Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Time for Healing ❯ Everything ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: We do not own FAKE or its characters. They belong to Sanami Matoh, lucky girl! Any original characters belong to either Irish or Wildefyre. *See Author's Notes at the end for the proper credits and profiles on those.
Warnings: Thus far just Shounen AI but then again that's what FAKE is anyway. It may become Yaoi further along. This may have the guys out of Character somewhat, so Gomen for that and we are taking some creative freedom on histories & backgrounds and lives as they are now... Deal with it! ^_~

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

"Okay Dee, just take your time and lean on me more if you need to." Ryo gently helped Dee out of the wheelchair and onto the sofa despite his protests that Dee should have gone right back to the bedroom. Stubborn and determined, Dee had insisted, bitched actually, that he was sick and tired of lying in a bed and wanted to be in the living room. Ryo relented and now as he adjusted the pillows for Dee, he found even that task being debated.

"Ryo I can fix my own pillows! Jeez I'm not a frigging baby!" Dee huffed as he pushed Ryo's hands away to show him that he could do it.

Ryo dodged to the left quickly as Dee seeking brushed his hands away and almost hit him in the groin. "I know that you're not a baby Dee. I just want you to be comfortable.

"Just don't treat me like some invalid okay?" Frustrated, Dee sighed. "Come here and sit with me for a minute okay?" Dee waited for Ryo to sit beside him, taking in the fresh scent of his soap and the light cologne he used. It was a scent that he had locked away in his heart and one that he would always remember.

"Dee I know this is hard on you and all but you will have to allow me to help you. I won't stand around and watch you hurt yourself, or worse yet, someone else." Ryo sighed. Reaching out he brushed the back of his hand across Dee's cheek. "Let me do this for you okay?"

Dee sighed softly reaching out to draw Ryo closer. Ryo caught his groping hands taking them in his own as he smoothed Dee's hair out of his face. "Yeah okay." Dee allowed, his voice gruff and grudging. Truth being he knew that without Ryo's help he would most likely manage to burn down the apartment just trying to get to the bathroom. Only Ryo would he ever allow to help him like this.

"Thank you koi." Ryo smiled and placed one of Dee's hands at his lips so that he could feel his smile. Leaning in hesitantly at first, Ryo laid a soft kiss to Dee's lips, happy that Bikky was at school allowing him this tender moment without fear of being caught. When Dee did nothing to advance the kiss, Ryo drew back and looked at him.

"Is everything okay?" Disappointed and slightly hurt, Ryo could only wonder if all of this was all ready changing the relationship they had hoped to have.

"Ryo?" Dee's voice was soft with a vulnerable edge too it that had Ryo ready to do anything asked of him.

"Hai Koibito?"

"Will you just... stay with me for a while?" Dee didn't want to admit it but he was scared to be alone, scared of that all consuming darkness that had engulfed him and Ryo's hand, warm in his, was like a firm anchor to this world. The tender kiss had almost brought tears to his eyes. It was a bitter irony. He finally had Ryo, had won his heart but his own was too firmly locked away behind his own pain for him to do anything about it.

"Dee I'll always be here for you and with you." Ryo scooted closer, resting his head on a strong shoulder and finding that it was the most natural thing in the world. All this time he had been afraid of this and yet it felt so right. "Would you like me to make you some lunch or get you something to drink?" Despite the calm comfort Ryo still felt that he should be doing something, anything to make Dee feel more relaxed and at home. "Are you sleepy? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Ryo... You sound like a mother hen! Next thing I know you'll be asking if I'm regular!" Dee couldn't stop the chuckle that left his lips. Even though he couldn't see it, he knew that Ryo was blushing.

"Just for your background knowledge mom, I went earlier." He laughed harder and held tightly to warm body next to him.

Ryo laughed softly too, so glad to hear Dee laugh and wishing that he had a clever remark to keep the lighthearted moment going. He tilted his head back a bit to look up at Dee, his lovers emerald eyes watching nothing. Ryo leaned up and kissed the corner of Dee's mouth softly.

Forgetting himself Dee attempted to turn into the kiss, which wasn't such a smart move as pain shot through his ankle and knees. Crying out, the tender moment lost Dee attempted to readjust himself and only managed to bring his hand down and straight into Ryo's groin.

"Kuso!" Ryo doubled up in pain though he still tried to help Dee.

"Ryo! Damn I'm sorry..." Dee tried to get reoriented. Trying to remember where he was in relation to everything else in the apartment. Pain now searing through his knees. "Are you okay?"

