Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Movie Rip-offs, Act I: Bite Me (The Princess Bride, Yu Yu Style) ❯ Occurences Elsewhere ( Chapter 8 )

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“This…bites,” Hiei muttered, looking around at the beach that was apparently supposed to be his new home. There was a white beach that stretched all the way around the island, but the rest was only dense trees and brush. “If I was any more bored…I'd be dead.”

 

XXX

 

Gilligan's Island is not as easy to live on as it sounds. It is, of course, named after a man named Gilligan, a very old, very decrepit old fool. Years before, a bunch of holy lunatics gathered up a group of random people they thought were blasphemous and “escorted” them to a random island in the middle of nowhere, leaving them with only a single fishing pole—and no bait.

 

Once the prisoners were secured, sorcerers within the clergy worked a curse upon the island. By the time they finished, there was no hope of rescue because the island couldn't be found except by those who already knew where it was.

 

Now, this group was comprised of a first mate, a skipper, a millionaire and his wife, a movie star, a professor and a southern farm girl. They were seven people who had done nothing wrong and only ended up where they were by unlucky chance involving their lifestyles. The millionaire and his wife were taken for their money, the clergy-men needed the professor's knowledge, the farm girl owned a lot of land that the Royal Family wanted, and the man who was king then—a grandfather of Karasu, incidentally—saw the movie star's pretty dresses and decided he wanted them, and so threw the movie star on the island. The captain and the first mate had nothing of value but were unfortunate enough to be piloting the ship that was taking the “criminals” to the island and so had to be marooned, as well, so they couldn't tell what they saw.

 

These innocents were trapped on the island for decades. The circle of holy men died out, until there was only one left alive. This man, on his deathbed, told his only living relative—his son, and Karasu's future father—the secret of the island's location. When Karasu's father died, the secret was passed to Karasu, who shared it with Yomi, his right hand.

 

One by one, the prisoners of the island perished. It was believed that a few had escaped but the rumors were never proven.

 

When Karasu became king, he ordered that a second curse be put on the island and anyone who was trapped there. Now, anyone who was marooned on that godforsaken spit of land was immediately besieged by visions of the past—visions of the first group to be sent to the island and the lives they led. These visions began once the prisoner was left alone on the island and only ended when the person was back at sea.

 

It was all rather comical, actually, to watch the trials and tribulations of these past prisoners. The professor could make a perfectly functional clock out of a pile of coconuts and the boat captain could take bamboo sticks and build huts that would stand through a hurricane, but they couldn't fix a hole in a boat. (This was a fact that greatly amused Hiei.) It was, however, more than enough to drive one mad after awhile. Kind of like watching the reruns of a really bad sitcom…and the music! The same song accompanied ever different vision and it was annoyingly perky. Something about a ship taking two sailors and five passengers out for a three-hour tour and getting stuck on some stupid island…(Seriously, Hiei wondered, what were the chances of that happening in real life?)

 

XXX

 

Benji sighed and closed the seventh book of The History of Florin and Its Territory in Seven Volumes, the book in which he had read this information. “That's an interesting story and all, but where is Hiei?” he muttered to himself.

 

The temporary captain of the Revenge was sitting on his bed in his cabin, looking thoroughly miserable. His chest and side were heavily bandaged, his arm was in a sling, he had been confined in his bed by the ship's new doctor, and at the moment he hated his life more than he had ever hated anything in his entire existence.

 

“I can't take it anymore,” he muttered, slamming the book down on the bedside table just as the door swung open.

 

Erik Tavadon, the new ship doctor, was standing in the doorway with a grin on his face. “That's not very nice,” he said teasingly, his eyes twinkling as he gestured toward the book.

 

“Ah, Erik. My newest and dearest friend,” Benji snapped with a scowl.

 

“Aww. Poor Benji. We all feel for you, but you're being very annoying.”

 

“You're fired.”

 

“That's nice.” Erik grinned again as he came to sit beside Benji and began to unwrap his bandages. “But we won't be anywhere near land for two more weeks, and until that time I am going to thoroughly enjoy making your life a living hell. And you and I both know that by the time we hit land you'll decide that you like having me around, and you'll realize that you've fired me three times already, and every time I shoot you full of painkillers and you change your mind. Let's just face the facts, Ben.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Liar.” Erik smiled as he began to wrap Benji's injuries in clean bandages. “Well, it all looks good. You should be up and around in a few days.”

 

“Days? I was thinking…you know…now.”

 

“Stop complaining.”

 

“You're enjoying this, aren't you?”

 

“Very much.”

 

“Bite me.”

 

Erik laughed and stood. “I'll send Mikail up with some food, and if you're a good boy and eat it all, I'll bring you some chocolate. Would you like that?”

