Fan Fiction ❯ A Man and a Woman and Why ❯ A Man and a Woman and Why ( Chapter 1 )

A Man and a Woman and Why

by Nana

 

Disclaimer: I own all these characters, from their Achilles tendons to their myelin sheaths. The plot is entirely mine as well.

 

Warnings: A lot of cursing, as well as some very unpleasant subjects such as rape, abuse, and incest. Turn away all ye who really don't want to read about this.

 

Happy reading to those of you who haven't pushed the back button!

 

~`~`~

 

I'm going to start off this story by telling you something of little relevance. If you'd like to skip this part then you're perfectly welcome to. Most of you are only reading this for the romance I'm sure.

Anyway, I'd like to tell you a bit about Orai Danziger. This is a name she will make clear in her later years. For a brief period of time she will be Orai Quiril, but once she's over and done with that she'll want very much to forget it.

That's not what I meant to tell you. This little intro was meant to be about her first name, not her last. So let's get on with it.

Jim and Laurie Danziger were Texas farmers who later got into oil, making them rich as pigs. They had two kids, Ricky and Tessa. The older one, Rick, was a healthy, playful little boy who liked to play soccer and watch his parents milk cows. Basically he was a happy kid.

And then there was Tessa, raincloud to Ricky's sun. Tessy spoke rarely, ate rarely, had tantrums and was sick constantly. While her parents loved her—and who doesn't love their three-year-old daughter?—they found it difficult to like her. The child had problems and no one knew what to do.

Then, all their problems were magically solved. Tessa Danziger died in the May of her third year. It was never determined exactly why this occurred, Jim just found her curled up dead in the cornfields. He left her there, thinking she was injured, and got Laurie, who screamed. A lot. Later she felt silly for her outburst, but if she hadn't had her little screamfest, she would have been plagued with guilt for the rest of her life.

The child had no visible marks, and had not been ill so far as her parents knew. It couldn't be SIDS, Laurie and Jim were well aware that Tessy was far from being an infant.

They decided though, that they didn't really want to know all that badly. They declined to hear the autopsy report, buried their child, and moved on. Within months Laurie was pregnant again.

Still, her fear for her children increased. Rick started kindergarten in first grade so Laurie could have him near her. He was a smart kid, but one forever branded as dumb because of his age. May Laurie never know, but had Rick started school normally, he would have met a politically active poet named Charlene senior year. They would have married and produced a science buff daughter, and this Veronica Danziger would have grown up to find a definite cure for cancer, a disease that would later affect two of Laurie's grandchildren and her baby sister Maggie. All three would die, though one of the grandkids would go into remission a few times before he finally passed on.

But don't tell Laurie. There's nothing she can do about it now.

Anyway.

Laurie's new baby had to be named carefully. Her other two kid's names meant nothing she was sure of, and she believed that had something to do with Tessy's death. (She could never explain this to anyone, and she certainly couldn't prove it, but she stuck by it all the same.) She and Jim were really stumped for a name. But as luck would have it, a crazy old lady showed up in town during Laurie's third trimester. She was rallying for a cult of some kind, and wanted to initiate unborn babies by giving them special names.

Thrilled by the convenience, but not so much by the freaky cult, they chose one of the least religious names, Orai, which meant `long life.' Certainly this was what they wanted for their soon-to-be little girl.

Lucky for them, the old woman was admitted to the local psychiatric hospital before they were ever required to bring their baby to a cult meeting. They kept the naming chart, which Orai would later used to name her own little girl. Her first child, a son, would be far sicklier then Tessy could ever hope to be, so she'd named her daughter Brei, or `good health,' in hopes that she would not be subject to month bouts of pneumonia like her brother. She wouldn't be.

So on the 18th of March, Orai Danziger came into the world. A week early too, even as a fetus the kid was excited by life.

 

While I'm telling you about Orai's family life I might as well tell you about Nathaniel's too. (Nathaniel is the man Orai will wind up marrying, and the purpose of this story is to detail that.) Later I'll get into how they are right now, with frequent references to their not inevitable futures. You make your choices and take what comes of them. I don't believe in fate and neither does Orai. Nathaniel does, but he only days that because he doesn't want to be held responsible for all his fuck-ups.

Moving along, Nathaniel was born to Eric Quiril and Marina Laudi in Manhattan, NYC. At the time, Marina already had a three-year-old named Carlos, who she tried to pass off as Eric's real son. But a baby born to parents of French and Slavic descent doesn't look Hispanic. Marina's first days of motherhood were spent black-and-blue in the hospital bed because of this. Nathaniel was Eric's true son, but Eric beat his wife anyway, just to be sure.

The children were not well-loved. Bad grades were met with beatings, good ones with sexual favors. Drugs were easy to come by, and the boys were encouraged to hire prostitutes before they even hit puberty. Marina was rarely home, choosing to avoid Eric's abuse and not caring enough for her kids to make the sacrifice. For a time, two-year-old Nathaniel thought his mother was a thirteen-year-old girl named Irene. (She was the baby-sitter and Eric's number-one fuck.)

Eventually, Marina gathered her brood and a few possessions, disappearing into the night with depressed adolescents. For a while, they stayed with Marina's older brother Gerard. Ger would die in a car accident 21 months later, but for now his big apartment was a good home for Mari and her boys. Gerard ignored them best as he could, which was reasonable since he and Marina couldn't stand each other as kids and her sons were quote-unquote “creepy.” Marina led the same social life she always had, and, unsupervised, Carlos stole large quantities of cash from his uncle and Nathaniel sodomized a small boy next door.

It was only natural considering their father, and if any adults noticed their wrong-doings, he or she kept their mouths shut. Carlos and Nathaniel got off scot-free, so they continued. Carlos would later spend a few years in jail for trying to rob a convenience store, but Nathaniel's jail time wouldn't come until much later, when he raped a teenage girl named Mimi who didn't hesitate to press charges.

Just as things were getting out of control, Mommy found herself a man. He was a little older then Marina, but not enough to mean much. His name was Abraham Davies, and he had a daughter named Laine, who was a sixteen-year-old eighth grader. The girl was dumb, no denying it, but she was sweet, pretty, and well-loved. When Laine became part of Marina's family, her boys were fiercely protective of their stupid new sister. Despite his developing kleptomania, Carlos never stole from her, and Nathaniel only fucked her once or twice.

