Fan Fiction ❯ A MST of "Spider-Man" (A Kim Possible/Spider-Man fusion) (Fanfic by Classic Cowboy) ❯ It's A Consperacy! ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Crow tries to prove something that the Director's Guild of America is in on. Also, the gang tries to see what happens if their favoret cartoon characters got superpowers.

Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 04.17.2005 | Pages: 25 | Words: 15.8K | Visits: 828 | Status: Completed

In the not too distant future,

Somewhere in Time and Space.

Brian Smiley and his robot pals

Are caught in a nasty place.

They try to survive

The students of Pearl,

Nerd Boy Ned and QB Ted.

Because when Brian re-launched

The Satellite into space,

He accidentally burned down

Ms. Forrester's entire place

(BRIAN: I'M SO SORRY!)

“We'll send them cheesy stories.

The worst we can find (La, la, la).

He'll have to sit and watch them all

And we'll monitor his mind (La, la, la).”

Now keep in mind Brian can't control

Where the stories begin or end (La, la, la).

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!

CAMBOT! (ACTION!)

MAGGIE! (Human with cold water!)

GYPSY! (Why couldn't the new guy be Richard Basheart?)

TOM SERVO! (I'm not a talking gumball machine!)

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! (Same as always!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,

And other science facts (La, la, la),

Just repeat to yourself “It's just a show,

I should really just relax.”

For Mystery Science Theatre 3000! (Twang!)

(0… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6)

(SOL, where CROW has a chart that reads `Sin City,' `The Lost World,' And `Chicago' on it. The charts measure how accurate the movies are to the source, with Sin City being the highest and Chicago being the lowest. TOM, MAGGIE, and BRIAN look embarrassed)

BRIAN: Hi and welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Brian Smiley and Crow heard that Robert Rodriquez had to quit the Director's Guild to make Sin City with Frank Millar. Well, seeing that Sin City is one of the few movies closest to the source, he came up with this conspiracy theory that… well, just watch.

TOM: Ok, so you're saying that the DGA is trying to make people love the original source over the original movie?

MAGGIE: And these charts are supposed to prove it?

CROW: Think about it! Rodriquez quit the guild, right?

ALL: Right.

CROW: And Sin City is the closest thing on film to portray the original source, right?

ALL: Right.

CROW: While Chicago, and Michael Criton films are loosely interpreted and pretty much not that good when compared to the original source.

TOM: Yeah, but Chicago won an Oscar for best picture.

BRIAN: I actually agree with Crow on that one. The play was much better.

CROW: SEE! SEE!

BRIAN: But this doesn't prove that the DGA has a conspiracy to make us appreciate the original source.

CROW: Oh yeah? Name me one Michael Criton movie that was better than the book?

(ALL think for a moment)

(Commercial sign)

BRIAN: You have a good point there. We'll be right back.

(BRIAN pushes the button)

(Planet bumper)

(Commercials)

(SOL where GYPSY is taking CROW'S charts away)

CROW: But, c'mon! Why else would they make these movies the way they did?

BRIAN: You're gonna ask my why a city that calls Van Damn movies entertainment and not torture why they make movies based on other sources the way they do?

CROW: Good point.

(MADS light flashes)

BRIAN: That'll have to be it for now, Spellburg, Lucas, and Hitchcock are calling.

(BRIAN taps the light)

(CLASSROOM-13, where NED is dressed in black tights and a pointy cowl, and DAISY looks like the Sharon Stone Catwoman)

(SOL)

BRIAN: What the hell?

CROW: Take out the guy, and you get one of my dreams.

BRIAN: CROW!

TOM: Looks like the Mads are trying their own shot at a movie.

MAGGIE: So we'll get it soon then?

(CLASSROOM-13)

NED: Very funny. Anyway, we're making our own movie of…

(SOL)

BRIAN: Who are you supposed to be?

(CLASSROOM-13)

NED (Trying to sound macho, but sounding like he just hit puberty): I'm Batman!

(SOL, ALL are laughing hysterically)

(CLASSROOM-13)

DAISY: We'll ignore that. Anyway, we're making our own budget version of the Hush saga from the Batman books.

(SOL)

TOM: Wait, if you're Catwoman, wouldn't make better sense for Ted to be Batman?

(CLASSROOM-13)

DAISY: Yes, but there's something about him in bandages that after shooting is done that…

(SOL)

ALL: TMI! TMI! TMI!

