Fan Fiction ❯ Illusia ❯ Koura - A Lonely One 2 ( Chapter 45 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Serenitychan13 
Chapter 2: Scars, Physical and Mental
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.25.2004 | Updated On: 01.25.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 176 | Status: Completed
Chapter 2: Scars, Physical and Mental
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.25.2004 | Updated On: 01.25.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 176 | Status: Completed
Chapter 2
About two hours later, Illusia started to come around. I don’t think Terran took his eyes off her the entire time. As she moved her head a little bit, almost conscious, he stroked her cheek tenderly. Slowly, he shifted her up in his arms to hold her close to his chest. I was still amazed. How did Illusia do that? Terran’s shoulder didn’t seem to be bothering him in the least now. At least it wasn’t bent like that anymore…
Illusia’s eyes finally fluttered open. Terran held her so close that it took her a while to realize he hadn’t put his shirt back on, just his coat. Her eyes went wide and she sat bolt upright. I was trying not to laugh as she turned at least five different shades of red. That’s not even beginning to cover the colors Terran was turning… I think at one point his face actually turned a rather unusual plum shade.
The shirt was a lost cause. There was too much blood soaked into it. The once-white fabric was starting to stiffen as the blood dried. Terran wouldn’t touch it. Illusia took one look at it and almost got sick. At least his coat hadn’t been affected much. Both he and Illusia were wrapped in it.
I was getting tired of the silence. It was beginning to get very uncomfortable.
“Terran… Are you alright now?”
“I’m fine,” he said softly. “Thank you… Both of you…”
Illusia smiled up at him. I reached over and ruffled his hair, just like I had always done to him when we were younger. It was times like this that I hated having lost the use of one eye. I couldn’t see very well with just my right eye. Well, I couldn’t judge distances. And if I wanted to see something clearly, I had to tilt my head down and to the side so that I was looking at it at a funny angle. Since it was so dark, I couldn’t even see my brother’s face. All I could see was a vague outline. A little bit of lavender told me where Illusia was.
Illusia saw me looking at her and Terran in my unusual way. I couldn’t see the expression on her face, but her voice told me how concerned she was.
“It’s your eye, isn’t it?” she asked softly.
I nodded and closed my one working eye. I was so ashamed of the ugly scar that cut across my face and half blinded me. Every day it reminded me of what I had done. She must have seen my expression change for a second, because she reached over and gently touched my hand.
“I think I might be able to do something about it,” she said quietly. “Do you want me to try?”
My jaw dropped. Could she really get rid of that horrible scar? At this point, I was sick to death of being unable to see my brother’s face and having to tilt my head in all kinds of unnatural ways just so I could make out which way was up or down. Basically, I was willing to try anything now. I let my shoulders relax with a sigh.
“Why not? Give it a try…”
It didn’t seem like she could get up right now, so I got up and sat down on the log beside Terran. Gently, she traced the scar with her finger. She started to concentrate and her hand glowed faintly, but didn’t have enough energy to do much. With my one good eye, I saw Terran take her hand in both of his, helping her. Gradually, I began to feel a gentle warmth in the center of my scar. I could feel the two concentrating harder and the sensation spread. Illusia traced the line of the scar one last time and pulled her hand away.
“Koura?” she asked, her voice so soft I could barely hear it. “I… I think that’s about done it… Try opening your eye.”
I closed my right eye and, to my surprise, was able to open both eyes together. I could feel myself beginning to tear up. I could see my brother smiling at me, leaning his head on Illusia’s hair. I saw Illusia smiling shyly at me. I didn’t bother holding back happy tears as I grinned back at both of them.
“Thank you…”
As I swiped a hand across my face, wiping tears away, I heard my brother’s voice.
“Koura,” he said softly. “You look just like what I remembered you as.”
“You mean, you didn’t remember me like I was… that night?”
He looked down at the snow on the ground. I could see him swallow hard and take a deep breath.
“Well, I remembered that too…” he said quietly, still not looking at me. “It was killing me, watching you hurt like that. What I remembered most was the blood on your face and the pain in your eyes… And all the blood in the snow…”
“I’m so sorry Terran… My brother… Can you ever forgive me?”
