Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ DST3K ❯ I'm Late!!! ( Chapter 1 )

Digitally Screwed-Up Theater 3000

Chapter one: I'm Late!!!

"Good work, Akaimon," said Squall to the flaming red tiger Digimon that had just felled a control spire. "I think that should do it for today. Lets go home my friend."

Akaimon flashed before releasing a Digi-egg. The egg returned to Squall's D-Terminal as the Digimon devolved back to the more familiar form of a black and white rabbit/opossum-like creature. Squall retrieved his partner and was about to find the nearest Digi-port when a large evil Digimon with dark armor, a dark billowing cape, and gauntlets and a helmet designed to look like dragonheads appeared before them.

"Who are you!?!" yelled Squall

The Digimon spoke not a word but merely raised his hand up and opened it in front of Squall's face. From his hand he released a strong wind that knocked Squall and Diamon backwards, knocking them both unconscious.

~***~

Squall awoke to find himself in a strange place. The floor was made of cold gray metal and Squall could see the starry night through a row of windows… wait! It wasn't night! It looked more like…

"Space?" Squall said, astonished. Now that he thought about it, this place did kind of look like the bridge of one of those space ships like on "Star Trek" or something like that. Complete with control panels and a large viewing screen. Squall got to his feet and began to rub his head, trying to take this all in when…

"Wakey-wakey, toast and cakey!" came a familiar sounding voice. Squall turned his head to the right and standing there in the doorway was none other than Davis Motomiya.

"Davis? What're you doing here? Where's Diamon?" said Squall, perplexed.

"He's right here," said Davis as he stepped aside. The little Digimon happily scampered into the room and climbed up onto his partner's shoulder.

"Is he awake yet?" came another familiar (if not slightly irritated) voice from just beyond the doorway. A moment later Ken entered, carrying Wormmon and with Veemon following close behind. Squall was just about to ask what was going on when…

"Let me guess. Some nasty looking evil Digimon hit you with some weirdo attack and when you woke up you were here," said Ken matter-o'-fact-ly. Squall nodded.

"The same thing happened to us," Davis explained.

"Well, that's what happened to you and me," said Ken in a straightforward fashion. "Davis is here because they tricked him. They distracted him with shiny objects."

Davis folded his arms over his chest and gave a sigh of annoyance.

Suddenly, the large viewing screen crackled to life displaying an image of that same evil Digimon, as well as the image of a strange little DemiDevimon, which had a weird cross in his forehead instead of a skull, and a young man with long silver hair who was about the same age as Squall.

"Sephiroth!" Squall shouted in shock.

"Gee, when did you join "The Sephiroth Choir", Squall," Seph joked.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the evil Digimon spoke up. "I am Chaoticmon. Your soon to be master."

"How do you figure that!" shouted Davis, ready for a fight.

"I have devised a conniving scheme to conquer both worlds," Chaoticmon began. "I will flood the 'net with horrible Digimon fanfiction, thus driving the human populace insane and bending every Digimon in the Digiworld to my will."

"That's your plan??" said Squall, utterly dumbfounded by its lack of originality.

"Damn… that's clever…" Davis wasn't dumbfounded he was just dumb.

"What a dumb-ass plan," Ken commented.

"Hey! It worked on these two potheads! Reducing them to my willing slaves!" Chaoticmon quickly defended. "Although I'll admit, they're not exactly 'grade A' test subjects."

"Hey!" Seph shouted, offended.

"And because of their lack of IQ," Chaoticmon continued. "I thought it appropriate to test my plot on more evolved life forms before I unleashed it on the unsuspecting worlds."

"Well, that explains why I am here, but why did you bring in Tweetle-dumb and Tweetle-dumber?" said Ken as he thumbed toward Squall and Davis.

"That was cruel, Ken," commented Squall.

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" yelled Davis.

"That's 'resent' not 'resembled'," Squall corrected, sharply.

"Whatever!"

"Anyway!!" Chaoticmon was becoming annoyed. "I have chosen you three to be my lab rats for this experiment. You will be forced to read terrible fanfiction and I will gage your reactions."

"Screw this!!" shouted Davis. "Lets just have our Digimon digivolve and bust outta here!"

"I wouldn't recommend that," said Chaoticmon. "You see, the satellite you are currently on was made from salvaged parts from Ken's old base. These parts are still imbued with the dark energy and thus, block Digivolution. And don't bother trying to armor-digivolve. I took the liberty of relieving you of your D-Terminals before you were sent up there. Actually, I wouldn't recommend resisting at all, since the entire satellite is rigged with hidden, high power laser rifles and in the event you should try to escape, they will blast you to steaming chunks!"

"Damn… he's thorough," Ken commented.

"Wait, if our Digimon can't digivolve then what purpose do they serve in your experiment?" Squall asked.

"They will run all the essential equipment on the satellite. Cameras, life support, piloting, and if need be they will fill in for you if anyone of you cannot fulfill you duties reading the fanfics," Chaoticmon explained.

"Now that that is cleared up, " Seph began. "We are ready to send you your first fic. The first is a short written by our very own Squall."

Upon hearing this, Davis and Ken both began to give Squall dirty looks.

"The fic is called, 'I'm Late!!!' It's a horrid little yarn about goggle boy over there, trying to get to school before he's late."

"Humph! When is Davis NOT late for school?" said Ken. Davis gave an indignant snort at this remark

"Also, we'll be playing your new theme song as you enter the theater. Enjoy your fics and good day," said Seph just before the screen went blank.

Immediately afterward, lights began to flash and sirens blared. Rather than reacting, our trio just stood there, stupefied. Then the image of our three villains reappeared and Seph shouted, "Yo! Morons! Those sirens are the 'Fan Fic Sign'. They mean 'get your assess into the theater before all the oxygen is sucked out'!"

"Oh crap!!" shouted the three boys as they quickly ran through the large double doors to the left marked, 'Theater.'

The Theme Song:

On a really screwed-up planet (Ooooo!)

In the mist of cyberspace (La-la-la!)

There was this dude called Squuaaaall,

Who was caught in a nasty place! (La-la-la!)

He must survive, Chaoticmon's wrath!

Just a sticky ol' 'mon who never takes a bath!

From his castle below with Seph and Demi in his face

He tries to torture all the captives on Ken's old base

(Squall: Get… me… DOWN!!!)

Chaoticmon: I'll send them cheesy fanfics (Ooooo!)

The worst I can find! (Seph and Demi: La-la-la!)

They'll haveta sit and read them all

'Till it ruptures their minds! (La-la-la!)

Now keep in mind, Squall can't control

Where the fanfics begin or end. (La-la-la!)

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help of his Digimon friends!

………Digi-Gang Role Call:

Diamon! (We're the chicks?)

Squall! (Kewl!)

Wormmon! (What's a foe?)

Ken! (Humph!)

Veemon! (How y'all doin'?)

Daaviiiiiiss!! (waazzuuuuuupp!!!)

So if you're wondering how they eat and breathe,

And other good questions (La-la-la!)

Talk to Izzy 'cause really I just don't know.

And oh yeah, I forgot to mention…

This is Digitally Screwed-Up Theater 3000! (…Twang!)

(7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… *beep*)

(The trio enters the theater, finding a single row of seats and a large screen. They sit on the far right side, in order (from left to right) of Ken, Squall and Davis.)

>Squall: That's our theme song??

