Fan Fiction ❯ Big Brother Darunia ❯ The Fab Four ( Chapter 8 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA: A Reality Fan Fiction
Show Eight: The Fab Four
By Galaxy Girl

BIG BROTHER is brought to you by the following sponsors...

Announcer 1: Hello everyone out there in TV Land! Today, we have a great offer on awesome great music!

Announcer 2: He's the latest new sensation in alternative pop and rock. He's Brother D.

A1: And now Brother D has released his first CD! With such popular songs as, "The Rocks Can Rock"

(Song clips. To the tune of Saria's Song)

Darunia: Oh the rocks!
I eat lox!
Knocking off my socks
Oh those goofy rocks.
The rocks can rock!

A2: And who could forget that classic disco hit, "Rocking Rocks"

(Song Clip. To the tune of Saria's Song)

Darunia: I'm sitting
On the floor
Heading in the door are the
Rocking Rocks.
The Rocking Rocks!

A1: And don't forget that tune tapping swing song, "Maple Leaf Rocks"

(Song clips. To the tune of Saria's Song.)

Darunia: Maple leaf,
Maple leaf,
Dancing once again to
Those Maple Leafs.
Maple Leaf Rocks.

A2: And of course that new classic, "Kokiri Rocks"

(Song clips. Saria's Song. Notice a pattern?)

Darunia: Kokiri,
Kokiri,
Being lost again
In the Kokiri
The Kokiri
(Rocks)

A1: Look for Brother D's new CD, "ROCK DEATH MOUNTAIN" this spring in a music store near you!

(Scene: A white room. Galaxy Girl walk in and sends a greeting.)

Galaxy Girl: Hello everyone! It's me, the author, with a few news items. First, I again apologize for the chaptering problem. I am glad that it's finally sorted out, and that you are all reading this. Thank you for being patient!
For the next bit of news, last week, I asked you all to send in ideas for the name of Saria's ever-insistent fairy. I've gone through the entries and picked a great name for her! Saria's Fairy, the envelope please...

(Saria's Fairy comes out)

Saria's Fairy: Here you are, GG!

(She hands me an envelope.)

Galaxy Girl: And the name of Saria's Fairy for the rest of this fan fiction and any other fan fiction I write with her is...
SUKI!

Saria's Fairy: Suki? My name is Suki? I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

Galaxy Girl: Thank you to Jigglypuff, the FF.N reader who submitted the winning name! And now, we will equip Saria's Fairy with her new name!

(GG pulls out her Galaxy Crystal star wand and points it at Saria's Fairy.)

Galaxy Girl: Kneel, Saria's Fairy... And rise... SUKI!

Suki: I AM SOOO HAPPY! YAY! I HAVE A NAME! THANK YOU SO MUCH JIGGLYPUFF!

Galaxy Girl: Thanks to everyone who entered, and just to let you know: I will use the rest of the names in any fan fiction where any other fairies are needed. Thanks for entering, and enjoy the show this week!

Suki: BYE EVERYONE!

(Scene: Big Brother Title room. Little Link is wearing a tie-dye shirt and he has a new long haircut with a wreath of flowers through his hair.)

LL: Hello, my groovy readers. Welcome to another swinging edition of Big Brother! The groovy author thanks you for being so patient while she dealt with the problems of everyday obsolete junk, baby. This week is a special show, based around the escapades of the four remaining swingers on the show. Thanks for watching baby, and enjoy this week's show, baby!

(Scene: The living room. Malon, Link, Saria, Suki (her fairy), and Darunia are sitting on the leather sofas, obviously getting bored.)

Malon: I'm bored.

Darunia: Me too.

Link: Me three.

Saria: So what do you want to do?

Suki: I don't know, what do you want to do?

Saria: Now, don't start that again, Suki!

Link: There's nothing to do!

Darunia: Why don't we have a jam session?

Malon: A jam session?

Darunia: Sure. Link and Saria on Ocarina, me on drums, and you on vocals.

Link: What do we sing?

Malon: How about...

All: NO! NOT EPONA'S SONG!

Malon: Hey, who said I was going to sing that?

Saria: Whatever. There's nothing else to do anyway.

Darunia: Aw, cheer up! Maybe we can get famous with our band!

Link: Hehe... yeah right...

(Two days later, the new issue of HYRULE PEOPLE magazine comes out)

Cover: IT'S THE NEWEST SINGING SENSATION IN HYRULE! IT'S... A FLOCK OF BEETLES!

(A series of TV and radio ads about the new band)

TV: They're sweeping the nation!

(Clip of screaming Hylian girls)

TV: They're the newest sensation!

(Clip of the four members posing in suits and ties with long hair)

TV: It's A Flock of Beetles!

(It seems that the four contestants have made lots of money and fame on their band within the first week! One week later, the HMTV {Hyrule Music Television} does a documentary on them. The host is tall with brown hair and glasses.)

