Fan Fiction ❯ Elves Make For Strange Bedfellows ❯ If You Can’t Get Rid of the Skeletons In Your Closet Then You’d Best Teach Them To Dance! ( Chapter 18 )

Chapter: 18 - If You Can't Get Rid of the Skeletons In Your Closet Then You'd Best Teach Them To Dance!

As Haldir approached the King, he could feel his burning gaze upon him making him shake slightly.

"So March Warden, what do you have to say for yourself?" The King spoke dryly to the elf now kneeling in front of him.

"Your Majesty, I…" Haldir uttered before being cut off by the King.

"You what, March Warden?! You apologize?! Is that all you can offer me?!" The King let out an eerie laugh, "And I suppose you expect me to accept this apology of yours even after you forced yourself upon my daughter, not once but thrice?"

Haldir remained silent with his eyes to the floor.

"Answer me, damn it!" The King bellowed.

"My intentions were sincere your Majesty," Haldir mumbled, a drop of sweat now ran down the side of his face.

"Your intentions were sincere! Again…Do you expect me to believe that after what I have heard!" The King approached him now, reached down and grabbed him by the chin, making Haldir look him in the eye, "You should be thankful, March Warden, that I have not ordered you castrated for your actions!"

Haldir looked back at the King, his eyes full of fear, "Your Majesty, I know my actions were uncalled for, but please know that I have learned from my mistakes," he began.

"Mistake is it now March Warden? Was it a mistake when you took Felicity's innocence in the wood and then again in your flet, or perhaps you are referring to the mistake you made only moments before you entered this realm? Oh yes, I know all about your `mistakes' as it were," the king hissed at him.

The fellowship stood silent most of them afraid to utter even a breath at this point as the king paced back and forth in front of Haldir. They were surprised, to say the least, with all that was being revealed to them.

Haldir searched for the right words to say now, what could he possibly offer to appease the king? At the very least lessen his anger; certainly he had not expected this. How could the king have known such things? Haldir inhaled deeply before offering, "I have realized through all of this that I truly love your daughter and I wish to take care of her and my child."

The king snickered now at his words, "Through all of this? All of what? Was this merely a learning experience for you? To discover your feelings?" the king sighed as he shook his head at him in disgust. Haldir did not lift his eye to him; the reality of what he had done settled into him with each word the king uttered, well not exactly uttered as it were.

"Though I will say that you are correct in saying that you will take care of Felicity and the child she now bears, make no `mistake' about that, March Warden, you shall!" The king replied before turning away and heading back to take his place next to Epoloven, who wore a devious smile upon his face.



"By what means do I find my daughters in such emotional turmoil?" came Queen Titania's voice as she entered the presence of the fellowship. They looked on as her highness strode with long steps over to the king. She was breathtaking, her tawny skin shone amidst the candle light that now engulfed them. Her cheekbones high, lips perfectly shaded bearing the color of cinnamon sticks and eyes as dark as charcoal. She paid no notice to the eyes on her now as she approached the King.

"My Queen?" King Oberon drew his eye from Haldir to his wife who looked less than pleased.

"I am," she replied sharply, "And I am also the mother of your children. Now if it pleases you, might I ask why I have found them being led away tear-trodden," she demanded.

"And what did they tell you," he began as he could only imagine what they said their mother to have her approach him in such a way.

"Oh they told me plenty!" she placed a hand on her hip now, "And now you will tell me a few things, like why you have stripped my precious daughters of their powers."


Aragorn's eye shifted to Gimli who quirked a brow and shrugged his shoulders.

"Do you think this is where Felicity gets it from?" Pippin nudged Merry.

"Shhh!" Sam interjected before he replied, "Now is not the time to be drawing attention to us," he whispered.

Legolas still looking forlorn watched as the King and Queen looked at each other with challenge in their eyes. He then thought of how Kimber must've looked when her mother came upon them; certainly it must have been a horrid sight to cause such reaction.

"I swear to you on all that is of Ediwione that I have done no such thing," the King insisted. "Perhaps that was a direct result if their disobedience. Did they tell you that they left our forest?" switching gears once more pushing the blame back to his daughters; though now that he had said that he realized that he must have sounded like a fool of course they had left the forest; they were here.

