Fan Fiction ❯ Band-Aids ❯ Much to be Missed ( Chapter 5 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Kuroshi 
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Supernatural / Sci-fi / Psychological / / Fantasy / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.05.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 759 | Visits: 155 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Supernatural / Sci-fi / Psychological / / Fantasy / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.05.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 759 | Visits: 155 | Status: Completed
This, she hadn't expected. The one halfway sane thought that broke through the numerous insane barriers in her mind was that her corpse wouldn't be found. It would be just another roadblock in the many busy people's lives.
In a best-case scenario in her mind, her body would be swept into a garbage bag and hauled off to the landfill without a second thought by whoever did the deed. And then, maybe the newspaper photographer would notice the surreal-colored blood without really knowing what it was, and come and take an award-winning picture of her blood splattered everywhere, and title it something like "Captivating Patterns from Nature on a Cold Evening" and slap it on the front page for poets to gain inspiring thoughts from, then they'd write an award-winning poem and be awarded thousands of dollars and get famous from her own self-obliteration. Little would they know, if that ever happened.
So many hypothetical possibilities could branch from this; However, Azrael could change the part about her corpse. It was likely though, that the photographer could still start the chain reaction deal from this. No matter now.
But seeing a familliar face was relieving in a way; something she couldn't understand why it calmed her. But when this screen before her turned to her twisted, mangled corpse with limbs stuck at unnatural angles, and bones protruding here and there, she would've been a bit disturbed at this, had she not thought this was a beautiful act of death.
The familiar look of content crosses her face, eyes growing to a soft, misty gray one might see if they were looking at her in the light given off the screen. The way she looked so relaxed, as her face was illuminated. If they looked past the lost, confused, barely-adult person that sat there. If they didn't know what she'd done, what she could've done if she'd lived, her numerous instabilities, the doubt, the constant pressure from here and there, the intolerance to humanity, the screaming depression that but two knew about, however slight the knowledge was; they might've seen a vulnerable 19 and a half year old girl, struggling with herself. The world was a big place, and she was fearless towards it. It wasn't just a good front put up to show people she could be a strong woman. It was fact, pure and simple. But her nagging conscience always reminded her of things that made her weak, and finally, somebody other than herself had reminded her yet again, and she couldn't take it anymore. It was too much, the world was.
She was at peace for the moment, seeing death; Facing it physically. Death of others, the blood, bones; seeing the inside turn outward...That was her art; her forte; her medicine above depression. It made her feel an indestructable power, that she was in control of their lives. She could've let them live, but she didn't. But she took this pleasure away from herself. Longing for another game of life pulled her into remorse that she ever destroyed herself. She wanted back now.
Thoughts of Carrie and Mindy, and her other friends back at the White Rabbit came flooding back, and then desparation. It was unfair of her to leave them all. Perhaps they'd move on, seeing as they had each other...But herself? They were the only ones she had. She'd be alone again in whatever place the alpha and omega forces had in store for her. All alone, once again; like she had been for years before finally entering that night bar down the street from her loft, of which was burned down only two weeks ago.
So much was to be missed, although the reasons were fewer than her reasons to die. They meant more. They were less self-oriented on her own mind.
I was so stupid...It was stupid of me to jump...But was it really my fault? I don't remember climbing the scaffold...I don't remember much anything after I shifted into fox form and ran from the bar. I wasn't in my right mind. But something triggered this.
Neo did, you idiot. Now you must take your vengence. Don't just stand there, fight back! Rebel against death and get back! Sweet, sweet revenge can be yours. GET YOUR ASS UP KUROSHI AKIRA LI, AND LET'S GO.
Yes. YES. I must come back...It's imperative I am alive...Neo can't ridicule my self-obliteration and laugh. I have too much pride. Too much to get back for.
Now, how to get out...
In a best-case scenario in her mind, her body would be swept into a garbage bag and hauled off to the landfill without a second thought by whoever did the deed. And then, maybe the newspaper photographer would notice the surreal-colored blood without really knowing what it was, and come and take an award-winning picture of her blood splattered everywhere, and title it something like "Captivating Patterns from Nature on a Cold Evening" and slap it on the front page for poets to gain inspiring thoughts from, then they'd write an award-winning poem and be awarded thousands of dollars and get famous from her own self-obliteration. Little would they know, if that ever happened.
So many hypothetical possibilities could branch from this; However, Azrael could change the part about her corpse. It was likely though, that the photographer could still start the chain reaction deal from this. No matter now.
But seeing a familliar face was relieving in a way; something she couldn't understand why it calmed her. But when this screen before her turned to her twisted, mangled corpse with limbs stuck at unnatural angles, and bones protruding here and there, she would've been a bit disturbed at this, had she not thought this was a beautiful act of death.
The familiar look of content crosses her face, eyes growing to a soft, misty gray one might see if they were looking at her in the light given off the screen. The way she looked so relaxed, as her face was illuminated. If they looked past the lost, confused, barely-adult person that sat there. If they didn't know what she'd done, what she could've done if she'd lived, her numerous instabilities, the doubt, the constant pressure from here and there, the intolerance to humanity, the screaming depression that but two knew about, however slight the knowledge was; they might've seen a vulnerable 19 and a half year old girl, struggling with herself. The world was a big place, and she was fearless towards it. It wasn't just a good front put up to show people she could be a strong woman. It was fact, pure and simple. But her nagging conscience always reminded her of things that made her weak, and finally, somebody other than herself had reminded her yet again, and she couldn't take it anymore. It was too much, the world was.
She was at peace for the moment, seeing death; Facing it physically. Death of others, the blood, bones; seeing the inside turn outward...That was her art; her forte; her medicine above depression. It made her feel an indestructable power, that she was in control of their lives. She could've let them live, but she didn't. But she took this pleasure away from herself. Longing for another game of life pulled her into remorse that she ever destroyed herself. She wanted back now.
Thoughts of Carrie and Mindy, and her other friends back at the White Rabbit came flooding back, and then desparation. It was unfair of her to leave them all. Perhaps they'd move on, seeing as they had each other...But herself? They were the only ones she had. She'd be alone again in whatever place the alpha and omega forces had in store for her. All alone, once again; like she had been for years before finally entering that night bar down the street from her loft, of which was burned down only two weeks ago.
So much was to be missed, although the reasons were fewer than her reasons to die. They meant more. They were less self-oriented on her own mind.
I was so stupid...It was stupid of me to jump...But was it really my fault? I don't remember climbing the scaffold...I don't remember much anything after I shifted into fox form and ran from the bar. I wasn't in my right mind. But something triggered this.
Neo did, you idiot. Now you must take your vengence. Don't just stand there, fight back! Rebel against death and get back! Sweet, sweet revenge can be yours. GET YOUR ASS UP KUROSHI AKIRA LI, AND LET'S GO.
Yes. YES. I must come back...It's imperative I am alive...Neo can't ridicule my self-obliteration and laugh. I have too much pride. Too much to get back for.
Now, how to get out...