Ben: Hello and welcome to Behind the Music. I'm your host, Ben Listening, and this week, we've got an exclusive documentary about Hyrule's hottest new band. They were a ragtag team of game show contestants who were bored one Saturday morning. And they ended up the hottest new act ever to hit Hyrule. But who are A Flock of Beetles? How did they meet? And what event lead to their tragic breakup? Find out this and more on today's Behind the Music!

(Clip of Link in a small room.)

Link: Well, it's a long story. I'm not sure where to start.

(Saria)

Saria: It was fun! I loved it!

(Malon)

Malon: I still say I should have been lead singer!

(Darunia)

Darunia: Now that I've had my taste of fame, I hate it!

(Announcer's and a clip of the band rehearsing)

Ben: A Flock of Beetles had a humble beginning. On the set of the world's most popular reality fan fiction, they started, in this very basement shown in the clip.

Suki: (voice) I wasn't really invited to be in the band... but I took over synthesizing.

(Here's the clip)

Link: (Takes out Ocarina) OK guys, let's take "Hey Ruto" from the top. Ready, Saria?

Saria: (Tuning Ocarina) Yep. Ready, 'Runia?

Darunia: (banging on drum) Yes. Ready Malon?

Malon: (twirling microphone wire) grumblegrumble...

Link: Oh Sheesh, are you still mad about the lead singer thing?

Malon: I sing better than you do!

Link: Aw, come on Malon! Just drop it!

Malon: Fine. OK, OK, "Hey Ruto", from the top. (Picks up guitar) One and a two and a...

(The band plays the tune of "Hey Jude")

Link: (singing) Hey Ruto.
Don't make it bad.
I don't like you
But you're obsessed with me.
Hey Ruto.
Don't mind your dad.
But frankly
I detest thee.
Don't let it
Don't let it get very far.
And by my guitar
I'll never marry you.
Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na!
Hey Ruto!

All: Na, Na, Na, NANANA NAAAAA! NANA NA NAAAA! HEY RUTO!

(Scene of Saria in room)

Saria: It was great. We had fun, just chillin' down there and jamming, and it was fun. But something happened... from the second that Link made that phone call to the Hyrule Talent Agency.

(Scene: Basement room. Link is on the phone with someone.)

Link: Yes, is this the HTA HQ? It is? Good. It's me, Link... I called up earlier for an audition. Yeah. We want to try out to see if we can get a CD.

Phone: Yes. Of course. You can come in tomorrow.

Link: Really? YEEEESSSS! WOOHOOO!

(Malon)

Malon: Link was really devoted to our band. He really wanted us to succeed. It was great for a while, but he got a little obsessed after a bit.

(Scene: The audition. A stern looking judge sits in a folding chair and watches the band set up.)

Suki: Saria, I'm nervous!

Saria: Don't be. You aren't even playing any songs!

Suki: What about the...

Saria: SHHH! That's a band secret. You weren't supposed to hear that.

Link: All right guys, let's try it.

Darunia: OK... I hope we do this!

(Link steps forward and the band get into their positions for their song. He speaks into the microwave)

Link: OK; now um... we are A Flock of Beetles. I hope you like our song. OK guys... Malon, solo here...

Malon: Got it! A one, a two, a one, two, three...

(To the tune of Yellow Submarine)

Malon: In the time, I was 17.
I joined and got on a game show thing.
And the prize, or so we're told.
Is a new car and some Rupees.
So we went into the show.
Where we found it mind scrambling.
And we lived in game show peace.
In a marble-gray castle thing.

All: We all live in a Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
We all live in a Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing

Darunia: And our friends are all aboard.
Even some we hate like Ganondorf.
In the band, we now do play.

(Band plays a spirited march and move onto the chorus)

All: We all live in a Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
We all live in a Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing
Marble Castle Thing

(Tape recording of quotes and sayings from BBD contestants)

Impa: Say anything and I swear I'll kill you!

Zelda: I HATE KARAOKE!

Deranged Windmill Guy: GO AROUND! GO AROUND! MUUUAHAHAHA!

Rauru: When I was your age we were fighting in the wars!

Ruto: LIIINK! COME BACK, LINK!!!!!

Ganondorf: (Singing) I LOVE YOU IMPA! And if it's quite all right, I'll love you Impa, right through the lonely night!

Malon: I see dead people...

Saria: TELL US! WHAT THE HECK IS IN THOSE STINKING ROOMS??!?!?

Suki: ... Just like the Energizer bunny with the drums! I LIKE DRUMS!

Darunia: YEEECH! I'd rather have a rock!

Link: CROIKEY! SEE YA BLOKES!

(Back to the song...)

Saria: We live a life and compete.

Suki: And Compete!

Saria: Every one of us

Suki: Everyone

Saria: Has our pet peeves

Suki: Our pet peeves!

