Fan Fiction ❯ Falling For You ❯ If You Only Knew... ( Chapter 17 )

This chapter is dedicated to my friend, and fellow writer, quirkyslayer. Thanks so much for all your help and support, it means so much to me!

 

 

Falling For You

Chapter 17

If You Only Knew…

 

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

“Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her…” 

 

--Author Unknown

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

 

 

`Where are you? I thought you were right next to me, but I guess I lost you somewhere along the way…'

 

Sighing deeply, Brent looked down at the dark haired girl snuggled against his side and frowned. `She might as well be a million miles away. Why I can't I reach her?' His room, silent except for the pitter patter of rain drops on the windowpane and the soft sounds of Breanna's breathing, was cloaked in shadows. No light, not even the glow from the moon, could penetrate the gloom that hung like cobwebs around him.

 

Brushing his finger tips over her cheek, he silently willed her to wake up and look at him; to smile and tell him that he was being silly, to reassure him that he was not losing her- to tell him that she loved him.

 

`She doesn't love you…'

 

Scowling, Brent's shoulders tensed as he remembered the slightly mocking words Cassandra had spoken to him so many months ago. Though he kept telling himself she was just drunk and trying to get a rise out of him, disconcerting doubts endlessly plagued his thoughts.

 

`Why doesn't she ever want to spend the weekends with me anymore?'

 

`Why all of a sudden is she giving up things she used to care about?'

 

`What is she hiding?'

 

 

It wasn't like she was cold towards him or unaffectionate. In fact, she seemed to be happier than he had ever seen her before. He knew how excited she was about taking dance again and how nervous she was about applying for a job. Brent had been shocked to hear how she and her mother had fought few days earlier. The Breanna he used to know would've never spoken to her mom like that.

 

He was not at all upset, in fact, he was kind of proud of her. He just wished that she would've told him about her desire to dance, and about her decision to get a job and step down from the student council. It hurt that she hadn't talked to him about something some obviously important to her. What good was he as a boyfriend if she didn't talk to him?

 

Her unwillingness to share her feelings wasn't the only thing that was worrying him. He was also troubled by the way she responded to the physical aspect of their relationship. She kissed him and he felt like she was thinking of something else. He couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly was off, but he had learned to trust his instincts. They were usually right, and right now they were telling him that every day Breanna was slipping further and further away.

 

Even now, after they'd been together in the closest way possible mere hours ago, Brent found himself feeling more alone and disconnected than ever. And the most frustrating thing about all of it was, on the outside at least, Breanna was nothing but passionate and loving. Only when he looked into her eyes did he notice how forced her reactions to him seemed to be.

 

A soft giggle bringing his attention back to the present, Brent gazed down at his girlfriend's upturned face and smiled. “Hey, sleepy head. I was wondering when you were gonna wake up.”

 

Yawning, Breanna smiled and propped her head up on his bare chest. “I've been awake for a couple of minutes, watching you. What were you thinking about? You looked so serious.”

 

He shrugged. “Nothing important. I was just thinking.”

 

Breanna smiled and reached up to tweak his nose affectionately. “Ok, if you say so.” Sitting up, she reached over the side of the bed and grabbed her cell phone from her purse. “Oh, wow. It's almost midnight! I gotta go.”

 

“What? Why? Can't you just stay here tonight?” Brent asked, desperately trying to think of a reason why it would be better for her to stay rather than go.

 

Shaking her head, Breanna pulled on a pair of sweatpants and began searching for her hoodie. “No, I promised Corey I would take him trick-or-treating tomorrow, and I need to start applying for jobs. Besides, my mom would flip. She's still pissed at me for all that crap that happened last week. Believe me, I'd rather stay here with you, but millions of annoying little kids and candy await me. Sorry, baby.”

 

Brent sighed. `Well, there goes that idea…'

 

Watching her as she bustled about gathering her things, he couldn't quite push from his mind the suspicion she was just coming up with reasons to avoid spending time with him. That thought alone was enough to drive him crazy.