 

“Go away.”

 

Erik laughed again and nodded. “Fair enough. I'll see you later.”

 

Benji watched him leave. The two had gotten to be good friends lately—and Erik was the only real friend Benji had left. The poor guy was just starting to realize how lonely being a leader was.

 

Sighing, he pulled a stack of maps toward himself and grabbed a bottle of ink, and a pen. Nearly every island was marked off as already searched. Hiei was nowhere to be found. With another sigh, Benji dipped his pen in the ink and studied the map. When Erik came back with a tray of food, Benji handed him the map. “Tell Jackson to set a course for Cuba.”

 

“Cuba? Why? You don't…seriously think Captain Hiei is there, do you?”

 

“Why not?”

 

Erik set the tray in Benji's lap before sitting down beside him. “Why would our arch-nemesis take our captain whom he loathes and despises and place him on an island that is the very embodiment of paradise?”

 

Benji sighed and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands.

 

“C'mon, Ben. What's really going on?”

 

Another sigh, and Benji said nothing.

 

“Benji?”

 

“I'm tired, Erik.” He paused, but Erik said nothing, so he went on. “And so is the crew. We're tired of this ship and the ocean and if I have to eat any more sushi I'm going to rip my tongue out and force-feed it to Mikail.”

 

Erik chuckled.

 

Benji smiled a little, but then his face became serious again. “We need a vacation, Erik. You as much as anyone else. And Cuba is close by and…it's perfect.”

 

“And you're sure you're okay with this?”

 

“…What do you mean?”

 

“Well, the whole crew knows your story. You left Cuba for a reason, and now you're going back? Voluntarily?”

 

“…Looks like it.”

 

“Benji…”

 

“Erik…please. Just…I have to get my crew on my side. I need them to be my friends again.”

 

Erik smiled slightly. After a pause, he nodded. “Okay, I'll tell Jackson.” He ruffled Benji's hair affectionately and stood. “Now eat. Your food is getting cold.” He barely managed to get the door closed before Benji roared, “SUSHI?! ERIK!!!”

 

XXX

 

Back at the palace in Florin…

 

After a long day of riding his favorite horse through the meadows, Kurama returned to the palace in a slightly better mood than when he'd left. He and Karasu had had a huge fight that morning, and it ended with Kurama storming out of the palace and Karasu smirking in a self-satisfied sort of way. Then Kurama had gone to the stables and taken his favorite horse—a black stallion named Julius—and left.

 

It was dark now, and the palace was quiet and empty but for the night watchmen, the dogs, the cats, and the few servants wandering around. Kurama entered his room, took off his riding gloves, put them on the dresser, grabbed a book, and dropped onto the bed. He stared at the same page for the fifteen minutes and didn't take in a single word, and finally ended up throwing the book against the wall opposite and dropping back onto his pillows. The old Kurama would have been crying by now, but this new Kurama had no tears. He just felt…empty.

 

There was a knock on the door right at that moment. Kurama blinked. Karasu never knocked. “Come in,” he said flatly.

 

Yomi entered, closing the door behind him, and leaned against it. He held a steaming cup of tea in one hand. Kurama stared at him, but said nothing.

 

These two weren't exactly friends, but they were no longer enemies. Yomi had told Kurama what had happened to Hiei, but refused to give the coordinates of the island. Kurama had gone crazy in a way he never had before, and tried to kill Yomi. After that, there had been a grudging sort of respect between the two. Neither of them could explain why.

 

“Karasu is leaving again. On a six-month voyage.”

 

Kurama was silent for a moment before he spoke. “Good.”

 

“He's making plans for the marriage. You're to be married the day he returns.”

 

There was no reply.

 

Yomi felt pity stirring for the poor guy. Ever since that day on the Revenge, the prince's right hand had become increasingly inclined to experience human emotions. It was very confusing, but Kurama tended to bring out the softer side of humanity. “I wish there was something I could do.”

 

“…There isn't.”

 

Yomi sat down in a chair near the bed, placed the tea on the bedside table, and rubbed his eyes. “I know. But I can try.” The words surprised even Yomi himself.

 

Kurama froze, then slowly sat up. “…What?”

 

Yomi knew without a doubt that Kurama was staring at him, probably with a look of innocent shock on his face. “I'm serious.”

 

“Wha…? Why?”

 

Yomi shrugged. “Why not?”

 

“…Yomi. You. Are. Evil. Have you forgotten that little detail?”

 

“I remember.”

 

“So why would you help me?”

 

Yomi smiled slightly. “Let's just say…an ancient booer showed me the light.”

 

—FLASHBACK—

 

Yomi walked silently down the corridors, his mind jumbled. He had been bothered all day with thoughts of Karasu and Kurama's most recent explosion.

