Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ DST3K ❯ Disaster and a Movie Part I: Brownie escapades at the movies ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Digitally Screwed-Up Theater 3000

Chapter two: Disaster and a Movie

On a really screwed-up planet (Ooooo!)
In the mist of cyberspace (La-la-la!)
There was this dude called Squuaaaall,
Who was caught in a nasty place! (La-la-la!)

He must survive, Chaoticmon's wrath!
Just a sticky ol' 'mon who never takes a bath!
From his castle below with Seph and Demi in his face
He tries to torture all the captives on Ken's old base
(Squall: Get… me… DOWN!!!)

Chaoticmon: I'll send them cheesy fanfics (Ooooo!)
The worst I can find! (Seph and Demi: La-la-la!)
They'll haveta sit and read them all
'Till it ruptures their minds! (La-la-la!)

Now keep in mind, Squall can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La-la-la!)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his Digimon friends!

………Digi-Gang Role Call:
Diamon! (We're the chicks?)
Squall! (Kewl!)
Wormmon! (What's a foe?)
Ken! (Humph!)
Veemon! (How y'all doin'?)
Daaviiiiiiss!! (WAAZZUUUUUUPP!!!)

So if you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other good questions (La-la-la!)
Talk to Izzy 'cause really I just don't know.
And oh yeah, I forgot to mention…

This is Digitally Screwed-Up Theater 3000! (…Twang!)

Ken stares out into the recesses of space, wondering what is to become of them next.
Davis sits at the previously unnoticed satellite computer, most likely downloading badly
forged Hikari Yagami porn. And as for Squall, he sits at the previously unnoticed satellite
couch while he plays Pokémon Gold on his Gameboy Advanced™. He curses his bad
luck as his Typhlosion's™ 'Hyper Beam' misses its intended target.
Nothing of particular interest is going on, and all seems peaceful and calm. Now, we
can't have that, so thankfully the viewing screen sprang to life displaying the image of
our three villains as if on cue to disrupt the peace.
"DAMN IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT! EVERYTHING'S SO DAMN MELLOW IT'S LIKE A
FRIGGIN' EPISODE OF POKÉMON IN HERE!!" screamed a disgruntled Seph.
"Calm down, my little pothead," said Chaoticmon. "I have something that will put an end
to all this. Another fanfic!" the three boys groan upon hearing this. "Yes! It is quite an
interesting tale of an adventurous night out a the movies."
"What's so great about that?" asked Davis.
"Have you ever seen the outrageous prices they have for snacks at the movies now-or-
days?" answered Ken.
"Noooo! What hell!!" Squall yelled.
"Yeah, yeah. And don't eat the M&Ms, whatever. Just get your asses in that theater!"
DemiDevimon scolded.
"After that first experiment, courtesy of Squall, I do not wish to go back in there," Ken
breathed with a shudder
"Oh quit y' belly aching! If it's that bad send the Digimon instead," Seph offered.
"That's not a bad idea. I do need more data on how Digimon react to bad fanfiction,"
contemplated Chaoticmon as he rested his chin in his hand.
"Wait! We don't wanna read bad fanfics!" Diamon protested.
"Too bad! Get in there now!" Seph shouted as the screen went dead.
Soon, enough the familiar lights and buzzers blared throughout the satellite.
"Looks like we're gonna be doin' some readin' for now…" said Veemon. Wormmon
looked quite perturbed.
"Tell me about it." said Diamon. "We got fanfic SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNNN!!!!!!!…"
The three Digimon rushed into the theater.

(7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… *beep*)
(The three Digimon take their seats with Wormmon on the left, Diamon in the middle,
and Veemon on the right.)

>Diamon: I can't believe we have to sit through this tripe!
>Wormmon: Oh Diamon. I'm sure it won't be that bad.
>Veemon: SSSSSHH! It's starting!

Disaster and Movie

>Diamon: The Keanu Reeves story…

Part 1

>Veemon: Holy crap! You mean there's more!
>Diamon: Don't worry. There's only this one and a sequel written by Squall.
>Wormmon: Squall is the king of bad fanfiction.

By Jennifer Morton and Shelli-Jo Pelletier

>Veemon: Along with Billy-bob Pelletier and Jeffro Pelletier.
>Wormmon: (Beverly Hillbillies grandma) JED!!! …Pelletier!
>Diamon: Hey! Lay off, okay! Jennifer and Lexx are friends of mine.

***************

>Veemon: Fifteen stars! They think pretty highly of this fic.

Disclaimer: Because Jennifer unexpectedly lost access to a computer,

>Wormmon: And the ability to use commas correctly.

we had to divide our collaborated fanfic into two parts. The first part is finished and here
for you to enjoy.

>Diamon: Somehow I doubt we will.

We don't know when we'll be able to continue and finish the story.

>Veemon: Does that mean we'll haveta sit here until they finish it?
>Diamon: Hopefully, not!

As always, the characters Lexx and Cunomon belong to myself
(ussfantasy@hotmail.com),

>Veemon: Contacted Yolei at (iluvboys@fakemail.com).

and the characters Jenn and Foximon belong to her

>Wormmon: It would be strange if she belonged to someone else.

(foximon@hotmail.com).

>Diamon: Contact Jun at (crakhore@crakhed.com).

The original characters and the script for the movie (which we have taken some liberties

>Diamon: (Singing) My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberties! -
>Veemon and Wormmon: ???
>Diamon: What! Bite me, you Japs! I'm an American!

with *chuckle*)

>All: ???
>Veemon: Umm… pudding?

belong to Saban, Fox, Toei, and various others I'm sure.

>Diamon: (Mel Brooks) It's good to be Saban!

***************

>Wormmon: Nightfalls somewhere in the world as the stars come out to play.

Cunomon cleared his throat

>Wormmon: Choked and died… The End.
>Diamon: If only…

rather nervously and sat down on the mat in front of the door.

>Veemon: Why is Matt lying in front of the door?
>Wormmon: More importantly, why is he letting this "Cunomon" lie down on top of
him?

He was feeling kind of funny all of a sudden.

>Diamon: The "special" brownies just kicked in!

"Now let's just wait one moment,"

>Veemon: (Cunomon) How many of those brownies did I eat before coming out here,
again?

he said to himself,

>Wormmon: Apparently a lot. He's talking to himself.
>Diamon: (Whispering to Veemon) He's talking to himself again…
>Veemon: (Whispering to Diamon) He's crazy!!

fixing the position of the red bow tie

>Wormmon: Fitting it too tight and straggled himself… end.
>Diamon: It seems kindda loose to me. Look at that space in the "bowtie".

he always worse on special occasions.

>Diamon: And this was the "worst" occasion yet!

"Wait just one moment," he repeated.

>Veemon: He thinks if he says it enough times time will actually freeze.
>Diamon: He does? I think he did more than brownies before getting there.

"I know this isn't a date.

>Veemon: (Cunomon) It's a booty call!

She knows this isn't a date.

>Wormmon: Which of the voices in his head is female?
>Diamon: (Shrugs)

Therefore, it isn't a date, and I have nothing to worry about.

>Diamon: (Condescendingly) You just keep telling yourself that, buddy!

It's just two friends seeing a movie. Right. Right.

>Diamon: Why's he asking us?
>Veemon: Why doesn't he just ask some of those voices in his head?

Yeah." He tried to clear his throat again and choked.

>Diamon: Whaddaya know, Wormmon. You were right!
>Wormmon: Choked and died… The End.

Overcome with a coughing fit,

>Veemon: He needs to quit smoking.
>Diamon: Why do you think he did brownies instead this time?

the little blue dragon

>Wormmon: (Sarcastically) Just great! Another Veemon!

failed to notice the door opening and

>Diamon: Hitting him in the face.

a small furry head poke out.

>Diamon: It's cousin It!

Failed to notice, that is, until the she

>Diamon: I had no idea cousin It was a woman…

asked, "Cuno? Are you all right?"

>Veemon: (Cunomon) No I'm not "all right"! You broke my friggin' nose!

Cunomon jumped up about five feet in the air

>All: !!!
>Diamon: Cunomon's been taking steroids…

and landed on his back.

>Wormmon: Breaking it… The End.

"Yeeeouch!" he yelled as he hit the ground.

>Diamon: (Girl Digimon) Now you're a paraplegic! Tee-Hee!

Regardless of how embarrassed he was, he slowly got up and rubbed his back. "Why did
I have to be one of those dragons with spikes on his back?"

>Wormmon: Those aren't spikes. He landed on several discarded needles.
>Diamon: Why am I getting a feeling of De-já-vu?

Cunomon, as usual, tried to hide his embarrassment by doing what he did best.
Complaining.

>Diamon: (Deadpan) Uh-oh…

"Cunomon?" Foximon said as she sat by the front door.

>Veemon: (Foximon) Shut the F^%& up!!!

"Oh. Heh heh. . . . Hey, Foxi."

>All: MON!!!

At this point, Cuno's sky blue cheeks were now a lighter shade of crimson.

>Veemon: Sssooooo… Myotismon came out of nowhere and smacked Cunomon in the
face with his "Crimson Lightning" attack?
>Diamon: I guess so…

The orange and cream-colored fox Digimon smiled softly,

>Wormmon: And since she was creamed-colored Cunomon devoured her.

trying not to laugh.

>Veemon: (Foximon) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

She knew Cunomon hated it when people laughed at him,

>Wormmon: So she instantly broke into hysterical giggles.

but he was always doing such the funniest things!

>Diamon: Like speaking in grammatically incorrect sentences.

Like now, for instance. He was keeping those huge golden eyes of his steadily on her
paws,

>Veemon: So she gouged them out and pawned them for a butt load of money!

but every few seconds he would glance up, lightning fast, and then return to staring
downward.

>Diamon: So the guy's got a nervous eye twitch, that's no reason to laugh at him.

"Are you ready, Foximon?" he asked politely.

>All: Are you ready for some Football!!!

"Yup! Hold on just a sec." Turning around, Foximon poked her head back inside the
door. "We're leaving Jennifer!" she called inside.
"Have fun!" The human's voice drifted toward them from the living room.

>Wormmon: Just her voice? How strange?
>Diamon: (Foximon) Okay, disembodied voice wafting in the air!

"I will!" The Digimon took a step back

>Wormmon: Tripped, fell, and cracked her head open on a rock… end.

and then shut the door.

>Diamon: In Cunomon's face… again!

"You look very cute tonight, Cuno,"

>All: MON!!!
>Diamon: Y' know what, call each other whatever you want!
>Veemon: Just don't call us late for dinner!

she said as they began to walk. "I like your tie."

>Wormmon: (Foximon) It makes it easier to straggle you!

The dragon Digimon made a strangled sound

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Foxi? Why are you tugging on my tie so hard?

and swallowed hard.

>Veemon: (Doofy) Cunomon swallows!!!
>Wormmon and Diamon: (Disgusted)

"Oh . . . uh, thanks. I mean, thank you, Foximon. Really. You look . . . beautiful."

>Diamon: (Singing) I'll make love to you! Like you want me to! And I'll hold you tight,
baby, all through the night!! -

It was her turn to blush.

>Diamon: (Childishly) Tag!! You're blush!! Tee-Hee!!

Cunomon had never said anything like that to her before!

>Wormmon: It made her want to vomit.

"Thank you Cuno." Her voice was soft.
He didn't respond.

Wormmon: (Cunomon) …

She glanced over and saw him staring down at the ground again.

>Diamon: There goes that eye twitch again!

They walked in silence for a few more minutes, and she could practically feel the waves
of discomfort flowing off them.

>Diamon and Veemon: (Foximon and Cunomon) DISCOMFORT WAVES!!!
>Wormmon: (Comic book guy™) Lamest attack… ever!

She looked around. Thank goodness it was after dark, and not many humans were out
walking the streets.

>Wormmon: She could dispose of the body more easily.

She was often mistaken for a stray dog,

>Veemon: Unfortunately that was by other stray dogs.

but she didn't know what people would think if they saw Cuno clearly.

>Wormmon: Seeing Cuno clearly, I think they would want to claw their own eyes out.

She noticed they were passing by the city park

>Veemon: (Foximon) Here's a good place to get mugged!

and spotted a bench.

>Diamon: She gave Cuno a five-minute penalty.

"Cunomon, come here," she said, trotting ahead.

>Diamon: Why do I feel like a Vanessa Carlton song should be playing right now?

He stared and then followed her as together they sat under the bench.

>Diamon: Funny? Typically one sits on top of a bench, but that's just what I was taught.

"Cunomon, you don't have to be uncomfortable," she assured him, launching right into
her point.

>Wormmon: Launching the point right into his chest…

He shifted uneasily. "I-I'm not uncomfortable Foxi," he stuttered.

>Diamon: (Porky Pig) I bedi-bedi-bedi, that's all folks!
>Wormmon: If only…

She giggled. "It's very obvious Cuno."

>Diamon: …That there should be a comma there.

"Oh."

>All: Oh!

Foximon gave Cunomon a light pat on the head.

>Wormmon: Looking for a soft spot to stick the knife.

"Besides, we're not on a date. We're just two friends hanging out and having a good
time,"

>All: (Groan)
>Veemon: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS ALREADY!!!
>Diamon: No fair making us relive the intro!

she said with a smile so warm it could melt a cube of butter.

>Wormmon: What an odd attack?
>Veemon: I'd like to see her try that on a Monochromon!

And Cunomon's heart was definitely melting.

>Diamon: (Snickering) His heart's made of butter? Talk about high cholesterol!

The little blue dragon forced another gulp.

>Veemon: (Doofy) Cunomon swallows!!!
>Wormmon and Diamon: (Disgusted)
>Diamon: You wanna quit with that?

"Yeah. . . . Heh heh. That's just what I keep telling myself."

>Wormmon: (Cunomon) Well, that's what one of the voices in my head tells me.
Another one tells me to burn things…

He continued to stare at the ground, finding it very difficult to make eye contact with
Foxi.

>Wormmon: Well of course it's difficult to make eye contact with someone when you
refuse to look at them.

"Uh oh!

>Diamon: (Foximon) I lost my hyphen.
>Wormmon: According to the last fic, ExVeemon has it!

We'd better hurry up, or we'll miss our movie!"

>Diamon: (Foximon) That would be a… disaster! Get it?
>Veemon: That better not be the "disaster".

Foximon rushed out from under the bench.

>Veemon: And got shot by a random mugger!

Cunomon slowly followed. "Oh right, the movie."

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Right! That thing that came with our disaster.

* * *

>Wormmon: A Cyclops is enjoying the movie.

They arrived at the theater with, according to the blinking sign of the bank across the
street, five minutes to spare.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Just enough time to rob it and make it in time for the matinee.

Just enough time to sneak in and get settled down.

>Veemon: Apparently, Foximon has some theater hopping planed.
>Wormmon: I wish we could hop this theater.

Cunomon, all bravado now, led the way around the side of the theater.

>Diamon: And was instantly caught by an usher.

