Fan Fiction / Zoids Fan Fiction ❯ ARG MATIE! ❯ Part Four: In Which Everyone Gets Unbutchered and Our Cruise Residents Go Home ( Chapter 4 )

***At the Judging Table among those whimsical waves***

Raven: (Pouts all cute-like at Van) Maybe I'll just show my madder skills to Prozen…

Van: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR MADDER SKILLS!!

Raven: (Doesn't listen to Van) …Since Prozen taught them to me…

Van: AND I WONT BE JEALOUS IF YOU SHOW YOUR MADDER SKILLS TO PRO-(Freezes) o.O ….

Fiona: (Also Freezes) o.O ….

Everyone: (Freeze simultaneously) o.O ….

Raven: (Covers a hand with his mouth) Oops, did I just let that slip? Sorry everyone!

Irvine: (Shudders) Sickening…

***Suddenly, the door starts to rattle. After a few moments, the hinges come loose and Prozen bursts out, in all of his Sephiroth-wannabe glory***

Prozen: Hey, did I hear my name? I just know I heard my name. (Gives a feminine smile with sparklies)

Moonbay: (Shakes head) He was almost normal for a while…(Shakes fist at Author) Damn you!

Author: (Sticks tongue out at Moon of the Bay) Nyaaaaahhh!!

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~ARG MATIE! A Zoids Guardian Force Comedy ~

~Part Four: In Which Everyone Gets Unbutchered and Our Cruise Residents Go Home~

~By The Devious D/Chick~

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Van: Hey, doesn't anyone else think it's weird that we all act like long-time friends even though we've only known each other for approximately three hours?

Irvine: (Ponders this information) Hmmm…you know, you certainly make a point!

Ugly Schubalts: (Holds an icepack to his black eye) Y'know, Carl, you punch good for a rhyming poser.

Cute Schubalts: I know, I've always been better than you at everything.

Ugly Schubalts: Thanks for reminding me! (Flips his brother off with a beaming smile)

Cute Schubalts: Thanks for thanking me for reminding you! (Flips him back with the same sweet smile)

Hermann: (Taps Irvine on the shoulder) Hey, didn't we have a mission to carry out? Y'know, the reason why we made this free shady pirate ship cruise in the first place?

Irvine: (Scratches chin) Hmmm…you're right! I totally forgot! (Slaps Hermann pertly on the behind) Thanks for remembering, cutie!

Hermann: YIPE!

Moonbay: (Shakes head) More butchering dust…why must the Author be such a pervert?

Garu-Wannabe: I'm not butchered yet! (Shakes his big fat butt)

Moonbay: (Rolls eyes) You're weird enough without it.

Everyone: …

Everyone: (All look at each other) We need something to do.

Irvine: LET'S FINISH THE MISSION, CREW! (Gives a big thumbs-up) Hup!

Crew: AWRIGHT!

Hermann: (Takes out rope and approaches Fiona) Now, if you'll just hold still sweetie…

Fiona: Eek!

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***Fiona is tied to a post at one end of the ship, struggling in her binds***

Fiona: Hey VAN, a little help here! (Struggles some more)

Van: (Ignoring Fiona) Hey, where's Raven?

Fiona: (On the brink of tears) WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THAT FAG!?!?

Irvine: (Holds out arms to Fiona) My dear Fiona! Now I can keep you forever!

Fiona: YEEEEEKKK!

***In which the author realizes what she just wrote would turn out creepy and knows that this is supposed to be a happy story; so she starts over anew with a different approach***

Fiona: (Lounged on a beach chair, sipping a frosty beverage)

Van: (Tied to the outside wall of the Captain's Quarters, every limb stretched out and very topless) Uhh, this is weird.

Moonbay: (Takes a feather and starts tickling Van's tummy) Teehee! (Kitsune smirk)

Van: Wah-OOH!HAHA!OHOHOHO!EHAHAHEEHAAHAAOOHHOOOOHHHH!! (eyes start tearing up from laughter) Stop, I beg you!

Irvine: (In a waiter uniform, standing handsomely at Fiona's side) My dearest Fiona, I humbly submit myself to do with as you please.

Fiona: (Slurps down the last gulp of her drink and hands the glass to Irvine) Another please!

Irvine: (-_-) …

Raven: (Falls from the sky again) WHUD!

Hermann: Practicing?

Raven: Yup (Stretches his back) I'm gettin' pretty good, if I must say so myself.

Garu Wannabe: (Whispers in Thomas's ear) Hey, I dare you to jump off the plank!

Thomas: (Whispers back) No way! The sharks would eat me!

Garu Wannabe: So?