(CLASSROOM-13)

NED: Anyway, we're ready for your scene Ted. Ted?

(A muffled sound replies off screen)

NED: Ted? It's your scene.

(QB TED appears covered in bandages dressed as Hush, complete with a trench coat, but is making a motion that he's trying to rip the bandages off)

DAISY: Awwwwww, you did it too tight again, huh honey?

(QB TED nods in response)

NED: While we loosen our thespian's bandages, you four will get a dandy of a Kim Possible fic that has to do with comic book movies. It's simply called “Spider-Man.” Enjoy.

(SOL)

TOM: Spider-Man? No fusion name like Kim-Spider or Spider-Ron?

CROW: This isn't a good sign.

(Lights go off)

BRIAN: NETHER IS THIS! WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1)

(Theatre. ALL take their seats)

BRIAN: Let's hope they don't find a Brandy and Mr. Whiskers/Sin City crossover.

MAGGIE: Don't give them any ideas.

Who am I?

CROW: Will our mystery guest sign in please?

You sure you want to know?

ALL: No.

I said it before,

BRIAN (Narrator): And I'll say it again.

but this time … I really mean it.

MAGGIE: As opposed to last time?
BRIAN: Phantom narrators are fickle that way.

If someone said I was just your typical ordinary guy without a care in the world

… someone lied.

TOM (Narrator, Austrian accent): I am the Govenator.

I used to be in the shadows of a real hero,

CROW (Narrator): Until I realized that it was a bad hiding place.

one who could do anything,

BRIAN: Could she do magic?

but then fate should have it that I should step out of that shadow on my own.

TOM (Narrator): Within 5 minutes, I wanted my mommy.

I miss being the faceless sidekick, but even as a real hero I still remain

faceless.

MAGGIE: Thus saving the bad guys and good guys from having nightmares.

BRIAN (Hero): That… thing… IT WAS HIDIOUS!

Still want to know who I am?

ALL: No.

Here's my story …

BRIAN: Of a lovely la…

TOM: NO!

BRIAN: Sorry.

SPIDER-MAN

MAGGIE (Singing): Doing what…

CROW: NO!

MAGGIE: Right.

"Marshmallows on hot dogs? KP, I showed that to you!" Ron cursed under his breath

CROW: Thus causing the Middleton Bulldogs, Chicago Cubs, and the Boston Red Sox another season.

TOM: All at once too.

as he watched Kim and Mankey outside her door.

MAGGIE: Kim, the time has come for you to discover the restraining order.

'Kim Possible, I told you to stay put while I went for that plant, but nooo, you have to have a date with the pretty boy, didn't you?' Ron thought as he watched them talking and laughing together.

CROW: What?

TOM: Heh, heh, trust us folks, something happened here.

Ron had risked his life traveling to the Amazon to find the plant that would reverse what Drakken had done to her.

BRIAN: I'll be damn, something did happen.

MAGGIE: But that would mean that the author has a sense of continuity.

BRIAN: Then what the hell is he doing wasting that intelligence writing a KP fic?

Every time she got embarrassed she would slowly start to fade from existence.

CROW (Dr. Emmet Brown): Erased from existence.

When he got back instead of Kim being in the safety of her room, he found her

TOM: Bungee jumping?
MAGGIE: Playing bumper cars without a bumper?
BRIAN: Drinking with friends?

CROW: On a street corner?

BRIAN: CROW!

on a date with Josh Mankey, and almost completely faded away.

CROW: DAMN YOU RON!

BRIAN: You wanted Kim to completely vanish?
CROW: Shorter story.

BRIAN: Ah.

Now here he sat less then three feet away from his best friend and the Monkey Boy.

TOM: Ron is sitting with Ron?

BRIAN: I think it's because Mankey sounds a bit like Monkey.

TOM: Ah.

'As soon as Mankey's gone, KP, ooooh are you going to get it!'

(BRIAN grabs CROW'S beak shut)

Ron's world felt like it stood still as Josh quickly moved in and pressed

TOM: His luck?
MAGGIE: The button?

BRIAN: Against the wall?

CROW: Her buttons?
BRIAN: CROW!

his lips to Kim's. "No …" Ron muttered before dropping the lifesaving plant and its pot on the ground and silently and quickly left the bushes away from their line of sight.