He looked me straight in the eyes. His dark brown eyes bored into my own deep green ones. If he couldn’t forgive me, I would understand completely.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t understand what you did; I’m not going to say I do, but I knew that you probably had no choice. To be honest, I was more worried about you.”
“Why?”
He looked away, focusing on his hand instead. He twirled a lock of Illusia’s hair around his fingers nervously. I watched him bite his lip.
“You were suffering… and I could tell there was blood in your lungs,” he said, his voice choked. “I… thought I had two choices: I… I could watch you put yourself out of your misery and… go for the most part painlessly. Or… I could stop you and… watch you fade away slowly and… probably die in agony…”
“Oh… my brother…”
He swallowed hard again.
“Either way… there was nothing I could do for you,” he said, choking more than ever now. “The… The worst part was seeing you cry… I… I just about died when a… a tear stained red from the… from the blood on your face hit my cheek. You… You had always been so strong… Then… you were… on your knees with a knife in your hand… bleeding and helpless…”
He could barely speak at all… It had taken all he had to get the words out. I was getting choked up myself. I don’t know how or why, but I finally brought myself to ask what I had so often wondered…
“Terran… Did it hurt?”
I saw his chest shudder. Illusia reached up to touch his face, tears welling up in her own eyes. Almost by reflex, his hand came up to rest over his heart, just where the cursed knife had gone in.
“No,” he said softly. “I never felt it. I thought you were dying… and… I was so lost in my grief that… after you said goodbye… not… much of anything really… registered.”
I bit my own lip, forcing back tears and trying not to let myself shudder.
“So you weren’t in pain… That makes it a little easier on me. At least it didn’t hurt…”
Illusia shivered and slipped out of his arms, settling close to his side. He didn’t seem to notice. He just raised a shaking hand to the slash scar on the side of my throat, running his fingers lightly along the line that cut across my jugular vein. I swallowed hard as I remembered the feeling of cold metal tearing into my skin… The smell of my own blood all around me… I couldn’t even begin to describe the pain…
“What… What happened that night?” he asked in the quietest voice I had ever heard from him. “Who… What did this to you? Why was there… blood all over you?”
I could feel the color draining from my face. There was no way I could tell him; it would shock him too badly. And it wasn’t something I wanted Illusia hearing either. I looked away into the starry sky, sinking my teeth deep into my lip. I shuddered noticeably as I tasted my own blood. I remembered the feeling of blood in my throat, running down my face, dripping from my lips… My voice came out sounding very choked, just like it had that night.
“No… No… Terran, you don’t want to ask that… I… I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” he asked, his voice low and quiet.
I turned to face him, the tears in my eyes escaping. I felt like I couldn’t get the words out right… I didn’t know how to put this in a way that wouldn’t just disturb him further or make him break down.
“Terran… look at me…”
He stared at me with a haunted look in his wide brown eyes. I could see his tears.
“It’s… not something you need to hear… Do you… remember those stories I used to tell you when you were younger?… The ones… that… always used to give you nightmares…”
He nodded mutely, looking as if it was the hardest thing in the world to keep himself from crying.
“Think of it this way… Think of those stories, only ten times worse… These wouldn’t just give you bad dreams… They would… probably send you into shock. Just thinking about what happened makes my heart stop for a second. I… I couldn’t do that to you… It would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life… like it does mine…”
That was it. That was the end of his control. He covered his eyes with one hand and broke down, sobbing quietly. He seemed to be choking on his own breath. His whole body was shaking and I could see the tears that streamed down his face. It was breaking my heart to see him like this.
Gently, Illusia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in close. She stroked his hair as she let him cry on her shoulder, still shaking. There were tears on her face too, only she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She just held him, slowly running her fingers through his hair and resting her forehead softly against the top of his head.
Slowly, I reached a hand over to gently rub my brother’s back. That had always worked when he was younger. Apparently it still worked, because within a few minutes he was relaxing. There were still tears on his face and his breathing sounded strangled, but he was calming down a little. Soon, he was halfway asleep.
Illusia settled back against the tree behind the log. I helped her shift Terran so that he could stretch out, still gently cradled in her arms. He opened his eyes, looking up at her like he was ready to cry again. She held him close and kissed his cheek. Tenderly, she brushed the remaining tears off his face and stroked his bangs until he closed his eyes again. Slowly, she let him back down to rest in her lap. Soon, she closed her eyes as well. After a while, both of them were out of commission.
