Fan Fiction ❯ Das Yooper! ❯ If You Qualify as Either a Troll or a Yooper! ( Chapter 1 )

Okies some notes … I am switching to a "normal" first person style but occasionally Ferris will commentate on what is happening around him, basically we get to hear what he is thinking as he goes about his daily life … his asides will be marked like this ((thoughts)) everything else will be actions or dialogue I guess ::thinks:: yup that is correct! Cause what OTHER people are doing would count as actions too! ^__~ And NOW for chapter two in the "boring" life of a reclusive 21 year-old! Oh yeah and the first paragraph of each chapter will be his thoughts (just to let you know cause starting the chapter out with a (( would look weird!)

Das Yooper!

(If You Qualify as Either a Troll or a Yooper!)

Yippy-yo kai-yay!! Today classes start for the Theater and Classical art majors!! (^_^) I LOVE THEARTER! Now you're probably wondering how in the world someone as shy as me ended up a theater major in which I have to get up and perform in front of complete strangers… well you see, it has a lot to do with the fact that when I am on stage I'm not geeky little Ferris who used to get his ass kicked everyday NOT for his lunch money just cause the bullies thought it was fun! I get to be somebody, ANYBODY but me! And surprisingly I am much, MUCH more out going while in character! ~ Now you are probably wondering how things on the dorm-front are going? N'est ce pas? Well surprisingly I have managed to avoid seeing ANY of my quad-mates. To which I am very glad! Well strike that I did see Todd in the hallway the other day as I was leaving, and to my dismay he wanted to introduce me to someone. (¬_¬) So I met Georges ::said in a BAAAAAD French accent:: (cause that is how Todd says his name (XP)) and I am sure you could guess, Georges isn't just some study buddy if you catch my drift! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know-what-I-mean?? ::snickers:: you gotta love the flying circus!! (XDDDDDD) And NOW for something COMPLETELY different!

***

I am finally walking up the steps of the Heritage Center for the Performing Arts. It is only across campus from my home, Bruske Hall! ((OH MY GOD! That was a looooong ass walk! (>.<) I need to get myself a bike or something ::pants::)) I push open the glass door, entering the building's lobby. I find that a congregation of students has assembled itself in the cushioned chairs arranged in a "friendly" setting. Almost as soon as I see all of these people, my right hand reaches up and grips onto my left arm. ((Basically saying in body language DON'T approach me… (>.<) why do I ALWAYS do that!)) The entire building seems to hum with the impersonal small talk. I make my way slowly through the crowd. I can feel my chest constricting, my heart rate increasing slightly. ((Basically all of these people are putting me on edge!)) I pass by this one group that was being especially boisterous. I pause for a moment, my right hand still gripping onto my left arm. I take in the people around me; I seem to go unnoticed. ((THANK GOD!!)) At the center of this 'loud' group, is this girl. She could ONLY be about five foot, at the most. She is telling a story of some kind, and her face is very animated. She is charismatic and a large number of guys seem to be drawn to her. ((But looking at her … she SCREAMS pretentious!!!! (¬_¬))) My eyebrow raises, as I show my cynical face to whom ever may be looking. Despite what may seem logical, a deep animosity has developed. My eye twitches as I turn and continue my frightening decent into my own personal hell! After a slight panic ((where is it! where is it! where is it! where is it!)) I found my classroom ((err … well Lecture hall)). ((First class of the day!? … Shakespeare!)) I find a seat … in the back ((of course!)).

The day is going by slowly ((I don't think I am going to make it! I spent more time sleeping in my lecture courses than I do in my fucking bed!! (0.o))) Right now I have a two hour break before my next class ((of course since this is my first day … they are just handing out syllabuses … so I think I am going to skip my next two classes and just hang out in my room. While I was "listening" to my lectures, my brain was coming up with some KILLER ideas for a story!!! (^_____^) Kick ass! Since most of my quad-mates will still be in class at this time I will even be able to BLAST my hard-core music (it inspires me dammit) might be able to get some doodles done too! ROCK ON!!!!)) I sling my messenger bag over my shoulder and walk out the same glass door I entered. With a giant sigh of relief, I step out onto the sidewalk and finally I feel free enough to let my arms swing where they please. It is still pretty humid. ((I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE!! THE MOIST AIR IS SUFFOCATING ME, COUGH, COUGH ::DIES::)) I step out on the street, running across ((not at a cross walk!!!)) and almost get hit by a car. ((And who would have guessed that at the wheel would be none other than that Pretentious Princess!)) It looks like I may be an '89 or a '90 cavalier in gray blue! ((XP)) The look on her face was horrified. ((HILARIOUS!! (XDDD))) My heart is still pounding hard in my chest. I shake it off and continue walking down the sidewalk as if nothing happened. I can hear the car slowly following me down the street; I slowly put my hands into the pockets of my bright blue hooded sweatshirt. Finally she pulls up next to me.