"Hai! Hai...! Just stop moving." Ryo managed between gritted teeth, hands protecting the injured part of his anatomy. Taking a few calming breaths as the pain started to pass and he was able to fully turn his attention to Dee.

"Where does it hurt?" Ryo asked trying to figure out how best to remedy the situation. His hand lay on Dee's chest, as he looked him over trying to assess the damage

"My knees!" Dee ground out, his own paining mounting. He sat perfectly still, afraid to move lest the pain would get worse. Ryo stood then kneeled in front of Dee.

"Here let's lay you down." Ryo said. Carefully he lifted Dee legs to stretch them out on the couch.

"Shit." Dee muttered, even this small motion sent new waves of pain through his legs. Ryo's competent hands carefully adjusted Dee on the couch so that he was stretched out and in a more comfortable position.

"You still have hour to go before I can give you your next dose of pain medication but can I get you something else in the meantime? Some tea? Ice or heating pad?"

"The doctors did say that I should use ice for swelling and heat for stiffness so I guess that some ice first and then the heating pad would be nice." Dee winced again. "Are you sure that you're okay though? I know that I nailed you pretty good there."

"I'll live." Ryo replied. His hand lightly touched the fly of his jeans causing his face to scrunch up over the small amount of pain still throbbing within the region.

"Let me go get an ice pack and some Tylenol and water as well. You can have that in between your pain meds." Ryo stood up slowly and carefully made his way into the kitchen. Walking would still be a little painful for a few more minutes. Dee had indeed nailed him hard, harder than he had let on.

It was becoming quite clear that this wasn't going to be easy, not in the slightest but he was in it for the long haul. 'I just hope that my body holds out that long.' He smirked over the thought as he gathered up what he needed. Without a doubt the days were going to long ones and he could only hope that the nights would go a little smoother.

Ryo was watching him sleep. Dee could feel his partner's tender eyes studying him.

"Dee?" Dee wondered if he had opened his eyes to prompt the inquiry or if Ryo had just felt him awaken.

"Good morning." Dee replied, wanting to reach out for Ryo, to pull him close and nuzzle his face in Ryo's honey hair.

"It's only a little after 11pm Dee. I just came to bed." Ryo spoke gently and Dee jumped a little as Ryo's hand touched his brow to smooth back his hair. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you."

"I should have seen it coming." Dee growled, trying to force his eyes to work, fighting his way through the black curtain that had been drawn over them.

Ryo's hand continued to stroke Dee's dark locks. "You'll only make it worse if you force it."

Dee frowned even more deeply "How can you tell that I am?"

"Your eyes sort of move back and forth as though you are reading really fast or something."

Dee made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. God he must look like such a freak with eyes twitching like that and lumbering around with such and exaggerated limp. Even his body language felt off with no visual cues to guide him.

"I hate this Ryo! I finally have your heart and I can't even make love to you. What good am I to you now? I can't protect you or Bikky for that matter. I can't do anything for myself... I can't even kiss you without fucking something up!" Dee turned his head to the side effectively avoiding the gaze that he knew was on him. He didn't need to see that, he could feel it burning through to his soul.

"Maybe the bitch should have just killed me!" Dee jumped in surprise when a hand slapped against his chest hard, the sound ringing through his ears. "What the fuck...?"

"Don't you EVER talk like that! Do you understand?" Ryo felt the heat of his tears flooding his eyes over the words that stung his heart. "When I found you that night in your apartment, bloody and not moving I thought that I had lost you! Even after I knew that you were still alive I feared that I could still lose you! Don't you dare say how you wished that you were dead! I love you dammit! Got that Dee? I LOVE YOU!" Sobbing now, Ryo's hands shook as he traced the red mark of his hand that had formed on Dee's chest.

Dee held onto his anger and frustration for a few long moments, still facing away from Ryo. Ryo's quiet sobbing was too much for him to bear and he reached up, pressing Ryo's stroking hand to his chest. "Don't listen to me Ryo. I'm just a fuck up. I'm sorry." Dee swallowed hard, his own eyes feeling wet and his throat tightening at how useless he felt. He gave Ryo's hand a tender squeeze.

"DEE! You are not a fuck up! You've been dealt a bad hand that's all. We can make it through this but only if you stop talking like that." Ryo laid his head down onto Dee's chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat. "Please Dee, no more talk like that? I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. We don't need to make love in order to share our love. We're doing that right now with you holding my hand and me like this. Love isn't just a physical thing it's so much deeper than that."

"And sex... I mean, making love... is just the ultimate expression of that love." Dee sighed. Ryo stared at him, astonished something so...well...frankly, so romantic had just come from his koi.

