Fan Fiction ❯ Everything You Want ❯ Longing To Be With You ( Chapter 19 )

Everything You Want

Chapter 19:

Longing To Be With You

 

 

 

 

 

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky…

 

 

 

 

 

You know that saying, you never know how much you'll miss something until it's gone? Cole had never grasped just how true that statement was before the day Bella had literally run from his life. The world had become a dark and dreary place without her luminous presence in it.

 

He'd become so accustomed to seeing her everyday, to hearing her voice, to feeling her touch. It was like a part of his soul had been ripped away from him, the pain was almost overwhelming. He felt… empty.

 

Life had been so easy for him up to that point. He couldn't remember a time when Bella hadn't been by his side, in his arms, in his heart. The need to be near her, with her, was a natural thing. Like breathing. Cole felt like he was suffocating without her… The air was stagnant, choking him, mocking him. One word chanted in his mind like a mantra…

 

`Why, Why, Why, Why…'

 

He just didn't understand why she felt she had to leave him to find herself. Didn't she realize that she was a part of him? It wasn't that he wanted her to rely on him for everything, but he didn't want to be kept completely from her life, either. Maybe that wasn't her intention, but he couldn't help feeling like she'd left him behind…

 

 

 

 

 

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

 

 

 

 

 

School was the worst. At least at home, by himself, he didn't have to see her. They would pass each other in the hall like strangers, neither saying a word to the other. The silence was slowly stifling him.

 

He often found himself staring at her. Finding excuses to leave his own classes to briefly visit hers. He couldn't help himself, even though it hurt to see her, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of her. She was like a drug. The restraint it took to not reach out and touch her, to hold her close and breathe in her intoxicating scent… It was almost too much for his overtaxed brain to take.

 

But still, he went out of his way to be near her, around her. Just one glimpse of his beautiful, unattainable angel was enough to floor him. After the school day was over, he would often peek into the art room to watch her while she worked with Ms. McCloon.

 

His eyes would eagerly drink up the image of her just sitting there; hunched over the paper she was working on. Her long, flaxen strands obscuring her vision, tickling her cheeks. His fingers itched with the desire to tuck the locks behind her ear, to trace the delicate features of her face. To feel the warmth of her skin…

 

 

 

 

 

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial…

 

 

 

 

 

Despite his oftentimes irresistible urges, Cole kept his distance, respected her wishes. He didn't desire anything that would prolong this forced separation. All he wanted was for her to find what it was she was looking for. The elusive entity that was keeping her from being with him completely. The quicker she did that, the sooner he could take her back under his wing.

 

Though his yearning for her to let him help her was strong, Cole understood that without her learning to trust herself, she would never be able to trust him. He knew she thought she trusted him, but if that was true, she would've never hesitated to tell him about her `relationship' with Derrick.

 

As much as she would like to deny that fact, Cole knew it to be true. And as much as he abhorred the reason for her leaving him, in the back of his mind, Cole knew she was right. This was something she had to do on her own, the only way she'd finally be able to live life like it's supposed to be lived.

 

Cole just desperately wished his heart was as reasonable as his head…

 

 

 

 

 

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

 

 

 

 

 

So his days, as cruel and meaningless as they were without Bella's presence, steadily passed him by; every one slowly eating away at his already precarious mental state.

 

His parents were extremely concerned about him. What had happened to the optimistic, upbeat, loving boy they used to know? In his place there was a sullen, sunken eyed, depressed stranger in their son's clothing. They tried to talk to him, to get him to reveal what had brought him to his current state, but he just brushed them off and shut himself up in his room.

 

Some nights, Mrs. Hastings would sneak in to check on him, only to find that he'd once again fallen asleep at his desk, a picture of Bella clutched in his fingers. She knew that something had happened with the two of them, but neither of them would tell her what.

 

She had run into Bella the other night at Wal Mart, and wasn't surprised to find her in much the same condition as her son. Clothes wrinkled, sad blue eyes tired and dull, blond hair stringy and tangled… But again, any attempt she made to understand what it was that had caused their breakup was firmly pushed aside.

 

Mrs. Hastings could nothing but pray for her son and adopted daughter, and hope, for their sakes, that they could resolve whatever issues they had between them…

 

Quickly…

 

 

 

 

 

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want to

Leave it all behind?

 

 

 

 

 

Hell. She was in hell. She had to be, nothing else could explain why every time she caught a glimpse of Cole, a little part of her died. Bella couldn't stand to see the longing in his despondent green eyes, couldn't take the pain she saw permanently etched into the lines of his face.

 

Every single day that passed she asked herself why again she wasn't with him. Why they needed to be apart. At night, her dreams were consumed with memories of their time together, ranging from when they were children until just recently. Every morning her pillow would be soaked from her tears.

 

Bella kept telling herself that the first few weeks without him would be the hardest; that soon, things would get easier. Eventually, she would be able to see him without wanting to throw herself in his arms. To beg for him to take her back, to save her from her lonely existence without the light he provided to warm and guide her.

 

As much as she tried, as much as she lectured the importance of standing on her own two feet, Bella still found herself wishing for a safety net. For someone or something to steady her, to ease her transition into this new, unknown world she was attempting to immerse herself in.

 

Was that so wrong? Couldn't she still be her own person and have someone to lean on? Why did learning to be on her own have to be so damn… lonely…?

 

 

 

 

 

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind...

 

 

 

 

 

All Cole could do was wait, like he promised. Until the day she found her way back to him, he would have to make do with dreams and memories. Until that day, his rebellious eyes would just have to watch her from afar…

 

Catching a movement from the corner of her eye, Bella put down her pencil and glanced over at the door way to the art room.

 

“Cole…” she whispered softly.

 

She knew he'd been there. She didn't need to see him… She could feel him.

 

`God, I miss you…'

 

 

 

 

 

*~~~~A/N~~~~*

 

 

 

There ya go, my first attempt at integrating a song into a chapter. How'd I do? Oh, I have a pic of Bella that my best friend (and muse lol) drew all ready for this story, but Media Miner is being a bitch and refuses to let me upload it. So, I've come up with a temporary solution while I work on my uploading problems. If you'd like to see the pic, please e-mail me at foamyfan15010@yahoo.com, and I will send it to you personally. Anime Spiral people, I don't even know how to go about putting the pic on that site. Any info you can provide would be GREATLY APPRECIATED. lol As always, thanks to all my readers and reviewers. You guys are awesome. :o)

 

Song used above is called Blower's Daughter (horrible name, I know) by Damien Rice. If anyone's seen the movie Closer, then you've heard the song. Personally, I love it, despite the repetitive lyrics . If you've never listened to it, I strongly suggest you check it out. :o)

 

 

 

 

 

*~~Media Miner Reviewers~~*

 

 

 

Darkfire Storm: *takes a bow* Thank you. lol :o) I'm glad that I'm not too predictable. I try to keep you guys on the edges of your seats…

 

 

Amaria: Derrick is a sick bastard, you're right. *pinches herself* I can't believe I created such a butt head character!!! lol

 

 

 

 

*~~Anime Spiral Reviewer(s)~~*

 

 

 

LT Stryffe: Awwww, don't cry… *hands you a tissue* It'll be ok, I promise. Derrick will get his… Karma has a way of coming back to kick you in the ass when you least expect it. ;o) *hugz*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next Chapter: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back