Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Time for Healing ❯ Dee's Lesson Part II ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: We do not own FAKE or its characters. They belong to Sanami Matoh, lucky girl! Any original characters belong to either Irish or Wildefyre.
Warnings: Thus far just Shounen AI but then again that's what FAKE is anyway. It may become Yaoi further along. This may have the guys out of Character somewhat, so Gomen for that and we are taking some creative freedom on histories & backgrounds and lives as they are now... Deal with it! ^_~

Dee opened his eyes, stretching out the kinks, wincing when joints popped and creaked, feeling very old all of a sudden. Grabbing his cane, he slowly got to his feet, wincing again when pain shot through his knees. "Okay now to find Drew. God I hope that I can do this. I want Ryo to be proud of me." Dee spoke softly to the empty room. "I just hope that I can find the strength to go back to him." He frowned deeply. Until he could sort all that had happened out in his mind a life with Ryo would have to be put on hold.

Sighing heavily Dee headed out into the hallway and cocked his head to listen. No noise filtered to him and so he carefully made his way to the stairs, trying to remember how many paces until he found them. Dee smiled when his cane hit upon the right thing, the beginning of the staircase, which he moved down slowly. He wondered if anyone had ever tried to close their eyes and walk up or down a flight of steps with a stick as their guide or was that something no one would dare do? "Not that I have a choice..." He chuckled to himself.

The descent was slow but before he knew it he was at the bottom and once more he listened. He could hear noises coming from the kitchen and so he slowly made his way there, counting in his head the paces it took to get him there. Dee felt a sense of pride swirl around his heart when he realized that he had done it and was now standing in the kitchen. He heard Drew nearby, dishes clanging and he was obviously talking on the phone as well. Clearing his throat softly he got Drew's attention.

"Your neighborhood nut has arrived." Dee snickered and felt for the island and the stools that stood to one side of it.

"Hey you need to audition for that position." Drew chuckled. "And actually I'm glad that you came down. The phone is for you." Andrew handed the receiver to Dee before examining what he had set out on the counter. A pot a strainer, pasta and bread. It was enough to seed a small army if he made all of it. He was used to cooking for three or more not just two. Dee stiffened at first, unsure if he should take the call. He was going to whack Drew if it was Ryo that was certain, considering Drew knew that he couldn't face his partner just yet.

"H-Hello?" His voice was shaky as he spoke and sweat formed on his brow and in his palms, making holding the phone a little tougher.

"Hey ya Dee old buddy! How are you feeling?" Drakes voice was loud over the line, as always and cheerful though an underlying concern could be heard. "Ted and I were just talking about you and thought that we should give you a call and see what your sorry ass was up to?"

"Damn it's good to hear from you." Dee perked up a bit. "I'm doing okay. How'd you get this number you old fart? I just got here myself!" Dee chuckled softly, happy to hear familiar voices.

"Well JJ came back to the station, talking about some big guy named Franz. What the hell is that about buddy? Anyway, we made a few phone calls and got redirected there. So are you back on your feet there numb nuts? Although I got to say it's a way to take advantage of disability pay."

"Believe me I'd rather be there even if it means being jumped by JJ and having to keep Rose away from Ryo." Dee sighed. Just the mention of Ryo's name felt like someone was stabbing him in his heart. "Damn it'd be great to sit down and talk to you guys. I miss all of you." The sigh that left Dee's lips was filled with sadness and pain. "Maybe we can get together somehow..."

Drew's head shot up. A solution to his problems! He could cook what he felt like and not be eating leftovers for a month. "Invite them for dinner I have more food then I know what to do with." He offered.

Dee grinned like a fool ready to dive head first into a keg of beer. "Hey do you and Ted want to come here for dinner?" Dee asked in hope that they would say yes.

"That depends entirely on who's cooking? If its you there isn't enough money in the world to make me come over." Drake chuckled. "Otherwise, sure. You up for some poker..?" There was an oomph as Drake was elbowed in the gut with Ted's voice hissing in the background. 'He's blind you jackass!'

