder to push out my bad thoughts.”

Ryo dove into Dee's mouth. “Let's move this to the bedroom,” Ryo suggested when he got his breath back. Dee almost knocked over his half finished chocolate in his haste to comply.

 

End Chapter 3

 

[1] For non-New Yorkers - A bodega in New York is a prolific type of corner grocery store, many open 24 hours. In residential neighborhoods you are never more than a block or two away from one. While the selection is not great and anything not canned or bottled is questionable, it is where you can get smokes, flowers, candy bars, condoms, double A batteries, alarm clocks, toilet paper, cat food, beer, phone cards, dirty magazines, subway cards, mouse traps, dish detergent, potato chips, ketchup, feminine hygiene products, aspirin, Ho-Hos, rolling papers, dryer sheets, back scratchers, floppy discs, padlocks, chew toys, milk, frozen burritos and anything else you might suddenly find yourself in need of at 3 a.m..

 

On a personal note - I am such a scifi geekette that on moving to New York City for the first time, I kept confusing the word Bodega with Deagoba.