TOM: Thus doming his friend, the end.

BRIAN: It's never that easy.

TOM: Awwwwwww.

Kim blushed as Josh pulled away. She quickly thanked him for the wonderful time and waved as he left.

BRIAN: DO THE WAVE!

(ALL bob up and down, doing the wave)

She entered the house for a moment before stepping back

CROW: Two steps forward.

TOM: Two steps back.

outside and turned to the bush, "He's gone, Ron, you can come out now." Kim whispered into the bushes.

MAGGIE (Mrs. Possible): Honey, Kim's talking to the shrubbery again.

BRIAN (Mr. Possible): I'll call the shrink.

"Ron? Hey Ron you fall asleep or something?" She asked,

ALL: Or something.

creeping into the bushes. "Ron?" she asked as she picked up the overturned plant, "Where'd you

go?"

BRIAN & MAGGIE (Singing): Where in the world is, HUH, R…

BOTS: NO!

BRIAN & MAGGIE (Hanging their heads in shame): Awwwwwwwww.

---

MAGGIE: What the…?

BRIAN: I think that's the trail to follow Ron.

Ron ran in no general direction and quickly found himself all the way into downtown Middleton.

BRIAN: See?

"Why do I feel this way?"

TOM: It's called a plot.

Ron asked himself as he kicked a can on the sidewalk. "Kim's happy so I should be happy for her… right?"

ALL: Wrong.

The sound of a burglar alarm broke Ron's musing and he turned to the jewelry story a few blocks down. "Well, I am in my mission stuff …" Ron shrugged as he ran toward the building.

CROW (Mrs. Stoppable): WAIT! YOUR BULLETPROOF…

TOM: BANG!

CROW (Mrs. Stoppable): Uh… never mind.

Ron saw a figure on the roof and fired his grappling hook to pull himself to the roof and slowly started to ease up behind her.

CROW: So much for stalking Kim.

MAGGIE (Kim): What does she have that I don't?

(BRIAN grabs CROW'S beak shut)

"Hmmm, this necklace will be perfect for my first day at the new school …" The girl purred looking into her bag of 'goodies'

TOM: Purred?

CROW: WOOOOOOOOO!

BRIAN: What?

CROW: The Black Cat! Ohboyohboyohboy, I hope they keep the fact that she's a sex pot and reforms eventually after going into a mental institution.

BRIAN: Ah. Oh, and Crow?

CROW: Yes?
BRIAN: FANBOY! FANBOY! FANBOY!

"If you like it so much, why don't you get a nice guy to buy it for you?" Ron said, surprising himself with his boldness.

BRIAN (Ron): AHHHHHH! Oh, that was me.

Ron was answered by a swift kick to the face, sending him hard on his back.

CROW (Ron): OW! BACK SPASUM! CAN'T FIGHT!

Ron held his jaw and as the stars eased he was shocked at the breath taking sight. There stood a girl who appeared around his age. She was in a black skin-tight leather body suit, with the V of the white fluffy neck cut almost to her belly button, and a black collar around her neck. Her body was the curviest of any he had ever seen and a bust that made Bonnie look flat chested.

MAGGIE: Oh, who would go for that?

(CROW is drooling)
MAGGIE: Ok… why aren't you?

BRIAN: Don't you still have your Black C…

MAGGIE: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

BRIAN: They why would I drool at a mental image of somebody in a suit when…

MAGGIE: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

BOTS: TMI! TMI!

"Oh, you surprised me …" She purred, turning her crystal blue eyes on him, and brushed

some of her long silver hair from her masked face.

CROW: I heard that if you see something so scary, your hair goes grey from the fear.

BRIAN: What does that have to do with Ron?

CROW: Absolutely nothing.

TOM: Ouch.

She slinked over to him and squatted down to sit on his waist, "Ron Stoppable?

MAGGIE: No princess, its Moe with a blonde dye job.

ALL (Bill Engval): Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's your sign.

I've read about you and your girlfriend in the paper,

MAGGIE (Black Cat): Is it true that you gave birth to a three headed Elvis?
BRIAN (Ron): Damn tabloids.

She murmured leaning forward giving Ron a clean shot down her cleavage, "You're a lot cuter in

person…

TOM: Ok, I question the judgment of Felicia Harding.

CROW: Hey, give her a break. She was in a mental institution.

BRIAN: Fanboy.

I'm Black Cat."