About two hours later, Illusia started to come around. I don’t think Terran took his eyes off her the entire time. As she moved her head a little bit, almost conscious, he stroked her cheek tenderly. Slowly, he shifted her up in his arms to hold her close to his chest. I was still amazed. How did Illusia do that? Terran’s shoulder didn’t seem to be bothering him in the least now. At least it wasn’t bent like that anymore…
Illusia’s eyes finally fluttered open. Terran held her so close that it took her a while to realize he hadn’t put his shirt back on, just his coat. Her eyes went wide and she sat bolt upright. I was trying not to laugh as she turned at least five different shades of red. That’s not even beginning to cover the colors Terran was turning… I think at one point his face actually turned a rather unusual plum shade.
The shirt was a lost cause. There was too much blood soaked into it. The once-white fabric was starting to stiffen as the blood dried. Terran wouldn’t touch it. Illusia took one look at it and almost got sick. At least his coat hadn’t been affected much. Both he and Illusia were wrapped in it.
I was getting tired of the silence. It was beginning to get very uncomfortable.
“Terran… Are you alright now?”
“I’m fine,” he said softly. “Thank you… Both of you…”
Illusia smiled up at him. I reached over and ruffled his hair, just like I had always done to him when we were younger. It was times like this that I hated having lost the use of one eye. I couldn’t see very well with just my right eye. Well, I couldn’t judge distances. And if I wanted to see something clearly, I had to tilt my head down and to the side so that I was looking at it at a funny angle. Since it was so dark, I couldn’t even see my brother’s face. All I could see was a vague outline. A little bit of lavender told me where Illusia was.
Illusia saw me looking at her and Terran in my unusual way. I couldn’t see the expression on her face, but her voice told me how concerned she was.
“It’s your eye, isn’t it?” she asked softly.
I nodded and closed my one working eye. I was so ashamed of the ugly scar that cut across my face and half blinded me. Every day it reminded me of what I had done. She must have seen my expression change for a second, because she reached over and gently touched my hand.
“I think I might be able to do something about it,” she said quietly. “Do you want me to try?”
My jaw dropped. Could she really get rid of that horrible scar? At this point, I was sick to death of being unable to see my brother’s face and having to tilt my head in all kinds of unnatural ways just so I could make out which way was up or down. Basically, I was willing to try anything now. I let my shoulders relax with a sigh.
“Why not? Give it a try…”
It didn’t seem like she could get up right now, so I got up and sat down on the log beside Terran. Gently, she traced the scar with her finger. She started to concentrate and her hand glowed faintly, but didn’t have enough energy to do much. With my one good eye, I saw Terran take her hand in both of his, helping her. Gradually, I began to feel a gentle warmth in the center of my scar. I could feel the two concentrating harder and the sensation spread. Illusia traced the line of the scar one last time and pulled her hand away.
“Koura?” she asked, her voice so soft I could barely hear it. “I… I think that’s about done it… Try opening your eye.”
I closed my right eye and, to my surprise, was able to open both eyes together. I could feel myself beginning to tear up. I could see my brother smiling at me, leaning his head on Illusia’s hair. I saw Illusia smiling shyly at me. I didn’t bother holding back happy tears as I grinned back at both of them.
“Thank you…”
As I swiped a hand across my face, wiping tears away, I heard my brother’s voice.
“Koura,” he said softly. “You look just like what I remembered you as.”
“You mean, you didn’t remember me like I was… that night?”
He looked down at the snow on the ground. I could see him swallow hard and take a deep breath.
“Well, I remembered that too…” he said quietly, still not looking at me. “It was killing me, watching you hurt like that. What I remembered most was the blood on your face and the pain in your eyes… And all the blood in the snow…”
“I’m so sorry Terran… My brother… Can you ever forgive me?”
He looked me straight in the eyes. His dark brown eyes bored into my own deep green ones. If he couldn’t forgive me, I would understand completely.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t understand what you did; I’m not going to say I do, but I knew that you probably had no choice. To be honest, I was more worried about you.”