Then came the babies. I don't think Marina would have actually bothered with divorce papers, moving, marriage licenses, and restraining orders if it weren't for little Helene swimming around in her uterus. Approximately nine months after the baby was born came Ursula, a child who would later graduate high school at age sixteen, and become obscenely rich through her law practice and her future husband's (who lost his virginity on the night she was conceived!) bookstore. Quite a contrast to Helene, who would be made poor by prostitution and drug addictions.

All that aside, we're going to leave off with Ursula at the age of one, which means Nathaniel's fourteen and can go to high school. There he'll meet Orai, who has since grown into a beautiful young lady, one so smart she had to go all the way to Manhattan to receive a fitting education. She lived with her brother, who was attending NYU but had a crummy apartment instead of a dorm. Their younger brother Jordan was still living with his parents in Texas, merrily making his way through middle school.

The highschool was called `Laos and Cambodia Highschool,' because it was founded during the Vietnam War by someone who strongly opposed the bombing of the areas for reasons that weren't their fault. The school raised money for the two nations, especially Cambodia—it was 1984 and the country's in deep shit with Vietnam.

The education was supposed to be excellent, and both Orai and Nathaniel were accepted there. Laine was not, she began her belated high school career at Brandeis, but Carlos went to Laos and Cambodia too. These two kids are not really relevant to the story I mean to tell, that of Orai and Nathaniel's meeting and eventually producing infants, but hell they're human beings and I'm sure someone cares about their childhoods. Besides, maybe Nathaniel was influenced somehow by his brother's presence or his sister's lack thereof. You never know with these things.

I just love taking forever to state the basic facts, don't you?

 

Now we're gonna get some story in here. We're gonna get some plot, and we're gonna get some dialogue. Maybe some detail, like what Orai was wearing and how Nathaniel's penis sprang out in erection the first time he saw her. I know you've been wanting this, but I told you you could skip the intro. I gave you explicit permission, so don't go blaming me if you're bored and restless by now. If you did skip it, then I think you missed out on some important background. I don't want to just plop some teenagers in the middle of the hallway without you even knowing anything about them. If you skipped the intro, you don't even know who Orai and Nathaniel are, and you certainly don't care about them.

Sorry if I sound like a pompous ass. No offense meant to any of you, really. You just read this story any old way you feel like, okay? You can put it down right now and I won't be mad, I swear. Goodbye now. It was nice talking to you. Hope to see you again real soon. Bye.

 

Now, supposing you stayed on, here's the rest of the story.

 

So there's Orai, leaning against the lockers, looking like she's waiting for someone but really she's all alone. This is Orai Danziger in 1984. Look close, she's really a beautiful girl. She's got a good figure, slim but not emaciated, she looks like a real girl, with breasts and behind and a bit of a gut. She has on red cowboy boots, tacky reminders of her hometown. Her skirt is white rayon with little red checks, and it goes halfway past her knees. Her tights are nude and ripped, and the shirt is tight and pink-colored. She wears a jean jacket to keep warm, and her hair is down and dark. She doesn't embody any particular style, but to be honest she doesn't give a shit. Her hazel eyes are looking down, and she's fiddling with her cigarettes.

Okay, you've got a pretty clear picture of her now, right? Oh look, see, she just sighed! Poor girl misses Texas and that's understandable. Her family, her friends, her entire life is there. She's not allowed to call home due to long distance charges, and her friends don't call, only her mother.

So…Orai. You got her. Moving along to Nathaniel, he's standing at the end of the hall, heart pounding and penis pulsating. He sees Orai but he doesn't see how lonely she is, only her close-to-D-cup-breasts and her pretty hair. His brain doesn't know jackshit about her but his libido knows all it'll ever need.

Maybe I should give you a clear picture of how Nathaniel looks too, just so you're seeing more then a faceless erection. He's got blond hair and blue eyes, a stark contrast to Orai and his brother Carlos. He looks like his father and his baby sister Ursula, as well as his sickly son to come. His hair is long and uncombed, and the rest of him is equally messy. He's wearing combat boots, blue jeans, and a grimy striped green tee-shirt, faded from years and years of use. His figure's alright, though he's a bit on the skinny side. Actually he's bordering on emaciation. So not so alright. He eats, but doesn't put on weight easily. His mother was the same way, it's a genetic thing. He has a horrible cobra tattoo on his arm, done up by a drug-dealing friend of his brother's. The needle was dirty, but Nathaniel's one lucky bastard, so he doesn't get sick.

Alright, so now you know what you're looking at.

Nathaniel struts over to what he assumes will be his brand new sex kitten, cocky as he always is. Orai snorts in disgust, pretends to ignore him. “Fucker,” she mutters, just to scare him off. But Nathaniel won't be put off by the mere fact that he's unwanted. No, his father raised him quote-unquote “better” then that. The Eric Quiril Holy Book clearly states that when it comes to the testosterone-deficient half of the human race, you do whatever the fuck you want. They're not human. They don't care.

And Nathaniel is provided with excellent examples of this theory at home. His mother is a closed-mouth robot who pretends she doesn't feel. His big sister is an idiot and the younger two are babies. He doesn't understand them so they don't seem real. According to Nathaniel's misogynistic view of the world, females are nothing more then slots for his dick.

Let's hope Orai can change all this, because we don't need people like him walking around. If the world were a just place he'd be castrated, so no woman—or man for that matter, would be treated as less then they are by his hands.

No…that's not fair. It's not Nathaniel's fault he was raising that way, nor is it actually Eric's fault, his dad was just the same way. This stuff is as old as the earth. In a just world, Nathaniel would be in therapy, working out his sick ideas with a professional who could set him right.

This isn't a just world. Nathaniel's breathing down RaiRai's neck, snaking his hands under the waistband of her skirt and—

—Being slapped away. Good. Orai screams sexual harassment and crushes his foot under her tacky red boots. She stomps off, knowing she'll try and beat the crap out of him if she doesn't. Orai doesn't feel sure enough of her strength to attempt such a thing, and anyway the little something in her and everyone else that knows the future tells her that she can't do it, not without feeling she's a horrible person. She doesn't know that she'll one day have a son who is the target of every bully in town, but she knows she cannot and will not raise her fist to this pervert or anyone else.

“I'm reporting this,” she warns, glaring angrily at a confused looking Nathaniel.