She slid back to where their pelvises were touching and smiled as she licked her black lips, "Looks like you like me … wanna pet the pussy?"

CROW: Oh… sweet… God… no.

TOM: The Mads aren't that evil, are they?! ARE THEY?!
(TOM'S head starts to shake)

BRIAN: Let's not jump to conclusions!

MAGGIE: JUMP IS THE WRONG CHOICE OF WORDS!

ALL (Panicking): Don'tbealemon,don'tbealemon,don'tbealemon…

She turned her head at the sound of sirens coming their way. "Awe, they always spoil my fun …"

ALL (Relived): Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…

She pouted, before turning down to the stunned hero, and leaned forward to give him a hard French kiss.

BRIAN: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TOM: MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU STUPID FIC! ARE YOU A LEMON OR NOT?!

(TOM'S shaking gets worse)
CROW: I hope she's being her sex pot self.

MAGGIE: Fanboy.

She pulled back and stood, throwing her bag over her shoulder,

CROW: CRACK!

TOM (Black Cat): OW, MY SHOULDER!

"See ya around, handsome."

BRIAN: So… she was deemed cured by the men in white?

CROW: Yep.

BRIAN: I question their judgment.

And with that she escaped along the rooftops.

BRIAN: And somewhere out there, Ranma cried “Wanna be.”

Ron watched after her in awe before finally he become vocal again, "B-Booyah!"

(ALL re-read that last word)
MAGGIE: This isn't setting up a…

BRIAN: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't jinx it!

CROW: But he…

BRIAN: SHHHHHHHHHH!

TOM: B…

BRIAN: NO!

---

CROW: At least this fic knows its lines.

(BRIAN, MAGGIE, and TOM groan at CROW'S bad pun)

Ron eyes slowly fluttered open and he glanced around at Lake Middleton and the bright sun slowly rising. "I must have fallen asleep out here,"

TOM: But wouldn't a cop arrest him for being drunk?

BRIAN (Cop): Alright rummy, off the bench.

CROW (Ron): But ocifur… I was seduced buy a caaaaaaaaaat woman wannannanna be.

BRIAN (Cop): Right, and I pretend to be in a costume with a flying rodent on his chest.

Ron said stretching, but froze in mid stretch and glanced quickly at his watch. "CRAP I'M LATE!"

MAGGIE: He's pregnant?

BRIAN: I had no idea!

TOM: This is where protection comes in kids.

CROW: Don't be like Ron.

Ron called and took a mad dash toward School.

CROW: WATCH OUT FOR THE INCOMING…

TOM: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

BRIAN: CRASH!

CROW: …bus.

He ran as fast as he could,

BRIAN: As a little old lady passed him by.

he'd already missed the morning classes and it was time for lunch. He wasn't that worried, he usually slept through the classes anyway,

MAGGIE: Then he missed his afternoon nap then.

TOM: I hear goofy sidekicks can be cranky if they do that.

BRIAN: So then I take it Jason Todd never slept?

CROW: Isn't he taking a nap 6-feet und…

BRIAN: He woke up.

CROW: And DC wonders why they're in a slump?

his mom is used to him staying out late on missions with Kim, and Kim probably was too preoccupied with the Monkey to even notice his absence.

CROW: Well, you try to keep your mind on other things when something's flinging poop at you.

Ron made it into the school without Mr. Barkin's notice, and let a sigh of relief when he made it to his locker.

TOM (Barkin): I HEARD THAT!

BRIAN (Ron): DAMN!

He got his books out and turned to go to the cafeteria when an almost ear splitting squeal caused him to almost jump out of his skin.

MAGGIE (Student): AHHHHHHHHH! AKANE'S COOKING!

BRIAN (Student): You can tell?

He spun to see what was the cause of the noise that seemed to attract everyone else in the hallway's attention, when he felt something hit him hard in the chest with such force he had to back peddle three steps to keep from falling backwards.

CROW: Too bad he didn't see that opened manhole.

"Ron you … you … you idiot!!" Kim cursed

BRIAN: Kim Possible shall be played tonight by Ren Hoik.

as she gave him a death grip hug

MAGGIE: Or Elmyra Duff.

CROW: Why doesn't he just give him an Amazon Glomp hug?

BRIAN: Do you honestly want to see a scene were Ron gets groped?

