Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Time for Healing ❯ Much Afraid ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: We do not own FAKE or its characters. They belong to Sanami Matoh, lucky girl! Any original characters belong to either Irish or Wildefyre. *See Author's Notes at the end for the proper credits and profiles on those.
Warnings: Thus far just Shounen AI but then again that's what FAKE is anyway. It may become Yaoi further along. This may have the guys out of Character somewhat, so Gomen for that and we are taking some creative freedom on histories & backgrounds and lives as they are now... Deal with it! ^_~

After depositing Dee in the competent hands of his therapists, Ryo knew that he should go run errands stop in at the station or go back to the apartment and clean. He knew that he should be doing something productive but just the prospect of leaving the waiting room seemed insurmountable. After standing dejectedly in the middle of the room, coat in his hand, for a moment he just dropped into one of the low over stuffed chairs.

He dropped his face into his hands, wanting to cry wanting to lance what ever internal wound that was causing him so much pain and distraction but he was simply too weary in spirit and body to produce any tears. 'Get up and do something!' His mind commanded. 'Keep moving and you can't think!' But he couldn't move! He couldn't find the will to get up and out of the chair! He couldn't do anything but sit there with his face in his hands. He didn't have any sense of time passing and he would have most likely sat there until a nurse led Dee out hours later...

A small hand on his leg interrupted his engulfing depression. A little hand resting on his leg, in a waiting room? When he thought that he was alone? He raised his head and opened his eyes. A small child somewhere between the ages of one and two stood before him. She wore a little red pair of overalls with Winnie the Pooh on the bib and a long sleeved white shirt.

She was a perfect little girl with big blue eyes blinking up at him expectantly from under strawberry blonde curls. Ryo noticed that she had a few freckles across her peaches and cream skin and he smiled. She stumbled a little holding on to the crease in his pants to stay on her little sneaker clad feet. Ryo's heart melted in that instant.

"Hey there Little Miss. Where did you come from? Did you just drop from heaven? You look just like a little cherub." Ryo smiled down at her, waiting for the baby babble to start but she just smiled sweetly at him, patting his leg.

"Boy aren't you a quiet one darling? Where's your mommy?" The little girl just raised her arms in the universal 'pick me up' sign. Ryo grinned and lifted the little angel into his lap.

"Where is your mommy?" He asked again and the little girl continued to smile sweetly. Her little hand was now pressing over his neck the fingertips of her other hand resting just lightly over his lips as he spoke. "What are you doing sweet pea?"

"She's listening to you speak." Ryo almost fell out of his chair with embarrassment as he looked up guiltily. It was just poor etiquette to go around picking up other people's kids, especially in New York City where you don't scream Rape... you scream Fire.

"L-Listening to me s-speak?" Ryo choked out as he took in the man no more then ten feet away and sitting on the floor with another little girl. This one appeared to be eight months old or so. The man grinned, not seeming to mind a bit that Ryo was holding his young child.

"She's deaf so she's listening to you speak." Ryo couldn't help but look down sharply at the toddler. Her hands were still on his mouth and one on his throat as she watched him, wide-eyed and silent...

Suddenly it was too much for him. There was something too fucked up in the world when a child so beautiful and innocent could be forever encased in a cocoon of silence. The same for his Dee who had done nothing but try to protect the masses and now may never see again.

It was too unfair! Too cruel! It was beyond Ryo's comprehension and he broke down. He just dropped his head, arms still around the little girl, and wept.

"Whoa." The other man said softly.

Ryo could hear him stand and the other little girl squawk in protest as she was lifted away from her blocks. He fully expected the child in his lap to be lifted away in a hurry. Instead the stranger sat down next to him, wiggling buddle of baby in his lap and put an arm around Ryo's shoulders. The toddler was gently patting him on the cheek too, as the dark haired baby stared at him wide-eyed.

Ryo sobbed all the harder. This strange little family had gathered around him to support him and they didn't even know him. The random act of kindness cut deeper then anything else, breaking down the dam around his pain and it washed over him in torrents.

"Ah... Hey Mister?" The stranger said awkwardly. "I ah... don't really know you but it can't be that bad? I mean, whomever you're here for is well enough to be in therapy and that's a good thing... Mind you that I don't really know your situation but... It will be okay." He finished lamely giving Ryo's shoulders a squeeze.

"N-No it w-won't."

"Yes it will. I've seen damn near everything lad and if you've made it this far then things will be fine in time. Maybe not the same but fine."

