Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Teenage Basket Case ❯ New Years: YIPPEE! Or not ( Chapter 1 )

Confessions of a Teenage Basket Case

By: kawaii berry

Henceforth, the diary...

***

January 1

This year I will not:

Bite my nails

Sneer at hypocrites, especially the one by my locker

Throw up on the principal

Burn the Cheerios in the microwave

Scream "what a loser!" at my teacher when he is discussing George Washington

Accuse my enemies of being Afghan terrorists

Blow up my locker

Set stink bombs in the people by my locker's locker

Break into people's houses after midnight trying to find pliers for the my last minute science project

Lecture about mashed potatoes

Leave my gym socks in the PE lockers

Dig useless holes

Touch any latex gloves

Throw crayons at my sister

Complain about how the required reading books are such a waste of money

Get ten practice records and lose all of them

Think that Friday is Wednesday

Choke on powdered donuts

Make lectures about cannibalism

Pretend that my next door neighbor is a communist

INSTEAD, I will:

Be a self-actualized individual

Clean my room

Practice my instruments

Have a healthy, well balanced diet

*************

This is such a useless list. I have been confined to my room for setting the tree on fire. Mom was so mad she screamed and told me to think about what I should have done instead. It was only a sparkler, sheesh. Why do people get angry over everything? Okay, so maybe the tree was a bit expensive and had been there for more than a hundred years. It looks a bit nicer than before, and with all of the holidays (New Year's and all) it's a really great decoration.

Okay, not.

I am rambling again, what is happening to me? So I have always been a basket case...so what?

Staring at my room. Sick of it, with all of the ugly pee-colored wallpaper. In my thirteen years, I suggested we change the color. No such luck. Help me, I am so bored I even started pulling off the heads of my sister's Barbies. Skipper and Theresa will not be spared. They're really ugly...tearing of their limbs now, pondering about the uneaten food downstairs.

I just noticed I got hungry. Maybe I should apologize and then raid the kitchen.

It's so boring, God, help!!!

Old boring drab people downstairs. They are probably drunk. Hopefully they will not call me down to sing "Auld Lang Syne" and make me hold hands with Henry, our cousin. It is such a barbaric custom, and everyone sings off pitch anyway. Instead, I have found sleeping through the whole night will be fun.

Later.

***

I am back again, with more to come...I have slipped out of the house! I am so glad! Free from the oldies and the idiot cousins!!! A plus for Helen Knight!!! Hahahahaha!

I decided to walk to Linda's...I mean, everyone's there anyway.

***

My parents are SO mad I snuck out without telling them. I am grounded for a week, and they cut off my allowance, for the tree thing and all. The party was great. NOT. It had no food, no drinks, just a lousy can of water. They wouldn't let me attack the fridge. Linda and her whole family are anorexics, I think. I took a sneak at her fridge. A old package of expired cheese, and two cans of beer. Freezer? Nada. Nothing. They must have really eaten a lot, or they're just hiding the secret from everyone. Then again, I came too late.

**********

Oh, joy. Henry is staying over, on account that our aunt and uncle can't get their stupid fat car out of the driveway. STUPID SNOW, STUPID CAR!!! I don't want to talk about Henry's snoring habits. It is disgusting.

Looking out the window. Still snowing. I can't believe it. It hasn't snowed in twenty years, and today, it just had to be a blizzard all over. My uncle and aunt haven't come here for twenty years. Such a coincidence, isn't it? It's just SO great.

Sarcastically speaking, I am very glad that they are here. Snort.

*********

Now I am officially bored to the bone. BORED, and with nothing to do except listen to everyone talk in their sleep. Interesting, what their conversations are.

Uncle Tim is talking about his dream car, I think. "Oh, and my baby will have full leather seats..." things like that. Maybe I should blow up my diary? If anyone got hold of it, I would be in major trouble.

********Next chapter: Worse news.