She does so immediately, and she lands Nathaniel in a good two months detention. Natty's so scared he's almost shitting his pants. He can't have detention, he'll be late coming home and then Dad'll…oh yeah, he's just remembered Dad's not there anymore. Abe's a nice guy, he won't hurt him. And Carlos can look after the babies.

Orai feels pretty good now, but her victory is short-lived. The minute she lights up a celebratory smoke—bang!—she's in detention too. The principal seems to have completely why Orai's in his office and so he assigns the two the same detention room.

Smart guy. Truly a genius. What a shining example of brilliance that is projected into the heads of little freshman. Jesus Christ.

 

It has come to my attention that I promised you dialog, and I have thus far delivered very little of it. To make up for my mistake, this next scene will be nothing but dialog. Though you haven't really heard them talk, I think you know enough about the two to tell which is which even if you skipped the intro. Oh, I stuck a teacher in there too. Guess which one it is!

“So...you're in here for smoking, eh? You know I do that too...my brother says it fucks up your lungs but what do I care, right?”

“I think you're smoking something more then cigarettes if you think I actually want to talk to you.”

“Why don't you wanna talk to me, what'd I do?”

“What did you do?! Are you crazy?! You were about to fucking rape me, what do you mean what did you do?!”

“Er...what did I do? Look sorry about that, I didn't know you were such a frigid bitch. You oughtta lighten up, girlie.”

“Excuuuuuuuse me, there will be no use of profanities during this detention period. In fact, I'd prefer that you didn't talk at all.”

“Yes Mr. Finkelhopper. Anyway, girlie, so what's your name?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“I bet I can guess. Brenda? Marlene? Tracy? No wait, you've gotta be called Shannon, you look just like an older version of my sister's best friend Shannon.”

“You're never gonna guess. Unless you're familiar with Perdita Field and her one-woman cult, that is.”

“Perdita Field?”

“Some psycho lady from Texas who my parents got my name from. Technically I'm a member of the Deil Mogg Glae.”

“What the hell is that?”

“A cult that uses special names and according to the newspapers, sacrifices sunflowers and couscous to the god of happiness. I've never been to a meeting, Perdy got hauled off to the loony bin before I ever had the chance.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“Well it could've been interesting. It's better then worshiping some long-dead carpenter anyway. I don't believe in God, do you?”

“Nah. Hey can I feel your boob?”

“Fuck no! Why do you think you're in detention, douchebag?”

“Miss Danziger, the `no-profanities' rule applies to you too.”

“Danziger huh? Can I call you Danny?”

“Sorry Mr. Finkelhopper, and no you can't. The names Orai. I didn't want to tell you that but if it's that or you calling me Danny...”

“Okay, I'm Nathaniel. You can call me Natty if you want.”

“'Kay, I'll call you Natty.”

“Great. So...Orai...can I feel your boob now?”

“No!”

 

It may surprise you to know that Orai and Nathaniel didn't actually meet again until the end of senior year. Not to worry, I wouldn't have seen this coming either. It seems only natural that they'd hang out, develop a relationship throughout their high school years that's reached marriageable level by the end. But Cambodia and Laos High School is a big place, and they didn't get along to begin with, what with all the sexual harassment going on.

Truth be told, while they were going about their lives apart, Nathaniel fell madly in love with a mean little machine gun of a girl named Norra King. She was dating Natty's best friend Larry, which may have explained some of her appeal. Nathaniel's very young sister Helene, around four in Natty's junior year, bore the brunt of her brother's sexual frustrations. This might explain her later profession, Nathaniel got her used to being used.

Nathaniel does have one go with Norra, after a heavily liqueured night in Larry's basement. Larry was unconscious from all the booze, and Norra could barely tell that Natty wasn't him. So they fucked and Natty stalked her until she took him to court for a restraining order. Natty was crushed, absolutely heart-broken, so he holed up in his room crying (and puking, though whether that was psychosomatic or stomach flu we'll never know) for a week. To get away from away from his brother's lunacy, Carlos stayed with his tattoo-giving junkie friend, and came back with a sloppy skull-and-crossbones tattoo on his butt, as well as slight crack addiction. The parents didn't notice either of them.

But Natty got over Norra, or at least he said he did. He screwed half the class of 1987, be it mutual or not, and pretending that was enough. When it wasn't, there was always Helene and the neighbor boy. I feel for them but I'm trying to empathize with Nathaniel here. I can't say I approve of the whole `raping small kids' thing, in fact quite the opposite, but I understand, and I hope you do too, why he does it.

Orai's love life alternated from non-existent (freshman year to the middle of sophomore) to dating around, changing boyfriends every couple of weeks (middle of sophomore to the end of junior) to nonexistent again ( 3 months of her senior year) to having two men vying for her hand in marriage after college (remainder of senior year.) She just dumped them both when she met up with Nathaniel in summer school. (They'd both failed their last English class because neither of them cared to listen to Mr. Finkelhopper's nasally whine.

So now we have another 'scene,' their first meeting in so many years. To get you more 'in the moment,' I'll be switching back to present tense. So you can picture it, I'll describe how they look today. I wont bother you with setting, they're in your typical high school classroom. Just picture yours and you'll be fine.

So. Zoom in. The years is 1987, the month, July. Approximately one year before the birth of their son. (The sickly wimp, remember?) Note how the relationship has gone from `hey I remember you' to fornication in a matter of months.

Nathaniel is blinking hard to stay awake, sweat is pouring down his back from the intense July heat. (What most schools spend on climate control devices, Laos and Cambodia High School spends on foreign aid charities.) He's wearing those nasty high-waist 80's jeans, though why in this heat I can't imagine, and he has a white muscle shirt is plastered to his body. The shirt really doesn't accentuate any muscle, since he lacks it at the moment. All it shows are ribs. Nathaniel's rather worried about this, so a year or two later he'll start working out. His hair has recently been cut into a mullet.

Orai is sitting in the row right behind him, wondering where she knows him from. She hates his hair, and feels pride in her own for staring at it. It's thick, shiny, and she cuts it herself once a week. (She doesn't have a job and her brother has too many college loans that need paying to bother with his little sister's trips to the salon.)

Today she's wearing a billowy sun dress, colored orange and yellow. She's just bought an extremely gaudy necklace that no one likes except her, so she's wearing that today too. It consists of huge chunky red and orange square beads and a massive sun with a grinning face in the center. It's big enough to detract attention from her face, and, unfortunately since Nathaniel's in the room, to draw attention to her breasts. Orai doesn't realize this, but Natty sure does.