"How the hell would you know?" Ryo snapped. How could a stranger have any clue? How dare he presume to know...? To even understand?

"Well I don't just sit in waiting rooms playing with kids. These are my kids and their other father is back there right now too. I know because I've been there. And if you dare say anything about being gay being a sin I will put you in traction myself." Ryo turned and gapped open mouthed at the stranger.

"You're... You're... But the kids...?"

"Both are adopted."

"I... I... I..." Ryo stammered in embarrassment.

"Hey don't worry about it. I saw the gentleman you escorted in. He still looked pretty rough. Do you want to talk about what happened?" The stranger asked gently, his arm still comforting Ryo as his bright blue eyes watched him carefully.

"I should have been there!" Ryo sniffled. "We were working on this case... a serial murderer and all the victims were g-gay." Ryo swiped at his eyes, shifting the weight of the toddler on his lap while unconsciously holding her closer. "I shouldn't have left him alone for so long! I should have called.... When I got there... GOD... There was so much blood!" Ryo shuddered and the tears started to flow again.

"He was queer bashed?" The man's voice was gentle.

"Y-Yes. He almost died just because of whom he loves... just because he loves me! How can people hate like that?"

"I don't know... I really don't know." He cleared his throat. "It...It was the same thing with Andrew. Five guys with bats and crowbars jumped h-him on his way home from work. He never really lost consciousness and that's what kills me! He felt every blow! He was awake all the way to the hospital and until they put him under for emergency surgery. They had to replace his left hip and both knee joints then reconstruct his ankle and foot."

He paused clearing his throat. "He was in the hospital for about 4 months taking on twelve surgeries..." Another pause this time for a deep sigh. "But he's walking now and down to just one crutch. So it does get better. You will make it through this... Both of you."

Ryo looked up at his Good Samaritan and then down at his young daughters. He was proof that there was life after queer bashing and that the world didn't stop moving and that things would get better. They had to get better and it gave Ryo some hope.

Dee just wanted to go back to Ryo's apartment to lay down on his bed and die. Well maybe not die in Ryo's bed... that was a little disgusting but he wanted to never ever have to move again. Every joint and muscle in his body ached and his gut was still clenched in the frustration of trying to learn how to use the stupid fucking cane now clutched in his right hand.

If that weren't bad enough, his fingers were now resting lightly in the crook of some orderly's elbow as he as led about the halls to where ever Ryo was waiting. Dee wasn't big on touching with Ryo being the exception to the rule and so this forced contact had him wanting to scream. He heard a door open and then felt himself being led through it.

"Mr. MacLean? Mr. Latener is done for the day." The orderly said helpfully. Dee frowned even more deeply as the orderly took Dees hand leading it to rest now on Ryo's arm. Ryo patted his hand gently and led him a few paces forward before stopping where Dee could feel the presence of someone else in the room.

"Dee there are some people that I want you to meet." Ryo's voice was sounding more upbeat then Dee had remembered.

"Ryo..." Dee's tone was exasperated and exhausted with the full force of his melancholy behind it.

"I'm sure that you're exhausted Dee so we won't keep you but Ryo's been chattering nonstop about you for the last hour and a half. We thought that we would stick around and meet you. My name is Lyn and my partner, Andrew, is with me." When Lyn paused Dee wondered what he had meant by partner and found himself filing away the few clues the man's voice gave off. The clearest of them was the faint accent, Irish if he wasn't mistaken.

"Hi Dee." A man slightly to the right of Lyn's voice said cheerfully. Dee assumed that he was Andrew, Lyn's partner. "These are our two daughters as well. Keiry is almost two with strawberry blonde hair and about knee high. Then there's Annie who's eight months old and not quite walking yet."

Well that answered Dee's question about what kind of 'partners' Andrew and Lyn were. Dee listened closely for the hint of the children and he cold hear one of them making soft cooing noises but the other gave no hint of her location.

"Isn't Lyn a girl's name?" Dee asked irritably. 'So they were gay guys with kids, who cared. Why the hell did Ryo insist on delaying getting home with this round of awkward introductions?'

"It's short for Merlyn." Lyn answered his tone as amiable as ever.

"I'm happy for you but we're not exactly planning our social calendars at the moment." Dee responded sarcastically. "Can we go now Ryo?"

"Dee! I know that you just went through hell back there in therapy but that gives you no reason to be rude." Ryo squeezed Dee's hand lightly to let him know that he was slightly annoyed. Turning to look at the two men, he smiled through his embarrassment.