"HEY YOU!" she calls out her passenger window. My lip curls into a sneer, as I keep right on walking.

"HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU! … HELLOOOOO! WILL YOU FUCKING STOP FOR A MINUTE, YOU DUMB ASS YOU RAN OUT IN FRONT OF MY CAR AND WERE CLOSE TO BECOMING THE FIRST BLUE 'FAIRY' PANCAKE!!!" she yelled loudly, sticking her tongue out at me! I blinked ((LMAO! That was a good one!)) I stop, and before I can control myself, I start laughing. ((XDDDDDD)) She stops her car next to me; luckily it isn't too busy at this time.

"C'mon I'll give you a ride … Ferris isn't it!?"

I immediately stop laughing.

"Uh … yeah, but I'm going by my middle name, Cam!" ((I CAN'T believe I told her!!!)) She gestures with her head for me to get in her car, ((BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID 'YEAH' TO!!!)) I hesitate. She gets impatient with me.

"OH GEEZE! I DON'T Bite! …" ((Hard)) "… HARD!!!" I roll my eyes.

((Well it won't kill me … I mean she isn't going to ridicule me or anything … is she!? Naw … I shouldn't think like that! This is my fresh start! I SHOULD make an effort, shouldn't I?)) I can feel my face redden. I take a deep breath and slowly reach out my hand. My fingers curl under the metal handle as I let out that breath. I feel a bit dizzy, ((MY GOD! I AM SO PATHETIC! (>.<;;;) calm down you mu-TANT you're just opening a car door, for crying out loud!)) With a quick motion in my wrist I lift up on the handle of the car door. CLINK! … ((0.0)) Clink, clink, clink. It is locked! ((And now the car speeds away, the pretensions princess, has her head hanging out the window laughing at my humiliation! DAMN! How could a be sooo stupid, stupid, stupid (>.<) dammit!!!)) I gulp, feeling my lower lip quiver uncontrollably.

"Doh! Sorry!" she leans over and with a small click, she unlocks the door.

"I forgot, the door was locked, tee!" she said as I cautiously opened the door with a loud creak! ((Seems she doesn't get too many passengers this door isn't used very much … hmm perhaps I was a little quick to judge … maybe, probably not … I am always dead on with first impressions … (¬.¬;;) 'cept for Todd, okay so maybe not ALWAYS!)) I get in, putting my bag between her, and myself; not only that but I also cross my legs and arms. I am feeling a little bit uncomfortable as I pull the door closed. She pulls back into traffic and we drive for a few moments. Finally she breaks the comforting ((yet frighteningly awkward)) silence.

"Sooooooo, where do you hang your hat?" she asked. ((What the hell was that? That sounds like something my grandmother would say (XDDDDDD))) I try to hold in my laughter but I fail miserably, I finally burst out laughing whole-heartedly.

"What!?" she asks me with wide eyes, I can't stop laughing long enough to answer her. ((I laugh a lot under normal circumstances, so when I am nervous, once you get me started … (>__>;;;) it is almost impossible to get me to stop.)) it has gotten so bad, I am no longer making noises, ((it is the silent laugh, you know the one, you can't breath and your face turns blue and the people around you end up laughing at you (-_-) yeah so that is me right now, blue faced!)) so finally I manage to get a breath and I end up making this sound that rivals the death scream of a donkey! She starts giggling now, ((what can I say my laugh is contagious! (XDDD)))

Finally I manage to calm myself down enough to converse.

"Ha, ha! That sounded like something my grandmother would say! ((::Sigh::)) sorry!" I manage to say to my own surprise. She blinks twice at me then laughs.

"Yeah, it does sound that way doesn't it!" she admits a blush on her cheeks. Once we have calmed ourselves, I turn my head towards her a smirk on my face.

"Bruske!" I say out of the blue.

"What?" she asks me wide eyed.

"That is where I hang my hat … Bruske hall!" I say giving her a sideways glance.

"So, how do you know who I am?" I ask, the apprehension obvious in my voice. She smiles slyly at me.

"I am in your Shakespeare lecture course!" she admits, "and I saw you in the hallway before class, damn you looked pissed at me!" ((->__>-;;;)) I smile sheepishly.

"Well if you really want to know … oh hey wait! Who are you anyways?" I ask her, raising my eyebrow. Her eyes widen as she realizes her faux pas.