"Give it time Dee. Give it time. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right by your side. We'll get through this together." Ryo kissed the read mark of his handprint that was left on Dee's chest.

"I have given it time Ryo. Almost 2 years and frankly I'm tired of waiting." Dee reached out slowly, feeling his way until his fingers combed through Ryo's soft locks. "For you though, I'll wait. I have to admit though that lying here with you like this and having you kissing my chest is quite a turn on." Dee grinned slightly.

"I see that Dee." In a way Ryo was glad that Dee couldn't see. Especially with the way his cheeks were burning. The flush of pink deepened as he stared down as the slight bulge beneath the blankets. "You should get some sleep now. It's been a long day and tomorrow will be just as long." Ryo gave him one final kiss.

Dee sighed softly. Thwarted again but he relented and relaxed back onto the pillows. He heard Ryo click off his reading light and lay down next to him, his head resting in the crook of his shoulder. His breath quickly became slow and even as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Slow ly Ryo opened his eyes, the sun filtering in through the window and warming his face. It was Saturday at least and with Bikky staying overnight at a friend's he could afford to sleep in for a change. The warmth of the body next to him had him sighing in contentment. Lazily he reached out and allowed his fingers to flutter over the tender skin of Dee's exposed chest.

Ryo closed his eyes, picturing everything his fingers were seeing as they traced muscles, lines and creases. Dee was like a sculpture, beautiful and well formed. The more he touched, the more he wanted to learn.

Dee tried very hard to keep his face neutral and in a sleeping position not wanting to give Ryo any indication that he was awake and enjoying every little caress. Finally his hand came up, feeling his way up Ryo's arms to cup his face and he smiled. "And good morning to you as well..."

Dee was pretty sure that it was morning this time for he could feel the warm sun on his face and the sounds of traffic on the street below were louder than before. Dee was surprised at how quickly he was learning audio cues for things like time of day or number of people in the room. Maybe he could do this after all? It was worth a try, if nothing else.

Ryo felt himself blush at being caught at such an intimate thing. "Morning." Ryo dipped his head down to kiss Dee. "Hungry? I-I could go make you some breakfast. O-Or do you need to use the bathroom?"

Ryo blushed even more when Dee pulled him closer. Surely Dee had to feel his arousal through the combined materials of their pajamas. It was that obvious and Ryo found his cheeks burning out of sheer embarrassment.

"Hmm what do I feel?" Dee grinned. "Is that a gun in your pants or were you having an erotic fantasy involving me? At least I hope that it was me." Laughing he tried to turn onto his side but couldn't. The braces on his knees prevented that sort of movement and Dee knew that it would hurt like hell. Defeated again, he sighed in exasperation.

"Uhm Ryo? I could use some help into the bathroom if you don't mind?" Dee swallowed hard. As much as he wanted to act on the wonderful gift Ryo was presenting to him, his body was refusing to cooperate and that gnawed at him like nothing could.

"Oh sure. Let me get up first and then I'll help you." Ryo scooted out of the bed feeling a little disappointed but quickly brushed it aside. Dee needed his help and that was far more important.

Dee felt himself blushing at the need to even ask for help but then Ryo's hands were on his arms helping him to his feet and steadying him until he was more confident on his feet.

Ryo tucked one of Dee's hands in the crook of his elbow like the nurse had showed him and led him the few steps to the bathroom. Then placed Dee's hand on the counter. "Can you manage it from here? It's about three steps to the toilet and the seat is up. It's just at the end of this counter."

"What you won't stay to make sure that I get the aim right? You could hold it steady for me too." Dee teased him. The situation was awkward enough as it were so humor came into play.

"I-I think that you are quite capable Dee. Don't you do this in the dark anyway? I do." Ryo blushed again and started heading out of the room. "Call for me when you are through and don't forget to wash your hands." Ryo snickered at getting Dee back for his remark.

"Yes mother." Dee shot back and proceeded to do his business, thankful that he actually succeeded in not missing. Once through and with hands thoroughly washed, he attempted to lead himself out of the bathroom without calling for Ryo's assistance. The bathroom was no more then four steps long from where he had previously stood. Dee figured that his chances of getting himself in trouble in the remaining stride and a half to the door were next to nil.

Ryo had safety proofed the apartment to the best of his abilities. Everything was off the floor, sharp corners as out of the way as possible and nothing moved from its usual location but the one thing that he had missed, he had not thought of, were rugs. There was one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen.