"M-Maybe we could get together for dinner sometime? I could even get Cal over to look after the girls for us." He directed the latter part towards Dee hoping that Dee would be okay with it. He really wanted to socialize a little. It had been awhile since he had done anything other than work and take care of Dee.

Lyn and Andrew stood shoulder to shoulder watching the two of them. Lyn had both of the girls, Keiry in a kiddy pack on his back and Annie in his arms while Andrew stood just to his right leaning on his crutch. Both men smiled faintly for Ryo's sake watching as Dee glared at nothing.

"Ryo! The last thing that we need right now is a houseful of kids!"

"Dee..." Ryo swallowed, feeling dumb for how badly he wanted to be friends with these men. A feeling of isolation had started to set in around him and it was starting to scare him. "These girls behave better then you and Bikky do!" This time his voice had an edge to it that made Dee stiffen.

"That's okay Randy." Andrew said quietly with a smile. "You have Lyn's card so call us if you manage to change Dee's mind. We can get a sitter for the kids too."

"T-Thank you." Ryo looked to the floor. "It... It would be nice to talk to someone who has gone down this road before us." He managed to spit out before Dee began yanking on his arm. "I'll call you soon okay?" Ryo sighed in frustration, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. Looking up at the men he gave them a faint smile.

"That's fine." Lyn responded softly.

"Take care, both of you and it was nice meeting you. Thanks for the advice as well." Ryo barely got the goodbyes out before Dee was insistently pulling on him. "All right Dee we're going!" Ryo guided Dee out of the room, giving Andrew and Lyn one final wave and smile before disappearing from view. Once in the car, Ryo let Dee have it.

"That was rude of you Dee! They were just being friendly! Do you know that Andrew was gay bashed as well?" Ryo wanted to get angry with Dee but he knew this was just as hard on his partner as it was on himself.

"I don't care if he was hung by his thumbs by mother Theresa! I am fucking exhausted." Dee shot back. Ryo just sighed softly, knowing it was pointless to argue or do anything but get Dee home and in bed. He practically had a neon sign over his head flashing 'bad mood.'

"Yeah all right Dee! We are on out way." He paused for a moment. "You should have seen those kids they were adorable. Keiry is Deaf did you know that? It's just amazing to watch her sign! Her hands are so little!" Ryo beamed and Dee snorted.

"No puppies and definitely no babies Ryo."

"I didn't say that I wanted one!" Ryo sighed. "Annie now...Gosh her eyes are huge and she just watches everything. I swear that she sees everything that happens! You certainly couldn't sneak anything past that kid."

"Ryo! I don't like kids remember? That was something we established shortly after meeting each other." Dee sunk down in his seat.

The city was alive with more noises then his brain could process. He could hear a jackhammer off in the distance and the horn of a car as well as cuss words being strewn. Then there was the loud music from car stereos and those obnoxious boom boxes the kids toted around. It was too noisy for him and he made a face.

"What's wrong?" Ryo asked. He had glanced over at Dee to see him making a face that in most situations would have been funny!

"Nothing... It's just... Dammit! Was the city always this loud? I feel like my ears are gonna start bleeding at any moment!" Dee groaned crossing his arms as Ryo started the car and then wincing as the rumble of the engine even got to him.

"What do you mean? It sounds the same as always."

"Well it sounds louder to me! Let's just get home okay?" Dee sighed and Ryo nodded then remembered that Dee couldn't see him.

"Okay Dee. We're on our way." Ryo cautiously pulled out into traffic. "So what did you do in therapy today?"

"I tried to figure out how to use this damn cane." Dee brandished the folded white cane. "It makes no goddamn sense! I think that they are crazy if they think that I'm going to hear where the floor is."

"Give it time Dee." Ryo responded. His eyes fixated on the traffic in front of him.

"Give it Time Dee! The next person who says that to me is gonna fucking eat this cane!" Dee spat out. "Or have it shoved up their ass, whichever end I find first!"

"I'm sorry Dee." Ryo said, truly sympathetic as he reached over and gave Dee's hand a pat.

"Stop that dammit! People pat their frigging granny's hand because they feel bad that she's been constipated for a week! I'm not some old coot who can't do a shittin' thing!" Dee snapped at Ryo and once again felt the icy chill fill the car's interior.