 

There had been very few of those explosions in the month since Kurama had been taken to live in the palace. For the most part, the redhead had cooperated, smiling at the servants, talking to them as friends, and working alongside them as they did their work. He even greeted Yomi in a perfectly civil manner when they passed in the corridors. But the only words he said to Karasu during all that time were said in anger, after he had been provoked into an argument.

 

Through all this, Yomi remained conflicted. He had always followed Karasu because he liked power, and the brat prince was the quickest way to get it. But he had taken a liking to Kurama for reasons he himself couldn't explain and he was tired of being on Karasu's side. Helping Kurama, though, would only complicate his own life, and Yomi had a lot to risk.

 

So he was very confused and so distracted that he ran smack into someone as he turned the corner. Startled, he listened hard, but heard no one. The corridor was empty.

 

“Down here, you useless mound of flesh.”

 

Yomi jumped at least a foot in the air and looked down to stare blindly at the point next to a very small old woman who was glaring up at him. “Watch where you're going!” she barked.

 

“I'm very sorry, miss…”

 

“Hell-raiser! I'm a hell-raiser! Now stop talking to me like I'm an old lady!”

 

Yomi blinked. “But you are an—”

 

“DID I SOUND LIKE I WAS FINISHED?!”

 

“Um…no. I'm sorry, ma'am…”

 

“You should be. Now, you looked preoccupied.”

 

“I…was…”

 

“Well, then follow me, and we'll talk.” She began to walk away, saw that Yomi was not following her, and stopped to look back. “WHAT, ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOUR WALKING STICK? MOVE IT!”

 

Yomi jumped. “Yes, ma'am!”

 

“Now, I think I know what this is about,” the old woman said as they began to walk side by side.

 

“You do?” Yomi asked in surprise.

 

“This is about the new boy and that bastard Karasu.”

 

“Them's fightin' words, old woman.”

 

“What're you gonna do about it, you useless six-eared bag of entrails?”

 

“Er…nothing. And yes, that's what I'm worried about. Sort of.”

 

“I know. Let me guess, you've taken a liking to the redhead Kurama?”

 

Yomi said nothing.

 

“I thought so. I think we all have. Even I can't find anything to insult about him. But the problem is, you've been the bad guy for too long and now you don't know how to switch over and start helping the good side. Am I right?”

 

Again, no answer.

 

“I'm right.” And much to Yomi's surprise, the Ancient Booer began to whack Yomi repeatedly over the head. “THAT IS THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR WEAKNESS I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE WEAK, I SAID! WEAK! NOW GO MAKE A PLAN AND HELP THAT BOY! GO!”

 

“Ow! But I—”

 

“NOW!”

 

“All right, all right, I'm going! Ow, ow, ow! I said I was going! LAY OFF, YOU CRAZY OLD BAT!”

 

—END FLASHBACK—

 

“Oh, you talked to Genkai?” Kurama asked, perking up a little.

 

Yomi blinked, a shocked expression on his face. “She has a name?”

 

“Well, of course she does. What did you think people called her?” There was genuine laughter in Kurama's voice now.

 

Yomi shrugged. “I've always just heard people call her `The Ancient Booer.'”

 

Kurama smiled and reached for the tea on the table, taking a sip. “That's what they all call her. It's a sort of title of respect, I think.” He laughed suddenly. “Even Karasu's willing to admit he's scared of her.”

 

It was a few minutes before their laughter died, but when it did, it left Kurama looking more depressed than ever. He stared out the window without actually seeing anything and sipped his tea absently as he asked, “Do you think he's all right, Yomi?”

 

Yomi sighed. “I…don't know, Kurama. I really don't know. But I've made up my mind.”

 

Kurama's eyes snapped to Yomi's face. “About…what, exactly?” he asked, his eyes hopeful.

 

“I'm going to get Hiei off that island. I'm going to get him back for you.”

 

“Can…you do that?”

Yomi smiled. “I put him on that godforsaken stretch of sand, I can take him off of it. I promise.”

 

XXX

 

Li: My God, I'm tired. That was a loooong shoot…”

 

Ava: stretches out in her chair We have got to get Hiei off that island.

 

Adara: Tomorrow, Ava. Tomorrow.

 

Ava: sings The sun'll come out…tomorrow…

 

Cheese Man: I like cheese…

 

Li: That's nice, dear. stands up Cheese man, be a dear and go get Hiei, will you? I want to talk to him about tomorrow's scenes.

 

Cheese Man leaves, and Kurama walks up to them

 

Kurama: Have any of you seen Hiei?