Dee felt his foot slide on the forgotten rug, felt it start to slip away over the tile. "Shit!" He reached for the counter, so sure that it was exactly where he thought that it was.... it wasn't. Dee went down with a thump and a howl of pain.

He landed on his fragile knees and despite being blind, he had a moment of complete vertigo as pain engulfed him. His breath caught, his stomach knotted.... So much pain. He saw stars and part of him thought 'well at least I am seeing something' then he slumped to the floor huddled in a ball of pain.

Ryo who had been sitting on the bed was waiting for Dee's call when he heard the noise and then the god awful cry. Quickly racing into the bathroom, his heart pounding, he found Dee on the floor, the bunched up rug nearby. "Oh God Dee I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Ryo knelt down and tried to help Dee.

"Let's get you back to the bed. I'll go get the wheelchair so that you don't have to walk it." Grabbing the rug as he stood, he threw it across the bathroom watching it land in the tub. He was angry with himself for being so stupid and leaving that there.

Dee shot his head up, still unable to speak. He wasn't ready to even try and move yet. Unsure that he was or wasn't going to throw up. Ryo knelt down next to Dee, lifting his head onto his lap after seeing how much pain Dee was in. "Take deep breaths Dee. Just like the doctor told us. Deep breathes and think of something else." Ryo stroked Dees hair taking long deep breaths himself while trying to coach Dee.

"Ryo.... this... is.... not.... Lamaze class!" Dee ground out through clenched teeth. Ryo leaned down and kissed Dee's forehead tenderly.

"I know that. It's okay and I'm so sorry koi, so sorry. You just let me know when you're ready."

"How could you leave that rug there?" Dee gasped out between short intakes of air. "That was stupid!"

"Dee I know and I am sorry. I screwed up okay? I'm not perfect koi but I am trying." Ryo kissed Dee's cheek, his eyes blurring slightly with tears. Dee was right it had been stupid of him to have that there.

He had put it down after Dee went to bed last night and while he took a shower. It was moist from water and so he left it there to dry. He had forgotten it and gone to bed. That mistake now had the man he loved, in great pain.

"P-Pain meds... Need them now." Dee hissed, as the pain only seemed to increase.

Ryo didn't have the heart to tell him that they would take at least 15 minutes to kick in and so he carefully rested Dee's head back on the floor before getting up and grabbing the prescription bottle off the counter. Tapping two pills out into his palm Ryo then poured some water into a Dixie cup. He then quickly snagged a pillow off the bed before sitting back down on the cool floor to set the pillow in his lap then resting Dee's head there.

"Here. Hold out your hand." Ryo instructed and Dee did so, feeling the pills drop into them he placed them in his mouth with a shaking hand, then felt the cool glass being pressed into his palm. Dee took a sip washing the pills down and then rested back on the pillow as Ryo retrieved the glass.

"I'm so sorry Dee." Ryo said again, hands returning to stroke his brow.

"Y-You have to be more careful! I can't see where I'm going remember? I also can't walk very well." Dee spat back, wishing like hell that he could see the face above him.

" And YOU should have called for me baka." Ryo replied. He was feeling just a little frustrated and angry at the moment and it showed in his voice.

"So now I'm stupid huh?" Dee tried to roll away only the pain wouldn't allow him too. "Damn meds! Kick the fuck in!"

"Dee you've barely swallowed them so just hold still." Ryo replied, exasperated. "Just try and relax for a bit."

"Yeah that's fucking easy for you to say! Just shut up Ryo! You're not helping!" Ryo's hands stilled and Dee felt him sit up straighter then pull away. Though his head still rested in Ryo's lap, Ryo might as well have just dropped his head back onto the tiles. Dee could practically hear his emotional walls slam up and he cursed himself for that.

"Sure... I'll shut up." Ryo pulled his hands away, tucking them behind his back. "J-Just let me know when you want to get up." Ryo's voice had an icy chill to it. He wanted to cry but he was determined to hold off... He wouldn't give Dee that satisfaction.

Dee just sighed. At the moment he was in too much pain to care. He barely felt the passage of time and finally, after what could have been a moment or an eternity, he felt like he might be able to move. "All right I think I might be able to get up now." Dee said quietly. The pain fading into the haze of mild euphoria and disembodiment. He felt Ryo lay his head and the pillow carefully back down then leave the room before returning a few moments later with the wheelchair.

Getting his hands under Dee's arms Ryo more or less lifted and dragged Dee over to the wheelchair, situating him before wheeling him the few feet back along side of the bed. Putting on the breaks and leading Dee's hands to the edge of the bed, he maneuvered him into place. "All right just shift over however you feel comfortable. Don't worry, I've got you if you start to fall." Ryo's hands gripped Dee's hips ready to catch him if need be.