>Ken: Could be worse. At least we didn't get stuck with, "Digimon: Digital Monsters! Digimon are the champions!"

>Davis: So about this fic. How bad do you think it's gonna be?

>Squall: It's really bad; trust me. I should know, I wrote it.

>Ken: This is probably going to be a piece of crap!

This is a piece of crap.

>Ken: See! Even Squall agrees with me.

This is my first Digimon fanfic so please try to bear with me and enjoy

>Davis: Don't worry, we won't.

^_^.

>Ken: -_-

I'm late!!!

>Davis: What? Again, Jun?

>Squall: At least Matt had some fun last summer.

>Ken: If you can really call doing that with Jun, 'fun.'

Staring: Davis

>Davis: And there is the true and only genius of this story.

By: Squall

>Ken: Why the Hell did you write this load of crap, Squall?

>Squall: I don't really know. I don't remember. I think I was high.

>Davis: (Singing Afro man) I wasn't gonna write this fic, but I was high!

Crap like this usually makes me sick, but I was high!

Now I haveta sit here and riffed it, and I know why, hey! Hey!

'Cuz I was high! 'Cuz I was high! 'Cuz I was hiiiiiiiiigh!!

Ya-da-da-da-da-da! (Gets knocked out by Ken).

>Ken: (Singing Afro man) I wasn't gonna knock Davis out, but I was mad!

He started singing this dumb-ass song that was real bad!

Now he lays unconscious, and I am glad, hey! Hey!

That is smacked him, that I smacked him, upside his head!

>Squall: (Sweat drop) Oooookay!

Contact at squall2k184@yahoo.com.

(I rate this story PG-13 for mild language and violence.)

>Davis: Damn… I wish I was younger.

As the day begins we see the school. All the students hear the principal over the loud speaker as he gives the morning announcements.

>Squall: (Principal) Will the student who wrote this fic please report for eternal detention. Heh, heh! Oh wait… that would be me!

Principal: … and finally, will the student who spray painted "Pokémon Rule!" on the side of the gymnasium, please report to the principal's office. I'd like to challenge you to a card battle.

>Davis: "Pokémon Rule"?? Squall, just how high were you when you wrote this load of crap?

> Ken: I'm guessing really high.

>Squall: -_-;

Meanwhile, the new Digidestined met in the cafeteria, all eating lunch at the same table. But something is wrong. Ken seems upset.

>Ken: I'm upset because I am being forced to read this steaming load of feces masquerading as fanfiction.

T.K.: What's wrong, Ken?

>Ken: Were you not you listening? I'm-

>Squall: Ken! We heard you the first time…

Ken: My parents are going out of town for the night to see my Grandma. She's sick and their going to look after her, so except for Wormmon, I'm gonna be all alone for the night. I'm just getting used to having friends, I really don't want to be alone, even if it is just for one night.

>Ken: Why am I so pathetic in this fic?

>Davis: Maybe because that's how you are in real life?

>Ken: Humph! You are one to talk, goggle head.

Davis: Hey! I know! You can stay at my house for the night.

>Ken: I would rather stay in Hell!

Ken: I don't know about that. Don't we have school tomorrow?

>Squall: (Davis) Gee, I wouldn't know. Duh, Ah-hyuck?

>Davis: >-<

Davis: Ah, come on. My parents won't mind.

>Ken: (Davis/ Beavis and Butthead) 'Cuz they're just as dumb as I am. Huh-huh, huh-huh!

>Davis: You guys suck, y' know that.

Besides, we all go to the same school. You can just bring a change of close, your book bag, and some P.J.s and you'll be set. In fact, why don't you all stay at my house? We can make it a big slumber party.

>Ken: I am sure the others would agree with me, we would rather go to Hell.

T.K.: I don't know. You live kindda far from the school.

Davis: It's cool. I've got plenty of tokens so we can all take the bus.

>Squall: Unfortunately, they're tokens from 'Chuck E. Cheeses.'

Cody: Y' know, that does sound like fun. I'll come!

>Squall: What would Cody know of 'fun.'

T.K.: Okay, I'll come too.

Kari: I guess I'll come too!

*Davis dawns a gigantic grin. *

>Davis: (Dawns a gigantic grin)

>Ken: Davis, you need to brush more offended.

Yolei: There's no way you're gettin' me to come.

>Davis: (Cough)Bitch!(Cough)

Ken: You know what? I will come!

>Ken: …Sike!

*Yolei Dawns a smile. *

>Davis: Right before I punch her in the face, knocking her teeth out!

Yolei: Well in that case, I guess I will allow you the honor off my presence as well.

>Squall: Get over yourself!

Davis: Yeah, whatever, Yolei.

That night, all the kids came over to Davis's house with their Digimon. As it got late, the kids all started setting up their sleeping bags in Davis's room.

>Ken: Great Buddha! Davis's room must be gigantic to be able to host five other kids and six Digimon!

Kari: Jesus, Davis!!!

>Squall: Two words not commonly found in the same sentence.

Your room is messier than Tai's room and Miko's litter box, combined!

>Davis: You should see Miko's litter box on burrito night.

>Squall: (Sarcastically) Thanks for that image, Davis.

Like the messes from Tai's room, and Miko's litter box D.N.A. Digivolved, or something.

>Davis: Tai's room!

>Squall: Miko's litter box!

>Both: DNA digivolve to… Police Academy 6!!!

>Ken: In other words, they digivolved into a massive piece of carp.

Gaotmon:

>Davis: (Laughing hysterically) You forgot how to spell 'Gatomon'!!

>Squall: (Snidely) You forgot how to spell 'T.K.'

>Davis: (Frantic) Well, umm, uhh-

>Ken: (Imitating dial tone) Marijuana affects the memory

How would you know, Kari? You never had to share a litter box with Miko.

>Davis: Don't act like you don't like it, Gatomon. I can hear you two all the way from my house.

>Squall: I can hear them and I live in America.

>Ken: You guys are disgusting.

Armadillamon: Yuck! Thanks for that image, Gatomon.

>Ken: See. Even he agrees with me. Wait a minute. Who the Hell is 'Armadill-A-mon'

>Davis: Squall, can you say, "spell check"?

Yolei: Why did I ever agree to come to Davis's dumb sleep over, anyway? I can't stand Davis.

>Davis: (Cough)Frigid bitch!(Cough)

>Squall: You sick or somethin'?

Davis: Y' know, Yolei, it's considered rude to insult your host.

>Squall: (Yolei) Is it considered rude to beat your host senseless?

>Ken: (Davis) No. Go right ahead.

>Davis: >-<

Cody: Besides, don't you remember Yolei? You wanted to come because Ken was coming. *Ken and Yolei start to blush. *

Yolei: Oh yeah, hee, HEE. that's right.

>Davis: (Cough)Slut!(Cough)

>Ken: (Imagines himself with Yolei and shudders) That is very disturbing…

Davis: Hey Kari, since you're my guessed,

I insist that you take the bed. You shouldn't have ta sleep on the floor. Take my bed so you can be comfortable.

>Davis: By the way, you wouldn't mind if I slept on it with you? Muhw HaHaHaHaHa!!

Kari: That's very generous of you Davis, but it's your bed, you should sleep there. I'll just sleep in my sleeping bag on the floor next to T.K. *Davis groans. *

>Davis: (Groans)

>Ken: Alone again, eh Davis?