CROW: Never mind.

and nuzzled her face into his neck and shoulder. "Ron, I was so worried …"

TOM (Ron): But I was heading home when I got directions from a kid in a bandana…

CROW (Kim): Say no more.

"Kim I …" Ron started, but grew speechless when he realized she was crying.

MAGGIE: Thus making us grateful for Kim.

"I knew you were there … but then … you wasn't

BRIAN: Guys, do to the obvious, you think we can forgive her for the bad grammar?
BOTS: No.

BRIAN: Just checking.

and I … I called your house …"

TOM (Singing): When I'm calling yooooooooooooooooooou!

Kim sobbed into his shoulder almost in hysterics, "Your mom … mom said you …

BRIAN (Kim): Gave her the finger and moved out.

said she thought you were with me … but I didn't know … You weren't no where to be found …

BOTS (Singing): Where's Stoppable? A-Where's Stoppable? A-Where's Stoppable?

BRIAN & MAGGIE (Singing): There he is.

Wade couldn't … I looked all night … he said something was wrong with

your GPS chip …

MAGGIE: It was left in the off position.

BRIAN: D'HO!

ALL: Waw, waw, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw.

told me what happened … I didn't know where you were … if you

were hurt … I didn't know what to do!"

CROW: So, she was worried about him?

BRIAN: Yep.

"Kim, I'm ok, see? I'm ok," Ron said holding the trembling girl.

TOM: Don't nobody worry about him.

But as soon as he made contact she pulled back and brought a trembling hand to his face.

"Ron I haven't been that scared since last Christmas,

CROW: What?

BRIAN: Uh… something happened here.

TOM: What?

BRIAN: I don't know.

MAGGIE: It'd help if we did.

BRIAN: Really?

MAGGIE: No.

please, please never do that to me again, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you…

CROW: Avoid being in fanfics like this?

BRIAN: We're not that lucky.

You're my best friend."

CROW: With ben…

BRIAN: CROW!

She confessed, adding the last bit quickly.

"Sorry," Ron said sheepishly with a bright blush.

"It's ok now …" Kim said wiping her eyes, "Now where WERE you?"

TOM (Ron): The library.

MAGGIE (Kim): Be serious.

"Heehee … fell asleep in the park …" Ron said fearfully.

BRIAN: Kids, alcohol is not your friend.

MAGGIE: Nor is the cop with the stick telling you to get off the bench.

Kim's eyes flashed dangerously,

TOM (Robot from Lost in Space): DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBERTSON!

and her mouth opened to retort when another voice cut into their conversation.

CROW: And those other voices are very sharp.

TOM: Nearly cut a hand off on one.

"Oh my, it's Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable in the flesh!" a feminine voice called,

BRIAN: As opposed to what?

CROW: Stuffing?

TOM: Print?

MAGGIE: Steel?

and the duo turned to see an attractive girl their age, with long flowing curled silver hair,

bright blue eyes, and dressed in a mini-skirt that showed off her long tanned legs, and a tight sweater that showed her curves. She walked up to the two swinging her hips

(CROW makes drum noises that match her walking)

and stopped before them, looking Ron up and down.

BRIAN: A mental institution you say?

CROW: Yep.

"Hi there," She purred, smiling with rose-colored lips.

"Yeah, that's us," Kim said, stepping between her friend and the girl. "And you are?"

"Hardy," The girl said challengingly,

BRIAN: Hey, where's Nanc…

TOM: NO!

BRIAN: Ok.

"Felicia Hardy, I just transferred to Middleton High when I moved here. Nice to meet you." She said unconvincingly.

"So are you two a couple like the tabloids say?" Felicia asked with a raised eyebrow.

MAGGIE (Kim): Yep. We have our three headed baby at home.

Kim opened her mouth to reply but Ron beat her to it. "No, she's with Josh Mankey." He said, and Felicia didn't miss the hurt look that crossed Kim's eyes.

CROW (Kim's eyes): THE LIGHT! BLINDING!

"We just went on our first date," Kim said softly. "We're not necessarily

'together'."

TOM: Then it'd be two friends out to see the movies, wouldn't it?

Ron just shrugged, "Close enough."

"Ron …" Kim started but the intruder cut her off again.

"Well you're single though, aren't you, Ronnie?" Felicia purred.

TOM: A nut house, huh?

CROW: Pretty much.

"Ronnie?" Kim hissed, her eyes flashing with rage.