"They did." Titania replied curtly.

"Did they tell you about them?" The King motioned to the fellowship, the queen looked at them briefly before focusing her hard gaze at the king once more.

"They did," she offered.

"Did they…" the King began once more.

"Excuse me," she interjected before he continued on his tangent, "Did you bother to ask them why they were traveling with such company?"

"Well, the hobbits told me," The king referred back to their outburst but was unable to finish the thought as his wife's anger was rising.

"And did you bother to find out why they found them in our forest tied to a tree?" she tapped her foot now.

"Well, I was going to," he was searching for an excuse as to why he hadn't asked.

"Going to do what, find all of that out after you finished your temper tantrum?" the Queen scolded.

"Well no, I was going to talk to them when I was through here… is that all they told you?" the King looked a bit flustered now.

"Among other things," the Queen retorted, how dare he upset her daughters in such a way; she could've just imagined how he treated them in front of the others.

"Did they tell you that they have gone through Lorien all the while cavorting with these men, hobbits and elves," the King was trying to gain a little leverage here.

"Yes," she replied shortly.

"Did they?" the Kings glance was drawn to Legolas as he now shifted uncomfortably, "So then you know then that the Prince of Mirkwood pines for Kimber and has asked for her hand, to which I have replied," he gave her an authoritative look, "NO!" Legolas bowed his head once more.

"That is a matter to be discussed by the two of us, Kimber and her proposed attendee," she glared at him. The nerve of that pompous fairy, she thought to herself. She was not surprised to see Epoloven sitting behind him perched as a parrot on a cage swing; though quite often she wondered who was the master and who was the bird. It disgusted her to see him lean to the king once more and whisper to him.

"Oh," he paused looking to Legolas then to Haldir, "And perhaps while we are on the subject of elves let me introduce you to the barbaric one who has seduced and deduced your other daughter, Felicity, who by the way is pregnant," his nostrils panned once more, "Did you get all of that from your children or did they leave that out?" he questioned her.

Titania drew her eye from the king, taken aback by the news. They certainly had left that bit of information out. She inhaled deeply as she quickly absorbed his words then looked at the fellowship; they looked on in surprise as the Queen focused her eyes upon Haldir who still remained kneeling there looking somber.

"March Warden of the Golden Wood?" she turned to him. He looked up at her.

"I am he," he replied quietly, eyes cast downward.

"Stand to your feet," she insisted softly. Haldir obliged and offered her a polite smile.

She walked over to him and sized him up looking at him from the tips of his boots to the top of his golden head; she placed a soft hand on his broad shoulder before peering over her shoulder at her husband, "Oberon, by what means to you disparage this elf by chastising him in front of others?" she stared at him icily then fixed her dark eyes on Epoloven. The King was taken aback by her words.



"Boy if she thought that was bad, she should have been here a few moments ago," Merry sighed.

"I apologize for this barbarian, Haldir " Titania looked to him placing a hand to his cheek; before turning to address the fellowship. He let out a small sigh of relief now as he seemed to have an ally in her.

"And I apologize for myself and my harshness, as some things should be discussed in the confounds of privacy. I would ask that Lady Galadriel provide us with such quarters." she bowed to them before motioning to the Lady of the Golden Wood.

Lord Celeborn then addressed the fellowship and showed them to their quarters as Galadriel walked over to where the others were standing.

Titania acknowledged her, before turning to the King once more, "You and I along with Haldir will discuss this matter further, alone." She looked at him intently before continuing, "and by that I mean without your stooge," she peered at Epoloven who knew that he needn't even challenge her authority.

He obliged taking his leave deciding now that perhaps he would pay the fairies in question a visit.

**********

Epoloven was about to ascend to the upper flet where the guest chambers were located when he heard two familiar giggles coming from below. Looking down he saw two beautiful elf maidens perched upon a bench whispering into one another's ear as they watched the members of the fellowship settle in the tents provided to them for their stay.

Wasting no time, he swiftly glided down to them. A look of surprise came over them as they now saw Epoloven standing beside them.

"Well, well, well, Epoloven how nice to see you again," Lessien taunted him with a smile.