Deciding that the cold discomfort that had settled over them was too much to bear, Dee threw caution to the wind and instead of sitting down, stepped closer to Ryo. "Forgive me for being a hard headed bastard okay?" Dee whispered against Ryo's cheek, as he slid his hands up Ryo's arms and held onto his shoulders. One hand felt its way to Ryo's face, stroking his cheek. "I am sorry Ryo. I shouldn't have been so mean to you earlier."

"You're right Dee. You shouldn't have. I made a mistake and for that I am truly sorry but I am trying my best here." Ryo replied sarcastically. "Now are you going to get into the bed or do I have to lift you into it?"

"Christ Ryo...!" Dee exclaimed, unable to believe that he had just been rejected so harshly. He recoiled and would have fallen again if Ryo's hands that held fast to his hips hadn't have slowly lowered him onto the bed.

"Lay back." Ryo ordered with a nurse's proficiency. Dee felt hot tears again in his eyes and pulled himself back on the bed laying down flat on his back and draping an arm across his face. "Just lay still and don't move. I will get your breakfast." Ryo sighed as he folded up the wheelchair and moved it out of the way before going to the kitchen. Opening the fridge he stood in front of it staring blankly at the inside, breakfast was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment.

Once again the little spats were starting. Did this mean that he had made the wrong decision? NO! He was certain that it was the right one. Slowly his wits returned and he set about making breakfast, making sure that Dee got the nutrition that his body needed for recovery. Egg whites scrambled with whole-wheat pancakes, fruit and orange juice along with Dee's morning coffee rounded out the fare. Taking the tray into the bedroom he carefully sat it on the bed.

"Dee I have your breakfast." At first he thought that Dee had fallen asleep but then he saw the wetness on Dee's cheeks. Quickly setting the tray on the bedside table, Ryo scooted into the bed and scooped Dee into his arms.

"Dee...? What's wrong?" Ryo kissed away what were surely tears. "Please talk to me... Please tell me what's wrong?"

Dee sniffled and then turned slightly pressing his face against Ryo's shoulder as a soft sob escaped his throat. "God Ryo... I can't live like this I just can't. I can't see! I can barely move! I mean... I've never been in so much pain in my life..." He sniffled again, glad that his face for the most part was hidden against Ryo's shirt.

"Dee it will get better. I promise you." Ryo held onto him. "If I could trade places with you I would. I'd gladly do that for you." Showering the side of Dee's face with kisses, Ryo gently slid down into the bed further.

"It's okay Dee, cry if you want. Let it out. I know it hurts. I know that more than anything love." Ryo lay there listening to Dee's sobs worsening.

"Ai shiteru Dee... No matter what happens, never doubt my love for you." Ryo felt his own tears falling as he held onto Dee, sobs wracking their bodies. "You and I are forever Dee... Always and forever."

Dee's arms came around Ryo, holding on tight while feeling like a jumbled mess. Everything he had understood about who he was as a man and how to function in the world had been lost. Things he had always expected to depend on, his sight his mobility were gone.

All he had left was Ryo. Ryo whom he had so desperately sought for, for two years. Ryo loved him and at one time Dee would have told you that winning Ryo's love was worth everything in the world to him but now he wondered about that and hated himself for it.

He wondered if had to choose between this moment now with Ryo confessing his undying love but blind and wounded.... Or to never gain Ryo's affection and hear those sweet words but never feel this pain, could he make the right choice? Right now Dee wasn't sure and it only added another layer to his self-loathing.

"I love you too Ryo. Always and forever." Dee whispered back settling for that, at least for now.

Author's Notes...

Wildefyre: Okay guys there you have the first full chapter. The words that you saw at the beginning are to a song called "Everything" by Lifehouse, so they get the credit for that. We are hoping to set up something so that you can go to a site and download the songs and see the full lyrics that Irish and I have chosen as a compliment to each of the chapters. You will then have a mini soundtrack to this story by the time it ends. Neat huh? We wanted to bring you something new and this was what we came up with. Well it was mainly Irish's idea so make sure that once we have things up and running that you thank her.

Irish: Woo! Our first chapter together and I think it runs pretty smoothly. I'm very excited to get it up... I'm sure Dee is too for that matter.... Anyway, let us know what you think. We're working on this piece by piece but it's moving faster than I had expected! Lucky you guys. I'm working on the music but it's been of a struggle so be patient :)