He looks back at her, the drool of the pervert mixing with his sweat. “Hey,” he says, trying to sound tough and sexy. “You're that girl who got me my first detention aren't you? What's your name, Perdita?”

“No, it's Orai, I don't know where you're getting Perdita from. I don't remember your name...what was it, Nutsack?” Naturally the girl has a bit of pent-up rage in her. You would too face to face with a guy who sent you home trying not to cry and cursing up a storm, who your brother wanted to go out and shoot for you.

And RaiRai knows that if she weren't so tough she would've been raped that day. So she's got to be as mean as possible, to keep this scumbag at bay.

“Actually it's Nathaniel, and you'd best remember that, okay Perdy?” Nathaniel snarled, hating her so much right now. She's too much like Norra, just taller, prettier, and a little bit kinder. He hates her for reminding him of what he lost, wants for her to compensate.

He will fuck her. What he doesn't know is that he'll marry her too.

“I swear to god I'm gonna deck you if you don't shut up,” Orai murmurs as Mr. Finkelhopper tells them to shush their little heads, he's trying to teach. Orai apologizes and stares vacantly at the board, taking in nothing of what Finkelhopper says. When he calls on her for an opinion she agrees with whatever's just been said, not caring.

She never cares. It's a wonder she's only redoing one course. Nathaniel's the same way and they'll pass on this sort of thinking to their children. Their eldest will not graduate high school due to a combination of trauma, illness, and just plain old not giving a shit. The younger one will graduate and go to college, but she wont accomplish much other then selling a short story to an obscure magazine, and producing a melodramatic goth boy of a son.

Mostly it's because they all believe they were destined to fail. Orai doesn't believe in fate with her head, but in her heart she's not so sure. Nathaniel has always believed he was nothing, so he became nothing and remained that way. As will their son, and as will their daughter to a lesser degree.

Sorry about that, I went off on a tangent again, didn't I? You should be getting used to this by now. Anyway, back to the story. The bell has run and school is out for the day, thank whatever deity you believe in, god in lowercase if you're an atheist. Nathaniel is headed off to the local grocery store to buy some cigarettes and maybe a popsicle for the heat. Orai is headed in the same direction, not knowing that she's following a nutsack. She wants her ciggies too, as well as a soda or something, her tongue is sticking to the roof of her mouth with her thirst. She wipes sweat off her forehead to no avail as she steps out the school doors, her arm is sweaty too, so she doesn't accomplish much more then a trade-off.

Nathaniel's at the grocery—called Madonna's—within a minute. He jogs there, taking every spare moment to exercise. As I said it'll be a while before he'll start up anything serious—he'll be inspired by his ailing wreck of a son to get in shape. For now though, he thinks that random spurts of activity are enough. He doesn't realize that they do him no good.

Let's not tell him though, okay? The strength he'll acquire later will be used for little more then hurting people, so it's best to put this off as long as possible.

Orai arrives three minutes later. At one point she loses her flip-flop and has to go back for it, and she's also reading while she walks. Her friend Peggy's written a short story, and she's required by the laws of friendship to read it through. Unfortunately it's dreadful, an angst-bucket with little to no plot or point. Bits and pieces are alright, but Peggy can't quite make it work as a whole.

Orai's just going to say she loves it though. Peggy gets so upset.

Oh my. It actually took me a whole entire page just to get them to the store. What? You'd like for me to stop interrupting and get on with the story? Well thanks a lot, shows how grateful you are that I'm taking time out of my busy day to entertain you. I should just kill you right now.

But I wont. I'm a nice person, really I am. I'm not twitching, and if I am it's not with rage at you. Really.

Back to the story, which I intend to stick to from now on, though there may be a few off-topic paragraphs strewn about in there. I hope you're not too mad at me for all of this. I don't want to irritate anyone...STORY! Gah!

Orai pushes open the grocery door, leaving a hand-shaped blob of sweat on the sign that incorrectly says 'Pull.' She narrows her eyes, pissed as hell to see Nathaniel rooting through the freezer for the perfect popsicle. “What in the hell are you doing here?” she bellows, sidling up to him at looking disdainfully at his hair. She doesn't see why he can't be bothered to keep it nice.

“How 'bout you, weren't you just following me?” Nathaniel asks, tearing his tank top loose from his pants.

“No, I came here to get some things, not to see you. Buy your crud and get out of here, I'll leave once you're a block away.”

“Look if you don't want me around then what are you doing so close to me?” Nathaniel asks softly, making a rather valid point. “You know I want to screw you and I'm sorry chicky but if you don't get out of here I'm prolly gonna have to.” He hopes she doesn't go, but he likes her enough so he'll give her a chance. He knows he can't possess her like he tried to do Norra. He pays for his purchaces, watching her with his eyes at chest level. Orai stomps her foot angrily and grabs a bottle of coke from the fridge. She gets her cigarettes and plunks down her cash, totally ignoring the cashier, ignoring Nathaniel even more pointedly.

“Orai?” Nathaniel says, suddenly gripped with terror that she'll go. “I'm sorry, can I walk with you?”

She starts to say no, of course not, but she can't quite croak it out. She doesn't want this pervert near her, but somehow she cant stand to see him go. He has nice eyes, weak and swimmy, like little lakes. Much as she wants to, she cannot and will not walk out of this grocery without Nathaniel. “Sure...” she says uncertainly, opening her soda as they walk outside.

I wonder if Orai would've made the same decision had she known about the neighbor boy, about Helene and about Norra, or about their little girl Brei to be born six years later. I'd like to think she wouldn't be, that she has more self-respect and sympathy for the abused children and stalked young girl.

But she might not have believed it. A man who fucks his five-year-old sister is way outside her realm of experience, and Orai is good at denying what she doesn't want to be real. Its only years later when she witnesses Natty going down on their two-year-old that she sees him for what he is. A profoundly disturbed individual who would, in her view, benefit from being shot. (I'm for therapy, not bullet wounds, but her brain and mine work differently.)

Nathaniel takes her hand and she doesn't protest, doesn't even feel sick to her stomach as she thought she might. This could work, she thinks, maybe Nathaniel's the guy for me. And it makes sense that she would think that, seeing as she's recently disposed of two nice young men who treated her like the goddess Aphrodite. This kid just doesn't want what's good for her, so subconsciously she picks the path that'll make her miserable.