 

“Breanna?”

 

“Uh-huh,” she mumbled distractedly as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun.

 

“You and me… We're okay, right?”

 

A small smile on her lips, Breanna closed the distance between them and enveloped him in her embrace. “Of course we're okay, silly. Why wouldn't we be?”

 

Breathing in the unique mix of coconuts and baby powder that was all her own, Brent buried his nose in her neck and whispered, “Tell me that you love me, Bre.”

 

There was a moment of hesitation, and then a barely audible sigh. “I love you, Brent.” Pulling back, she flashed him a weak smile and then slid off the bed. “I gotta get going, ok? I'll call you tomorrow sometime and let you know how the job hunting went.”

 

Not trusting himself to speak, he simply nodded and waved as she blew him a kiss and closed the door quietly behind her. Releasing the breath he had been holding, Brent flopped back onto the pillows and stared listlessly up at his ceiling.

 

`Well, what are you going to do now?'

 

`What can I do? I've been with her for two years and still haven't been able to get her to completely open up to me. I've tried everything.'

 

`That kind of directionless thinking will get you nowhere. I'll ask you again, what are you going to do?'

 

Rolling over and gazing out the window into the bleak, stormy October night, Brent frowned. `The only thing I can do if I want her to remain by my side is to keep trying…'

 

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

 

As she quickly exited his house and ran to her car, Breanna kept a hand over her mouth so Brent wouldn't hear her muffled sobs as she fought back the waves of guilt threatening to tear her apart from the inside. Slamming the door, she curled up in the driver's seat and dropped her forehead to the steering wheel.

 

“Oh, God, Brent…” she whispered, tears running down her cheeks as the vision of pleading hazel eyes mercilessly tormented her. She could still feel the way he'd flinched under her hands in that brief moment of hesitation before she said she loved him. She wondered if he knew she was lying.

 

`Well, obviously he suspects something is amiss, why else would he have asked if we were still ok?'

 

Straightening up and looking in the rear view mirror, Breanna's hands trembled as she pushed back the tendrils of hair that had escaped from her bun. `I feel like such a terrible person,' she thought to herself as she started her car and pulled out of Brent's driveway.

 

`Then fix this. Go back to the way things used to be before Devon came into your life.'

 

She shook her head and let out another small, quiet sob. `I don't think I can. I…I'm already in too deep to back out now.'

 

`Are you sure it's not just all the orgasmic sex keeping you with him?'

 

Breanna choked out a watery laugh. `No…the sex is awesome, don't get me wrong, but it's so much more than that. So much more…'

 

`What does that mean? Are you in love? Are you in love with Devon?'

 

`Love? Lust? I don't know the difference. Not anymore. All I know is that I'm not ready to let him go. There's still too much I want to know, so much I want to do.'

 

`He's never given you any indication that he wants to be with you any longer than this year.'

 

Wiping the back of her hand over her eyes, Breanna sighed. `I don't want to think about that right now.'

 

`Just because you don't want to see something, or think about something, doesn't mean it's not there, Breanna. How long are you going to keep stringing Brent along and denying your feelings for Devon?'

 

`Until the time is right.'

 

`You truly are a fool…'

 

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

 

Staring bleary eyed at the coffee maker as he waited for it to finish percolating, Brent yawned and stretched. Trying to sleep after Breanna left had proved to be a futile effort. Instead of rest, he had just tossed and turned and generally made a mess of his covers and sheets. Around five that morning he'd given up, dragged his weary body out of bed, and indulged in a cold shower in an attempt to wake himself up. Now he stood in his kitchen, clad in only his boxers, waiting for the pretty, pretty coffee to finish brewing.

 

`Mmmmm… coffee…'

 

Cheering silently as the red light flashed, he grabbed his mug and was just about to pour himself a cup when the doorbell chimed. Groaning loudly, he set the mug on the stove and made his way grumpily toward the front door. “Who in the hell is at my door at six thirty in the morning,” he grumbled, momentarily forgetting his current state of undress.

