Fan Fiction ❯ Kisa's poetry ❯ Chapter 4

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

I touch your face

As the blood runs down

The glass has broke

The raven screams

The wings of death

Bring me to the edge

I fall into the pit

Wish for torture to just subside

Why are you so cruel?

To my broken and torn heart,

You are the fire that burns to hell my hopes

When I scream your name

You look away from me

You don't pay heed to me

My needs a simple bother in your head

A petty girl

Her petty world

I'm falling down

The crevice consumes me

And I drown in blood

I wish I could just stop my breath

I breathe the liquid deep within

I taste your body's sweet hatred

The drug of choice

I'm on my high

I wish you'd see

That I'm not fake

That I haven't broken yet

I can still cry

And only just

To the point I hate

Hate the world I see

I hide in that corner more often

I eat the darkness more usually

My eyes are clouded

I'm lost to this earth

I'm gone forever

In the depths of my flesh

Beyond bone and muscle

Where the ink no longer flows

And the tears of blood

No longer fall

Death seems easier to you,

I know.

But you don't see how far I've flown

Down the deep hole

Down the well of hate

The well of timeless mercy

No, of timeless pain

I hurt in places I should never feel

As if I've lost my innocence to someone there

Who cannot puncture all my wounds

But who has raped me of all life

I feel betrayed by the God who I was raised to know

The one who should heal me

The white figure

Draped in bright freedom

But then again

Are the angels of Heaven really free?

Or chained to Him for eternity?

If I die or sprout my wings

Does that mean He wins and I'm a slave?

I don't believe in fairytales

I don't believe in Trinity

I believe in pain and horror

I've lived it most my life

So when will they come out and see?

See me gone in all aspects of living

Nothing but an empty shell is there

I sing no melody

My throat is hushed

My voice stolen by the Devil himself

I am a slave

Am I not?

When I close my black and blind eyes

I see the memory I hold to tight

The one of you

Your face near mine

You smile at me

A fool's dream

Soon I will be dry

I can't seem to stand anymore

I want to die

I want to feel no pain

I want to relinquish my numbness

I want the world to slip away

I want to feel nothing

I want to see someone else suffer

I want to turn my back on everything and whither away

And live in the cold barren world

That I created myself

I want to die

No I want to fade

Be nothing but the mist that hides in the fog

Be the wind that blows you back

Be the fire that lights your cigarette

Be the sun that makes you hot

Be the clothes that touch you right

Be the arms of the ghost who wrap up into your body

Inject my soul to you

The needle digging deeper

Piercing flesh and hurting you

Cutting in and making you scream

Scream MY name

Need ME

See ME

When I am only a shadow that you can't see

When I am gone but still here

When I am the needle

When I am the safety pin you stick up into your palm

When I am the smoke you pull inside

When I am the one pleasing and hurting

That's what I want to do

Fade away to nothing at all

Yet still be an empty shell for all to see

I am no longer human

And this is all your fault

It is all their fault

Because you couldn't see me

Because you all looked past me

You never knew I held that gun

You never knew I stole that knife

You never knew I smoked that blunt

Used that needle

Abused that blade

Stabbed that pen down to paper

To write my memoir

To show my death

To beg for silent help

For refuge from the sun that burns me

For rain to soothe and bathe my wounds

For medicine to ease the pain

For someone to erase the scars

Will the earth push me away?

Or am I the one who pushed it away?

Can you hear the sound my name makes,

As it rolls of the tongue of my executioner?

Should hell be better than life on the soil?

Is Heaven even better than hell?

Should I just keep on asking or jump inside

I'm falling so far

I will never stand up

My years are limited

As is the footsteps I can take

In this direction or in that,

I see the awful torture I must endure

How can no one see it?

Is it so lost to you?

Are you just zoning out,

Ignoring all I ask?

Why can a heart like mine,

Feel love in all this gloom?

Stop hurting me…

Stop raping me

Stop doing this!

Just go away!