Nathaniel squeezes her hand hard, making her hurt.

 

The two of them arrive at home, Orai to stare at a dusty patch of sunlight in her room and not think much, Nathaniel to brag to his brother about his possible conquest. “You Carla!” he yells, using the feminine version of his name as he always does when he wants to speak of such things. Carlos is in their bedroom, playing stuffed-animals with his three-year-old son Ruz. Carlos hasn't lived in the Quiril/Davies household since the kid was born. He'd married a much older woman, taken her surname, Hernandez, and was living in her house with their son. She's pretty much enveloped him, something Nathaniel would never have seen coming for his tough-guy big brother. At the moment Carlos, Georgina (Mrs. Hernandez's first name) and their little boy are visiting Ruz's grandparents and letting him play with his same-aged aunts and uncle. (Helene's five, Ursula's four, and Marina and Abe had popped out another young one named Cody, now three years old.) Georgina is probably out shopping with Marina, as they've been doing for the past couple of days.

“Hm?” Carlos says, putting down a large, pink alligator. “What's up Natalie?”

“Okay you know how I haven't really dated anyone since that thing with Norra?” Nathaniel says, sitting on his brother's bed and fiddling with the eyes of the alligator. One pops off and he turns the thing around so Ruz wont notice. It's his favorite toy and he'll start bawling if it's ruined. “Well I met this girl, her name's Perdita and she's a fucking fox.” He says this paying no mind to the three-year-old in the room, not caring that Orai's name isn't actually Perdita. Nathaniel likes to make up names for people. Sixteen years from now he'll insist on calling his son Roy despite the fact that his real name is Rue, an apt name for a baby they'll both regret the birth of.

“Yeah?” Carlos says distractedly, more interesting in Ruz's search through drawers then Nathaniel's banter. “She like you?”

“Dunno, she let me walk her home but she wasn't really nice to me or anything.” Nathaniel sighs. “She's kinda like Norra.”

“Look man, Norra's your best friend's girlfriend and it's painfully obvious that she's not interested, what with the restraining order and all. So get over her okay?” Carlos is very tired of this particular complaint. He doesn't understand his brother's obsession, and he really doesn't care at this point.

“Yeah I know. Anyway I'm gonna go for this girl. Even if things don't work out I can still fuck her a few times…”

Then Ruz speak up, maybe wanting to end this conversation too advanced for him. “Daddy I want juice, get me juice okay?”

Carlos stands up, says sure, what kind? Ruz demands apple and they walk off, leaving Nathaniel to stare at his own dusty patch of sunlight.

 

Because I control time, we'll skip a day or two. I would just take us to tomorrow but Nathaniel was appointed babysitter-of-the-day and had to skip Mr. Finkelhopper's snooze factory. He set the kids up in front of the TV, ordered a pizza, stuck his thing in Helene and put them all to bed. When Ruz began crying from a nightmare, Nathaniel first threatened him, then raped him so savagely that the poor kid didn't speak a word for weeks. It's hard to believe that his parents did not notice their child's state, but they certainly ignored it. Even Carlos, who knew a recently sodomized child when he saw one (Helene, Helene, Helene! Just because she's a girl doesn't mean Natty doesn't go around the back too!) pretended not to know. Worse, he continued to leave Ruz in Nathaniel's care.

I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise to you that when Carlos and Georgina have more babies, twin girls named Penelope and Jennifer, Ruz will sexually abuse them. At one point they get a foster son, Altair, and Ruz will fuck him too. See, it's a learned behavior.

As for how Orai spent her day, she went to school, did some half-assed homework, got drunk with her brother and went to bed. Pretty dull, a same-as-usual day. Just thought I'd tell you so you don't think she's flown to Hawaii to have some hot girl on girl orgies. `Cos she hasn't. Stop picturing it. Clear your mind of the image. Oh you're not going to. Moving onto…

 

…Orai and Nathaniel's first day back together at school! On this fine and disgustingly humid day, the two of them are wearing next to nothing. RaiRai has on black hot pants and a white tank top that bares her belly. She's done her hair up today, mostly to keep it from sticking from her neck, and it's in two high pigtails and black and white ribbons. As for Nathaniel, his mullet is pulled up in a sloppy ponytail, and he's got on a purple tee-shirt with the sleeves torn off, and teal swimming trunks. He looks revolting and he knows it, but it's all he has that wont make him melt.

“So Perdy,” Nathaniel says, sidling up to Miss Black-and-White Girly Girl. “How ya been?”

“Fine,” says Orai through gritted teeth. She hates that nickname, just hates it. I mean who wants to be named after a crazy lady? This girl has great pride in her identity, and that's Orai Danziger, not fucking psycho Perdita Field! “That's good…so what did you do all day yesterday?” Natty asks casually, sticking his feet up on the desk. Mr. Finkelhopper doesn't protest, by now he figures there's no real point. Orai tells him, detailing her drunken night with Rick.

“You should have seen him,” Orai says, laughing and gesturing wildly with her hands. “Rick had like six beers so he was jumping all crazy-like and dancing like a ballerina. And then he started singing. It was awful, God, my big brother singing `Hooked On A Feeling' at me. Y'know he's going back to Texas soon, he's gonna get married. His girlfriend Claudine's already pregnant…”

She trails off, realizing what she's doing. She should be angry, aloof, at the very least uncomfortable with this pervert who calls her Perdy but no. No, all she wants to do is talk to him some more. Though Nathaniel would prefer to do other things with her, he's not adverse to this talking thing either. So they yak all through the lesson and past it, walking home together and making plans to meet that night at the local hole-in-the-wall bar.

After Nathaniel leaves RaiRai's wishing she'd taken yoga so she could kick herself.

 

She considered pretending to be sick, or saying her brother wanted her home, or just plain blowing him off but no, she couldn't do that. On July 16th, 1987, 8:05 PM, Orai Danziger started off for Mergatroid's Boozebucket, a terrible place on 23rd Street.

I just felt that the above information deserves a certain heaviness, and I tried to make that clear. Please don't take it lightly, this is the beginning of the end here people.

 

Back to present tense.