>Squall: Once again you have no one to keep you company but your 'right hand' girl. HA!

>Davis: (Grumbles unintelligibly)

Yolei: Hey Davis! I'll take the bed!

>Davis: You can't have the bed but I will let you have my foot in your teeth.

Davis: Yolei, get you're Coke-bottle framed butt back on the floor!

>Ken: Coke bottles? More like 'binoculars.'

*Yolei flips Davis the wrong half of a peace sigh. *

>Davis: Back at y', super bitch! (Flips off the screen)

Yeah, very mature, Yolei.

>Squall: What would Davis know of 'maturity'?

>Ken: Why are you asking us? You wrote this load of crap.

The kids stayed up late that night. They talked and joked and had a lot of fun long into the night.

>Davis: Hey guys. This yarn is starting to make me woozy.

Davis: *Yawning. * What time is it?

>All: Game time!! Huh!

Hawkmon: It's getting pretty late; you'd all better get to sleep. After all, you don't want to miss school tomorrow.

>Ken: Hawkmon waited for them to go to sleep, then killed them all as they slept… the end.

>Squall: Why didn't I think of that?

*Davis snoring. *

>Davis: (Snoring).

>Ken: Must you mimic everything you do in this story?

>Squall: (Covering his ears) Damn… he's loud…

Veemon: You don't gotta tell Davis twice, or in this case, once. He just plain does it.

>Ken: If we told him to jump off a bridge, would he do it?

>Davis: (Mumbling while sleeping) Must… jump… off… BRIDGE!! (Falls on the floor).

>Squall: That answer your question?

>Davis: (Wakes up) What happen?

Kari: *A beeping noise is heard from her pajama pocket.

>Squall: Her low-jack went off.

>Ken: Guess she violated her parole.

>Davis: (Cops) Your going to jail, little missy. But first… a strip-search! Heh-heh, heh-heh.

She pulls out her D-terminal * It's an e-mail from Izzy. *Yawns * I'll read it in the morning.

Due to Davis's snoring, no one got that much sleep that night (except for Davis himself).

>Ken: Selfish bastard!

The next morning, around 6a.M., they all woke up, all very groggy (except for Davis who was still sleeping).

>Ken: Lazy, selfish bastard!!

Gatomon: For the love of God! How in the Hell do you sleep with Davis's snoring, Veemon?

>Squall: Valium. How else?

Veemon: Sometimes I sleep in June's room,

>Squall: With her? (Shudders)

>Davis: I didn't think it was physically possible but my sister is actually slutier than I thought.

but since you guys were over I decided to hang with you. So in answer of your question, I don't.

>Squall: Don't worry about it, little dude. When it comes to Jun I wouldn't either.

Kari: *wakes up and checks

>Ken: Her pants.

>Squall: (Kari) Get your F^&%ing hands out of their, Davis!!

>Davis: (Nervous laugh)

D-terminal. * So that's what Izzy was telling us last night.

>Davis: What, that I had my hand down your pants?

T.K.: What, Kari?

>Squall: (Kari) He says Gillian wants his hat back.

Gatomon: Yeah, What?

>Davis: (Kari) He says Miko's ready for another round. (Wink-wink)

Ken: Yeah, tell us Kari

>Ken: (Irritated) What? Are we playing charades or something? Tell us already, y' moron!!

All: *Kari shows the group her

>Davis: Yes!

D-terminal. * Oh!

>Davis: Oh…

>Ken: What did you think it was going to be?

T.K.: Guess we can go back to sleep.

>Squall: Well, see y', guys. I'm going to bed. (Gets up to leave)

>Ken: Sit your ass back down! If we have to suffer through this you do too.

Yolei: Who can sleep with Davis's damn snoring?

>Davis: (Cough)Super bitch!(Cough)

>Squall: Need a cough drop?

Cody: Speaking of Davis, should we wake him up and tell him?

Ken: Na! Let him sleep.

>Ken: Yes. Let him sleep the sleep of DEATH!!

>Davis: (Shifting uneasily) Umm…Ken, you're startin' to scare me

>Ken: Just giving the fan-girls what they want.

We'll tell him later.

>Squall: Or never. At least, that's what you seem to have decided with us.

About two and a half hours latter, Davis finally woke up.

>Ken: But everyone else died in their sleep… the end.

Veemon woke up as well and looked up at him.

>Ken: Taking aim as he fired the poison dart that would send Davis back to dream land.

Davis: *Yawns and stretches. *

>Davis: (Yawns and stretches)

>Ken: (Punches Davis in the face) I told you to knock it off!

>Squall: Wait a minute. That's not in the story.

What a good nights sleep.

>Davis: I dreamt I was in a better fanfic.

*He looks at his alarm clock. *

>Squall: Oddly enough, the clock read "NRA4EVER".

AAAHH! 8:30!

>Squall: (Davis) I missed Good morning America!!

We've missed the bus!

>Squall: The good news is that it was just the Partridge family bus.

>Davis: (Singing) C'mon, get happy!

>Ken: (Shudders)

Were gonna be late for school!

>Davis: Screw this! I'm just going back to sleep.

>Ken: Oh no you're not! We're suffering through this tripe together.

*Everyone awakens with a start as Davis runs out of the room struggling into his school clothes. *

>Squall and Ken: (Disgusted) Ugh!!

>Ken: That's an image I could've done without.

>Davis: What? I'll have you know people have said I have a beautiful body.

T.K.: Davis wait-!

Squall: (TK) Hide your shame!

Davis: No time, T.Q.,

>Ken: TQ?

>Squall: Tim's Quiet?

>Ken: Tanganyika's Queen?

>Davis: Too Queer?

>Ken: Heh! You wish.

>Davis: Huh?

I gotta get to school! *Veemon chases after him. *

>Squall: Veemon wants to break himself off a piece of that ass!

>Ken: (Shudders)

>Davis: Dude! That was sick.

Veemon: Davis! Wait up!

>Squall: (Veemon) At least put on your Spiderman undies!

>Davis: Look. You wanna cut that stuff out because it's becoming really disturbing.

Davis grabbed his book bag and ran into the kitchen, where June was.

>Ken: …Snorting crack.

Davis grabbed a pack of pop-tarts,

>Ken: The only problem with that is that it seems the only 'tart' in that room is Jun.

>Squall: You're a bit to smart for the room, Ken.

took a few bites,

>Davis: I'll tell you what bites… this fanfic.

put the rest in his pocket, and ran out through the kitchen door, as Veemon ran after him.

>Squall: Still trying to break himself off a piece of that ass.

>Ken: (Punches Squall in the face) You were warned about that!

>Squall: Ouch!

Then T.K. and Kari (still in their pajamas), holding Patamon and Gatomon, walked into the kitchen.

>Ken: (Patamon) Why don't these two just get a room already.

>Squall: (Gatomon) Yeah. Kari could use a good humping.

>Davis: By me!

June:

>Squall: July, August, September, October, November, and December!

>Davis: Ho-ho-ho!

>Ken: When it comes to Jun, you can say that again!

What's Davis's problem?

>Ken: Let's see. Where do I begin?

>Squall: Well, for one thing (Deep inhale) YOU'RE HIS SISTER!!!!!

>Ken: That would mess-up anyone.

Kari: He thinks he's late for school.