"Tell Ted to lighten up!" Dee laughed. "No I'm not cooking, not yet anyway. And what the hell is wrong with my cooking? You didn't complain about the steaks I made the last time! You asshole shit can! My buddy Drew is cooking. Or as JJ calls him, Franz is cooking." Dee made a valiant effort at imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger as he spoke.

"Yeah you just wish that you were that built asshole. All right man. I suppose I can't ask your blind ass for direction, unless you're the daredevil or some weird shit like that and contrary to all your bragging stamina is not a super power?" Drake held the phone away from his mouth. "What do you say Ted? Up for some grub with Dee and Franz?"

"Whose cooking? Dee or Franz?"

"Don't worry, it's Franz."

"All right I'm in."

Drake put the phone back to his mouth. "All right dipstick we're in."

"Great! Hang on and I'll put Fra.... I mean Drew on to give you mindless pricks some directions and a time." Dee laughed even more. "Oh and if you forget the beer? I'm kicking your sorry asses out." Dee held out the phone to Drew. "The pea brains need directions since I really didn't see which way we drove to get here. And tell them 20 minutes or so earlier then you want them to be here, the dip shits are always late."

Drew chuckled and took the phone to give the detectives directions before hanging up. "All right it's all set. Now you get to help cook." Drew grinned. It was the perfect excuse to get Dee some kitchen skills.

"Wait! I just told them that I wasn't cooking." Dee looked shock and a little apprehensive. "I mean I want them to come by Drew not run as soon as they get here. My culinary skills are fair at best with my sight and without it I'm bound to suck big time." Dee explained.

"We're making spaghetti not Filet Mignon. You can stir can't you?"

"I can stir a lot of things! I can stir up trouble. I can stir up a few sexy things in thongs. I can stir up emotions. What should I stir up for you?" Dee laughed as he sat there, eyes blank and emotionless despite the humor.

"Well I was thinking more along the lines of stirring Marinara sauce or buttering the garlic bread. Your choice." Drew leaned on the counter in front of Dee watching him carefully and trying to read his body language."

"It'll be good to talk to my buds from the station but I'm not sure just how I'll handle any questions about Ryo and I." Dee sighed. His heart still ached for a man that he just couldn't be near at the moment. "I guess that I'll stir the sauce." Dee finally said, unsure about anything other then the fact that he missed Ryo more then he ever thought possible.

"Well, maybe just tell them that you're here so that I can show you the ropes first before you go home to Ryo." Andrew slipped an arm around Dee's shoulders and guided him across the kitchen to the stove. Putting a wooden spoon in his hand and then guiding the other to the handle of the pot he helped him to start. "Just don't burn yourself okay?"

"It wouldn't hurt as much as this pain in my heart that's for sure." Dee sighed as held the pot handle with one hand and stirred with the other. "I do love him. I do! I-I just can't get past this feeling of inadequacy enough to have him back in my life. What scares me the most is, I don't know if I'll ever get past it."

"You will Dee. You will." Drew patted him on the back moving back over to the counter. "You're in a new and scary place so you just need to get your bearings then it will pass..." He paused. "Or at least lessen." He added quietly.

"What do I do if it never goes away? If that feeling of being tainted stays and I can't love him. What do I do then?" Dee sighed. "Two years plus are going to hell in a hand basket and I can't stop it. All because of some bitch who thought she could make me straight as an arrow."

"It will pass Dee, that part of feeling tainted will. People have recovered from far more." It was the best that Drew had to offer.

"Yeah... Sure." Dee fell silent, needing advice, reassurance, a boost to his ego yet finding closed doors. "How will I know if this is done?" He finally said, the good old Dee facade was firmly back in place, masking the pain hidden within.

Drew paused what he was doing watching Dee carefully. The man was an enigma in a Pandora's Box... with a lock that was a rubix cube. His body language was hard to read and Andrew wasn't sure if it was the blindness or if the man just didn't have very communicative body language. But something was nagging at Andrew and he moved over to stand next to Dee taking the spoon from his hand and setting the pot off the burner. "Dee? What's on your mind."

