Fan Fiction ❯ Bitter-Sweet Delusions ❯ Hallucination 1: Gina ( Chapter 2 )

Gina came to visit today. Perhaps I should not say Gina. It wasn't really her, just another vivid hallucination. Only the imaginary allowed to come to my desolate purgatory; those from the realm of realty are bound to the world outside. As I have said many times before, such is my punishment for my crimes.

 

The hallucination was conjured out of my subconscious to talk to me today. Now that I think about I wonder if he had anything to do with the appearance of the hallucination. Maybe he had wanted the delusion to bother me, to bring up my betrayal, or to chat about my dear Ren. But no, the Gina look alike simply chattered softly about how her new `job` and kept asking me questions about my life here at my imprisonment.

 

But Belle, as I have come to call my delusion of Gina, did say something of great yet little importance. She talked about Doctor Leslie. Belle said the doctor would be seeing me tomorrow. An appointment to discuss my state of mind or something of the like.

 

Never has one of the `original' hallucinations spoken of the doctor. Never. I understand they are simply extensions of my imagination, a part of my overly imaginative mind so to speak, so for one hallucination to know of the doctor shouldn't come as a surprise. It has just never happened before and it seemed odd for it to happen now. I had always thought that hallucinations were supposed to act as the person they were imitating, if they were imitating anyone at all. So for a hallucination who was `supposedly' Gina to know something the real Gina would not, was surprising to me.

 

Belle actually looked shocked to have said what she did. She put her hand over her mouth and paled considerably. She apologized to me several times and stumbled over her words. It was almost cute to see her act so childishly.

 

“I-I'm sorry, Zeke. I didn't mean to…I mean, I just thought that you wouldn't mind. I should go.” She had stammered. Then Belle told me she would visit again tomorrow and left. It was almost funny to see her act so much like a nervous little child. Of course it wasn't the real Gina, but Belle was so close that I could almost believe she was real.

 

But I still wonder how she knew about the doctor. I suppose I'm dwelling to much on an unimportant detail. My mind is slipping. The real and imaginary blended for a moment causing Belle to act strangely. My hallucinations are falling from the perfection I have become so accustomed to. Hmmm… I must be going crazy.

~*~

 

Belle kept true to her word. The next day, well after I had awoken, she stepped through the door talking away. She seemed to have forgotten her mistake yesterday and was as cheerful as she ever was.

 

“ Hello, Zeke. How are you today?” She said softly.

 

“ Fine.” I said lightly, smiling at her reflection in the window. She looked down and carefully walked around the photographs. As she neared I saw she had been crying.

 

“ Belle?”

 

“ Uh! Um, yes?” She jumped slightly and stared up at me.

 

“ Have you…been crying?” I asked furrowing my eyebrows at the thought. Hallucinations can't cry. They may appear to cry but they really can't. Such a dumb question. Why was I asking such stupid questions lately? I already knew all the answers.

 

“ No! I mean, no I haven't. I'm fine.” Belle flushes and looks away towards the photos.

 

“ If you don't want to say anything about it, then just say so.”

 

“ I…” Belle began but she looked away. I sighed mentally and ran my hand through my hair. I glanced down at my bed and leaned over to pick up a picture from the top of the pile.

 

The picture was beautiful, a tranquil scene of a group of friends at the beach. The sky was the prefect shade of blue and the smiles on the friends' faces were genuine. Such a happy looking photo, like a postcard from a faraway paradise. Memories flooded into my thoughts, forcing me to remember those happy times.

 

“ Belle? Do you remember that day? The day at the beach, I mean.” I asked, smiling slightly at the picture.

 

“ The day when Lila was excepted into the local university?” Came the soft answer.

 

“ Yes, that day. Do you still remember it?” I still stare fondly at the picture in my hand.

 

“ Yes, I remember. I remember it very well.” Belle murmured, now turning to look me in eye. A puzzled expression crossed her face. “ Why do you bring that up now, Zeke?”