June: *looks at clock on microwave. *

>Davis: (Jun) My popcorn's burning!

8:30!

>Squall: Well of coarse it's gonna burn if you set it for that long.

I'm late

>Davis: I pity the guy who did that to her.

>Squall: Look on the bright side. It's better than her being on the rag.

for school, too! AAAHH! *She grabs her book bag and runs out the front door. *

>Ken: Straight into traffic… the end.

Patamon: *looks down and sees June's flyer from school on the table. It says the same thing that Izzy's e-mail told them.

>Ken: Which is…?

>Squall: Don't bother. We don't find that out for a loooooonng time.

>Davis: Do you remember what it was?

>Squall: Nope!

>Ken and Davis: -_-

* Ah, she's just as sharp as Davis.

>Squall: …Who's about as sharp as the blunt end of a hammer.

>Ken: I'd like to bash Jun's head in with the blunt end of a hammer.

Gatomon: Apparently, Moron syndrome runs in the family.

>Ken: Nope. Just Downs syndrome.

>Squall: Let's take a quick break guys.

>Davis: Yeah, I could use one.

>(They exit the theater)

(1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… *beep*)

The boys exited the theater and found their Digimon conversing with Seph through the viewing screen.

"What's up guys?" said Squall.

"Seph said he wanted to explain something about the experiment," Diamon replied.

"Okay. Shoot, guy," said Davis.

"Well, to assist in gauging your reactions to the fanfics we'll be beaming them to earth for observation."

"And whom, may I ask, will be reviewing it?" said Ken as he cocked an eyebrow with interest.

"Why, the general public, of course," the silver haired boy replied. "To ensure that the reviews are uninhibited we are having the people check 'em out."

"Wait a minute!" Squall cut in. "If the people on earth can see us trapped up here then what's stopping the people down below from mounting a rescue operation?"

"Three things," Seph said while holding up the same number of fingers. "One: The money needed would be too great to waste on your assess. Two: I'm pretty sure the people down on that little blue ball would enjoy seeing you guys suffer. And three: We're nowhere near earth."

"We're not?? Then where are we?" said Davis with more than a little shock.

"Good question," said Ken who was standing at the window. "If we are far from earth then what is that planet that we are currently in orbit of?" Ken pointed at it through the window to emphasize his point.

"Oh that's just some random planet somewhere in cyberspace," Seph answered.

"Huh?" said Squall and Davis almost at the same time. Ken was also a bit curious about what the silver-haired boy was speaking of.

"You see; the digital plain is not just that one oddly formed world, but a whole universe of slightly off planets. The world below us is one such world. Since the world appears to be uninhabited we decided to set up shop here."

"Well, that answers that," Squall began. "But I've got another question. How do we eat and breathe and other stuff like that?"

"Weren't you listening to the song!" Seph shouted; sounding annoyed. "Talk to Izzy 'cause really I just don't know!" he calmed down a bit and rested his chin in his hand as he thought about something. "Oh yeah! I forgot to mention…" he began before taking a deep breath. "Get your assess back in the theater!!!" his image disappeared. A moment later lights and buzzers flashed and blared.

"Like we got a whole lotta choice…" Squall began. "Once again, we got fanfic siiiiiiiiiiiiiiignnn!!!!!!!…"

(7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… *beep*)

(The boys reenter the theater and take their seats)

>Davis: Man, what a dick!

>Squall: I know, I know. But he's a great guy… (Sweat drop) really!

>Ken: Here come the 'writing' again…

Davis ran down the block as fast as he could. Behind him, Veemon struggled to keep up.

>Squall: (Opens his mouth, ready to speak)

>Ken: Squall, if you say anything about Veemon and Davis's ass I will rip your tongue out and beat you with it!

>Squall: (Closes his mouth and sits silently)

As Davis pumps himself even harder,

>Squall: He inflated himself to full-size and flew away.

he tripped and fell.

>Squall: That too!

Davis: Oh Sh-!

>Davis: -it! Sh-it!

*He gets a face full of sidewalk before he can finish that "sentence."

>Davis: As appose to getting a face full of fist, which is what Ken usually gives us.

>Ken: I shall give you some right now if you do not become quiet!

>Davis: (Gulp!)

He picks himself back up.

>Squall: And falls over again!

>Davis: Plug it, Squall! I ain't that dumb! And-(Falls face-first onto the floor for no apparent reason)

>Squall: (Taunting) What was that?

>Davis: (Unintelligible grumbles)

At the end of the block he sees two girls waiting at the crosswalk.

>Ken: From his current perspective would it not be more like "seeing up the skirts of two girls waiting at the crosswalk"?

>Davis: (Evil grin) I hope so!

He catches his breath as he over hears their conversation. *

>Squall: (Girl one) EEEEEEEEKK!!! It's the hideous Kamiya boy!!

>Ken: (Girl two) No, it is only Davis.

>Squall: (Girl one) EEEEEEEEKK!!! Even worse! It's the hideous Kamiya boy's personal mini-me!!

>Davis: (More unintelligible grumbles)

Girl one: Wow! You beat the principal in a Pokemon battle! Then, what happened?

>Davis: (Girl two) I brodied his Charizard!

>Ken: (Girl two/Yuugi-Oh) Then I used the millennium puzzle to bring the Charazard to life and vaporized him.

>Squall: That's one way to cut down on your homework.

Girl two: Then he suspended me.

>Ken: (Girl two/Yuugi-Oh) And that would mean something if I had not reduced him to a pile of ashes and banished his soul to the shadow realm.

>Squall: (Deadpan) Whoa… dark, dude…

Girl one: Wow! That sucks!

>Davis: I'll tell you what sucks… this fanfic.

>Squall: We heard you the first time, Davis.

Veemon: *Has finally caught up to Davis. * You all right, Davis?

>Ken: (Davis) Well, my skull is cracked open and I landed on a knife and several discarded needles, but other than that I am fine!

Davis: Yeah, I'm fine, Veemon. Hey! Did you see what I tripped over?

>Squall: Considering the amount of chronic Davis does, it's a wonder why he isn't constantly 'tripping'.

>Davis: (Deadpan) That's a long way to go for a corny-ass weed joke.

>Squall: (Nervous grin)

Veemon: Yep, YOU'RE own two feet.

>Ken: Yes. Those feet definitely belonged to Davis.

Davis: Very funny.

>All: (Bust out laughing)

Hey! I know!

>Davis: I know how to escape from this horrid fanfic!

Veemon, you can help me get to school before I'm late.

>Squall: Veemon, digivolve too… Busmon!!

>Ken: In Davis's case it would be more like, 'Short Busmon.'

>Davis: Bash it all you like but I'm telling here that little bus had some power!

Veemon: But Davis-…

>Squall: (Veemon) You were expelled, remember?

>Ken: I would not be surprised…

Davis: Not now Veemon, I need you to armor-Digivolve.

>Squall: No doubt by using the Digi-egg of Tardiness.

Veemon: *sigh. * All right, Davis.

Davis: Digi-Armor Energize!!!

Veemon: "Veemon! Armor-Digivolve To!………….

Raidramon! The Storm of Friendship!!!"

>Ken: My, aren't we in an italicizing mood today.

Davis: All right Raidramon, full speed to school.

>Squall: (Stands up on his chair) Full speed! Trim the sails! Launch countermeasures! Fire one! Warp power! Make it so! Engage!!