"Fear..." Dee spoke it yet it sounded so foreign. He never felt fear before. He had been in many situations where fear should have materialized yet he was always able to suppress it. "I fear never regaining my sight. I fear never being able to love Ryo. I fear him tiring of me and moving on without me. Most of all, I fear being alone in this world of darkness." Dee stood there, arms at his sides, ebony locks hiding his eyes and the glaze they contained.

"Dee.." Andrew's voice was gentle as he gripped his shoulders firmly. "You are not alone. There are lots of people who care for you. Mother Penguin, the guys from the precinct... Hell, I care for you and Ryo cares for you. No matter what. You have a lot of people around you trying to help. People recover from being molested Dee. Believe me... Lyn... well... lets just say I know okay? It's not gonna happen right away. But you will be okay."

"I was a cop Drew. I worked cases where the victims didn't recover. They fell into an abyss that choked the life out of them. There were victims whose relationships and even marriages fell apart because they had been attacked or raped. Dammit Drew I didn't want to admit this, I'm ashamed of it as it were... "I told you that I thought of Ryo while she was touching me... I-I... Dear God!" Dee pointed his head upwards.

"I didn't realize it at first. I guess I blocked it. But I had to eventually block him from my mind until she gave up." Dee paused to find the words he needed to say. "The man that I loved, his image at least... His face and his body that I pictured were helping that bitch." Dee pulled from Drew's grasp, leaning on the corner and panting hard, trying to catch his breath.

Drew stood just behind him, not wanting to touch him if he didn't want to be touched. "You are strong Dee. You have love and support, and an understanding partner. You will get past this Dee. We will all pull and tug and fight for you even if you won't fight for yourself. I've seen people farther down then you, rise like a phoenix from the ashes. You can too Dee. You can too."

"I hope that you're right Drew because right now I feel like I have reached the end of that damn proverbial tunnel only to find that it's nothing but a dead end." Dee sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "W-What else do you need me to do? I need to stay busy." He needed distractions now, he didn't want to think, didn't want to remember. It hurt too much to do so.

"Want a hug?" It sounded corny as hell but after what they just talked about, Drew wasn't about to glomp him or anything.

"Yeah... That would help right about now." Dee stood there waiting for the touch, almost holding his breath and hoping that he wouldn't flinch or feel the urge to push away. If he could just get past this stumbling block, he could see a way out of that tunnel. Andrew embraced his friend carefully, also waiting for the sign to back off or that it was too much.

Slowly Dee brought his arms up and around Drew, accepting the embrace and feeling a sense of comfort settle over his soul, at least for the time being. "I can't make any promises Drew but I'll try and fight my way back. I may have bad days where I just want to give up and die but I'll try and hang in there." Dee spoke softly his voice quivering with emotions.

Encouraged Andrew hugged him tightly. "That's what the rest of us are here for. To drag you along kicking and screaming if we have to. We won't let you fail Dee."

"Good because I'm stubborn and pig headed as hell... Just ask Ryo." Dee gave Drew a squeeze and smiled. "You know if Ted and Drake saw this we'd have a LOT of explaining to do."

"Bah just tell him that we're swapping for a while. You know, to spice things up a bit." Drew chuckled then stepped away. "Your next challenge grasshopper is to set the dinning room table."

"Tell Ryo that we're swapping and watch how many shades of red he'll turn." Dee smiled again. "I hope that he and Lyn grow close. Err not close as in lover close but best friend close. I get this feeling from what little I know of Lyn that he may be able to help Ryo overcome that shyness he has. I know that Ryo can be a cuddly type when he wants to be, even if he refuses to admit it." Dee stood there for a minute in thought. "Oh right! The table... Okay where's what and for the love of God don't use good dishes with Ted and Drake or you'll live to regret it."

Andrew chuckled. "I have kids. We don't have good dishes. To your right, second cupboard in. First shelf are the plates, second shelf are the glasses and the drawer below has silverware. Nothing sharp and you're going to have to fish to find stuff that isn't chopsticks."

"Oh God not you guys too?" Dee groaned. "I'm surround with Japanese... I need all American! Beer, cigarettes, good drinking buds and the right to scratch my ass without being bitch at for it! The American way I tell you!" Dee grinned as he felt for the right cabinet and got down the plates.