The two arrive at pretty much the same time, and this time it's very, very awkward. Natty eats mixed nuts from an ashtray and order screwdrivers while Orai gets a banana daiquiri and doodles on the table with her lipstick. Nathaniel insists on paying for the drinks and Orai says fine because she's broke. After that they're quiet for a while. “So, uh…what are we doing here?” Nathaniel asks, blunt because he doesn't know how to phrase it nicely. “I mean, I don't really have anything to say to you…”

“Same here,” RaiRai sighs. “I could talk to you okay before, or at least I wanted to…argh…this is stupid.” She sets down her glass, slamming it hard against the counter. “I should probably just go home.”

Nathaniel takes her arm. “Wait!” Orai stares at him, no anger at all in her expression.

“What?”

“I want to sleep with you, please I…” he pauses, trying to think of a convincing reason why. She looks like Norra and he's horny goddamn it, he'd screw anything that on two legs. Both of these are terrible reasons that'll have Orai grabbing her purse and stomping out the door. “You're so…I need…oh…Orai…”

“Okay” she says, taking him totally by surprise. “You called me by my real name so I guess I owe you that much. Besides…”—she takes his hand—“It'll give us something to do…”

So here we have two people, one who will do anything for some pussy, another who will sign away her future for her name. The two of them walk to the back of the bar, a haven for such people. They fuck, it sucks, and they arrange to meet again.

 

“Where've you been?” Rick asks, his Texas accent so much thicker then Orai's own. It sounds ridiculous to RaiRai now, she sounds like her friends, she sounds like New York. It's only been four years but she doesn't really remember home. “Didja go out with awl yer friends? Yer supposed to tell me first.”

Orai doesn't answer, only hurls her bag on the floor and flings open a window, shoving in her brother's face her violent and tired demeanor. She heads for the fridge and takes out some leftovers, which she tells him she's having for dinner. “I don't have enough money for fast food again.”

“I'll pay for you?” Rick says, shrugging, calmer and sounding a little more like the city. It's an effort for him and he can't make it when he's upset. “But you didn't answer my question,” he reminds her. “Where you been?”

“What about you?” Orai asks stiffly. “I know you just got home.” With that she shoves the leftovers back in the fridge and heads for the living room, flopping onto a hideous neon orange couch. It's covered in plastic so in the sweaty heat her body sticks to it. She turns on the TV, not caring what's on. It's just some stupid sitcom anyway.

“Well duh, I was working,” Rick says, sitting down beside her, pants and shirt off because it's just so hot. If it weren't for his kid sister in here he'd have his skivvies off in no time. It's kind of awkward for him living with a girl, but he guesses it's good practice in case he ever has a daughter. “My shift ran late because we had a lot of customers today.”
“Mmm. I'm thinking about getting a job,” RaiRai says, peeling her off a narky gray throw pillow. “Maybe at that new clothing store, you know `Holly Cow'? They just opened up so they could probably use some help.”

“Right, yeah you could use a job, `specially since you'll be living on your own real soon. I saw that store, it's nice, now where the hell have you been?”

Orai shrugs, kicks the pillow aside. “What do you care? I went to a bar, big deal.”

“Without me? `Rai you know there's guys who'll pounce on you in a second if you don't look tied down. You could get raped, you could…Jesus `Rai…” He's looking down as he says this, not wanting to see his sister's face. (It's pretty blank at the moment actually, and she's the spitting image of her daughter-to-be. No one here knows that yet though. So don't tell them.)

“I went with someone, so nobody bothered me,” Orai says, wishing she were the older one and not so fussed over. She can't see how her recent sexual encounter is any business of her brother's she's eighteen years old and can take care of her own damn self.

“How'd you get in anyway, ya gotta be twenty-one…” Rick trails off, hypocritically handing over a beer to his baby sister.

Orai gulps down the can and says, “I guess they thought Nathaniel and me were older.”

“Who's Nathaniel?” Rick's eyes narrow and he tries to remember where he's hidden his gun. Orai is a little girl, she can't be going out to bars with men, men who are undoubtably screwing her. She's too young, and she's his sister! No `Nathaniel' is going to be good enough for her!

Orai, noticing her brother's idiotic anger, heads off for her room. She doesn't tell him who Nathaniel is, just mutters that she has homework to be doing. She doesn't.

 

Nathaniel and Orai continued to copulate throughout the months, and during the summer it was almost every day. It wasn't great at first but it got better once they got the hang of it. At any rate they weren't really harming anyone, Helene certainly suffered much less for it. For a while Nathaniel toned down his misogyny, treated Orai a bit more like the person she was. So things went nicely until October, when Orai started missing periods and throwing up in the mornings. At this point Orai had her own apartment, a roach-infested junk-yard of a place paid for by her parents. Because she was living rent-free she used much of her money (which she got from her new job at Holly Cow's) on cigarettes and booze. She never bought a pregnancy test and later when it became obvious enough that she didn't need one, she didn't bother to get insurance and prenatal care. She didn't eat well at all. She was obviously in denial.

As for Nathaniel, he still lived at home, babysitting to earn his keep. He visited Orai every once in a while, and he too ignored the pregnancy until she was waddling under it and something had to be done. By this point July was nearing and neither had told their parents. Their only source of income was Orai's minimum-wage job, not nearly enough to support a baby. Neither were prepared to be parents, especially not to the needy little one they'd be dealing with. They had no idea what to do.

 

“It's okay,” Nathaniel says, pacing around `RaiRai's kitchen. “It's really okay, my brother has a four-year-old and he's doing great. Then again his wife's a fucking neurosurgeon so they have more then enough money…shit…”

Orai is playing with her telephone, trying to ignore the strain of the baby on her back and bladder. “I could call my parents, ask them to send some money…they made a lot off some oil they found…but they're helping my brother Rick and his wife out right now, they just had a little girl…and they gotta pay for my other brother's college education…they offered to pay for me but I didn't take them up on it…” She sighs, puts down the phone. “I have to pee.”

She stands up to do it and while she's gone, Nathaniel grabs her phonebook and the phone, putting in a call to Laurie Danziger. He chooses her rather then Jim, thinking the mother would be less likely to kill him for knocking up her daughter.

The phone rings and Nathaniel clutches it harder, worrying Orai will come out catch him. “C'mon…” he groans. “Pick up…”

Laurie complies, sounding tired and mumbly. “Hullo?”