>Ken and Davis:???

>Squall: (Sits down, embarrassed) I always wanted to say things like that…

Davis climbed on Raidramon's back and rode off.

>Squall: He rides Raidramon like his bitch!

>Ken: (Disgusted) I think we have all had plenty of that, Squall.

He rode as fast he could to the school, not paying attention to the lights on the way.

>Ken: Davis not paying attention to pretty lights? That is a first!

>Davis: (Stuck on stupid) Ooooo! The colors…

>Ken: See what I mean?

As he and Raidramon crossed a busy intersection, they didn't see the car barreling toward them.

>Ken: This would be a great place to end this fic.

>Squall: Sorry. It goes on…

>Davis: …And on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on! It's like the friggin' Energizer Bunny™!!

It stroke Raidramon in the side,

>Ken: Killing him… the end.

knocking him

>Ken: Into another truck, which killed him… end.

down and causing him to drop Davis off his back. Davis landed

>Ken: On some conveniently placed spikes… end!!

>Squall: Ken, that's quite enough.

with a hard thud on the sidewalk.

>Ken: (Frantic) Please!! For the love of all that is holy, end!!!!

>Davis: Calm down, dude. It ain't that bad.

Driver: What the Hell is that!? Is that a kid riding a black and blue donkey?

>Squall: Heh! An ass was riding an ass when he fell on his ass!

>Davis: (Deadpan) Squall's a poet, I didn't know it…

Davis: Ow! Watch where you're going y'-

>Squall: (Driver) Would you like to pet my ass.

>Ken and Davis: (Shudder)

… Oh My God!

>Squall: Hey guys! What kind of Digimon has an ass-hole in the middle of it's back?

Raidramon!!!

>Squall: Right!

*He runs over to Raidramon's side. *

>Davis: Veemon I'm your friend!!!!!

>Ken: He's been waiting a while to say that again.

Raidramon! Are you all right? Can y' get up?

>Squall: (Raidramon/Veemon) You're kneeling on my tail!!

Raidramon: *Lying on his side and short of breath. * I'm fine, Davis. I may be a little banged up, but I'll live. *Raidramon rises to his feet. *

Davis: That's good. Hope

>Squall: (TK) Someone call me?

you're up to running, cause we still got a long way to go.

>Squall: (Raidramon) I just got hit by a friggin' truck!! Can y' give me some time to recuperate!?!

Raidramon: But Davis, if you'd just listen to me for a minute-...

>Davis: (Raidramon) …You'd realize what a complete waste of time reading this fanfic is.

Davis: Not now, we gotta move.

>Davis: The faster we move, the faster we get outta this fanfic!

*He gets back on Raidramon's back and rides off. *

>Squall: (Raidramon) Umm, Davis? It's a little hard for me to hump your leg when you're on my back.

Davis may not be to bright,

>Squall: …Or handsome.

>Ken: …Or humble.

>Davis: …Or forgiving! (Slaps both of them upside the head).

but at least he learns from his mistakes.

>Ken: (Slaps Davis back)

>Davis: Ow! What'd I do?

>Ken: Your mistake was hitting me; let us see if you learned from it.

>Davis: Nope! (Slaps him back).

>Ken: Ow! (Slaps him back).

>Davis: Ow! (Slaps him back).

>Ken: Ow! (Slaps him back).

>Davis: Ow! (Slaps him back).

>Squall: (Deadpan) This could take a while…

He continued on his way to school, this time paying attention to the light signals.

>Davis: (Stuck on stupid) Ooooo! The colors…

>Squall: (Sighs) Here we go again…

As he approached a crosswalk, he yielded for traffic, but then, he saw a young boy

>Squall: And instantly became aroused!

>Davis: Hey! I don't swing that way, dude!

>Ken: Then why were you wearing those Matt print boxers?

>Davis: How many times do I haveta explain it!?! I borrowed them from Tai!!

>Squall: That doesn't really make it better.

run out into traffic after a soccer ball.

>Ken: And get hit by a car… end.

>Squall: Umm, Ken?

When Davis saw the truck barreling toward the helpless child,

>Ken: He giggled with evil delight. Or at least, that is what I would do.

>Squall: (Deadpan) Yes, we know.

his hero instincts kicked in…

>Davis: (Singing, Mariah Carry) And then a hero comes along! With the strength to carry on! -

>Squall: (Singing, Enrique Iglesias) I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. -

>Ken: (Singing, Chad Kroeger) And they say that a hero could save us; I'm not gonna stand here and wait! I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles! Watch as we all fly away! -

Davis: *leaps off Raidramon's back at the child. * Look out Kid!!!

>Ken: Flying dork at three o'clock!

As the truck came at them,

>Ken: It struck them, killing them both… the end.

>Squall: Ken?

Davis knocked the child out

>Squall: Cold.

of the way just in time. They landed

>Squall: Face-first!

safely on the other side of the street as the truck raced by.

>Ken: If by safely you mean, 'On their heads, cracking their skulls open' then yes, they landed safely.

Davis: You all right, kid?

Boy: Yeah, thanks.

>Squall: (Boy) …But could you please stop touching me there?

>Davis: You wanna cut that out?

*Notices Raidramon. * Hey, what's that? Wow! Is that a Pokemon?!

>Ken: It is the newest Pokémon, Retarded-chu!

>Davis: (Sarcastically) Very funny.

Davis: Yeah something like that. Com'on Raidramon, let's get going!

Raidramon: But Davis-.

>Squall: (Raidramon) You haven't gotten the Vermillion city gym badge yet!

>Davis: Wrong show.

Davis: Not now, Raidramon. We gotta move!

>Davis: We've only got the U-hauls for another 24hours!

They continued to race down the streets.

>Davis: But only managed to come in second place.

Then Davis signaled to Raidramon to turn down a different street.

>Squall: (Davis) Hang on, buddy! I need my fix!

Davis: Raidramon, this way! I know a short cut!

>Ken: They got lost and starved to death… end.

>Squall: Ken!

Raidramon: Okay Davis, but I really need to tell you something.

>Squall: (Raidramon) Davis! X-Y-Z!!

>Davis: (Checks his fly)

Davis: I thought I told you, not now!

>Davis: You can't hump my leg right now!

>Ken and Squall: (Disgusted)

Raidramon rounded the corner only to find

>Ken: The end of this story! Please tell me it is the end of this story!

that the road to Davis's "short cut" was under construction.

>Squall: Nope! There's more!

>Ken: (Pulling his own hair out)

Raidramon: What now, Davis?

>Davis: We give up and go home… end!

>Squall: Not you too!

Davis: *He looks up at the tall buildings in the area. *

>Davis: (Stuck on stupid) Ooooo! The colors…

>Squall: Random buildings have colors?

I got it! Raidramon, devolve back into Veemon and armor-Digivolve into Flamedramon so we can hop across the rooftops.

>Squall: Just like The Tick™

>Davis: spoon!!!!

That'll get us to school petty fast. *Raidramon Devolves back into Veemon. *

>Ken: Then to DemiVeemon, then to Chibomon, then to an egg and then completely out of existence… end.

>Squall: (Confused) Right?

Veemon: Davis, I gotta tell you-.

>Ken: (Veemon) You are a total moron.

>Davis: Humph!

Davis: Tell me later, Veemon.

>Davis: Or you could just shut the F^$& up…

Digi-Armor Energize!!!