"I saw this on TV once," he whispered with a silly grin.

>Diamon: (Rolls his eyes) Now I feel really good about this…

Foximon giggled and contently trotted beside him as he found the side entrance and
together they slipped

>Wormmon: On some randomly placed garbage, breaking their necks… end.

in.
Digimon were good at being inconspicuous, when they wanted to be.

>Diamon: Heh! Tell that to the people who lived in the numerous buildings Greymon
accidentally stepped on!
>Veemon: Or everyone who ever lived at Heighten-View Terrace!

Hiding behind a big cardboard cutout of Godzilla,

>Diamon: They're still playing that movie?

the two Rookies watched the many humans walking by.

>Veemon: (Foximon) How 'bout that guy, Cuno? Boxers or briefs?

Some were rowdy teenagers,

>Diamon: (Usher) Hey you punk kids! Put that Godzilla cutout back!
>Veemon: (Foximon) Uh-oh!

some were quiet couples walking arm-in-arm

>Wormmon: Since it would be rather difficult to walk leg-in-leg.
>Veemon: Not if they're walking on their hands.

(Eep!

>Diamon: Every Eel Poops!
>Veemon: Eww...Eat Pants!?
>Wormmon: Everyone Evangelizes Phlegm...

Cunomon thought when Foximon gazed longingly at them),

>Diamon: (Cunomon) You can forget about it, baby. You need to be able to walk upright
to do that.

and some were harried-looking adults being dragged by small children.

>Veemon: (Child) Mommy! Buy me these Pokémon cards!
>Diamon: (Mother) Good God! No!!

The majority of the latter were entering the room on the far right.

>Diamon: The one marked "bathroom".
>Veemon: Man, do they haveta go potty!

The little dragon Digimon squinted at the sign above the double doors.

>Diamon: (Cunomon) "Def Jam's: How to be a player." Sounds… educational…
>Wormmon: (Cunomon) "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Interesting choice…
>Veemon: (Cunomon) Ooooo!!! "Scary Movie 2"!!!

"What's it say?" he whispered softly to the orange and cream-colored

>Veemon: And flavored! Yum, yum!

fox crouched beside him. Lexx had taught him to read, but unless he really concentrated
he usually just didn't have the patience.

>Diamon: (Public service guy) Illiteracy affects three out of every ten Digimon-
>Wormmon: Being forced to read these fanfics, I'm starting to wish I were illiterate.

"It says Digimon: The Movie,"

>Veemon: You're telling me he has to concentrate really hard just to read three words?
You better hope you never get stuck on a satellite and are forced to read fanfics!

assured Foximon, glancing left and right for the man in the red vest that took the
humans' tickets. Finally she spotted him, taking advantage of the fact that the flow of
moviegoers had ended now that the movie was about to start and zipping into the
restroom.

>Diamon: (Usher) That's the last time a drink a big gulp by myself!

The other humans in red vests were busy behind the food counters. "Now's our chance,"
she hissed. "Come on!"

>Veemon: (Foximon) Snatch and run! Snatch and run!

Anyone watching would have been quite surprised to see two streaks,

>Diamon: (Snickers) Someone needs to wipe better!

one colored blue and the other orange,

>All: ???
>Veemon: What're they eating that they have skid marks in those colors?
>Diamon: Cheese puffs and Smurfs?

shoot across the main entrance and into the darkened room.

>Veemon: (Starts humming porno music).

"Over there, Foxi!" Cunomon pointed to a spot in the front row. The little blue dragon
smiled. "Well, what do ya think?"

>Diamon: I think you'll go blind if you sit that close to the screen.

Foximon looked forward to where Cunomon was pointing. She was very quiet for a
moment.

>Wormmon: Thank goodness one of them shut up!

Cunomon raised an eyebrow. "What?"

>Veemon: Sitting near the front, eh? I guess they're gonna make fun of it like we do!

Foximon turned to face Cunomon. She responded with a frown.

>Diamon: Was the frown warm enough to melt butter?

"Well, actually Jenn and I always like to sit near the back. That way we can see the
movie better," she assured him. She smiled at the thought.

>Wormmon: And melted his heart again.
>Veemon: (Cunomon) Holy $#%+!! You're melting my heart again! Quick! Quit
smiling, you stupid bitch!

Cunomon's jaw dropped.

>Diamon: Oh! I get it! Instead of a heart-melting smile she gave him a jaw-dropping
smile.
>Wormmon: It's kindda hard to smile if your jaw has dropped.

Though he thought his idea was brilliant,

>Veemon: He realized that he was an idiot!

he had to admit that Foximon had a point.

>Wormmon: And since she was holding it at his chest he decided to agree with her.

He figured that he would just give her the benefit of the doubt. "Oh, okay. Ladies'
choice."

>Diamon: (Foximon/Ash Ketchum) I choose you!! Tee-Hee!

The fox giggled. " 'Course it is. Quiet now.

>Wormmon: About time someone shut him up!

We don't want to get caught by any of the humans."

>Veemon: (Ash Ketchum) I caught Foximon! (Gives a peace sign)

So saying, she hopped up on the aisle seat of the very last row.

>Diamon: Or, at least she tried but she found that her feet were stuck to the theater floor.

Cunomon started at her,

>Wormmon: And finished at the door.

blinked once or twice,

>Diamon: (Clueless Cunomon) Like, totally!

then gamely gathered himself

>Diamon: "Gathered himself"?
>Wormmon: He's making sure all the voices in his head are present and accounted for.

and jumped up next to her.

>Diamon: Face-first!

Unfortunately he had mistimed his jump and ended up on top,

>All: !!!

inside of beside her.

>Diamon and Veemon: O.O
>Wormmon: Umm, I think they mean "instead".

"Uh . . . oops. Sorry,"

>Veemon: (Cunomon) I'm sorry I landed "inside" of you.

he muttered, his cheeks flaming

>Wormmon: Why did his cheeks suddenly spontaneously combust?

as he crawled over the armrest and slumped into the seat beside Foxi's. He didn't dare
look at her.

>Diamon: For fear that she would smile and melt his heart again.

Foximon grinned at the little dragon's embarrassed expression,

>Wormmon: (Foximon, grinning) I hate you so much…

sought something comforting to say, then forgot about it as the lights fell.

>Diamon: (Joe) Attention span of a gnat!

"Oooooo!

>Veemon: (Foximon, stuck on stupid) The colors!
>Wormmon: Did she have some of Cunomon's brownies, too? And why does that sound
familiar?

It's starting!" she whispered with excitement.

>Veemon: She got a little too excited!
>Diamon: That explains the sticky theater floor.

Cunomon looked up and smiled. "Cool. Hey! Lookee what I found!"

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Cool! ABC gum!
>Veemon: Yuck! Already Been Chewed!

He reached to the side and brought over a bag of popcorn obviously left from the
previous moviegoers.

>Diamon: Actually, it was left by the popcorn fairy!

It was only half full, and a bit stale, but it smelled perfectly fine.

>Veemon: If you consider the smell of ass, "fine".

"Free snack," he told her, offering her the bag.

>Wormmon: She then promptly vomited into it.

Foximon smiled demurely

>Diamon: Melting some butter to put on the popcorn.

and thanked him as she popped a kernel into her mouth.

>Wormmon: Choked and died… The End.

Not bad for not paying.

>Diamon: At least Jimmy the homeless wino seems to think so.

Such was the life of a Digimon living in the real world. They couldn't exactly saunter up
to the counter and buy what they wanted.

>Diamon: (Pulls out a big bag of hot popcorn and a box of M&Ms™ and starts eating)
>Wormmon: Where'd you get those?
>Diamon: (Mouth full of candy) Bought them on the way into the theater.

The little children and some older teenagers were quieting

>Diamon: What happen to the happy couples walking arm-in-arm?
>Veemon: They went to see the Pokémon movie.

as the previews started.

>Veemon: (Summer blockbuster voice guy) Coming this summer…! Koushirou Izumi
IS…! Spiderman II: The wrath of Jamison!!
>Diamon: (Quickly) This film is not yet rated…

Foximon glanced over, watching the bright lights play over Cunomon,

>Veemon: (Foximon, stuck on stupid) Ooooo! The colors!

bathing him in now red, now blue, now green light.

>Wormmon: Cars passing by mistook him for a traffic signal and ran him down… end.

He was oblivious to her attention,

>Wormmon: Cunomon seems oblivious to a lot of things.
>Veemon: Too many special brownies will do that to you.

staring at the screen with his yellow eyes wide.

>Diamon: Oh! Now they're just yellow. Earlier they were golden.
>Veemon: Foximon pawned the golden ones so he has to use plain yellow ones, now.

His pointed ears tilted forward to catch the sound.

>Veemon: (Ash Ketchum) I caught sound!! (Gives a peace sign).

She couldn't help but giggle as he stuffed a giant handful of popcorn into his mouth and

>Wormmon: Choked and died… The End.
>Diamon: Just how many times have you said that so far?

chewed noisily, eyes never leaving the screen.

>Veemon: Even when he went to the bathroom they didn't leave.

So cute!

>Diamon: (Kawiimon) EEEEEEEE!!!! SOOOO CUUUUUUUUUTE!!!
>Wormmon and Veemon: ???
>Diamon: (Embarrassed) Private joke…

Too bad he was more interested in the movie and the popcorn than her. . . .

>Diamon: (Ears shoot up) I'm interested in you!

There was almost complete darkness for a moment as the previews ended and the screen
faded away to black.

>Diamon: (The Rolling Stones) I see a theater screen and I want it faded blaaaaaaaack! -

A few kids started to chatter, only to be silenced by a parental "Shhhhh!"

>Diamon: And a slap in the face!
>Veemon: (Parents) Shut the F^%& up or I'll give y' five across the eyes!!!

Then the screen brightened again.

>Diamon: So far the movie's been nothing but brightening and dimming lights…
>Wormmon: Are the filmmakers trying to give the crowd epilepsy?

The fox Digimon settled down to watch,

>Diamon: You are watching FOX™… type Digimon.

her eyes making a quick pass around the theater.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Kids, teens, kids, teens, suspected murderer, kids, Myotismon,
more kids… nope! Nothing usual!

Suddenly she yelped and jumped, almost upsetting the bag of popcorn.

>Veemon: (Bag of popcorn) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>Diamon: (Foximon) There, there, little bag of popcorn. Nothing to get upset about.
>Wormmon: You guys are weird…

There was a little human boy

>Veemon: (Patamon) It's… TK!!

standing next to her chair!

>Wormmon: At least he's not standing "inside" of her, like Cunomon did.

He must have snuck away from his parents when the lights went down,

>Diamon: The little bugger was always doing stuff like that.
>Veemon: (Human boy's mom) Junior! What did I tell you about standing next to and/or
inside of strange Digital Monsters?

she thought,

>Wormmon: "She thought"? I thought I smelled something burning…

holding very, very still.

>Diamon: (Discovery Channel guy) Watch in awe as the Foximon blends seamlessly into
its surroundings…

The boy couldn't have been older than seven or eight.

>Veemon: (Patamon)
TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!

A lock of dark blond hair fell in front of his eyes, the rest cupped around his oval face.
Large dark eyes stared at her through his bangs.

>Diamon: Gee, I (cough)TK(cough) wonder who (cough)TK(cough) this boy
(cough)TK(cough) could be?

"Uh . . . woof?"

>Diamon: I wish I could make her say that!

she attempted, smiling weakly.

>Veemon: She lost some of her heart-melting powers!
>Wormmon: There wasn't much to lose seeing as how she could only melt hearts made
of butter.

The little boy leaned closer, until he was almost nose to nose

>Veemon: Could use a dash of dashes.

with Foximon. Where in the Digiworld is Cuno?

>Diamon: (Singing) Where-in the Digiworld is-Cuno Sandieago!

she thought desperately. This was exactly the kind of thing he was supposed to protect
her from!

>Diamon: I think you've got him confused with Gallantmon!
>Veemon: He's a dragon, not a knight!

"You're a Digimon, aren't you?"

>Diamon: (Foximon) No sh*t, Sherlock!

he whispered, so soft she could barely hear him.

>Veemon: (Old Foximon) Eh? What was that, sonny?

His breath smelled like chocolate and mint.

>Wormmon: Guess he's been eating Junior Mints™.

Darn.

>Diamon: Hell, damn, fart!

How come human kids could always tell?

>Veemon: Maybe 'cause HE'S NOT BLIND!!!!!

Foximon gave a tiny nod.

>Wormmon: The boy took her tiny nod and in return gave her a large jiggle.

The boy leaned back. "Don't worry, I won't tell," he promised, grinning.

>Wormmon: He then proceeded to the front of the theater and yelled, "THERE ARE
TWO DIGIMON BACK THERE!!!"

Then he turned back and trotted down the aisle, slumping into a seat next to a bored-
looking blond woman.

>Diamon: Not his mother, just some random woman. He's a weird kid!

The fox Digimon blinked once, then again.

>Wormmon: Then again!
>Diamon: Then again!!
>Veemon: THEN AGAIN!!!

That was . . . weird.

>Veemon: Whaddaya know! William Shatner makes an unexpected appearance in this
fanfic, too!

Suddenly she remembered Cunomon and looked around. "Cuno?" she called softly.

>Veemon: (Foximon) I speak softly, but I carry a big stick!
>Diamon: I carry a big stick, too… "If you know what I mean." wink-wink, nudge-
nudge, say no more…

A sky blue head poked out from under the seat next to her.

>Diamon: As well as from the seat "inside" of her.

"Is he gone?"

>Veemon: Humph! …Punk!

My hero, she sighed to herself. Oh well. That was just the sort of 'mon Cunomon was.

>Diamon: He ain't a dragon, he's a chicken!

"Yes, he's gone. Just curious, I think."

>Veemon: (Foximon) He kept touching "inside" of me. It was weird, but fun!

Cunomon crawled out

>Diamon: From "inside" of her…

and back up into his seat. "Oh. Sorry."

>Diamon: (Foximon) Diamon wouldn't have ditched me! He's a real man!!

"Not a problem."

>Diamon: (Foximon, whispering) …Whip!

I have no idea how he survived in Digiworld.

>Veemon: He ran like a puss, how else?

Now that the crisis was over,

>Wormmon: They could get back to the disaster.

Foximon realized there was a song playing.

>Veemon: (Continues humming porno music)
>Wormmon: Guess they went into the wrong theater
>Diamon: Personally I'd consider it the right theater. (Wink-wink)

It was loud and obnoxious.

>Diamon: It was a Britney Spears song.
>Veemon: More like, "Shit-ney Spears."

As she watched images of Patamon, Gatomon and the other Digi-Destined Digimon
bounce and jump around the screen, she realized

>Wormmon: That Cuno had slipped her some of his special brownies.
>Diamon: And that it was making her see unnecessary hyphens.

the opening credits were playing.

>Wormmon: (Singing) The Digivolution is up and running!
>Veemon: (Singing) Dijya see-dijya hear-dijya know what's coming!!
>Diamon: (Terri-Lei O'Malley) Dijya see-dijya hear-dijya know that my show's just a
rip off of Pokémon?