"No wonder we are so popular in foreign countries." Andrew remarked mildly. "Yeah we eat with chopsticks and Lyn has a bit of a vice for cigarettes, liquor as well, though I try and discourage him on both."

Dee set the table hoping that he was getting the plates in their proper places and then went to get utensils, laughing when he all he felt at first were chopsticks. "You weren't kidding about the chopsticks, holy shit." Dee sighed happily when he found the proper utensils, taking them to the table. Andrew brought the pot of spaghetti and set it on the table along with a salad. The garlic bread was still in the oven, waiting for the last moment to be taken out.

"Anything else?" Dee asked, feeling the heat rise in the kitchen. It was hot outside as well and he was also dying for a cigarette.

"Nope just waiting for you compadres" Andrew leaned back against the wall, grateful for the air conditioning, despite the fact that the kitchen was several degrees warmer from all the cooking.

"Great... Uh excuse me a minute." Dee managed to find the backdoor and stepped out into the muggy night. Leaning against the wall he grabbed his cigarettes from his shirt pocket and lit one, taking a slow drag and enjoying it. Yeah he was addicted, so what! Life was short, may as well enjoy it while you can.

Standing there he pictured in his mind the many nights he spent sitting on the fire escape with Ryo, watching the city below. Usually they would sit there silently, words long ago spoken and now not needed. That's just how he wanted it right now... Silent.

The sliding glass door slid open. "Dude these are some pretty nice digs. Your friends have a little money Dee. Sure as hell ain't cops!" Drake's voice boomed over the backyard as he and Ted stepped onto the porch.

"Holy shit that is a big mother fucking dog..." Ted added more quietly already fumbling for the door again. "Heh... Dee... you ah m-might want to come inside... Nice doggie." Duke cocked his head as he advanced on the new visitors, already sniffing the air around them curiously.

"That's it Duke, make sure that they behave or you can bite their balls off." Dee grinned. "I'd love to come in but I have this and I'm staying out until it's gone!" Dee held up his cigarette, hoping that Drew wouldn't be offended if he smelled like tobacco. "So either come out or get in... Make your choice."

Ted edged out onto the porch after Drake. "You sure that sucker don't bite? I mean I know you can't see or whatever... but that's no Chihuahua..."

Drake rolled his eyes at his partner. "If he was vicious I doubt that Dee would be standing out here with him. Get real Ted." Drake took out his own pack of smokes and lit up. "So is Franz some sort of clean air Nazi or something? I mean is there a reason we're sweating our balls off out here when it's so much cooler inside?"

"No comment guys. All I'll say to that is, he makes Ryo seem like one of the little piggies." Dee laughed. "Ted you're such an ass! He'll kill ya with kindness before he'd use his teeth on you." Dee smirked. "So what's the latest news back at the precinct?"

"Yeah you're not the one with a nose in your crotch!" Ted exclaimed as Duke sniffed him. Ted wound up tap dancing about the porch to avoid the curious muzzle.

"Ted has obviously never had pets." Drake rolled his eyes. "Pretty same old same old ya know? We had this missing person case this morning right? Well it turns out the old fogey got a little misplaced on his totter home and ended up in the neighbors house instead of his own. The neighbors were out of town so no once noticed... Real valuable use of man power ya know?"

"Yeah... Has Ryo been back to work yet?" Dee wanted to kick himself for asking but he had to know. Stamping out his cigarette he bent down and picked up the butt to throw it out as he herded them back into the house.

"Nah man, he called in sick today. Rose was ready to shit a brick! I swear that man is intentionally giving Ryo the shit cases with lots of paper work... We told him we could take a little heavier load for a while but... well you know Rose. They should send an archeological expedition to remove the stick up his ass.... or at least move it around a little so he can get off on it." Drake said with a shrug.

"Damn him! So help me god if he tries anything I'll rip the fucker's balls off and shove them up his ass... Though knowing Rose... He'd find that erotic." Dee stopped in the kitchen and found the trash can then washed his hands. "Come on I'll introduce you to Drew." Dee said as he went towards the dinning room.