Veemon: "Veemon! Armor-Digivolve To!…………..

>Squall: (Veemon) Spidermon!!!

Flamedramon! The Fire of Courage!!!"

>Squall: Or that.

Flamedramon: *Grabs Davis. *

>Davis: (Southern Belle) Oh! I do declare!

Ready to get going, Davis?

>Ken: (Davis) Wait! I just remembered. The school is just across the street from my house.

*Jumps onto the buildings. *

>Squall: (Starts humming the Run Around song)

Flamedramon hopped from building to building with Davis in his arms.

>Squall: Aaaaaaaawweee… don't they make a cute couple?

>Davis: (Grinding his teeth) You're pushing it, dude.

He attempted several times to

>Ken: …Toss Davis to his death.

tell Davis what he was trying to say all this time, but Davis continued to dismiss him. Then the building dropped off into short row-homes.

>Squall: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ghetto!

Flamdramon:

>Squall: (Very quickly) Brother of Flamedramon!

Davis! How far is your damn school!?

>Ken: Good question! By my estimates they've been traveling for several hours through several neighborhoods.

>Davis: (Grizzled old man) In my day, we ain't had no Mega Digimon and we walked fifteen miles through the snow in our bare feet to get to school and we liked it!!!

Davis: Pretty far. That's why I usually get up a rounded six o' clock.

>Ken: I had no idea six was a circular hour.

Flamedramon: What now, Davis?

>Davis: We give up and go home… end!

>Squall: Davis, it wasn't funny the first time and it ain't funny this time.

Davis: Hmmm…

>Davis: Hmmm, hmmm, Good!

>Squall: What're you, a Cambles soup™ commercial?

I got it!

>Ken: VD?

>Davis: No!

>Squall: He'd haveta have made it with a girl for that to happen.

Devolve back into Veemon and then Digivovle

>Ken: …Which is a new way to digivolve-

into Ex-Veemon, and we'll fly to school.

>Squall: Air-V, the only way to fly.

* Flamedramon devolves back into Veemon. *

Veemon: Before I Digivolve, can I ask you,

>Squall: (Veemon) Where do babies come from?

>Davis: (Stammering) Umm, uh, y' see-

>Ken: Let me just cut you off there.

what'id y' do with the rest of those pop-tarts you were eating earlier? I'm hungry.

>Squall: Really? I'm Puerto Rican, myself.

>Davis: Huh?

>Squall: Old 'Marks brothers' joke ('cept Groucho says 'Swedish' instead). Don't bother trying to get it

Davis: I'm late for school and you're talking about "Pop-tarts!?"

>Squall: (Davis) We only eat 'Toasters' Strudel' in this house!!

Quit messing around and Digivolve!!!

>Davis: Or at least use a toilet when you 'mess around'!!

Veemon: Sorry. "Veemon! Digivolve To!………….

>Ken: (Veemon) Unnecessarily-long-pause-mon!!!

Ex-Veemon!!!"

>Ken: Or that.

>Davis: Ex Dash Veemon. Is he an original character or something?

Davis: All right! Let's get going!

>Davis: (Singing) Rolling, rolling, rolling! Got to keep on rolling! Got to keep on going! Rolling!

Ex-Veemon: Davis I gotta tell y'-.

>Squall: (ExVeemon) Those goggles make you look like a dork!

>Davis: You're one to talk.

Davis: Not now, Ex-Veemon, we gotta move!

>Davis: We haveta find a doctor to remove that hyphen!

Davis got on Ex-Veemon's back

>Ken: The hyphen made a perfect saddle.

and flew off. They flew through the sky as fast as Ex-Veemon could go.

>Squall: Look up in the sky! It's a bird! -

>Davis: It's a plane! -

>Ken: It's a dork…

>Squall: It's a frog!!

>Davis: Frog!?!

>Ken: You watch way too many cartoons, Squall.

>Squall: (Nervous laugh)

As they made their way, Ex-Veemon decided to have a little fun flying close to a jet liner.

>Ken: They're flying high and fast enough be wing-to-wing with a jet liner? The lack of oxygen alone would be enough to kill them both let alone the fact that they're traveling that fast without so much as a seatbelt for protection.

>Squall: Being a Digidestined, I'd have thought you of all people would have figured that with Digimon the laws of physics just don't apply.

William Shapner:

>Squall: (Very quickly) No relation to William Shatner!!

* On the plane. *

>Davis: (William Shatner) Should… the ground… be coming at us so fast…?

Use… price line dot COM… for… all… your travel needs.

>Ken: (William Shatner) COM!!!!!

>Squall: Star Trek II and a half: The wrath of COM

*Looks out window and sees Ex-Veemon. * Oh… my God… there's… some… kind of… thing out there… like… a monster or a… gremlin… on the… side of the plane… Stewardess… please… help me!…

>Davis: (Hums the Twilight Zone theme)

>Ken: Consider-if you will-a horrible parody in an equally horrible fanfic…

Stewardess: *angrily. *If I look out window and there's nothing there, will you please stop telling people to use price line dot COM or at least stop talking like that!?

>Ken: What does she have against people who capitalize all the letters in the word 'com' when they say it?

>Squall: Or maybe she just has something against people who spell out the word 'dot' when they're just referring to the period in a URL.

William Shapner: No!

>Squall: Set you phasers to crap!

Stewardess: Fine! Whatever!

>Davis: Dammit, Jim! She's a stewardess not a doctor!

*She looks out the window and sees nothing. *

>Ken: (Stewardess) Clouds, sky, large blue Digimon with boy riding on it, more clouds… nope! Nothing to be concerned about!

There's nothing-here sir.

>Squall: (Stewardess) Just some randomly placed hyphens.

Now quiet down or we'll have to throw you off the plane.

>Davis: Ouch! Harsh! What, is he flying 'Air-Communist'?

William Shapner: *says sheepishly. * Okay.

>Davis: But since he said it sheepishly, it came out sounding like "BAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

>Squall: William Shatner IS: Sheep in the big city!!

Ex-Veemon and Davis continued to fly through the sky.

>Ken: The hyphen contributed to making ExVeemon more aerodynamic.

Davis: You're to slow, Ex-Veemon! We're never gonna get to school in time!

>Squall: He's flying fast enough to keep up with a friggin' jet liner and Davis's saying he's flying too slow!?!

Ex-Veemon: Sorry, Davis.

>Davis: I'm sorry too, buddy. Sorry we haveta be in this poor excuse for fanfiction.

Then all of a sudden, Stingmon flew up to them with Ken riding on his back.

>Davis: Wait! If me and Veemon haveta go through all that crap how do Ken and Stingmon just show up outta the blue like that??

>Squall: Maybe they caught the bus?

Ken: Davis, what are you doing?

>Davis: (Sarcastically) Making cupcakes! What does it look like I'm doing!?!

Davis: Hey! Ken!

>Davis: What's! Up!

>Squall: Apparently, Davis can only speak in one-word sentences that end in exclamation points.

I was trying to get to school on time.

>Ken: (Davis) But seeing as how I have probably been flying for hours that is probably not going to happen.

But now that you're here we can make Imperialdramon.

>Squall: 'Make' Imperialdramon? What does he mean by that?

>Ken: Perhaps I brought linking logs and some glue with me, and that is how we will 'make' Imperialdramon?