"Yes, for it has been too long!" Uruviel added with a giggle.

"Ladies; a pleasure as always," Epoloven bowed as he remembered their first meeting and how enjoyable it turned out to be. It had not taken him long to seduce the two of them and soon he had both of them under his power. `Yes elf maidens were too easy to sway!' he thought to himself. "And may I ask what brings such amusement to two as lovely as you?"

"Oh Epoloven, surely you know!" Lessien smiled as she returned her gaze to the fellowship.

"Ahh, so you two fancy the fellowship do you?" Epoloven quirked a brow.

"Oh yes, they are absolutely fascinating!" Uruviel replied with a desire in her eyes.

"I certainly thought that the March Warden would have satisfied you during my absence?" he raised a brow at the two of them.

"The March Warden? Please! We were most disappointed in him!" Lessien replied.

"Yes, when all was said and done...he was...unwilling!" Uruviel added with a pout.

Epoloven glared at the two as he now realized that they had not succeeded in seducing the Haldir at the spring. Stupid Wenches! Getting his anger in check he smiled widely at them, "My ladies, though I am rather disappointed in your efforts to get the March Warden, I do have yet another proposition for you."

"Oh this sounds interesting," Lessien cooed.

"Yes my beauties it is! In fact, it will be double the fun!" Epoloven smirked as he now had their undivided attention.

"What would you wish us to do?" Uruviel inquired eagerly.

"Well, the March Warden has been going through a tough time as of late…" he sighed, trying to sound sympathetic.

"Yes, we have heard that he will soon be a father," Lessien interrupted with a frown.

"That is correct and he is feeling a bit trapped by such an occurrence," Epoloven shook his head in shame before continuing, "but I am sure that after receiving a little more attention from the two of you his spirits should lift."

"I suppose we could give him another try," Lessien looked awkwardly at Uruviel, "But you also mentioned something about double the fun?" Uruviel looked now to Epoloven with questioning smile.

"Ah Yes! Once you two have taken care of the March Warden I would then like you to make sure that the Prince of Mirkwood receives your utmost attention!"

"The Prince of Mirkwood!" the two now cooed together as their eyes went wide with excitement, "Oh Epoloven you are too kind to us!"

"Ah so I suspect that you have seen him already?" Epoloven beamed now. This was just too easy!

"Oh yes, he was here just a few moments ago and then headed towards the guest flets." Uruviel replied a little disappointed.

"Now, now, do not be sad for I will see that he returns, but until then why don't the both of you go find our sad little March Warden and cheer him up." Epoloven wagged his eyebrows causing them to giggle once more.

"Then let us be on our way Lessien," Uruviel gently nudged her before looking back to Epoloven, "I hope that we will also get the chance to please you once more before your departure?"

"All in good time my sweets!" Epoloven laughed before he glided back up to his next destination.


He briskly walked across the bridge that led to the guest chambers were Kimber and Felicity were now staying. Unsure as to whom he should torment first, he finally decided that Kimber would be an easier target.

As he made his way towards her door, he happened to come upon Legolas. Brushing by, Epoloven offered him a wicked grin before smoothing back his hair and knocking on the door.

Legolas paused for a moment and watched the dark haired fairy. He had not liked Epoloven the moment he set eyes on him.

"Keep walking Prince," Epoloven sneered as he turned to look at Legolas, "You have no business here…anymore," he added with a smirk as he waited for Kimber to open her door.

Legolas, who did not want to start trouble, offered him a look of warning before walking away.

"You can save that for someone who is afraid of you," Epoloven shot back at him as Kimber opened her door to see Legolas leaving as Epoloven stood before her with a grin upon his face.

"Ah, my fairest Kimber," Epoloven spoke loud enough so that Legolas could hear, "What is the matter?" he asked in concerning tone as he noticed that she had been crying again. Kimber did not reply. "Oh, I am afraid I know…it's that Lego…Legs…whatever his name maybe." he added with a sigh as he walked past her.

"Legolas" she whimpered softly, "Epoloven please…"

"Kimber do not let all that has happened grieve you my dear. For Legolas will not have much time alone." Epoloven then reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"What do you mean by that?" Kimber sniffed, not liking how touchy he was being with her.