"Oh duh! I'm Ellie! Nice to meet you Ferris!" she said smiling brightly. She probably would have offered to shake my hand but currently she was gripping the wheel tightly. Actually she has white knuckles! ((Hmm that is a nervous indicator! She is gripping the wheel tightly cause she is nervous huh? About ME!? (o.0) You've GOT to be kidding!))

"uh yeah, nice to meet you," I say awkwardly. We fall into another bout of silence. FINALLY, I see the sign into the Bruske hall parking lot come into view.

"ooh there!" I point as she throws on her blinker. Her car loops around the circular drive slowing to a stop at the front entrance way. I suddenly throw myself out of sight. Ellie looks at me like I just turned into something foul smelling, raising her eyebrow questioning me. ((Feeling stoooopid, ah hell … ::throws his first impression to the waste side:: I wasn't too keen on being this chick's friend anyway!)) my cheeks are red, I can feel the heat from them. Slowly I lift my head and peak out the window again.

"damn! They're still there!" I whisper under my breath. I begin to weigh the possibilities. (( OOOOkay! I can either stay in the car with … "eeellie" OR I can head toward my dorm and have to suffer a few minutes of awkward un-pleasantries with Todd and who ever those guys are with him … hmmm they can't ALL be his "study buddies" can they! (0.0;;))) with a heave of my chest I choose the latter, hanging my head I open the car door with another loud creak. I step out of the car, squinting slightly at the noonday sun. I throw my bag over my shoulder and wave curtly to Ellie. She, in turn, gives me an insincere smile.

"BYE! Ferri … " she said with a little wink. I can feel my blood positively BOIL, my eyebrow twitches as my lip curls up into a sneer. With a roll of my eyes I slam her door shut with my hip and watch as she drives off. And then …

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! CAM! Who was that!? Did mister anti-social get himself a booty-call or could she be girlfriend material??" I hear Todd's unmistakable voice lisp out at me! ((well now that the whole dorm knows about my love life (even though really it doesn't exist) dammit Todd why do you have to get so loud!?)) I whirl around and shoot him a look that is considered a lethal weapon in most states! I could tell he wasn't meaning to be rude or anything, just teasing me a bit; Probably an attempt to get me to open up. ((Tch! He needs to choose his topics more wisely)) judging by his furrowed brow it seems he realizes he went too far. Then he did something I didn't expect. Quickly he saunter down the steps then quickens his pace until he gets right up to me. Without even realizing I did, I have crossed my arms over my chest.

"seriously Cam, who was she. You look upset! Did she reject you? Is she stalking you? Was she talking smack about you!? I'LL KICK HER ASS!!!" he yelled, shaking his fist in the direction her car had departed. I could feel it pulling at the corners of my mouth. I watched Todd as he brooded over whatever he was imagining her saying to me, and I just couldn't help myself. I let the smile light up my face, as I let out a small chuckle. Todd's face softened a bit as he turned his attention back to me.

"Naw, it wasn't anything like that really, I just find her horribly pretentious," I said with a roll of my eyes. Todd grinned back at me.

"Oh?" he inquired.

"We have a class together, although may a teensy bit on the stalking cause she all noticed me and knew my name and stuff … " I said this as if it was hard evidence she as a full-fledged stalker of mine. Todd's eyes widened at me, until he just busted up laughing.

"Oh Hun, if you think that is stalking … you are hopeless! Sounds like she may be interested in you… but nothing so serious as to need a restraining order. Look Cam, you have to keep in mind you are an attractive young man …" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Before I can control it, I can feel my whole body stiffen uncomfortably. I go to say something but Todd raises his hand for silence.

"Don't get me wrong Cam, you ARE an attractive guy … But you are sooo not my type! I like cowboys, thank you! And no offense, you don't seem the wrangling type," he said giving me the once over, I guess I really don't, with my long cut off shorts and slightly miss-matched socks and my layer upon layer of tee-shirts and my bright blue hoodie. I really am a far ways off from "Home On The Range". Not that I would really care if he was attracted to me, this great country prides itself on freedom … so he can like whom ever he wants, he would just have to realize I don't particularly think he is all that much of my type either.

My cheeks flush slightly as I remember I just made a complete ASS of myself accusing Ellie of being my stalker. I grimace; letting an exasperated groan pass my lips as I slap myself square across the forehead. Todd giggles at my antics, slipping his arm around my shoulder, directing me toward the stairs to the entrance. Toward two guys looking at us with strained curiosity. Todd lifted his free hand gesturing in their direction.

