Fan Fiction / Zoids Fan Fiction ❯ Unforgettable ❯ pains of the past ( Chapter 9 )

Fiona was getting bored over the next few days. Van was refusing to allow her to come back to work for a while until they were both sure that she was ok. For Fiona, although she wished to go back more than anything, she was still very shaken up over the ordeal with her ex-fiancé. She wanted to work to get her mind off of it all but Van was still refusing to allow her back until he was sure that she was better.

 

Fiona couldn't help but laugh. It was almost as if they were back in high school. There were many times where even though Fiona was sick, she would always try to go to school so that she would fall behind or miss any tests. It was always Van that would force her back into her bed when he came to pick her up and not allow her up until she agreed to stay in bed. Most of the time it ended in a heated debate but Van always seemed to win which was why Fiona was currently in the position that she is in.

 

It wasn't only that she couldn't work that was bugging Fiona. Her whole situation with Van was very difficult on her. Ever since she broke up with him all those years ago, she never thought that she would end up seeing him again, let alone living under the same roof as him even if it was just because they were both having too many problems.

 

`Wasn't this what you always wanted Fiona? Wasn't this what you two planned on doing before you broke up with him for stupid reasons?' Her mind taunted but Fiona knew that it was no use arguing because she knew that all of it was true.

 

She looked back upon those days a lot and hated herself for doing what she did. Fiona loved Van more than anything back then but she just gave him up because of a choice that was made for her. She sometimes wondered if maybe it would be her that was married to Van if the two of them stayed together.

 

`Too late to think about something like that, you did this to yourself back then,' her mind said and Fiona knew that it was right once again. `Then again, you are single again and Van is having problems with his wife. So who knows what could happen,' it told her.

 

Fiona shook the thought off sadly. `It won't happen,' she thought lying back on her bed where she had been trying to rest but her mind was too restless and it was causing her to lose some of the sleep that she was hoping to get on this forced time off. “Am I going to be able to make it through all this with my sanity?” Fiona asked herself closing her eyes and finally falling into a small nap.

 

*****

 

Van sat back in his chair and closed his eyes while rubbing his eyes. It was a very slow day and he hadn't had much to get done. He was surprised with how far ahead they were but then again he wasn't because he knew that with Fiona around that things would be that way.

 

Van was leaning back in his chair but almost fell over when the doors to his office slammed open and a very angry Tiffany came storming into the room. `Oh great, now comes the yelling,' he thought with a groan. He expected this when he just left their home a few days before. It was only now that she caught up with him.

 

“It is about time that I found you!” she yelled at the top of her lungs catching the attention of everyone that was in the area. “Where the hell have you been? I have been trying to contact you for the past few days and I could never find you!” she continued to yell as others actually started to watch the scene through the still open door.

 

Van was glad that he never told her where he went when they had these sorts of problems. “I told you that I wanted some time alone. Do you think that I would just be easy to find?” Van asked but he knew that he was. It not like she would look in some of the simplest places anyways.

 

“It is time that you forget this nonsense and just came back home Van! Is this one foolish girl going to ruin our marriage that we worked so hard for?” she asked in a slightly softer tone but Van knew that it was merely for show.

 

Van just leaned back and looked back out of the window rather than at his wife. “Maybe it's you who needs to forget this nonsense. Not everything revolves around your wants and needs. Fiona needed help and I gave it and I don't need your permission to do so,” he said calmly.

 

She started to yell a lot more but it appeared that Van wasn't even paying any attention to her anymore. “Argh!” she yelled before storming through the door and through the crowd of people.

 

Van just rolled his eyes and shook his head while he watched her to go. He wanted his marriage to work. He had made a vow and wanted to stick by it but her temper was really starting to get on his nerves and he had been too confused even since Fiona came back into his life.

 

`Face it; you want it to fail. Just think about this. Fiona is no longer getting married and if you leave your wife then the two of you can be together again like it was supposed to be from the beginning,' his mind told him but it only served to give Van a headache.

 

He started to rub his head when suddenly the door to the room flew open again and Van groaned. `I wish everyone would leave me alone right now,' he pleaded and looked up to see who had so rudely barged into his room without him being told.