"Why Kimber, surely you know that he is a Prince!" Epoloven seemed shocked.

"Yes, I know that," she sighed and nodded her head.

"Well then certainly you are aware that he is surely to have several elf maidens in waiting back in Mirkwood?" Epoloven stated in a solemn tone.

"Why are you saying this Epoloven?" Kimber looked at him once more with a pained expression on her face.

"Kimber, did you honestly think that no one has come to call upon your prince?" he inquired coyly.

"No," was all she could offer.

"Well then perhaps you are more naïve then I thought," Epoloven shook his head in disappointment. "Kimber by the time he steps foot outside of this wood, you will be but a memory to him. It is best to move on with your life as he most certainly will."

"Epoloven, it has been a long and tiring day, so if you would not mind," Kimber now motioned to the door.

"Oh Kimber! I am sorry for the intrusion. Surely you wish to rest and hopefully everything will come easier for you tomorrow when we return home and you are in the safe confounds of `our' forest," he smirked.

Kimber turned from Epoloven and sighed, her tears beginning to flow more freely.

"No matter, I should have not burdened your mind with such thoughts, though perhaps it was time that someone spoke the truth to you."

"Good evening, Epoloven," was all she could muster as she saw him out the door.

"Good evening Kimber. Sleep well," he bowed slightly, taking her hand and kissing it before he headed for the door all the while bearing that devilish smirk upon his face. It pleased him to see that his next target was now but a few paces in front of him.


"Felicity?" she heard the voice of Epoloven as she walked back to her room; her pace increased a bit though she was careful to not upset the glass of water she was now carrying.

"Felicity?" he called again she could hear his footsteps quickening behind her now. She stopped and turned to him.

"What do you want?' she insisted.

"Cheeky? Do not be annoyed Felicity, I saw you walking alone and thought that I would see you to your bedchambers," he offered smugly.

She did not answer him but continued on up the stairs. Again she heard him following close behind until she arrived at her destination," Well here we are," she announced rolling her eyes at him. "Thank you and goodnight!" she huffed before entering her room; much to her dismay he followed her.

"It is the least that I could do, Felicity seeing that your `friend' is not about," he smirked.

"Well I am certain that he will be along soon, so you'd better be off," she shooed him with her hand.

"Oh yes, it is about that time, " he paused, "for the conjugal visit."

"Conjugal visit?' she raised a brow at him.

"Surely the `trap' of a child bears the likeness of a prison, does it not?" he tapped his smooth chin.

"How dare you," she accused him, "How dare you insinuate such things. You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding," she began before he interjected.

"Oh, Felicity, come now, I knew you had your eye on him for quite some time; you might be able to pull the wool over your father's eyes, but I know otherwise" he nodded as he looked intently at her. "Sneaking off to cavort with those promiscuous elves; they are filthy," he voice dripped with jealously as he thought of how she had rejected him, had he known about the Warden sooner…well that made no matter now, he thought to himself before fixing his eye upon her again.

"You have given him fruit from a vine which he had no claim to," Epoloven sneered as he approached her.

"I think its time for you to leave," she glared at him, "Or..".

"Or what?" he walked passed her over to her window, "Or you will go and fetch your elf? Silly of you to even think that you, alone, could satisfy the insatiable appetite of a March Warden, surely you must have known of his reputation?" he smirked as he looked out into the garden, "And it looks to me as though he is tending to other vineyards as of late," he offered before turning on his heel and leaving her.

She looked after him, before looking out of the window. In the distance she could see Haldir accepting what appeared to be a chalice from a fair elf maiden; she was lovely with champagne colored tresses. A feeling of sickness came over her and she looked away for a moment before turning to the window once more; tears ran down her cheeks as she watched another elf maiden come into view; she handed him a bottle of wine and the three of them walked off together into the darkness.

**********

"Haldir, what brings you to the Golden Wood?" he turned around surprised to see a lovely maiden standing before him, she looked familiar to him though at first he did not now why.

He looked at her for a moment before accepting the chalice she extended to him, now he remembered, the springs.

"It seems your hard stare has jogged your memory March Warden," she giggled.