Saria: Water blue...

Suki: WATER BLUE!

Saria: And Forest green.

Suki: FOREST GREEN!

Saria: In a Marble...

Suki: IN A MARBLE!

Saria: Castle Thing!

Suki: CASTLE THING! MMUUUUUAAAHAHAHAHA!

All: WE ALL LIVE IN A MARBLE CASTLE THING
MARBLE CASTLE THING
MARBLE CASTLE THING
WE ALL LIVE IN A MARBLE CASTLE THING
MARBLE CASTLE THING
MARBLE CASTLE THIIIIIIING!

(The judge sits there for a second, and then stands up clapping and cheering)

Judge: WONDERFUL! INCREDIBLE! FANTASTIC! You've got it! A CD! Two CDs! 100 CDs!

Link: We got a contract?

All: WOOOHOOO!

(Scene: A Flock of Beetles Concert, not to far off in the future.)

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! It's... A FLOCK OF BEETLES!

Audience: WWAAAAAAAAAAA!

Announcer: She's short, she's cute, and she plays a mean Ocarina! Give it up for... SARIA "STARR" KOKIRI!

(Saria walks onstage amidst applause from a bunch of male Hylians, followed by Suki wearing a tiny tie-dye headband.)

Announcer: He's big, he's bulky, and he's got enough loving for everyone! Put your hands together for... DARUNIA "LENNON" GORON!

(Darunia walks out, grinning and waving. Girls scream)

Announcer: She's got the voice of an angel and an attitude to match! It's... MALON "HARRISON" LON-LON!

(Lots of boys scream as Malon comes onstage)

Announcer: And now... the leader of A Flock of Beetles... LINK "MCCARTNEY" uh... wait, what is his last name?

(Link comes on stage and a stage crewman runs out and whispers something in his ear. Link whispers back and the man runs off. Seconds later,)

Announcer: LINK "MCCARTNEY" SMITH!

(The band gets together and they start the beginning of their song entitled "Carpenter Boss Man" to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby")

Darunia: Carpenter Boss Man
Sprucing up the town in which that gal Impa was born.
What the heck for?
The Chicken Lady
Chasing the chickens around through the yard where they live.
Why does she give?
All the crazy people.
Where do they all come from?
Are they from Kakariko?
Because I think they are!

All: AAAAAH! LOOK AT ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE!

Suki: Kooky, kooky, kooky, kooky, kooky, kooky, kooky...

All: AAAAAAHHH! LOOK AT ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE!

(Darunia)

Darunia: We had a thing going, man! It was great. We were spinning out hits like crazy! But we just kept getting more popular... I think it went to our heads.

(Clip: some #1 hits spun out by the Flock.)

(To the tune of "Let it Be")

Saria: Where the trees cast shadows all across the babbling brook and treehouses
With Great Deku Wisdom,
Kokiri...
The Lost Wood's silent requiem of mystical illusion...
Sacred Meadow's magic...
Kokiri... OOOH!

Link and Saria: Kokiri, KOKIRI! Kokiri-ee, Kokiri! Our hometown and our birthplace...
Kokiri...

(To the tune of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand")

Malon: Hey you! You Gerudo! I think you'll understand!

Link: That I really want to...

Both: I WANNA JOIN YOUR BAAAAND!

All: I WANNA JOIN YOUR BAAAAAAAND! I WANNA JOIN YOUR BAND!

(To the tune of "Ticket to Ride")

Malon: Linky came back to the ranch... Took a real good fighting stance...

Link: Just 50 Rupees a ride? Just 50 Rupees a ri-i-ide? Just 50 Rupees a Ride? Well I don't care!

(Malon)

Malon: We were having a great career. It seemed nothing would ever change, and we'd be popular and groovy forever. But... that's when the problems started.

(Scene: The Flock's Basement HQ. The gang is chilling, thinking of new lyrics when...)

Malon: Hmm... What rhymes with "Goron", guys?

Link: Moron... HAHAHAHA!

Darunia: That's not funny! We're writing a serious song here!

Saria: What rhymes with "fairy"?

Malon: Hairy, scary, contrary...

Darunia: Dairy, Barry, and Larry...

Link: What are you writing, Saria?

Saria: A new song. It's called, "Fairy Lane".

Link: Let's see...

(He picks up the paper that Saria is writing on.)

Link: (reading off of paper) "Oh on top of that tall mountain in a secret cave
Is a fairy that will grant your greatest wish.
And even a fish"?
Saria, this is awful!

Saria: What? What do you mean?

Link: What does a fish have to do with anything?

Saria: Well, I was thinking...

Link: No, no, no! Here, I'll help you out. Hand me that pen.

(Link scribbles a few things out and writes. Then, he hands it to Saria and grins smugly.)