Yuck.

>Wormmon: She just realized that she ate stale old popcorn left by who knows whom…

This was worse than that "D - D - D - Digimon" song from the TV show!

>Veemon: Hey! I like that song!
>Wormmon: (Sneeringly) You would…
>Diamon: Why does that sound familiar?

"They should have let the Digimon compose the songs,"

>Veemon: Not if they're gonna let Geckomon compose it.

Cunomon complained,

>All: (Groan)

apparently thinking along the same lines as she was.

>Wormmon: We keep on discovering weird powers from them. Now we know that
Cuno's telepathic.

"We could think up better stuff than this!"

>Diamon: I read a fanfic Cuno wrote one time. Trust me, they couldn't…

She giggled. "I dunno. Have you ever heard Agumon?"

>Wormmon and Veemon: (Agumon and Gomamon) Prove a song to you! A tune from
now until June! And when you hear us sing you'll call us singing baboooons! We just
wanna wake you up!! So don't close your ears! Or you can sleep for years!
>Diamon: Humph! Check this out! (Singing amazingly beautifully) Let me be the one to
call. If you jump, I'll break your fall. Lift you up, and fly away with you into the night!!
If you need to fall apart I can mend your broken heart. If you need to crash, then crash
and burn, you're not alone!!!
>Wormmon: and Veemon: O.O

But at that moment the song ended and the woman who did Kari's voice on the show
started talking, and their conversation died.

>Wormmon: Because they died… end.

Foximon's eyes grew wide

>Veemon: Guess she really did have some of those brownies.

as she saw a very young and very kawaii

>Diamon: (Kawiimon) KAWAII!!!!!!!!

Taichi climbing down from his top bunk.

>Wormmon: She's excited by chibi Tai?
>Veemon: PEDOPHILE!!!!!

"Awww," Foximon whispered, "it's like watching one of those old home movies."

>Diamon: (Singing) What would you do if you sang out of tune? Would you stand up
and walkout on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song. I'll try not to sing out of
key…

Cunomon snickered at the thought. "I know; I've seen Lexx's. Yeesh, kinda makes ya
question why they don't cancel America's Funniest Home Videos.

>Veemon: Or Mystery Science Theater 3000 for that matter.

Heh heh. Lexx's baby moments are so much more entertaining."

>Veemon: Whaddaya know! They're both pedophiles.

Foximon nodded in agreement. "Human babies are so interesting,"

>Diamon: (Foximon) Cuno! Let's start a family!!
>Veemon: (Cunomon) Gulp!!

she said as she continued to look up at the screen. She and Cunomon watched as the
other chosen children started to make an appearance.

>Diamon: I had no idea the Digidestined were Jewish.

Sora, Matt, T.K., Mimi, Joe and Izzy. They were all so young.

>Veemon: Perfect for molesting!

"It's a good thing Jen and Lexx aren't here."

>Diamon: And Jenn too!

Foximon mimicked her human.

>Diamon: (Foximon as Jennifer) Disney is cool! Old cars are cool! Everything's cool!
>Veemon: (Foximon as Jennifer) Matt, I wanna F@%& you so bad!
>Wormmon: (Foximon as Jennifer) I am a slowwitted redhead. You can deflate my
breasts by pulling out this cork.
>Diamon: (Slaps his forehead) Jenn is gonna kill us…

" 'Oh Foximon! Matt was sooo cute and sweet when he was little! I could just cuddle
him all day. . . .'

>Veemon: Jenn's a pedophile too!
>Diamon: Everyone's a pedophile in this story!

My God, I never heard the end of it!"

>All: ???
>Wormmon: It's already happened? That was quick…

Cunomon laughed.

>Diamon: No particular reason, he just laughed. He's a weird 'mon.

"I caught Lexx

>Veemon: (Ash Ketchum) I caught Lexx! (Gives a peace sign).
>Diamon: That jokes getting kindda old, Veemon.

chanting Izzy's name in her sleep the other night.

>Wormmon: (Izzy) The subliminal messaging is working!

One of these days I'm getting it on tape and releasing on our site as an .mp3."

>Diamon: Too late, Cuno. You can already download it from Napster™.
>Veemon: (Listing to mp3 of Lexx sleeping) Hmm, and all this time I thought it was a
Yoko Ono album.

He grinned. "Payback for posting 'Cunomon's Crushes!'"

>Diamon: So Lexx displays all the women you've conquered. I wish I had that many
girlfriends. Hell, I wish I had *A* girlfriend!

"You wouldn't!" Foximon gasped.

>Wormmon: (Foximon) She'd sue you! Tee-Hee

"Nah. I'm just playin'.

>Diamon: Cuno's the biggest "player" on the 'net!
>Veemon: And he kicks it old school!

Me an' Lexx may not get along half the time, but I would never do anything that
extreme," assured Cunomon.

>Wormmon: (Cunomon) If I got mad at her I'd just strangle her with my bowtie.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly."

>Wormmon: Die…
>Diamon: Hell, "cross my heart and hope to fly," sounds like something you'd hear in an
episode of Rugrats.

The little fox Digimon giggled at Cunomon's cuteness. "You are cute."

>Wormmon: Ugh!
>Veemon: Too… cute…
>Diamon: …Like Kawiimon… on steroids…

"I know," replied Cuno with a charming smile.

>Diamon: (Blonde Cunomon) Like, I am sssooooooo cute! Like, totally or some junk!
Tee-Hee!

Foximon could clearly see why he had so many admirers.

>Wormmon: Really? Care to clarify it to us?

Not only was he sweet and funny,

>All: Liar!!

but he had the most gorgeous smile.

>All: (Goofy buck-tooth grins)

Just then, Cunomon's attention was drawn back to the movie.

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Oh yeah! It's that thing that we came to watch but don't seem to
be paying any attention to.
>Wormmon: I would hope they pay more attention to the disaster.

"Oh, I love this part!" The Digimon dragon watched as the battle with Parrotmon and
Greymon began.

>Veemon: (Cunomon) Greymon gets his ass kicked! I love it!

"Man, this is even better then the movies!"

>All: ???

"Uh, Cunomon. . . ."

>Wormmon: (Preparing himself) Brace yourselves, guys. Foximon's about to say
something.

Foximon was interrupted by a loud chorus of "Shhh!" from other annoyed moviegoers.

>Wormmon: (Grateful) Thank you, random moviegoers.

She hunched back down in her seat, muttering.

>Veemon: (Muttering Foximon)
@$%@#$%%#@%^#$%@$#^@#%^^$#^@#^#$^#$^#$^$#^###%^…

Cunomon put a comforting paw

>Veemon: "Inside" of her. Or, at least, that's what I would do. (Evil grin)

on Foximon's shoulder. "Want me to sneak over there and spit in their nachos?"

>Diamon: (Taco Bell™ guy) Zesty!!

Foximon only smiled.

>Wormmon: (Foximon) No need. I'll just melt their hearts.
>Veemon: Or their butter…

"Let's just watch the movie."

>Diamon: (Foximon) We'll spit in their nachos later…

"As you wish," he replied,

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Cunomon, digivolve too… Geniemon!!!

lifting his arm over her head.

>Veemon: (Continues humming porno music)
>Diamon: Cuno's "inside" her personal space.

Foximon immediately regretted her words.

>Diamon: Especially the words "F#%& me!!!"

Had Cunomon been making some kind of subtle move?

>Veemon: He can't be. That would require an I.Q.

Was that his way of trying to tell her how he really felt?

>Wormmon: He feels like spitting in her nachos? Strange way to show affection…
>Veemon: Unless that's some kind of euphemism.

Had she just ruined any chance she might have had with him forever?

>Wormmon: More importantly, should we care?

The fox looked over at the dragon-again stuffing his face with popcorn,

>Diamon: Damn! Someone finally used a hyphen correctly!!

eyes glued to the screen-

>Wormmon: That blonde kid came back and sprayed KrazyGlue in his eyes.
>Diamon: I told you he was a weird kid.

and shook her head with a fond smile. Cunomon wasn't that subtle.

>Wormmon: …Or smart.
>Diamon: …Or fun.
>Veemon: …Or cute.

If he felt something, he would just say it, she was certain.

>Veemon: (Cunomon) I feel a fart coming!
>Diamon: (Foximon) See what I mean?

That was just the kind of 'mon Cuno was.

>Diamon: …A blunt jackass!

When she realized that was the second time she'd told herself that this evening,

>Diamon: She realized what a dork Cuno was and left him… the end.
>Veemon: Isn't he your friend?
>Diamon: I want this story to end just as bad as you two do. And besides, I'd prefer it if
Foximon went out with me.

Foximon couldn't help but chuckle.
"Whattha lawfin' awt?"

>All: ???
>Diamon: (Confused) Y' learn a new word everyday…

the blue and yellow dragon asked around a mouthful of popcorn.

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Who put this disembodied mouth full of popcorn in front of me?
>Veemon: Do you think they'd eat popcorn from a disembodied mouth?
>Diamon: (Shrugs)

"You. You're cuteness," she added hastily, not wanting to offend him.

>Wormmon: Failing miserably.

He swallowed hugely,

>Veemon: (Opens his mouth to speak)
>Diamon: Veemon! If you say what I think you're going to say I'll make it so you'll
never be able to swallow again!
>Veemon: (Closes his mouth)

licked his lips, and grinned at her.

>Wormmon: (Cunomon) Now it's my turn to melt your heart!

She chuckled again.

>Diamon: Everyone in this fic seems to have a case of the giggles!
>Veemon: Maybe they all had some brownies?

"We're not really watching much of the movie,"

>Diamon: (Sarcastically) No… Y' THINK!!!!

Cunomon pointed out,

>Wormmon: Now he has the point pointed at her chest…

turning from the screen to look at her.

>Wormmon: Strangely, his eyes were hovering in the air and still looking at the screen…

She glanced over and noticed the adorable baby Kari and Tai on the street,

>Wormmon: Getting hit by a car…

calling for their lost friend as the first part of the movie ended.

>Veemon: They thought it was actually the end of the movie and went home… end.

Her ears drooped.

>Diamon: When are they not drooping? I swear I doubt she could lift them under their
own power.

How sad.

>Diamon: Don't get sad… get Glad™.

And she totally missed what happened.

>Veemon: Especially bad 'cause THAT WAS THE MOST KICK-ASS FIGHT EVER
AND THEY'LL NEVER SHOW IT AGAIN!!!!!!!
>Diamon: (Foximon) Damn…

Oh, she knew the story, of course.

>Veemon: (Foximon as Homer Simpson) Wait! Let me get this straight! So the cops
knew that Internal Affairs was setting them up?
>Wormmon: Huh? There was nothing like that in the movie!
>Veemon: (Foximon) See, when I get bored I tend to make up my own movie.
>Diamon: I said it before and I'll say it again! (Joe) Attention span of a gnat!

The power of Greymon's attack was strong enough to seal the breach between the two
dimensions, sending both Digimon back to Digiworld.

>Diamon: Huh? (Flips through Digimon movie script)

But she missed the movie's interpretation

>Diamon: I'll say! In the movie, Greymon just kindda vaporizes the both of them.

by talking with Cunomon.

>Diamon: Heh, yeah. Some people go to the movies to, well, I don't know, SEE A
MOVIE!!!!!

On the other paw. . . .

>Veemon: The other paw was "inside" of her.
>Diamon: Guess the movie was more boring than she thought it'd be.

"Actually, I'd rather talk with you than watch some movie, Cunomon,"

>Veemon: You could've done that at home, dumb-asses!!!
>Wormmon: And perhaps saved us the torture of having to read this fic.

she said, her eyes and voice soft and serious.

>Diamon: As she shrieked needlessly at him…

Cunomon's ears stood up straight and he gulped.

>Veemon: (Opens his mouth, ready to speak)
>Diamon: (Annoyed) Veemon!!!
>Veemon: Well, if he doesn't want me to say it maybe he should stop doing it!

"Y-you would?"

>Diamon: (Cunomon) Damn… now she won't shut up…

At her nod he began fiddling with his bow tie nervously.

>Wormmon: Tightening it too much and strangling himself… The End.
>Diamon: That's one way of getting out of having to talk to her…

The moment was perfect.

>Diamon: No one was looking… she could murder him without fear of witnesses…

She grinned and leaned over to give him a kiss.

>Veemon: And he instantly contracted Crabs, AIDS, Herpes, Hepatitis A, B, C, D(?),
Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, V.D., Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, Impotence, Genital
Warts, and Crabs again!!
>Diamon: Wow… just like James Bond…

"Pssst! Digimon!"

>Diamon: Someone pissed on a Digimon?
>Veemon: We're not urinals, y' know!!

Foximon started and

>Diamon: Finished…
>Wormmon: The story…
>Veemon: End…

straightened up, leaving Cunomon blinking and confused.

>Diamon: Why do I get the feeling that if Cuno were a gijinka he'd have blonde hair?

She turned to find the same blond boy standing by her seat.

>Wormmon: Is anyone actually watching the movie?
>Diamon: Nope! Everyone's just standing either beside or "inside" of Foximon.

"What do you want?" she hissed, slightly miffed.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Blondes really piss me off!

The little boy silently pointed at the screen.

>Wormmon: (Blonde boy) You morons came here so maybe you should watch the damn
movie!

Foximon and Cunomon turned together to look.

>Diamon and Veemon: (Foximon and Cunomon) Ooooo!! Hentai!!

"Uh oh," Cuno whispered.
"I'll second that," echoed Foxi.

>Wormmon: I move that we kill them both and end this story…
>Veemon: I second the motion!
>Diamon: I third it!

The screen was . . . changing.

>Diamon: It was brightening and dimming again.

Bending, flexing almost.

>Veemon: (Cunomon) Wow!! These brownies are F@%&ing great!!!

Tiny crackles of blue electricity crawled around the edges of the rectangular screen.

>Diamon: (Foximon stuck on stupid) Ooooo!! The colors…

The humans in the movie theater were beginning to murmur with confusion and worry.

>Veemon: (Murmuring humans) Holy $#%+…
>Wormmon: (Murmuring humans) We're all gonna die…
>Diamon: (Murmuring humans) Maybe we should, I don't know, run…?

The movie was playing normally, though.

>Wormmon: If you excluded the fact that Takato Mattsuki and Ash Ketchum were there
for no apparent reason.
>Veemon: (Ash Ketchum) I caught Takato Mattsuki!!! (Gives a peace sign)

Foximon set her front paws on the back of the seat in front of her, rising up a little to see
over the peoples' heads.

>Diamon: Don't you hate it when rude fox-type Digimon prop their feet up on the back
of your chair?

The lights were coming on.

>Wormmon: Assisting the movie screen in giving the crowd epilepsy.

"What's going on?" she asked Cuno, relieved that at least no one was paying attention to
them other than the boy.

>Wormmon: They were actually watching the movie.