Andrew who was letting Duke in from the back yard, turned to face Dee as he walked in with Drake and Ted. "Hey Dee." Andrew called amiably, letting Dee know where he was standing. "Pull up a chair everyone dinner is ready... though if you want to eat in front of the TV I'm sure that there is a basketball game on or I think Lyn has 'South Park: The Movie." Andrew added, thinking that that might be right up their alley.

"If it's okay with you... I'd rather eat at the table. Not like the tube would interest me... Kind of hard to enjoy what you can't see." Dee lowered his head though his voice held a tinge of bitterness. "Drew these nuts are Ted and Drake. Guys this is Drew." Dee made his way to the table and sat down after he made the introductions then waited for the others to join him.

Andrew intentionally sat to Dee's right letting Drake and Ted sit where they wished. "Pleased to meet you Ted and Drake." Andrew shook each of their hands, not particularly sure which was which. "I'm Andrew. The monster is Duke and he's about as vicious as a kitten. Go ahead and dish up." He shuffled the food down towards the guests.

"Since the wet noodle here didn't say it... I'm Ted and this is Drake." Ted smiled and dished out some pasta, nudging Dee at the same time. "Hey schmuck, you just gonna sit there or are you gonna eat?"

"Yeah... Sure, eat." Dee realized that this was a bad idea. He found himself thinking more and more of Ryo and it was almost killing him.

'What's your problem?" Ted glanced at Dee. "Didn't you get laid lately or something?" He laughed not seeing Dee's fists balling up.

Drew however did see the movement and deftly steered the conversation away from that particular topic. "I heard that the Knicks did pretty good against the Wolves last week." As he served Dee some of the spaghetti he prayed that it had been last week that he had heard it on the news. "You want sauce and salad and what not?" He asked quietly.

"Just a little please." Dee replied. "Nice try Drew..." Was all that Dee said.

"Yeah that was a great game! Did you see it Dee?" Drake asked. "It was awesome man! The lay ups were some of the best. Maybe ESPN will show some highlight pieces so that you can see it if you did miss it."

"Uh Drake? Shut up!" Ted replied and used his head to motion towards Dee. Both men looked at the blank stare coming from once vibrant emerald green eyes.

"Shit... Sorry." Drake sighed.

"Hey Dee we brought the beer." Ted smiled.

"Thanks but I'm on meds. I can't drink guys, sorry. I was just busting you on the phone about it because I want some but know that I can't." Dee's voice was almost a whisper as he started to eat. "What? Is there something stuck on my teeth? I can feel your eyes on me man... Knock it off." Dee growled. "I'm blind okay...? Can't see shit! May never see again... Satisfied?"

"Whatever Dee." Drake chuckled nervously. "You'll be back to the same prick we all know and love in a few weeks." He turned his eyes down at his plate.

"Dee..." Ted tried for more tact. "Listen man, we're your pals okay? You're my best bud. Everything is cool with us." Andrew remained silent, deftly wielding his chopsticks to push his food about on his plate.

"Yeah thanks. Listen I'm sorry maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I've got a lot on my mind lately and well needless to say, I'm not the best of company. Sorry." Dee pushed his plate aside, not feeling very hungry. "So tell me what's been going on other then the lame cases? Any good gossip I should know about?"

"Gossip...? You know the desk clerk... What's her name? You know who, well apparently she's got a thing for Rose. He is of course totally ignoring her. And JJ has a picture of you on his desk with little hearts around the frame..." Ted chuckled. "Man when the hell is he gonna figure out that you're just not interested in buying what he's selling?"

"When hell freezes over that's when." Dee smirked. "He'd just love to get inside my jeans and claim his prize. Well that's not going to happen. Not by a long shot!" Dee laughed a little.

Seeing Dee lighten up some, Drake chimed in. "I swear one of these days we're going to find him trying some voodoo shit to get in your pants. I saw him walk out of the station with roses today. Did that numb nuts seriously bring you red roses?" Drake chuckled between bites.

