Fan Fiction ❯ Elite Creatures Unleased or The Idiocy of Creatues and Their Keepers ❯ the newest room ( Chapter 1 )

Chap 1: The newest room

By: Piccard

Another fic bought to you by me, who else? This fic stars the thirteen elite creatures of DK2, and takes a look at the sort of thing that might go on about the place with thirteen creatures and an absent keeper. In case anyone is curious, I do know the names of all thirteen elite, and for those who haven't found them yet, here's a list of names and differences from the regulars:

Goblin - Grubb (Helmet and trousers)

Firefly - Bzzzt (Purple instead of Orange)

Warlock - Almeric (Red instead of Purple)

Troll - Knud (Belt is darker brown)

Bile Demon - Bloz (Maces on horns are gold)

Mistress - Dominique (Purple hair and no body paint)

Black Knight - Kaleb (Blue instead of Black)

Skeleton - Bane (Carries a shield and looks slightly metallic)

Vampire - Kessler van Doom (Purple instead of black)

Rogue - Gervaise (Darker armour)

Salamander - Furnace (Stripes down back)

Dark Elf - Zenobia (Actually has hair, blonde)

Dark Angel - Zachariah (Darker all round and has a red/ black robe)

Now let's go, elite creatures are waiting!

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the creatures above, they belong to, erm, whoever the hell made DK2! (My source says EA/ Bullfrog but I don't believe a word of it!)

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Another day at the dungeon in heartland. Since the defeat of king Reggie, there was practically bugger all to do around the place, and the keeper (Me) left his dungeon in the hands of his elite as he packed up and went on holiday with the group of faeries that he converted last week.

Almeric: Where'd he say they were going?

Gervaise: Something about a late honeymoon, man, keepers get it so lucky!

Dominique: :Laughing: I'll let you boys argue about what you'll do, I'm going to my, ahem, 'playroom'

She winked at Gervaise as she left, and he looked behind him to see the others going, "Oooohhh!"

Bloz: Gervaise hit the big time?

Gervaise: :Blushing: I walked into the torture chamber by accident yesterday, and one thing led to another.

Kaleb: Sure ya did! :Groan: I'm gonna waste time in the casino, you guys coming?

Gervaise: Of course.

Suddenly they heard a shout through the steel door behind them.

Dominique: Gervaise, I have a surprise for you.

He didn't need telling twice, he just legged it out of there and blushed madly as he heard the others laughing.

Kessler: Well, I'm getting back to my study, will you join me Almeric?

Almeric: Depends what it is

Kessler: :Smirking slightly: You'll see soon enough, but for now, too the library!

The two walked out, and the others walked to the nearby casino, with easy access to a hatchery for Bloz.

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Several hours later, several of them were severely pissed, and Kaleb was staggering about like a madman as he grabbed at something to keep himself upright, unaware that it was Bane.

Kaleb: :Drunkenly: Did I ever tell you that you have lovely eyes.

Bane: I don't even have eyeballs, piss off!

The Black Knight somehow managed to walked across the room, and tripped over Furnace, hitting the floor with a loud clang.

Kaleb: Where'd everyone go?

Furnace: :Sighing: By the reaper!

As Kaleb fainted, a braced door opened and in walked Zenobia, and all eyes turned.

Knud: Hi beautiful.

Zenobia: Piss off!

The troll sighed as Zenobia grabbed a bottle and downed it in one.

Knud: That's the kind of girl I like.

Bloz: :Looking her over: What, one with hair?

Knud: no, one who can handle her drink.

Before they could get any further, Dominique and Gervaise walked in. Well, Dominique did, Gervaise just seemed to fall forwards and ended up in Zachariah's lap.

Zachariah: You alright?

Gervaise: :Trying to catch breath: Better than alright thanks!

The Dark Angel groaned as the Rogue in his lap fainted, and Zachariah stood up, letting Gervaise drop to the floor as Almeric and Kessler walked in.

Almeric: People, could we have your attention please?

Bloz: We don't respond to niceties!

Kessler: GIVE US YOU F***ING ATTENTION, NOW!!!

Bloz: :Suddenly happy: That's better!

Almeric groaned as Kessler kept talking.

Kessler: Over the past few weeks, I have been working on a revolutionary new invention with a dear friend of mine, but he was buggered by a royal guard so Almeric here filled in at the end.

Several laughs went around the room as the warlock glared, but the vampire just laughed.

Kessler: Kidding, Joke, joke! Anyway, this will change all out lives for the better, follow me!

The others followed Kessler and Almeric out of the casino and after a minute of imitating Kessler's walk (something he hated them doing) they arrived at the dungeon heart, and immediately noticed a new wooden door in place.

Kessler: My invention is behind it, we were lucky there was a crate left behind from the invasion, and we only need a wooden door for this.

Kaleb: :Running through the door with Gervaise in tow, both panting heavily: Why's you all run away, I hadn't sung my song yet.

The others shuddered before Kessler continued.

Kessler: No, a new invention of mine that'll change all our lives.

Gervaise: You mean like your last invention to upgrade the fear traps? When Reggie came he took em down in one.

Kessler: It was scarier than the skeleton

Gervaise: Perhaps to you, but to kings and the rest of us, chickens don't simulate fear traps!

The others laughed before Kessler lost it.

Kessler: LISTEN TO ME YOU BASTARDS OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!

That shut them up.

Kessler: So without any further ado, I present to you,

An imp opened the door from the other side of the room.

Kessler: The toilet!

The others looked on partially in shock and confusion.

Bzzzt: What does it do?

Almeric: Well, when you feel the call of, erm, darkness you sit on this thing whilst removing your lower half of clothing and do your foul deeds.

The males just harrumphed

Grubb: We already do that sort of thing.

Zenobia: Yes, well now you don't have to piss and crap in the temple font!

Dominique: I'm sure that Zachariah and the gods will be happier now.

Zachariah: Damn right.

Kessler: So who wants to try it?

Without warning, the Vampire was knocked down by a speeding Bile demon, (Can they do that?) who went in and promptly locked the door.

Kessler: Don't worry, we made it out of the same stuff as the steel doors, so it'll support your weight.

Bloz: Hardy ha ha!

Various foul noises filled the air as Bloz did his deeds.

Bloz: How do I get rid of it?

Almeric: Pull the handle!

There was a flushing noise as he pulled it, and he started getting curious.

Bloz: Where'd it go?

Kessler: You don't have to worry bout that Bloz, but let's just say that your crap was royal.

They'd linked it to the realm of Butterscotch, and it shot through a massive hole in the roof of the lair, covering the three converted princes from head to toe in shit.

Tristan: What the hell?

Felix: Is this Bile Demon shit?

Balder: Very astute!

Back with the elite, Bloz finally came out of the smallish area, and as soon as the door opened, the smell hit everyone.

Knud: God above!

Kaleb: I'm gonna chuck!

The others ran out as the nearby imps spontaneously combusted. When they were safely out of range and back into the casino, Kessler started muttering to Almeric.

Kessler: Next item on the agenda, something to neutralise the smell!

There we are, my first attempt at humour! Either you liked it or you didn't. So how was it? Good, Bad, utterly pointless? Please review!

Piccard, having fun wid da faeries! /\/**