BRIAN: Suddenly… they grew 7 feet and turned green!

TOM: Kim's eyes are… The Incredible Hulk!

"Have we met somewhere before?" Ron asked, narrowing his eyes on the new girl.

CROW: Not even there for five minutes and he's already delivering bad date lines.

BRIAN: Note that he's asking a mental patient.

MAGGIE: It's Ron, he's gotta be that desperate by now.

TOM: When hasn't he?

"No, not to my knowledge," Felicia flashed him a grin, "Maybe we're just meant to meet. Like destiny or something."

ALL: Or something.

She said flirtily, causing Kim to snort.

TOM: SUIE! SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"Hmm, maybe," Ron shrugged his shoulders earning a death glare from Kim.

BRIAN: Here lies Ronald Stoppable.

MAGGIE: He died a stupid stupid stupid man.

"So, do you want to go out to eat after school, Ron?" Felicia asked sultrily as she moved a little closer,

TOM: Causing him to go clusterphobic.

"We can go anywhere you want then we can go back to my place and give each other a nice creamy desert."

CROW (Ron): Whipped cream on you?
BRIAN: CROW!

Ron started to reply when Kim grabbed his arm, "Sorry, Felicia, but Ron and I have … hero stuff to do after school plus cheerleading practice. Maybe some other time."

CROW: And when he can afford it.

BRIAN: CROW!

"I was a cheerleader too at my old school, Mr. Barkin said he'd give me a late try out," Felicia beamed at the pair, not noticing or ignoring Kim's glare,

BRIAN: Is it just me, or was Kim out of character?

MAGGIE: This is one of those “She's just jealous because she's harboring feelings for the sidekick” stories.

BRIAN: Oh yeah.

"think I can make it?"

ALL: No.

"Doubt it," Kim snorted, "Nice meeting you, don't get lost." She said, dragging

Ron to the cafeteria.

TOM: That means avoid anybody with an umbrella.

"Kim, that was way rude of you back there," Ron scolded when they got closer to

the cafeteria. "She was just being nice."

(ALL make suggestive coughs)

"Oh yeah, real nice," Kim huffed, "if I didn't get you away from her then, she

would have probably started to hump your leg!"

BRIAN: That's when you get out the house.

CROW (Kim): BAD! BAD CAT BERGLER! NO TREAT!

"And what's so wrong with that?" Ron asked, causing her to turn to him in shock,

"You don't see me complain when Josh slobbers all over you!"

TOM: Ok, this is where the brain is supposed to go “You're gonna die if you don't shut up.”

BRIAN: This is Ron, remember?

TOM: How stupid of me.

"Oh so not the drama, Ron!" Kim rolled her eyes, "You know Josh isn't like that!"

CROW (Kim): He has to pay me first.

BRIAN: CROW!

"Guys are guys, KP," Ron held up a finger, "They all want one thing, and one

thing only. And we both know what that is, I hope."

BRIAN: YU GI OH CARDS!

(BOTS and MAGGIE look at BRIAN)

BRIAN: What? I'm kidding.

BOTS: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.

MAGGIE: Right.

"Well, you're a guy too, you know?" Kim snapped, getting right back in his face.

CROW: This could get ugly.

BRIAN: Uglier in this case.

"Tell that to the damn year book!" Ron said pulling it out form under his arm

MAGGIE (Kim): Mr. Year Book, he's a guy.

and flipped to the page that was in half of the handed out books last year before it was discovered and fixed. Under his picture in the back was 'Most Likely To Have A Sex Change'.

TOM: Jeez, those year books are getting brutal every year.

BRIAN: I don't know, sometimes their right on the money. I was voted “Most likely forced to watch cheesy movies and bad fanfics with two robots and an android that looks like an anime character.”

MAGGIE: Brutal, but very accurate.

Before Kim could retort the ground fell out from under them and the two teens

screamed as they flew down a long tub.

BRIAN (Ron): I just know they're gonna probe my anus.

Kim landed gracefully on her feet while Ron plowed into the far wall of the Global Justice underground Headquarters.

TOM: Snapping his neck, the end.

MAGGIE: Wishful thinking buddy.

"Sorry for the inconvenience, Kim, Ron," Dr. Director said, stepping up to the two in the carved out fortress' hallway.

"It's no big, Doctor," Kim smiled, flashing Ron a small glare, "we were just

having a 'conversation'."