"Is there some problem with the movie?"

>Diamon: (Condescendingly) No problem! Time and space is just warping at an alarming
rate, that's all.

Her tail thrashed in agitation.

>Veemon: Smacking the crap out of everyone in the near vicinity.

Cunomon shook his head unhappily as he imitated her pose.

>Diamon: Don't you hate it when rude dragon-type Digimon prop their feet up on the
back of your chair?

"Lexx explained it to me before I left to pick you up.

>Diamon: I had no idea Lexx was an expert in quantum physics.

That's just

>Wormmon: An exact replica of Cunomon's mind.

a blank screen

>Wormmon: Same difference.

and the picture comes from up there."

>Diamon: (Sneeringly) No, Cunomon! The movie doesn't come from God!
>Veemon: But if Jennifer Lopez was in it then it did come from the other place!

He pointed over his shoulder upwards and in back of them.

>Diamon: (Cunomon as a flight attendant) In case of emergencies the exits are here, here,
here and here!

"If anything went wrong . . . well,

>Veemon: (Cunomon) Well, then we'd all be screwed!

the screen shouldn't be doing that. It shouldn't be doing anything."

>The theater screen: I'll do what I damn well please, thank you!
>All: ???
>Diamon: Did Cuno slip us some of his brownies, too?

"Well it is!"

>Wormmon: (Foximon) It got up and ran away from us, I don't know why?

Foxi yelped, diving down behind the seat as the bolts of blue electricity began exploding
from the screen.

>Diamon: The screen's trying to vaporize them?
>Veemon: Go, screen!!!

There were screams of terror from the humans.

>Diamon: Because Cuno started complaining again.

"We have to help them," Cunomon gasped, jumping down beside her.

>Diamon: As long as he didn't jump "inside" of her.

"It's our job. We're Digimon."

>Wormmon: Cunomon then promptly turned around and ran like Hell…
>Veemon: Told you he was a punk.
>Diamon: Wait a minute… (Flips through his application) …I don't remember that in the
job description…

"Hey, protecting one human is quite enough," grumbled Foximon,

>Diamon: Ugh! Now she's complaining…

but she turned and snagged the little boy's pant leg.

>Veemon: Pulled them down, jumped on top of him, and then he went "inside" of her.
>Diamon: Ugh! Enough with the imagery!

He was still standing in the aisle, seeming in shock.

>Diamon: 'Cause a Pikachu was electrocuting the $#%+ out of him!

"Run for the exit," she ordered when she had his attention.

>Veemon: I wonder if he'll go "inside" of her exit? Heh-heh!
>Diamon: You're obsessed with that, aren't you?
>Veemon: I'm in the Digimon equivalent of extreme puberty! Bite me!

"But my mom. . . ."

>Diamon: (Blonde boy) And by that I mean the random blond woman I just met.

"Now!" she barked.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Uh… woof?"

"We'll help everyone else." A bolt of lightning snapped and crackled

>Veemon: And popped…
>Diamon: It's Rice Crispies™ lightning.

between them, and that was incentive enough to send him scrambling for the doors.

>Veemon: That and the fat bribe Foximon gave him!

Cunomon, meanwhile, had leapt up onto the top of the seat. "Can't digi-volve,"

>Wormmon: (Cunomon) Until I get a doctor to remove this hyphen!

he muttered, then drew a deep breath.

>Diamon: He scanned his drawing into the computer and loaded it onto his website for
all to see!

"EVERYONE HEAD FOR THE EXITS!"

>All: (Cover their ears) OUCH!!!!!
>Veemon: (Rubbing his ears) Damn… he's loud…
>Diamon: Almost as loud as when Squall's sister listens to P-Diddy.

the little dragon bellowed at the top of his lungs, dodging a bolt as he spoke.

>Wormmon: The screen wants to shut him up, too.

A few of the humans stared at him in total shock.

>Wormmon: Then they clawed their own eyes out, just like I said they would.

Others grabbed their kids or siblings and started shoving their way to the back and front
of the large room,

>Wormmon: "The front of the room"? Why would they want to go closer to the screen
shooting deadly lightning bolts?
>Diamon: Maybe they're sacrificing children and virgins to appease the movie theater
screen god.
>Wormmon: Someone should sacrifice Foximon and Cunomon to it.
>Diamon: I said appease it, not anger it!

climbing over chairs and sometimes other people.

>Veemon: This story has degenerated into a massive orgy…

Soon others caught on, and then all the humans were struggling to make their way out.

>Veemon: (Moviegoer) Quick, everyone! "Inside" Foximon! It's safe in there!
>Diamon: Not to mention warm and sticky.

Cunomon jumped back down beside Foximon.

>Diamon and Veemon: (Open their mouths, ready to speak)
>Wormmon: ENOUGH WITH THE "inside" JOKE!!!!!!!
>Diamon and Veemon: (Close their mouths)

She gave him an amazed look.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Yay!! You didn't land "inside" of me!
>Wormmon: ("Sticky Threads" Diamon's mouth)
>Diamon: (Mutters muffled profanity)

"You have good lungs," she finally said.

>Veemon: (Cunomon) It comes from doing brownies instead of smoking.

"All the better to serenade you with, my dear,"

>Wormmon: What? Is he the big-bad Garurumon, now?
>Diamon: Hey! Serenades are my job!!

the Digimon joked, wincing as another bolt struck exceptionally close to the two of
them.

>Wormmon: Killing them both… the end.

In the face of danger, with adrenaline flowing and lightning flaring all around,

>Veemon: They pissed their pants!
>Diamon: They have pants? I thought Gargomon was the only Digimon who had pants.

he seemed to have lost his awkward, timid

>Diamon: "Timid"? Are we talking about the same Cunomon?

attitude. What timing.

>Diamon: And that's exactly when he ditched her and ran like Hell!

They had been speaking loudly,

>All: (Deadpan) So we've noticed… (Rub their ears).

almost yelling, to be heard over the crackling sounds of the bolts reaching out and
striking the chairs, aisle and walls.

>Veemon: The movie theater screen god has poor aim. They're standing right in front of
him and he still hasn't hit them.

Foximon took a deep breath and started to ask, "What do we do now?"

>Wormmon: What do they mean? Sounds like she got to ask the whole question.
>Diamon: Nope! The whole question would have been, "What do we do now… that
everyone's been 'inside' of me?"
>Wormmon: Ugh! Sorry I asked…

But at that moment all noise in the room ceased,

>Diamon: (Hopeful) Including their complaining?

and she found herself shouting into the silence.

>Diamon: (Sorrowful) Guess not…
>Veemon: (Foximon) HEY, SILENCE!!! SAY SOMETHING Y' DOLT!!!!!

Immediately she cut herself off,

>Wormmon: And died from blood loss…

blushing a little as Cunomon's ears flattened back. "Sorry," she added more softly.

>Diamon: And by that they mean shrieking at only ? the top of her lungs.

There was a long pause as the two little Rookies stared at each other uncertainly.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Think we should, I don't know, do something?
>Veemon: (Cunomon) Nah! Let's just stare needlessly at each other for no apparent
reason.

Crouched behind the row of chairs, neither one made a move to look over the seats and
see what had happened.

>Wormmon: So instead they looked under the rows of seats to see what happened.
>Veemon: (Cunomon) Wow! After everyone left we have plenty of stale old popcorn to
eat!
>Diamon: (Foximon) Candy bars, popcorn, soda, M&Ms, Raisinets™, hotdogs,
Myotismon, more candy bars… nope! Nothing unusual!

Until, that is, a deep, booming laugh filled the room.

>Diamon: It's Piedmon!
>Wormmon: He'll laugh at anything…

It was not a nice laugh.

>Diamon: It stole their lunch money and beat them up after school.

As the mocking sound echoed,

>Veemon: (Cunomon) Are you laughing at me!!!
>Wormmon: (Mysterious laughter) Yeah. Whatcha gonna do about it?
>Veemon: (Cunomon) …Nothing…

Foximon and Cunomon continued to look at each other.

>Wormmon: They refused to end their staring contest no matter what happened!

As one

>Diamon: They DNA digivolved? When did that happen?

they nodded, counted to three, then poked

>Wormmon: Each other's eyes out…

their heads up.

>Veemon: HEADS UP!!! (Ducks his head down)
>Wormmon and Diamon: ???

The electricity had stopped. The bulging, wavering effect of the screen had also ended.

>Wormmon: But the epilepsy continued.

The only thing on it was a massive black head with horns and a wild mane of bright
orange hair.

>Diamon: "Mane of orange hair"? It's Leomon's retarded cousin…

Ugly yellow eyes

>Veemon: That's cruel! Y' know, eyes have feelings too!

were unquestionably focused on the two Digimon in the theater.

>Diamon: 'Unquestionably' because THEY'RE THE ONLY ONE'S IN THE FRIGGIN'
THEATER!!!!!!!

A sneer lit his dark face.

>Diamon: He can turn the world on with his sneer.
>Veemon: (Singing) You're gonna make it after all!! (Throws a hat up into the air)
>Wormmon: Where'd he get that hat?

"Diaboromon," growled Foximon.

>Diamon: (Foximon) Uh… Grr?

The Mega Digimon laughed again,

>Veemon: He wasn't nearly this vocal in the actual movie.
>Wormmon: In the Japanese version he didn't speak at all.

and reached out with long black claws.

>Wormmon: Can you say, "manicure?"

To the shock of both Rookies, his giant hands

>Veemon: Y' know what they say about a 'mon with big hand. Wink-wink, nudge-
nudge, say no more!

reached right through the tall screen

>Veemon: NNNOOOOOOO!!! HE KILLED THE MOVIE THEATER SCREEN
GOD!!!
>Wormmon: Maybe he'll kill Cuno and Foxi next?
>Veemon: Oh! Well in that case screw the movie theater screen god. Go, Diaboromon!

and into the theater room! They were so surprised they didn't even move until the long
claws wrapped around them.

>Veemon: (Continues humming porno music).
>Diamon: I don't get it?
>Veemon: Oh, just forget it!

With useless struggles and cries, the two Digimon were yanked into the screen of a
totally innocent children's movie

>Diamon: Heh, yeah. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

about monsters that battled each other to protect a certain group of special kids.

>Diamon: The ones who take the short bus to school.

As the screen went blank and silence fell, a torn red bow tie fluttered to the carpeted
ground.

>Wormmon: Oh no! Cuno lost his bowtie! Now how is Foximon going to strangle him!?!
>Diamon: You're transfixed on that, aren't you?
>Wormmon: I simply want this story to end as soon as possible.

Then all was still.

>All: (Cheers, whistles and claps)
>Diamon: Man, I need a break!
>Veemon: Me two! You coming, Wormmon?
>Wormmon: Certainly! I sure don't want to hang around here!
>(They exit the theater).

(1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… *beep*)


Veemon and Wormmon took some time to explain the story's plot to their partners.
Because both Squall and Diamon had previously read this fic, there was no need to
explain the story to him so the little Digimon just took the time to explain some of the
goings-on in the theater.
"Interesting gags you've got going…" said Squall.
"All I can tell you is, 'watch yourself in there, buddy'," Diamon said.
"Whaddaya mean, Diamon?" the boy asked, perplexed.
"We mean that now it's your turn to go in there, dude," interjected Veemon.
"WHAT!?!" Davis shouted.
"You've got to be kidding…" Ken alleged.
"Nope! You're going in this time," Wormmon assured.
"Well, I'm not going!!" Davis yelled defiantly.
"Well, someone has to go into the theater or else we'll all get blasted by those high-
powered laser rifles," Diamon reasoned.
"And since you kids can't be reconfigured I suggest you get a move on it," Wormmon
said straightforwardly.
"Y' know, Diamon. You can't be reconfigured either," Squall whispered to his partner.
"It comes from the fact that you're not a natural Digimon."
"I know that and you know that but no one else knows that so could you just keep it on
the down-low and just get in the theater," Diamon harshly whispered back.
"Fine! We'll go back in!" Ken relented.
"Diamon. Before we go back in can I ask you something?" the baseball cap and goggle
wearing boy questioned.
"Sure! Shoot!" Diamon offered.
"You and the others didn't say anything insulting about our friends, did you?"
"Uh! No… why?" the Digimon lied.
"No reason. Just wondering is all," the boy smiled. As he finished that sentence, lights
and buzzers sounded all throughout the satellite. "No time to wonder about that now! We
got fanfic SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNNN!!!!!!!..."
The three boys left the Digimon behind as they raced into the theater.

(7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… *beep*)
(Everyone entered and took their seats. You know the drill. Ken on the left, Squall in the
middle, and Davis on the right.)

>Ken: You guys better not start that "inside" joke, again.
>Davis: SSSSSHH!! It's starting…

* * *

>Ken: Personally, I would take more than just three little pock-shots at this thing.

Riiing!!! Riiiiing!!!

>Squall: Don't answer that! It's bill collector!

"Lexx,

>Squall: (Sci-fi Channel) I am the Lexx. I am the most powerful weapon of mass
destruction in the two universes. My captain is Stanley Tweetle.

hon,

>Squall: Solo…

could you get that please?" yelled Lexx's mother as the phone rang. Lexx yelled out an
okay

>Davis: But for some reason it sounded like "F#%& you!!"

as she skipped

>Squall: Tripped-
>Davis: Fell-
>Ken: Died…

over to a small table just outside the kitchen where the woman was fixing dinner.

>Davis: (Slams his fist on the chair) Bring me my damn dinner, woman!!
>Squall: Feminists are gonna kill you, dude.
>Ken: And they're not going to get the Digimon for all those blond jokes?
>Squall: …Good point…

She picked up the phone and let out a friendly hello.

>Davis: It also sounded strangely like "F#%& you!!"

"Hello, is Lexx home?"

>Squall: (Lexx with blond hair) Wait! Let me check. Oh wait! That's me! Tee-Hee!

"This is Lexx. . . .

>Davis: When did Lexx dot-dot-dot-dot come into the story?

Jenn is something wrong? You don't sound too good."

>Squall: (Lexx) You sound like a man…

"Is Foximon over at your place?" said Jennifer, practically out of breath.

>Davis: Then the idiot remembered to breathe.
>Ken: Damn…

A look of realization crossed Lexx's face

>Davis: Is that the same thing as a black cat crossing your path.
>Squall: Yeah, except that it gives you blond luck.

as she carried the phone with her into the living room.

>Squall: Lexx and the phone are gonna watch Friends together.

She peered out a nearby window overlooking the street that passed by her apartment.

>Squall: (Lexx) Drug dealers, crack heads, hookers, pimps, Myotismon, more pimps…
nope! Nothing usual!
>Davis: How can she tell Myotismon from the pimps?
>Squall: beats me…

"Come to think of it, Cunomon hasn't come home either."

>Davis: (Lexx) THANK GOD!!!!!!

There was a short moment of silence.

>All: …

"I really should give that dragon a curfew,"

>Squall: (Lexx) Or maybe I'll just chain him to my leg.
>Ken: Between his partner and the voices in his head the dragon doesn't get a moment of
privacy, does he?