"Yeah... Then he starts rambling about how I should look at just how pretty they are. Duh! The only color I see is black!" Dee smirked. "Then the little prick grabs my frigging ass! Can you believe it? My ass! Like I'm going to start getting all aroused from him touching me. Think again JJ!"

"Dude seriously!" Ted rolled his eyes. "That guy has the finesse of a bulldozer! Mind you, I don't swing that way but you sure as hell don't get chicks by grabbing ass. What a dick!"

"No shit? So did you pound him into the dirt Dee? Just take that cane of yours and beat him into submission?" Drake snickered taking a gulp of milk from his glass.

"No Drew took care of it..." Dee smiled. "Care to fill them in Franz?"

Andrew groaned. "Please don't tell me that 'Franz' has stuck on me? Yeah I just did a little restraint move on him and he gave up pretty quick. He's got low pain tolerance."

"Oh yeah? You got some Jackie Chan moves too? Ryo kicks some ass with that shit! You should see him take Dee down. What was it Dee? He bested you eight out of ten at one of the workouts?" Drake laughed as he cleaned his plate happily.

"I let him win. After all what a better way to get him on the floor and on top of me?" Dee laughed. "Yup I let him take me down. The man just oozes sex appeal. Now Ryo is more then welcome to what I have in my jeans!" Dee snickered. Andrew smiled behind his own glass of milk glad to see Dee loosening up a little bit.

"Yeah yeah Dee. We hear you brag about your dick all the time but you never produce man. Not that I want to look at your dick, dude." Drake assured smugly. "But really if your going to brag you got to follow through with the goods."

"You wanna see Drake old buddy?" Dee got a devilish grin on his face. "I'd be happy to show my wares. Oh I don't brag baby. Eight inches of solid meat is packed inside these jeans! Can you top it?" The conversation was really getting raunchy but Dee didn't care. After all this was his territory now.

"Ah... Can we keep it in your pants until we are not at the dinning room table? And if drake can't top it, I can." Drew said quietly, smirking slightly. Both Ted and Drake turned and stared at the quiet Buddhist whom they had assumed was a prude to boot.

"Okay Drew... Put up or shut up! Inches only please. No need to show us, we'll take your word for it." Ted laughed. "Look at Dee! He's bumming big time! King Dong is about to be dethroned!"

"Did I mention that that's 8 inches and its thick to boot?" Dee looked worried now. "Okay Drew you opened your mouth... Now give us the count!" Dee grinned. "Or are you too bashful big guy?"

"Don't worry too much Dee. I only got about half an inch on you. I'm about eight and a half inches if you must know." Andrew informed them as he gathered up their plates.

"Okay Ted is he blushing?" Dee grinned.

"Sure is. Worse then Ryo too." Ted laughed. "Speaking of which? What does he come in at?" Ted laughed. "Bigger? Smaller? The same? Inquiring minds want to know buddy!"

"I-I wouldn't know. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I haven't seen it." Dee felt the air go out of his bubble all too quickly.

"What? Losing your touch huh? Can't score with him yet? Damn talk about being frigid?" Drake smirked. Dee remained silent, lowering his head and sighing.

"We're not to together anymore. Okay?" Dee confessed. "Why the hell do you think that I'm here?"

Drake and Ted's jaws dropped open simultaneously and they exchanged looks. "Damn Dee. What happened? We thought for sure... I mean he was with you every day in the hospital and then you went home with him..." Ted trailed off too shocked to even finish the thought.

"It's a long story... Too long." Dee covered his face with his hands. "I screwed up big time and well... I thought it best to just give him his walking papers. He's a free man now." Dee sighed trying to hold back the emotions. "Hey it wouldn't have worked out anyway. He and I are just too different plus I just got tired of waiting for him to make a decision about us."

Dee put on a false smile. "Simply put... He was cramping my style! Being celibate for 2 years is not a good thing. Nope it's not fun in the slightest."

"Yeah okay Dee."

"Whatever you say hombre." Neither man even came close to believing him but whatever he needed to tell himself to get through the day was okay with them. Andrew, like a watchful parent, kept an ear on the conversation from the kitchen as he rinsed off the dishes.