 

His eyes hardened immediately and his hands clenched into fists and he saw Ethan come stomping into the office and he did not look the least bit pleased. Van was extremely tempted to just have him thrown out of the window before he could even get a chance to speak. “Get out!” he growled with threatening eyes that the man wasn't even the least bit fazed with.

 

“Where the hell is Fiona?” The man demanded slamming his fists down on the table but Van didn't even flinch at the man. “Where the hell is my fiancée?” he demanded again but Van didn't even bother to respond but continued to glare at the man in front of him.

 

Finally Van decided to speak. “There is no way in hell that I'm ever going to tell you where she is after what you did to her. It's not like she even wants to see you. So you had better stay the hell away from her,” Van growled barely being able to control the tone of his voice. He felt like if Ethan stood in front of him any longer that he wouldn't be able to control what he'd do.

 

“Tell me where my fiancée is!” the man demanded getting right into Van's face with a menacing look that Van just shrugged away as if it didn't have any sort of effect upon him.

 

“EX-Fiancée,” Van stated making sure to put a big emphasis on the word ex. “She doesn't want anything to do with you anymore and neither do I. So you had better get out of my office before I have the security escort you out,” Van said putting on a calm face that contrasted his true anger at seeing the man. When the man seemed to be making no attempted to move Van decided to just use the ladder of the two options. “Security,” he said into a small speaker and two men came into the room a few seconds later.

 

“You can't keep her from me Flyheight. I know that she will take me back if I talk to her,” Ethan said but Van just gave him an, `I don't think so' look'. He felt the security guards grab a hold of his arms but he just pulled it away and stormed out of the room much like Tiffany had a few minutes.

 

`Please say that that is the last of them,' he pleaded leaning back into his seat and rubbing his forehead where the headache that had been threatening him all day was starting to increase in its intensity.

 

*****

 

“I don't see why you don't take this as a good thing Van. You finally have the chance to have what you've wanted even long after the two of you broke up. Yet you still cling to someone who doesn't seem to care for you too much,” Irvine said as the two of them left work later in the day both exhausted mentally and physically.

 

It had been a very busy day after Van's encounter with Ethan and his wife and he just wanted to sleep and not think about anything for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, Irvine wasn't making it easy on him by talking about that sort of subject. “I made a vow Irvine, just like you did. I intend to try and keep it,” Van said but his voice held some uneasiness.

 

“That would be the point of divorce. Come on Van. You and I both know that I'm right. You and Fiona were meant to be together ever since you met each other. Took you too long to get together the first time. Yet when you did it was probably the happiest time of your life. You can have that again. She isn't getting married anymore,” Irvine said growing more and more aggravated by the minute with the way that Van was refusing to agree with him.

 

“Irvine, I would really appreciate it if you would just drop the subject. I'm not just going to do something like that because you want me to. Fiona and I are over, it can never happen again,” Van said in a tired voice as he got into his car. He hoped that he would be able to get home before he fell asleep.

 

“That is only because you won't allow yourself to be happy again,” Irvine said before he turned around and started to walk in the direction of his car hoping that Van might someday take his advice before it really is too late for the two of them to get back together.

 

`Only because you won't allow yourself to be happy again,' the words echoed within Van's head long after Irvine had left. “I am happy, aren't I?” Van asked himself while driving down the road towards his beach home. “What is it that makes me happy though?” Van asked himself.

 

The image of both Fiona and Tiffany popped up into his head. The two of them were so different from each other. Fiona was kind, sweet, innocent, yet had little faith in her choices at times. Then there was Tiffany who was kind of loud, gets angry easily, and yet has full confidence in herself.

 

Van shook his head to clear his thoughts because he felt that it was wrong for him to be comparing his wife to his old girlfriend. His heart was torn slightly. He could not deny to himself that Fiona still held a part of his heart within her grasp. That was the cause of their encounters and why he found it hard to let go of the past. He had to remind himself constantly that he was married to stop himself from doing something they might later regret though. It was bad enough that he kissed someone that wasn't his wife.

 

He could remember clearly how it was that he met his wife. Things were so different back then. He was still slinging to the hope that Fiona would come back to him even if he knew that it was almost impossible.

 

***Flashback***

 

Van walked down the streets late one night. Irvine had dragged him along for a night on the town but Van left early without Irvine noticing. The two of them had just graduated college and Irvine seemed to like doing nothing but partying to celebrate the occasion.