Lexx said jokingly.
Jenn let out another worried sigh.

>Squall: But the sigh was too worried so it stayed inside.
>Ken: As long as it didn't stay "inside."

"Do you think that they could still be at the theater?

>Ken: Do you think we should care?

Maybe they decided to stay for the next showing."

>Squall: Actually, they decided to see Lord of the Rings instead.

Lexx glanced at the clock, then shook her head.

>Squall: She couldn't understand why it said "NRA4EVER".
>Davis: Hmm, me and Lexx have the same clock!

"I don't think so. Cuno's not patient enough to sit through the same thing twice!"

>Squall: Does Cuno have ADD or something?

Jennifer giggled slightly. "Good point."

>Ken: (Jennifer) Very sharp. Good for impaling people.

Lexx turned around,

>Ken: Got dizzy, collapsed and died… the end.

remembering that her mother was still in the other room.

>Davis: (Childish Lexx) Mommy! Can I go out and play with Jenny?
>Squall: (Lexx's mom) Not until you finish your homework!

Though her mother knew about Cunomon,

>Ken: She had failed to kill him yet.

one of the house rules was that he couldn't go outside alone.

>Squall: He really doesn't get any privacy.

He had to go with Lexx and pretend to be her pet.

>Ken: I'd like to see her explain that to people.
>Squall: (Lexx) Hi! Meet Cuno, my, uh… Komodo dragon!

She had promised her Digimon she wouldn't tell that he was going to the movies with
another Digimon.

>Davis: Sat him down, gave him the 'talk', handed him some condoms and sent him on
his way.

"Hey Jenn, I have to let you go.

>Squall: (Lexx) You just didn't meet the expectations this company desires.

Tell you what. Meet me at the movie theater in half an hour. Okay?"

>Squall: (Lexx) We'll go see Star Wars!
>Davis: Ugh! I think I'd rather read fanfics than sit through that again!

"Okay," she responded in agreement. "See ya there." With that, they both hung up.

>Ken: Jennifer then threw her phone out of the window and spent the rest of her life
desperately avoiding Lexx… the end.

* * *

>Squall: Lexx looks up and sees Orion's belt.

Foximon slowly opened her eyes.

>Ken: Saw Cunomon and quickly closed them again.

What a strange dream,

>Davis: She dreamt she was in a better fanfic.

she thought as she slowly started to come to.

>Davis: I prefer to 'cum' to.
>Squall: (Sweat drop) Yeeeeeaah!

She began to notice her surroundings and, in a snap, realized

>Ken: Her neck was broken…

that this was indeed a very real place.

>Squall: Except for the fact that it was made out of cardboard.
>Davis: But it was real cardboard.

She gasped in horror,

>Ken: She opened her eyes and saw Cuno again.

remembering what had happened in the movie theater.

>Squall: How all the people had been "inside" of her.
>Ken: (Smacks Squall in the back of the head) I told you not to continue that joke!
>Squall: Ow!

This led to another horrifying question.

>Squall: (Foximon) Why the Hell is Michael Jackson releasing another
album!?!?!?!?!?!?!

"Cunomon? Oh my gosh!"

>Ken: How very "politically correct" of you.

The little fox Digimon continued to call out her friend's name.

>Squall: (Foximon) Ross! Chandler! Joey! Monica! Phoebe! Rachel!
>Ken: Huh?
>Squall: Friends, duh!
>Davis: Someone needs to get you outta second gear.

There was no sign of the little blue dragon anywhere.

>Ken: Except for that large pile of blue feces.
>Squall: I thought Digimon $#%+ was pink and shaped like soft serve ice cream.
>Ken: …Whatever…

Her mind was flooded with questions.

>Squall: (Foximon) Where is Cunomon?
>Ken: (Foximon) And should I care?
>Davis: (Foximon) And just how many people have been "inside" of me?

So many terrifying questions that, unfortunately, could not be answered at that moment.

>Ken: Like why this sentence is written as a fragment.
>Squall: It actually kindda sounds like Foximon's having one of those dreams where
she's taking a test she didn't study for in her underwear.

"What is this place?" She looked out into an open street surrounded by buildings, traffic
lights,

>Davis: She's in the ghetto…

and a perfectly blue shaded sky.

>Squall: Or wonderland…

"Wait. . . ." Her train of thought

>Ken: Suddenly burst into flames…

was interrupted by yet another discovery.

>Davis: She discovered she had a train "inside" of her?
>Ken: The imagery in that sentence is quite unnecessary.

"I've seen this place before. But it couldn't be possible . . . could it?"

>Davis: This is the place where Jennifer took her to get spayed.
>Squall: Ouch!

At this point, Foximon would believe any explanation, whether it was logical or not.

>Davis: Well, Foximon, magical fairies came along and sprinkled pixy grass into some
brownies and after you ate them you were sent to ghetto world!
>Squall: And if you believe that I got a house on Spiral Mountain I can sell you.
>Ken: Foximon is quite gullible, isn't she?

Just then she heard a loud crashing sound coming from a nearby ally.

>All: ???
>Squall: One of her friends was close by and making strange noises?
>Davis: Maybe it's that blonde kid again…

She quickly jumped

>Squall: Five feet into the air!

to her feet and leaped over to see what the noise was. Maybe it was Cunomon!

>Ken: She knows it's one of her allies but doesn't know which? Strange…

She stopped in front of the ally and looked on hopefully.

>Ken: She's right in front of him and she still doesn't know who it is?
>Squall: Maybe she still has her eyes closed.
>Davis: Maybe she's just blind and dumb.

Sure enough there he was, clawing his way through a mudslide of trash bags, old
newspapers

>Squall: Alf™ merchandise…
>Davis: Porno mags…
>Ken: Discarded needles…
>Squall: Myotismon…
>Ken: More discarded needles…

and whatnot. Foximon rushed to his aid.

>Davis: Rushed to give him AIDS…

"Cunomon, how did this happen?"

>Squall: (Cunomon) I thought the trash was laughing at me!

"Hmm. That's a very good question. You tell me,"

>Ken: It's a little late to begin therapy, Cunomon.

he replied, brushing himself off.
"I only wish I knew,"

>Squall: A lot of this fic seems to be questioned being asked and not answered.

sighed the orange and cream-colored fox.

>Squall: If they don't stop describing her like that eventually someone's going to eat her.
>Davis: Or make her into juice and butter.
>Squall: And then if she smiles she'll melt herself.

"But . . . do you remember . . . the theater?"

>Davis: (Cunomon) The one with the sleazy music?
>Squall: (Foximon) How many time do I haveta explain it! I was young and needed the
money!!
>Davis: (Cunomon) It was a week ago…
>Squall: (Foximon) Oh yeah! Tee-Hee!!

He nodded. "And Diaboromon."

>Squall: (Foximon) You mean that blonde kid?
>Davis: (Cunomon) Blonds are evil!!

Her shoulders slumped with relief.

>Ken: And then they fell off.

"Well, at least I didn't dream it. But now I almost wish I did."

>Davis: Nope! This pathetic excuse for a story is all real!
>Squall: (Foximon deadpan) Whoopee…

She cocked her head over to the side. "But didn't you say, back in the theater, that it was
just a blank screen, with the picture projected onto it?"

>Squall: (Cunomon) No, I said the movie came from God, remember? (Points to the sky).

At his nod she asked, "Then how did Diaboromon reach right through and. . . ." She
made a pulling gesture.

>Davis: (Foximon) Y' know, jerk us off?
>Squall: Ugh! Davis…

"I have no idea."

>Ken: So what else is new?

The little dragon tipped his head and scratched his ear with a hind foot, looking like a
spiky blue dog.

>Davis: Especially after he started humping random people's legs.

"Man, I think I got a banana peel in my ear."

>Squall: I'd like to see his face when he finds out where the rest of the banana is.

Foximon giggled.

>Squall: Another big part of this fic is people laughing for no apparent reason.

"Well, you look fine to me.

>Davis: (Foximon) The trash really highlights your crappiness.

Except you lost your little bow tie."

>Squall: And that's when ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!!!!
>Davis: (Cunomon) WHAT THE @*#%^&$!!! ALL RIGHT YOU SICK
&@$#%^*#@#$%#!!!! GIVE ME MY &#$^#%@ BOWTIE BACK OR YOUR ASS IS
GONNA GET &$^%#$^#^&#^ AND &$^@#$^#$^& WITH &#$^%#^$%!!!!!!!!
>Ken: Fun…

"I did!? AHHH!"

>Squall: (Foximon) You scream like a girl! Tee-Hee!

Cunomon craned his head, trying to see his own neck.

>Ken: Broke it and died… the end.

Finally he gave up and sat down,

>Davis: On the rest of the banana.
>Squall: Hey! He found it!

dejected. "That was my best one, too."

>Ken: (Cunomon) It was the easiest to strangle people with…

Foximon grinned.

>Squall: (Foximon) Yeah, I know. Remember when I strangled you with it? Tee-Hee!

"Don't worry, Cuno. I'm sure you can get another one.

>Ken: (Foximon) Actually, this could be your chance to move up from strangling people
to just shooting them!

Besides, we may have to fight to get home,

>Squall and Davis: (The Beastie boys) You gotta fight! For your right! To goooooooo
hooooooooooommme!!

and you don't look very threatening wearing a bow tie."

>Squall: He'd look more threatening wearing a "kick me" sign.
>Davis: Hell, he'd look more threatening wearing a panda tattoo.

"Guess you're right," he agreed, getting up.

>Davis: Getting it up…

"Well, what now?"

>Squall: (Foximon) This is the time in fanfiction when we dance!!

"Now we find out where we are exactly, then find out how to get back."

>Ken: Homeward bound III: The pointless journey…

"And . . . any idea how we do that?"
She sighed. "Not a clue."

>Squall: I got the rope!
>Davis: I got the candlestick!
>Ken: I got the revolver! (Holds up a real gun)
>Squall: (Whispering turns to Davis) He shouldn't have the revolver…

The two Rookie Digimon sat there in the alley for some time, searching their minds for a
solution.

>Squall: Why don't they ask their mysterious ally for help? What happened to him
anyway?

To Cunomon this just didn't make sense.

>Ken: Few things do…

While sitting in a movie theater, the screen comes to life (impossible!).

>Squall: Hey! On brownies anything can happen!

An evil Mega Digimon grabs them and then . . .

>Davis: And then Lexx dot-dot-dot-dot comes into the story for no clear purpose.

they end up somewhere?

>Squall: (Singing, The wizard of Oz) Somewhere over the question mark!!

Could this be Digiworld?

>Davis: No, no! Digiworld looks like an acid trip, this place looks like a brownie trip.
There's a difference!
>Squall: Of course you would know…

It didn't look like Digiworld to Cuno, but there were still some places of the world he
hadn't explored yet.

>Squall: Like, I don't know, EVERYTHING BEYOND HIS FRONT PORCH!!!!!
>Ken: It's a little hard to go exploring when you're not allowed a moment alone.

So where-

>Ken: Does this hyphen go?

"Cuno?"
"Yeah?"

>Davis: (Foximon) F#%& off!!

"Do you think . . .

>Squall: (Foximon) Do you think you could shut up for three seconds!?!

no, never mind. It's stupid."

>Ken: How is it different from anything else she's said?

She shook her head,

>Ken: Breaking her neck…

her black-tipped ears flopping back and forth.

>Davis: Smacking the crap out of everyone in the near vicinity.

"No, what?" he urged.
"Well . . . do you think we're-"

>Ken: (Foximon) …ever going to stop overusing hyphens.

Her ears suddenly stood up straight.

>Squall: (Foximon) Foxi sense tingling! Danger!

"Shhh! Someone's coming!"

>Davis: (Foximon) Quick! Hide the stash!

Cunomon's own ears perked up. In a moment he could hear it too: harsh panting and the
slapping of sneakers on the sidewalk.

>Squall: The sidewalk sued the sneakers for abuse and won!

Someone was running their way!

>Squall: Actually it was just a pair of sneakers running around. One of those pairs they
hang on electric wires came to life and is hunting them down.

He followed Foximon as she leapt behind a garbage can,

>Squall: Oscar the grouch™ came out of it and screamed obscenities at them.

then the two of them peeked their heads around the side.

>Davis: A guy in a big trench coat walked up to them and that's when all the bad stuff
happened.

The footsteps got louder and louder. Cuno fidgeted impatiently. Get here already! he
thought.

>Ken: Will someone give this friggin' dragon some Ritalin already!!

And then, it did.

>Davis: The guy in the trench coat?
>Squall: Some stray dogs?
>Davis: A horrible monster?
>Ken: Cher?
>Davis: Same difference.
>Squall: Myotismon?
>Davis: He's everywhere, ain't he?

A human boy

>Davis: It's the blonde kid!
>Ken: He just won't leave them alone!

dashed by the alleyway, running down the sidewalk.

>Squall: (Starts humming a Vanessa Carlton song).

He didn't even glance their way.

>Ken: Smart! Just keep running, kid!
>Davis: Run! Save yourself!!

"Well, that was nothing to get excited about,"

>Davis: (Cunomon) The banana was something to get excited about…
>Ken: I did not need to hear that…

commented the little dragon, coming out from behind the trashcan. "Now, what were you
saying, Foxi?"

>Davis: (Foximon) I was asking for another brownie.

But Foximon wasn't listening.

>Squall and Davis: (Covering their ears) La-la-la! I am not listening!

She was staring out at the street, her brown eyes

>Squall: As long as they're not "brownie eyes."

narrowed in intense concentration.

>Squall: (blond Foximon) Uh, what was I doing, again?

"Er . . . Foxi?"

>Davis: (Cunomon) Wanna watch E.R.?

She blinked.

>Ken: Yes, blinking. An involuntary but natural bodily function designed to keep the
eyes moist.
>Squall: (Foximon as Ben Stein) Clear eyes™… wow…

"Cuno, describe that human for me."

>Squall: (Foximon) I'm blinking so I can't see him right now.

"Huh?"

>Davis: (Slack jawed Cunomon) Duh…?

"Just do it."

>Squall: Is Foximon filming a Nike ad?

The Digimon's forehead scrunched up.

>Ken: And crushed his brain…

"Uh . . . let me think.

>Davis: Uh-oh! He's gonna blow!

He had an orange shirt . . . and red hair, I think.

>Squall: It's Carrottop!

And something on his back. . . ."

>Ken: (Cunomon) Oh right! A tumor!

He trailed off and his yellow eyes widened.

>Squall: Those brownies just keep coming and going, don't they?

"Izzy!" the both exclaimed together.

>Squall: (Foximon) No, wait! It's just that guy Takato bumped into on the street who
kindda looked like Izzy.
>Ken and Davis: Huh?
>Squall: Watch the first episode of Tamers and see what I mean!

Foximon sprang toward the street.

>Ken: And got hit by a car…

"Follow that Digi-Destined!"