ALL: Cat fight.

"I see," Dr. Director said, turning and walking toward her office. The three

walked inside, and Ron instantly noticed a empty glass aquarium.

"Cool, what's in the cage?" Ron asked, looking the cage over.

"Oh that?" Dr. Director asked, turning her one eye on the glass cage, "That's

just the genetics department's latest little specimen. A genetically engineered

spider with abilities of all known species."

"Why did they do that? Wouldn't that be a bit dangerous?" Kim asked, while Ron

examined the cage.

MAGGIE (Dr. Director): We just love wasting tax payer's money.

"They wanted a perfect antidote to all spider venom, unfortunately the mixing of

genes negated all poisons and removed all venom glands," Dr. Director said

shaking her head,

CROW: So then wouldn't the mixed formula be that antidote they're looking for?

BRIAN: Don't try to even look for logic in this.

"It's harmless."

"Cool!" Ron said, as he looked around the aquarium for the arachnid.

"I didn't call you down here to see my new pet," Dr. Director said, "I called

you to warn you of a cat burglar that has been sighted in the Middleton area.

Her real name is unknown but she goes by the name

TOM: Stacy?

MAGGIE: Kate?
BRIAN: Carrie?

CROW: Sue?

TOM: Chief?

CROW: McCloud!

Black Cat."

ALL: Oh.

"Awe, there's the lil guy!" Ron cooed, ignoring the conversation, "He's a pretty

fella, all red and blue … neat! Wanna climb on my finger, lil guy?" Ron said as

the small bug crawled toward his hand inside its cage.

BRIAN: And yet monkeys scare him.

BOTS: Fanboy.

"That's it … I won't hurt you …"

CROW (Ron): Much.

Ron whispered as it stared at the hand. Suddenly the spider dove at the

intruding appendage and bit hard into the flesh of the side of his hand. A

non-venomous fluid flew from the spider's fangs into his skin, moving rapidly

where the remaining of the monkey magic remained.

Ron jumped back and cradled his hand against, "Ow!" Ron cried out, "The thing

bit me!"

MAGGIE (Kim): Oh, it's just a spider.

BRIAN: An old lady said that in Arachnophobia, and look what happened to her husband.

"So not the drama, Ron," Kim chuckled, "It's just a spider bite." She then

turned to Dr. Director again, "We'll keep an eye out for her, Doctor, thanks for

the heads up."

CROW: Heads up…

ALL: SEVEN UP!

"Be careful with her, Kim, she's dangerous," Dr. Director warned, "You know the

way out correct? Good day to the both of you."

MAGGIE (Dr. Director): And don't come back.

Kim and Ron exited through the elevator that took them closest to their homes.

They started walking home when Ron stopped and leaned against a tree. "You ok,

Ron?" Kim asked, her emerald eyes shimmering with concern.

"I don't feel so good …" Ron said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

BRIAN: See, see! Told ya.

"I haven't felt this funny since that time with the monkey statues Monkey Fist set up …"

TOM (`50's narrator): When puberty hits you, it can be a very painful and awkward experience.

"You do feel like you have a fever …" Kim said holding the back of her hand to

his clammy forehead. "Lets get you home."

CROW: Where the heart is.

She said helping him stand upright,

TOM (Ron drunk): Sthankyou Kim. I-I loved you, and I alwaysed loved you.

"You might have caught something sleeping outside last night."

Kim helped him to his house, and was quickly met by his parents.

BRIAN: Who were ready to kill him on sight.

"He fell asleep at the park last night," Kim answered the obvious first question,

MAGGIE: After using a life line.

"He's not feeling well, so lets get him to his room so he can rest."

CROW (Ron): Can Kim be the nurse?

BRIAN: CROW!

Ben and May Stoppable looked at each other worriedly as Kim helped Ron up to his room.

TOM (Ben struggling): Ugh. Son, lay off the chips.

She eased him down on to the mattress and pulled Rufus

CROW: At least she thinks that's Rufus.

BRIAN: CROW!

from his pocket and placed him in his cage.

BRIAN (Rufus): ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

She then went about systematically pulling off his jersey

TOM: Are we sure this isn't a lemon?

CROW: This has all the signs.

BRIAN: Guys, just because she's taking off his shirt, the very descriptive info on what the Black Cat's costume looks like, references to humping, and Kim putting her hands in his pockets doesn't mean it's a lemon.