"You're right Dee and I apologize." Ryo hissed through clenched teeth. "You're not a granny, you're a two year old pissed off because things aren't going their way instead!" He found himself laying on the horn as traffic came to a near stand still. That was uncharacteristic of him. He was the patient one, the calm cool and collected one yet over the past few weeks that all went to hell in a hand basket. Now he was finding that losing his temper was becoming easier then ever. In fact it felt so damn good to lay on the horn that he did it again so that its feeble honk could join a chorus of other horns.

"Dammit Ryo! When did you become such an asshole?" Ryo turned to Dee and stared a moment, taking in Dee's set jaw and the white knuckles gripping the cane.

Ryo simply unbuckled his belt and climbed out of the car. Traffic was now completely stopped. Ryo slammed the door behind him as hard as he could. If he had been in the passenger seat he would have walked home but he wasn't and as much as he was tempted, he would not abandon Dee in this urban jungle. Instead he stood in the middle of New York City rush hour traffic, hands thrust into his hair and staring up at the sky. He found himself wishing for some divine intervention, or inspiration. Hell he would settle for a divinely written fortune cookie at the moment but the smog filled sky offered him nothing.

He kicked the driver's side tire as traffic began to move again and now the horns were blaring at him. Slipping back into the car he gripped the steering wheel tightly, seatbelt totally neglected as he started to inch along with the other vehicles.

"Well that was fun." Dee commented dryly.

"Go to hell!" Ryo shot back. All he wanted was to get Dee home and slip into the shower, his only sanctuary since Dee came home. It became the only place he could pull out of the care taker role and just be himself again, even if it was short lived.

"News flash baby. I'm all ready living it." Dee smirked. Silence fell over them both until the car finally came to a halt.

"I'll get you into the lobby and then I need to find another parking space." Ryo got out and walked over to the passenger side and opened the door. Even though Ryo had secured a handicapped parking badge to hang on the rearview mirror, he always felt the need to only use the space in front of his apartment building for picking up and dropping Dee off.

"Will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes?" Ryo asked as he helped Dee out of the car and into the building, sitting him down on a small bench. "Yeah but uh..." Dee hesitated.

"But what?" Ryo ground out, trying not to scream. If Dee asked one more thing of him he was going to loose it.

"Well two things actually... Will you take this with you?" Dee held out the folded white cane. "And can I borrow your sunglasses?" Ryo blinked then sighed, taking the cane and replacing it with his sunglasses.

"There! Now I will be right back and for the love of all things sacred. DO NOT MOVE!" Ryo strode away before Dee could say anything. He paused only when he was out of hearing range of Dee then turning back to watch for a moment. Dee had slipped on the sunglasses and then leaned back on the bench. He was trying to look 'normal' Ryo realized. With a shake of his head he continued out to park the car.

Dee sat on the bench, leaning back against the wall as if he belonged there and was just sitting in the lobby, hanging out. 'Nothing to see here folks...' but he felt like everyone whom he heard passing by was staring. He felt vulnerable as if he had a large arrow pointing to his head that said 'victimize me.' He fidgeted with the crease in his jeans. "How long did it take to park a car anyway...?" He said under his breath.

Ryo had found a parking spot easily. I would seem that lady luck was taking some pity on him and his frazzled nerves. When he went to turn off the engine he wound up turning the key the wrong way making the engine grind terribly. Quickly he turned it the other way but the noise had startled him sending the last of his calm resolve out the window and he simply burst into tears.

Hiding behind his arms against the steering wheel he sobbed knowing that while he would see the wonder the world had to offer, Dee would see only darkness. That thought was the one thing that kept going through his mind and then tearing through his heart... All he kept thinking about was that emerald green eyes might never look at him in the same way again.

Wildefyre: Please don't hate us if Ryo or Dee are out of character... This is just fiction remember that. I'll have the next chapter out as soon as can format it, so please be patient. Oh and the words are to a song by Jars of Clay called "Much Afraid."

Irish: This chapters lyrics were oh so slightly altered for our purpose at the end of the chorus I deleted two lines so if you really want to know what they were email me and I will email the lyrics in full to you. Remember Ryo and Dee are in an extremely adverse situation at the moment. They aren't going to be their usual selves. I'm working my butt off to try and figure out how to post MP3's for you guys to listen to the soundtrack. If you are dying to hear this music you should be able to find it on most mp3 sites or AIM (gypysenigma) MSNM (irishlafey@hotmail.com) or Yahoo (gabe_dewinter) me and we can arrange something. Definitely R & R. We're working our tails off and love to hear your praise or CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.