“Hi,” Nathaniel says briskly, wanting to keep this conversation as short as he possibly can. “You don't know me, so don't go worrying that you do and just forgot or something. You're Mrs…Danziger, right?”

Laurie nods, so theres a bit of a pause before she remembers she's on the phone and can't be seen. Finally she states that yes, she is, and who is this please? She scratches her nose, waiting for a response.

“I…” Bad start, Natty doesn't know how to tell Laurie she's about to have grandkid number two. He could hang up right there and then but Norra…Perdita, ORAI deserved better then that and so did the baby. He didn't want the three of them going homeless like so many others did. And it was way, way to late for any sort of abortion. Could they just abandon the baby? Would RaiRai go for that? Adoption? No…no, in the end this was the only choice he really had, telling this nice old grandma lady (Laurie was only 42 at the time but in Nathaniel's eyes she's ancient) that her baby girl is about to have a baby.

“You…?” Laurie prompts, wanting to get off the phone so she can take Jordan to his long overdue dental appointment. The boy has an obscene amount of cavities and she's got to make sure he gets them fixed.

“I…y'see…my name's Nathaiel…Nathaniel Quiril, and I'm kinda…dating your daughter…?” Lame lame lame lame lame, he knows this. Oh well, if she doesn't start wailing in sorrow for her daughter's lost innocent he can proceed.

“Well that's nice, thanks for introducing yourself sweetie,” Laurie says cheerily. “But if you haven't got anything else to tell me then I'd better go. The dentist is waiting to fix up Jordan's teeth.”

“Well actually, there is something,” he says, heart skipping a beat because he hears the toilet flush, sees Orai coming belly-first out of the bathroom. “I uh…Orai is…she's pregnant and uh…it's kind of my fault and we don't really have a whole lot of money so I was wondering…”

The phone is snatched out of his hands by Orai, who's pissed off and panting hard. “You stupid fuck, I told you we weren't gonna call them!” Then, realizing her mama's listening on the other line, she takes the phone from him and brightly says hello.

“Sweetheart, is what this man is saying true?” Laurie says in measured tones, drumming her fingers on the dining table she's been sitting at. She won't yell, she can't, she'd be a hypocrite. Laurie herself was first pregnant at age nineteen, Orai's age right now. She'd just hoped for better for her daughter, for something more then being one half of a baby factory.

She could make herself get happy about this though; it'd be great to have another grandkid. She'd be glad to help them out, she'd do anything.

“Yes,” says Orai through a sudden slew of tears. She's been crying a lot lately but whether it's the hormones or her circumstances she's not sure. “The baby's due in late July and I don't really know what to do I…I'm scared, I guess. Mama I'm sorry if Nathaniel was rude to you but…” Laurie cuts in and says that no, he was a darlings, what could Orai be talking about?

“Ma don't lie to me. Look, I hate to ask, I really do, but we need the money. Wait—” She shoots a look at Nathaniel, who's grinning like a monkey, so pleased to be right for once. “Sorry Mama,” says Orai, choosing to ignore him for now.

“You know I'm happy to help out any way I can,” says Laurie who doesn't really want to. She's been agonizing over cable bills for weeks now, they're massive. The big payoff from the oil is running out, but she doesn't really have a choice now, does she? This is for her daughter, for her grandbaby. “How much do you need?”

Orai conveys this question to Nathaniel, who names a hue sum that'll have them living like kings for at least a year or so, and Orai repeats it, not realizing how very much it is. “Is that alright Mama?” Orai chirps.

“Yes…sure honey.” Laurie's cowed by the amount but she thinks she can manage it, as well as something else. She hates to think of her grandchild being born in the middle of the city, what with all the crime myths that she takes for truth. At this point she knows Orai wont come back to Texas, but she has friends in upstate New York who are moving soon, Laurie can buy their house for Orai.

She tells her daughter of this plan and Orai's eyes metaphorically pop out of her sockets. “Nathaniel?” she says in a slightly shaky voice, covering the phone with her hand. “How would like a free house in the suburbs where we could raise out baby?”

 

As of late the story hasn't been terribly lacking in dialogue, but I'd like to yet another scene that consists entirely of that. I find it rather fun and I'll admit, it's easier and I'm lazy. And you like their little conversations, don't you? DON'T YOU?! Oh god…okay I'll just…I'll just give you the dialogue and everything will be okay, right? Right.

At this point, Orai has hung up with her mother, and is attempting to discuss the offer reasonable. It's not working, Nathaniel is just fucking pissed and he's ready to tear that baby right out of her gut. You just can't wait for this, can you?

 

“Fuck no! There is no fucking way I'm moving to some rich-ass shit-hole where everyone thinks they're better then us! What the hell are you thinking `Rai, I mean Jesus!”

“It's a gift from my mother, we can't just say no! And besides, don't you think our baby should grow up surrounded by nature instead of a bunch of hideous buildings?”

“Look out the bloody window Perdy, there's trees out there. There's a bird in that tree and if I aim a rock at it it'll die. That's nature and that's what kids do to nature. It's not a good idea.”

“Our baby wouldn't do that!”

“Oh yes he would Orai, you can't just assume he's gonna be perfect.”

“Well you can't assume it'll be a monster! And what makes you think it's a him anyway, what if it's a girl?”

“Oh Jesus Christ Orai…”

“Quit saying my name all the damn time, it's annoying.”

“What do you mean quit saying your name, I'll saying your name all I fucking want! Orai, Orai, Oh-fucking-rai! Besides I thought you wanted me to call you by your name, that's how you let me do you in the first place!”

“Oh just shut up Nathaniel!”

“There, now you're saying my name! If I can't say yours you can't say mine either!”

“Fuck you!”
“Oh real mature.”

“Like you're so growing up, you're still living with your mom and you're mooching off mine! At least I have a fucking job!”

“And if we move to the suburbs you'll lose it!”

“I can get a new one!”

“Well I can get one!”
“Who would hire you?”

“Certainly not anyone in that suburban nightmare land you want us to move to! You know I can't believe you want to live in a place like that, you of all people! Do you want our kid to wind up being a mindless drone! You don't have to think for yourself over there Orai, you've got this perfect little life programmed for you and you don't deviate from that.”

“That's not what I want Nathaniel and you know it, I just want my baby to grow up seeing stars in the sky, like I did, I want her to see that the world is beautiful, not some crime-infested junkyard like the one we live in!”