>Davis: And his unnecessary hyphen, too!

she cried. Cunomon was right on her heels.

>Squall: Their ally gave her a new pair of shoes.

* * *

>Ken: Snipers have their sights on Foxi, Cuno and Izzy.

Jennifer paced impatiently in front of the movie theater.

>Squall: Would it be a boy or a girl!?

"Come on Lexx, where are you?" she muttered under her breath.

>Davis: She said a few other things, too but for the sake of the kiddies I won't repeat it.

Jenn looked at her watch. 10:00 PM, almost closing time.

>Squall: (Jennifer) I gotta get to the bar before last call!

Just then, a familiar black-haired girl in a purple vest was spotted in the distance.

>Davis: Cher?
>Squall: It said "familiar" not "horrifying."

"Lexx, over here!" Jennifer called out to her friend, waving her arms wildly in the air.

>Ken: God! She's almost as hyper as Cuno!
>Squall: And yet she tires so easily.

Lexx waved back in response.

>Davis: For some reason she only held up one finger.
>Squall: And I think we all know which one it was…

"Sorry I'm late," Lexx apologized.

>Squall: (Lexx) I caught a ride from Davis.

She was totally out of breath.

>Ken: Her lungs exploded…

Jennifer nodded.

>Squall: That's another thing about this fic. People nodding at things that don't warrant
confirmation.

"Don't worry 'bout it." She noticed that Lexx had her portable laptop strapped to her
back,

>Ken: (Bitter sarcasm) Just what we need... a female Izzy…

but didn't ask.

>Davis: She decided to get the hentai Lexx downloaded, later.

They didn't have the time! They had fifteen minutes to get in, find their Digimon, and
get home without breaking their curfews.

>Squall: Sounds like one of those Mission Impossible scenarios from Whose line is it
anyway?

Together they rushed inside the theater doors.

>Squall: They've got fanfic SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNNN!!!...

Luckily, the guy who took the tickets had already gone home.

>Squall: Actually, he was still in the bathroom.
>Davis: He had to take a massive power dump!

The two girls snuck into the lobby unnoticed.

>All: (Singing) Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go to the
lobby!!! And get ourselves some snacks!

They managed to find their way into the theater room,

>Davis: They followed the blue and orange skid marks on the floor.

where they would hope to find their Digimon.

>Ken: Dead…

But what they found was an empty room with shredded popcorn bags and candy
wrappers scattered every which way.

>Squall: And somewhere in the world, a lone janitor cries a single tear…

The carpet looked like someone had lit a match on it.

>Davis: Cuno thought the carpet was made out of the same stuff he put into the brownies.

The entire top half of the seats were singed black,

>Squall: (The Rolling Stones) I see a theater seat and I want it singed blaaaaaaack!!
>Ken: (The Rolling Stones) Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to read this fic!
>Davis: (The Rolling Stones) 'Cause I'm telling you this story's a great big pile of sh*t!

obviously from bolts of electricity hitting them.

>Ken: (Sarcastically) Because bolts of electricity shooting around inside a theater are a
common occurrence these days…

"Martha Stewart, eat your heart out," Jennifer stated,

>Squall: (Jennifer) Or I'll have my Digimon melt it.

of course being her ever sarcastic self.

>Ken: Of course either forgetting to or incorrectly using hyphens.

"I can see why you and Matt

>Squall: Hey guys! Y' think Matt's still lying in front of her door?

get along so well," Lexx teased.

>Ken: Blonds of a feather flock together.

But just as the thought had left her mind, she felt something stick to the bottom of her
shoe.

>Squall: If it's pink and shaped like soft serve ice cream I'm outta here!

"Eeeww. Anybody got a gum wrapper?"

>Davis: (Singing) When I wake up in the morning and I smell your breath. Whoo-haw!
Whoo-haw! You need a WinterFresh™!!

"Wait, that's not gum!

>Davis: (Jennifer) It's a big pile of dog $#%+!!!

Lift up your shoe."

>Squall: Bad pickup line number 113.
>Davis: Or maybe Lexx just had to piss.

Jennifer and Lexx discovered a torn, red bow tie hanging off the sole of Lexx's boot.

>Squall: It just clings to her shoe without any kind of adhesive? What the Hell is that
thing made of??

"Yep, that's Cuno's alright." Lexx replied,

>Ken: (Lexx) See how easy it is to strangle you with it.

peeling the piece of red cloth off the bottom of her boot

>Squall: If the bowtie had clung to Cuno that good he would never have lost it.
>Ken: But would you want to be around Cuno for that long?
>Squall: Good point…

and observing it.

>Davis: New bowtie! With 35% more clinginess!

"But where's Foxi and Cuno?"

>Squall: Didn't you hear our song? They went to get themselves some snacks.

Jennifer shrugged.

>Ken: And her arms fell off.

Her eyes slowly found their way to the huge movie screen

>Davis: Guess there in an Imax theater.
>Squall: Actually, they just project the movies on ShogunGeckomon's back.

. . .

>Davis: Guys… I feel so insignificant.

and then it hit her like a ton of bricks.

>Ken: An actual ton of bricks.

She gasped at the thought.

>Ken: Yes, Jenn. We are as surprised as you that you actually have the brainpower for
thought.
>Squall: I'm more surprised that Davis has the brainpower for thought.

"But . . . that's impossible!"

>Squall: I said it before and I'll say it again… on brownies anything's possible!

Lexx suddenly knew exactly what Jenn was thinking.

>Squall: Because she's telepathic, too!

"Oh, and getting sucked into a vortex and landing in the digital world, isn't?"

>Ken: Actually, that's a lot easier to swallow then this crap.

she pointed out. It was a very good point.

>Ken: It was perfect for stabbing people.

Jennifer raised an eyebrow.

>Davis: It was just lying on the floor so she picked it up.

"Well, now what?"

>Davis: Maybe we would know if you told us WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT!!!!!!!
>Squall: Not everyone's telepathic like Lexx and Cuno are, y' know!

"Wait!" exclaimed Lexx. "I have an idea!"

>Ken: If she has one in her head it must be pretty lonely.

She got out her laptop and set it on the ground. She sat down with it and began typing.

>Davis: Lookout!! She's writing more bad fanfiction!!

"What are doing?" Jenn asked,

>Squall: In caveman speak.
>Davis: (Jennifer) Me no like…

kneeling down

>Davis: In front of Matt.
>Squall: I guess the rest of this scene will be censored.

beside her friend.

>Squall: Well, "inside of beside her."

Lexx replied to Jenn as she continued typing, eyes never leaving the monitor.

>Davis: Even when she went to the bathroom they didn't leave.
>Squall: When Lexx or Cuno stare at something their eyes never leave it.

"I brought my old laptop along just in case. Maybe there's some way we can
communicate with them!" Lexx continued typing.

>Squall: (Lexx) We can just Ask Jeeves™ to find them. He can find anything!
>Davis: (Cough)Shameless plug!(Cough)

"And I can see why you and Izzy are so compatible,"

>Davis: They both enjoy Internet porn?
>Ken: They do?
>Squall: Why else do you think Izzy's on the computer so much?

Jennifer commented with yet another sarcastic response. Lexx just ignored her and kept
typing.

>Ken: She was typing out her plot for revenge.

"Come on, Cuno! If you're there, please answer?" Lexx muttered to the computer screen.

>Squall: (Lexx as princess Leia) Help me Cuno-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

She didn't really know just what she doing,

>Ken: So what else is new?

but she didn't care. She had to find her Digimon! Jennifer just watched in worry.

>Squall: She got especially worried when instead of looking for their Digimon Lexx just
started checking her e-mail and looking up hentai.

* * *

>Squall: (Stoned) And so the stars all turn into birds which all fly overhead and turn into
a giant hand and the hand picks me up and pats me on the head and then I know
everything's gonna be alllllllllllllllll right...
>Davis: Brought to you by the American Council on Psychedelics...whoa man, the
colors!

Meanwhile, the little blue dragon and his lady friend found themselves

>Davis: A room.
>Squall: The story has degenerated into a make out fest.

in front of a huge apartment building.

>Squall: It was rent controlled so they couldn't get in.

Obviously the same apartment building where their good friend and leader of the Digi-
Destined, Taichi Kamiya, lived.

>Ken: He lived in a sentence fragment?
>Squall: Or in a needless hyphen.

Things were starting to come together like the pieces of a very large jigsaw puzzle.

>Squall: (MetalSeadramon) Foximon and Cunomon are simpler than a two-piece jigsaw
puzzle!
>Ken: And twice as retarded.

Cuno pointed to the fire escape.

>Squall: (Cunomon) I spy with my little eye something that begins with "F".
>Davis: (Foximon) Umm, F#%& you!
>Squall: (Cunomon) Close…

"There's our ride." He suavely gestured a paw. "Ladies first."

>Ken: (Cunomon) But since there aren't any here I guess you can go first.

"Oh gee, thanks," Foximon said lightly, slapping Cuno in the face with her tail.

>Davis: (Cunomon) Ouch! Did you at least get the fly?
>Squall: (Foximon) What fly?

She was never too fond of heights.

>Ken: Especially after the time she went bungee jumping and forgot her rope.
>Squall: Well, it's like they say. It's not the fall; it's the sudden stop.

She trotted up the stairs as Cunomon trailed slowly behind her.

>Squall: Another thing. Cunomon is always following Foximon somewhere.
>Davis: He'd probably follow her offa friggin' cliff!

He was obviously just as timid about climbing that thing as Foxi.

>Squall: He was pissing himself like crazy.

And this is the same 'mon who complains about not being able to fly, Foxi thought to
herself, silently snickering.

>Ken: What're you laughing at? You can't fly, either.
>Davis: And you're also pissing yourself like crazy.

They finally managed to reach their destination. They peered through the window.

>Ken: They saw Tai naked and rightly clawed their eyes out.

Let's see now . . .

>Squall: (Foximon) Beds, TV, dressers, bookshelves, Myotismon, more beds… nope!
Nothing unusual.

the floor was flooded in what seemed like an endless ocean of scattered laundry,

>Squall: God made it rain laundry for forty days and forty nights.
>Davis: Noah! Build-ith thyself a dryer and take-ith two of every sock!

crushed soda cans, and various magazines.

>Ken: Nintendo Power…
>Davis: Play Boy…
>Squall: And, oddly enough, Vanity Fare…

Yup, this was most definitely the bedroom of Tai Kamiya!

>Squall: At least that's what the gigantic and difficult to miss plaque on the wall said.
>Davis: They keep switching back and fourth from Taichi and plain old Tai! Make up
you're friggin' minds!

Well, what else was left to do but get a closer look?

>Squall: Find a way home?
>Davis: Get a beer?
>Ken: End this story?

Foximon looked over to her partner in crime and grinned.

>Davis: (Foximon) This place is full of crap! Let's rob someone else.

"Let me guess, ladies first?" Cunomon only smirked.

>Squall: (Cunomon) Why, thank you, Foximon. How gentlemanly of you.
>Davis: Huh?

The little orange fox

>Squall: Oh! Now she's just orange.
>Davis: In retaliation for pawning his eyes Cunomon ate the cream.

managed to squeeze through the narrowly opened window.

>Davis: Perhaps foreshadowing some other pushing and squeezing later on. Heh-heh!

Cuno followed Foxi with a thud.

>Ken: And exploded on impact.

"Oh, that was graceful," she joked.

>Squall: And Cuno nails the dismount!

"Yeah, well, I can't help it if I'm so strong and powerful that I have trouble being
graceful," sniffed the little dragon, nose in the air.

>Squall: (Cunomon) (Sniff, sniff) Foximon, did you fart?

Foxi giggled.

>Davis: Maybe that's why everyone keeps laughing for no apparent reason. They've all
got gas!

"Oh, I see."
"You do?" He blinked.

>Ken: For the 900th time…
>Squall: Maybe they all have eye problems.

At her nod he grinned widely. "Finally, someone who understands!"

>Ken: Good. Now could she explain it to us?
>Davis: Yeah. They lost me at the title.

"Shhh! Tai and Kari's parents might be home!" she hissed, padding quietly to the door.

>All: ???
>Squall: So, she used Styrofoam to find the door?

Cunomon blinked again.

>Davis: Maybe the movie really did give them epilepsy?
>Squall: Maybe Cuno really does have a nervous eye twitch?
>Ken: Maybe someone should just gouge their eyes out and put an end to all this
blinking?

What happened to understanding? With a quiet sigh of resignation

>Squall: He quit his job.

he followed her.

>Ken: Off of a cliff…

"You know, this would be so much easier if the rest of the Digi-Destined were as
sensible as Lexx and just told their parents about us."

>Squall: Yes, 'cause freaking your parents out is not only sensible but also fun!

About to poke her head out the slightly opened door,

>Ken: Cunomon slammed the door and broke her neck…

Foximon stopped to turn and give him an odd look.

>Davis: (Cunomon) Thanks, Foximon! This is the best darn look anyone's ever given
me!

"Cuno, are you insane? There's no way adults would understand!"

>Squall: (Will Smith) Man! Parents just don't understand!

"Mom does," he insisted stubbornly.

>Ken: Funny? I thought Digimon didn't have parents or children.
>Squall: Cunomon was born from the virgin dragon to die for our sins.
>Davis: And all this time I thought it was Wizardmon who died for our sins.

It was the fox Digimon's turn to blink. And then blink again.

>Ken: And then again!
>Squall: And then again!!
>Davis: AND THEN AGAIN!!!
>Squall: Hell, half the fic is them blinking.

And then burst out laughing.

>Ken: We're only about halfway through the story and Foximon has already gone insane.

Unable to control herself, she fell over and clutched her sides, rolling on the floor.

>Squall: She's having a seizure!
>Davis: She's gonna blow!!

Cuno's eyes widened and he shifted his weight uneasily.

>Davis: A side effect of brownies is dilating pupils and weight gain.

Why was she laughing? Was she laughing at him?

>Davis: Uh-oh!
>Squall: Better kill her and hide the body with all the rest.

Tears leaked from Foximon's eyes,

>Ken: She couldn't take this fic anymore and just broke down, crying.

she was laughing so hard.

>Davis: God! She's about to piss herself laughing and it wasn't even really that funny.
>Squall: Kindda like our last few comments.

Finally, gasping for breath, she managed to sit up and wheeze,

>Ken: This better be good…

"You call . . . Lexx's mother . . . Mom?"

>All: (Deadpan) Whoopee…
>Davis: The authors' attempt at comic relief?
>Ken: They failed miserably…

Cunomon bristled.

>Squall: He digivolved into a toothbrush.

She was laughing at him!

>Davis: (Sarcastically) Gee, you figure that one out all by yourself?

"Yeah? So what?"

>Davis: (Foximon) Chicken butt!!

She immediately realized her mistake.

>Squall: Eating the stale popcorn?
>Davis: Eating the brownies?
>Ken: Appearing in this fanfic?

Trying in vain to control her giggles, she soothed, "Sorry, Cuno. I really don't mean to
laugh . . . it's just. . . ."