Thomas: It's dangerous!

Garu Wannabe: And since when did you talk normal?

Thomas: Since now, so anyways where were we? Ah yes…I told you already, I'm not going down the plank!

Garu Wannabe: Are too.

Thomas: Am not!

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Thomas: (At the edge of the plank, rubbing hands together) I'm so going to do this!

Van: (Untied, but still topless !@_@!) That was a change in heart.

Garu Wannabe: I told him he'd turn into a human if he did it.

Van: You're so mean.

Garu Wannabe: I know.

Thomas: (Bounces on the plank, in diving position) AND A ONE, TWO, THR-ACK! (Plank snaps)

***A Sploosh is heard before silence prevails***

Garu Wannabe: Huh? (Looks over ship's edge) What happened?

***A few stray bubbles surface***

Van: Umm, let's just pretend nothing happened.

Garu Wannabe: Right.

***…More bubbles…***

Garu Wannabe: Ah, well, he wasn't important anyways…

Thomas: (Surfaces) GASP! AHHGGGGG!!!

GW and Van: (Pause in mid-stride) ACK!

Thomas: (Still in the water) WOAH, check it out! Who knew I was a merman!?

GW and Van: (Raise eyebrows) WTF? (Peer over ship's edge, staring at Thomas's flashy fins)

Thomas: (Swimming around happily with the sharks) Hey guys! (Waves gay-like) Isn't this cool!?

GW and Van: (Shake heads) -.-

Van: (Starts walking away) Yes, nothing happened. Nothing at all.

Garu Wannabe: (Follows) Of course. Why would've anything happened? (Gulp)

GW and Van: (Walk away whistling, leaving Thomas to flitter with the sea life)

***Meanwhile***

Raven: (Leaning against the mast) So Irvine, just what was your great mission anyways?

Irvine: Oh, my mission? To make Fiona my eternal love slave (Blink. Blink.)…But beautiful things should not be caged…(Looks out to the ocean meaningfully, a timely gust passing through)

Raven: Riiiight, whatever. I'm going to be sleepwalker Raven now. (Looks high)

Prozen: (Saunters out of his quarters) Guess what people? I'm almost unbutchered again!

Everyone: (Throw hands up) HOO-RAYYYY!!!

Prozen: You see, now I don't act like a hormonal pansy boy, just an insulting pansy boy! (^^)

Moonbay: But I still don't like that stupid blondie girl! (Points accusingly at Fiona)

Everyone: (Turns to Fiona) GASP!

Fiona: (Sticks tongue out at Moonbay) And I don't like you either!

Van: Ahh, comic relief characters, what would we do without them?

Raven: (Saunters around aimlessly) Duuuhhhhh….

Prozen: Wow! I have no attraction towards Raven! This unbutchering is great!

Van: And this is the most pointless part of our story ever!

Irvine: So let's make it more pointless!

Fiona: I'm the soft-spoken chick with hidden powers of great mystery! Or, otherwise, your typical anime girl!

Irvine: I'm a Rio-wannabe with a high-tech eye patch! I also happen to be very cute without out my Rio/Pirate wannabe getup!

Van: I'm your brash boy that looks way too young for his age! I also wear a man ho shirt! (Winks)

Prozen: I'm your stereotypical gorgeous villain with Sephiroth-wannabe hair and a very very nice bod-ee! I've taught Raven many-

Hermann: (Cuts Prozen off) -I have a fun blonde flat top! Go me!

Garu Wannabe: I want to be Garu with my sweepy-green hair, but I'm much too…(Thinks) Well-rounded to be THE Garu! That's because I'm human sized and Garu is frighteningly skinny!

Thomas: (Jumps up into the air from the sea) I AM THOMAS, THE ROBOTIC MERMAN!!!

Moonbay: I'm annoying and have annoying hair. My voice acting is annoying and I'm just annoying in general! Like, SCORE! (Cheerleader pose)

Cute Schubalts: I'm deliciously hott and an expert at everything. (Sighs sickeningly) It's almost a crime, how perfect I am…

Ugly Schubalts: (Missing a few teeth) I amth The Greath Thubalthh! Fear my awethome-thuper-thpecial powerth ofh rage andth thavagery! (Big fist)

Raven: …

Van: (Whispers in Raven's ear) Hey man, your part is next…

Raven: (Eyes go from glazed to shoujo-sparkly) Like, WOW! Van is actually close to me!

Van: (Jumps back) ACK!

Fiona: (Shakes head at Raven)

Author: (Checks invisible watch) Oh foo…well, guess it's time…(Snaps fingers, a bag saying "Unbutchering Dust" poofing into the air)

Prozen: You know what, everyone?