"C'mon Cam, there are a couple of guys I want you to meet … they are some of our quad-mates, by the way," Todd revealed the last part as an aside. As we got closer I found myself looking them both over. ((I sure as hell don't know what I expect to find)) one was tall, I'd say he was maybe an inch taller than me, so that would make him about 6'4" or so. He was wearing a bandana on his head, his bangs fell only a slight bit past his eyebrows, and the color was a dark brunette. His eyes were a deep mahogany that glinted with a raw, animalistic flare. He was wearing a t-shirt with some basketball team's jersey. ((I HATE basketball … so I have NO clue what team it is, all I can tell is that it is blue with orange trim)) he was wearing shorts that matched the jersey shirt and athletic socks with cross training tennis shoes. Turning my head slightly to the left, I was shocked to find myself starring at what can best be described as the polar opposite of the first boy. This boy was only about 5'6" maybe 5'7". His face is actually MORE effeminate than mine ((0.0))! His pale hair is dyed a lavender that suits him. For the most part his hair is short, save for a few clumps of hair that are long enough to reach his chin, most of these clumps are tied off with beads! His eyes are a pale, icy blue. He is wearing a bright red, boat-necked long sleeved shirt that clings to his curves ((what he has of them)) and … ((o.0)) he is wearing a skirt!! I don't think I have ever felt such respect for someone I hadn't even been introduced to yet, ((I feel truly, like I can trust him, who ever he is,)). Finally Todd and I reached the bottom of the stairs, I watched nervously as the two of them gave me the same inspection I had just given them. (("sporto" is practically leering at me, obviously he is slightly put off that I am not a jock, the other is smiling at me warmly… oh GOOD!)) finally Todd decided to actually introduce cause none of us were taking the initiative.

"Cam," he gestured toward me, "this is Nathaniel "call me Butch" Van-Burton!" Todd told me pointing to the tall, sporty guy. Then Todd leaned over and whispered quietly in my ear.

"Definitely straight!!" he hissed. Then he pointed to the little guy.

"And THIS is Luke -" but before he could finish I suddenly blurted out …

"-Skywalker!!!" ((0.0;;;;;)) he is NOT amused in the least, in-fact that warmth he radiated has completely subsided and a chill is now running up and down my spine from the icy look he is giving me. Todd cleared his throat and I was relieved by the distraction.

"-Ferreolton," he finished as if I had never interrupted him. I can see Luke grit his teeth behind his lips, one of his eyebrows arched high. I am no longer feeling as optimistic about meeting my quad-mates now.

"Lucky, Butch … THIS," the put his arm around my shoulders and pointed toward my chest.

"IS Ferris Cameron Luna …" out of the corner of my eye I can see a mischievous grin on his face. I looked back toward Luke ((err Lucky??)) to find him having a difficult time staying angry in that icy expression. Finally he began to laugh and in-between he was quoting Ferris Bueller's day off … I could feel my temperature rise. (( I HATE it when people do that!!)) but I guess I deserve it. Suddenly Todd looked down at his watch. His eyes widened.

"Schist guys! I am gonna be late to my Intro to headlines class if I don't jet now!" Todd yelped tossing his backpack over his shoulders.

"Yeh, my Art in History class is starting soon, so I should get going," Lucky said in a soft voice, pulling what looked like a sling purse over his head.

"Word! I got my Freshman Composition class to get to," Butch said as he picked up his duffle bag. None of them had gotten very far when suddenly I called out to them.

"HEY GUYS! Where do all of you come from?" I asked leaning against the banister. Todd was the first to turn around, he grinned broadly, obviously pleased in my getting involved.

"I used to resided in Battle Creek, the Cereal City BABEI! … oh and my roomy … Eric … he's from Adrian in Lenawee county close to the border to Ohio!" he said looking around at the others. Lucky was the second to turn.

"I was born n' raised in Kalamazoo!" he said just as a car came speeding through the circular drive hitting a puddle, and spraying Luke from head to toe with the disgusting brown water.

"DAMMIT!" he huffed as he stormed off, most likely in the direction of his class. Then Butch turned toward me, he looked quite proud of where he came from.

"I am from Jackson!" he said puffing out his chest. Todd looked up at me almost like a proud parent.

"And where exactly do you come from Mr. LUNA?" he asked. I was sort of taken aback, ((what exactly did I expect, that they wouldn't care about me? … Okay so that IS what I expected, so now I am pleasantly surprised! (^___^)))

"Oh, ME!?" I asked like a dumb ass. Todd just nodded in response.

"Heh heh, I'm from Sault Ste. Marie [1]… Ima YOOPER!" I proclaimed proudly. Butch looked at me like I was some sort of alien, but Todd nodded proudly … ((tee for sharing with the class!)) finally we part ways, and I am finally free to crash un-interrupted in my dorm, cause I know that everyone else has class right now! ((YESSSSSSSSSSS))

To Be Continued

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!!