 

Pulling the door open, he froze in shock as startled brown eyes appraised his half naked form. “Uh…”

 

Blushing furiously, Cassandra averted her eyes and mumbled, “I… um… is Breanna here? She said she was heading over to your house when I talked to her on the phone last night, and then she hung up before I could tell her that I needed her notes for first period, so I figured I'd just come by before school and see if I could get them from her.”

 

“Cassie.”

 

So flustered that she didn't even hear Brent say her name, she continued to babble nervously, “So, yeah, um… Is she here? If not, I can just go and get out of your… Oh God! I didn't wake you up, did I? I am so sorry! I completely forgot what time it was on the account of being so nervous about those notes and I-“

 

“Cassie!”

 

As he finally got Cassandra's attention, Brent smiled and stood back to motion her inside. “No, sorry, Breanna's not here. She left late last night. No, you didn't wake me up, I've been awake since, like, five, and please come inside, because I'm freezing my ass off standing here in my underwear.”

 

Her face flushing scarlet once again, Cassie nodded and stepped inside. Returning his smile, she followed him into the kitchen and sat down to wait while he went upstairs to put some clothes on. `You're a genius, Cassie. Could you possibly embarrass yourself anymore? I'll bet he thinks you're a complete ditz now…'

 

Looking up as he reentered the room dressed in his school uniform, Cassie had to restrain herself from anxiously wringing her hands. `Does he know how gorgeous he is?' she wondered to herself as she observed the way his thick, blond hair fell across his forehead and tickled the collar of his shirt.

 

“Did you want a cup of coffee or something?” Brent asked as he poured the steaming liquid into the mug he'd left on the stove.

 

Nodding, Cassie replied gratefully, “God, yes. Please.”

 

Chuckling, he handed her the cup and pulled down another one for himself from the cupboard. “So what class is it that you need those notes for? I might be able to help you out.”

 

“Oh, Pre-Calc. Do you take it, too?”

 

“Mmm-hmm. Third period, you're in luck.”

 

“Great, thank you so much, Brent. I really appreciate it.”

 

He shrugged nonchalantly. “No problem. Meet me at my locker and I'll give them to you.”

 

At first she hadn't noticed, but now that she was really listening, Cassandra could hear how tired Brent's voice sounded. Tired… and sad. Taking a sip of her coffee, she peered at him over the rim of her cup and observed the dark circles beneath his eyes. `Wow, he looks like crap. I wonder… Oh. Shit. Does he know about Breanna?'

 

“Are you ok, Brent? You look kinda tired.”

 

Gently kneading at his temples, he replied, “Yeah, I'm alright. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night.”

 

“So nothing's… bothering you? Nothing you want to talk about?”

 

Giving her an odd look, he said, “Like what?”

 

Fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket, she mumbled, “I don't know. It just seems like you have something on your mind.”

 

“Not really. Just a bout of insomnia, I guess.”

 

“Ok, if you say so.”

 

Falling silent, Cassandra and Brent busied themselves with their coffee and avoided looking at one another. Both knew that the conversation wasn't over, but neither had a clue how to approach the subject they really wanted to talk about without giving away more than they were willing to share at the moment.

 

Breanna...

 

Unable able to take the awkward silence any longer, Brent cleared his throat and set his now half empty mug down. “Alright, do you want to know the truth? What's really bothering me?”

 

“I asked, didn't I?”

 

“You're a real smart ass, did you know that?”

 

“Sorry,” she apologized, “I just can't help myself sometimes. But, seriously, I do want to know.”

 

Sighing, he sat back in his chair and briefly closed his eyes as he muttered, “With Breanna, I just don't know what to do about her anymore. I don't think she's happy with me, but I also don't know how to fix it.” Sitting up, he looked at Cassandra and said, “What do you think I should do?”