Everyone: Eh?

Prozen: I think-(Suddenly twitches, an evil smirk spreading across his face) THAT I SHOULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD! EVIL AMBITIONS! EVIL AMBITIONS! (Points to nowhere) I will RULE the Empire!

Raven: (Turns from shoujo-sparkly to evil-smirkage) BAHAHA! SO HAVE I! PROZEN, LET'S GO RUN OFF INTO THE SEA AND SAY CHEESY LINES!

Prozen: I AGREE, WE SHOULD DO JUST THAT! SHARKS ARE FORMIDABLE OPPONENTS, AFTER ALL!

Raven: (Frolics to the ship's edge) MY GENOSAUR AND I WILL SQUASH YOU LIKE THE COWARDLY BUG YOU ARE!

Prozen: (Swaggers behind) NOW THE TIME HAS COME TO ARISE THE SPAWN OF EVIL ITSELF!

Raven and Prozen: BAHAHA! (Dive off into the ocean)

***Silence prevails***

Everyone: (Blink blink)

Van: That was weird.

Irvine: Yeah. Hey, guess what?

Van: What?

Irvine: We really need to finish this up. You know what that means…

Van: (Pulls out a tissue to dab his eyes) Heartfelt Farewells! I'll miss you too, Irvine!

Irvine: (Cringes) Actually, what I had more in mind was getting rid of the Schubalts.

Both Schubalts: (Looks out to the sea) Uhh, where are our ships?

Raven and Prozen: (Have both stolen a Schubalts ship) BAHAHA!

Cute Schubalts: (Shrugs) Oh well. That ship only cost eleventy-billion dollars…

Ugly Schubalts: We'll just get off when we dock.

***Boat Suddenly docks***

Everyone: (Nearly fall over in surprise)

Irvine: That was quick.

Van: Indeed it was. Hey, are we all unbutchered yet?

Author: (Nods head)

Van: Oh, good.

Crew: BYE EVERYBODY! (Zoom back up into the sky)

Moonbay: (Slaps Fiona) I HATE YOU! (Runs to her room sobbing)

Fiona: (Blinks) … (Looks at Van and Irvine) …

Van: Well, we certainly enjoyed your free shady pirate ship cruise, Irvine. So did you get what you wanted after all?

Irvine: Of course not!

Fiona: ^^ That's nice. See ya later then!

Van and Fiona: BYEEEE!!! (Walk down to the dock, waving)

Irvine: (Wipes a tear away) Oh, such bittersweet departure! (Sniffles) And my little stalkee is all mature and grown up! (Growls) And she's with that stupid kid, too! (Sighs) Oh well. It's her life. All I get to do is invade it in secrecy.

Van: (Glomps Zeek on the dock) ZEEKY! DID YOU HAVE FUN!?

Zeek: (Roars pointlessly)

Van: (Snuggles) That's nice dear…(Sighs sickeningly sweet)

Fiona: (+-_-)

Irvine: What do I really want, anyways? Have the Schubalts brothers really resolved their differences? Will Ugly Schubalts ever get his teeth back? Why did Thomas the robot turn into Thomas the merman? Just where do the crew go in the sky? HOW do they get in the sky? What evil schemes are Raven and Prozen plotting now? Are they really going to take over the world or just boast with their cheesy lines? Is everyone really unbutchered? Where is this mysterious Author? Where's Rudolph, our dorky sidekick? Why can't Moon of the Bay and my dear Fiona just get along? Why can't Moon of the Bay just disappear from all relative existence? AND IS VAN GOING TO DUMP FIONA FOR RAVEN!?!? (Gasp) Well, guess what? YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND OUT!! BAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Fiona: (Pops in from nowhere) And in which this is the end! Later, folks!

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(*A/N: That was fun ^^; I wrote this for my buds Candi and Kuroneko PB…aren't I such a nice person? Lol…I know that the charas are way-totally OOC, but that's the grandeur of script-format comedies! Woohoo! And I actually wrote the WHOLE THING in less than a WEEK! *gasp* it's so unheard of, you wouldn't believe…and I really like both the Schubalts, cuz they're both kyyyy-oooot! ^ ~ ^ hoohoo, it's just that Candi and Kuroneko PB love to make fun of Lt. Schubalts/Thomas…yeah. And parts of ARG MATIE are really random, `cause I kept on messing up everything ^^; I've never written Zoids before, please forgive. And I think Prozen and Raven are really cool too, I just love poking fun at them cuz they're Candi and Kuroneko's bishis ^^; well, later cheese brains!! *poofs away with her Zell plushy*)