Leave my body, my soul, my spirit alone

Make it stop

Now break me

Shake me, hate me, fake me, try me

Madness stops

I am alone

Used

Crimson remembrance…

Dieing in a cornfield

Stalked by the hawk

Preyed but the hunter

Shot by the killer

Chopped by the butcher

Mutilated by the one I need

The one who I thought was my escape…

You killed me

I want you to kill me…

Wait…

Don't kill me…

Please don't hurt me

No, please hurt me…

I can't think

I can only write

Let my hand guide me

The ink fly

Feel the wings rip

Tear my skin away

Sprout the white feathers

Stained in ink and blood

In fire and ice

In earth and air

In the drug of pain and hurt

Horror, terror

All the things Pandora unleashed

From her box of all the horrid things on earth

Yet somehow that one thing…

The unexplainable dark thing she managed to keep locked up

Seems to be creeping out to me

Engulfing me entirely

As I scream of pain and cry of blood

But I will break soon

If I am not saved

And it will be all your fault

Unless you break me…

To save me…

Yes…for we are all unreal

The space out there holds the things we never knew

Will never know

Just like you never knew that I was dieing

Just like you never knew I wrote this all for you to see

For you to read

If you don't see and don't read

Then I really am not your true need

And you are not mine

But from all aspects I can see

You are mine for all the lies to hold

For all the lies to reside

In the core of my heart

For you to be etched forever into my body

Into my existence

Just know that no high,

No hallucinogen,

No drug at all,

Will ever erase me from you

I am in your mind

I am your haunt

And since I have nothing

No one

No home

No life

No pain

No drug

I will take from you your sanity

Like I lost mine to you that day…

I've known you for so long

I knew I wanted you when I was five

You knew you wanted me when you were fourteen…

Well guess what?

You lied…

You said since kindergarten

You said since fourth grade

You said virgin

You said never made out

You tell others you have

I never told them the truth

You feel too much pride

You are a fake

You lie to them

You lie to me

`I love you,

omg, you mean everything to me now'

Your words burned into my brain

Searing in to my eyes

You lied

You lied to me

Don't ever say I love you

If you don't really mean it

Or the world you thought you'd have forever

Will pull apart and you will see this

You will see me

Not my human body

Not my angel within

Mot the enigma of my existence

You will see ME

Words cannot express

What I will look like

I am this

I am that

Let your mind wander

Hear my scream now

See me bleed now

Feel the pain I suffer with now

And you can understand

You can't

That is to much to expect from you

I haven't done you any wrong

I never tried to hurt you

I never did

I wanted to be your first

I wanted to be the one you broke into

I wanted you to see that it wasn't all just for fun

For pleasure and for reputation

To show you that I can grind you right

That I am the one you want

So you never looked

You never saw

You never tried

And when you did

It wasn't right

I wasn't ready

You weren't either

You never thought of me

Only you

You and I are still tied

Our link has not yet severed

You need to realize me

You need to realize needs

You need to do for me

I need you to do it

You need me to do it

Gush

Hurt

Kiss

Bite

Ooze

Bleed

Nectar

Hot liquid

Live

Die

Save

Kill

Choose

Learn

This is your test

This is my life

You're already in it

And I cannot let you out

I cannot get out myself

So here it is

See the small room

See the tiny window

See the night sky

See the only door

See the blood on the walls

See the bodies dead inside

See the knife

See the gun

See the drug

See the eye

See the fist

Look closer at the small room

Look closer at the tiny window

Look closer at the night sky

Look closer at the only door

Look closer at the blood on the walls

Look closer at the dead bodies inside

Look closer at the knife

Look closer at the gun

Look closer at the drug

Look closer at the eye

Look closer at the fist

See the dead bodies?

Those are me…

See the knife, the gun, the drug?

Those are what killed me…

See the only door?

That's what I'm afraid of…

That's what keeps me up all night…

That's what holds me to this life…

On the other side is…

On the other side…

On the other…

On the..

Other side…

Side…

You will see if you keep letting me stay in here…

Get me out of here…

Get me out…

Get you out…

See the bright

See the dark

Know me

Know you

Bleed deep

Bleed dark

Bleed me

Bleed none…..

Show the world…

What I showed you…

Show the world…

What I live through…

My name…

My name is…

Gone