 

`Ha… If you only knew…You definitely wouldn't be asking me that question…'

 

Cassandra made a helpless gesture with her hands. “I don't know what to tell you, Brent. She hasn't said anything to me about being unsatisfied with your relationship.” That was true, at least. She really hadn't said anything to her.

 

Brent's eyes brightened slightly. “Really? She hasn't? And she would tell you, right? If she wasn't happy? You would be the first person she would go to?”

 

Carefully wording her answer, she replied, “She always has before.”

 

“Wait a second. What about all that stuff you told me about her not really being in love with me?”

 

“I was drunk and upset, Brent. Nothing more.”

 

Letting out a sigh of relief, he reached over and squeezed the hand that was clutching her coffee cup. “Thank you so much, Cass. I feel so much better now. I was driving myself crazy thinking she was going to leave me or something. You've really put my mind at ease.”

 

Biting back the urge to scream in frustration, Cassie simply smiled. “Don't mention it.” She said softly as she slipped her purse over her shoulder and put her cup by the sink.

 

Getting to his feet, Brent grabbed his keys and followed Cassandra to the door. “Ya know, you and I should really spend more time together. You're a really great friend.”

 

Gazing up into his wide, honest hazel eyes, Cassie murmured, “I'd like that.”

 

“Than it's settled. You and I will definitely have to get together sometime this week, ok? See ya at school!”

 

Returning his wave as he hopped into his car and pulled out of the driveway, Cassandra watched as he drove away with tears blurring her vision.

 

`Friends, huh?'

 

`Cheer up, kiddo. It's a start, right?

 

Carefully wiping away her tears so as not to smudge her eye makeup, Cassandra took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. `You're right. It is a start.'

 

Making her way to her car with a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth, she thought, `And I intend on taking full advantage of it.'

 

 

 

 

*~~~~A/N~~~~*

 

 

Yay! Over 300 reviews! You guys ROCK! Thank you all so much! -hugz- Anyway, this chapter is for all of the people who were wondering what the hell was going on with Brent. Now you know. lol Oh, and this question seemed to pop up a lot in people's reviews this last time around… When is Brent going to find out about Breanna and Devon? Not for awhile, people. I'm fairly positive that this story is going to be pretty long, so don't look for too much in that area at the moment, ok? Right now I'm going to spend a lot of time developing characters and character relationships, because there is so much more drama to come. So, I hope you're in for a long ride. :o)

 

Alrighty, now it's time for a poll. I've been tossing around the idea of a sequel to Everything You Want, and I'd like to know what you guys think. Would you like to read a sequel? Let me know…

 

Alright, thanks for sticking with me, and sorry for the long ass author's note. I hope you liked the chapter!

 

 

*~~Media Miner Reviewer(s)~~*

 

 

firemoonhalk: See? I told you I wouldn't forget you! lol Anyway, thanks so much for understanding the gap in between updates. I do try to update every week, but it can be hard sometimes. I hope you liked the chapter!

 

*~~Anime Spiral Reviewers~~*

 

 

LT Stryffe: LOL You crack me up… I'm glad my writing is vivid enough for you to picture what's going on, I worry about my amount of detail sometimes. About the publishing thing… Well, I'm working on it. lol Wish me luck. :o)

 

eatinalive: Ten points and a gold star for saying BOO YA. LMAO Every time I see that review I giggle. Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you're cool with the Denny's thing.

 

18Unrestricted81: I'm not sure if I should be upset, or amused… lol I'm really sorry that you feel I have too much sex in my story, but (and I don't mean to sound rude or mean) if you don't like reading stuff like that, either (1) Skip over it or (2) Pay attention to ratings and warnings, because this story is rated R for a reason. As for there being too many lemons, I really only have one, in chapter six. Again, I am sorry that you were offended, but I just want to warn you ahead of time that there will be more adult content of that nature and if you're not comfortable reading that kind of thing, you might not want to read this story. Or, like I said above, just skip over it. Thanks so much for the reviews, and I do hope you'll continue to read! :o)

 

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*~~Fiction Press Reviewers~~*

 

 

FairyOfDeath: Awwww! Thanks so much! -hugz-

 

Kayla: Will she? I don't know… I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out, huh? :o)

 

bluz: Awesome. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint.