 

Van had been working in a very well known company for a while now. He was quickly making his way up the corporate ladder even if he wasn't even out of college while he was doing that. He was now one of the top people working directly under his boss Crougar. In fact, Crougar had been talking about retiring lately and much to Van's surprise; Crougar actually said that he wanted Van to take over the company when he did.

 

Van felt that it was an unwise decision because he was still young and that there were plenty of people that would do a much better job at it then he could but Crougar seemed to refuse to take no for an answer.

 

It seemed that the news of it got out rather quickly because he suddenly became very well known after that. He couldn't go anywhere without anyone noticing him and approaching him.

 

As many could imagine, it also made him quite popular with the women. It attracted them from all around. He hated how it attracted so many yet it couldn't attract the one that he wanted. He had not heard from her at all since their breakup and that disappointed Van to no ends. Yet he continued to wait with the hope that she would come back.

 

The stars glowed brightly within the sky and the moon shined brightly down upon him as he walked into a small park that was in the middle of the city. The park was almost empty except for a few couples around. Van felt jealous for them since they were able to be with the ones they loved and yet he couldn't.

 

Van found an open area and just laid back on the grass and stared at the stars. This made him feel at peace within his tortured mind. It was telling him to just forget and get on with his life, but his heart didn't want him to forget.

 

“You all alone out here?” a soft voice asked from behind Van making him sit up quickly and turn around to face the person. “Oh, I'm sorry to startle you. I just saw you here and was wondering why you were all alone,” the woman said with a small smile on her face.

 

“Yeah, I just wanted to come out here and look at the stars. It sometimes helps me to clear my head when I'm confused,” Van said staring intently at the stars and also at the beautiful woman that was next to him.

 

“Oh really?” she said softly to herself. “Do you mind if I join you?” she asked pointing to a spot that was right next to him. She just saw him shrug and took that as a yes and sat down and pulled her knees up to her chest and looked up at the sky the same way that Van was. “Why are you by yourself? Don't you have anyone to be with like everyone else around here?” she asked not looking away from the sky.

 

“I don't have anyone to be with. The one I love left me and I continue to wait with a hope that she will come back,” Van said although he wasn't sure why he was telling a complete stranger about something like this.

 

“Why wait for someone who obviously doesn't love you in return? I would say you are wasting your time,” she stated the fact so pimply that it scared Van a lot. “Sounds very sad to me,” she said softly.

 

Van just sighed because he knew that the woman was right. “I guess. By the way, I almost forgot to introduce myself. My name is Van,” Van said holding out his hand to shake the woman's.

 

“Tiffany,” she said reaching out to shake his hand out as well. There was something about her that reminded Van so much of Fiona. He guessed that was why he found it easy to talk to her then.

 

***End Flashback***

 

She was so different back then. Van did not know what it was that happened to her to make her become the woman that she was today. He was curious as to if one of those two personalities were even real.

 

“Why the hell is my life so damn complicated?” Van asked himself as he pulled up to the house. All of the lights were still on so he knew that Fiona was up. He was kind of hoping to not have to face her but he guessed it was inevitable since they were living under the same roof.

 

*****

 

Fiona felt relaxed being submerged into the tub of hot water. She had so much time on her hands that she decided to take a relaxing bath. Something that she hadn't had the time to enjoy in such a long, whether it was her job, or Ethan trying to make his moves on her to try and get her to have sex with him.

 

This also gave her some time to think about the way that her life had been going. Everything seemed to be jumbled up inside of her head with her break up with Ethan and suddenly finding herself living under the same roof as Van like they had planned so many years back only this time under different circumstances.

 

Years ago Fiona made a choice, one that was forced upon her by circumstances that were beyond her control. There were things about it all that Van did not know and she wasn't sure if he would understand them or not. `He has the right to know but I don't know if I would be able to talk to him about it,' Fiona thought to herself.

 

Trying to get away from any thoughts dealing with the past, Fiona got out of the tub and wrapped a robe around her. She exited the bathroom and walked across the hall and towards her room so that she would be able to change. She stopped when she noticed Van standing there, staring at her.

 

Van was mentally yelling at himself. He couldn't help but stare at Fiona the way that she looked. Her wet hair stuck to her neck and gave her an exotic look and also that she was only in a robe made things look better. The robe was slightly damp so it stuck to her curves to show he nice figure.