Nothing flies faster than him,

>Squall: Except a rock throw at Davis's head.

so we'll get to school in no time.

>Ken: Seeing as how it is probably around noon by now, I'd say not unless Imperialdramon can time travel.

Ken: Davis, haven't you noticed that none of the others are here? That it's just you and me out here?

Davis: *Looks around and realizes that the other Digidestined are not there.

>Davis: Oh my lord! I left Kari with TK!!!

>Squall: Davis, you need to get your priorities straight.

He thinks

>Ken: I thought I smelled something burning.

to himself for a moment. * Hmmm…

>Squall: Get ready guys! I think he's finally gonna figure it out and go home, thus ending this fic!

they're gonna be really late for school.

>Squall: …or not.

>Ken: Great Buddha is Davis dense in this story!

Ken: No, Davis! I'm trying to tell you-.

>Ken: Dashes, dashes everywhere and this is the only one that's properly placed.

Davis: Tell me later. Right now lets' just D.N.A Digivolve!

Ken: *Sighs. *

>Ken: …F^&% you…

Whatever.

>Squall: (Teenage human) WHAT-evaaaaaahh!!

Ex-Veemon: "Ex-Veemon!"

Stingmon: "Stingmon!"

Both: "D.N.A. Digivolve To!………….

>Ken: "Even-more-needless-hyphens-mon!!!"

>Squall: or maybe just "-----------------mon"

>Davis: Isn't he Missingno's evil twin?

>Squall: (Shrugs)

Paildramon!!!"

>Davis: At least it's not 'Pail-dramon.'

Paildramon: "Paildramon! Mega Digivolve To!

>Squall: 'Mega-Hyphen-mon!!!'

>Davis: That joke's getting old, Squall.

Imperialdramon!!!"

>All: Or that!

>Ken: Imperialdramon is leaning dangerously to one side. If he is not careful he'll fall over.

Imperialdramon: *Transports Davis and Ken onto his back. *

>Davis: You mean they weren't on his back already?

>Ken: Then where were they?

>Squall: Hovering in the sky with nothing to support them, apparently.

Davis, we're trying to tell you-.

>Ken: (Imperialdramon) To get off and try walking for a change, y' lazy bum!

Davis: I'm telling you for the last time,

>Squall: Davis began performing one of Jerry Seinfeld's comedy acts.

Not Now!

>Davis: You'll get it after you leave!

>Squall: Get what?

>Davis: You know… 'It.'

Azulongmon: *Appears in the sky. *

>Ken: What the Hell is Azulongmon doing there!?!

>Davis: Apparently he has nothing better to do than be in bad fanfiction.

Davis! Maybe you should listen to your friends. They're trying to tell you-

>Squall: (Azulongmon) That you're a dork and Kari will never like you! Tee-Hee!!

>Ken: Wow… Azulongmon is giddy?

Davis: Jesus!

>Squall: Davis has become a televangelist?

>Davis: (Televangelist) You can be saved! …From horrible fanfiction!!

Is everyone in the Digiworld trying to keep me from getting to school on time!?

>Squall: It's a conspiracy! Quick! Call Molder and Scully!!

I don't have time for your insults of enlightenment, Azulongmon. I gotta get to school!! *Flies off with Ken on Imperialdramon. *

>Squall: (Azulongmon) You must be Davis!

>Ken: I think we have already established that.

Azulongmon: By the Digi-spirits, is that kid ever dumb!! I swear Davis has the I.Q. of a sack of doorknobs!

>Davis: Well it's hard to think straight when you're keeping one eye on the Digital World, one eye on the real world and the other eye on your friends!

>Squall: Huh?

>Ken: (Sighs) Do not ask…

Imperialdramon flies off at top speed for the school. As he flies, he passes a very familiar jet liner.

>Davis: Jet liner, my friend! How have you been these past few days!!

>Ken and Squall:???

William Shapner: *Looking out the window. * Oh… My God… Its'… the monster again… and… now… he's bigger than before…

>Squall: Arm the crap-ton torpedoes!!

Stewardess: You were warned, Mr. Shapner. Now I'm going to have to throw you off the flight. *She opens the Door and

>Ken: Decompression occurred, killing everyone on the flight… the end.

throws him out of the plane. *

William Shapner: *While falling. * Kohn!!!

>Squall: (Kohn) Oh, Kerk! From Hell's heart I stab at thee! With my last breath I throw thee from an airplane!

Stewardess: Maybe next time your cheep behind will by first class tickets!

>Ken: (Spock) It would be quite logical.

And by the way, I tried price line dot COM! It Sucks!!!

>Davis: I'll tell y; what sucks… this fanfic!

>Ken: You said that already!

>Squall: Hold on, guys. It's almost over.

Meanwhile, on the ground, two guys, one in a red shirt and one in a blue shirt, are walking by. Then suddenly, William Shapner falls out of the sky. He hit the ground with great force, but managed to say a few last words.

>Davis: (William Shatner) Help… I've fallen… and I can't get up…

William Shapner: Beam… me up… God. *Dies. *

>Davis: (Scotty) I cahn-nah do it, cattin! I doh-nuh have the power!!

Guy in blue shirt:

>Davis: (Sarcastically) Oh! There's an inventive name for a character!

*To Guy in red shirt. *

>Squall: (Guy in blue shirt) Quick! Lets swipe his shoes!!

He's dead, Jim!

>Ken: Damn it, Jim! I'm a guy in a blue shirt, not a doctor!

Guy in red shirt:

>Davis: (Sighs) Where do you come up with these names, Squall?

>Squall: (Shrugs)

My names, not Jim

>Squall: It's 'Guy in red shirt' and don't you forget it!!

Guy in blue shirt: I know. I'm just making a Star Trek joke.

>Davis: Hey, hey! That's our job; buddy! Leave all the wisecrackin' to the professionals!

Guy in red shirt: Oh! Well in that case, *makes Vulcan sigh with his hands. *

>Ken: I have got a better hand signal for you. (Gives 'guy in red shirt' the middle finger)

"Live long, and prosper."

>Squall: (William Shatner) That's going to be kindda hard seeing as how I'm friggin' dead!!!

Guy in blue shirt: Dude! He's already dead. You suck at this.

>Davis: (Opens his mouth, ready to speak)-

>Ken: Davis, say it again and I'll make it so you'll have to 'suck' liquefied food through a straw for the rest of your life.

>Davis: (Closes his mouth)

Imperialdramon flies through the skies at super-sonic speeds. In only a few seconds, he makes it to the school. Davis and Ken jump off Imperialdramon's back

>Ken: And onto Imperialdramon's back.

just as he devolves back into Veemon and Wormmon.

Veemon: WHOA !

>Squall: (Veemon) That's a pretty big gap between what I said and the exclamation point!

i hope the cafeteria open

>Davis: I hope you learn to capitalize your 'I's

cuz

>Ken: …I cannot actually say 'because.'

after all that Digivolving me and wormmon are gonna have ta grub on a lot of freebies!

>Ken: He needs to digivolve to properly capitalize the 'W' in his name?

Davis: All right!!! We made it,

>Davis: The end of the fic is within sight!!!

and with out a moment to spare.

>Ken: Apparently, school starts sometime around noon.

*He runs up to the school.*

>Ken: …Trips, falls and splits his skull open on a rock… end.

Ken: Davis! Wait!