 

Jmarit17: Yes! I'm naughty! lol No, but really, thank you so much. I'm glad you like the story so much.

 

Lightening Storm: Nope. lol No gold stars for you. :o) The reference was when Corey told his dad that he thought his mom was going to kill Breanna. I hope this chapter helped clear away any questions about what Brent was up to. I'll try to include him more often, ok?

 

summer is no more: YAY! Thank you so much! Please keep reading and reviewing, ok?

 

Une denier danse: First, what does your screen name mean, because it's so pretty. Second, keep in mind that just because Brent isn't mentioned in every chapter doesn't mean that him and Bre aren't hanging out with one another. These last few chapters I wanted Bre and Devon to be the main focus, that's why I didn't include a lot of interaction between her and Brent. Now that the story is progressing, you'll see a lot more interaction between them, ok? If you have any other questions or concerns, let me know. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :o)

 

alexialynne: I think I already covered everything in your review in that e-mail, so… lol Oh, by the way, I'll be writing you back sometime tonight. Sorry the chapter was late, I hope you liked it!

 

Marylyn-Mercy: Yeah, me, too. She needs a little something for herself, eh? :o) Thanks for reading!

 

quirkyslayer: I'm glad you liked the confrontation, it was really fun to write. lol As for Cassie, I hope you can better see where I'm gonna take her character. Thanks so much for all your help!

 

Kayli: LOL The inner thoughts are really just there for your benefit. I swear they're not schizo. I hope this chapter and the author's note covered all your concerns/questions about Brent, but I'm sure you hate Bre even more than you did before. If that's even possible. lol Expect to see a lot more of Brent and Cassie in the coming chapters.

 

raycheld20: Uh-oh… Reading at work! Shame on you! lol Nah, I'm just kidding. Thanks for braving your bosses' wrath to read my story. I'm glad you liked it!

 

I'm Your Dirty Little Secret: AWESOME screen name! :o) As for the inner thoughts and arguments (and this totally up to you) I know they keep be quite tedious (and I'll try to tone them down, ok?) but I wouldn't suggest you skip over them. There are a lot of very important confessions and revelations you'll miss if you do that. But, like I said, that's totally up to you. Thanks so much for reading!

 

the-daughter-chosen: You did?! LOL That's so awesome! How'd it go? Did you learn anything about him that you didn't know about before?

 

StormwolfX3: I'm glad you like/approve of Breanna's changes. Expect lots more. She's going to be learning many, many new things about herself in the future. Yeah, her mom is a bitch. Much more drama to come with her… lol Thanks for reading!

 

lostgirluk: Yeah, it's about time, huh? lol Thanks for the review!

 

Rawr: LOL That line about Halloween in this chapter was just for you. Your review cracked me up!

 

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Stevshals: A novel, really? Thank you so much! -preens- lol :o)

 

sexy-tease: lol Hey, I just figured I'd make sure. :o) Thanks!

 

JustmeMeme: I'm so glad you feel you can relate to Breanna. I've had so many people tell me that she seems a little unreal, so it's refreshing to hear something like that. Can you borrow him? I'll see what I can do about that. Devon, Breanna, Cassandra, and Brent are all eighteen, yes. Sorry, I guess I should've mentioned that. So, yeah, it's ok that Devon lives alone. I'm glad you liked the playground scenes. It was really fun to write. I do hope you'll continue to read and review! Thanks!

 

virgo-valentina: lol I'll see what I can do about, ok? :o)

 

 

 

Next Chapter: Hamsters, Staplers, and New Experiences