"You don't believe me do you? Call him okay? You'll see that I'm right. I cheated on him okay?" Dee lied. "What can I say? My libido caused me to stray and I blew it. End of story." Dee grabbed his cane and stood. "Guess I'll always be a player huh?" Dee kept up the charade. Wanting to protect Ryo, he made himself look like scum. In the kitchen Andrew shook his head.

Ted and Drake looked at each other then back at Dee. They didn't believe it, not for a second. "Listen Dee, we had better go. But you just hang in there buddy and call whenever. Soon as you're off those meds we'll get piss ass drunk, all right?" Drake stood clapping Dee on the shoulder.

Ted followed suit. "Yeah Dee, if you need anything... Just call."

"Eat and run huh? I guess that I'm not good enough for you guys anymore. I can't see, can't screw, can't do my job... I'm useless to the last drop." Dee headed for the sliding doors. He needed a cigarette badly. "Hey take care now... See ya around sometime." Stepping outside, Dee leaned against the wall, letting out a puff of air as tears started slipping down over his cheeks.

"Ah... Thanks for Dinner Fr- Andrew..." Ted called as he and Drake made a beeline for the door.

"You're welcome." Andrew called after them before wiping his hands on a towel and stepping out onto the porch with Duke right on his heels. "Hey Dee." He called softly, leaning against the wall next to him.

Wrapping his arms around himself and wanting to just whither up, Dee lowered his head. "It hurts... It hurts so fucking much! God dammit! I tried to protect him... I really did. They were calling him frigid!"

Drew's arm came around Dee's shoulders in an attempt at comforting him. "I know that you did." He said, feeling Dee's pain and wishing that there was more that he could do for him.

"It's so different now. Nothing feels right. Everything has changed and God I hate it... Oh God! Let me die and be done with it!" Dee tilted his head upwards, tears spilling in torrents down over his cheeks. The pain in his heart was greater then he was able to handle.

"Come here." Drew said softly, pulling Dee into his arms and holding him close. "I know Dee. I know how hard it is. It will get better though... it will."

Dee fell against Drew, his heart aching with each sob that tore from his throat. He would never be the man that he once was and the future that lay ahead for him scared the living hell out of him. "So much pain..." Dee mumbled as his body shook violently. He cried until he had spent the rest of his energy and all that remained was a shell now void of the emotions that he had been holding in for all these weeks.

Andrew just held him, rubbing his back and wishing like hell that there was some quick fix, some soul Neosporin but there wasn't. This was one hell you had to walk through to come out on the other side. There was no express train for this. "It will be okay Dee." He affirmed quietly. "Things will work out." Dee said nothing more, taking solace in the comforting arms now surrounding him and wishing like hell that they were Ryo's instead. Yet he knew that wishes like that rarely came true for him. He was after all, Dee Latener... The world's biggest screw up.

Andrew gave him an extra tight squeeze. "Smoke a couple more and then we'll go inside to wallow in air conditioning ice cream and self pity okay?" There was no reprimand in Andrew's voice, it was a genuine offer.

Dee shook his head, wiping his eyes as he sank to the ground and lit up. Maybe Drew was right, maybe it would get better... OR maybe he was setting himself up for another let down. Only time would tell now.

W ildefyre: Maybe it's time we start saying thanks to the people that have reviewed this story and have helped to keep us motivated as we move along. This thing is bigger then Irish and I ever thought it would be. We're talking 30 to 40 chapters here! OUCH! I have some 40 plus AIM windows saved and each one of them represents almost one full chapter! That's a lot of writing folks! It has also meant many night where I myself have gotten about an hour of sleep before having to get up and get my two kids ready for school so take pity on us and review the hell out of thing!

Domo Arigato Gozaimasu! Thank you very much!

Irish: Yeah what Wildefyre said. Thanks everyone we are working our buts off and all ready working on a fic that comes after this. Woohoo... I think we are just gluttons for punishment. For any of you who are following "Standing Outside the Fire." I am continuing to work on it but I'm struggling with it a bit. Hopefully it will be updated soon. Lyn and Drew pics soon to come as well.