"Ah, have you been following us, Haldir?" came a second voice from behind, he turned to see the other maiden he had encountered at the springs, he was a might embarrassed that he did not know their names; thought now that he thought of it they never offered them to him.

"It seems as though I have," he smiled before downing his drink.

"Lucky for you I have brought this," the maiden standing behind him offered him the bottle which he took form her.

"Come, let us walk for a bit," said the one with champagne tresses; that's it...he would call her champagne and the other, violet as her violet eyes were her most prominent feature, well among other things.

"Alright," he obliged as he followed them along garden paths; they arrived at a small, secluded area within a few minutes, they offered for him to take a seat on a stone bench.

Champagne sat beside him, "Haldir you look troubled," she whispered to him.

"I've just a lot on my mind," he sighed.

"Well, you are in the Golden Wood, trouble should not abound," she smiled at him.

"Well," he began.

"Do not speak," Violet insisted, "Just relax and have a drink, perhaps we can ease you ails," she whispered from behind he closed his eyes as she ran her long fingers through his hair massaging his scalp; he exhaled deeply.

"There now isn't that better," Champagne insisted. Though his eyes were closed he could feel her moving closer to him; he could feel her breasts, rubbing against his forearm.

Perhaps he would indulge himself just this once, he thought before he drew a blank as his mind clouded will feelings of grief.

"Haldir?" Violet ceased her massage "Are you well?" she asked curiously as he sat straight up now.

"Yes, no, perhaps I've had too much wine," he stood to his feet and placed a hand to his head. He didn't even offer them a goodbye as he headed swiftly back to his bedchambers.

Thinking that the wine had caused him ill effects he lay down on his bed. Though surely it had not; he had consumed more wine than that on one occasion and he was certainly of sound mind; he deduced. He closed his eyes. Once more stricken will feelings of pain and sadness. He wondered what could have come over him, perhaps if he rested a bit he would be well by morning.

**********

Felicity sat on her bed with her back to the door, she could feel eyes upon her and glanced over her shoulder to see Frodo standing there.

"Felicity?" he looked to her, "Is now not a good time?"

"Frodo please come in," she sighed, was there ever a good time for this? She knew that this was going to be a very uncomfortable conversation.

"Are you okay?" he walked over to where she was sitting on the bed, her eyes were bloodshot, her nose reddened.

"Yes I am fine Frodo, and how are you?" she whispered.

"Good," he replied awkwardly.

"You don't look good," she offered, noting his somberness. She inhaled deeply, "Frodo, I am so sorry."

"Felicity you don't have to apologize," he smiled politely at her.

"Yes I do Frodo, what I did to you was wrong, I should never have led you on in such a way," she lowered her head.

"You cannot lead someone if they are not willing to follow," he replied lowering his head to meet her gaze.

"Yes but it was wrong to do that to you with Haldir…" she began.

"Felicity, I knew of your feelings for one another when I first caught sight of you together, even at the springs," he sighed.

"You did?" she looked up at him now.

"I would've had to been blind not to, why every time I even looked in your direction, I caught a glare from him," he offered a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"And still you succumbed to my advances?" she quirked a brow at him.

"For a time I thought that I was one up on Haldir," he puffed out his chest, "Can you imagine? An ordinary hobbit catching the eye of a March Warden's lady?" he smiled brightly.

"Frodo, my dear, you are no ordinary hobbit," she looked at him, thinking now of the fact that he was here and Haldir was not; a tear ran down her cheek.

"Felicity? What is wrong?" he wiped her face with his soft hands.

"Will you look at me? I have caused nothing but trouble for everyone," she thought of him and of Kimber who never would have been in her room heart broken were it not for her dragging her off to see the elves and of course she thought of Haldir who was now obligated to her.


"Well some call it trouble, I call it adventure," he smiled. She couldn't help but to hug him, he always knew just the thing to say to bring a smile to her face.

"Now," he pulled away from her and climbed up on the large bed, "Without offering you any offense, you look wretched, why don't you come and have a rest." He patted his shoulder, "for old times sake."

She climbed over to him and rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. He smoothed her dark hair and rested his head on hers. He thought now of their days spent together, walking and talking, how she had kissed him, their time by her version of the Shire. He sighed heavily as he thought of that day, perhaps if he had not left her, it would be him she would be spending the rest of her days with.