Saria: "Oh the hero climbs the mountain to the volcano
And his blond hair blowing softly in the breeze
His heroic features stand out in the noon day sun.
Then he gives a sneeze"? What the... Link, this has nothing to do with a fairy!

Link: But isn't it better?

Malon: No. Now it's just all about you!

Link: But isn't it better?

(Darunia)

Darunia: It started with Link. From the day we signed that contract, his head just started getting bigger and bigger! Soon, he was the lead singer. Then he had to proofread all the songs and change the lyrics so they were about him. What a creep!

(Scene: Basement room again. Malon tries to prove her case to the others)

Malon: Really guys! I've been practicing my singing! I really think I can be the lead singer now!

Link: Yeah right Malon. When you sing, only one word comes out. "Ooh".

Saria: I don't know Malon... Link is a pretty OK singer.

Malon: No, just let me try!

(Malon steps up to the mike and cues the music for "Ganny-Poo" {to the tune of "Love Me Do"})

Malon: (Clears throat.)
Gan, Ganny-Poo!
Your wifey loves you!
(She swallows hard as if trying to hold back something)
She'll always be um... Ooh!
OO-ooo-ooOOOOOOOOO!
OO- OO-OO!

All: Malon!

Saria: Oh Malon! You're doing it again!

Suki: Why do you always say "Ooh"?

Darunia: I hate to say it Malon, but Link is better than you are.

Link: Not surprisingly...

(Link)

Link: Another problem was Malon. From the beginning she wanted to be the lead singer. But she just couldn't handle it, man!

(Scene: Basement. Suki is attempting to move up he position in the band.)

Suki: Why do I always have to be the sound fairy? What is it, do you have a problem with my singing or something or do you not like my costume? I'll change my costume, come on! Let me sing! PLEASE! Lemmelemmelemmelemmelemmelemmelemme PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!

(Saria)

Saria: Our other main problem was my poor fairy. Suki desperately wanted to be in the band, and I kept trying to let her in! But they said no. I wonder why...

(Malon)

Malon: But none of our problems were bad enough to break us up... until... Darunia met... her...

(Scene: The basement. The band's record producer and a guest have arrived to have a meeting. With Little Link's permission, of course. The next day of eviction is the following Saturday, giving the band five days to get their ducks in a row before another one of them is evicted)

Producer: Hey guys! How are you doing today?

Darunia: Hello!

Everyone else: (mumbling) mmgamfmfmmg...

Producer: Oh, you just woke up, huh?

Link: No... Darunia was practicing his drumming all night last night!

Darunia: Gorons don't need to sleep!

Producer: Oh. Well, I brought someone for you to meet. This is my new publicity agent. Her name is... Doko Mono!

(A gorgeous female Goron steps out from behind the producer. She has black hair and is wearing a tie-dye hippie skirt. And no beard, of course.)

Doko: Hello...

Darunia: (Eyes widen) Duh... duh... duh...

(Darunia appears to be staring at the young Goron woman. She looks back at him, and they both start to drool.)

Doko: Who are you, my hot sack of rocks?

Darunia: I am... duh... Darunia... King of Gorons... duh...

Doko: Oh... I'm Doko... From Termina...

Darunia: Hi... Are you a good singer, Doko?

Doko: Duh... (Starts singing like ... who else? Yoko Ono.) AIOAIAIAOOEIAEIOEIAIEIAOOIAIEOAIIEOEIOAIEIOAOEIAIOEOAIEIOAOEIOAOEIAIOEOAEIA OEOAIEOAOEIAOEOAIEOAOEIAOEOAIEOAOEOAOEIIIIII!

Darunia: Haaaa... AAOAIAIAOAIIAOAOAIAIAIAAEEEE!

Link: Whoa, 'Runia, are you OK?

Darunia: No... I've been shot...

Suki: SHOT? OHMIGOSH! CALL911! CALL911!

Darunia: By an arrow of LOVE...

Malon: (Rolling eyes) Fairies!

(Saria eyes Darunia and Doko, who are staring at each other stupidly.)

Saria: Gorons!

(Link)

Link: Good grief, it was ridiculous. Darunia enrolled Doko in the band, and she went with us everywhere. It was awful!

(Malon)

Malon: She sings worse than I do!

(Saria and Suki)

Saria: Doko followed us wherever we went. Darunia didn't pay attention to us anymore, it was all about Doko.

Suki: Jerk! I can't believe him!

Saria: You can't blame him, OK? Doko is the first female Goron he's ever seen!

Suki: Yeah, but so? It's not like she's the last one he'll ever see!

Saria: I don't know... knowing how Darunia is around women...

(Scene: The basement. Song rehearsal for a concert the next day. It is Wednesday. 3 days till the eviction.)

Malon: Let's see, what song do we need work on?

Saria: How about... the second verse of "Carpenter Boss Man"?

Link: Yeah, good idea! Your fairy needs to work on the "kooky"s.