“How `bout this `Rai, I'll knock his fucking head in, then he'll see stars. We're staying right here Orai and that's final.”

“No, we're moving to Roehab and that's final!”

“That's what this place is called? My god that's a stupid name. It's like rehab with an `o'.”

“Near Bronxville.”

“Shit.”

“Let's go there.”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I'll think about it.”

“Yes!”

 

As it turned out, they did move, but not in time for the kid to be born. They figured they had about a month to get themselves together, it was late June and `Rai wasn't supposed to go into labor `til the end of July. (There was no actual due date because of her total lack of prenatal care.) But Orai was a chain smoker and that had an effect on her baby. He was born instead at the beginning of July, not such a big deal if he weren't so small and weak. Rue's horrific health can't be totally blamed on his mother's habits, but the early delivery and his low birth weight certainly can be.

Anyway the three of them moved into their new home on August 17th, soon after Rue was allowed out of the hospital. His lungs had finally started to work on their own and things were looking up for the little guy. Nathaniel though, was feeling a bitter, inexplicable resentment towards his brand new family, and Orai was pushing for marriage, mainly because all their new neighbors recoiled in shock when she told them she was unmarried with a baby on her hip. Both Orai and Nathaniel despised most of these neighbors, thinking them small-minded and annoying without giving them much chance to prove themselves otherwise. Admittedly some of them were, especially the Bodsnicki clan, which consisted of a yammering bitch-lady and her ten children. Two of them, Chandelier and Navy, (yes those were their names) delighted in vandalizing the neighbor's homes whenever they got the chance.

Other residents of Sandal Street included the Yaleis, a somewhat psychotic family with an eight-year-old who cut himself. His name was Kit, and he would later be of tremendous importance to our little baby Rue. His life would be ruined because of him.

Besides these families there was Luz Quinones, a tottlering old widow who defied the stereotypes of what she was by neither baking cookies for neighborhood children or screaming them off her lawn. She never left the house and rumors circulated that the place was empty and she didn't actually exist. She did.

Lastly there was Sotoko and Gisuke Maeda, a newly wedded couple with a baby girl named Shizuka. Gisuke had recently immigrated to America from Japan, but Sotoko was born here and hated it. Their baby was much larger, healthier, and happier then Rue was, and though RaiRai liked the Maedas well enough, she wanted to kill them for their good fortune.

In spite of the problems they had, Natty and Orai eventually settled into the neighborhood. They made friends with the Maedas and Nathaniel found a kid or two to sodomize. Orai got a job at the local grocery store, and had screamfests when her baby had to go to the hospital for yet another asthma attack or lung infection. Natty babysat for a living. They got married and they were very, very bored.

 

They probably could have stayed this way for the rest of their natural lives, as so many people do. Suburban living is the ultimate goal of millions of American families. For the Quirils, as they were known from 1988 to 1994, it came easily and was largely unwanted. In 1994 they divorced, due to the aforementioned molestation of their little daughter Brei. When Orai walked in on the scene she ran out of the room, got the gun they kept in case of burglars, and shot him in the hand. For a while she stopped breathing, all of them did. She worried that she'd shot the baby. But no, blood only spilled from Nathaniel's hand.

After the shooting Orai pushed her husband out of her house and out of her life for good. Aside from the contact needed to go through with the divorce, they did not speak until May 2004, when Orai wanted to send Rue to live with his father. His eyes had been slashed open by Kit Yalei, now dead due to suicide. This blinded him and left him so depressed that Orai didn't feel she could deal with him. (Also, she hoped Nathaniel would stop him from smoking, which he'd started soon after the attack. Rue didn't buy his own packs and Natty would be too selfish to share with him.) Anyway their only contact after that was regarding Rue, and once Brei when she wanted to visit. Orai only allowed it because she thought Nathaniel had changed. He had, but he'd gotten worse instead of better. He was now a carbon copy of his father and was slowly leading Rue down the same road.

During Brei's single visit to her father's Manhattan apartment, she was raped twice, consecutively, once by Daddy and once by big brother Rue. Rue did it out of fear, and out of a twisted logic that told him it'd be good for her. She would never come back and be hurt again if he hurt her now. Suprisingly, the incest only strengthened their relationship. Brei was unconscious during her second rape, and Rue was beaten soon afterwards, so badly that he could not move. For a while Brei took care of him, as she always had, and then she went home. She was clueless for years.

While Rue felt horrible about what he did, he was dealing with too much at the time to really stand up and face it. He and his sister grew up without talking about it, or much to each other at all, and both eventually became parents. One day Brei and her family, the Ziegelbergs, came to visit Rue during a rather severe illness, the lung cancer that would kill him soon. Staggering to the bathroom for some cough medicine he caught Brei's son William, cutting himself because that was supposed to be cool for some reason. Kit Yalei had cut himself, and Rue belied him to be God. To Rue, William's actions were blasphemy, so he punished the child with rape. Really it was a displaced expression of anger against his Kit, but that's another story, for another time. Brei soon found out and considered taking him to court but she loved him to death and he was dying, she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

As for Orai and Nathaniel, they pretty much continued on as they were. Nathaniel was arrested for the rape of a minor, and when he got out of jail he was so old and useless that he just killed himself. Orai moved back to Texas after Rue's death in 2024. She just didn't want to be in New York after that.

By this point none of those who remained believed in fate. Rue and Nathaniel's respective demises were not originally their fault, neither had chosen the fathers they were born to, and Rue had done nothing to deserve being blind and so sickly, nothing to do deserve what Kit did. But he destroyed himself, didn't try at all to heal. Nathaniel never questions what Eric had taught him.

The girls are relatively happy now. Orai likes Texas and her little grand-nieces and nephews. She'll probably stay their all her life, but this is about as far as my prophetic vision goes. Brei's doing alright, her life now is nice and safe and her story is framed up on the wall. She's written an outline for a novel and is about to start chapter one. Their lives are nothing special, but they're satisfied, they're happy.

They tried.

 

~`~`~

 

Nana: Well there you go. This was written over a year ago but I've only just finished typing it up now. Typing up your own work is one of the most mundane, boring parts of being a writer, which is why lately I tend to just work on the computer. Anyway I hope you liked my fic and I hope you'll leave a review whether you did or you didn't. Thank you for using up your valuable time reading it, this is much appreciated!