>Squall: No! Don't stop him! He's nearly at the end of the fic!!

Davis: *Reaches the school building and tries to open the door, but the door is locked. * Hey! What gives!

>Squall: (Teacher) Holy crap! It's Davis!

>Ken: (principal) Quick! Lock the doors! Pretend no one is here!

Ken: Davis! That's what Veemon, Imperaildramon, T.K., Kari, and even I

>Squall: …Not to mention us-

was trying to tell you!

>Ken: You are a dork and an idiot! And I mean that with all due respect.

>Davis: Humph!

Yesterday the school handed out flyers. There were only enough copies for the high school kids,

>Squall: Why? Is the school trying to save trees or something?

so Izzy e-mailed us a copy.

>Davis: So… he wasn't telling me to get my hand out of Kari's pants?

He told us that the building is being fumigated for termites today. School's canceled.

>Squall: (Childishly) Wow! That's better than a snow day!!

Davis: You mean I wasted my day off trying to get to school!? NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>Davis: Speak for yourself! I'm not so dumb that I would make such a bonehead mistake like you did!

>Squall: Did you just refer to yourself in the 5th person!?!

>Davis: …?

Davis has learned a valuable lesson.

>Davis: Yes I have! Next time I see a big Digimon with dark armor, a dark billowing cape, and gauntlets and a helmet designed to look like dragonheads I RUN!!! Or else he'll make me read bad fanfiction!

Trust in your friends and listen to their views and what they have to say. You never know when it may be important.

>Davis: Ouch! That lousy sentiment was actually painful to read!

>Ken: Squall, you could have saved us a lot of headache if you had simply typed, 'Insert pathetic moral here.'

>Squall: (Nervous laugh)

And as for Veemon, well he's still wondering if he can have the rest of Davis's pop-tarts.

>Squall: Funny? I would have thought he still would've wanted a piece of Davis's ass!

>Ken and Davis: (Both punch Squall)

>Squall: (Falls unconscious upon the floor)

The end.

>All: (Clap and cheer)

(Corny ending, eh?)

>Ken: There is the understatement of the century!

>Davis: Yeah! It's finally over!!

>Squall: Nope! There's more…

>Davis: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>Squall: Why does that sound familiar?

>Davis: It just keeps going…

>Ken: …It is like a Springstein concert…

Squall:

>Davis: Mary-sue alert! Mary-sue alert!

I'm finally done. Now I'm getting the @#$% out of here to soak my poor hurting fingers! *I walk out of the room. *

>Squall: (Walks out of the room)

>Ken: Hey! Get back here!

>Squall: (From outside) @#$% off!!

>Ken: …Whoa…

Tai: *Calling back to me. *

>Davis: (Tai) Why didn't I get a part in this F^%&ing story!

>Ken: If I were Tai, I would not want to be in this fic at all… but that is just my opinion.

Watch your language there, dude.

>Davis: (Squall) No F^%&ing way!!

*To the Readers. *

>Ken: Yes?

squall had to go,

>Ken: (Tai) He's busy looking for his capitalization.

so me, and the gang are gonna do the disclaimer.

>Davis: (Tai) We do not in anyway claim that this fic is readable!

Kari: squall does not own Digimon. He most likely will never own Digimon…

>Ken and Davis: Thank goodness!!!!!

Davis: Thank God!

>Davis: Thank you, me.

I'd hate to go through all that again on national Television.

>Davis: Unfortunately I was forced to relive it on the count of an evil Digimon forcing me to read this God-awful fic!

Ken: Don't interrupt, Davis. Like Kari was saying, squall does not own Digimon, so please don't sue.

>Ken: Nice try but I will still see you in court! Hope you have a good lawyer

>Davis: (Johnny Cochran) If the fanfic is sad, we'll sue you real bad!

Besides, squall lives in the Ghetto, so you'd just be wasting your time.

>Davis: (Singing) In the ghetto! A poor little baby-child is born, in the ghetto! In the GHETTO!!!

Yolei: But he does have that cool first edition Kimeramon card.

>Ken: I will have to remember to pilfer that card later on.

Not to mention that he's a major hunk.

>Davis: (Yolei) He paid me to say that.

>Ken: Seeing as how he is the author and he controls everything they say and do I do not think he would have to.

Davis: Yolei, shut up!

>Ken: That is the smartest thing you said in this entire fic!

>Davis: (Stunned) Ken! Look! There's no more text!

>Ken: There isn't!?! Do you know what this means!?!

>Ken and Davis: It's over! We're finally free!!!!!!! (They get up and leave)

(1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… *beep*)

In the satellite's main room, our three heroes are lying in sleeping bags, dressed in pajamas, their Digimon watching with confusion. Chaoticmon's perplexed image is on the screen as he too witnesses the events.

"And why are you doing this again?" Chaoticmon asked, bewildered.

"We're doing this to show how this story should have gone," Squall explained.

"Oh! Well… continue then," Chaoticmon replied.

"Fine then. Let's begin," said Squall. "We've got mail from Izzy!" the baseball-cap clad boy said, imitating Kari's voice as best he could.

Davis began to pretend to snore.

"Wake up, nitwit!" Ken yelled in irritation. Davis rose with a start.

"What is it?" Davis asked, feigning befuddlement.

"Izzy sent us an e-mail saying that school will be canceled tomorrow," Squall said bluntly, still imitating Kari's voice.

"Oh! Okay!" said Davis as he turned over and pretended to go back to sleep.

"…The end" said Ken.

"It's… amazing!" Veemon said with delight.

"It's… fantastic!" Wormmon said in awe.

"It's… short!!" Diamon shouted with glee.

"It wins!!!" the three of them shouted at the same time.

"Ooooo-kay…" said Chaoticmon, dumbfounded.

"Well, that was a lame waste of time!" shouted Seph, who had also witnessed the spectacle.

"Agreed," said Chaoticmon as he turned to the silver haired boy. "Take down a note. Reading bad fanfiction makes the subject dress up in bizarre costumes and do strange things."

"Yes sir!" Seph saluted the Digimon before turning back to their prisoners. "We'll see you next time."

The boy and Digimon let out a sinister laugh before their images disappeared from the screen.

"Whadda we do 'til then?" Davis inquired as Ken walked over and stood at the window.

"I guess we can't do anything until they come back with our next fanfic," said Squall as he exited the room through a set of automatic doors to the right. "Hey! I found some bedrooms over here," he shouted back a moment later.

"I call the biggest one!" yelled Davis as he ran through the door after Squall.

Ken remained behind for a moment or two before sighing to himself and following.

"We are probably going to be here for a while, so I assume it would be best if I chose living quarters as well," he said as he left the room.

To be continued

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own Digimon: Digital Monsters or any characters or story lines there of. Nor do I own the idea of making fun of stuff (i.e. MST3K). They both belong to their respective trademark holders. I also don't own Seph and Chaoticmon (they belong to my step nephew). But I do own Squall and Diamon as well as the story that was just MSTed so back off!

Note from Squall: There y' go folks! My first MST! Not very good, I know. But I recently found out that it's actually easier to MST the work of others than it is to MST your own work. Hopefully my next MST will be better. 'Til then my little potheads!

I got it! Raidramon, devolve back into Veemon and armor-Digivolve into Flamedramon so we can hop across the rooftops.

>Squall: Just like The Tick™

>Davis: spoon!!!!

~Squall~