Suki: Got it! Let's start! One, two, a one, two three...

(The group starts to play, but they notice something is missing.)

Link: Hello? DRUM SOLO!?

Saria: Where's Darunia?

Darunia: (yelling) Hi guys! Sorry I'm late!

(He runs down the stairs with Doko.)

Malon: Oh greeeeeeat. Why did you bring Doko?

Darunia: Doko has a great idea for the "Carpenter Boss Man" song!

Doko: Just sing the second verse, and we'll come in.

Saria: Oh, whatever! One, two, a one, two three...

Malon: (Singing)
Crazy Windmill Dude
Playing the song that will drive you insane.
You have no brain...
Potion Shop Witch Hag
Isn't that a tiger there in your arms?
Buying the farm...

All the Crazy people... where do they all come from?
Is it Kakariko? I think that they belong...

All: AAAAH! LOOK AT ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE!

Suki: Kooky, kooky, kook...

Darunia and Doko: AAIOIAIEOAIEIAOOEIAOOAIAEIAOEIAIEOIOOIAIEOAIAIEOAOEIAOAEOAIEOAIOEIAOEOEI!!!

(The music stops)

Suki: HEY! YOU MESSED UP MY ONLY SOLO!

Darunia: Isn't it much better?

Link: No way! It sounds like you guys are singing trapped under the roof of a car!

Saria: That's her only solo! You don't have to mess it up!

Malon: Just do it the way it was!

Doko: NO! I'm the publicity agent, and I say it's better!

Everyone else: But...but...

Darunia: Listen to Doko!

Everyone else: grumblegrumblegrumble...

(Suki)

Suki: And then at our next concert the next day... things really elevated! It was baaaad!

(Group is singing to the tune of "Lady Madonna")

Link: Lady Gerudo...
Hanging in the sand...
What would a man give just to join your band?
Stealing the money...
Just to pay the rent...
So your time with Ganon was stupid spent?

All: Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawka bawk bawk bawk bawkabawkaba...

Darunia and Doko: AAIIAIAIAIAURIEUIAOEOAUEOAEUIAOEUAOEIAOEIAOEUIAOEIAOEUIAOEUAOEUA!

Audience: (Gasp)

Malon: DARUNIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Darunia and Doko: AIAOAOEIAOEIAIEIEUAIOEIUAOEIAIEOAIEIAOEOIAIEIOEEOIEOE... !!!!

Auidience: BOOOOOOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!!!!

Doko: What are you booing at? This music is groovy, baby...

Darunia: It's mondo expressive! It shows our inner feelings!

Link: (Whispering to Saria) It shows their inner suckiness...

Darunia: I heard that! Don't you insult Doko!

Link: I'll insult Doko if I want to, you stupid hunk of rock!

Darunia: Meathead!

Link: Granite brain!

Darunia: Fairy boy...

Link: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

(Link leaps on top of the Goron King and wrestles him to the ground)

Link and Darunia: #*@!&$*@#*%$@!&%#@*(%*@#!(%(!@&*%@(!#%*@!*%*@&*%*$@#*%*@#!< br>
Saria: STOP IT! You guys, we are onstage!

Doko: Shut up, you moronic little midget!

Suki: Don't you insult Saria!

Doko: I'll do what I want, you creepy little tinkerbell!

Malon: THAT'S IT!

(Malon jumps Doko, and the two wrestle each other to the ground)

Malon and Doko: &@&$*@*%*#$*%(#&%!@(%&@#(!&!&%#(@#&%(!%&#@( !

Saria: Please stop it! We're in front of fans!

(The two fighting groups slowly drift over to each other, creating one giant fight!)

Suki: This is terrible!

Saria: Maybe if we can... calm them down!

Suki: "We Can Work It Out"?

Saria: Uh, sure.

(Suki starts to play a beat on the drum)

Saria: Try to see it my way!
Do I have to keep on worrying what it's all about?
Try to see it your way!
Do I have to keep on worrying that our love will soon be gone?
We can work it out! We can work it ou.... OUUUUUAAAAAAAAA!

(Saria gets dragged into the fistfight.)

Suki: Hold on, Saria! I'll save you!

(She dives into the pile and the fight continues)

(Darunia)

Darunia: I couldn't believe them! How could they poke fun at my little Dokey-Poo?

(Malon)

Malon: We had HAD IT! We were sick of Darunia and his dorky Doko ruining our career! It was either her... OR THE BAND!

(Scene: Basement HQ. Malon and Link sit on one side of the room pouting, and Darunia and doko are on the other side, pouting. Saria tries to break up the fight.)

Saria: Come on, you guys! Really! This is ridiculous! We have to rehearse!

Link: I'm not rehearsing if HE is going to be there.

Malon: I'm not rehearsing if SHE is coming!

Darunia: Besides, it's their fault!

Link: It's not our fault that the GORONS have brains the size of a pea!