>Davis: (Foximon) These dots are friggin' everywhere and they're so damn funny!

She broke off

>Ken: Right in half!

into snickers again.

>Squall: Giddiness. Another side affect of hunger.
>Davis: So eat Snickers™.

"Sorry, sorry."
"Huh."

>All: Huh?

Cunomon glared. And he didn't say anything else.

>Davis: Except for "*%&#*&#@^*^%@#%^@$@*%^#@*$^$^*#^$^#@!!!!!!!!"

Foximon's mirth evaporated under his angry stare.

>Ken: She can melt butter with a smile and he can evaporate happiness with anger.
>Squall: They're like a weird Wonder Twins™.

"Cunomon, really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

>Squall: …To stab you with this hyphen.

She cut herself off,

>Ken: And died from blood loss… again!

ears standing up as a faint voice floated toward them from outside the room.

>Squall: How come when Foximon's around y' keep hearing disembodied voices wafting
in the air.
>Davis: (Foximon/The Sixth Sense) I hear dead people…

"Tai? Could you please go shut off whatever toy is making so much noise in your room?
I think Kari left a video game

>Davis: Actually, it's her viberator!
>Squall: Dude, she's eight!
>Davis: Whoops! I forgot…

on before she left for her birthday party."

>Ken: It was her friend's party, not hers, dimwit! You could at least try to get the story
correct.
>Squall: Friends? Which one? Ross, Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe or Rachel?
>Ken: Ugh!

"Mom, we're kinda busy here!"

>Davis: We're watching a fox and a dragon frantically hump each other.

That was Tai, all right. And despite his statement, the sound of footsteps soon neared the
bedroom door.

>Squall: It's those possessed sneakers again!
>All: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST
COMPELS YOU!!!

"Eek!"

>Squall: …The cat!
>Davis: I love that show!

yelped the fox Digimon, scrambling backward. "Quick, Cuno, under the bed!"

>Squall: And that's when they stumbled upon Tai's stash!
>Davis: (Cunomon) Cool! We can make more brownies!

"What? Why?"

>Davis: Who? Where? When… did Cuno become a journalist?

"Just do it!"

>Ken: There goes that Nike ad again…
>Squall: Maybe those were the shoes her ally gave her. And what happened to him
anyway, I thought that was an important plot point?

She dashed under herself,

>All: ???
>Ken: How is it possible for one to run under themselves?
>Squall: It's one of the mysteries unclear writing.

and the dragon Digimon shrugged and followed.

>Davis: Cuno needs to take some assertiveness classes. Then maybe he could lead her
somewhere.
>Ken: Cuno couldn't lead the school marching band.

"So, what? Now we're hiding from the Digi-Destined too?"

>Davis: When hide and seek gets out of hand!

It was dark under the bed. All he could see was a pair of big brown eyes gazing at him,
light shining off them in a dull gleam.

>Squall: Sounds like they're reenacting an old Scooby Doo gag.
>Davis: Damn! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling
brownies… I mean, kids!

The dark pupils rolled.

>Squall: (Singing) Rolling, rolling, rolling! Got to keep those pupils rolling! Got to keep
on going, rolling!!

"Don't you get it, Cuno?

>Davis: (Cunomon) Duh…?
>Squall: (Foximon) Don't answer that!

This is the movie! We're in the movie!

>Squall: (Foximon) Which means we're in the running for an Oscar™!

I don't know how, but it's the only thing that makes sense.

>Squall: Not to us!
>Ken: Hell, what Davis said about the fairies made more sense!

And that means those aren't the real Digi-Destined!

>Squall: Imitation Digidestined! Now with 20% more hyphens!

We-shhh!"

>Ken: And the Oscar™ for over use of hyphens goes to…!

The door to the bedroom opened, and they watched a pair of white socks walk across the
floor.

>Ken: Just the socks?
>Squall: A pair of socks came to life and joined forces with the sneaker!

"Tai, some virus Digimon is eating Internet data and you're running around shutting off
video games!?"

>Davis: (Izzy) Leave them on! I called next; remember?

The voice belonged to Izzy,

>Ken: Yet for some reason it was in Cunomon's head.

as did the pair of black socks that followed.

>Squall: So Izzy is the source of the evil possessed socks and sneakers!

"This is serious!"

>Squall: (Izzy) Tai! Put the grease paint and fright wig down and listen to me!
>Davis: That's no fright wig. That's his actual hair.

"So was my mother," Tai's voice returned.

>Squall: Now the voices in Cunomon's head are talking to each other.
>Ken: And they sound like the Digidestined.
>Davis: Maybe "Digi-Destined" means voices in Cuno's head that sound suspiciously
like Tai and company.

"Except . . . the TV's off."

>Squall: (Tai) It is giving me evil messages, though.

"Maybe your mother was hearing things."

>Ken: I wouldn't be surprised. This is Tai's mom we're talking about.
>Squall: If you think Tai's mom is crazy you should meet mine.

"My mother doesn't hear things!"

>Davis: (Tai) …Cunomon and Foximon here things!
>Ken: Odd thing to say considering that this conversation is going on in Cunomon's, for
lack of a better word, mind.
>Squall: You know you're screwed when the voices in your head start arguing!

Cuno rolled his eyes. If they weren't the real Izzy and Tai, they were certainly close
enough.

>Squall: (Bugs Bunny) An unreasonable facsimile!

He shifted restlessly, stirring up the dust that had collected under the bed. Suddenly he
sniffed sharply. Uh oh.

>Davis: (Cunomon) Foximon! You did fart!!

"Don't you dare,"

>Squall: (Foximon) …Blame this one on me!

breathed Foximon.

>Ken: Personally, I've never been able to "breathe" those words.
>Squall: She exhaled and the dust formed the shape of the words.

Too late.

>Ken: To save the plot? Yes.

"AH CHOO!"

>All: (Suddenly drenched)
>Squall: Ugh! Say it; don't spray it!

Silence.

>All: (Cheers, claps and whistles)

Then, "What was that?" from Tai.

>Squall: Tai gave them something but they don't know hat it is?
>Ken: It's most likely marijuana or a lock of his hair.

"Your cat?"

>Squall: Hey! Remember when Kari said their apartment doesn't allow pets, even though
they had a cat.
>Davis: Maybe they hide it from their landlord.
>Ken: I'd hate to be that cat on rent day.
>Davis: (Tai's mon) It's the landlord! Quick! Hide Miko!
>Squall: (Miko) Oh $#&+!!!!

"My cat doesn't play video games!"

>Squall: Oddly enough, mine does.

"It came from beneath your bed."

>Squall: His secret stash came to life and has the flu.

"I know where it came from!"

>Davis: (Tai) It came from my ass!

Cunomon wasn't going to take this any more.

>Squall: (Cunomon) I'm mad as Hell and he's not going to take it anymore.

It was dusty under the bed. And cramped. And dark. "And these two argue more than
Lexx and me!"

>Squall: Ugh! The whining… too much whining…
>Davis: It's worst than Mimi!
>Ken: Someone please shoot me…

he finished his thoughts out loud as he crawled out. "Ahhh! Don't kill me!" he cried two
seconds later.

>All: Yes! Kill him! Finish him! Finish him!

Foximon hit herself in the forehead with a paw.

>Ken: Realizing that that would not work she picked up a hammer and hit herself with it.
>Squall: She was always a bit of a masochist.

Tai's voice, sounding angry.

>All: Huh?
>Ken: He sounds angry even though he hasn't said anything yet? Strange?

"You've got thirty seconds to tell me what you were doing under my bed before I cream
you with this soccer ball,

>Squall: GOAL!!!!!!!!!

whatever you are!"

>Davis: (Cunomon) I was just looking for brownie ingredients!!

"We're Digimon!" Cunomon defended himself hotly.

>Squall: (Cunomon) Y' know? "Digimon: Digital Monsters! Digimon are the
champions!"

"

>Squall: (Reporter) Can we quote you on that?

'We'?"

>Ken: Yes, We: plural form of "I" or "me". Used in reference to multiple persons.
>Squall: Maybe Tai just started speaking French.

"Oops."
Foximon rolled her eyes.

>Ken: And they fell out…

So much for hiding.

>Ken: (Foximon) …These sentence fragments.

With resignation she crawled out from under the bed and dusted herself off with her tail.
At least Cuno didn't have fur!

>Squall: Which meant that he couldn't actually be classified as "blond".
>Davis: But that won't stop us from joking about it!

Tai Kamiya and Izzy Izumi were poised on the other side of the room, Tai holding a
soccer ball in a threatening pose.

>Davis: Oh please! A soccer ball isn't threatening unless you're a goalie or something.
And also (gets hit in the head with a soccer ball)
>Ken: Thank you, random soccer ball.

Their jaws were pretty much on the floor.

>All: ???
>Squall: Well guys, I guess we can wave bye-bye to any from of realism.
>Ken and Davis: Bye-bye, realism!

"They multiply faster than rabbits,"

>Davis: They sure as Hell hump enough.

muttered the boy with goggles around his neck.

>Ken: (Looks at Squall and Davis) Which one?

"You know, you should really clean under your bed, Tai,"

>Squall: (Foximon) A Tiny universe has evolved down there!

Foximon complained, shaking more dust from her ears.
He looked even more surprised than he already was. "How'd you know my name?"

>Squall: She's psychic, remember?
>Davis: I thought that was Cunomon?
>Squall: God! Y' need a friggin' score card to keep track of their bizarre powers!

"Oops." She giggled nervously.

>Davis: As a yellow puddle formed under her.

The two pairs stared at each other,

>Davis: Here we go with another staring contest.
>Squall: The fic's original title was "Disaster and a Staring Contest."

neither saying a word, until-

>Ken: They both shouted "-"

"Tai!" It was his mother again, calling from the kitchen.

>Davis: (Freaked) She's in the kitchen!?!
>Ken: (Also freaked) No good can come of that!!

The four froze.

>Ken: Which is an odd thing to do in the middle of the summer.

"Your father's computer is making a lot of noise! You didn't do anything to it, did you?"

>Davis: (Tai) Well, I made sweet love to it through the floppy drive, does that count?
>Squall: That is just disturbing…

Izzy groaned and smacked himself in the forehead.

>Squall: Masochism is a big theme in this fic.

"The virus!" He was off like a shot.

>Squall: And they're off! Izzy in jersey #1 is rounding the corner! Dexter in jersey #10 is
coming up fast! Steve Erkol in jersey #5 is catching up and…! #69 wins!!!!
>Davis: I can guess what the prize will be…

Tai stared suspiciously at the two Digimon.

>Squall: (Suspicious Tai) Now! Which one of you stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

"All right, you two are coming with me. Down the hall, no making any noise. Come on,
let's go."

>Squall: God! It's like they're in a chain gang!
>Davis: (Foximon and Cunomon singing) Daaaaaaaayysss never finished!! Massta got
me walkin'! Walkin' down tru da hall!!

Cuno glared and didn't move, but Foximon swatted him with her tail

>Davis: She was just trying to remove that hideous growth from his neck.
>Squall: That's his face…
>Davis: Oh!

and told him to hurry up. The trio dashed down the hall and into the computer room. Tai
closed the door quickly and listened.

>Squall: Strangely, he started hearing grunge rock.
>Davis: Maybe his mom's a Nirvana fan.

No shrieks from his mother and demands to know what he was doing with animals in the
house.

>Davis: 'Cause after that last time with the goat-
>Ken: Let me just stop you there.

That was good, at least. "Whew!"

>Squall: (Tai) Foximon's just fartin' up a storm in here!!

Izzy was typing away at his yellow laptop,

>Davis: Which was white until Foximon had another one of her "accidents".
>Ken: The fox has absolutely no control over her bowels and bladder.

staring at the larger screen where a purplish Digimon with long flat hands was being
displayed.

>Davis: It's Tinky-Winky-mon!
>Squall: All that's really missing is a big upside-down triangle.

"The virus is still Keramon," he reported as Tai and the two Digimon approached.

>Squall: It suddenly turned into a rabbit/opossum-like Digimon who promptly flipped
them off.

Cunomon peered over his shoulder.

>Squall: At what?
>Davis: (Cunomon as Tweety) I tawt I taw a brownie…

"Who're you?" the redhead couldn't help but ask curiously.

>Davis: It's sir Ditch-a-lot and his partner, Humpy the fox!

"I'm Cunomon. And she's Foximon. You mean you really don't know us, Izzy?"

>Ken: (Izzy) Nope! Can't say that I know you. Please leave…

"I'm more interested in how you know us. Is it because we're Digi-Destined? Did we
meet you in the digital world?" He couldn't remember any Digimon that looked like
these two.

>Squall: And you don't easily forget a dragon and a fox who constantly fart, piss, giggle,
blink and eat brownies.

Foximon smiled.

>Ken: Killing everyone by melting their hearts… the end.

"It's a long story. But what's a Keramon?"

>Squall: Well, it's not quite a Muppet, and it's not quite a Koki (Puerto Rican frog), but
oh man HAHAHAHA!! …So to answer your question I don't know.

"That is." Tai tapped the screen.

>Ken: The screen shatters, wires fall out and he gets electrocuted… end.

"At least he didn't digi-volve again.

>Squall: And better yet, he didn't digivolve.
>Ken: He needs the crest of hyphens to digivolve to his Ultimate form.

The way he's going, he's going to be a Mega before too long." He sighed.

>Squall: (Tai sighing) So… boring…

Izzy's laptop beeped.

>Squall: (AOL voice) You've got mail!

The boy in the orange shirt leaned over, tapping a few more buttons. "We're receiving a
transmission!"

>Davis: (Izzy singing) Ground control to major Tom…

"From who?" Tai wondered, looking at the two Digimon sitting beside them. Somehow
he had a feeling they were involved.

>Ken: How? They're right there with him.
>Squall: He believes it's a conspiracy to strategically place blinking Digimon to deliver
Morse code messages to the Nazis and Myotismon.

"Let's find out." Izzy clicked on the small loudspeaker icon.

>Squall: He accidentally hit the Norton AntiVirus icon and Keramon blew up his
computer.

The image of Keramon on Tai's father's computer screen suddenly vanished, to be
replaced with-

>Ken: A hyphen?
>Davis: Could be worse. At least they didn't replace it with a lot of blinking and farting.

"Jenn!" exclaimed Foximon.
"Lexx!" cried Cuno.

>Squall: "Please!" yelled Squall.
>Davis: "End!" shouted Davis.
>Ken: "Story!" shrieked Ken.

"Who?" the two boys asked as one,

>Squall: Now they DNA digivolved!
>Ken: I was not aware humans could do that.

staring openmouthed at the screen.

>Davis: Because Izzy accidentally opened his hentai folder.

"Whoa, wicked!" commented Tai.

>Squall: (Tai) AAAAAAHH!!! Evil girls appear on devil box!! Kill it! Kill it!

Foximon's ears perked up.

