Fan Fiction ❯ Band-Aids ❯ Can't Cry ( Chapter 6 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

So much to do, yet so little. She didn't even think about what she was doing. This whole notion, this whole whim she got was a risk. Perhaps she didn't come back alive, but rather put herself even further in a hole without a ladder.
But anything was better than staying still and helpless. She didn't like that feeling. Action was always the best step to her, no matter how ignorant of her.
She ran as far as she could into the black, until something softly pushed her back. She nodded, then her hand flashed out to grab at the dark ebony, then pull back. She drug it backwards with all her weight, and it resisted a bit, but pulled it back a good ten feet, heels digging in to the makeshift ground.
This substance, she could feel, was like smoke, only it somehow was solidified so it could be grasped, although somehow never losing shape or substance. It was hard to explain.

It finally burst. A gust of bone-chilling wind blew through at an alarming speed. Her essence began to disintegrate, and she was sucked into yet another world. One of more black darkness..
There was Neo's face. She could see herself, curled up into a ball in the corner of the White Rabbit, arms covering her head, with that ugly face peering down at her. Suddenly, more hate than ever flooded into her head. She wanted to lash out and rip him limb for limb. She wanted badly to see his blood spill at her boots; to revel that finally she, Kuroshi Akira Li, had gotten rid of that bastard. The words came frm his mouth, and she saw the look of pure enjoyment on his face; the way he was amused at her pain. Well, the day he begs for mercy before she puts the guillotine blade down on his head. She'll tilt her head back and laugh...Just laugh until the blood runs dry. Even then, she will muse at his corpse and spit on his ashes after she burned him.
She got up and stalked briskly towards the door; her fake twin, that is. She saw Neo get up and follow her, still relentlessly ridiculing her; cutting her apart even more. And so she followed herself outside, saw her peer up at the scaffold, a look of intrigue coming upon her face. Her spirit form grew angry, and shouted into her face "What are you doing?! Can't you see you're being stupid? You have much to live for; not enough to die for...Please, reconsider...Go back, kill Neo...you'll feel better, I promise..."
But it wasn't any good. She knew she'd already done it; that this was just a flashback to remind her of what she did. What happened...happened.
Soon, she was standing next to herself; staring straight into her own face. She noted she was atop the five-story scaffold, and her second figure was so...different...Somehow changed from not even a minute ago.
There was a delusioned look on her twin's face; so lost, so out-of-it. Her twin smiled. Not a delusioned smile to match her expression just a second ago, but a pleasant one; one that nobody had ever seen. It was genuine; truthfully happy and contented. Her soul was at peace for that split second in her life. There were no aching thoughts of anything and everything; no suicidal thoughts, because this was it. This was her suicide thoughts.
Her final moments and mind-noise screamed through her head, and the ones she picked out specifically was one of her parents. That scared her. She'd never cared much for her dad, at least, and never mourned for her mother. She never knew either of them for very long. Finally, she watched her body teeter, and when she snapped out a hand to stop herself, her hand slid right through, and her twin's body fell foward, over and over. She tried to fly after her; she was weighted in place. She tried to scream when she saw her body hit the ground and the blood rise up in it's place; her mouth was clamped shut. And when she tried to look at her body, tried to remember every last detail so she'd never forget this haunting, horrifying moment; she was sucked further and further away, until it all faded to black once more.

So...so that's what happened...the fall; the final thoughts...It scared her. It all gave her a sense of insecurity; like she couldn't control her actions. The bipolarity made her split and crack, and finally try and end it all. But was it all her fault? She would've slowly come around, like when you jump into the deep-end of a pool and you eventually come back up; that is, unless you have no buoyency. But that was besides the point.
Her eyes threatened to spill tears, a habit she had sworn off. Such depression now. She saddened herself with her act of self-obliteration, and how she looked so happy about it. How Neo sapped every last bit of whatever little empathy she gave, and in return, he could only give sarcasm and "Har-har, I think I'm so clever being such an asshole to my so-called 'friends!' thing, which is what really drove the adrenaline, and the desire to see him suffer as much as she did; more even...
But now...Now it was frightening that she did this to herself. What was she thinking? I mean, besides what she heard in her own mind...

Everything was disintegrating again.

So cold...can't cry...cry...
Death...walls of black...life...
Can't cry...