Doko: It's not our fault that the HYLIANS are musically challenged!

Saria: Well, the KOKIRI want the HYLIANS and the GORONS to quit fighting!

Suki: Come on guys! that's not the way to solve your problems! Just like they say on Sesame Street! (singing) SUUNY DAY! SWEEPING THE CLOOOOUDS AWAYY!

Saria: Shush! No one is supposed to know that we still watch that!

(The group sits in silence.)

Saria: Come on! PLEASE! Just give each other one more chance!

Link and Malon: ........

Darunia and Doko: .......

All: Oh... All right.

Darunia: But if you screw it up...

Link: That's it!

Doko: No more chances after this!

Darunia: I'm sorry, Link. I don't want to fight anymore.

Link: I'm sorry too. Big Brother!

Darunia: Me too... Little Brother!

Malon: I'll give Doko another chance too.

Doko: Me too.

Saria: Good. Now, let's play "Rupees Can't Buy Me Life"

Malon: Fine. Positions, everyone! One... two... a one... two ready GO!

Darunia: Rupees can't buy no diamond rings
But they make you feel all right.
They can buy you a potion or a bomb on a boring night.
But I don't care too much for Rupees
Cause Rupee's can't buy me life!

Link: Can't buy me LIIIIIFE! CAN'T BUY ME LIIIFE!
I've sustained some major damage
But Rupees can't buy me life!

Doko: Sing it...
AIAIAIEUIAOAIEIEOOEAIEOAOEIAOIEAOOEIAIOEOAIEOAIEOAEIIAOEIAOEUAEIA OEIAUEOAIEAOEIOAEIOAIEIAOAIEOAOEIAOEIAOEIAIEIOAIEIAEIOAOEOIAIEOEOEAIAIO!

Malon: THAT'S IT! Why can't you stop singing like that?

Doko: It's the way I sing, meat head!

Malon: It sounds like Link when he falls from a high place!

Link: Does not! It sounds like Navi with her wings torn off!

Suki: Hey! Navi is my friend!

Darunia: Just leave Doko alone, Link!

Link: NO DARUNIA! I'm sick of that ugly, good for nothing Goron witch tearing apart our group! It's her or me!

All: (Gasp)

Saria: Link! You're dropping out if Doko doesn't leave?

Link: That's right!

Doko: No Darunia! I'm sick of that girly, freakish, no-good Hero of Time ordering us around! It's him or me!

Darunia: WHAAAA? You guys, this isn't fair! I can't pick between you! Link, you're my best friend! And Doko, you're the love of my life!

Saria: Stop it! I thought you made peace!

Suki: So who's quitting?

(Darunia stares around the room frantically, as if deciding something.)

Darunia: I... I... Doko... Link... Why? Why can't we all just get along?

Malon: Darunia... if you break up the band and ruin my chance at stardom... I swear I will beat your Goron @$$ into a bloody pulp!

Darunia: Oohh...

(He has a flashback.)

Link: I'm looking for the Spiritual Stone of Fire...

Doko: You're so hot!...

Link: Sworn Brothers? Whatchatalkinabout?

Doko: AIAIOAOAIEIOAIEOAOEIAIOEOAIE...

Link: Don't worry Darunia! I'll save your Gorons!

Doko: ...EAAIAOAOIAIAOOAIAIAOAIAIAIOAI...

Link: Bye Darunia... Sage of Fire...

Doko: ... OAOAIAIEOOAIEOAIEAOEIAOEO!!!

(Back in Reality Land)

Darunia: Huh? Oh uh...

All: Well?

Darunia: I guess I'll go with... Doko.

Link: WHAT?

Saria: You aren't...

Suki: YOU'RE BREAKING UP OUR BAND?

Malon: ...

Doko: Oh Darunia! I knew you'd pick the right choice!

Malon: ......

Suki: Malon? Are you OK?

Malon:......... AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!

(Scene: outside the Castle. Darunia and Doko come flying out through the drawbridge with Malon close behind.)

Malon: YOU... YOU STUPID GORON! YOU RUINED MY CHANCE AT STARDOM! I'LL KILL YOU!

Darunia: Run, my love!

Doko: You made the right choice, BABY!

(The pair of Gorons go running right towards Death Mountain and home.)

Doko: Is that where you live?

Darunia: Yep... WAIT!

Doko: What is it? you aren't changing your mind, are you?

Darunia: Nope, I've forgotten all my stuff back at the castle.

Doko: Oh. I'll go ahead to your city.

Darunia: Good. Say hello to my son when you get there!

Doko: You are a widower?

Darunia: Yeah. She ate a bomb flower.

Doko: Oh. Goodbye for now, my love!

Darunia: Bye Doko! I'll be there in a little!

(He turns back towards the castle, but not without first putting on a huge chest plate and a crash helmet.)