**********

"Oberon! Answer me when I speak to you!" the Queen bellowed. She was now beyond furious with her husband as he was deliberately ignoring her.

The King remained still as he sat in chair and stared aimlessly at the fireplace. So much had happened in that one day that he was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

"Ignoring me is not going to make all of this go away!" Titania now moved to stand before him, "Now shall we discuss this and come to an agreement about our daughters futures or shall I take matters into my own hands?" she spoke soft yet sternly to him.

King Oberon let out a heavy sigh, "Why Titania? Why is this happening to us?" giving her a look of distress, "It was nearly two ages ago when it was decided that we, the fairies, would secede our relations with all of the other races of Middle-earth and live amongst ourselves in harmony, and now we are once again thrust back into this world filled with evil and turmoil!"

The Queen shook her head, "Oberon, maybe this is a sign that it is time for the fairies to once again rise and reunite with all of the others. We have been advised by Galadriel, that Middle-earth is facing a horrible evil, that if it succeeds, will eventually lead to the destruction of all."

"I do not want to be part of this war! Nor, do I want my children to be associated with it in any way!" The King bellowed.

"Well unfortunately, your daughters are, Oberon! And soon we shall be grandparents of a lovely baby!" the Queen insisted with anticipation as she thought of how lovely it would be to have a child around once more.

"A cross-breed you mean!" the King hissed.

"It amazes me sometimes at how ignorant you can be!" Titania scolded, "Do not forget my dear husband that this child will also be a part of you as well!"

"Yes I know Titania, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!" Oberon grumbled.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! Acting like you are above all others!" the Queen stared coldly at him now.

"I am the King am I not?" Oberon challenged.

"The King of the Jack Asses!" Tatiana retorted.

"Well at least I never fell in love with one!" the King lashed back as he now stood and headed towards the balcony.

The Queen bit down on her lip, trying to restrain herself from replying to his unruly comment; she would make him pay for that later. "Let us not stray from the subject Oberon!" she called as she followed him close behind."Our daughters?"

"It is what it is, Tatiana! Felicity shall remain here in Lothlorien. I have spoken to Lord Celeborn and it has been agreed that she will "officially" marry that baboon of a March Warden in two days, so as to save us from any embarrassment in Ediwione," the King sighed.

"Embarrassment? If we were to suffer embarrassment it would haven at your hands, carrying on as an idiot would've in front of all the races in Middle-earth," she began.

"Next topic, please" the king insisted before she continued on with her tangent.

"What of Kimber? What plans do you have for our heartbroken daughter?" Tatiana questioned.

"Kimber shall return to Ediwione with us after her sister's wedding."

"Do you think that is a wise decision? For I feel that she as well as the Prince, hold a great love for one another," the queen insisted.

"Tatiana, I have lost one daughter, I will not lose the other!" the King spun quickly to look at his wife.

"You will not reconsider this decision?" she now gazed deep into his eyes, "for the happiness of your daughter?" she half pleaded.

"Tatiana, my decision is final!" the King replied firmly.

The Queen sighed, "Then will you at least let your daughters have their powers back and maybe try to find out how they managed to lose them?"

"As I am curious as to how they lost them, yes I will look into such, but as far as returning them, I
feel that it is additional punishment for both of them to suffer for leaving our realm."

Tatiana rolled her eyes as she could not believe what she was hearing, "Oberon, what has happened to you! You never used to be like this!" Tatiana questioned him in disbelief, "You always took the time to consider things before making a decision but ever since you made Epoloven your advisor, you have turned into a pig headed idiot!"

"Oh leave Epoloven out of this! He has been nothing but a faithful servant. Besides you are still upset of the fact that I did not give Epoloven's rank to Puck!"

Tatiana was enraged as this was turning into a no-win situation. There seemed to be no way to get through to him, which upset her greatly. He was definitely not the same man she had married and she knew from the bottom of her heart that Epoloven had something to do with it! She quietly left the chamber to go check on her daughters but before she did she discretely chanted several spells, one returning her daughters powers back, the other to beckon a certain someone who may be of some help to her in getting to the bottom of this.