 

“ Belle,” I began, completely ignoring her question. She would know the answer soon enough. “ Gina asked me a question that day. A question so insignificant at the time, I wouldn't be surprised if it had been forgotten. That question has stuck with me for a long time though, as I hope it was with you Belle.”

 

“ A question? I don't remember.” She knitted her eyebrows in confusion, trying as it seemed to grasp the memory I had spoken of.

 

“ It was a few weeks after Gina's friend, Abe Harrison, was sent to the local mental institute. His parents died but he kept saying he could still see them. Abe begged people to believe him. Naturally they compiled and he was taken off in a straight jacket.” I chuckled darkly and looked down a the picture in hand as I continued.

 

“ Gina was very upset about that. She was saddened for such a long time afterwards. That day at the beach she was still letting it bother her. I went to talk to her to try to help and she asked me then.”

 

“Asked you what?” Belle's voice was soft and I could hear the tone clearly. She already knew the question but didn't know why I was bringing it up. I realized I should get this over with. I looked up at her.

 

“ Gina asked me if I thought she was crazy.”

 

“ I thought I was for believing Abe. I put my complete trust in someone who was declared crazy.”

 

“ I can understand how it hurt Gina. She was always so sensitive.” I replied and the other girl gave me a sad look.

 

“ Yes, I know.”

 

“ You are too.”

 

“ I'm sorry.”

 

“ Don't be. You are a hallucination made to look like Gina, act like Gina, and to be the replica of dear Gina. It is only natural you would have the same personality.”

 

“ Zeke, why do you…” Belle trailed off.

 

“ Why do I what Belle?” I asked softly glancing at her downcast eyes.

 

“ Never mind. I need to go. I promised my boss I would work the late shift.” She turned around. “ Goodbye, Zeke. I'll be back soon.”

 

“ Of course.” I answered. I watched her back as she left, becoming fascinated with the coarse fabric of her dress. It was the most awful green color and I felt like smacking myself on the head. Gina would never wear something like that. I was slipping, my imaginary friend Belle was becoming more and more unlike her inspiration.

 

“ Belle?” I asked as she opened the door. She half turned, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “ Never got your answer. As to why I was bringing that day up again.”

 

“ You won't give me an answer Zeke. That's how you always were, you never said more then you wanted to.” Belle said quietly.

 

“ Are you really going to walk out of here without knowing why?”

 

“ Why shouldn't I? I know you, Zeke. You won't tell me until you want to tell me. I won't push you, I'll just listen when you're ready.”

 

“ I want you to know why. I know that you want to know too.” I said.

 

“ Is it really that important?” She asked. I knew what she thought of me, for making such a big deal about such a little thing. But I knew she'd never say that. That's why I'd have to.

 

“ Depends. I just thought you might like to know. After all that question helped me get here.”

 

“ What?” I had caught her attention now. She turned giving me a look of shock. I chuckled and decided to .

 

“ My reason for wanting you to remember that day and that question, that's what I want you to know. You say I never tell you anything so here is a glimpse into my mind.” I said, then paused to see her reaction.

 

“ …” Belle stayed silent but her eyes asked me questions. Why was I telling her this? Why did I believe her innocent question from so long ago was the reason I was here? I felt the need to ignore these questions, she was part of my mind after all. She should already know. The only reason I was saying this is because I had wanted to tell Gina and would never get the chance. So I must say it aloud now or I feel I might burst.

 

“ Do you want to know now?” I asked.

 

“ Please tell me.”

 

“ Fine.” I turned to look out the window. It had started to rain and I smiled at the sight of the raindrops sliding down the cold glass. “ Gina once asked me if I thought she was crazy for believing in things that weren't real. I told her that day that I didn't, though she seems to believe she was. Now I believe I can see why.”

 

“ My reason for asking you is because I wanted to ask her the same thing before I came here. But now I know the answer. Belle, I think I'm crazy.”