(Scene: The Living Room. It is Saturday, the day of eviction. LL is at the castle, and not happy to find his father missing)

LL: Let me get this straight. You guys started a band, and made over 15 #1 hit songs in the span of FIVE DAYS?!

Link: That's right.

LL: And my dad met a GIRL Goron, and she joined the band, and ruined your popularity?

Malon: Right.

LL: And then, you got in a fistfight, and my dad ended up running away with the girl Goron and they're getting married?

Saria: Yep.

LL: And all this happened because of that girl Goron?

Malon: That's true. That stupid brat! I took good care of her!

LL: What? What did you say?

Malon: I chased her and your dad out of the castle. I got pretty mad at them!

LL: Malon, you forced my dad out of the show?

Malon: Uh, yeah...

LL: I'm sorry, but that's strictly against the rules.

Malon: Sorry, dude.

Suki: It wasn't her fault!

Malon: Yeah it was. It was all me!

LL: I'm sorry Malon, but that's your second rule infraction in the course of the show.

Malon: It is?

Link: Yeah. Remember the Saria's Fairy Non-Contestant Vote in week one?

Malon: Oh yeah.

LL: I have no choice but to evict you.

Malon: WHAT? But... BUT...

Saria: But Little Link! We already evicted Darunia today!

LL: But the rulebook clearly states that in Code 274823967189654723891! "Any contestant who breaks the rules twice
in the span of 10 shows must be evicted, regardles of whether or not another contestant has already been evicted."

Malon: So I have to leave?

LL: Yes. I'm sorry.

Link: But that means...

Saria: A Flock of Beetles...

Malon: We're really broken up now!

Suki: We could have made it without Darunia... but not without Malon!

Link: She's the voice behind the Flock...

Malon: I AM?!

Saria: Sure. You're our high soprano. We sound bad without you!

Malon: (stars in eyes) I AM A STAR!

LL: I'm sorry guys... but I can't break the rules.

Link: It's not you, Little Bro. It's that stupid dork Doko!

Malon: I'm outta here! I'm off to be a STAR!

Saria: Huh? Malon, we never said...

Malon: (Singing) There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know!
There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know!

(She grabs a suitcase and runs up to pack.)

(Scene: The HMTV studio. Ben (The host) sits in a director chair, giving the final thought.)

Ben: Within a span of five days, A Flock of Beetles was formed, recorded, toured, and broken up. Though their time with us was short, A Flock of Beetles will
be part of Hyrule game show history forever, and a part of our hearts even longer. But that fateful day in the basment wasn't the last jam session
the Flock had together. Later...

(Scene: Outside the castle. Link and Saria have arrived to see off their comrade.)

Saria: I can't believe it's over. It only seems like we were together a few days.

Link: Uh, Saria? We were together only a few days.

Malon: I can't believe I'm leaving!

Link: Me niether.

Saria: It's been great, guys.

Malon: Ditto. But now I have to go and hit that long and winding road...

(The groups sits in silence for a few seconds.)

Saria: (singing quietly)
The long and winding road...
To Hyrule!

Link: (singing)
Where the sun goes sweeping merrily
Across the plains!!!

Malon: (singing)
Though there can be some toads...
This place rocks!

Suki: (singing)
The forest's trees!
Just fills our hearts with glee
Across the land!

Link: The field's rolling plains!
Give us solitude!
It's awesome, dude!

Saria: And though our paths may cross again...
Only Nayru knows for sure!
May the Hyrule spirit
Long endure!

(Suddenly, a voice rings out from the courtyard)

Darunia: The long and winding road!

Suki: The long and winding road!

Saria: The long and wiiiinding road!

Link: The long and winding road!

Malon: YOU STUPID PIECE OF GORON SCUM! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

(Malon chases after Darunia, who is screaming like a woman the whole way)

Malon: COME BACK HERE!

Darunia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Saria, Link, Suki: (Sigh)

Link: I guess we're the only ones left.

Saria: And then there were two...

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BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, FOLKS!

When we last left Koume and Kotake, they were on their way to Death Mountain to visit Biggoron and
ask him about Link's whereabouts.

We join them now, on top of Death Mountain, searching for Biggoron.

Koume: SO I don't get it. Where is this "Bigmoron" guy?

Kotake: That's Biggoron.

Koume: Whatever. Where is he?

Kotake: Beats me. Let's look in those caves over here.

Koume: Whatever. You go left, I'll go right.

Kotake: Whatever.

(Koume goes into the cave on the left.)

Koume: Jeez, it's dark in here.

(She walks into a small room with strange silvery liquid running down the walls. A fountain
is at the end of the path.)

Koume: (whistling)
What's this? It looks like the Triforce symbol.

(She continues whistling, and unknowingly whistles "Zelda's Lullaby")

Mysterious Voice: Hahahahaha!

Koume: Huh?