 

Van finally realized that he was staring and blushed slightly before turning around. It wasn't that he was embarrassed of seeing her in such a state since he had seen her in less dress many times. It was that he was married and staring at her like he used to. “I-I'm sorry,” he stuttered.

 

Fiona was also shocked to see him there because she wasn't aware that he had even come home. She suddenly realized her current state of dress and rushed into her room to finish getting changed before she would have to face him about that.

 

The look that she had seen in Van's eyes when he stared at her sent shivers racing down Fiona's spine. It was a mixture of desire, love, and all the things that he used to show her when they were still together.

 

After just dressing into a simple pair of shorts and a t-shirt, Fiona walked out of her room and towards the living room where she was almost sure that Van was going to be sitting, watching the news. Sure enough, he was there when she got to the room. “Hey Van,” she said pretending not to see the looks he was giving her earlier.

 

“Hey,” Van murmured slightly. He was busy trying to get rid of the image that he had seen only a few minutes prior. He could barely contain the desire that he had felt at that moment and wished that it would go away. It was not helping his already confused mind to think those thoughts.

 

The two just sat there in an uneasy silence. “Van?” Fiona said silently trying to get his attention. She had something very important to tell him and she knew that she had to tell him now or she might not be able to find the courage to tell him again.

 

Van turned towards Fiona and looked into her nervous eyes. “Fiona wait, I have a question to ask you and I need an honest answer. What happened to us back then? We were happy. We were going to be going to the same college but you suddenly changed our plans and then decided to break up with me. Why?” he asked looking at her with urgent eyes.

 

Van had asked her this question before when they had first started to working with each other but she had been unable to answer his question back then but he was hoping that she would be able to answer his question this time. “Please, I need to know. Did you even love me back then?” he asked remembering the words that Tiffany used when the two of them first met, `Why wait for someone who obviously doesn't love you in return?'

 

Fiona felt a little better about talking about that now since that was what she wanted to talk to him about in the first place. “I really did love you Van. It was not my choice to change colleges but a decision made solely by my mother without my consent,” she spoke softly looking towards the ground.

 

Van just shook his head and groaned. “I should`ve known,” he said shaking his head in annoyance. It was really common knowledge back then that Fiona's mother hated the thought of her only daughter being with Van. She felt that the only thing that Fiona needed was money, not love. He felt that he should have realized that it was her fault in the first place.

 

She had called him a worthless good for nothing. She had claimed that his only way through life was his pathetic dreams and ideals and that she hated the fact that Fiona was taking on his ideals. He wondered what her reaction was when she learned about where his pathetic dreams and ideals had gotten him.

 

“I couldn't do anything about it when it happened. She just threw it upon me and expected me to obey. I wanted so desperately for her to finally respect me that I just gave in without a fight,” Fiona spoke sadly.

 

She had lived with her father most of her life since him and Fiona's mother were separated. Sadly enough, he died not long before she moved in with her mother and met Van for the first time.

 

She loved her father more than anything in the world. He had taught her so much when she was younger. Put her in the right direction towards a happy life. She was devastated when he died.

 

When she moved in with her mother, there wasn't nearly the amount of love that her father gave her. Her mother tried to command her life and make Fiona into a younger version of herself. Fiona tried for so long to impress her but it never seemed to do her any good.

 

“When did this happen Fiona?” Van asked placing a comfortable hand upon her shoulder. He saw how much she was devastated she looked at the memories of her choices in the past but he felt bad that he couldn't have done anything back then to help her.

 

“A few days before I broke up with you. I just couldn't deal with what was happening. I do stick by what I said though. I didn't want you to be stuck with someone that you couldn't be with because of the distance that we were going to be apart,” Fiona said and she didn't even realize that her tears were falling until she felt Van reach out and wiped them away. She just started to talk after that, reliving the day when her life became hell.

 

***Flashback***

 

Fiona walked into her house happily after her date with Van. She felt like she was the happiest person in the world and that nothing could possibly ruin it. She was in love with a great man and what made it even better was that he loved her just as equally in return.

 

She found something funny. They were so in love that their friends Irvine and Moonbay were already trying to make wedding plans for the two of them. It was very amusing and also kind of annoying at the same time. She wasn't completely sure if she was even ready for marriage yet.