MAGGIE: You're scared, aren't you?

BRIAN: Very much so, yes.

and shoes with gentle slow actions so not to wake the already sleeping teenager.

BRIAN (Ron waking up): FOOTBALL PRACTICE!

She gently lifted each of his legs and stuck them under his unmade bed sheets and pulled the sheets and a blanket up to the now shivering boy's chest and tucked him in while murmuring soothing words to him.

TOM: Shouldn't she take him to the hospital if he's like this?

BRIAN: Tom…

TOM: Right, no logic.

"Get to feeling better, Tiger," Kim whispered to the sleeping boy,

CROW: Gee, lets see, who's Kim supposed to be?

TOM: Gwen Stacy?

(ALL look at TOM)

TOM: What?

BRIAN: Wrong girlfriend.

before on instinct moving in to give him a quick gentle kiss on the lips as Josh had done to her the night before. "Talk to you when you wake up…" she whispered blushing scarlet, before reluctantly exiting the bedroom, turning out the light on her way out.

MAGGIE (Kim after turning off the light): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TOM: CRASH!

MAGGIE (Kim): Damn…

CROW: WHAM!

MAGGIE (Kim): Stairs!

To Be Continued …

BRIAN: Note the lack of excitement.

Disclaimer:

CROW: Do not read before operating heavy machinery. If read while pregnant, please consult your local physician. By reading said fanfic, you are here by advocating legal responsibility for any medial and mental conditions.

TOM: Void where prohibited, Kim Possible fanfic reading restricted by law.

BRIAN: If copied without permission, consult your local psychiatrist.

Spider-Man, Black Cat, and all characters related are property of Stan Lee and Marvel Enterprises.

BRIAN: Thank the lord for that one.

Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, and Global Justice are properties of Disney.

CROW: And Satan had something to do with that one.

TOM: What makes you say that?

CROW: It's Disney.

TOM: Oh.

A/N: Just to let you all know, Metal Gear Red Fox has been postponed temporarily.

MAGGIE: And we care, why?

I saw Spider-Man 2 last night and just couldn't resist,

ALL: Why not?

and didn't want to wait and find someone else has put Ron in the red and blue tights.

BRIAN: It scares me that there are others that are thinking of that.

I have a reputation to uphold but this I think will be the most fun fic I've written. Only Spider-Man can have humor and angst at the same time.

TOM: What about anime?

BRIAN: Yeah!

Anyway, enjoy the first chapter and don't forget to review!

ALL: Do we count?

(ALL exit)

(SOL)

(ALL have their comic books out and look like they're thinking)

BRIAN: Ok guys, apparently Kim Possible and Spider-Man have fused to make what we just saw, so what other cartoon characters would work with other comic book characters?

TOM: Well, personally I would think The Mask and Futurama would work because it'd be fun to see what would happen if Dr. Zoiburg got the mask. Would he eat it, or put it on and create wacky mad cap high jinks while trying to become a comedian and stopping crime?

CROW: Well, we saw what would happen if the Family Guy got super powers, but one thing I'd like to see is what would happen if the American Dad raised Kal-El from the minute he lands. GOVERNMENT MAN! Faster than a speedy veto, more powerful than a motorcade! Able to turn the terror alert from red to orange in a single paranoid bound!

MAGGIE: Well, I would like to see what would happen if the American Dragon Jake Long were bombarded with gamma rays. The Incredible Dragon! Whenever Jake gets angry, he morphs into a giant dragon that speaks stereotypical Aisin American with street slang and knowing how to lay the beats down!

BRIAN: Well, Disney's half way there with that one. As for me, I'd like to see The Simplistic Simpsons! Invisible Mom, with the ability to nag with out being scene. The Bulk, with the strongest and most hideous gut known to man. The Human Pyro, with the ability to burn “El Barto” in cement. And Ms. Know It All, with the ability to stretch and the smartest of the 3.

CROW: What about the baby?

BRIAN: Oh, well, she'd have her powers dormant until the comic book company decides to higher hot creators and use both her and a giant mega villain/crossover just as an excuse to reboot the books for 13 issues.

ALL: Oh.

(Commercial sign flashes)

BRIAN: Speaking of Onslaughts, that's the commercial sign. We'll be right back.

(BRIAN taps the light)

(Planet Bumper)

(Commercials)