(The Great Fairy comes out of the Fountain and looks down at Koume)

Great Fairy: Hey! You're not Link!

Koume: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(She races out of the room to find her sister attempting to put out her clothes, which are on fire.)

Kotake: OwOWOWOWOWOW!

Koume: Oh my gosh! That's the scariest thing I've ever seen!

Kotake: Yeah? Well I fell into a lava pit!

Koume: Heh heh... Klutz.

Kotake: Shut up! We need to find that stupid Biggoron!

(Suddenly, Biggoron sits up and groans, shocking Koume and Kotake and making them tumble off of
the summit.)

Twinrova: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(Splat)

Bigg oron: Huh? Who's there? Oh well. I'll just go back to bed.

(Biggoron crashes back to sleep, causing an earthquake and knocking a huge boulder down off of the
peak of the mountain.)

(Meanwhile, down below)

Kotake: What was that?

Koume: It was probably that creepy fairy thing I saw.

Kotake: No, what's that noise?

(Suddenly, the boulder crashes down on top of the pair.)

Koume: I... HATE... YOU...

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BUT THAT'S STILL NOT ALL, FOLKS!

(Scene: Gateway to Goron City. Darunia arrives home, dragging his suitcase and preparing to introduce his son to his new wife.)

Darunia: Ah, Goron City! Death Mountain! I'm home!

(He walks into the city, and finds all the Gorons missing. He can hear Doko's familiar singing.)

Darunia: Doko? Little Brothers? Where are you all?

(He walks past Medigoron's shop and hears pounding on the stone door.)

Gorons: DARUNIA! BIG BROTHER! LET US OUT!

LL: Dad! DAD! It's her! She...

Darunia: In a second, guys! I'm busy! Doko, where are you?

(Darunia finally makes it to the bottom floor, where he can hear Doko singing inside the Goron Shop.)

Darunia: (opens the door) Ah, here you are, DokoooAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Inside the shop, he sees Doko making out with the shopkeeper.)

Darunia: DOKO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Doko: (gasps) Darunia! I thought it would take you longer to get here!

Darunia: HOW COULD YOU?

Doko: It's not what it looks like!

Shopkeeper Goron: SHE MADE ME DO IT, BIG BROTHER! I SWEAR! GORON'S HONOR!

Darunia: First you break up my band...

Doko: No, please! I can explain!

Darunia: Then you made me fight with my friends...

Doko: NO! NO! Let me tell you what happened!

Darunia: And then you betray me and lock my son and my friends away so you can seduce the shopkeeper behind my back?!?!?!

Doko: Darunia! Please! I love you!

(Screenshot of outside Goron City.)

Doko: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(She goes flying out of Goron City and down the cliffs of Death Mountain.)

Doko: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DARUNIA! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Back inside Goron City)

LL: Gee, thanks for letting us out, dad! I'm glad you're back. Even if you got voted off the show.

Darunia: Yeah.

Random Goron: We thought that you would for sure win those Rupees!

Darunia: Oh no. I don't care too much for Rupees. Rupees can't buy me love.

Gorons: Can't buy you love?

LL: Can't buy you love?

Darunia: I don't care too much for Rupees. Rupees can't buy me love!

(Camera zooms out over Hylian landscape)

Voices of the Flock: Caught me in the shop with your pal...
Threw me out the window as well...
Big Goron Man, I know you can
Just forgive me and get on with it
Oh, you know it ain't easy...
You know how hard it can be...
The way things are going...
They're gonna cruxify me!

Suki: THEY'RE GONNA CRUXIFY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

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Th is game screwed up by: Galaxy Girl
President, Webmaster of Planet Universe Comix Co.
www.angelfire.com/co3/kellcomix
PLANET UNIVERSE: Saving the world with cheapo comics!

LEGEND OF ZELDA is property of Nintendo of America. No infringement of copyright is intended.

This eppy of Big Brother is dedicated to the Beatles. Ringo, Paul, George, and good ol' John...
They changed music and they changed the world. We luv ya, guys!

Here is a list of all the Beatles songs I spoofed and their titles in the fic.

"Hey Ruto" = "Hey Jude"
"Marble Castle Thing" = "Yellow Submarine"
"Carpenter Boss Man" = "Eleanor Rigby"
"Kokiri" = "Let It Be"
"I Wanna Join your Band" = "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"
"50 Rupees A Ride" = "Ticket To Ride"
"Ganny-Poo" = "Love Me Do"
"Fairy Lane" = "Penny Lane"
"Carpenter Boss Man" Reprise = "Eleanor Rigby"
"We Can Work It Out" = Same. I really messed up the words, though!
"Lady Gerudo" = "Lady Madonna"
"Rupees Can't Buy Me Life/Love" = "Can't Buy Me Love"
"The Ballad of Darunia and Doko" (The song at the end) = "The Ballad of John and Yoko"

And yet more...