 

“You're finally back!” came the over joyous voice of her mother. Fiona didn't know if she liked the sound of it because her mother had almost never been happy with her ever since she started to go out with Van.

 

She came walking into the room carrying something behind her back but Fiona was unable to get a good look at what it was because her mother was trying her best to keep it out of view for that moment. “I was starting to think that you might have run away with that wretched boy,” she said. “By the way, I have some great news for you,” she said with a bright smile.

 

Fiona looked at her with rather cautious eyes. She had this feeling in the pit of her stomach that whatever her mother had to say, it wouldn't do Fiona any good to know. She felt like she just wanted to get away and take her mothers previous words seriously and run away with Van.

 

Her mother pulled out a small package from behind her back and held it out to Fiona, which she cautiously took as if unsure whether she wanted to look or not. She carefully opened the package and read over the stuff that was inside. It was stuff for a college. “What is this? I'm not going to be going there. I'm going to be going to college with my friends,” Fiona said staring at her mother with dread in her eyes.

 

“Oh no your not. You don't have to worry about that. I already took you out of it,” her mother said with a bright smile on her face. She saw the horror that was on Fiona's face and didn't even seem bothered by it. “I worked hard to get you in there so you had better be happy about it,” she said with a smile.

 

“You can't just do that mother!” Fiona yelled throwing the papers behind her causing them to scatter all over the floor. “You can't just make that decision for me without my consent. What about my friends, what about Van?” She yelled distraught that the mother she had worked so hard to impress would do something like this to her.

 

“Forget about all of them Fiona. Especially Van. All that he will lead you to is trouble. It's time that you grow up and stop thinking only for yourself! This will do you a lot of good,” her mother said in a no arguments kind of voice.

 

Fiona could feel the tears running down her face as she slowly backed away towards the door. “I hate you!” she yelled before she turned around and ran full speed out of the door.

 

*****

 

Fiona found herself walking around a park that was close to her home. It wasn't the one that her and Van had first kissed and gotten together but one that would hold a different meaning for them.

 

She had avoided him for the past few days after her mother forceful decision was placed upon her. She was leaving the next day and she knew what she had to do dealing with Van. He would be distraught but she was trying to save him the future pain that he would most likely suffer if they were to remain together.

 

She had called Van not too long ago saying that she needed to talk to him and that she wanted to meet him in this park. She was dreading it but wanted to get it done so that they could both get on with their lives. He suddenly came into view with his back facing towards her. She choked on her words but manage to pull herself together and spoke, “Van?”

 

***End Flashback***

 

Van sat and listened to every word that Fiona spoke as she told him about what happened back then around the time that they broke up. He should have realized that it was Fiona's mothers fault because Fiona was too excited about going to the same college as him a few days prior. “I didn't know,” he whispered out sadly staring at Fiona.

 

“I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. It was just too painful for me to mention and I wanted so desperately to forget that it ever happened,” Fiona said as the tears fell down her face only to be wiped away by Van's gentle hands. She looked up into his face and saw several different emotions. Pity, anger towards her mother, and an emotion that she knew he shouldn't be having.

 

It was the same things as before with them being unable to control their bodies as they moved towards each other. Their lips once again locked in the passion that they were so used to in the past.

 

Van mind was split between his love and his logic. He knew that he was married to Tiffany and that he loved her but as much as he hated to admit it he was still in love with Fiona as much as he did when the two of them were still going out with each other. Now was one of the times in his life that he had no idea what to do and just went upon his instincts, which was to kiss the beautiful woman back.

 

They broke from the heated kiss both flushed. Fiona shook her head slightly before she stood up and immediately ran into her room without a word spoken to Van. She was only hurting herself by holding onto that piece of her past but it was something that couldn't be let go of and forgotten so easily.

 

Van just sat there staring into the direction that Fiona had run off to. He brought his hand up to his lips and touched the spot that Fiona's lips had been touching a few seconds before. Guilt started to overwhelm him suddenly and he clutched his head while anger and guilt started to consume him.

 

“Why are things being so hard for me? I'm hurting the two people that I care for most. If I keep things going this way then they will both be hurt but someone will still be hurt if I do something,” Van said lying down on the couch while rubbing his head. `What the hell am I going to do?'