“Why?”
He looked away, focusing on his hand instead. He twirled a lock of Illusia’s hair around his fingers nervously. I watched him bite his lip.
“You were suffering… and I could tell there was blood in your lungs,” he said, his voice choked. “I… thought I had two choices: I… I could watch you put yourself out of your misery and… go for the most part painlessly. Or… I could stop you and… watch you fade away slowly and… probably die in agony…”
“Oh… my brother…”
He swallowed hard again.
“Either way… there was nothing I could do for you,” he said, choking more than ever now. “The… The worst part was seeing you cry… I… I just about died when a… a tear stained red from the… from the blood on your face hit my cheek. You… You had always been so strong… Then… you were… on your knees with a knife in your hand… bleeding and helpless…”
He could barely speak at all… It had taken all he had to get the words out. I was getting choked up myself. I don’t know how or why, but I finally brought myself to ask what I had so often wondered…
“Terran… Did it hurt?”
I saw his chest shudder. Illusia reached up to touch his face, tears welling up in her own eyes. Almost by reflex, his hand came up to rest over his heart, just where the cursed knife had gone in.
“No,” he said softly. “I never felt it. I thought you were dying… and… I was so lost in my grief that… after you said goodbye… not… much of anything really… registered.”
I bit my own lip, forcing back tears and trying not to let myself shudder.
“So you weren’t in pain… That makes it a little easier on me. At least it didn’t hurt…”
Illusia shivered and slipped out of his arms, settling close to his side. He didn’t seem to notice. He just raised a shaking hand to the slash scar on the side of my throat, running his fingers lightly along the line that cut across my jugular vein. I swallowed hard as I remembered the feeling of cold metal tearing into my skin… The smell of my own blood all around me… I couldn’t even begin to describe the pain…
“What… What happened that night?” he asked in the quietest voice I had ever heard from him. “Who… What did this to you? Why was there… blood all over you?”
I could feel the color draining from my face. There was no way I could tell him; it would shock him too badly. And it wasn’t something I wanted Illusia hearing either. I looked away into the starry sky, sinking my teeth deep into my lip. I shuddered noticeably as I tasted my own blood. I remembered the feeling of blood in my throat, running down my face, dripping from my lips… My voice came out sounding very choked, just like it had that night.
“No… No… Terran, you don’t want to ask that… I… I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” he asked, his voice low and quiet.
I turned to face him, the tears in my eyes escaping. I felt like I couldn’t get the words out right… I didn’t know how to put this in a way that wouldn’t just disturb him further or make him break down.
“Terran… look at me…”
He stared at me with a haunted look in his wide brown eyes. I could see his tears.
“It’s… not something you need to hear… Do you… remember those stories I used to tell you when you were younger?… The ones… that… always used to give you nightmares…”
He nodded mutely, looking as if it was the hardest thing in the world to keep himself from crying.
“Think of it this way… Think of those stories, only ten times worse… These wouldn’t just give you bad dreams… They would… probably send you into shock. Just thinking about what happened makes my heart stop for a second. I… I couldn’t do that to you… It would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life… like it does mine…”
That was it. That was the end of his control. He covered his eyes with one hand and broke down, sobbing quietly. He seemed to be choking on his own breath. His whole body was shaking and I could see the tears that streamed down his face. It was breaking my heart to see him like this.
Gently, Illusia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in close. She stroked his hair as she let him cry on her shoulder, still shaking. There were tears on her face too, only she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She just held him, slowly running her fingers through his hair and resting her forehead softly against the top of his head.
Slowly, I reached a hand over to gently rub my brother’s back. That had always worked when he was younger. Apparently it still worked, because within a few minutes he was relaxing. There were still tears on his face and his breathing sounded strangled, but he was calming down a little. Soon, he was halfway asleep.
Illusia settled back against the tree behind the log. I helped her shift Terran so that he could stretch out, still gently cradled in her arms. He opened his eyes, looking up at her like he was ready to cry again. She held him close and kissed his cheek. Tenderly, she brushed the remaining tears off his face and stroked his bangs until he closed his eyes again. Slowly, she let him back down to rest in her lap. Soon, she closed her eyes as well. After a while, both of them were out of commission.