>Squall: (Foximon) Foxi-sense, tingling! …Oh wait, it's just more gas…

"Jenn, where are you?"
"Lexx and I are at the movie theater,"

>Davis: (Jennifer) We're standing in a large yellow puddle. You know anything about
that?
>Squall: (Foximon) Heh-heh…

Jenn answered, as a noise came through in the background.

>Davis: (Makes loud farting noise)
>Squall: (Lexx) Sorry! That was me!

"What was that?" yelped Izzy.

>Ken: Izzy does not understand the concept of flatulence?
>Davis: He can do all this cool computer stuff but he's completely lost when it comes to
natural biological functions.
>Squall: Or maybe he's focusing all his brainpower on why Cuno and Foxi are constantly
blinking.

Lexx quickly looked behind her.

>Squall: (Lexx) Singed seats, discarded popcorn, those pimps from the street outside my
house, Myotismon, more pimps… nope! Nothing unusual!

It sounded like the echo of a door closing.

>Davis: It's a red door!
>Squall: And she wants it painted black!

She turned to look at Jenn. Fear was written all over her face.

>Ken: The blonde kid scribbled it all over her when she was not looking.
>Squall: He really is a weird kid. But he gives out nice shoes!

"Those were the doors in the lobby. We've been locked in!"

>Davis: STEEL CAGE DEATH MATCH!!!
>Ken: Two girls enter, one girl leaves…

"What!?" Jenn shrieked.
Cunomom

>Squall: (Quickly) Mother of Cunomon!
>Davis: The virgin dragon manifest!!

interrupted. "Hey, we have more important things to deal with.

>Davis: (Cunomon) We need brownies, STAT!

Do you two have any idea where we are right now?"

>Squall: Kansas?
>Davis: Canada?
>Ken: Hell?
>Squall: Like I said, Kansas?

"Oh, gee let me think.

>Davis: Always an effort for people like her.

Could it be that you're stuck inside a movie?

>Squall: (Sarcastically) That would've been my first guess.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out,"

>Ken: A rocket scientist would've come up with something less complex and more
plausible.
>Squall: Hell, after hearing that I'm starting to think Davis was onto something with the
fairies.

Jenn commented, lifting an eyebrow.

>Davis: She just keep finding them and picking them up off the floor.

"Somehow, I don't think even a rocket scientist could figure this one out,"

>Ken: At least someone agrees with us.

Tai replied, folding his arms.

>Squall: Into a nice pile before setting them in his dresser with his shirts.

"And how did you get on my dad's computer screen anyway?

>Ken: Izzy found them by accident while looking for a Hentai website.

Do you work for Keramon?"

>Squall: (Chuckling) Yes, Tai. All evil Digimon employ extremely dense girls who have
brownie-munching partners.

"Pfft.

>Squall: "Prefer Final Fantasy Tactics"?
>Davis: "Penetrate Fiona's Funny thing"?
>Ken: "Perpetual Flatulent Fume Trap"?
>Squall: If it is then it's courtesy of Foximon.

Well that's a stupid thing to ask, dontcha think?"

>Squall: Is she Jennifer Morton or Jennifer Lopez?

Jenn said, a bit miffed.
Tai smirked and turned to Izzy.

>Squall: (Tai) When I count to three, we run!

"Hey Izzy, doesn't she remind you of someone?"

>Davis: She reminds me off Kelly Bundy from Married with Children.

Izzy nodded "Ooohhh yeah."

>Squall: (Izzy) …What were we talking about, again?

Lexx giggled along with the two boys on the other side of the computer screen.

>Davis: (Lexx) Widdle men in magic box funny…

Jennifer just glared at them. "Okay, it was funny the first few times."

>Davis: Yeah, Squall! The Myotismon gag was only funny the first couple of times!
>Squall: She was talking about something else, dimwit! Besides, the Myotismon gag is
always funny!

Just then, they were interrupted by a familiar voice.

>Davis: One from Cunomon's head!

It was high-pitched

>Squall: What the Hell is Kawiimon doing there!?!

and it souded

>All: ???
>Ken: You really do learn a new word everyday…

an awful lot like . . .

>Davis: Three randomly placed Dragon Balls!!

it was! "Agumon! Where are you?" Tai shouted.

>Squall: (Agumon) I'm inside Cunomon's head! We all are!
>Ken: Must be pretty crowded!
>Davis: Sortta like that movie, Being John Malcavich.

"Over here!" his Digimon answered. The voice was coming from Izzy's

>Davis: Ass?

laptop.

>Davis: Oh…

"We're getting another transmission." A small window popped up on Izzy's monitor

>Squall: Don't y' just hate those pop-ups?
>Davis: (Izzy) "50% off when I join Hentai World"? I there!!

to reveal the little orange Digimon along with another very familiar face.

>Squall: It's that blonde kid!
>Davis: He's friggin' everywhere!

"Greetings," replied Gennai, as Agumon bounced up and down beside him happily.

>Ken: Everyone in this dreadful fanfic has had way too much sugar!

Tai's eye about welled up in tears.

>Ken: He can't take it anymore, either.

"Agumon."

>Ken: (Crossing his fingers) Please turn into SkullGreymon! Please turn into
SkullGreymon! Please turn into SkullGreymon!

Just then, Tentomon came into view. "Don't forget me!" He waved to his Digi-Destined.

>Davis: (Izzy) Damn… he saw me…

"Tentomon?" Izzy was a bit shocked but still just as happy as Tai was to see his Digimon.
They were soon followed by the other six Digi-Destined Digimon.

>Davis: The Digidestined who have the Digi-Egg of hyphens!

Byiomon,

>Squall: Whoever the Hell that is…

Gabumon,

>Davis: Took off his fur and flashed everyone!

Palmon,

>Ken: Died from lack of photosynthesis.

Patamon,

>Davis: (Patamon) It's… TK!! Oh wait… it's just that blonde kid.

Gomamon,

>Squall: (Gomamon) If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
>Ken: You may desire to fix it when I break your neck.

Gatomon!

>Davis: So what!? I can take y', y' puss!

They each made their appearance one by one.

>Squall: 'Cause if they did it all at once they'd just reenact an old Three Stooges gag.

While Tai and Izzy were speaking with Gennai and their Digimon, Lexx's thoughts were
whirling like crazy.

>Davis: (Lexx stuck on stupid) Ooooo! The colors!

How in the world was this possible?

>Squall: (Lexx) How can a just God allow fanfiction this bad to exist!?!
>Ken: See, that's why we're Buddhist.

Her Digimon and another had been pulled into a movie?

>Davis: Looks like the text is being pulled somewhere to the right!!

Yeah, right. That was ridiculous.

>Ken: The plot? Yes it is!

But she could see the evidence with her own eyes.

>Davis: Yellow puddles, brownie crumbs, constant blinking, giggling and farting… the
writing's on the wall!

Like the goggles hanging around Tai's neck.

>Squall: It was Tai in the study with the goggles!
>Ken: It'll soon be me in the theater with the revolver it this fic doesn't end soon…

He had already given his goggles to Davis;

>Davis: And he ain't gettin' 'em back!

he couldn't have them now. And Izzy hadn't worn his hair that long for a while now.

>Squall: He realized the sixties ended a long time ago and stopped being a computer
hippie.

Somehow they really were talking with characters in a movie! Okay, accept that and
move on.

>Squall: Well, y' know, sh*t happens.

Next, how had she been able to contact them with her laptop?

>Davis: Well, Lexx, magical fairies came along and-
>Squall: Davis! We heard you the first time.

That didn't make much sense, when she thought about it.

>Ken: None of this does, really.
>Squall: Davis's fairies are lookin' better and better every minute.

The only possibility she could think of was that her close proximity to the movie screen,
which must be some sort of equivalent to the digi-ports that opened to the Digiworld, was
enabling her laptop to connect with Izzy's and Tai's computer in the movie.

>Davis: (Falls out of his chair)
>Squall: What happen to him?
>Ken: He tried to comprehend that last statement.

The girl's green eyes widened as another astonishing possibility occurred to her.

>Squall: (Fanning Davis with his baseball cap) Now even she's starting to believe in the
fairies!

What if there were more worlds, not just the real world and the digital one?

>Davis: (Wakes up and climes back into his chair) This sounds strangely like the intro to
that show Sliders.

What if the movie was another world, another reality, like a parallel dimension or
something?

>Squall: What if we could actually give a damn?

"You look deep in thought."

>Ken: There is smoke rising out of your head!

Lexx jumped as a hand touched her shoulder.

>Davis: Lexx is easily fooled by that, "tap your other shoulder to fake you out" gag.

"Just me," Jennifer assured her, smiling lightly.

>Squall: Then she ripped off her mask to reveal that she was actually Myotismon!

"I went to have a look around. All the normal doors are locked, but there's an emergency
exit we could use.

>Ken: I wish this theater had an emergency exit…

The thing is, it says the alarm will sound if we open it, and I thought we might want to
clear this up first."

>Ken: Getting their stories straight.
>Davis: If they play good cop/bad cop, I call bad cop! (Evil grin)

She waved a hand to encompass Lexx's laptop and the theater's giant screen as well.

>Squall: (Jennifer, deadpan) Ta-Dah!

It was dark, but the edges still glowed a faint blue to attest to the amazement that had
happened earlier.

>Davis: And, of course, to cause epilepsy.

"Yeah," agreed the black-haired female,

>Ken: To what?
>Squall: I guess to the fairy theory.

looking at the big screen in front of them thoughtfully.

>Squall: (Lexx) Imax rules…

They sat in the aisle of the room, the laptop set up in front of them. She told Jenn what
she had been thinking of,

>Ken: And Jenn's head exploded upon trying to comprehend it.

that the movie screen was a portal to another world.

>Squall: From which fairies statically placed blinking and farting Digimon to deliver
Morse code messages and smoke signals to Myotismon so he can plant needless hyphens
all over the place!
>Davis: Ouch! That was actually painful to hear!

"Just like the digi-ports in the computers!" the girl with the brown hair exclaimed.

>Squall: The girl with the blond hair was out to lunch.
>Davis: Wait a minute; I thought Jenn had red hair.
>Squall: Well, it was red the last time I saw her.
>Ken: She dyed it brown for artificial intelligence.

"Exactly!" Lexx grinnned.

>Ken: Her grinning emphasized by the extra "n".

On the screen Cunomon and Foximon were peering at their Digi-Destined,

>Ken: And the bizarre hyphens appearing everywhere.

snouts inches from the screen.

>Squall: (Cunomon) "If you can read this, you don't need glasses." Guess I do…

"You sure you guys are okay?" Cuno asked dubiously.

>Davis: Whoa! Big word! Hope he didn't hurt himself!

Foximon agreed. "I don't like the idea of you two being out there without anyone
watching your backs."

>Davis: I'll watch their backs!
>Squall: Unfortunately, that's all you'll do.
>Ken: Stare at their "backs" and drool.

"We'll watch each other's backs," Jenn assured her Digimon, slinging an arm around
Lexx's shoulders with a smile.

>Davis: And that's when the sleazy music started to play.
>Squall: You wish, buddy.

The little dragon on the screen frowned. "I dunno, Jenn. Lexx needs a lot of looking after.
It's a full-time job."

>Davis: (Cunomon) She has "needs" and-
>Squall: Davis! That's sick!

She blushed. "Shut up, idiot."

>Davis: (Lexx) I told you not to tell people about that!
>Squall: Davis!!

"Yeah, and move over too."

>Davis: (Tai) It's my turn and-
>Squall: DAVIS!!!
>Ken: You're starting to sound like Veemon, Squall.

The voice belonged to Tai.

>Ken: Yet it came from Foximon.
>Squall: That's one heck of a trick.

So did the pair of hands that shoved the two Digimon out of the way.

>Ken: Tai's hands detached from his actual body, shot forth and punched Cunomon in
the face.



>Squall: Hey! What gives? There's no more text.
>Davis: Is that really a bad thing?
>Ken: Maybe we should consult Chaoticmon about it.
>Squall: Good idea.
>(They exit the theater.)

(1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… *beep*)

Returning to the satellite's main room the three boys found one of the lights on the
control panel flashing.
"What's this for?" Squall asked no one in particular as he hit the aforementioned button.
An image of a trio of tattered and soot covered villains appeared.
"What happen to you guys?" Davis asked.
"You're not gonna believe this!" DemiDevimon warned.
"It turns out this fic was so horrible our projector couldn't handle it and it exploded,"
explained Chaoticmon.
"Does that mean we don't haveta read any more fanfics and that we can go home?" asked
a hopeful Davis.
"Of course not!" thundered Chaoticmon and Davis's expression fell. "What it means is
that we will have to postpone the remainder of this fic until the projector is repaired. It
shouldn't take any longer than a week. In the mean time, do whatever you wish to keep
yourselves entertained while we address this matter."
And with that the image of the three villains went black.
Unsure of what exactly to do, the three boys simply stared at each other waiting for
someone to suggest something. Finally, Squall broke the tension by shrugging and
asking, "Any ideas on what we should do?"
"Perhaps we should take this opportunity to familiarize ourselves with this satellite," Ken
suggested.
"Sounds like a plan to me," Davis shrugged.
"Where should we begin?" Squall queried.
"Well," Ken began. "Beside the theater door we have three other doors to choose from."
Ken pointed to the door to the right, the door in front of him and the door to the left of the
theater door as he said that. "I purpose we split-up and see where each door takes us."
He pointed to the door to the right as he said: "We already know that this door leads to
some sleeping quarters but how about you discover what lies beyond that, Davis."
Davis nodded and allowed Ken to continue.
"I shall take this door in the front and that leaves the door by the theater for you, Squall."
Squall nodded as well. "I wonder how big this place is?" he said.
"Well, we're gonna find out," Davis answered.
"Hey guys!" he shouted to the door to the right. After a moment or two, the three
Digimon entered from the living quarters.
"What's up, Davish?" Veemon asked as he rubbed some of the sleep from his eyes.
"We're gonna go exploring this place. Wanna come with?" the neo goggle boy said to his
Digimon.
"Why not? Sounds like fun!" the blue Digimon replied as his companions soon nodded
their agreement.
"I guess this means we'll see y' later, guys," Squall said as Diamon joined him and
hopped up onto his shoulder.
The three boys and Digimon waved a quick goodbye to each other as they parted ways,
exiting through their respective doors.

TO BE CONTINUED

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own Digimon: Digital Monsters or any
characters or story lines there of. Nor do I own the idea of making fun of stuff (i.e.
MST3K). They both belong to their respective trademark holders. I also don't own Seph
and Chaoticmon (they belong to my step nephew). I also don't own the story that was
being MSTed, but I do own Squall and Diamon.

Note from Squall: Man that was a long one! And it ain't even over yet! I still got a big
hunk of it to MST. Oh well, might as well get on with it. Hope y' liked this thing. 'Til
next time my little potheads!



He was feeling kind of funny all of a sudden.

>Diamon: The "special" brownies just kicked in!

~Squall~