 

Adara: Li just sent Cheese Man to find him. They should be—

 

Hiei suddenly comes up and kisses Kurama

 

Adara: blinks Never mind…

 

Kurama: kisses Hiei back and stumbles into the nearest unoccupied trailer

 

Li: Wait! Hiei! I need to…talk to you about…okay, we'll talk later, that's fine.

 

Ava: You're all freaks…flips through a stack of papers

 

Li: Hey, has someone been keeping tabs on the Nac Mac Feegle? Rob Anybody was talking about stealing the sheep yesterday. Did anyone ever find out if he went through with it?

 

Adara: Affirmative. There were two of them missing this morning and now we can't find Rob, Daft Wullie, or Not-As-Big-As-Medium-Size-Jock-But-Bigger-That-Wee-Jock-Jock. We think they ran away.

 

Ava: writes something down on one of her papers They'll be back. The rest of the clans are still here and they won't leave without them. Blue guys are weird that way.

 

Hiei suddenly storms out of the trailer very angrily, comes over to them, and holds up three little blue men that he's holding by the shirt collars

 

Hiei: Do these belong to you?

 

Rob Anybody: Put us doon! Ya go' no right! Feegle-handlin', that's wha' this is! Put us doon, ya wee little man!

 

Hiei: I'm little?

 

Daft Wullie: That's right! Now put us doon!

 

Hiei: Fine! drops the Feegles

 

Li: Did they return the sheep?

 

Rob Anybody: We did! Yep, we did! Can we go now?

 

Li: Yeah, go on. Get out of here. calls after them as they flee for their lives And leave the sheep alone! I mean it, Rob!

 

Daft Wullie: Oh, waily, waily! She's on to us, waily!

 

Rob Anybody: Run like the blazes, lads!

 

Feegles run away

 

Hiei: Li, I want you to keep those little fleas out of me and Kurama's general vicinity at all times!

 

Li: tries to keep a straight face Yes, Hiei.

 

Ava: lips twitch as she tries not to smile Hard to do your best work with them crawling in your hair, Hiei?

 

Adara: Yeah, Hiei, just what were you two doing before they interrupted you?

 

Hiei: scowls None of your business.

 

Li: Oh, on the contrary, Hiei. As director and your boss, I think I have every right to know what…indiscretions my cast commits off the set.

 

Hiei: glares and storms away, cursing at the top of his lungs, and slams the trailer door shut behind him

 

Adara: Do you enjoy doing that to him?

 

Li: looks very satisfied with herself I gotta say, the sadist in me does wait for an opportunity to rear its ugly head. Is it my fault Hiei's always there when it does?

 

Ava and Adara: Yes.

 

At that moment, Kurama and Hiei run screaming out of the trailer. Karasu follows them waving a pink evening gown in the air

 

Karasu: Oh, come on, Kurama! It'll look so good on you!

 

Kurama: Get away from me, you mental patient!

 

Hiei: Have you been diagnosed?

 

Karasu: Kurama…whines Pwease?

 

Kurama: No! Go away!

 

Hiei: Anyone wanna explain to me how we ended up in Karasu's trailer, of all the trailers on the set?

 

Kurama: I have no idea. Li. Call off the rabid puppy dog, please!

 

Li: Why? grins evilly I wanna see you in the dress…

 

Kurama: Gah! grabs Hiei's hand and runs away with Karasu chasing them both

 

Ava: You're mean.

 

Adara: This place is chaos…

 

Ava: Hey…how is that sheep moving without using its legs? looks at the sheep that's moving off the set seemingly through no will of its own

 

Li: Oh, I am going to kill Bob! Sighs Cheese Man! Catch that sheep, please!

 

Cheese Man runs off after the sheep holding All-Powerful Cheese Slices

 

Adara: He's very convenient to have around.

 

Li: Kinda creepy, though…

 

Ava: Karasu likes him, though.

 

Adara: What does that tell you?

 

Ava: That…they share a similar interest in the debate over Swiss or American cheddar?

 

Li: How do I even work with you two?

 

Adara: Not very well.

 

Li: Obviously.

 

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SPECIAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, we just wanted to give a special shout-out! Today happens to be the birthday of a certain Black Water-Fox, one of our reviewers! Hi, Fox Person! We know it's not much, but we wanted to get this up for your birthday. We also know there's only one cut in this chapter and you requested more of them, but Ava wrote this on her own and when she's not writing with Li-chan her creative ability suffers and the humor just isn't there the way it should be. That, and she was listening to the RENT soundtrack while she wrote the end of this chapter, and it depressed her. Anyway, she promises to write with Li-chan next time and there'll be a lot more humor. We already have a lot of plans for the next chapter and it'll be funny! Oh, and sorry this came up so LATE! It couldn't be helped, honest!

 

Happy Birthday, Fox Girl!